Hey, my birthday is on Monday, and to celebrate, I'm doing speed sketch requests. The sketches will be greyscale and made digitally via Clip Studio Paint. If you want one, reply here with a SFW reference.

I make no promises that I'll be able to draw every request made, but I will try to draw as many as I can -- especially if I've only gotten a few requests by Monday. I've only gotten 3 takers so far, so you can definitely get one if you respond.

You have until Monday, Jun 17 6am EST.

DISCLAIMER: I reserve the right to refuse requests at my own discretion. I'm doing these for fun, and if I feel uncomfortable with a request, I won't do it.
Also, I'm under no obligation to any of these doodles, so don't complain if my sketches don't "look right" to you -- I will simply laugh and then block you with extreme prejudice.

2023 was largely uneventful for me, having done little beside take a couple classes. But that's not necessarily a bad thing, right?

Either way, I feel like my art and my life has stagnated for me for too long so I want to do something about that...

2024 Resolutions:
Make an honest attempt to be more proactive in the communities I frequent
Draw art regularly again
Learn blender and try to make 3D models/refs of my OCs
Start cycling/jogging 3 times a week.
Start making more frequent doctor visits; I may have neglected my health a little too long...
Try to get another parttime job

I went to the doc for flu medicine, thinking I had it instead.

They took tests and said it was infact c19.

So I'll be staying in bed for the next couple days.

The family is floored that I, of all people, got covid. (I'm the family shut in, and I rarely leave the house, and they all know I almost always wear a mask when I DO go out).

I also have the full 2 moderna vaxx, so the odds of it were really low all things considered.

So as someone who lives in rural America. I might finally have home internet service at my place, I've lived in this rural neighborhood for nearly 30 years and not having access to modern internet despite living 500ish feet from the city limit border S U C K S.

Today, I was on the phone with a home internet service rep (T-Mobile) over the phone and they offered me a 50$/month plan with unlimited data at my place. No contract, no setup fees, no price hike after X months even. They even threw in a 100$ prepaid card as a sign on bonus. If the service works well here, I'll definitely stick with them.

I can't wait for it to be over in a month.

That is all.

Had my 35th birthday last month (June 17th).

We didn't really do much to celebrate it, but we DID go to a peach plantation/market (Lane Orchards for those curious and living in GA or plan passing thru Perry, GA on I-75). Grabbed a few souvenirs and some food. The fam seemed to enjoy themselves at least.

Also, I decided to upgrade my 13inch pen tablet to a 22 inch one. Funny enough, it only costs about 100$ more than the one I originally bought 3 years ago.

... Hopefully this finally motivates me to draw again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moving on, I mentioned my court case a couple months ago, and we finally had our hearing...

And I've got good news and bad news.

The bad news is, the judge to dismissed our case about his dog killing our cats, citing that it's apparently the county 'Animal Control's jurisdiction... Even though we've tried multiple times to get them to intervene with our issue.

The good news is... The shitty dog neighbor's GF suit was ALSO thrown out. And man did they make complete fools of themselves when they tried to make their case to the judge.

Like they kept rambling on about stupid irrelevant shit like the GF only sued because we kept calling the police on the guy (for not being responsible with his mutts). And they kept contradicting themselves over their case arguments. They also tried to use the fact that they were "renovating" the property as justification for trying to seek 3500$ from us in the suit (again, the house is worth barely 8K, and they complained about the insulation for the underside of their 1971, single-width trailer home.)

The judge was all "well I'm happy for your home renovations" and basically rolled her eyes. The whole room was basically exasperated with the neighbors' banter.

Hell, the idiot GF actually tried to get a fucking restraining order issued to us without understanding WHAT it's actually meant for.



Soo yeah, that's what happened recently.

I have an epic case of artblock that's resulted in two outstanding commissions due to my perfectionism.

It demotivates me from even working on them in the first place 'cuz I don't want to give my clients a halfassed product due to not being at💯% performance.

It also keeps me from doing other art projects because then I feel like I should be priortizing their work over anything else. Then it just goes back to my first point.

This cycle... SUCKS. ☹️

You may recall me ranting about my shitty dog owning neighbor before. Well, it has finally reached a boiling point over the past couple months.

