Hey!
Currently down with a sinus infection, but my bills are all paid for the moment and things are stable <3

In April I'm getting a broken tooth extracted, it's really gonna suck! I'm trying to haul ass to finish all of my commissions so I have nothing to fret over by then. The extraction is on the 21st of April so fingers crossed.

I opened for emergency commissions because I was given 1 day notice to make $400 dollars or my power will be shut off. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51309043/

You may be wondering "why does this happen so often?? Can't u just be responsible and pay ur bills??" And I haven't really been open about my living situation on here before. But I feel like I'm at a point where my spottiness looks pretty bad on me without giving some context and it makes me feel tremendously guilty. Everyone has always talked to me with kindness and understanding, I literally could not thank all of you who commission me and support me enough. I don't feel pressured by anyone to write this, I just feel like I owe context to people because I feel bad making people wait.

I live with my mother, and she is extremely abusive and controlling especially with living expenses. She doesn't ever give me access to the bills or even lets me know when they are due or how much they are. She will only tell me a day or two before our power or water is gettign shut off to let me know I need to paypal her $200, $400 for the bill on short notice.

I'm disabled, I am Autistic and I have DID which makes it extremely hard to work a regular job since I have amnesia/memory loss and I'm not always in control of myself or what my body does. I'm actually currently, waiting on SSA to accept or reject me for Disability! Taking art commissions is the only source of income I have and I only make money when I open commissions like these. I live basically off the amount I make here while I work on the commissions, so when she springs these payments on me out of the blue I usually don't have the money to spare. For context I usually stretch 350 - 450 dollars out months until the next commission opening.
I don't like opening commissions when I have previous commissions to do, it makes me feel like I'm letting people down. But if I don't then we lose power, or I don't get groceries. It's always something in this house.

She used to work for the Post office and made plenty of money, and I helped when I could. Usually I am responsible for keeping the house clean and watching our dogs, and making everyone food. But she quit her job inexplicably and has been trying to make ends meet how she can, often not making good financial decisions during these struggling times. She's gettign rehired at the post office this month because she desperately wants that job back, so hopefully this is the last month I need to be doing this.
But now that she's struggling with money, I am responsible for cleaning, cooking, dog sitting, AND making extra money. And it's a lot on my disabled body. When I am in control and it's not alters fronting and doing their own things, I am always combating burnout.

I am supposed to travel two hours next week into town (we live rural) to have some dental assistance at a low income help facility and I can't even afford the $40 for that right now. And she wants me to pay our $400 electric bill by tomorrow or our power will be shut off until we can make it.

I hate. HATE taking commissions when I have stuff in my queue to get done. I absolutely hate making people wait, but if i don't take more I won't be able to work on commissions at all.
I don't like being put in this position. I don't like that she has this type of financial control over me. When I get accepted for disability, this issue will hopefully resolve and I won't have to do this every other month.

Thank you for always being patient and understanding, thank you for commissioning me. I know my productivity has deteriorated over the years as my disability gets more complex and my mother gets less reasonable. I am thinking optimistically about the future though, and I am always happy to be able to do what I love for such a great group of folks.


Later today I'm going to introduce some of my alters who actually help me do work on this account, and I want to start being more open about my DID since it's a big part of not just my life, but also my identity. It feels weird and impersonal not to talk about it on here haha, especially since I consider a lot of you my friends!

I wish my journals weren't always giant life updates but sometimes life is just a constant struggle. One day I hope my journals just turn into me showing you all funny memes fhghfg.

not like death bed levels but i am so sick all ive been able to do since after christmas has been sleep and blow my nose. I think it's just the world's worst sinus infection

I'm still workin on sketch comms but forgive my radio silence lol

I'm still keeping up with Kinktobers, I am a day ahead as we speak!!!

I will not be posting them or responding to notes until this graphic content / CSAM spam on the front page is 100% over. I'm a CSA survivor with PTSD and I just. cannot risk seeing that. I don't think I'd be able to handle it mentally at all.

Hopefully you understand this, and once I've been told by friends on FA it's clear I will post all of my commissions <3 Thank you for your understanding, I appreciate it.

