This honestly has to be one of the worst days I've had in a long while. It didn't even start out too badly either, which is a bigger kick in the groin. Here's how it all begins then.

We finished clearing out a little path in the other room so dad and I could change the TVs around to give me the good one from there. All goes well there, the swap goes without a hitch and I'm all excited to have a good TV for a change. Plug it in and everything, go and hook up the cable to it, sit back and watch for a moment while celebrating having it. Next is to hook up my games to it, particularly the 360. Because it has a couple more AV slots on it I figured I'd just take the one transition box I've had in here and put it with the other TV for now, so I tried to get it out of the way. But first was turning the TV to the side so I could look behind it and plug in the other things with the cable.

Suddenly as I moved the box, within moments the TV just randomly falls off the stand completely and crashes to the floor. I panic and pick it back up, put it on the stand again and see a green spot on it in the corner of the screen, got worried, and just tried turning it off. It comes back on and everything's fine, so I'm relieved. Check in the back and see the cable came out, so I go to put it back in and... suddenly it won't fit. Keep trying until frustration sets in, show it to mom when she arrives, she goes to get dad to check it out, I unscrewed the cable's cord from the thing and realize the damn thing COMPLETELY ripped out of the TV. So now there's no way to plug in my cable to this awesome TV, meaning no television whatsoever. We can't get the little thing back in it at all, so fucking wonderful, it's broken now when I had this in my room for maybe 5 minutes. Games work fine, but that's really about it.

You'd think that's bad enough, right? Well, that's only the beginning. Tonight had a Red Wings game so means I have to find some way to watch it because I hate missing those. Would do it in the other room, but then I can't sit anywhere (no clear seats right now) and less access to the computer with my friends (no laptop). So I came back in here to watch it on a stream somebody had. Realized during this when I glanced over with the light on, my drums for Rock Band on the 360 are broken. The red pad is snapped and hanging by some plastic on the bottom and the wires are still connected at least. My guess is the TV fell on top of it and snapped it like that. So if it wasn't bad enough I need to fix or get a new TV, the fucking drums need to be replaced (they were rather shitty anyway).

Compound all of this with the fact I have no job right now, won't get more money until May at the earliest to my knowledge if I don't get a job soon, and wanted to buy myself a laptop finally now that I have money saved for it from baseball and football. Plus I've been considering getting a new guitar controller for 360 because mine is kind of stupid at times and I'd like having 2 for multiplayer if I ever have people over to play with. But now? Now I have to reconsider everything, whether to buy new drums, buy a new TV, pay to fix this one, how long to wait to get my laptop I've waited months and years for (especially with recent issues with this computer). I was excited for soccer season before all of this shit took over. I've spent the entire night in a fog of anger, hate-filled rage, and deep depression.

I don't know how many people care about my journals, but I needed to vent about this somewhere openly. It's pissed me off so badly and I don't know what to do about any of it.

For all who don't know already, today's my 22nd birthday. So leave your birthday wishes here, or if you make any gifts for me, feel free to post them here, too.

Also happy Thanksgiving Americans, while I'm at it. On the same day this year and all.

About Me Meme

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.


FAMILY/HOME LIFE

[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I have a child.
[ ] I've lost a child.

SCHOOL/WORK

[ ] I'm in school.
[x] I have a job. (Sort of, only seasonal)
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[ ] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.

EMBARRASSMENT

[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.


HEALTH

[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I've had a serious surgery.
[ ] I've had chicken pox.

TRAVEL

[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[ ] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[x] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

EXPERIENCES

[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from MySpace. (If Neil Cicierega counts)
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken. (Trampoline Chicken)
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[ ] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

RELATIONSHIPS

[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[ ] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY

[ ] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[ ] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

DRUGS/ALCOHOL

[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[ ] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I've woken up crying.

DEATH

[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

MATERIALISM

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

RANDOM

[x] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[x] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I've copied over 30 CDs in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I got my learner's permit renewed finally today, been waiting to do it for like... 2 years I think. Because I'm lazy and never went again with the stuff to do so. But now I finally went up there with the various documents proving my identity and shit, took their test and passed with 41 of 50 right, paid the $25, and got my learner's permit back. They said it'll expire March 18th of next year (so about 6 months) and if I come back before then after passing the driving test, I'll get the license with the fee waived. Now I'll likely go get the license out of the way in the next couple of weeks or so, because I want it as fast as possible. Tentative plan is to drive myself to Youmacon in November, and that's on the weekend of the 3rd, so I need to get the license before then. Takes about 2-3 weeks for them to mail it out, so I'd need to finish that test at least a month in advance.

So yeah, figured I'd announce the big news since it's important to me and I don't post often. There shall be much rejoicing now that I'm closer to the license.