After yet another incident, my aunts finally had enough of him and filed a civil suit against the piece of shit, and now his GF (who's the actual owner of the house), is apparently filing a countersuit accusing our cats of the destruction of the underpinning insulation of their 60yo trailer. (lol?)

The funny thing about my neighbor's countersuit... there are many plotholes to their shitty sobstory.

For one, they have about 7 dogs on their property, and at least 2 of them are always loose, so no sane kitty will even fart in the general direction of their trailer, let alone actually venture to the trailer itself.

Secondly, if our cats DID destroy the insulation, when did it happen and why the fuck were we never informed about it? Especially when this shitstorm first started brewing a couple years back?? You'd think that'd be the best time to mention that, hmmm?

Thirdly, how do they know it was even a cat that did the damage to begin with, let alone *our* cats?
Who's to say that it wasn't one of their half dozen mutts the BF owns that did it? Especially considering they're loose half the damn time. Also, their trailer is about as decrepit as it gets, being at least 50 years old, so maybe it's time to get a new one?

Fourthly, it's interesting that the GF is sticking her beak into our affairs given that she hasn't resided in that trailer for nearly a year now, and when she was still living there -- she was always silent whenever we complained about her BF's dogs (reminder that SHE is the owner of that property - not him). Yet this is all suddenly a huge problem for her, and she's apparently afraid of our cats even though she grew up in a neighborhood full of them. To say nothing about the fact that the suit is directed towards the shitty dog neighbor himself, not her.

Lastly, but definitely not least, ... we aren't the only ones in the neighborhood who are having civil problems with their mutts.
All our other neighbors have expressed their frustrations with the shitty dog neighbor's loose dogs threatening them in their own lawn, shitting on their property, and in general being nuisances with their incessant barking. their pit terrier had chased one of our cats into another neighbor's yard while they were mowing it before it killed her. Their pit terrier had chased one of our cats into another neighbor's yard while they were mowing it before it killed her, and that neighbor wasn't too happy about the dog behaving like that since they have kids living there (They don't mind our cats since they rarely venture from our property).

In fact, one of them stated that the next time one of them uses their lawn as a public litterbox, they're gonna get a poop scooper and throw it on the BF's porch for them to see.
/RANT

Was born 10:36am on June 17.

It's just another day for me at this point in life, but some people still wish me well. So go me!

Nothing much to report. I've been on unemployment since I got laid off last year because of covid, thanks to the guy who told me that I was eligible for it regardless of the employment circumstances.

I will probably stay on it until August as I feel its unsafe to attend college since I will likely have to get another oncampus job there to ensure I can afford tuition. And I would rather not expose myself to the virus if I can help it. I've been financially stable thanks to the relief bills, so it's all a matter of making sure I don't contract covid and die.

Speaking of covid, I just got a appointment confirmation for my covid vaccination; the first dose is next week! Will go a long way of ensuring this will be put behind me later on.

...I had a bad hemorrhoid attack last night (bled so much that I was feeling lightheaded and my legs were shaking when standing).

I stopped the bleeding, but I will certainly need to see my doc about it. I talked to her before and she recommended surgery for it if it didn't improve with diet/meds.

I'm not on any kind of meds, thankfully, and my doc didn't say if it's signs of prostate cancer or any other serious condition when I brought it up in my last visit (probably cause I'm only 33 and my weight is average), just that if it didn't get better then I'll need the surgery. I think now might be time to seriously consider it.

Problem is; I am uninsured and my income is so low that I might not even qualify for most plans, if any.

I can't even apply in my state until the 15th of this month (and I'm lucky to even have that thanks to Biden), but that should give me time to make the other arrangements at least and review my options.

My legs aren't shaking anymore and I'm feeling less woozy, but I'm still feeling a bit tired, so I am gonna set up an appointment ASAP. This is not something I wanna fuck around with any longer than needed.

I didn't want to tell you all personally at first. Because this is something I'd want to address privately (and ofc because its freaking hemorrhoids), but in a worst case scenario, I'd like you to at least know what might have happened to me should I end up ghosting you all for real.

But yeah, still gonna be wary of this. As if I didn't have enough to worry about....

