I created a Youtube channel to document the building of my first engine, It's a car based channel. Building and wrenching on things is my true forte. Come help me grow this thing so I can put out more content and maybe actually get somewhere in life for once. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ....._as=subscriber

So, i finally passed 1000 Followers here. Woot! I guess. Honestly I'd hoped for this years ago and tried to make it happen by picking up art and interacting with others. I was so fired up when I first started out drawing. This was something I could do! Even though looking back at some of my stuff from early on is embarrassing.

Sadly my art just never seemed good enough. it was obviously not great and I guess I made some improvement over time, but the support was just not there like it seemed to be for others, I tried to be more intrinsically motivated but I just couldn't maintain it, i'd put so many hours into things then post them for the world to see and it was just like it barely registered . So, at some I lost my spirit, the fire is embers now, it's still there just not so strongly I draw once in a while now.

I guess the extended time it took to reach and the fact that I passed this point long ago on twitter lessened the special-ness of it, a lot. I think I planned to do something for it like a kiriban or something but I don't remember or feel like it now.

Anyways, here I am . Hooray.

Then please Consider donating to my cause to get a Trans girl out of an unaccepting and potentially violent Household. https://www.gofundme.com/help-trans....._co_campmgmt_w

I've posted about this before but I think I didn't explain it too well-

Recently my mate's living conditions have taken a turn for the worse, as she has unwilling been forced to come out as "trans" to her parents. This in turn has led to threats of physical violence against her, as well as threats of potential homelessness and of being disowned by her parents.

The whole thing has been sort of placed on the back-burner in the last couple months by her parents, (In a sort of -we we don't want to talk about this and if so muxh as a peep of it ever again you're gone- sort of way)so it's still simmering and we don't know when things will ignite again and she will be out on the street.

The money donated here money will be used to help secure an apartment for us two, including at least the bare minimum in furniture (i.e Bed, fridge, and kitchen table) and the Security deposit that comes with leasing an apartment.

We both have jobs and were already planning to make this move in the coming months. However, the recent threats to my mate's stability and safety has pushed up our timeline significantly, hopefully we can be out on our own within the next 2 months at max.

If you can, you may donate to our GoFundMe Campaign here- https://www.gofundme.com/help-trans....._co_campmgmt_w

or directly to my paypal at this address- prodigious9.ds[at]gmail.com

Supporting this GoFundMe will mean two young adults will finally have the freedom to live without our families dictating or influencing our actions and choices.

I set the target at $3000, but if we don't make it all the way there, any amount puts us that much closer to being safe and sound in our own place. Please help if you can, if not monetarily, then feel free to share our story on your social media platforms to spread the word. Thank you so much for your help.

Sorry I haven't been posting any new artwork. I'm unfocused. I want to bit I can't focus on drawing for more than an hour.

Hi dA followers, please help me raise money to move into our own apartment with my mate. her living conditions have become rather strained since she accidentally came out to her parents as trans. We were hoping to move out later in the year when we saved up, but with the situation as it is now, the sooner we can go, the better. More details in the GFM link.
https://www.gofundme.com/help-us-pa.....p-and-move-out

It's time for my mate and I to move out on our own, recently some incidences between her and her family have put her into a situation where her living space and safety is at risk, and it is time for us to pack up and get into our own place there are more details here-

https://www.gofundme.com/help-us-pa.....p-and-move-out

Please share this as much as you can, even if you can't donate you can help by getting this to as many people as possible.

Called the Wacom Support number and it turns out that the newest drivers aren't compatible with my tablet. So it was just a matter of going back to an older driver.

Welp, tried to use my Tablet yester day get some arting done, and the darned thing won't work. I'm not sure what the problem is. It turns on and the 4 button on it will work and it will detect "swipe" motions from my hand but I can't move the cursor with touch or pen. Although the LED does change color when I touch it or try to use the pen.
I've tried reinstalling the driver a dozen times, nothing has worked so far. Gonna try contacting Wacom Support Monday.

It owuld seem that no one has ever done a list of things that FOY water will or won't do in general. So I, along with the help of some other regression fan came up with a few things the could perhaps be standard when dealing with FOY water. They are posted here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/.....it?usp=sharing

I don't think I say it enough to those of you who come out and support an encourage me. Thank you for hanging around. Sorry for being pretty much completely broken for the last year or so. I took a few emotional body-slams trying to find friendship, companionship and just generally where I fit in- in this niche and it shattered my will to really do much at all. I'm drawing again, I'm still not as fast or as good as I'd like to b, but at least my pen is moving.

As long as there is more to be had- I am Not satisfied with less. Yes, having more is better, but even as I get more I will still want more and refuse to settle for less. I know I can never have all but as long as I'm progressing forward, I'm happy, just not satisfied.

It seems I've gotten to a point where I don't know what to do anymore. I pick up my pen draw a little and put it down, because whatever I'm drawing just makes me feel bad to look at. It's a deep guttural feeling of inadequacy. I don't know where to go from here. How to make myself feel like i did before where I feeling lost when I /wasn't/ drawing.