I am using my phone Hotspot RN but it's limited to if I go dead I promise its not bc I'm trying to be
I just live in the middle of nowhere and my internet bwoken :(

im sorry my comissions have been super late recently, or like for the past 4 months or so
things in my family are not good and i have been really really struggling to get back on my feet

i have had a really bad relapse in my mental health recently
so i appreciate everyone's patience and kindness, but also my commissioners are all valid to be frustrated too if you are

I've come back from our family emergency, working on commissions again!

Heya guys, I'm out of town for a family emergency :(( I brought my tablet so I'll try to draw but I make no promises on getting all of the sketches sent this week like i'd hoped too. The pokepuff commissions are halfway done though!!!

ugh apparently paypal is raising it's fees from 2.4% of each transation to a whopping 3.4% and thats
ouch my wallet

commissions are 100% of my income so that's a huge gut punch to me.
i might consider shifting away from paypal but unfortunately I know most people probably won't want to set up a different account on another money platform just to buy from me :( paypal is too convenient. So sad, I'm not sure what to do atm.

As you can see, my very, very, very overdue kinktobers have finally been uploaded.
Truthfully I have been off the map since October, and I could sit here and talk to you about all the shit that's happened between now and then. But in the end? that's all an excuse and it's not okay for me to up and leave and not tell my commissioners why I'm not finishing their owed art.

It wasn't my intention to ghost everyone, I was scared they'd get angry if I told them I was struggling but that was all super unfounded because all of you are so sweet and understanding. You still deserved updates, even if it was "not yet."
So I'm very sorry about that! I will likely not do kinktobers like I have in the past again just because I clearly cannot keep up with them so that this doesn't ever happen again.

TLDR; I take full responsibility for not being in contact with you guys. There is zero excuse for it and I'm sorry. But I have uploaded ALL of my queue! So it is no worries now!

Now I want to kind of open up and talk about what's been going on, not to excuse my bad business practices but just to sort of talk about it openly and professionally.

So late 2020 I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID.
I've been trying to be open about it was mt therapists recommendation and I don't think I ever have explained it here before, but it's been a huge part in making it difficult to maintain a professional work schedule.
DID used to be called Multiple Personality disorder, but that's outdated, inaccurate and harmful.
For me, I'm not the only person who operates and controls my body. I don't know what these other people in my brain do, I have full on amnesia. As if my soul gets sucked out of my body and theirs get's put in for a short time.
I am. One of 3 people that draws, and many of the people who have been coming forward lately due to my living situation haven't been one of those 3 artists.
They take my time up, there's no control over when someone is out or not. They are really nice, and they don't mean to keep me from work, but it's been supremely hard to work around these gaps in my memory. Gaps that have been months at a time. I don't want anyone to get the impression DID is evil or dangerous, it isn't, they're people just like me and I treat them like a family. It would just be if your family had to take turns piloting your body to get through the things THEY wanted to do. you know?

Aside from that, I live with an abusive parent in the middle of nowhere. Our tensions have been growing steadily since november and it's gotten to a point where my mental health has declined so much, I was begging to be put in a ward. I didn't have to do that, thankfully! And I am much better but i am. definitely struggling right now.

With DID plus my physical health issues ( I walk with a cane) I've just been super rotting away in my bedroom unable to control much of my life from November until now, and I'm just starting to get myself back on track after this giant spiral.
I am coming back to commissions full swing!

We are learning to work around our time gaps better as a system/body with DID, and with that we're beginning to open up and educate people more on it too.
So if anybody has questions about it, or thinks a little informational post about it could help I would be happy to make one.


I hope everyone is still around <3 I miss you all, you're all such a sweet understanding community and I owe a lot of the good things in my life to you for allowing me to live off of my art. So thank you for reading and understanding.

My friend  xennielle has started posting on FA again and is looking to take commissions!
I've seen their painterly work, it's just fantastic. I definitely recommend getting something from them!

https://www.furaffinity.net/user/xennielle/
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/xennielle/
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/xennielle/

Give them a watch for sure!

The cyst situation is finally gone, I'm still taking medication but I can sleep, sit, and eat so I'm mostly back to normal now!

