So life has continued on and I continue to move forwards. Yay!! Now that I've rehashed the title *spanks self* "Bad kitty"....things are going pretty good.

My work situation is still kind of terrible, I have a good paying job but it's slowly eating the rest of my life with stress. Would have never believed I'd be working at a job that is more stressful than a divorce where the spouse is bitterly opposed, and unfortunately just plain bitter. But the job actually made that stress pale in comparison.

Still, I've been out from under my rock for a good long time now. I'm not the type to give up and I paid off my debts from divorce (amounted to around 20k my divorce cost me in fees, stuff I paid out of good will and clean conscience, etc) and stuff from the divorce with mindless amounts of overtime for like a year. While going to college no less. That was done at February of this year. Since then I've actually had time to think and begin healing. Slowly got myself back into good shape and grabbed a few outside of work friends again. It was a hard road because I was sad for a good while and between that and the work stress I really didn't want to do anything productive for a long time. It was a constant battle.

But I stand on the other side of it all now, smarter and opening a new chapter in my life. One filled with an unknown future, hope, friends, a shiny new CPAP machine (god it helps alot, there is a big difference between 2 hours or less REM sleep a night and 4-6 :P), all the neighbors dogs to play with (better than owning my own haha!!), and school hopefully nearly done.

Stranger than anything else is, I honestly just feel sexy, confident, and worth it. That's not a feeling I'm accustomed to. I've actually turned down a couple girls at this point confidently, but gently. There future is going to be an odd and strange place, but one I cannot wait to explore. My name is Ralathar Renares and it's time to get the party known as my life started :D.

My life just became 20% cooler :D.

I wrote the beginning of an old story I once started writing and then lost to a virus on my computer. Uploading it soon with the name "Of Tagget and Brinth". It's not the same as it was, it feels a little less whimsical than what I remember, but it's a story I feel like I'm meant to finish one day. Bear with me as I'm only beginning to write. If any that read this are writers feel free to give me pointers. I can always go back and clean up and flesh out later.

Nonetheless. It feels good to write again. I've only done it a few times but I've missed it.

Well, life remains interesting as always. I'm tapped out to about my limit on taking care of business between 50-60 (including Saturdays), work drama (seriously, holy shit people/management), and college. I can honestly say at this point that work has caused much more stress than my year long contested divorce.

BUT, things are still looking up. I've managed to make a really good friend last year and got to attend Furry Fiesta which I had a BLAST at with her. I'm paying my debt down extremely rapidly, school is progressing, and overall it just feels like there is PROGRESS. I also have some more potential friends in the works right now and might even have the energy to be social again. Surprisingly my apartment office staff have become friends over my years here. Friends enough to be super goofy with me haha. Heck, maybe even my guild on Guild Wars 2 will actually see me again haha.

Just can't keep a determined man down :). Besides, I can rest...later lol.

I'm feeling reflective atm, forgive me for the long stream of consciousness.

There are times in your life where you have been down for awhile, constantly stressed, etc for long periods of time. During this time you are well aware you are nowhere near your best and despite your best efforts you just cannot achieve near as much as you know that you can. Your tired, your worn, your unproductive, and you always feel as if you are failing at things. It wears on you, it get worrisome, and you add to your own stress. The more you worry and think about it the less you can accomplish. I think you can see how this descends until you finally plateau out at a workable "survival" level. That level where you take care of your basic needs of living and staying sane and not much else. A level that accomplishes little except for pass the time.

For most, this is where your friends come in. They kick cheer you up, they kick your ass, they support you, they call you out. Good friends generally try to give you what they think you NEED rather than what you want. Good friends that you know you can trust are more valuable than a job, a date, or indeed most things in this world. Make sure you appreciate them and be there for them in return.


But what of those situations that happen that remove those friends, or happen when you do not have any friends who are that good and trustworthy? Why you continue on surviving until the problems go away or until you finally get fed up and start the wheels of change. Because honestly most problems of that severity do not simply go away. Now the trickiest part of all this is typically when we are in this "survival state" we do not see the world clearly. We have our walls up, defenses deployed, and we are dug in and expecting yet another day of survival. We pass by opportunities without a thought, we are tired, it would never happen, it takes too much work, I don't have this, I can't do that. These negative and undermining thoughts undercut our efforts before they even begin.

