Hi, I NEVER wanted to bring my problems to FurAffinity or my personal art platforms.. I am so, so so sorry about this. I currently have no choice in the matter though. :(

This ALSO wasn't the way I wanted to announce that I may have cancer, but likewise I have no choice. Please share this around so I can get physical early access to resources and prevention.

I desperately need a new car to get testing and surgery / biopsies. I NEVER wanted to even announce it to begin with, but the context is important so that I can finally be honest of just how serious this situation is. My neighbor crashed into my parked car on October 2nd and totaled it. This is separate from my minor fender bender back 5-6 months ago, this completely smashed the back end and bent the chassis of our car. The wheel drives weird now, indicating potential frame or axel damage.

It's undrivable, and my appointments are 30 - 45 minutes away into a major city on a major dangerous highway. She's fighting us every step of the way even with a police report and her being at fault, and insurances take time I don't have.

I may have two types of cancer (either, both, or neither! Let's hope neither!) - Oral cancer, and breast cancer.

I've been dealing with an oral tumor that may be cancerous. It has started to flare up recently. I've had a high lymphocyte count for months. Doctors aren't able to figure out what's causing it. I've had this tumor removed and biopsied once before but it grew back, and I don't trust the previous testing center's results since I was injured during removal and they did a POOR job at removal, and left parts of the tumor that eventually caused it to grow back stronger.

I am scheduled to get an emergency removal and biopsy on November 3rd. They will also take out infected teeth around the tumor.

I won't share photos of my breast, personal boundaries, but it has purple & red splotching similar to inflammatory breast cancer, and it often develops cyst-like lesions that don't heal for months and will leak. They found extra tissue. I haven't wanted to say anything because it's not 100% confirmed for either, but the reason I've been SO quiet and struggling with my health is that honestly.. my body is constantly fighting. SOMETHING is wrong, and I'm going through intensive and exhaustive testing to figure it out. I have a mammogram scheduled for October 22nd.

However at this point, if I don't have a car to get to these appointments I booked back in LATE JULY, I may never get to know whether I am dealing with cancer or not. Or to get other screening for conditions like EDS, Lupus, or otherwise to finally figure out what has been attacking my body.

I'm trying to be strong, but I'm terrified. I constantly feel like I'm a few steps away from dying and no news of what it is to even stop it. I had to reschedule my mammogram already due to me getting sick a few weeks ago and vomitting, and I still haven't fully recovered. This is another warning sign of something more serious, since I'm basically perpetually sick nowadays.

I'm sorry to unload.. I'm just at my wits end. 💔 I never, ever, EVER want to make people pity me nor do I want to make such a serious claim without confirmation. So please trust me when I say, I would never have said anything nor announced this if doctors didn't have major concerns. I've been through the wringer testing everything minor already, and all the basics have been ruled out.

If you can support my gofundme or share this journal, I would really REALLY appreciate it. Please don't feel pressured to support or give anything, I just need more eyes on the situation so I can get the treatments necessary to fix whatever is going on. Thank you, and I love all of you! I'll try to post some resells and more adoptables for my situation in the meantime. I wanted to get through my queue, but this situation takes priority over it unfortunately :(

https://www.gofundme.com/f/urgent-c.....ency-surgeries

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61478820/ - Art raffle here! (not mine!)

I'm still remaining quiet for my health but I was shown this and had to join omg!!

I was in the hospital for a pulse of 181 BPM yesterday. It could have been a false positive on my personal heart monitor, but in-hospital it was 140 BPM. My resting is still bouncing between 95 - 115 even at home.

They believe it's due to a lot of stress-induced panic attacks, which I don't disagree with. I've had a lot of stress, lack of sleep, and I'm a disabled indigenous American. Our climate right now is very harmful. I'm losing my benefits, and I worry about my future as a POC. It's been a lot to manage, and I've been at my wits end.

However, I have psuedo-seizures. They are triggered HEAVILY due to my stress and anxiety. With my heart rate this high, it's triggering more and more seizures. I have a history of heart disease in my family, and due to all of my seizures in the past I do have a weaker heart. I am in the process of a follow up with cardiology.