I have some ideas for this zodiac year, considering I do have a prominent bull OC, Azhul.

I've wanted to reimagine him a bit in light of a few things. And this is a good chance to do it, now.

For one, he will most likely not be a cop anymore in his adult bio; in light of all the recent ACAB business and revelations, I simply don't feel comfortable with my OC going in that direction, nor do I want to glorify anything involving the profession as a whole. Haven't decided on where to go on that, but I DO know his ref page will need to be updated at some point.

Another thing is lately I've noticed that people have gotten the impression of Azhull's overall characterization; everyone so far sees him as a more jovial figured. In realty, he's supposed to be a much more grumpy, aloof, and abrasive tsundre-archetype (harsh to most, but pleasant to those close to him). This misconception is on me because I've almost always depicted him smiling and being pleasant and not enough of him acting as I intended.

However, I understand that many people actually liked that 'alternate' depiction of him, and may not like the 'intended' one. Admittedly, I also feel that enforcing the latter would be a waste of a perfectly fine 'character'. So I've made a compromise; the 'alternate' depiction will simply be "reintroduced" as Azhull's younger brother, and will have all the jovial traits I made in Azhull's earlier pics. Haven't decided on his design, but the gist is he'll be similar in design to Azhull (even down to having the same sizeshifting mutant power).

---

Anyway, I . I'm doing okay, I haven't enrolled in classes since the pandemic started, and until the risk of infection has been contained, I probably won't bother.

In the meantime, I'm going to focus on expanding my art. With the recent update to Clip Studio Paint, I've been wanting to share timelapse videos of my work process.

I've also wanted to do some art studies on anatomy, as I still think that is one of my weakest areas alongside composition (specifically coloring and gradients). Since I won't be doing college work, I should instead focus on my art, as i will not have time to study art when I finally return to campus.

---

There's another story I want to at least brainstorm over at some point with my new dragon OC, King Onox. There's a good bit of detail, but its on recents pics of him. I hope to one day sit down and really spin a good story about him.

---

I've been getting back into learning Blender, if nothing else, I want to made 3D models for referencing at the very least, but if I can really get good at it, I might can even use it for my own personal projects.

---

Lastly, I am considering shuttering commission work until further notice... I don't think I'm worth the money, and I still need to better myself in productively and skill.

Anyway, that's all for now. May 2021 be at least slightly less of a dumpster fire than 2020. Slightly.

My supervisor emailed me this afternoon saying that because of budget cuts caused by the epidemic, they are unable to let me continue my teleworking job as a captionist at my college...

I've been encouraged to work as much as I can until May 17, but after that I'll officially be jobless once again.

She said that she really enjoyed my help and will reach out to me should things improve, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm back to square one...

All that work over the past 15 months were for nothing... I'm not even sure I can go back to my previous job if I wanted to because that one involves transporting railroad workers for hours, and that's not considering if the place hasn't already been shuttered too because of the epidemic... Not to mention my car is still being serviced so I'd be unable to commit to the on-call schedule it requires...

Man, this really wasn't needed right now. I don't even know if I'm eligible for unemployment...

Fuck my idiot neighbor, his fucking pitbull got loose yet again, and it killed my kitten! We've told him time and again to get a fucking fence for it, but noooooo...

Honestly sick of him and his 5 mutts. They make such a racket daily and he doesn't do anything to stop it, among other things. He's lived here 7 years and I'm honestly sick of the guy now.

He's a lazy son of a bitch who tries to hustle handyman services to the neighborhood, even if they don't ask for it... or even need it. But he such a sorry piece of shit that he either half-asses it completely, or tries to delegate the heavy work to others while he just loafs around and smokes.

My mom used to hire him often, especially when he first moved here, but he's fucked up a lot of her stuff (and usually won't listen to advice) or strongarmed me into "helping" that my mom got sick of him and hardly ever bothers with him now if he can help it.
He doesn't even pay me for helping, he'll try to get them to pay more instead... In Jan 2016, my mom once tasked him with clearing the foliage from her backyard and she may as well have asked me to do it all myself for all he's worth. I ended up clearing pretty much the whole yard mostly on my own while he reaps the cash. Mom never asked ME to assist directly. She watched much of this herself and finally realized how useless he is and hasn't asked him to do anything remotely as since. Breaking the back door trying to install it, scraping her floor paneling trying to forcibly adjust a stove's legs, and pretty much tells you how competent he is.

