Where did all they die off too?

Where is it?

Where is the place where every person dies off to.

Where are the dead?

Where would we even look?

To find the dead, to find where everyone died off to.

Where is that place? Where is nonexistence?

If death is nonexistence then it must be in someplace?

Where is nonexistence within existence?

It's death.

Death is the place of nonexistence.

Death is where everyone, every person alive, eventually dies off to.

Our life is a struggle against nonexistence.

If no one is left to exist, if everyone dies, does existence still continue to exist?

How many other realities are there that don't presently exist simply because there's nothing to experience them?

And how many more realities can we make real simply by thinking about them?

It's sort of like... if you can get someone to truly believe that you're a monster... then you can become a real one in the wake of their belief.

Belief has the power to make or break Gods.

Really, I mean... really?!

https://twitter.com/i/moments/992861981089681408

...and you have to sniff their heads first anyway, that's like... a rule. Okay not really a rule, but I'm pretending it is since I'm the one who started this fad a few years back on Maplestory...

https://i.imgur.com/EBYC3ct.png

So like I mentioned before I've been taking Cymbalta for the past couple months as an appetite suppressant and it's weird because it completely shuts off my sense of hunger, but like I guess my body is still ~technically~ hungry, like I haven't eaten anything since... like 16 hours ago and my stomach started making "angry noises" but there's no feeling of hunger at all... so it feels all like... weird. Just, really, REALLY weird.

Anyway, I should probably stop typing now and go eat something. I think I need to get like a timer or something so I don't keep forgetting to eat... either that or just go by the weirdy "angry sounds" from my tummy.

Suddenly reminded today of why I've never gone to any kind of furry or ABDL related convention or meet up or whatever... and probably never will.

I don't expect every person to look like some kind of fashion model or anything, or to have especially flattering features, but for the love of God brush your teeth and wash your hair on a regular basis! I mean I'm a gawd damn "Little" and I HATE brushing my teeth and yet I STILL manage to get 'er done at LEAST once a day (usually twice a day)... so I can't imagine anyone having any semblance of an excuse for not doing it... BRUSH YOU TEETH!

*gives you a very stern srs face*

I mean if you're at home, you're not going anywhere, you don't plan to take any pictures of yourself... okay, you can let the hair washing slide a bit... but if you're going out in public or you're takin pictures of yourself to put online... WASH YOUR HAIR!

Oh and use deodorant. And no there is no excuse for NOT using deodorant. I know all about the classic, "I'm allergic to it!" and that doesn't hold up because they actually do make hypoallergenic deodorant.

*sigh*

...okay I'm done ranting.

*noms on your arm*

Migraines are pleeeeeh... as is back pain. On an upnote I tried taking Cymbalta, which did pretty much nothing for my pain, but it came with the very odd side effect of completely shutting off my appetite. So now I'm taking it just for that, as an appetite suppressant. Already lost around 15 pounds, which is awesome. It's weird because, like, food still tastes good, but like I have absolutely no sense of hunger at all, to the point where I have to actually remind myself that I need to eat.

Only downside is that it's makin me slightly more manic than usual, so like I've only been sleeping for like 4 to 6 hours at a time now and I've been doing crazy level sorting stuff. Like I had over 3,000 open tabs in Firefox and I managed to sort through, archive, bookmark and close out every last one in about three days. Then I started sorting a bunch of the old image archive stuff I had and I've already clocked through naming and organizing like 50,000 files in the span of about a month!

I've also been coming up with ideas and such even faster than normal. My brain is like an infinite well of creativity, I look into the maw of imagination itself and I CAN SEE FOREVER! ʘ_ʘ

Must sleep now tho... head is all PLAAAARG... time for Tylenol and dreams.

