FA+
Shop
A Lesson On Bird Dating
Posted 13 years ago Many people believe that the only creatures to have complex dating algorithms are humans. These same people believe that the Lord Zenu let the soul-volcano erupt. In actuality, many organisms date: monkeys, pigs, ants, Kardashians, lamps- you name it! Avians seem to have the most variety when it comes to dating habits. There is even a video game, Hatoful Boyfriend, in which you date…pigeons. It runs for $5.25 and is a legitimatly crafted game.
Two or more male birds, (typically two, each with their own ‘possy’), find a female bird worthy of ruffling. (Or in the case of homosexual birds, another male bird worth ruffling fabulously.) The competing males will have a match to the death, in a style reminiscent to ancient naked-wrestling. After one is found victorious, the watching bird will friend-zone the winner. The winning bird will be sent into a spiraling depression, and write depressing emo poetry with stanzas such as
” I weep, I weep.
My soul is a creep.
Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo.
She don’t even give a hoot.
My butt itches. “
Now, this is just one of a few styles of dating present in birds. Sometimes, the male bird will approach the female bird with a bouquet of twigs, which the female will then proceed to use to stab the male bird’s eyes out. A typical process that ends in fornication and baby eye-gougers.
Sadly, there is a dark side to bird-dating. Prostitution is partly present, especially with males that enjoy presenting their parts.
But how does an awesome avian avocado even end up with such an occupation? The answer is more simple than you think. You see, sometimes the bird mind is corrupted. Making friends with suspicious eagles, glamorizing nests, and watching Fox news can all close a young avian’s thinking-process, and open it’s cloaca-hole.
Now, don’t let this negativity upset you. Most bird-dating turns into bird-marriage, and in most cases, pastel eggs.
Now that you know much about bird-dating, get out there and naked-wrestle!
Two or more male birds, (typically two, each with their own ‘possy’), find a female bird worthy of ruffling. (Or in the case of homosexual birds, another male bird worth ruffling fabulously.) The competing males will have a match to the death, in a style reminiscent to ancient naked-wrestling. After one is found victorious, the watching bird will friend-zone the winner. The winning bird will be sent into a spiraling depression, and write depressing emo poetry with stanzas such as
” I weep, I weep.
My soul is a creep.
Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo.
She don’t even give a hoot.
My butt itches. “
Now, this is just one of a few styles of dating present in birds. Sometimes, the male bird will approach the female bird with a bouquet of twigs, which the female will then proceed to use to stab the male bird’s eyes out. A typical process that ends in fornication and baby eye-gougers.
Sadly, there is a dark side to bird-dating. Prostitution is partly present, especially with males that enjoy presenting their parts.
But how does an awesome avian avocado even end up with such an occupation? The answer is more simple than you think. You see, sometimes the bird mind is corrupted. Making friends with suspicious eagles, glamorizing nests, and watching Fox news can all close a young avian’s thinking-process, and open it’s cloaca-hole.
Now, don’t let this negativity upset you. Most bird-dating turns into bird-marriage, and in most cases, pastel eggs.
Now that you know much about bird-dating, get out there and naked-wrestle!
Broken Crayons.
Posted 13 years agoObscur Examines- Broken Crayons: Have you ever bought a 24 pack of brand spankin' new Crayola-brand porn-wax, only to find one's tip was broken? or worse, ONE WAS BROKEN IN HALF.
How does one simply break a children's hopes like this? I thought only the new Cartoon Network could do that.
So there I was, 4 years old, satisfied with my circle that was supposed to be a head, the lines to be the body, and the layered pyramid meant to describe the social hierarchy present within our borders, when I decided it was time to color, only to find my crayons botched. So, I took a crayon from A DIFFERENT box, filled only with the most perfect of new points, and wrote a letter to my governor.
I just find this to be unacceptable. Absolutely.
How does one simply break a children's hopes like this? I thought only the new Cartoon Network could do that.
So there I was, 4 years old, satisfied with my circle that was supposed to be a head, the lines to be the body, and the layered pyramid meant to describe the social hierarchy present within our borders, when I decided it was time to color, only to find my crayons botched. So, I took a crayon from A DIFFERENT box, filled only with the most perfect of new points, and wrote a letter to my governor.
I just find this to be unacceptable. Absolutely.
Furbies.
Posted 13 years agoObscur Examines- Furbies:
I own one of the original furbies, (the attached picture is the one), and by God is this hellbaby the most disturbing “toy” ever devised. Not only does it enjoy snorting at me, and occasionally making homosex double entendre, it enjoys biting my finger and announcing I taste delicious. Actually, that is one of the double entendre. And damn in firefox I’m spelling entendre right stfu. It tried to teach me the second language of Satan, furbish, WHILE IT CONTINUED TO BITE MY FINGER. I would throw the toy at the wall AND IT WOULD BOUNCE BACK INTO MY LAP. It would chortle itself to sleep after I announced that it should return to the Spencer’s Gifts pit from wince it came.
I named it Ginger, for there is no fucking way it has a soul.
What’s worse is, even though it’s been about 10 years, I think. IT STILL WORKS. I’M NOT EVEN SURE IF IT EVER EVEN HAD A BATTERY IN IT. And it still recognizes my voice…”Welcome back, nice to see you again…it’s been a while…hahaha…”
I own one of the original furbies, (the attached picture is the one), and by God is this hellbaby the most disturbing “toy” ever devised. Not only does it enjoy snorting at me, and occasionally making homosex double entendre, it enjoys biting my finger and announcing I taste delicious. Actually, that is one of the double entendre. And damn in firefox I’m spelling entendre right stfu. It tried to teach me the second language of Satan, furbish, WHILE IT CONTINUED TO BITE MY FINGER. I would throw the toy at the wall AND IT WOULD BOUNCE BACK INTO MY LAP. It would chortle itself to sleep after I announced that it should return to the Spencer’s Gifts pit from wince it came.
I named it Ginger, for there is no fucking way it has a soul.
What’s worse is, even though it’s been about 10 years, I think. IT STILL WORKS. I’M NOT EVEN SURE IF IT EVER EVEN HAD A BATTERY IN IT. And it still recognizes my voice…”Welcome back, nice to see you again…it’s been a while…hahaha…”
New Youtube Video
Posted 13 years agohttp://youtu.be/c20VFfCcNCw A horror-game montage. It's basically me screaming for 7 minutes. If you enjoy it, subscribe if you'd like. Enjoy.
It Took Me 3 Minutes For Me To Find the Journal Button
Posted 13 years agoHello everyone. I might start taking requests soon. Contain thy jizz.
._.
Posted 13 years agoI really need friends...
tumblr
Posted 14 years agoMwuhahaha!
Posted 14 years agoThe two people watching me will have a useless journal to read! And this is it!! >:D
MWUHAHAHAAA!
MWUHAHAHAAA!
Read-only mode =
Posted 14 years agoFile read-only mode = EVERYONE MAKING A BILLION JOURNALS.
Not like that's a bad thing.
That is all.
Not like that's a bad thing.
That is all.
25 journals skipped