I attempted to add my External HDD to my new PC as an Internal drive. Not knowing that I'd have to initialize the drive, and that initializing would soft-format it basically Erasing the HDD's filing structure. So the HDD now thinks it is a new blank disc. The problem with that is all of my art, art, programs, collections, and games were on it. So I'm Out of Commission on most things until I get that data rescued. Which will be at leas $160. $99 for the software to grab the data and $59 for another HDD to hold the rescued data as its not a great Idea to write to the same HDD that you're reading from.

*Sigh* the One day of the year that everyone gets to feel like their own little holiday, and mine turned out to be nothing special, again. Didn't really have high expectations since it's already been a trend for years now, so not really too disappointed. but there's always the hope that maybe this year will be better.

Today is my birfday yay

Please help make it wesome by donating a few bucks to me on Paypal If you can and will (dariuss_08@yahoo.com). I need to get a GPU for my Computer so I can play games

Hi Guys. I'm back from my extended -mostly-offline because of no internet -break. Gonna see if I can hop back on this drawing trai. i've been trying while I was offline but I'm mostly in a slump. I could really use some people in my corner to encourage me and push me. It'd really help lots, I think. Just having people Encourage, and urge me on, makes me feel warm and fuzzy and motivated.

I've gone a bit dark over here. We just moved into a new house and have been doing some fixer-upping. Also we haven't gotten internet yet due to money flow being turbulent at the moment due all the fresh bills. That on top of my normal slow pace... And well. Anywho I'll be back soon.

I'm looking for feedback. What would you like to see more of? Less of? What will it take to help you enjoy what I draw more so I can enjoy drawing it? I'm struggling to keep going because it feels like an exercise in futility if no one even enjoys what I do. I do hope to take commissions again sometime, but my confidence is shot. Who am I going to sell to with no audience?

Car battery completely died, unsaveable. Between pay checks
Selling some ABU Space diapers and Little Paws for $30 a bag s\h included in the $30
Medium size

There's a new up and coming site for furries, called Ferzu, it terms itself a a furry social/ dating site and I find it pretty neat myself.
Check it out- https://ferzu.com/go/r/59f427

Now before you go ahead and dismiss, give it a try, everyone seems to immediately want to turn away just because it say "dating"but that's not all it has. And if you use my link to sign up I get a little reward, so if nothing else you'll be helping me out.

Also so you can reserve your username ;p

...The velvety pipes of Jerry Vole.

I feel frustrated about not being able to focus more time on actually drawing things nowadays. Everytime I pick up my pen I can only complete a few lines before losing focus. This sucks, I want to draw but there is something wrong with the drawy part of my brain or something, maybe it's tired. I just can't seem to muster up the motivation to continue a pic like I used to. I don't know how I can want to draw to the point of frustration, but not have the willpower at the same time

I'm not sure if anyone has really noticed, that I haven't post any art in a few months. It's because I haven't been feeling he itch to draw lately. The majority of all my art never seemed to be good enough or have that extra whater and it's begun to feel futile, to attempt to express myself through this form. I've been in slumps before but never any this deep. I don't know if I'll be able to climb out, I may still scribble around on my tablet from time to time but as of now, nothing is really happening. I feel like I failed my younger self who started out with this willing to do whatever it took to improve and grow and make myself into something that people would see as at least somewhat successful,but I guess now isn't my time.

I woke up with this on my mind this morning for some reason, and it's true. I've never had an honest to goodness Birthday party, surprise or otherwise, never got taken to Pizza-Hut or Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate the day /I/ was born. Never had a birthday cake that said "Happy Birthday (Name) with candles to blow out. Maybe it has something to do with my birthday being the day after Christmas, but even people who are born on odd days or who's birthdays fall on day when it's rainy or cold tend to get a day in the future set aside to celebrate.

It's one of the dozens of little things that come together to make me feel like a lesser person than other people, like always getting picked last for team sports and or being mid-sentence and it's like you weren't speaking at all because someone else just starts talking like what you were saying didn't matter at all.

I know you guys can't do anything about it but I think everyone but me has had at least on birthday party, that single day out of the 365 in a year to be made to feel special and loved like the day is all for you, but I've never felt that way even when I was younger.

Of course it one of things that when you complain about it everyone figures you're just being petty or whiny, or when you have to say something about something you think people would remember it just takes all the special-ness out of it and makes it feel forced and bad. So it's just left to fester, and become another thing that adds to the slowly building negative emotional toll. It takes a small toll on self-esteem, self-confidence, motivation, all of it adds together. Why draw? It'll just end in disappointment. Why go to college? I'll still be broke. Why is that stupid sun shining so brightly? Can't it see I'm hurting inside? (of course the sun isn't sentient or all-knowing). Why bother with any of thos when in the end I still just feel like I wasted my time doing these things, only to remain unhappy
I mean sure I'm an adult now but just once in my life maybe?

Anyways this is just a little rant that was on my mind this morning. Just be aware when I come to my journal to vent and complain, it's because a thousand little needle points have gotten me to the breaking point again and I need to do something or I'll explode or something.