Hey Everyone, just to let you all know, due to a botched attempt to update my codes on a social media app people here may use, I have lost my discord account for good, so if I don't respond that's why. I'll be making a new account and adding people anew

I have tried to tell as many as I can and it's likely I'll miss some, so messaging people here and other places.

Sadly I am not much of a social person and don't chat much, so even messages don't get answered often, but I will try.

GiJohn is holding a contest with my characters, more information down below:

https://www.deviantart.com/gijohn20.....test-812515888

To those who are still waiting in line to get a commission from me, please remind me from time to time.

Because going to a convention in August with friends, we are trying to plan a growth drive and because of the concept we have currently for the drive, I was suggested to use Francesca, just worried she been over used in growth drives, so want to know if people would still like to have her in the growth drive or a different mouse?

To people who were commissioning me or have tried to in the past

Because of serious issues in my past organization, I've found the need to change how I do things.
Much information has been lost to time, and for my own sanity I have to cancel all old commissioned I had accepted but not taken payment for.
I am really sorry, I hope you will hold no bad sentiment about it.

I will from now on only be taking commissions from a google form, which will help me keep info organized and safe, so that this situation doesn't happen again hopefully.
At least there is always hope, right?

Thank you for your understanding.

By request of friends, I will also update my prices to be more in line with my experience.
Expect a moderate bump, as it has been many years since I last updated my prices.
I hope my art will be still worth it for you.

Finally, I shall be doing some commission streams in the not-too-distant future, as their more immediate nature works best for me.
Only issue I can tell from this is perhaps timezone differences, but will see how must effect that will have.
I hope you'll get to catch them on https://picarto.tv/redsilverartist
I usually start them without much ado, so keep an eye on picarto email notifications if you're interested.

Well I have an issue of how to keep track of commissions, not just through notes or emails, but in general, I can't remember whom wanted what of the time and at times when I try to put them down in notes, text or such, I lose them too, so anyone have advice, suggestion or otherwise know what can help?

I have to find some tax number to activate my patreon account, but does anyone know how to make multi, since might be still trying to make one with another artist, as weird as it may sound.

My mood has been in the dumps lately, almost seems to get worse over time and might be effecting my view on my art, I would liked a bigger tablet to draw on, but I think my current one is fine, even if I feel it slightly twitching while drawing if not fast enough. Been suggested to reinstall Clip Studio, but have a lot of custom brushes I did, not sure how to save them all or just pick the ones that work best.
Still on the project to determine if I should get early retirement or if I can do work, just in certain amount.

Been thinking of how to do things better, drawing and such. Comics, webcomic and animations too, but might be too big for me, since I can't decide or think it's good enough to finish. Been thinking of writers or managers/co-creators, but get the feeling I'm not doing the ideas I have in mind if I share them, so tend to close of, which is a sucky mindset, and it is one I sadly struggling with, since I'm not doing them alone any way.

All in all, I'm not doing bad as such, I'm just causing problems for myself really.

Here begins  Furry and I's collaborative growth drive, with this 3-part introduction.
From now on and until next month, we'll be taking donations to fund our trip to this year's Eurofurence, from hotel to plane tickets to food and maybe even souvenirs.

Help us have a blast, and for every dollar we collect, the three characters on the podium will grow!
Every week, we'll tally up the donations, and for each dollar received, each character will be drawn gaining 1% mass! And this being Furry and I, you know it'll mostly be muscle mass.

Money is to be sent as a gift on Paypal to the following: phurreh(at)gmail(dot)com
Do not add any message or anything.

There is no voting for who gets the beef, everyone's a winner in here, there is no contest, just good old muscle growth.
Thanks in advance for those who contribute financially, and hope everyone will enjoy the ride.


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Rey done a documentary about how Francesca came to be, the link is in the description under the image

http://bioshin26.deviantart.com/art.....esca-668482667

Added stress and depression has forced me to close down my commission section, until I put it up again, please do not ask me for commission, you'll be disappointed.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7834952/

Seems it was the mother board and not have to figure out what to do, my friend will try to see what options I have.
It'll cost me money either way, but I hope it'll get better, or I'll have to force myself to use patreon. Not sure how it works, when I get unemployment and have to sign something on patreon to collect money. I guess I'll have to ask around how they do it.