Yes, someone asked me to do it, so why not try it? Link to the generator is here: http://wyncorporation.com/pokemon/

1. This Pokémon will cook for you for the rest of your life:
Mothim (how would a moth cook me food?)

2. This Pokémon hates you a lot:
Shedinja (Well, that's creepy)

3. You share your bed with this Pokémon:
Nidoran Male (Doesn't seem safe with those horns and poison)

4. This Pokémon will sit on your lap when you are on the computer:
Buneary (Awesome, a cuddly little rabbit to have)

5. This Pokémon is madly obsessed with you in a creepy/romantic manner:
Gothita (Ew, no thanks)

6. This Pokémon will join your team and stay in it forever:
Totodile (Fair enough, it's kind of cute)

7. This Pokemon will kill you slowly and painfully:
Sceptile (I could see that happening, it looks evil enough)

8. This Pokemon has a mother complex and will cling to you all the time:
Unfezant (I'm not even big on birds)

9. This Pokemon would risk it's life to save you from any danger:
Hariyama (Well that's honorable of it)

10. This Pokemon secretly touches you in your sleep:
Metang (Wouldn't I know when a giant metal... thing is touching me?)

I was searching on YouTube the other day to see if anybody had made a Kirby Abridged series based on the anime, and found a lot of results come up for it. However, among all I looked at, various problems come up. 1.) They need better voice acting, 2.) they only have 1-3 episodes done and haven't updated in over a year or two so are clearly dead, or 3.) they're just not any good in general. I didn't bother watching most of them based on the fact they didn't have many episodes, and the ones I did sucked to me. One was alright, but even that wasn't amazing.

So with this in mind I told a friend it was making me feel like I could do a better abridged series than these people have in the past. I was mostly kidding about actually doing it, since I didn't think I'd really have the ability to do it. But to my surprise, he suggested I should try it. I mentioned it to  theveiledwarlock and he agreed it sounded like it could be fun to try. We tossed around ideas for who to recruit with it and now we're seriously considering this. I have him,  ecko, and myself on board as voice actors, and someone else in mind who could do editing and voices.

But back to the main question at hand: what do you guys think? Is this a good idea for me to try working on an abridged series or is it a waste of time? If you're willing to help us out in any way, then I'll welcome that, too. For now, though, we have no idea who's doing what characters either, so I'll wait to ask for that later if the need arises.

I had to remove the two versions of my Helena cover after having read on the Furry Singers journal pointing out the key changes to the new AUP. Basically any musical covers that include the original song, which includes instrumentals or whatnot, are not allowed. As we clearly know, I was using an instrumental version of the song to sing over, as I'm not in a band and can't play any instruments myself to perform the song with. So to make sure I don't get in any trouble, I took both down myself. Like I said, I doubt anyone will care anyway, it wasn't all that amazing to begin with and I could do better. I'm glad they mentioned it on that group, otherwise I wouldn't have known about it.

Self-Contained

You like to stick to your own business and leave the power struggles to others; you know who you are and what you believe in, but you don't see any reason to impose your values on everyone else.

You generally don't get involved in organizing or motivating people, and you don't feel the need to always be seen as a big public decision-maker.

Literal

You are much more interested in the concrete than in abstractions, and more comfortable talking about things you know are tangible and real than in speculating about concepts.

You see no reason to constantly hunt for hidden connections, figure out how to make things work more smoothly, or solve everyone's problems.

Acquiescent

You are comfortable in your own skin and don't need to throw your weight around. You'll often choose to be the one who is told what to do rather than the one who's doing the telling, and you sometimes avoid confrontations even if it means that you won't get your way.

You aren't interested in making others bend to your will or in always dishing out criticism. You're not a pushy person, and you like it that way.

Cooperative

You enjoy teamwork, play well with others, and prefer getting along to winning.

You're not compelled to win every contest nor to be right all the time.

Reserved

You are somewhat shy, or at least unwilling to spend all your time socializing. With you it's true that "still waters run deep," which is why many of your acquaintances never get to know you well.

You are not always ready to talk at the drop of a hat. Whether you're in the office or at a party, you're not likely to be found gabbing away in the middle of a group of people.

Pessimistic

You tend to be a "glass half-empty" kind of person, which for you is simply a realistic outlook. Your feeling is that this world can be a depressing place, and only a fool would think otherwise.

You do not waste your time searching for the silver lining in every cloud, nor do you believe it's your job to cheer up the people around you with happy talk.

Realistic

You get done what you need to get done without pondering "hidden meanings" or feeling compelled to figure out how everything works; you're happy taking things as they are, dealing with them, and moving on.