But enough about that. The main beef is that this dog incident has happened before, and he tried to blame it on a stray dog when confronted. Problem is, the stray dogs almost NEVER come to this part of the neighborhood and I or my aunt always chase them out via air guns. And they never attack our cats even if they do come here. Regardless, it was HIS mutt that killed our kitty so he's still responsible either way.

I dunno why he even has the damn thing... it just sits aorund tied to the stake its tethered to and bark at whatever strolls by or wail at sirens. I have never seen the man take it for a walk in all the 7 years he's resided here. And believe me, he is unemployed and does nothing all day, he's even worse of a NEET than I am. Sure he's in his late 50s, and apparently was injured while in the military, but that doesn't mean you cant look for easy work.

I was in that position too for just as long, but I at least had anxiety and bad luck with work opportunities as my reasons and I actually DID want to get a career (and work for it); he doesn't have anything going for him, even his GF is sick of him and she has let him live with her basically for free since 2013. And he's so pathetic at the things he DOES work at (carpeting), that no one even wants to bother with his sorry arse.

Really wished his GF get fed up with him and evicts him her place. We're all sick of him, and I think the rest of the neighborhood is too.

I've been so upset about it all night and I don't think I'll calm down anytime soon. And for the record, no, I'll never forgive him for it, especially since he's too sorry to even owe up to his mistake.

Gonna try to host an art stream today at like 2PM EST, will be working on an outstanding commission work and a freebie I promised a follower months back. I will be using my Picarto channel for this. For those unaware, it is http://www.picarto.tv/ZYL5

Also, still trying to get my life back together, car is still out of commission so I cant work.

Lastly I may be shuttering commissions for a while after this last one to focus on productivity. If you are still on the fence with them, be sure to query me right away.

After testing I found that I can host streams again with my ISP without much issue.

So I am going to start doing art streams again after 3 years. I'll try to set up a schedule for these, but I suspect that I'll be hosting between Thursday thru Sunday. I dunno which service I'll be using for my broadcast, but I do have a Twitch and a Picarto account for this. Lemme know which is best.

https://picarto.tv/ZYL5

https://www.twitch.tv/zyl5

I got a new ISP recently that provides a larger data cap than our old service. So I might can afford to stream every so often if it allows for it.

No promises, though..

I. ABSOLUTELY. NEED. TO. ADDRESS. MY. WORK. HABITS!!

I shouldn't be procrastinating so much and then doing 'last minute' work right when deadlines approach.

My new year resolution is officially to improve my productivity by a significant amount by next summer. Period.

I've officially quit my job. Now onto the next step in life.

But... it wasn't for nothing!

For starters, I managed to get my entire Hospital ER bill dismissed, no $5000 bill looming over me while I somehow try to get myself back on track in life! Which means that this job wasn't entirely for nothing afterall!

Speaking of my job... well... I intend to quit when the month ends like I've intended way back. I plan to give my boss my usual 14 day notice and that should be the end of that little expedition. Since I don't owe money for my doctor, I can spend that income on my college tuition next month. I plan to seek an on-campus job there to continue subsidizing my tuition while I resume my studies there. If everything works out, I need not seek another job for at least a whole year.

Also, my dad had a stroke around my birthday last month, he's doing well all things considered, and I actually went to visit him. We had not seen each other in person in nearly 9 years...

I had bought an Screen tablet (HUION KAMVAS PRO 13) for about 320$, I haven't been able to do much with it because of work, but now that I'm close to the end of my tenure there, I've been trying to use it more. I know I have an outstanding comm to do so I'm looking forward to using it for real.

Anyway, I should hopefully be more active again here within a couple weeks. This job really doesn't let me enjoy my usual pasttimes because I often worry that I need to sleep as soon as I finish my job trip so that I am not drowsy when I receive my next call-in.

Ugh. My boss can kiss my ass. His monday work schedule for me is so stupid. I have to clock in at 6am-2pm and then Im expected to immediately rest until 10pm that night then be "on-call" from that point on for the next 15hrs.

