Things are good.

Work has taken over quite a large chunk out of my daily life.
Sleep, wake up, work. Get home, shower, sometimes eat, sleep, repeat.

Health issues, but who doesn't have em nowadays? Part of growing
up is not having your doctor's visits screened by your parents anymore
and you just live day by day hoping you don't fall apart.

I've made a lot of pretty bridges throughout the last few years...
But it seems many of them aren't crossed much anymore.

I try not to be a recluse, and I try my hardest to reach out to
everyone I talk to whenever I can even talking to many people
many times throughout the days so I feel like I'm doing much better!

I guess it makes it hurt even more when those people just stop
talking to me without warning.

Uhm... art is going by slowly. I'm surprised I can find the time for
it anymore nowadays. I apologize to those who've been eager to see
more and haven't had anything delivered. It's a hobby I care about
that I want to work more towards.

To those who still watch hopeful for more, I won't give up hope and
I'll continue to draw for myself and for you. To those who I've upset
with my absence, I'm sorry.

All I can do is learn from these mistakes and do better.

At least I hope.

Thank you.

Sometimes I can't help everyone until I help myself. I've been drowning recently, but I can hold my breath very well. Going on ten years strong so far without surfacing.

I catch glympses of rays of sunshine breaking through the depths. They bring me hope as my eyes follow them up to the surface, only to slowly see them dissapate.

I've been swimming for a long time. No sign of breaching the waves yet. It's eerily calm and stressful. The pressure builds and builds, threatening to kill me in a single instant, but my heart is too strong. It will never cave in.

Hope fills my lungs, keeping that breath going, but doubt is weighing me down. Uncertainty is clouding my eyes, and the weight of the world feels like it bears down on me.

"Don't be stupid. This is a petty qualm!"

"But, I want to help."

"You can't! You're drowning!"

"I can keep going. I have to keep going. For them. They need me."

"That's what you said with the last one! And the one before that and the one before that. They all need you! When will it stop?"

"It won't ever stop. This is what I need to do. This is all I can do."

"Another anchor to tie around your feet. Think you can scrape the rust from this one? Make it all shiny and new? Polish it up and give it attention that nobody else gives it? The attention it deserves?"

"If I don't... then no-"

"If you don't then nobody will. That's not true and you know it. If they constantly seek your attention, when will it stop? How many anchors do you have? More than you'd be willing to admit, I bet?"

"I can carry them. I can carry them all."

"And look where it's gotten you. No closer to the surface. They're drowning. You're drowning. You're only hurting yourself. You tried to help them, but you need to continue. If they can't fix themselves, then how do you plan to fix yourself when you're being dragged down like this?"

It was at that moment that I realize that I had nothing else to say. Reality closed in, caving in my lungs, defeating the hope that had filled it for years and years.

A loose knot was released and a weight was removed. Staring longingly at it, the polish and the gleem, the attention I gave it and the attention I couldn't, all dropped in a single instant. It was heavy as my regret followed along.

I turn to swim some more. I'm making progress, but my lungs are deflating. My conscience is the only friend that truly understands the deepest parts of my mind. Others can peer into the glass walls that I've erected for them, but only my conscience has experienced the truth.

I can't keep going like this. My body is tired. I struggle each day with issues others would deem petty. I can't complain because I'm constantly told that I'm in a better position.

I can't talk because I've been holding my breath, clinging to the hope filling my lungs. Even it is slowly dying. Doubt and pressure surrounding my very body as I struggle to keep it together.

Can I hold out?

I can... I just have to keep swimming.

Welp, it's that time again.

Don't worry! I am very well alive and kicking (but my knee hurts. I'm getting old.)

Still with my job, still making money to pay the bills, drawing and chatting and pffbt..

I've noticed that my want to draw is strangely dissapearing. I'm not sure why.

I'm getting work done! But.. I think I need to breathe new life into my art. I think
I feel that it's turning out to be bland to me. Then again that could just be me.

I'm sure it's me.

It's me right?

Anywhoms

Uhh... working and arting! I've got the next picture ready to post soon. Then one
of my friends suggested a sketch dump. I could do that...

But I'm so fscking self-conscious about my sketch work.


...
Eh

I shouldn't be. Right?

Oh, Uh, I'm getting used to live streaming for friends, sooooo uh... I'm gonna
start doing it a lot more often. So I do hope people are ready!!

You're not ready! For hours of GUT WRENCHING ENTERTAINMENT!

... it's literally me just shaking a cursor on a screen and making things happen.
I'm sure you've seen it before. It's quite popular.

ANYMAY! I'm going to get some sleep. Then I'm going to shift through art
this week and see what I'm going to randomly post.

Keep an eye out!! Thank you all!