But life moves on and so to do people. One day you find that you don't care what the obstacles are and you start trying. And it goes badly. It always does at first. This is why sometimes it takes several failed attempts to lift yourself out of a bad situation. It's like trying to run a marathon after doing nothing but being a coach potato for months. You have the will, but you have much work to do before you can achieve your goal. The important thing however is that you begin to move. Because once you commit to action you have planted the seed of an idea in your own head. Survival will no longer be acceptable, and given long enough even the most laconic person will be willing to move the very world to improve their situation.


I understand many of these things. Intimately from both first and second hand knowledge. Yet I am no less vulnerable to these types of situations. However, after a year of surviving I began to move. I started accomplishing small things, insignificant things. I built up from there and began accomplishing larger things. Impossible situations stood before me, certain failures seemed imminent. The words can't, won't, and impossible followed me like locusts. These words had basing in logic and emotion. They were also wrong.



I stand upon a precipice in my life. The next year of my life will start off my next grand adventure into the unknown, leading me away from the safe survival of the last year in which I healed from torments past. I have no clue how it will end up, if it'll go well or disastrously, if I'll make new friends or continue more or less alone as I currently am. It is unknown and the unknown is scary, intimidating, insurmountable. It makes you want to reach for the comfort and safety of things you can feel and touch. It makes you want to discount it as a possibility.

But again, a saying I heard from an anime pops into my head. I cannot seem to shake these words for they bear too much truth.

"Your ticket to the future is always blank."
"The choices we make in life have unlimited possibilities. All I can do is think about them."

-Rem (Trigun)

She said it with such a calm excitement, and I too share that excitement. I can't help but look forwards at the future and be excited by the possibilities I will make happen despite any mistakes or happenings of the past. The future may be uncertain, but I will face it with an excited smile and an overabundance of goofiness :).

*Long read* Feeling incredibly happy and badass right now. For years I've struggled in school and accomplished little of note except wasting money. I've managed to whip every other part of my life through determined effort but school has always been a hit and miss endeavor for me. It was depress, it made me feel broken. Now matter how hard I tried for some reason I could never commit to school the same way I commit to work, life, and people. It really destroyed my confidence with school, which didn't help the vicious cycle.

I've slowly been focusing more and more on it as the rest of my life has been "fixed". I've been busting hump catching up on behind school work after procrastinating due to life stresses. 4-8 hours a night after a full day of straight BS at work these days. I started looking at the path ahead and realized I might not make it, despite all my hard work I might not make my dead lines and I might have another bad semester.

My reaction to that was I didn't care at all, I wasn't sad, I wasn't depressed. I was straight up determined. This semester too late to save? Whatever, work hard and do everything possible to make next semester easy. If I need equipment I'll work hard and scrimp and save to buy it. (And ask my dad of course, he'll kill me if I keep forgetting to ask him lol).

Que the revelation. So after all this time I realized I finally have that spark towards school work. Years of failure seemingly no matter how much I wanted it, feeling depressed over it, feeling broken because of it. GONE. Like that. The linger words of the one who instilled that self defeating mentality in me in the first place? Blown away. I have complete and full confidence towards my school work now, and nothing will stop me. I can't even describe the amount of confidence I have right now, it's over 9,000 :P.

To top it all off, I stopped by school today (hybrid course, being done mostly online). I was wrong, I have more time than I thought. It just went from being hectic and close to plain easy. Freekin sweet. My exact words when the teacher told me the dates upon asking. He's seen me come and go for years, I think seeing me take care of my stuff will make him happy too. He's old and worn out, but still a teacher at heart under his cynicism it seems :P.

So ya, I feel on top of the world right now. My last remaining major obstacle in life has just been crossed.

Wow, apparently thinking in grey scale and being honest on this test makes you pretty evil. I figured I'd get gluttonous but wowee :). Heretic definitely fits me but Fraudulent, malicious, panderer, or treacherous? I have the ability to do those things but not the desire. To quote the almighty Uncle Ben "With great power comes great responsibility". (The real author of this quote was in 1832 by Francois-Marie Arouet aka Voltaire btw :P).

To go actually NERD on you, lets break out the Dumbledore!
“It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well.”

Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low Repenting Believers
Level 1 - Limbo | Low Virtuous Non-Believers
Level 2 | High Lustful
Level 3 | Moderate Gluttonous
Level 4 | Low Prodigal and Avaricious
Level 5 | Low Wrathful and Gloomy
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very High Heretics
Level 7 | Moderate Violent
Level 8 - The Malebolge | High Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers
Level 9 - Cocytus | High Treacherous

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv

Couldn't resist since I knew I'd fail this epicly :P. 26% ftw :P.
Taken from  ronsobeast

01) [ ] You own tools that you use regularly
02) [x] You carry a wallet
03) [x] You prefer movies or shows where there is more action than romance
04) [ ] You spit on the ground when not in a building.
05) [ ] You scratch where it itches when it itches
06) [x] Your idea of good footwear is boots or tough tennis.
07) [ ] Your wardrobe only changes if you gain weight or the clothes fall apart.
08) [x] You don't count calories when eating.
09) [x] You have deodorant strong enough to make you socially acceptable, but not strong enough to make you smell like it.
10) [x] You tend to wipe your hands on your clothes instead of a napkin.

Total So Far: 6

Do you love:
11) [x] Video games
12) [ ] Working on mechanical items.
13) [ ] Building things.
14) [ ] Working out on gym machines
15) [x] Getting in and out of stores as quickly as possible
16) [ ] Football
17) [ ] Baseball
18) [ ] Wrestling
19) [ ] Boxing/ MMA
20) [ ] Hunting and/or fishing

Total So Far: 8

Do you shop at:
21) [ ] Home Depot
22) [ ] Lowe's
23) [ ] Big and Tall men's stores
24) [ ] Hunting and Fishing supply shops
25) [ ] Auto supply stores or other mechanic shops
26) [ ] Hobby shops
27) [ ] Comic book stores
28) [ ] Sports supply stores
29) [x] Video game stores
30) [x] Electronic supply stores

Total So Far: 10

Do you say:
31) [ ] Son
32) [ ] I can fix it.
33) [ ] Man-up (Rarely)
34) [ ] When I was your age
35) [ ] Don't be a wuss.
36) [x] It's just a scratch
37) [ ] Take it like a man.
38) [ ] That's not how you do it. (You're doing it wrong)
39) [x] Shit
40) [X] Here's your [insert profanity and what the person just said].

Total So Far: 13

Do you read:
41) [ ] Field and Stream.
42) [ ] Bear Magazine
43) [ ] Playboy
44) [ ] Sports Illustrated
45) [ ] Pro Football Weekly
46) [ ] Comic books
47) [ ] Men's Health
48) [ ] Men's Fitness
49) [ ] Men's Journal
50) [ ] Private Media Group, Inc.

Total: 13

Multiply your total by 2 and then you have your percent: 26%

WOO!!! 26%, go me!!

Copy, paste, fill it out and tag some peeps. Im going to bed after this :P


*How old were you when you had your first relationship?
First REAL relationship? Like 23. (Hehe, shy about girls in high school)

*Are you taken/single?
Single :3.

*How old were you when you had your first kiss?
16.

*What color is your underwear?
Um I'm filling this out at home so lets just say skin tone :).

*Do you like anyone right now?
I like a few people right now.

*Miss anyone right now?
Nobody in particular. I miss having someone though.

*Who was the last person you sent a text to?
Co-worker, bleh

*Last person to text you?
Co-worker, double bleh

*Last person you saw?
Co-worker

*What was the last thing you said to someone?
Have a good one doodles. Yes I said doodles :).

*Who is top in your top friends?
Internet friends list = not worth much hehe. But people who matter? My Dad,  Ularewolf,  Ahnen

*Why?
My Dad is an awesome guy with a huge heart that's always there and never judging. We think alot alike and while he might not always understand what I like he always tries, is supportive, and is there with love/advice/help whenever he can be. He saved me from the horrible person my family would have turned me into had he not been around. For that I can never be thankful and appreciative enough.

 Ularewolf is an old net friend for around 10 years now who I am not afraid to share anything with,  ahnen is a new friend but she prolly understands me better than most anyone but the first two listed. It's not often you run into someone who can understand you AND is awesome in and of their own right.

*Who do you trust the most in your life?
My Dad

*Who do you love most?
Family? My Dad. Otherwise? Nobody atm.

*Ever been in love?
Twice. Ironically my first love was good, my second was a horrible idea lol.

*Who has hurt you the most?
My Ex-wife. I cannot even begin to express the extent.

*Has a tragedy ever happened in your life?
Of course.

*Are you happy?
Yes, after a year of recovery I'm my normal joyous happy go lucky spazzball self again :).