Speaking of dreams I've been having this pervasively reoccurring dream over the past ten years or so where I can float... for some reason. Like the setting and circumstances of the dream are always different, but in every instance I can jump into the air, or jump off something and then consciously control my descent, like it's some kind of completely natural sense of localized spatial manipulation or some such. Like I wake up feeling weird that I can't actually do it, like I ~should~ be able to do it, like it feels wrong somehow that I can't. It's very strange.

A bit sad, but not completely unexpected. For those of us born before the early 90s the only way to even see new toys was through television commercials, the Sears catalog (which only came out like once a year) and by taking a wondrous and magical trip to Toys R Us.

It's not like today where you can go on Amazon or any other online shop and browse through high resolution images of every and any toy imaginable and order right on a whim in your pajamas from the comfort of your own living room.

When I was a kid going to Toys R Us didn't even necessarily mean buying toys so much as just browsing, telling our parents what we were interested in and so forth. Of course even on these browsing trips we'd often get some inexpensive treat, but the real appeal was simply being able to wander up and down the aisles marveling at the incredible assortment of wants and wishes.

Toys R Us was like a magical place for us, a veritable candy land of colorful playthings waiting to be explored as we'd travel along the bright white, fluorescent lit flooring, drawn through the wonderland of endless entertainment and excitement.

It will be sad it goes away entirely, but with any luck their assets will be bought up by another company and it will continue to live on in some capacity. Much like how Mars bars are now called Snickers Almond and how Hostess and their Twinkies are now owned by Apollo Global Management.

I do this thing a lot, especially in online games, where I go up to people and *sniff their heads* or *lick their faces*... the primarily reaction is either bewilderment or flirting... mostly flirting. That's not why I'm doing it though. When I sniff you it's because I'm checking to see whether or not you're MINE! And when I lick you that means I'm marking you as MINE!

As in, I consider you to be my property or territory... and not really in a sexual way, more like... I think of you as a kitty toy for me to play with.

I do treat my toys differently though, some I like to scratch, bite and tear all apart... others I like carrying around with me and using as a kind of decoration.

...this is all metaphor by the by, I mean, I actually really do this, this is actually how I see people... some people I consider to be my personal toys... some to rip all apart, some to keep around like decorative action figures because I like how they look... and by "how they look" I mostly mean "what they make", as in the media they produce or I just happen to like the color of their soul.

Sometimes I think of it as "soul collecting". Not all human souls are the same, some are more colorful than others, some have shiny/sparkly bits, neat patterns, some make neat sounds when they vibrate.

In other "weird bits about me", physical looks are important as far as general attraction, but I personally value how a person sounds over their looks in most cases. Like I've met a lot of people I'd consider very attractive on the physical level... but then the minute they open their mouths and start talking... YIKES!

I especially like "weird" or "unusual" voices though, like people who have high pitch voices, or really low/deep voices, or accents I'm not familiar with.

On another note I've noticed that humans tend to just have two definitions of "love" when it comes to other humans, which are primarily centered around sexual attraction and familial connections. Where as I tend to have a whole multitude of "loves" when it comes to humans. For example I might love someone in the same way you might love your favorite recipe for pancakes or your favorite color or your favorite plushie.

There are a lot of people I love in that sense, not in a sexual sense, not in a familial sense or even in any relationship sense, but more so in an objectification sense... which for some reason I guess humans consider that to be bad... I'm not really sure why, seems very weird to me that you think you can't love other humans for aspects beyond their sexuality (which is already largely rooted in objectification) or their sense of self.

Same thing with relationships. You don't need to be in a relationship with someone to love someone and it doesn't need to be reciprocal either. Sort of like how humans will love idols or celebrities I guess, but it's like you don't understand that someone doesn't need to be an idol/celebrity for you to love them in that sense.

You can love other people even if they don't love or even care about you or even if they don't even know who you are. Sort of like... love from a distance. You can do that... you can love from a distance. Might not be sexual love, might not even be relational/reciprocal love... but that's okay. You can love a person like you love your favorite song.