I've had dozens of seizures the past 3 weeks, multiples a day. I've been heavily medicated and it's still not resolving my heartrate issue. So for now, I'm on a loose medical break (aka, it's a forced break that I wish I didn't have to take) As such, I will continue to be quiet. If anything needs to be urgently addressed, please contact my husband monztar !

As for commission status: My NSFW YCH is currently at 90 % completion. I have everyone's base colors down and patterns accurately added, I just haven't finished my own sona's markings (he's about halfway done) - I have been trying to finish it, but my arms have been sore from all the seizures and I'm trying to just rest for right now.

https://ibb.co/GvsyGgMF - Progress photo here (NSFW WARNING)

I wanted to make sure I communicated properly that the YCH is very far along, just can't be fully completed yet til I get a grip on my pulse and seizures! I'm picking up new meds in a few hours.

Thank you for making it this far if you're still reading. I'm getting a grip on it!!

Got into a car accident today (it’s very mild but I am VERY beat up from what I assume is either stress or whiplash)

I have my YCH 80% complete, it’s lined fully.. and all that’s left is flat colors which are easy for me. But due to the soreness I’ll probably be taking another week or two at least, but progress has been made!

Any file deliveries will be made when I wake up since I’m gonna go pass out now. I need sleep and some good luck 😭

I cleaned the WHOLE house and got everything nice and caught up, but it was for naught since my apt inspectors didn't come yesterday or today. So they MAY pop in next week (or we got skipped for this inspection) .. either way, I'm gonna try to finish the YCH comm + raffle slot this weekend! I would have worked on it while waiting for my inspection but I didn't wanna risk furry porn on my monitor as people came in XD

I feel very much so better, I can't wait to get into the grove of working and clearing my queue! Likewise, I might be on an adopt break since I've been noticing my adopts haven't sold very well the last few weeks. Expect a price adjustment soon! I plan to readjust my tiers and pricings to reflect the ever changing economic landscape that is america rn. For most people, that will be lowering costs for the tiers~!

I was gonna work these past 2 weeks but I had a PCOS flareup coincidentally exactly at the same time my apt complex announced 2 new inspections with a weeks notice :'D

So I have been spending this time cleaning, preparing, etc. Having to deal with bullshit left n right with the property manager, I've had to work like a DOG.

But after the 27th I will finally be free to just chill and work. I'm feeling a LOT more inspired now that spring is here, I think I had seasonal depression on top of my medical issues Q_Q

RAHHHH I’m feeling a LOT better lately! So I’m taking this upswing to completely tackle my queue.

Any pending commissions will be worked on 💖 I will be unavailable the 19th but otherwise I’m gonna be grinding starting tomorrow!

Once I clear it my comms will stay closed except for customs, as I don’t think my health is particularly predictable enough for me to be speedy for customers outside of customs.

I do apologize for that, being a disabled artist is extremely frustrating for both sides 😭 nobody has been angry and I’m thankful for that, but still..

Thank you guys for being supportive and patient, I love you all!!

I've been resting it this whole time and only using my right hand for mouse drawing, and I'm proud to say it's gotten a LOT better! I regained sensation and the pain is dull, at maybe a 1-2.
I have my EMG scheduled for March 3rd, but otherwise its mostly to make sure that it was just a pinched nerve.

Everything seems to be getting better, so I will probably be able to continue my workload and complete it during March! :D

Still having issues, most of the numbness is dying down but I have a lot of pain and issues with holding things still. For now, I'm still on rest orders. I have an appointment scheduled for valentines day (2/14) to do an Electromyography (EMG) test to see if I need an MRI.

Art is unfortunately on hold due to this :C If I can do it with my mouse (such as base fills) I will work on it, but anything that requires me to hold my tablet and actually draw on it is unfortunately not able to happen rn.

I feel awful and terrible. If anyone is concerned and wants refunds, please let me know. I appreciate everyone's comments and I read them even if I dont reply, I've just had no energy lately due to all the stress
; A ;

Just got out of the hospital earlier today after basically 48 hours of being in the hospital

Had to type so please bare with me.