You're not obsessed with getting to the bottom of everything. For instance, as long as you know what someone did you don't necessarily need to know why they did it.

Unsettled

You may be comfortable on your home turf, but you have a tendency to be self-conscious in an unfamiliar environment. While you're usually at ease with your friends, you can be a little skittish around strangers.

You usually don't feel at home in unfamiliar settings or with new people. When you get rattled, you don't necessarily recover instantly.

Discreet

You tend to hold onto your thoughts until you have something important to say, and even then you're not comfortable imposing your ideas on others unless you know they're truly interested.

You don't enjoy talking for the sake of talking, and you have no desire to be the center of attention.

Scrupulous

You are an honest, fair person. You don't lie or cheat to get ahead. You treat others with respect and hope for the same in return.

You do not feel that you are above the rules that everyone else follows; you are definitely not willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Borrowed this from someone else's journal, thought it'd be interesting to try it, and I like the results I got. It's extremely accurate for me.

Tomorrow morning I'll be house-sitting for my sister and her boyfriend for the weekend while they're gone up north for vacation. I will have access to her computer and such, but likely will avoid furry sites like FA so it won't be in her browser's history. Could be awkward if I forget to delete and she notices. >>; I doubt this will affect anybody, but pretty much I'll still be on MSN and Xbox Live all weekend, but won't be able to check messages or journals here on FA until Sunday when I come home. Just thought I'd let everybody who cares know, and for the sake of posting a new journal.

For everyone who remembered the 2010 review from earlier this year, there's some awesome news that I mentioned in there. My best friend Sheena has finally come back. :D She came online again Monday night and explained everything, and so I'm not worried about her anymore. She'll possibly be on a little more but isn't sure, depends on how her work schedule works out. I just had to announce this to everyone here who cares on FA. Over a year and a half waiting to see if I'd ever hear from her again or see her was brutal... so glad that's over at last.

For all the paw lovers on my watch list, happy Paw Day to you, you get Raichu feet. *holds his feet up*

For the rest of you, I don't know what to tell you because you don't like/care for feet I assume, so this holiday doesn't apply to you very well. Despite that, happy Paw Day for you as well.

Yes, I am going to FCN this weekend (or Furry Connection North for the unfamiliar people). I'll be going there courtesy of and his roommates, who offered to not only take me along but pay for my badge to get in. It shall be my first furry convention I've ever gone to, and I'm excited for it. I was told earlier tonight they're coming Thursday to get me, so I shall be gone from Thursday till Sunday for those who care. I'll try to report about the time I had when I get the chance after. But this is going to be great both spending time with Blade again and going to a furry convention. If you're also going and want to meet or something (why I won't know), I'll be Lord PichuPal as usual.

Now watch as I take months and months to complete the main story like usual. Because these people who speed through games in a couple days confuse me. What's the point of buying it if you're going to beat it within the span of 2-3 days? You might as well just rent it, because there might be no reason left to keep it. I don't know, maybe that's just me.

But anyway, I bought Black Version yesterday, and started with Oshawott. If you for some reason want to add me, my FC is 2408-4554-5177. Mind you I suck at battling other people because I don't focus on "EV training" or any of that shit, I just go out and try to catch everything and make sure my Pokemon are strong enough to beat gym leaders and whatnot. But if you really want to challenge me to a battle, well alright. I'm fine with trading as well. Regardless, just wanted to point out I had the game if anyone cares.

That's right, an actual job. Too bad it isn't for another month or so. But it's still an important and big job for me. I got officially approved to be an umpire for MHSAA, or the Michigan High School Athletics Association. Which in other words means, I've taken a step up the ladder from little league games only to doing high school games this year. Season begins in April, and I'll mostly just work games in my county, then do my usual work with Riverview in May through July. Hopefully all the work will give me experience at the job so I can continue my career further, and get a lot of money saved up. I'm really excited to get back on the field, I love this job a lot and can't wait to continue.

As for another job, I applied to Meijer, a local superstore that's scattered throughout Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, and I think Kentucky, too. For now I only applied for bagger/utility guy, but I might add in an application for cashier, too. The one here in Southgate was hiring for both positions as of this month, so I hope this ends my long job hunt finally.

I was gone to Blade's house so hadn't remembered it when it came by. But January 28th was a chilling anniversary. For those who have followed and known me for the past year, you'll know what I'm talking about. On that day in 2010 my ex-girlfriend and ex-best friend Angel killed herself, according to a few sources. One who says they witnessed it over webcam and another who acquired all her belongings. It's just hard to believe she's been gone for over a year now...

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there. I've handled it better over the past few months since meeting Blade and I guess I can thank him for helping with the healing process. It took me a while to be affected by the news, but when I was it struck hard. Still times when I miss her, but very far and few between now. She was a great friend for years, and still ashamed I wasn't nicer to my former friend the final 5 months she was around, even if she wasn't my friend at the time.