Go pay her some love! She's got a bunch of money she needs to save up and she needs your help to do it!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4826383/

What she can do with a dremel and glass is pretty amazing!

Go! Go Go Go!


...

Oh also I'm finally able to LiveStream effectively now. I've been
practicing setting things up and trying it out with some friends.
I'm feeling more and more comfortable with the process so I
believe I'm going to start doing it more often.

Yay? Nay?

So it would seem I have emerged somewhat victorious!

Somewhat as the keyword. I managed to save a good 90% of the PDF files that were lost.
Others were not so lucky as they were either randomly deleted, completely corrupted, or
changed to other file types that my computer simply can't read, but in a wierd way. Some were
changed to simple PNG files and some were still kept as PSD files, but the computer, when asked
to open them, would simply go "No."

Well okay computer. Also a merry fuck you!

Anyway, this will go to show me to keep backups of backups now. It's funny how constant migrations
of computers, laptops and other storage media will suddenly make me forget to keep them updated.

Anywho, thank you for your support. I'm going to be throwing a lot more artwork here very soon
so I might just do the first bulk upload I've done in... ... well never, I think.

Anyway, take care everyone! And thanks again!

I'm posting this not because I expect well-wishes and presents, but
only because I know people who will be mad at me if I don't say anything.

So I'm saying something! My birthday was on the 14th of July, I just have not had
time to post anything until now after getting home at "The-sun-is-outside-o'clock".

My apologies that I didn't get a post sooner. Getting a lot done with current
commissions. Gonna get some more work done on them. Taking longer than
expected. I blame my inability to appropriately manage my time lately.

There's no try, there's only do.

Anyway, hope to have stuff posted soon!






~

I'm hoping these posts don't become too common, though it would seem at this rate, I might be posting a few every so often, but at least I can, right?

Work is still kicking my ascot. It's even worse when you're doing the
work of several other call-centers to cover a network of nearly 10k+
associates and doctors. For those of you curious still, I work as an IT
support specialist for Advocate Health Care. I'm not complaining...
too much... about my job. It's a job, and I'm supremely thankful for
the opportunity and job security right now, though it would seem like
we're being taken advantage of from other call centers that close at
certain hours, don't work weekends and holidays, where in turn, that
sticks us with the responsibility of working weekends -and- holidays
-and- being open 24/7 when it never was to begin with.

All whining aside, to which I will admit I do a little bit of, though we're
all entitled, I do have a lot on my plate at the moment with work and
family issues. I wish I could talk about them, but it's more or less
something to be discussed in private with friends I trust. If you wish to
know more about it, feel free to hit me up with a note or (try) to catch
me online.

Thank you for the well wishes and concerns, I do appreciate every kind
word offered my way, and I hope to get more time to draw and give back
to the community.

Thank you all, sincerely, and I hope to get back in the swing of things soon!



Just wished to let everyone know I'm still alive and
doing well. I have a new job working as an IT specialist for
Advocate Health Care. It's very nice. Friendly staff. A tad bit
stressful but just as long as I learn more and more about the
job every day, it gets easier to tolerate.

I'm getting art done at a much quicker pace. I think it's helping
that I'm setting a schedule for myself and working out. It seems
I'm gaining more energy and more time to set aside for my hobby.
Heavens knows I need to start posting more!

I had quite a number of journals I skimmed through and noticed
that a lot of people have been having their characters and artwork
stolen. I don't lurk enough, but if any of you find any copycats or
art thieves, would you kindly let me know and I'll do the same for
ya if I ever find anything? Much appreciated!

Anyway, hope to be posting soon, and I thank you all for your
comments, watches and continued patronage!


Of all time.

Inquiry: If I did, would you watch?

[] Yes [] No [] wut [] Pron, you say?

Opinions?

Tagged by  nightwind005 and  crazy-go-lucky

The Rules:
- You must post these rules.
- Each tagged person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
- You have to choose and tag 10 people and post their icons on the same journal.
- Go to their pages and tell them you tagged them!


1. I never know how to start these bloody things.

2. I'm naturally dexterous and have been able to learn Blue belt weapon katas at a Yellow belt level.

3. Some of my favorite games are RPGs, FPSs and Action games. Something that really tests my skill and dexterity.

4. I am deathly afraid of spiders... but for some reason I can approach one close enough to kill it if I need to.

5. I love comedies, action movies, and sci-fi movies. Favorite being the original Star Wars trilogy.

6. I'm a Monster Hunter addict. Been since the days of MH1 for the PS2, even before when it was simply a myth here in the states.

7. I have several scars on my hands, many are unknown as to the reason why I have them. Impressed yet?

8. I'm a cuddleslut, but I will never admit to it. I love holding people in my arms. Making them feel safe and protected.