Expect my posting schedule to return to normal in the next day or so!

heya
my internet is back on
but rn i am dealing with a severely uncomfortable health issue. without going into much detail bc its tmi and also kind of. gross.
i have a cyst as the base of my spine that makes it incredibly painful to sit, stand, bend over, lay down, pretty much
literally every mode of being is absolute uncomfortability and agony and i probably won't be able to get it looked at much less fixed for another week or so....

on top of that, the cyst is also giving me on and off fevers, body aches, AND it pushes against where I already have chronic hip pains. Im not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I walk with a cane due to my hips. So it's making things. a lot worse right now.

please me patient with me, is all i ask. all i am doing is trying to find that rare place to help me get comfortable and trying to work on overdue kinktobers at my desk while my painmeds are kicked in

i know i am getting some less than enthused notes about how 'my kinktobers are late' and
im just 1 chronically ill person trying to draw. 35 images in a month in a timely manner. i am really trying my best, I'm sorry I haven't stayed on top of things.

i dont mean that in a passive aggressive way either, i am genuinely apologetic

>:( my fucking internet is out I hate it here
sendin thos from my phone

I am working on day 31's, and when my internet comes back I'll be uploading everyone's kinktobers and sending day 3 sketches for approval! thanks!

i have been having a rough couple of days, dealing with a lot of pain in my (drawing) wrist and also I struggle really badly with Dissociation and it's been making it hard to do much of anything.
I am still working on kinktobers but I can say they all probably won't be completed until the beginning of november. I really appreciate patience and kindness, I am disabled to taking on a month of nonstop work load has really burnt me out ;;;;

me uploading the last 4 days of kinktobers because I somehow forgot I hadn't uploaded them + two were a day behind gbjvbkjg

Just to let you know I ended up at my grandparents place for two days, hard to draw porn with them breathing down my neck lol. But I'm trying to get them all done so there's no 'kinktober traffic jam' like last year.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43.....che=1632191321
<3

Keep your eyes peeled :)c I'm excited for this years!!

This will be a featured journal of all of my current commission Queue. What to know how far your commission has progressed? I will update this with "sketched, lined, colouring, Complete" ! next to your username!

!! Please keep in mind before any inquiries, my wait time is up to 2 months due to how many commissions I take at once, and I typically do them in a first come first serve order. !!

If you have any concerns, you are still totally free to shoot me a note!

CURRENT QUEUE:

1..  luxbae  moonstriker53  20swift12 - Eeveelutions YCH - ALL PAID - Colouring....

as title suggests, been off for like 15 hrs now
drawing as normal, uploads and note responses however will be much slower

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9966528/
would not put it passed tiktok to do something like this.
I haven't personally seen a drop in business (I thank you all for that <333) but this is quite literally the only way I am able to make money right now due to many factors, mostly my physical and mental health. But also because I live in the middle of nowhere now. So if this does become an issue, I'm not really sure what I'd do to pay rent or sustain myself. It isn't often I am sought after for my SFW content.

Please, please be wary of the ages of the people you commission from. If they don't have it in their bio, I wouldn't commission them personally. but that's just me.

The evil ants have been vanquished!!!! So I should be resuming commissions again! <3

I am expecting company the 24th-29th, but I'll likely still work on commissions at that time.

Sorry for slow progress on art commissions, my house is infested with ants and its keeping me from sleeping. ive not been doing well because of it.

I want to thank you guys a lot for supporting me!!
I am currently not able to get another job, and you guys have really, really helped me out the past year. It means more to me than you could ever know.
This year I've had a lot of tough times from mental health and Physical health, and knowing I was at least somewhat financially secure because you guys always bought commissions for me made it a little easier <333

You are also just all sweethearts and always fun to chat with, not to mention patient!! I know occasionally I fall off the map <:C I'm getting better about not doing that though.


I am not really sure what to do for 500 watchers? A QnA? an About the Artist? Something else?? If anyone has input on that, feel free to comment!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42961381/
Also Spin for Sin is open again!! ^^ and if that doesn't interest you, I am opening up a TF auction soon that is eeveelution themed!