I doubt anybody here knows her, she wasn't a furry and never joined FA, and many of my current friends on FA didn't know me back when I got the news she died. But if you're interested in reading about it, check the past journal from almost a year ago. On a side note, it's now been a full 13 months since my other best friend Sheena has signed on to MSN or appeared online at all. I seriously hope she's okay and comes back one day, I miss her a lot. If anybody knows her or thinks the name is familiar let me know privately, and we can confirm if it's the same person. January sure did suck in 2010. >.>;

Alright, so here's a basic recap and breakdown of everything from 2010 for me. Based on what I remember as general events each month to see if this year sucked or if it was good. Honestly I don't know at the moment, it generally looks bad at times then feels good at other points. We shall see.

January- Early in the month break up with lying fucker  metalgreymon and go with asshole  kaputsky instead after meeting him a couple days prior, both relationships were big mistakes. Best friend Sheena goes and vanishes after January 3rd, not signing on to MSN ever since. Ex-girlfriend Angel kills herself allegedly on the 28th, after 5 months of a strained relationship with her as a friend following a big fight in September 09. (General look at this month: Ugly)

February- Relationshit ends between Mikau and myself late in the month, friendship still viewed as being possible. Uhh... can't think what else happened this month now, was relatively slow. (General look at this month: Average)

March- Admitted feelings for newly named best friend  rejonicle and got the okay from his boyfriend at the time,  kaard, to begin dating. In turn became better friends with Kaard and started to feel happiness again knowing I had a mate and blindly thought all was well between us. Mikau decides after hearing this news to block both of us and declare raging hate on us for "ruining his chance with Reji" like that. Once again, I forget what else happened in this month. (General look at this month: Average)

April- Sign up to work baseball games as an umpire for city of Brownstown in their little league, attending the class late in the month for it. Same day of that meeting and trip to sister's house, get the news about Angel's death from 3 months ago. Things also begin to spiral downwards already with Reji in our relationship, as he privately grows unhappy with me. Hopes for getting called by Riverview for the season diminish, thinking maybe they aren't going to call. (Generally look at this month: Bad)

May- Officially broke up with Reji, with the promise that we'll stay friends and that he'll never leave me alone, and claims to feel terrible about it. Just as the season begins for Brownstown, Riverview calls to set up their class and introduces the new system they have in place of running themselves independently, changing the pay scale drastically. The attempt to work for both leagues begins, in hopes of making extra money to save up. Attended my first Detroit Red Wings playoff game, 2nd round Game 4 against San Jose where Detroit avoided a sweep with a 7-1 blowout (happened to be the same day Brownstown asked me if I could work after giving me the day off initially). At the end of the month, Brownstown rips me off by never paying me for the last 2 games and never calls again, while I continue work for Riverview. (General look at this month: Decent)

June- Work continues with Riverview, racking up a lot of money from games, and gaining respect and praise from my new boss who will take over in the near future. Moved up the ranks in age groups finally, allowing me to make more money doing more games. Slowly Reji slips away for reasons unknown, Sheena still missing, and the depression from the break-up is replaced by feeling good about baseball season going well. (General look at this month: Good)

July- Baseball keeps going, get picked to help with the annual tournament for the U-12 division and work the most-used field in the city all weekend long. In the end earned over $200 for about 8 games, including the championship for that division, but got sunburned on the arms and neck on Saturday of the tournament. Season winds to an end, making over $800 total after it's over, with the last game in early August due to rainouts and such extending the season. Boss asks me if I'd like to work high school games in 2011, and says he'll call when the class comes up for it. Outside of baseball, no other major news I can think of. (General look at this month: Decent)

August- Uhh... blurry on what happened here. Mostly had to spend a lot of my hard-earned money because of birthday presents and such, like buying a guitar controller for 360 for my sister, which ultimately I was allowed to keep. I believe there was news from someone who knew Angel in real life to another friend of her's this month, but I forget. Basically the guy told her Angel was dead since she didn't know already, and that he inherited her computer and some other stuff, and noticed an e-mail she had sent to Angel before from July when he was checking only once. I think I also got to pre-register finally for Youmacon this month, too. (General look at this month: Below average)

September- Loneliness begins setting in fully now, as Reji continues ignoring and breaking his promise to me and Sheena continues to be missing without word. Depression and much sadness commences. Attempts to find a job continue to fail as they have all year, just like all of 2009, and all of 2008, and all of 2007. Attempts to find friends and mates on Pounced begins around now or last month, I forget when, but the people I meet don't work well due to not talking much. Things look very bleak and hopeless by now, as I've been single for 4 months and without a true mate since January 2009. (General look at this month: Bad)