*How many good friends do you have?
3

*Are there some songs you cant listen to because they remind you of someone?
I have learned to leave such things mostly behind. Places, songs, etc are exactly that. They might always contain memories of my past, but those memories are just that, in the past. I might get a sad smile for a moment, then move on.

*Have you ever cheated on a partner?
No. I don't do cheating. If you have a serious issue you talk to your partner and figure it out. I'm unsure if I could manage an open relationship but I would try that as well if my partner needed it. Big deal here is trust and honesty whether open or closed.

*Ever been cheated on?
I hope not.

*Ever been told someone loved you?
Yes :).

*Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
2 separate people. Heart and soul.

*Not meant it?
Maybe on accident, or because I was confused, but never intentionally.

*Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?
I'm kind of enjoying being single again, just relaxing, but I'm also a little lonely. It's just not the same without a loving partner to share it with.

*What is your idea of true love?
Respect, affection, friendship, trust, and a bond that stands the test of time. (I'll keep this one, it seems like a good answer. XD, added trust though)

*When they slip, do you think you can let go the small stuff?
Of course, nobody is perfect. So long as they are good to me and try the small stuff doesn't matter.

*Do you believe in love at first sight?
nope, thats ludacris. I believe in lust or desire at first sight. Love takes time to form. (<-- This)

*Why or why not?
Because it takes time! Patience dammit! D:< (<--- This still)

*Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love?
I don't think you can have a love that wasn't first your friend. Even when dating.

*Do you believe that love can be found in bars or is that too much of a risk?
I was asked out while working at a bar and that was my best relationship and love. So a definite yes.

*Should people go to bars to find love?
You shouldn't look to find love. You go about your life and do stuff that's fun. Love finds you, no Soviet Russia required.

*Or should they go to places where people who like what they like hang out?
See last answer.

*Should men and women be expecting the other to buy the other gifts?
You should never "expect" anything, but appreciate it when it happens. And you should CERTAINLY try to be nice and buy them something special sometimes too! (<this 100 times over)

*Who should wear the pants in the relationship or should it be a mutual give and take?
Equality, we can both wear pants :> (AGREE!)

*Should chauvinists of either gender be in a relationship?
Once they learn not to be a jerk, yes.

*What is the first thing you notice about a guy/girl?
It differs depending on the person. One girl it might be the way she acts or laughs, another it might be her eyes, a 3rd it might be *facepalm* her chest. It all depends on the girl. There are countless things that can catch your eye, besides the obvious male flaws. Even actions or a smile :).

* What excites you about a guy/girl?
personality/how genuine they are.

* What turns you off?
Someone that isn't a whole person, being fake, uncalled for meanness, being super skinny (there is a difference between slender and OMFG eat something....here I'll buy!)

* Who sleeps next to you at night?
Nobody..only a pillow that I snuggle... :[

* Have you ever had a long distance relationship?
Yes, unfortunately. Though distance was not the problem, and we fixed that part way through anyways.

* Did it work? Why or why not?
It failed because it ended up being a 1 sided relationship and I could never give enough though it was destroying both me and my life. I didn't even realize how destructive it was at the time (love really is blind), just that it was very much bad for me and that it needed to end.

* Have you broken someone's heart?
Yeah. Ironically I broke both my and my ex-wife's heart both when I divorced her ;/.

* Has your heart been broken?
Twice.

* What is your longest relationship?
2 years.

* When was your last kiss?
February 2011 =<


Tags? Hmmmmm

 ularewolf

No, not me. =3

DIS GUY!!  melkiah!

Hes a good artist and is selling his talent for 1 month to the highest bidder! Right now the bid is at $50 which is still cheap as dirt. Its a GREAT price for what hes giving for it and he deserves more than what hes asking for it.

30 Sketches
20 Detailed Sketches
8 Inks
OR 4 completed images

Go check it out!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3235696/



How could you not want a cute little slave like that? Much less one that draws you teh arts!

Found while treasure hunting near  ahnen

It's been awhile and things have changed a bit, plus I liked this one a little better. It felt more personal and for me, when I choose to share I really choose to share.