Had a really bad pain spasm a week or so ago, wound up clenching down so hard I cracked another molar. It sorta shattered apart and now I got little tiny tooth fragments embedded into my gum. On top of that it cracked apart into a sort of jagged wedge shape (the remaining part), which now just hurts like fucking hell (plus it's razor sharp on my tongue). I keep slathering it with lidocaine and taking Tylenol but it's only managing to dull the pain. Probably gonna have to go to the dentist and either have it pulled or have a crown put on it. I tried to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers and a pair of needle nose pliers, but because it's a stupid wedge shape it's impossible to get a firm grip on it. Le sigh...

Not intentionally on any level, but I mean I knew I was verbally ripping the guy all apart, but he was drinking the Neo Nazi Kool Aid to the point of just getting on my nerves and screwing up Encyclopedia Dramatica... so I pretty well destroyed all his shit on the site left and right over the past six months or so, continually mocking/berating his screwed up little edge lord ideals to the point where I guess I just broke him. Then in the hours leading up to the shooting I posted this quote...

"Remember, you do not own things any more than you own the ability to remain living. Everything is transitory, everything is
fleeting, everything is lost."

And after looking at the time/date logs, 10 minutes after I posted that is when he posted his pseudo manifesto about how "work sucks, life sucks, everything sucks" and he was going to kill himself after taking a classroom hostage.

The unfortunate thing is... I meant that quote in a POSITIVE way, meaning you shouldn't focus on acquiring objects and things, but rather you should just enjoy what you have while you have it. But I guess if you're overly depressed and feeling horrible about yourself... it can have a pretty dark alternative meaning.

That's one of the scary things about being a writer (or really any kind of artist), no matter how clear or concise you state the intentions or interpretation of the piece... everyone will read it differently. Every single person who reads your work will read it in a different and unique way that is personal to them and their feelings, ideals, opinions, perceptions, etc. You cannot control how others will interpret your work, you can merely create points of inspiration and idea... and some of those inspirations and ideas won't always be positive, some will be downright horrific and disastrous.

I got a hug! A virtual one, but a hug nonetheless! I should go "pass it along" and give someone else a virtual hug! :D

In other news I finally decided to sort through some of the old boxes I got from my late grandparents, which are apparently filled with TREASURE!

A large portion of which is SILVER... but like super crazy old silver, so it's covered it muck and uck and I've been busy making it look new and sparkly as well trying to track down where it originated from and when...

https://imgur.com/gallery/jLxEtCo

This is my favorite piece so far...

https://imgur.com/gallery/tBLJWnS

...doesn't have any marking on it at all though, so it may be impossible to know where it came from. I think my grandpa got in sometime back in 1910 though, but I don't know ~where~ he got it from.

On a side note, cleaning cruddy, blackened silver to shiny newness is very cathartic if you have OCD. -__-

Aside from that I am enjoying ThanksAWESOME!

See I do not celebrate a "traditional" Thanksgiving, rather my Thanksgiving is my own personal rendition of the holiday, which involves eating a grand feast and relaxing, but doing so on a personalized level. So instead of eating "traditional" foods you eat whatever you like most, whichever foods you're most thankful for at the present time.

So like today I'm making BBQ ribs, tempura shrimp, coconut shrimp, teriyaki beef over Caribbean rice, fried green beans with bacon and all sorts of other goodies! The idea is to make so much food that you basically wind up eating leftovers of the awesomeness for the next two or three days straight.

And, likewise, I'll be watching movies and playing video games and not doing any real work over this time frame... so it's like a mini vacation or a 3/4 day holiday of AWESOMENESS.

Anyway, that's just me, I'm a little weird. Most people do the whole "traditional" thing and... that's cool... for them... I like other people doing the "traditional" thing. Different people doing different things is nice, variety makes me happy. ^__^

So, like normally I don't actively go out of my way to buy doofy ass "organic" and "vegan" horseshit and what not, but occasionally I wind up with the stuff because... well because I'm poor and I take whatever free assed shit I can get and sometimes that means getting free assed "organic" and "vegan" shit... which I feel obligated to at least try and eat because, well, because it was free.