October- Things start to turn around, getting a surprise message from someone named  bladehakasha who saw me on Pounced before and figured maybe we could be good friends. I had left a comment for his late friend  j-nil back in July after hearing about his suicide from  scithecheetah in a journal, and he recognized me from that so thought to drop a line and thank me for the kind words, on top of see about being friends. Little did we know how much in common we'd have and how close we'd become during the weeks to follow. Also attended Youmacon again at the Renaissance Center here in Detroit, bearing a Red Mage, Raichu, and Team Rocket costume and a hotel room with my brother and his friends. Got to see Lemon Demon again live, got their autographs, met Little Kuriboh again for his autograph, and got Team Four Star's autographs. However the weekend overall was average due to many problems to happen while I was there, like waiting hours to get my registration sorted out and not having time to volunteer. (General look at this month: Great)

November- Now things get really good, as I head out to visit Blade about a week after Youmacon to spend a week with him and his roommate  brianellingar to see how compatible we are in person. After a very successful and fun trip, we begin dating and continue falling deeper in love each day. To make it all better, around my 21st birthday at Thanksgiving, my aunt agrees to bring Blade out here with her so he can spend my birthday and Thanksgiving with us, before taking him back home a day later. The trip was fun, though he did get homesick midway through sadly. Also served as a way to tell my mom he's my boyfriend, thus coming out officially as bisexual to her, despite the wrong ideas she gets. Interviewed at Burger King a day after getting home from the first trip, however nothing comes of it. (General look at this month: Great)

December- Not a lot of news, mostly being invited to a Secret Santa project by  lonelygabu to make gifts for random folks who sign up. Still very rarely hearing from Reji, leading me to believe he never loved me and isn't a true friend anymore. Christmas goes pretty well, although I didn't get to spend it with Blade like we'd hoped. Received my new Xbox 360 Slim and many of the games I wanted, and pretty satisfied with it all to this point. However learning I won't get to move with Blade and Brian to Missouri in October is disappointing news, we hope to find an alternative. (General look at this month: Decent)

So in all, not too bad a year. Many ups and downs, found myself a truly great boyfriend at last, made plenty of good new friends this year as well (some I need to talk to more to consider friends) and lost many others in their place. I hope that in 2011 I can finally get my driver's license taken care of, move with Blade somewhere so we can live together, find a job besides baseball, and get things settled on my mental conditions. In all I hope this year will be better than 2010 was, and that things continue to look up if that's at all possible. Happy new year everybody.

So today is (or was, since the day is almost over) the 30th anniversary of John Lennon's murder. A very sad, unfortunate day for all fans of The Beatles and of Lennon's. I admit I wasn't alive yet when this happened, but even so I feel a sense of sadness on this day, too. I may not have been around when he was successful and making music and spreading his goodwill to the world, but I've grown to love him and the band over my lifetime. After years of being a big fan, I've learned a lot about him and the band, so it's almost like I grew up with them sometimes.

Anyway, it's a tragic event all the same, and we're all left to only wonder what John would think of the world today, or what he could've accomplished or done had Mark Chapman not killed him that night. It's a real shame and all of us who love his music and his ideals miss him greatly.

Just to give everyone ample time to reply if they want, I'm now officially 21 years old today. On this day back in 1989 I came into the world, and being that I'm American, it means I'm finally of legal age to do anything, assuming I want to. So yeah, happy birthday to me, and here's to hoping it's a good day ahead. I actually plan on sleeping here soon, but I will update later with how it went.

If anybody wants to give me any sort of gift art to celebrate the occasion, don't hesitate to do so. It's rare I get pictures drawn for me at random, so it's certainly welcome. Don't think of this as a "I demand gift art D<" message, I'm just throwing the suggestion out there. It'd be really special to me for someone to do that for me on my birthday is all, and I would appreciate it, but by no means am I forcing anybody to get me anything. Anyway, if you want to give me anything or do anything special for my birthday, today's the day to do it.

For all curious, the day ended with 48 different people wishing me a happy birthday during the 24 hour period. That's an average of 2 people every hour, which is pretty cool. Thanks to all who gave me a shout here, Facebook, MSN, or wherever. Even had a college I want to apply to e-mail me about it.

Edit: I got my presents and such for now, more stuff should be on the way eventually. For now I've gotten Band Hero and Guitar Hero: Van Halen for Xbox 360, the new My Chemical Romance CD, and $71 from my family. Then a picture of my sexy Floatzel character Moeshe from my boyfriend, and another friend is going to draw me a pic with Moeshe included later. Plus another friend plans to commission me a picture with Moe, so there's a lot of Floatzel love for my birthday this year.