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE
- Name: Ralathar
- Eye Color: brown
- Hair Style/Color: Brown, short clipped easy maintenance
- Height: 5'7"
- Clothing style: casual
- Best physical feature: The dimples I got from my grandma :). Other than that, I was once told I had a firm apple of a butt *blush*

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE
- Your fears: Becoming arrogant like some of my family,
- Your guilty pleasure: Anything I love that is considered childish or feminine.
- Your biggest pet peeve: People being mean for no reason
- Your ambitions for the future: To be involved in the creation of nerdy things. To find someone who will be as good to me as I will to them.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS
- Your first thoughts waking up: Mornings would be better if they happened later.
- What you think about most: Trying to be good to others, but still take care of myself.
- What you think about before bed:
- You think your best quality is: I genuinely care about everyone, sometimes to the expense of myself. (as long as the people deserve caring about, and it takes ALOT to hit that stage)

LAYER FOUR: WHAT'S BETTER?
- Single or group dates: single
- To be loved or respected: loved.
- Beauty or brains: Soul. Beauty is transient and says nothing of a person. Brains only determine HOW they do what they do and can be learned. Soul is a person's spirit, passion, and morals. It determines who they are. That being said it's no fun to try and talk about higher concepts to someone who doesn't get it.
- Dogs or cats: dogs, but a GOOD cat can be awesome too.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
- Lie: Unfortunately I can lie and lie well. I picked up this talent from my mother's side of the family. The bad side. It's why I can defend myself and do good for my team and our company in corporate politics. But I hate lying with a fiery passion. There should be no reason to lie and lying is almost always a negative thing in the long run.
- Believe in yourself: I'm confident I can struggle through any given situation, but I rarely believe in myself in anything I have not done. I'm especially bad at believing in myself when it comes to dating. I kind of understand I should because I'm willing to work so hard, but never seem to really believe.
- Believe in love: Yes.
- Want someone: Someone who is strong, able to stand on their own, yet not afraid to stand shoulder to shoulder with their mate, and most importantly someone who will be good to me for a change.

LAYER SIX: EVER?
- Been on stage: A few times. I'm not really shy but it terrifies me.
- Done drugs: Why? I've had a natural case of mellowness and munchies since birth. No need to pay, have red eyes, or smoke.
- Changed who you were to fit in: I used to. Now I don't change myself unless for extremely practical purposes like not losing my job haha. (Ironically they know I'm furry hehe). If you don't like who I am and I don't fit in then it's not a group I wish to fit into.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES
- Favorite color: *EDIT* No longer indecisive about Red. It's always been a synergetic color to me and my favorite. In true nerd styling however I remembered why Vash the Stampede's coat was red in Trigun. It seemed entirely appropriate to my own life as well since I think very similar to Vash in most ways. I'm happy. This means my color went from random preference to having a true meaning that's personal to me. I like that much more.
- Favorite animal: Lynxs. I'm slightly biased haha. RL animals you can have it's definitely dogs though.
- Favorite movie: Thank You for Smoking. Intelligent comedy that predicted what they would do to cigarette packs and teaches some very good points on the difference between freedom and right/wrong as well as the difference between arguements, winning/losing, and convincing specific people.
- Favorite game: City of Heros. (Uber Nerd I know lol)

LAYER EIGHT: AGE
- Day your next birthday will be: August 22
- How old will you be: 28
- Age you lost your virginity: 23 (I waited for love and found it. It was my only good relationship and I regret nothing.)
- Does age matter: Hate to say yes. Teenage mentalities and looks = turnoff. Much older than me? They better be fricken awesome because I'd like to grow old with someone one day.

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL
- Best personality: Playful and/or funny with a good heart.
- Best eye color: Blue I suppose. It's not the color though, feelings make the eyes something I could gaze into forever.
- Best hair color: Anything but blond, though I have particular weaknesses for colored or black hair.
- Best thing to do with a partner: snuggle (it's the one time I ever find complete peace with the world.)

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE
- I love: Best answer I have here right now is my Dad.
- I feel: Hopeful for the future, tired, emotional (unusual for me), and relieved all at the same time.
- I hide: My pain and worries. I try and take to much upon myself and forget that there are people ready and willing to be there for me too.
- I miss: Having somebody who was good to me.
- I wish: That people would love and respect each other more, then we would all get along so much better. I could wish for my everything, but there is so much better to wish for than just little ole me.

LAYER ELEVEN: I TAG
- Who do you tag? I've never even tagged anyone I don't think. Is tagging newb on FA.

This is the absolute furst of these I have ever done lol. Avoided them till now haha.

Stolen from  Rika who stole it from  korrok :).


