I hope you all have a good christmas today! <3

I just had my dinner so I am now recovering XD

https://www.deviantart.com/rawn89/a.....zumi-776442884 It's so cuteee >w<

I'm at my wit's end.

I've been trying to find a new laptop for myself with a 1TB HDD around £300-£500 with an i3 or higher processor for about 2 weeks now and I found one and was about to buy it but then I realised that it didn't have a disk drive, which I need and I don't want to have to buy a separate disk drive for it.

Call me stupid but I honestly had no idea that laptops didn't come with disk drives anymore, I thought it was like one of the most basic features of ANY laptop.

Can anyone please recommend a site/brand/laptop with these specifications?

... because I couldn't stop crying for some reason. :/

I got up and had breakfast as normal this morning and I found myself somehow reading up on depression forums (since I suffer from it) for help but I found that the more I read, the more upset I became with my life. I didn't even notice the time and realised that I was a bit late for leaving to go to work.

As I went to the bus stop, I realised that the bus hadn't arrived yet and I waited for about 10-15 mins for it but when it didn't arrive, I once again broke down into tears and began to panic on what to do since I was looking at my watch and I knew that I would be late for work even if a bus came in the next 5 minutes or so (it was about 10:35 and I had to get to work for 11, a good 15 minute bus drive and walk away)

I debated with myself on whether or not to go to work due to my constant flow of tears and I made a stupid decision... I ran away from the bus stop and ran all the way down my road to get back home. I got inside and called my colleague saying that I had a migraine (no, I'm not admitting to my colleagues that I have depression, at least not yet anyway) and I think I must have sounded noticeably upset/full of cold and he sounded somewhat annoyed at the fact that I was staying off (bear in mind that I have already stayed off four times over a 6 month period due to my IBS pains) so now I feel more guilty than ever for missing work and for leaving my colleague by himself (I normally work beside him and he acts as my coordinator for the day)

I feel like shit now and don't even want to tell my mum that I stayed off today. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't been fired yet due to the amount of times I've stayed off. This journal is just an update for my crap-filled life with depression.

https://www.smule.com/p/1803713040_2526106439 Admittedly not my best, I was derping the parts in brackets to be honest and just trying out Smule for the first time, plz forgive me x3 I'm also not so good at high notes, sorry ^^;

https://www.smule.com/p/1803713040_2526106439 Admittedly not my best, I was derping the parts in brackets to be honest and just trying out Smule for the first time, plz forgive me x3

Going on vacay again! :D (the same place again XD)

I will be on vacation from the 31st of August until the 7th of September but don't worry, I will have internet at where I am staying~!

Though I just wanted to let you all know since I may not be online as much as usual x3

I don't really understand what's going on with me at the moment. I feel as though my life isn't as great as it could be, despite being in a nice paid part-time job where everyone is nice to me and there's never been too much trouble with anything there and also have been pretty successful in University, having earned a 2nd Bachelors Degree in Games Design.

I tend to find that every day I also just have a lack of energy and sometimes don't even want to draw anything or play video games despite being bored out of my mind (which happens every day) and whenever I draw/play something I only do it for a few hours instead of the entire day, which I used to enjoy doing a few years ago.

In terms of work, I really don't understand it. I only work 16 hours (4 days a week) in an Admin job for the NHS (National Health Service) and everyone there is really nice to me and there isn't much manual labor or anything that could cause me too much stress yet somehow I feel worse here than I do at home. Now I've made a couple of mistakes at work recently which no-one was angry about but it seems that all of the jobs I've had in the past have made me have a consistant fear of making mistakes. (Bear in mind that my job before this was at Toys R Us where I was constantly berated/talked down to by people who were younger than me for making rookie mistakes and it was a f***ing nightmare that I don't even want to get into)

So since Toys R Us or I guess the job before that, I've had a constant fear of f***ing things up, even if it's a little thing. So whenever I make a mistake in this current job, be it I maybe forget to write down a name/number for someone after they've called for my colleague or forgotten which certain pieces of medical equipment belong to which member of my team, I just feel like bursting into tears, despite knowing that no-one's gonna really mind the mistake at all.

Also since I only work 4 hours a day, I find that all of my colleagues just want to give me constant jobs to do and I sometimes end up working overtime as a result. It seems that they all completely forget which shifts I work despite it being on our group calendar. I've also found that one colleague in particular, who I won't name, gives me jobs that I've never been taught how to do before or just asks me for help with Excel, despite me not knowing much about the program at all (I'm a Word person ultimately) and most of my colleagues just assume that I'm some kind of IT expert just because I know a thing or two about computers. Because of this I'm sometimes pressured into a task that I don't know how to perform and ultimately end up apologising and feeling guilty whenever I can't fix the issue.