9. I'm a gamer and a tech whore. I don't need to have the biggest and best of everything, however. My humble nature is reflected in the things I buy actually.

10. I still feel like the valorous knight who thinks that chivarly isn't dead, I'm just the only one who believes in it anymore... also I have a lance... and a jetpack.


I'm very horrible at this sort of thing. I never believe anything about me is worth mentioning.

Also, this meme dies here with me. *honorable sepukku*

He's aspiring to draw... more like I'm pushing him to draw more
because he has talent and I hate to see it go to waste.

That's him..

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2226029/ That's his info...

GO VISIT HIM and order a commission. You'll see my artstyle imprinted in
his style a bit, mainly because he forces me to draw his pictures for him. <3

I'm kidding of course... somewhat. ... not really-kinda..

But that's beside the point! I'm teaching
and tutoring him and he could use the money bein in college and such.

Plus I bought him a tablet so his artwork should be ossum.

So yeah, he's poor, buy some shit from him!

...

\o/

I don't do this often, but  orange04 makes a spectacular point about "popular artists" in this journal..

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:16984518

I sincerely hope you give it a read. Thank you.

*falls asleep*

... yep! Roof almost collapsed.
I was at work and after about 3 hours our supervisor came in with
two security guards and said-

"We need to evacuate the building and relocate. The sky is falling."

The excess snow atop the building was starting to cave in the
roof and causing it to buckle at certain spots. One point was mere feet
away from our little IT corner. We were forced to evacuate and relocate
into a more cramped computer lab in another location.

Best part? I'm basically fully trained under the password reset queue as per the
temp job I did with Advocate a month ago. The calls we get can be routed to go
to either the Support queue which handles all support (duh) calls,
and then there's the password reset queue, which handles password
resets, of course, but while we were at the secondary location, they didn't
have the ability to route calls, so every call was a support call, and without
proper or prior training, I was shoved into the support queue and taking support calls.

Oh it was a grand experience. I had help but still, no prior
experience, no schooling, no training and no expectation
and suddenly..

BAM!

..support queue.

I managed to survive... so now I need two shirts. "I drove in and survived
the blizzard of 2011." and "I survived the support queue."

Another note, THUNDERSNOW is fscking awesome and
should always be said in caps and in your
best movie-phone-guy trailer voice.

By the way, yes, I was driving in the morning on Wednesday in the
bulk of the blizzard just to get to work. To all of you saying
"I survived the blizzard of 2011." and all
you did was stay at home... *death glare*

Fun times though, I woke up on Wednesday to clean the 3 feet of snow off
my car and my windshield wiper on the driver side broke off, ended up
trying to keep it on my windshield with zip ties. On my way to work my
muffler cracked in half from hitting so many snow drifts. Two notes, it
was old, already had a patch over it and that patch was ripped right
off. Almost got hit 4 times, twice by plows, but I made it
safely to work where out of 8 people who usually show up, was
only me and 3 others. Out of the 5, 4 who couldn't make it, 3 lived
close-by where I am, and ALL of them have 4 wheel drive SUVs... me?

95' Pontiac P.O.S. with 2 wheel drive and only 3 snow tires.

... \o/ ...

Take that THUNDERSNOW.

Also the funniest thing that happened on that day? I was driving through the
blinding wind and snow, I saw a snow plow stuck in a snow drift, being
unburied by a bobcat, who was also stuck, who needed help by a third
bobcat who almost got stuck... meanwhile me in my Pontiac P.O.S. just
cruuuuisin on by, laughin my ass off. Then I almost got stuck..

..Thanks Karma, you're supposed to be on my side. *angry face*

Anyway, because we braved the storm, we at the office (who were able to make it)
were dubbed honorary Stormtroopers lul.

... anyway, shit it's been a crazy week. I might've missed something, I dunno
I'm tired as fsck and I need sleep.

Back to arting tomorrow! *collapses*

I promise to make this one quick!

Things have been busy lately with my new job. I've been working for
Advocate Health Center as an IT Specialist for a while and it's
gotten me working a lot.

Waking up at 6 to work and come home at 6 is quite the lifefstyle
change no matter how you look at it. Wonderful job though, everyone
there is awesome and despite me not having previous training, I picked
up on the system and was taking calls within 3 days, and doing them on
my own on the 4th.

All and all it's been a fun run so far, though this will end in two more weeks.
Temp jobs suck like that especially when you've grown so attatched to them
in such a short amount of time. Who knows, with the great impression I'm
leaving them, I'm bound to get a call back someday, as I was informed.

Also, I come back to notice my journal tab has exploded with recent rants
about a latest hack attempt. I don't frequent the forums (or at least I should)
so I don't know much about what happened other than "Someone hacked FA
and deleted galleries and made notes public". Is that the extent of the damage
and if so, how would you know if you were one of the ones hit?