ALL | ABOUT | ME
____________________________________________________________________________

- Name: Ralathar Renares (Fur name of course)
- Single or taken: Divorcing (ouch)
- Sex: Male
- Birthday: August 22nd
- Sign: Aries
- Hair color: Brown
- Eye color: Brown
- Height: 5'7"
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Straight, but incredibly comfortable :).
____________________________________________________________________________

S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Head and Shoulder (Lazy guy style lol)
- What are you listening to right now?: Lion King (Just Can't Wait to Be King)
- Who is the last person that called you?: Work (EW.)
- How many buddies are online right now?: 2
____________________________________________________________________________

F A V O R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Too many to even name
- Color: Red, Purple
- Drink: DR PEPPER
- Element: Water
- Food: Seafood
- Game: Skyrim/BF3 atm, soon to be STWOR/GW2 :)
- Movie: Thank You for Smoking
- Song: Anything with a good beat or feeling.
- Subjects in school: Computers :)
- T.V.: WAAAYYY too many.
____________________________________________________________________________

H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: Yes
- Smoked?: Hooka, also I've been set on fire before :P
- Bungee jumped?: I wish.
- Made yourself throw up?: Yes.
- Skinny dipped?: Yes
- Ever been in love?: Yes
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Alot when I was much younger, now I only cry at sappy movies.
- Pictured your crush naked?: Yes
- Actually seen your crush naked?: Yes
- Cried when someone died?: Yes, after being there for everyone else first.
- Lied: Yes
- Fallen for your best friend?: Not yet.
- Used someone?: I dislike such things and would not intentionally do so.
- Done something you regret?: Which time?
____________________________________________________________________________

C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: Nothin but a snuggie lol.
- Desktop picture: City of Heros Wallpaper (gah, NNEEERRRRDDD!!!_
- CD in player: None.
- DVD in player: None.

____________________________________________________________________________

L A S T | P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: In what way lol?
- Hugged: Myself :/
- You kissed: My wife :/.
- You IMed: Ularewolf
- Talk to online: Ularewolf
- You sexed it up with: My wife :/.
___________________________________________________________________________

A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: Almost always
- Open-minded?: Very much so.
- Arrogant?: It's one of my biggest fears, I constantly work not to become this.
- Insecure?: Very Confident in life. But not when it comes to my worth as a date :/.
- Random?: Spaghetti?
- Hungry?: Eating right now :P.
- Smart?: Yes in many ways, no in others.
- Moody?: I stay calm through some of the most troubled waters. I do freak or get angry rarely, but I take a step back when I think of this.
- Organized?: 5-10 years ago, hell no. Now? If given the time yes I am. But if it's a mess, oh well :).
- Shy?: Not in Normal life. Extremley so on "stages" all the time or dating sometimes.
- Difficult?: I can be. I'm right stubborn at times, just give me a little time and I'll look at things a bit more objectively.
- Bored easily?: Yes.
- Entertained easily? Very much so :).
- Obsessed?: I have a little OCD here and there, but nothing major and nothing I can't ignore.
- Lazy? I was really badly lazy just a short 5 years ago. But in the last 3 years, not a chance in your life. I'm so tired right now but can't rest yet :/.
- Angry?: Very rarely, you have to be a real jerk and I mean BIG TIME to anger me.
- Happy?: Almost all the time in even the toughest of situations
- Hyper?: Afraid so. I bounce off walls when I'm excited about something. But I can be alot more chill too.
- Trusting?: I care too much, and even if I get burned it will never stop me from caring about even people I do not know. But not crazy trusting really.
___________________________________________________________________________

R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: I wish I could sleep more :).
- Love is: Wonderful, but painful.
- I dream about: If I dream it all it's always stuff that just confuses me.
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: Discounting for a moment that males are sad, when I have interest in somebody I notice their eyes, their smile, they way they laugh and move. If they are fun and if they are caring. I notice all the wrong things first on the male side, but none of those can even hold a pale flickering candle to the awesomeness of everything else that gets so commonly overlooked. The things that when you think back upon years later, you remember clearly and are glad to have known them for. Physical stuff will never compare to that.
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W H O
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- Makes you laugh the most: Co-worker named Lauren.
- Makes you smile: Most things, but Lauren, myself, and my father currently.
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: Nobody, she's awesome but she's just a friend :). (Though everyone keeps trying to hook us up lol.)
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D O | Y O U | E V E R
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- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Nope, but I can see me doing that one day :).
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: It would be a fun ride, but I think I'd be glad to get back to normal.
- Wish you were younger?: Why would I do that? Good/bad I earned these years and have far more happy memories than bad and I've come so far.
- Cry because someone said something to you?: I almost never cry outside of sappy movies, not since I was a teenager. But my heart bleeds the same. Sometimes I get sad, and my heart cries the tears that won't come to my eyes.
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N U M B E R
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- Of times I have had my heart broken? Twice, devastated completely both times. I go all in and hold nothing back.
- Of Cd's I own: 50+?
- Of scars on my body: 6?
- Of bones I've broken: 1, it was a finger and only a fracture :).