Back home again from visiting the awesome  bladehakasha and his friend/roommate  brian_ellingar as of Sunday night. I had a great time there, and felt very at home around them after a couple days. We decided to make our relationship official as of November 8th, and it feels great. <3 Might also be seeing him again next week for my birthday and Thanksgiving, at least we hope so. That'll be fun if it works out, really look forward to hanging out with him again some time soon.

Next I have a job interview tomorrow morning. O: Yes, I actually got called by Burger King earlier today about if I was interested still. So I'm all nervous and excited about that, I hope it goes well. I'd love to have a job finally, I've been looking for 4 years and never had any luck. It's only the 2nd time I've been called for an interview, and 4th time in total I've had one for a job. So it's kind of hard figuring out how to prepare myself. But I've got a good feeling about it, like I'm going to get hired. Where did this renewed sense of confidence come from, I wonder? Never usually this confident about anything.

And one other thing to mention, in case anybody notices or cares about it. At the request of the artist, I took down the picture of Kelvin and Ría. He didn't like seeing it posted anymore, so asked if I could remove it. As much as I'd like keeping it up because I haven't got many pictures of Kelvin, I'm respecting his request because he's one of my best friends. I'll also change the cover art for Connected Rivers once he helps out with that, too. He offered to do a new picture for the story and once we get something figured out for it, I'll put it on the chapters. Speaking of which, I'm still working on chapter 6, that story will not die. On top of that, I am working on the other two stories, too. I'm just really lazy.

Lastly, I got a new avatar. I had a little help with it, but it was my idea to do it and I think it looks great. Inspired by all the various NC/AVGN avatars and such I see around.

Now normally my life is pretty shitty, or something good can come up and then quickly get drowned out by something bad within a few days. Rarely does one good thing follow with another good thing for me. But something strange has happened, two good things in a row.

First off, we're getting me an Xbox 360 Slim for my birthday or Christmas, and in the meantime my sister and her boyfriend offered to let me borrow their old 360 Elite after it was repaired and after he got his new Halo Reach Xbox. Almost a month later the old one finally returned from Microsoft all fixed, and she gave me it along with a surprise gift, which turned out to be Guitar Hero 5. Plus they threw in a free month of Xbox Live Gold for the inconvenience. Now all of that is pretty good, and I am enjoying it so far. But wait, there's still more good news.

I've been looking for about 5 months now for a new mate, and nearly 3 years now since I've had a GOOD relationship (yes, a quick little jab at my past three mates, whom should all know who they are). Back in July I read a journal from someone I watch on here about a guy he knew in school named J-Nil having died a few days prior. Now I never knew him, or even know Sci that well, but I checked out J-Nil's page and paid my respects to him like I tend to do when I find accounts of dead users. I thought nothing of it, but it's a friendly gesture in my eyes. Flash forward to about a week ago, I get a message from someone saying they were a friend of his and that he checks every so often to see who's left comments.

As it turns out, he found me on Pounced and remembered me from FA because of that post. He asked if I'd like to talk and that J-Nil would've kicked him for not approaching me in the first place, and after some minor MSN issues, we got each other added and got to talk. I must say, I have NEVER met someone who has so much in common with me that I just have to stop and shake my head, as if to say "Wow, that's amazing." Both of us were scared by how alike we are, and have really grown close fast already. Who would've guessed that all this would be possible because I posted a comment paying respects to someone I never knew? Now it seems like I've found myself a new boyfriend who lives only 2 hours away from me in Michigan, and agrees with me on tons of things. In fact, I know it's fast, but I think I'm already falling in love with him. I haven't felt this happy in months.

Thank you,  j-nil, for helping me and my future mate  bladehakasha from beyond the grave. If not for him, we would never have met or realized how much we have in common or how perfect for each other we really are. It's a shame he took his own life, but considering how it's helped Blade to find me by random coincidence, it makes you wonder if it was almost a blessing in disguise for the two of us. Honestly I doubt that, but hey, seems like we've both found someone we really want to be with and that's what counts. <3

Know what, I've seen enough people posting these that I'm getting in on the act as well. So let's see which ones I fit.

* You show people where you're from by pointing to a spot on the back of your left hand. (Especially useful if you're from the Thumb or the Little Finger.)
It helps being from Southeastern Michigan.

* You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by.
Nope, never seen it done either.

* Your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.
It probably is, actually.

* You know that UP is a place, not a direction.
Yes, I do. Most may not get it, though.

* You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
If you get what we're referring to by "thumb" here.

* The only place in the world can you experience all four seasons in one day.
Yes, though it's not all the time.

* Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.
I know what it is, but I don't like it.