... is because I don't have a work computer, some time ago, some weeks, my computer's usb ports didn't seem to work right.
I had a friend look it over and he came to the conclusion it's either the power supply not giving enough power or the motherboard.
I bought a new power supply and my friend will come over and look the computer over again, if it doesn't work, then it's the mother board and will have to start looking for a new machine.

Okay, got home yesterday, but wanted things to settle down first.
A few things happen, meeting people, got sick and drawing.

First day, had a carry on, which some sketch pads, markers and pencils, with the guide book you get when getting your badges for the con.
The opening ceremony was nice, a lot of flash and humour, having the opener be a signer that looks like Freddie Mercury. Afterwards they presented with theme music from 80s shows, Alf, A-team, Golden Girls and so on.
Walked around for a bit, getting used to the hotel, went to Creature Creating, was nice, how an artist did creatures based of photos of animals and things, like tools, boats and such, changing it into monsters, dragons or what ever might be interesting.
The real point was using things from real life, drawing over it to learn how it works and using for yourself now or later, it's fine. "Using Reference isn't a sin, it's a help" kind of deal.


Second day went to Your First Furry Meeting, about how to conduct yourself, on the con and people in Fur Suits, with a little humour, so it wasn't too dry, was nice really.
While walking around, had a small suit case that had wheels on it, it help a lot compared to the other day. Should have gone with that first.
Sadly it was the start of the day where I felt getting sick and it is not unusually when travelling to other countries, that I get sick.
Went to the Art Show, some really nice prices they auctioned of, but couldn't carry your bags around, have a camera in or a mobile out for art theft.
Then went to the Dealer Den, nice work and such, but can't really decide on what to get, the usual for me.
Got to meet  Manthomex there, talked a little bit, shared some drawings and even got to hang out a few times.
Saw Gideon too, but could figure out what to talk to him about, so just left him alone. He had a glass with money in it, that had a sign stuck to it with the text "Get Gideon Drunk".
Wish I could tell a good deal or what is nice to get, later I lost out on some things I might have wanted.
Happens almost every time. Not to mention the Artist Lounge is frigging cold, so when I wasn't walking around, sweating cats and dogs, I would sit in a room that would freeze my ears off.


Before going to the convention on the third day, went to the pharmacy and got some cold medicine.
When arrived to the hotel where the convention was held on the third day, went to Your Virtual Reality Future, small talk about how VR came to be and how it can used for the future, and letting people try out Viva and Oculars Rift.
Didn't do much else then going to the Art Show, went to the Artist Lounge and just walking around.


Fourth was just making sure wasn't missing anything in the Art Show, Artist Alley or the Dealer Den.
The put up a set of rules to what happens in the Dealer Den, that mostly don't notice, especially the part about 10 minutes before closing, they aren't letting any new people in, which meant if you commissioned someone or left something in there, you can't get in till they go out, doesn't matter if you have a reason or not.
Don't see the rule in the book, so it's rather disappointing, but nothing I would feel too serious down unless I had something in the there I really really wanted and good thing I didn't.
Thing were slower down compared to the days, nothing unusual there for most conventions.
The second and third days are usually the most busy.


There was some things and events on the last day, but wanted to stay in, so I could get better and leave in better health when flying home. Just watched TV and drew a little.


I think I missed out on a good deal of people and well only installed a program on the third day, sorry about that. Still hope they had a good time.
Some groups did their own events, pasting posters about time and such, missed most of those, only went to one, that wasn't really for me and mainly Fursuits and people taking pictures.


Seems I struggle drawing on paper, not to mention some markers I have are dried up. So mostly sketched and did some clean lines with mechanical pencils.
I guess it was good enough for just gifts or such.
Was asked why I didn't try a table, either in the Dealer Den or Artist Alley, but while sketching, I was too slow to think I can make anything of it and I feel I would hold up on people, either those whom wanted a drawing or those whom could use the table better then me.


All in all, it was a nice trip, even if I was sick. Will see if I go again or even get a table.

Not long before https://www.eurofurence.org/EF22/ starts, little over a month.
Not sure if other people on my watchlist is going, but Furry is coming and curious if getting to see http://www.furaffinity.net/user/manthomex/

Other then roaming and hoping find interesting art and merch, not sure what else to do if the convention doesn't fill out the whole time, but I guess a lot can happen in Berlin. Just don't hope it's too bad ^^; Mainly speak English, so will see her far it carries.

Going to see if I can draw and take pictures too, but don't have the best tourist abilities when it comes to pictures.