I can't say that I've quite forgiven that particular colleague though since once before he jokingly blamed me for not being in work when something was delivered, which I laughed at at the time but honestly didn't find funny at all, despite it being a joke. Because he should have known that I only do four days a week and if I'm not in work on the day that something is deliver then tough, it's the rest of the team's problem not mine.

But anyway... recently I've been having issues with family too, though it's mainly just with my nephew, Killian.

The other day my mum left me with him for 20 minutes whilst she went out to pick up my bro and bring him back, yet it was the most stressful 20 minutes of my entire life. Now, I've always been pretty good with kids for most of my life, due to having 5 cousins at different ages... but for some reason during that day I felt the worse I ever have. I really didn't want to be with him because I know that he's REALLY clingy to my mum so he would just cry as soon as she left, which he did, much to my NON surprise.

Issue was that once he cried, I went into full panic mode and basically tried EVERYTHING to make him stop. I picked him up, thinking he would want a hug, I tried to put him down for a nap since he was rubbing his eyes, I tried checking his diaper (he's 13 months old by the way) and after all of this, he wouldn't stop so I just got angry and felt like exploding. I'm used to having kids cry around me, because of my cousins, but this time I just felt like screaming at the top of my lungs and smashing something.

So by this point, I was completely livid and just gave him some food, which pretty much made him to stop, to my relief. My mum came back and I was fine but he was eating this lollipop thing and I noticed that he wasn't able to eat it properly so I tried helping him out and he SCREAMED the loudest he's ever done and at this point, I just picked him up, gave him to my brother and said "he's your problem..." and went up to my room before bursting into tears.

This just isn't me... and what's worse is that the same thing happened before only it was with me and my dad and mum literally just came home and sat him on his knee and he IMMEDIATELY stopped crying.

Look, the thing is, I've ALWAYS wanted kids of my own, despite my family being somewhat clueless to this fact even though I've shown many signs of wanting one in the past, but recently I just feel as though I don't want one EVER because of these experiences I've gone through (I know that EVERY parent has gone through this, but still). My mum just says to me that the same thing always happens whenever she looks after a kid, the thing is... SHE'S HAD KIDS BEFORE SO IT ISN'T FAIR FOR HER TO SAY THAT TO ME.

And I admittedly am the type of person who likes to stay in her room a LOT just because I feel the safest here so sometimes when Killian's around, I don't tend to go down and see him, which I know may most likely be the issue since he doesn't know me as well as I would like him to.

But those 20 minutes in hell pretty much just gave me a solid reminder of why I can never have kids. Because if I can't even survive 20 minutes with my nephew without him crying then what kind of mother am I gonna be in the future? There's no point in me even considering having a child now despite how badly I wanted one in the past and considering that I have Polycystic Ovary Sydrome, the chances of me having one are pretty much slim to none anyway. Oh and I have an overactive bladder and IBS to add further insult to injury, so is it really much of a surprise that I have depression?

To add to these issues, I've always been pretty bad with the whole 'dating' thing and haven't had great boyfriends in the past. First one tried to touch me inappropriately and the second one was like a clingy child who claimed that he would commit suicide if I dumped him so I've been very unlucky in this area too and have even resulted to online dating since I'm a very socially awkward person and it's pretty much gonna be a long time before I travel anywhere or have a full-time job where I'll be more likely to meet someone. And one more thing, my mum always thinks that I'm overreacting whenever I tell her these issues that I've been having therefore she's no help to me whatsoever in terms of my depression.

I had anxiety in the past, like a year ago, and took classes to help get rid of it. I felt much better after it but now since starting to work again, it's just come back to bite me in the ass once again.

So yeah, this is pretty much my life right now... and for any of you who think that I've had suicidal thoughts, please don't worry, I don't plan on doing anything THAT drastic since I actually fear dying young more than anything.

I'm sorry for ranting on so much, I just wanted to get EVERYTHING off my chest :/

So I was just cutting up my dinner when all of a sudden my hand completely FROZE in place. I couldn't bend any of my fingers and there was this weird pain going through it the whole time.

I managed to fix it by twisting my wrist around and 'uncracking' my hand but then the same thing happened again a few seconds later before going away. Now I just have a tightness around the area...

I had a milder case of this a few months by when I was in the shower. I just pressed the power button and my index finger went numb for a few seconds before functioning properly again.

Any of you guy know what this could be? I'm kind of scared D:

There goes £3.99 for the same damn game just with Mighty and Ray as extras and difficulty ramped up... I was honestly expecting more from it, like some new levels perhaps -w-; I found the game hard enough already but for some reason Plus just makes the game more frustrating.

Just to let you know, I'm not saying that you guys shouldn't buy it, just wanted to express my opinion.

I admit I do like the new switching mechanic between the characters and each time you die, you switch but it's just the same game, especially if you're like me and you keep hitting the 'Switch' box in order to randomise the characters you have and you end up getting Sonic and Tails and can't find another one.