Well I couldnt go to sleep because I have to get up early on that Monday morning before just to be sure I can actually arrive on time and be awake enough to drive during the whole shift.

As if I can just go right back to sleep like I'm some damn robot. So I tried to reject a task given to be via the robocall to get more sleep and my boss immediately called me and chewed me out because I was apparently the only person available (even though there was a person ahead of me in the queue going by the app).

This job has already lost it's novelty and I'm barely halfway through my planned tenure... It's not worth it for $9.50/hr and basically everyone knows it (hence the high turnover). Even mom sees how bad I have it and she's a grade school teacher.

The railroad clients have proven once again that they are all cool people. My two clients today emphasized with my gripes on their trip as we rode and they were even okay with me being 25min late (in that they won't report it so my supervisors won't know).

They even let me asked me to stick around for several hours until they drive their train back to my job so I can get some more easy money. (And man do I need it after getting pimp slapped by that $2100 doctor bill…)

It's about the only thing keeping me from quitting on the spot at this point. I will definitely quit by the end of July or early August so I want to make the most of my shitty life phase at the moment.

I figured it'd be high since I'm uninsured (and I can't get insurance from my job for like another month I think), but this is unreal...

I knew this was a bad idea from the start. But again, my family forced me to go (and they probably won't even help me pay for this too like with my last one). Worse is, the bill is even higher than my other bill (680$).

I'm just at a loss for words right now. I just don't know what to do about it since trying to pay it in full will eat at my college budget...

Ugh.. I can already feel myself getting depressed again. =\

... So after coming home from a longish job trip today to a locale about an hour from Jekyll Island, GA (a resort I once visited for a student leadership expo for high schoolers).

Well it had me looking back on my recent accomplishments... or rather the sheer lack of any. My longtime BFF, who attended it with me in High school is now in California likely with a good job now. A couple other old friends are living a couple states away themselves and are probably well off as well.

That leaves me. A 31yo (soon to be 32 in 3months) who is still staying with his mother just idling the days away in-between working a shitty deadend job just to scrape together enough cash to take yet another shot at my college pursuits.

. . . . . . .

For 8 years I haven't done shit and it's really making me feel depressed both for my complete inaction and for allowing myself to get into that situation in the first place (Ergo: Not taking college seriously enough - which resulting in me losing my FAFSA so I can't afford tuition without another income source).

Meanwhile several of my classmates and friends are now working their careers or are at least close to reaching them; I'm only roughly 60% there and it feels like I will probably be approaching 40 by the time I get there. If at all...



Naturally, this really has me in a state of self loathing.

...I once wanted to visit that resort again... if not move near the beach or back to my birthtown in North Carolina after that day 15 years ago. Seeing myself at this day and still haven't done so really makes me feel like I'm worthless. And this rural hole-in-the-wall of a town isn't helping my mood either.

I know getting a career ASAP after grade school is overblown stigma put on both by peers and older generations. But the fact that I messed up back then when I easily could have completed my studies by my 25th birthday is really eating at me still. And letting literally a quarter of my current life be lived as a NEET isn't helping.

... That's all I have to say for now. I'm trying to get better, I managed to land a job after all these years of failed attempts... but it feels so easy to get discouraged. I know I have moved past my absolute worst a long time ago (I once contemplated suicide), but I think this is the kind of thing that can push more vulnerable people over that threshold...

Okay... Sooo... I had a personal incident...

Wanted to get some benyldrl so I can get some needed sleep. Suddenly, I felt like my heart beat was slowing or something and then I suddenly felt like I was gonna collapse in my bathroom.

Called out to mom and she kept talking to me as I felt like I was passing out. Struggled to stay standing but I couldn't stay balanced and I was lying on the floor in a few secs.

I was on the floor for about a minute or two. With mom constantly talking to me.

I recovered a bit but my right ear was ringing for several minutes

I am better now. But mom refuses to let me wait until after work today so yeah... I'm at the ER now.

I will be transporting railroad workers to or from their workplace.

It's not a difficult job and I have weekends off but it does have inconsistent hours from Tues to Friday.

The pay is okay, but it's only to finance my tuition for August classes. If I hate the job or if I get a better job offer then I will probably quit after May or July.