Pictures link here for you: http://www.myspace.com/ralathar (head to the picture albums)

That's my furry oriented myspace :). Your welcome to friend or see any of the pics I have from Furry Fiesta or Texas Renaissance Festival.


But as for Furry Fiesta itself? Wow it was a blast. 200-250 people were hoped for. 272 pre-registered and I bet the staff crapped their pants lol. They had 561 total people show up. 92 official fursuiters in the parade. 100-112 there total. That's 2 smashed records for first year cons. It was a smashing success, basically starting as a medium sized con and it has already both secured next year and twice the space they had this year. The people and fursuiters were great. I liked the panels and WUV'd the events. It was welcoming, friendly, and fun :). I can't wait to go back next year :).

I can't stress enough exactly how fun it was and how great the people and staff were but maybe this will help: *runs around in circles for 30 minutes strait bounding around the room randomly. Does a few flips, licks your nose, and then glomps you* :) :) :) :) :). That's how happy Furry Fiesta has made me.

I'd like to go out of my way to thank the con staff and volunteers. They worked themselves to the bone for us. Especially Istanbull and Guardian. I'd also like the thank the hotel for being so damned awesome about everything from service to enthusiasm to doing their job. Last but not least I want to thank the wonderful people there that made my stay so much fun.

WEEEEEE!!!! *huggles and scritches for all of you*

I'll give details tomorrow. Right now all you need to know is that I had more fun than I thought possible in a single weekend but didn't sleep very much while I was up there. Thus I is tired kitty. I can has furry fiesta journal entry another day, for right now enjoy the con art I got :).

A shorter version of the metric crapload I posted on my myspace that I never post on lol:

House and work and life = Weee, problems overcome, caught up, and things are looking up. Women = bleh, love em but frustrating lot they be. (not that I help that sometimes haha).

But more interesting to this site is FURRY FIESTA!!. Ya, that's right, Texas is having a con again. It's this month feb 20th-22nd if I remember correctly and I will be going to my first con now that I don't have to fly or drive 12 hours. I can't afford the time or money it costs to do that. I know I'm gonna have a blast visiting with other furs and
experiencing the con. I also am brining a couple bottles of vodka for late night fun. Though I am definitely gonna be careful. I don't want to miss half a con day feeling like crap :).


For those of you that know the knotcast crew is hosting it in Dallas :). Can't think of a better group of people to meet at a con. Would love to just hang out with them and see how they are like but I'm sure they will be absolutely MOBBED hehe.

So in short:

WWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....*gasps*.....EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! (think that covers it hehe)





On a random yet important side note: I plan on trying my hand at drawing soon. I have always considered myself a crappy artist but I don't think I ever TRULY tried and got into it. I'm sure if I got into it that I would be much better. Not sure if I would be good though.

So, I'm not the shy type but I still have a few hang ups. One of which was singing in front of other people. Could barely sing in front of someone I was close to. Now I'm no champion singer but I don't blatantly suck either. So what ends up happening? I end up letting myself being talked into karaoke at a karaoke cafe.

Sweet Jebus I can't remember the last time I was so nervous. My legs were shaking but I went up there and sang "Save Me" by Shinedown and conquered a fear. Now I didn't sing it very good, but I wasn't painfully horrible. This considering I did a good bit worse since I was so nervous. It was actually kinda fun and I plan on doing it again sometime. Better and less afraid.

All in all it wasn't so bad and I'd say if you've got a fear of something similarly silly then you should just go for it. Better embarassed and having done it then being too scared or shy to do it.

Been furry for years and just now started using my FA account lol. I'll see if I can coax myself to be patient enough to seriously attempt drawing something :3. Either way the attempt should be plenty fun.