So anyway, I all wind up with a loaf of THIS business

https://images.eatthismuch.com/site.....e2350eeffa.png

And at first first look, I won't lie... looks like garbage and I'm thinkin it tastes like garbage too. So it just sorta sits around for awhile and then one morning I all decide, well I guess I can make some toast out of it, I mean anything tastes good as toast (slathered with butter and jam)... and that's when it happened... I WAS EATING A FUCKING FOREST!

Oh, oh shi- words cannot accurately describe how this tastes. It's... it's like someone took a TREE and somehow contained the very soul, the life essence of the tree, of nature itself and forged it into a loaf of pure awesomeness within the fires of heaven's kitchen to create the most perfect bread imaginable!

It's like forcibly raping a forest God against its will and then eating it alive like a some kind of a nature molesting praying mantis! That... that's what it tastes like... it tastes like fucking nature itself and then devouring its head with frenzied carnal abandon in the wake of the most satisfying orgasm imaginable!

I was thinking about this the other day and why it is that so many people, including many adult babies and other "Littles" hate me so much... and I think it's because I'm just... "more little" than they are.

In general, on a generic level, being a "Little" and such is largely just about favoring childish pursuits, whether it's coloring with crayons, playing with Legos, dressing below your age, etc, etc. And on the AB end it's largely sexual in nature, on an object oriented level (like getting aroused by tights, sweaters, corsets, leather, rubber, etc).

But beyond that I think there's a significant psychology aspect that either isn't present, or isn't very prevalent in most ABs and "Littles" who, at least from my perspective, are largely pedestrians to the form so to speak,

That psychological aspect is largely what I call "Little Thinking". That is, how much of your adult side does your "Little" side dominate. Like many "Littles" the more adult or parental someone is acting towards me, the more my "Little" side kicks in and the more my adult side shuts down completely, which can actually be a bit dangerous. Many in the community talk about going into a kind of "Little Space" where they seemingly, by active choice, orient themselves into such "Little Thinking".

For those like me though... we're effectively always in a "Little Space" to some degree or another, even when our adult side is in control, it's still very influenced by our "Little" side. For example on political issues, many in the community have very hardcore, set in stone, fixed opinions and perceptions about things. To the point where they can actually be well and truly worried/concerned about the state of political affairs. For me though it's just like... fun and games. Politics are more like a playground or a fun interactive toy to poke and prod at to see what happens.

And this is generally how I see most "adult" forms... they're like toys to me and that's largely how i treat them. Where as so many others treat them as ~serious~ business, to me, it's just... fun. I don't really worry about them, I take a very casual, cavalier attitude and have a very childish outlook on events.

This manifests into a kind of, "I don't take anything seriously, least of all myself." but ultimately it's just my "Little" side largely directs my adult level outlook on life. So even when my adult side is in control, my "Little" side is basically riding a top my shoulders and trying to steer me around.

And that's also probably why for "Littles" like me there's no kind of directed/slow transition into a "Little Space". For "Littles" like me, if someone simply forcibly treats me like a child (mostly on the RL level) or if I'm actively engaging in "Little" activities like coloring, or if I'm wearing "Little" clothes... there is no "choice" involved, I'm inherently locked into that "Little Space" simply by default... which, again, can be somewhat dangerous. Those like myself have to be very careful when it comes to interpersonal relationships, because on the real world level we can be easily manipulated and controlled by others if they're actively aware of our "Little" side.

Invade your nearest Target, or other big box store, and besiege the bathroom towel aisle! Unfurl the carpety corpses of a few dozen thirsty threaded sheets in every color of the rainbow, flail them on open under the fluorescent lights and let the carrousel of chroma claw into every cranial crevasse of your cognitive capacity... that'll fix ya right up!