Also have to visit the doctor, just to have some things checked on.

Still drawing, but feeling insecure about posting, even having streams without telling people ^^;

Going to http://www.eurofurence.org/EF22/
Trying to figure out how to get there, where to stay or even how to get around, since I get Dutch a little, but not enough to make myself clear.
I have been suggested some hotels, but have to figure out how to contact them from here and overall cost.
Have already bought the tickets, so that should be done with.



At the moment, mostly avoid people, stressed me out I had to close down chats and other ways people could contact me.
Might have to find a way to set up a message system that is easier for me to sort,

Well removed the malware, but had to reinstall everything and lost some things, like my brush tools.
Only thing that is good,t hat stopped the malware before it got to my work files, but that's about it.

Trying to figure out how to move and from the looks of it, it won't be anything impressive or good.
I guess it's something, since unemployed people do have limitations, but the feeling of being closed in from different direction seem there.

Seems saving money now is important, so have to try and not spend on games, books, comics, sodas, commissioning or such.
Mainly feel stressed, but tend to do that very easy, if it has to do with my character or asperger, don't know.

Being put into a program that is suppose to help me either find work, being social or finding a home. But I think the social part has been removed, because don't really go and do social things, just not my nature.

As for work, could be anything and for how ever long I can handle it, but it's unclear what that entitles.

Finding a home, means what is within my means, which isn't very much from the income I collect.

After a friend looking the computer over and used some programs, like MalwareBytes, the computer should be clean again.
Here is a different issue, while the virus has been removed, majority of my image, text, video and text files have been encrypted, so can't access to them.
It has messed up some of my programs, but nothing that can't be fixed.

I am currently using my tablet to write this.
My computer is currently effected by a virus, ransomware to be more accurate.
It change many of my files to CCC and doesn't matter if I change the file name, the file become nonsense.
It also changed my browsers and chat programs, so can get on.
Until it has been removed and my files saved, I can't chat with anyone or other regular activities.
Can not even draw.
Just letting people know and sorry for the trouble I caused people, like people I need to do work for.

I wish to thank each and everyone one for commenting and coming with advice on my previous journal entry, there are very insightful and and I'll try to get around to comment to each one.
Still not very good an answering things, trying to not repeat my replies.
Again, I'm touched so many gave time and effort in commenting, thank you.



In other unrelated news, been trying to look into http://www.eurofurence.org/EF21/, if it could be worth going, but don't know anything about it and don't know anyone going, beside  manthomex and we haven't talked much and I think he is there to sell his works.
It's sort of pricey when entrance fee is 110 Euro, not counting travelling from Denmark to Berlin, hotel rooms or even from the hotel to the con, so have to very sure.

Long rant, so can disregard with journal entry if not interested in such, no major news in it.






Well I have a tendency to unload on people, especially at night and it got me thinking; would it be best if people cut connection to me, since I can't imagine it being good for them.

A bad tendency with artists is that we like to have pity parties and I think most are aware, but do it any way because it's either habits, padding or bad mindset.

I've often, if not always, consider my existence harmful or disappoint to everyone I know and around me. Not that I don't look for people to talk with, it's human nature, but might be a destructive nature.
Recently got some papers from I meeting I was add, that list up things about what they mean and thing about me and lets sad, you could use a post-it note for what they consider positive about me and used over 2 pages the negative statements they have. It has to do with how competent they believe me to be to get work or me living on my own, so usually paper work that drags things along.
Being pushed to a 5 year plan that I try different internships to determine how much work I can handle, what co-workers think of me working and so on. It's not a bad plan and it might work, but again, can't get myself optimistic and can't see anything wrong with the plan, so just have to bare with it.
Might dig myself deeper into negative things that is in it then positive, but again, bad habits that makes things harder for myself, do I don't think I'll disagree with what they say or blame anyone for it.
In the end, it's my problems, can't ask or won't ask people to help me with it, as said, no benefits from their side and shouldn't waste time on it.

It's also been on of the reason that it's hard for me to start anything lately, because it's hard to tell what is worth or if it'll ever be good enough. Even reading notes have gotten harder or chatting with people, seems to add more stress then it should, even if it's just greetings or best wishes. Scared most of the time and worried. Again, bad habits and it's also noted in the paper.