Also Mighty and Ray seem to not really do much to the game, mechanic-wise. Sure Mighty is pretty awesome when he can ground pound to find hidden areas but Ray can't really fly like Tails so he's kind of just wasted really.

*sighs* Time to get my money back, I guess.

I can't wait :D (it's actually my bro's birthday today but he's on holiday so we can't celebrate until he gets back on Sunday :/)

Gonna go shopping with my parents tomorrow, having a Chinese lunch at my favourite restaurant and gonna have a bbq on Sunday with the family :3

... is in 10 days from now ;P

Gonna be doing my usual trip to Cardiff with my mum next Wednesday and having a family bbq on the day after my birthday :3 Not sure what I'll be doing on my actual birthday though, probably go out for a meal with mum and dad~

... for wishing that guys in real life were just like fictional characters? Personality-wise I mean!

I dunno if it's just my endless case of bad boyfriends talking but sometimes I wish that there were guys out there who acted just like fictional characters that I like.

I know this probably sounds kinda selfish but I'm not the only one who thinks this... right?

It's official x3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eYb7wQJLhQ

I watched this now and my god, I can't stop watching it... but that's probably because I have a weakness for seeing members of the main Sonic cast taking care of a baby mobian ;w;

So I bought these adoptables AGESSSS ago and I never drew them x3

So I'll offer these to you guys for 5-15 Points each~! (Please check prices below)

https://hedgecatdragonix.deviantart.....ATED-747262172

If you see one you want from the link above, leave me a comment on this journal, please and I shall update it with your username~

. Adopt 1 (Seedrian) - Status: OPEN (15 Points/$1.50) Adopted by deviantART user m1tyz1t!
. Adopt 2 (Lombax) - Status: CLOSED (15 Points/$1.50) - Adopted by deviantART user, studio-kun!
. Adopt 3 (Bilbunny) - Status: OPEN (15 Points/$1.50)
. Adopt 4 (Brown Kitty) - Status: OPEN (5 Points/$0.50) Adopted by deviantART user m1tyz1t!
. Adopt 5 (Mobian Cat) - Status: OPEN (10 Points/$1.00) Adopted by deviantART user m1tyz1t!
. Adopt 6 (Mobian Butterfly) - Status: OPEN (15 Points/$1.50) Adopted by deviantART user m1tyz1t!
. Adopt 7 (Cat Girl) - Status: OPEN (5 Points/$0.50) Adopted by deviantART user m1tyz1t!

... mostly with anatomy XD;

I know this is gonna sound kind stupid but how did you guys learn how to draw Sonic anatomy? I'm not sure if you guys have noticed but I'm REALLY bad at drawing Sonic hands :/ and I was just wondering if any of you followed a particular tutorial on how to draw good Sonic anatomy or just learned how to draw it yourselves?

I see a lot of artists who free-draw Sonic pictures a lot and it makes me kinda jealous to be honest, since you always make really good pieces without using references or you just seem to draw them so flawlessly without making any mistakes.

I really want to improve and hope to draw Sonic pictures without references one day... that's the dream, at least x3

So I commissioned the awesome Sonic figure custom maker, wakeangel2001 a while ago to make me a figure of Kira and here it is! :D https://hedgecatdragonix.deviantart.....onix-740875533

I LOVE it so much, it was so worth the wait! >w<

He also made a video of the creation process too! :3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJm.....ature=youtu.be

Yeah, I'm generally quite a gullible person and I don't care much for pranks which make me feel that way -w-; Easter, however, is awesome :D it's currently Easter Day as well today here in the UK so I hope no-one poisons my eggs! x3

Pretty sure OCD should be changed to OSD for 'Obsessive Sonic Disorder' for me XDD

Currently taking Sonic and Non-Sonic commissions on my deviantART page! Please check the link below for more information if you're interested :3 https://hedgecatdragonix.deviantart.....ions-732579488

Let's hope that 2018 will be a better time for us all!

Hope you're all having a good day so far :3

I've received many gifts, notably a Sonic tshirt, Assassin's Creed calendar/jumper and some Christmas leggings x3

Just chilling at home with my parents at the moment but going to visit my granddad later then coming back here to prepare the veggies for Christmas dinner! :D

https://twitter.com/KiranaHedgie

I haven't posted here since 2013 XD; so I would really appreciate it if I could have some followers, please :3 I'll be uploading a few drawings on there as well as here as usual!

'Nuff said. x3 Received my diploma in advance about two months ago with a 2:2 degree in Bachelor Sciences (Games Design)

So last week we had a storm over here... and NOW my sister in law has been taken into hospital for her defibrillator going off, after having it fitted a few months back, after giving birth and having a total of four hospital stays previously because of it. And now we have no water in our house either and apparently it's gonna take a few days to fix...

Just... f*ck everything. -_-