Eh, I like hearing this news from friends, rather than a busy forum.

Anyway, I'm slowly getting to commissions. To those of you still on my list, I deeply apologize for the wait and assure you I haven't forgotten about you
guys and I tend to get down to them and finish them as soon as possible without
rushing through them.

Thank you for the recent watchers and favorites too! I can't stress how awesome
you guys have been with me.

... also in lieu of the promise I made about this journal being short... d'oh.

Anyway, take care everyone and I hope to have new arts posted soon!!

I have much to be thankful for and it shows with
a patient and caring heart. I don't have to go to church to
go to heaven, because I make sure that I give my friends
and family the love and respect they need. I'm kind to my
fellow man, I turn my other cheek, I respect my neighbor
even if he doesn't talk to me. I respect my peers and I live a life of humility.

I don't yell, I don't scream, I'm not a racist bigot. I don't
do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm quiet and well
behaved. I'll never kill in cold blood, I'll never be a gangster.
I'm kind and reserved, sometimes I'm a bit of a prude...
but you know what?

That's who I am. ... and I did it all without the direction of a father...

... it's all I ever really wanted, anyway.

It's better to be yourself and loose your audience, than loose yourself and gain an audience.

I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of my accomplishments
and my skill. I'm not proud of my condition, or my situation
right now of being jobless... but does that give someone the
right to talk down to me? To call me ungrateful? To say hateful
words when they have never taken the time to learn anything about me?

How do you work up the nerve to think you're better than
someone because of the title you hold or the things you do?
A janitor's job is no less important than than a doctor's role
in society. We all function as cogs that turn the giant mechanism
of responsibility et cetera.

... anyway, it's been a stressful few weeks (obvious, right?).
I ran a 9 mile race last Saturday and my legs are starting to
feel better. First race I've ever participated in. Never ran so
far in my life at once before. Finished even though I was one
of the last few out of 15k people (But I still beat 40 others) but
it's not about who gets 1st or last... it's just about finishing what you start.

I've realized that working at home doesn't make for prime
working conditions anymore. Commissions are coming at a
slower rate and time to work on them even less so, but good news is around the horizon.

I'm getting a job working with Advocate Health Care. It's a paid
internship position for about a month. $15 an hour and I'll be
trained to work. Even if it's temporary, it'll be a good spot on
my resume, good job training and some cash in my pocket that I desperately need.

I've decided to pursue a future job in Game Art and Design/Graphic Design, SOMETHING that has to do with designing, so I'll be
attending the Illinois Institute of Art fairly soon to get that started.

I apologize for my silence lately, though honestly I should just stop apologizing and just keep arting, right?
Haaah. It's one of the few things that makes me feel better about myself.

Thank you all for your continued support.
You have no idea how truly grateful I am.
I'll shower all of you in presents one day. Trust me.

~~

-TL:DR Version-
Stuff happened. Fan + Shit = Ffffffu. Get me off your goddamn shoe.

I'm tired of it. Trying to get my life back together. I've got a job.

Suddenly realization; Thousands of them.

Thank you for all of your love and support. I'm truly grateful.

Ya'll might get shit. Hugs and kisses fgts.

Smiley faec <3

I can't distinguish the cognition amidst the facial bedecking and lyrical exhortation.

Is it viable that the consanguinity amid the aberrant yet statuesque colloquy and the contingent
pigment overlay adorning their epidermis speaks about their hyperbole on
everything they discern and comprehend encompassing them?

Or is this but a repartee?

...
Please. SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!

I've reduced the number of commissions I'm going to take at a time.

I've also added a Trades and Requests tab under the commissions. I will be posting journals periodically to fill these lists.

As for now, they will all remain closed until I can clean them up and get down to backlogged and owed pieces that are currently
on the list.

If you want to make it on the Trades and/or Requests list, you can't just butter up to me and expect you to fall into the slot. They're
earned by talking to me, spending some time to get to know me...

overall just being an awesome friend and knowing how I work! \o/


Sometimes I will do nice things for random people! Though remember...

IF IT IS A GIFT. BE THANKFUL AND DON'T COMPLAIN!

IF IT IS A REQUEST, THE SAME APPLIES!

ABOVE ALL, COMMISSIONS TAKE FIRST PRIORITY!

Pay attention regularly to see if I open up slots! My prices are listed on the link on the front of my page in **bright, obnoxious yellow letters**. You cannot miss it. >:r




...

...or for those of you who don't want to click back...


PRICES---> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1528715/ <---PRICES


Anyway, keep an eye out, and thank you all for your patronage and continued stalking!