Have had issues with my left arm being numb and weak, plus pins and needle pain. Doing testing to rule out anything neurological or life threatening, they dont think its immediately a threat so I was sent home to do outpatient appointments since they dont have any rooms and I started having panic attacks hearing the announcement bell ring out a windchime noise every time someone died (at least 6 ppl since I was admitted) and i didnt get to do much sleep because the hopsital is so overworked there was constant chimes, alerts, banging, and code blues.

so I'm home but still struggling, taking time away from everything to rest, didnt get much sleep and have had my arm blown out with my IV line twice before they decided to stop giving me an IV due to my seizures. Hard to socialize or draw or game or anything and I'm sad :(

blood tests and urine tests came back normal, I did a ct scan with + without contrast, and also did ultrasound to rule out bloodclots, everything seems normal so they dont know why its happening. So far they gave me gabapentin to ease my symptoms so I'll be kinda loopy on that til then, its an anticonvulsant and I am KNOWN for not making good decisions while on anticonvulsants.

They suspect either SEVERE carpal tunnel or a nerve being pinched in my neck.

I’ll TLDR this because I am exhausted but long story short:

My left arm down to my hand went numb 4 days ago. After 2 days the tips of my fingers began to hurt badly.

After I dropped dishes when washing them, I decided to go into the ER. They did extensive testing and are worried it’s either a pinched nerve that could require an amputation, or it’s something neurological like a tumor or some sort of brain related issue.

However, I have a VNS implant so I need to go to a specialty hospital that has an MRI with “pacemaker mode”. So that required a transfer. But with the flu season as horrific as it is, my hospital I was at was SEVERELY understaffed.

I did leave the hospital against advisory, but it’s because the hospital I need is in another town and my transfer would take 3-5 days minimum. So I checked out to go home to sleep and schedule my testing, because nothing more could be done at the hospital. People were screaming, retching, and I had been in the hospital since 3am the following day with no sleep. I was having panic attacks.

Expect delays in responses right now. I am struggling with this, and trying to find out
more. I am trying my best. If you need anything art related such as a refund, let me know and I will get to you when I can. I’m sorry that this isn’t a good positive update but please be patient with me.

In the meantime if I’m incapacitated, my partner monztar can answer questions when he has time that he isn’t using to tend to my situation. Thank you.

It's a bit TMI but I don't mind sharing to be transparent.

I'm an intersex (hermaphrodite is an outdated term but more common knowledge, so I will use that for clarity's sake) individual with PCOS, meaning that when I DO get my period (which is rare) it's extreme and leaves me bed-ridden.

I have an immeasurable amount of cysts on my ovaries, and I get high levels of testosterone and progesterone - especially during my period. Those hormones cause intense cramping akin to actual childbirth and labor contractions, and I have been known to dilate severely when on my period. My cysts will all rupture during my period which imo, sucks and feels like a mini pain grenade going off inside.

My pelvis will also dislocate sometimes, which is why its important I limit my movements during it.

And currently, I just woke up to one of the most intense period cramps and -immediate- bleeding I've ever had, so I am GOING THRU IT. Trying to stay positive, but sitting up at my computer to draw is going to be difficult - and my already limited mobility will have to be spent doing cleaning for my apartment inspection upcoming on the 27th - 30th.

This means there will be a bit of a delay on what I expected to deliver for the end of this month. I'm really sorry for the delay, and once the inspection and my period end, I will resume work as normal!

I was gone to do vending at an anime convention! Was selling sketches and Kandi ♥
I had a LOT of fun! I may post the commissions I did traditionally, but overall, it was super relaxing.

The only downside is I got super sick and got the con crud, and then weather (snow and frozen roads) made my 4-day pass be.. well, only used for a day xD Oh well!
Anyways, I'm back into the swing of it! I'm gonna work on finishing my pending YCH by the end of this month but I also got an apartment inspection so it may need to be finished early Feb instead.

Hope everyone has been well!