* You know what a 'party store' is.
Yes I do, I could walk to one.

* You've never met any celebrities.
Well, I've met Neil Cicierega and They Might Be Giants, so I have met celebrities.

* "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.
My family HAS no vacations outside the state, not since maybe 2006.

* At least one member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan / Michigan State game.
Nope, none of us went to either school.

* Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.
Too true most places.

* Half the change in your pocket is Canadian....eh?
Nope, haven't been to Canada in a long enough time to have change from there left.

* You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.
Can't drive yet.

* You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
I know the way to say it, but no clue how to play it.

* It's easy to get Vernor's ginger ale, Better Made chips, Sanders hot fudge sauce, and Faygo pop.
Not sure where Better Made chips are, but I've seen Vernor's, Sanders, and Faygo plenty of times.

* You know how to pronounce "Mackinac."
Yes I do, but never been there.

* You've had to switch on the heat and the air conditioning in the same day.
My house hasn't had central air for years.

* You bake with SODA and drink POP.
Get it right, it's pop, not soda :c

* The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.
What is this movie? I've never heard of it.

* Your little league game was snowed out.
Never played little league baseball. However I work it as an umpire and never had snow during a game.

* The word "thumb" has geographical rather than anatomical significance.
Yes it does, though I'm south of it.

* Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.
Nope, never been to western Michigan actually.

* You measure distance in minutes.
Oh god yes, I do this ALL the time.

* When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."
I have referred to it, but don't normally give directions to people.

* You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but is only 100 miles fom Hell.
I knew both cities existed, didn't know they were near each other however.

* Your year has two seasons: Winter and Construction.
Dude, way too true.

* Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.
I can't say I know, I don't shop.

* You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.
I... have no idea what that smells like. I can tell it's rained from the street being wet, though.

* When owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown.
It isn't, but I see where they're coming from.

* You believe that "down south" means Toledo.
Not really, actually live close to there.

* Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack and a bucket of smelt.
I don't drink and have no clue what the hell a "smelt" is.

* You know that Big Mac is something that you drive over.
Yes, I know what it is.

* You can see a car running in a parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
I'm sure I have at LEAST once, because it sounds likely.

* You end your sentences with a preposition; example: "Where's my coat at?"
Guilty as charged, I've done it plenty of times.

* All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
I can't say I know, but the one I'm aware of is the "Brown Trout Festival" up in Alpena. :x

* You think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, BBQ sauce, and beer.
Nope, I hate BBQ sauce and beer, not a fan of beef, and not a fan of pork.

* You carry jumper cables and snow chains in your trunk.
Don't have a car.

* You design your kids' Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Nope, I don't make my costumes (and it's never snowed on Halloween).

* Driving in the winter is better because the pot-holes are filled with snow.
I haven't tried it.

* Your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the opening of Deer Season, which you consider a National Holiday.
I don't hunt, so no.

* You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
Eh, what? I don't know what it is so definitely not.

* You learned to drive a boat before you could ride a bike.
Honestly I think I did, because I got my boating license at age 14 (never used it) and then finally figured out a bike soon after.

* You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
Don't have either one.

* Your snowblower has more miles on it than your car.
Nope, we never use it.

* Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
Yes it does, you have to try it to understand it.

* You’ve ever used the word “bogue.”
The hell is a bogue? I've never heard anybody use it.

* The "Big Three" means either Ford, Chrysler and GM, or Little Caesar's, Domino's, or Hungry Howie's.
Yes indeed, and Hungry Howie's is the best from those three.

* You think alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.
Heh, I get the joke but never came to mind.

* Your definition of a small Michigan town is one that doesn't have a lake.
My town has no lake, so maybe.

* You define summer as three months of bad sledding.
If I ever went sledding maybe.

* You attend a formal event in your best clothing, finest jewelry, and snowmobile boots.
I don't have snowmobile boots or attend formal stuff.

* The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
We probably haven't done that.

* You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.
Nope, only got sunburned once in the summer (about a month ago, too) and never had frostbite.

* The orange barrel is considered Michigan's 'other' lighthouse.
You know it, see those things all over.

It's a weird feeling, I don't know what to do about it, but I've been wanting to just express it and get it out in the open. For people who read the last journal about Angel, you already know the deal with that. Those who don't, just go ahead and read it I guess. But yeah, the news of that was 2 months ago and it's now been 5 months since her untimely suicide. At first I said I didn't care, that I had no interest in her anymore, that she wasn't a friend so it didn't matter to me. However over time now, I've realized I was fooling myself.