So if people ask or wonder how I'm doing, physically, it's okay but don't move much or eat much, so could be better and don't starve or freeze, so not dying as such. Mentally, don't think it'll be ever all right, if it's how I am, as they say from the psychologies and shrinks I have meet with, don't know, still feel it's something I've done to myself, just not sure how.
Even if I go on vacation, I can't put away the worries and when half a week or such before going home, I stress myself up in great deal.

So that is what I have on my mind lately and I think it's something that will stick on my mind for a long time, is my existence poisonous to people around me or am I the poison to myself, can't tell, could be both really, and being me, I feel it's likely is.

Long rant and sorry about that, don't have to take it serious or not, but it's just a few things on my mind.

Almost time to go, will be leaving on the 23 and stay in London for 8 days.

Not sure what me and the folks will see, beside Buckingham Palace and little of Sherlock Holmes museum, plans when travelling with people I guess.

Nothing thought provoking update, but just an update.

Still planning on what to do and see in London, since travelling with my parents, we are likely going to see Buckingham Palace, and I would like to try and find some comic book stores and Sherlock Holmes Museum and what else we can figure out. Likely buy a guide or look on the net for things.


Would still like to go to MCM, but I don't know the difference between "Advance Priority Entry" and "Advance General Entry", so will have to ask around
http://www.mcmexpostore.com/collect.....ndon-comic-con

Other than that, for some reason, been having less and less energy lately, if it's the heat or lack of movement, since out dog died. Don't know, doesn't seem motivating to exercise because you want to, but because others want to.

Some have asked me to do comics and such, but not sure what to answer them, don't want to give them false hope that I can, since I haven't found a method that works, or because I'm too critical, not to mention pricing.

Might be able to be at MCM Comic Con in London on the last day, but never been to it once and don't know if there are anything to look out for or do.
I guess can't say if I never been, I haven't lost anything by not going, but makes me curious.
My problems is that I don't know how to get there from my hotel, since I don't know or understand the traffic plan in London or where it's being held.
Makes me curious if I could meet artist there related to my interests, but don't think there is any I know from DA going to it.

Other than that, seems it's very very hard to get my mood up lately, seems I lost myself in why I am doing art, since it seems I mostly do work for others and I've felt less and less trust towards myself and finding more and more reason to why I do things are wrong, be it art and outside.
I guess another problem is I don't go for walks any more since my dog died, but feel it's rather boring and tedious, mostly doing it for other people then my own, don't get the feeling of being happy or at least register it.

My father was in the hospital last week for coughing 10 days and was talked into by my mother to go to the doctor. Good thing too, because his lungs and liver was infected and was told it could had been fatal.
Not the best thing to happen while on holiday.
My father doesn't like doctors, I guess in the same way I don't like needles.
He is home again, taking prescribed medicine and going back for a check up in two weeks.

While my parents are on holiday, my brother is staying with us and he has some bad habits, like the stove is a mess from grease that he doesn't clean up and things that needs cleaning up, like dishes, pots and pans.
It sort of adds stress that he takes things without asking, like I had bought 4 ice creams and before I could count 10, he had eaten 3 of them. Same if I candy somewhere, unless I keep them in my room, he'll take them and eat without asking. If he only asked, I wouldn't be as bothered.

Oh well, it's not all bad, still eat and drink(when I remember or have drive), have heat and take showers. Have to chew through commission list, but it's my own frustrations that seems to get in the way of those, instead of them being hard or such.
For now, it's bad to do comics or webcomics for me, because can't find an idea to settle or story to go on with, so that is killed.

Just your basic rant journal, something I wanted to get out with. Nothing serious or something to take serious I think, just letting know what goes on and don't usually use journals, facebook or such, so it's not easy to keep up to date with.

For people whom are on my waiting for finishing their commission, this is a journal for you.

Whom want their work to be streamed finished?
Also doing it because my noting system is such a mess, can hardly find anything, will have to find a better system.

Might have to do them per email next time I open for commissions.

I had to post this a second time, because don't think people saw the first one, FA was updated at the time perhaps or something else, but lets try again.

If the commissioners I have on my list could give me some details or something they want change, please tell me in this journal so I know where they are

For people whom are on my waiting for finishing their commission, this is a journal for you.

Whom want their work to be streamed finished?
Also doing it because my noting system is such a mess, can hardly find anything, will have to find a better system.

I'll try to do some commission work next week or at least start some. Mostly take two at a time.

I mean I have some in waiting, so trying to finish those, before opening new ones.

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Commission prices http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13135218/