Was just curious if anyone would be interested in an adopt server where I post my adopt WIPs and/or YCHs for preclaims or suggestions!

I'm currently working on a Sonic / Mobian adopt batch (100 adopts to be exact) and I thought it would be fun to post my WIPs for them somewhere, but I didn't wanna flood FA or my subs here xD

If so, let me know! Even a cute lil "♥" or something as a reply ion this journal will let me know that it's worthwhile to make it. Hell, even just a dad joke / pun you know!

I've never really hosted a personal art server before, so I'm sorry if this journal is redundant lol

edit: the server is live! Invite link dies after 7 days, so I'll be updating my server link every week in my bio from here on out.
https://discord.gg/5u67wRH3

Edit; this will be a goal for next year in January since I need a tooth extraction on the 6th (or maybe after cause that’s the consult, but having emergency tooth stuff going on bweee)

I want to take me and my partner to an anime convention local to us! He got his fursuit head there so I am DYING to also go and see if I can find a cutie to take home, I've always dreamed of having a fursuit head QwQ

I got scammed out of one in like, 2016 .. so I never tried again haha. Anyone buying, sharing, or commenting and faving adopts will be SUPER appreciated! ♥

Ignore me as I use this journal for a written goal. Con is January 9th, not much time but didn't know it was so soon RAHH ;; We plan to sell there as well, mostly Kandi masks / bracelets and perler art! Maybe some sketches from me too idk.

Current goal I have in mind to take me and my partner to a local convention:

- 165$ for expedited costumes off Amazon
(doing Sonadow throw-together cosplay nyehehe)

- 180$ for tickets for both of us, 85$ each
(4 days, at the door price)

- 80 - 150$ for autographs (?)
(idk what autographs go for nowadays, used to be like 20-40$ but might be more now)

- 500 - 800$ spending cash
(in case we see a headbase, kemono / minky head or paws / tail we want, don't expect to get a mini partial or enough money for anything like that lmao)

Total:
995, rounding up to 1k

Can I get this done in time?
Probably not, but goddamn it will I try lol. Might be able to make more in spending cash with sales, but idk.

Anything leftover I'll put towards my partner's PC or maybe a headbase to try making fursuit heads to sell!!

Biggest goal is just the 180$ for tickets, otherwise all else is extra

Very nervous. I tested positive for antibodies that indicated an autoimmune disease around two months ago, so today I’m going for a consult to rule out anything rheumatoid related.

My mother had severe rheumatoid issues, so I suspect it’ll be a form of arthritis like hers, but I’m stressed regardless lol. If anyone has gone to a rheumatologist I would love a support buddy 😭

Likewise, because of this and New Year’s Eve, I may be slightly quiet! Once Jan 1st rolls around I’ll be focusing hard on my pending commissions to clear my queue, so expect some uploads and maybe warmups!

Anyways I hope you guys have a lovely day, sorry for the ramble. xD

The winner was number 12, aka the awesome Tudormickeymouse !

If you didn't win, don't sweat it! I plan to host more raffles in the future. :D I'd love to host a fullbody NSFW raffle of two slots sometime soon, I just wanna clear my commission queue first.

Go join here!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59176353/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59176353/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/59176353/

This will be kept vague! No spoilers here other than 10/10 recommend this movie, and I recommend you pre-buy tickets online a day or two in advance because it is a NIGHTMARE to get tickets rn otherwise.

I cried probably 10 times at least, and I think it was a perfect mix of sad, happy, and inspirational. I do think the 1st movie was better music-wise, but I digress. I think there's a reason for it, and you'll see if you stay for the end credits (yes, there's more after the credits)

OVERALL THIS INSPIRED ME SO HARD to work more on adopts, YCHs, etc to take me and my partner to see both Mufasa and Sonic this month. I want to have our Christmas jam-packed with outings and dates, so PLEAAASE share my adopts, YCHs, etc. I would be forever grateful to any and all purchases right now during this month, because money is tight and I want to make this Christmas one to remember for my partner. QwQ ♥

Go join, their art is cute!! :3
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58600232/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58600232/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/58600232/