It's too late now, obviously, but I do feel like I miss her after all. Occasionally I think about her when I got nothing else going on, and just kind of say to myself "it's too bad she's gone." Really I didn't care about her anymore those last 5 months, because she had been so cold towards me and treated my friends badly. Though it's hard not to miss her I guess, or to continue caring deep down. She was one of my best friends for years until betraying my trust, and we dated, and I did love her for a time. So considering the feelings we had for each other, it's hard to just say after the person dies "I don't give a shit."

I already have moved on and everything, it doesn't make me feel emotional to think about, but it still comes to mind on occasion how weird it is she's not around. There's not a lot I can do about it, though. It's just a tough thing having someone you were close with for years die suddenly and not know about it for a few months. Anyway, I just wanted to get this out of my system, let it out and maybe get over it. She was a great person (for most of the time I knew her) and I said all along from the moment I met her she didn't deserve any of the shit she had to deal with. That's all I got to say about this, so maybe I'll quit worrying so much about it.

I've decided I'm going to create a game based on the story (very loosely, I might add) using RPG Maker 2K3. I just kept thinking about game ideas lately based on my RP characters, and then the idea of doing a game based on this story came up and just sounded too good. Don't expect it to be amazing though, because I'm not a game maker and I've never done this before. So if you want to help with the game at all, please don't hesitate to offer your services.

Basically the game will have a similar plot, but it's skipping over the romance part for the most part. It'll have plenty of characters of mine and  theveiledwarlock's characters because he's the co-author on the story. If you're excited about this, that's great, but don't get discouraged if I don't end up finishing this game or take forever. Like I said, it's my first time making an RPG or any game, so I'm doing this for fun. Hopefully it turns out alright and I'll try to get a link posted whenever it's finished.

So yeah, emotional journal for me to just spill my thoughts on it and hopefully move on faster. I got word last night from  goldenkirbichu that Angel, my ex-girlfriend from April 2008 to December 2008, committed suicide back on January 29th. We hadn't seen her since then, after she threatened to buy a webcam to kill herself in front of him. Instead she seems to have done that, except for a different friend of hers. The guy hasn't been the same ever since according to his friend Roger knows. She slit her throat after apologizing to Roger on camera, as a sort of closure I guess for how things transpired during the last 4-5 months we knew her.

I met her back in 2005 through my real life best friend Josh who was dating her at the time. They broke up some time later, but I had gotten to meet her and talk to her myself like my other friends. From the moment we met I thought she was really nice and friendly, easy to get along with, and someone I generally liked. We became good friends over time, like whenever she was feeling down I'd try to help her (which was very often). Then in April of 08, I finally asked her out because she'd helped me and Roger out of a jam in November 2007. A day later she accepted, and away it went. Things were great between us for that year, as we grew closer. Then it all came to a screeching halt.

I told Roger about still having sexual interest in him, which Angel got word of and overreacted about by breaking up with me a couple weeks later citing a different reason. It would be 9 months of awkwardness between us until I finally heard from Roger the truth, which I believe I've already done a journal about before so it doesn't need repeating. Ever since September 09, I've tried to not care about her at all since she betrayed me. January 29th she complained at me for "spreading lies" about her to "it" (Roger) and I argued I hadn't done anything of the sort. Apparently he was trying to say she was lonely as a reason for complaining to me all the time. I didn't get to properly say good bye that night, as it fell to silence until she signed off. I've said for the past 2 months she probably did kill herself like she said she would, and I was right.

My final thoughts are this. I'm thankful I had the chance to meet her, she was a nice person and genuinely great for years. I wish she would've been more honest and had allowed me to help her more than she did, because it was hard to sit there and listen to her stories (fake or not) about her life and not be able to help. I said it since day 1 and even after I stopped being her friend, I will still hold true to my belief, that she never deserved any of the shit she went through. Her horrible families, her hardships in real life, hardships online, all of it was too much for one person. She'll be missed by some of us, regardless of how terrible she was the final months of her life. So in closing, good bye to you, old friend, and RIP. I'm sorry that it ended like this for you and for all of us, but now you won't have to suffer ever again.

I noticed it but didn't make a comment about it until just now, when I've stopped being lazy (and feel I need to update). But yes, it appears I've somehow reached 1,000 pageviews. I don't know if it counts the times I check my own page, but hey, I'm still impressed. I don't have a ton of friends and I don't say a lot, and none of the art is even mine (it's just drawn for me based on my RP characters). The story I'm writing IS still in progress, I'm just lazy and dealing with writer's block, so it's not dead by any means.

Anyway, thanks to all the people who actually watch and like me and for checking out my page so many times. I honestly don't know how I got to 1000 views but it's a milestone I should be proud of when I don't have a ton of content. I don't even know who will read or comment on this, but hey, it's nice if anybody cares about me and does read these things. I'll try to get more stuff posted eventually for those who do watch me and want to see more content already.