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I Wrote A Long Journal
Posted 7 years agoSo I don't want that taking up so much goddam space on my homepage!!! So here's this. To not take up so much space
Nice to meet you!
(shit did we already meet)
Eeeeey, good to see you again!
Cheers
Nice to meet you!
(shit did we already meet)
Eeeeey, good to see you again!
Cheers
A Brief Reflection on Hobbies
Posted 8 years agoSo I seem to have hit a point when I no longer have much in terms of "free time" as various priorities begin to sort themselves out into every spot they can find. I'm happy to still have time to eat and take a breather, but I can no longer be "productive" with hobbies as I used to be or dreamed to be. 3 seem to have gone into a temporary hiatus: Video Games, Film, and Composition.
The former two are of a lesser priority here. Games help me be "productive" socially and itch my first-person reflexes that I've built for most of my life, but I get too obsessed with them and can only indulge over long breaks. The social part is interesting since I can be in touch with a few I'm close with in real life and over different communication apps, but we'll have to see the state of things for those who I was only acquaintances with; we'll have forgotten each other entirely or encountered as buddies from elementary school, hardly recognizable. I've had to be social elsewhere to keep any kind of connections, but games were definitely easier. Tis a shame....
I had some projects in mind to help with organizing films into categories of those I enjoy and those others do or might in order to see any patterns to reveal a grand objective form of what makes a good film, but those quickly got out of hand before even beginning. Now, I indulge simply to immerse myself in a world of art and craftsmanship to enjoy the value I find in my own snobbish way. To see as many films as I desire though (my god, so many came out at TIFF from this year alone) would take up a considerable amount of time. I think I'll be successful over a long period of time, but I just want to see them now!! I want to be snobbishly cultured faster....
And then composition. Just as most artists, I'm sure I can make my break in composition if I tried extremely hard, but it would take way more effort than I'm putting forth at the moment. I still occasionally improvise to find lovely little motifs I can play off later, but those are quick and spontaneous enough to do at any time. To sit down and bring a full composition into a satisfying completeness is still a challenge, and I think it'll only get easier if I work on it as if it were a profession (a catch 22?).
I may end up considering composition as more than a hobby relatively soon though. I've become pessimistic towards musical performance as a career to seek in grad school since I've begun to consider it to be more appropriate as a hobby. To interpret seems to be intrinsically lower than to create (an original), and I don't think I'll be satisfied with having a legacy of "interpretation". I can't imagine it lasts for any great length of time. I'd be stuck in a similar conundrum since performance is what I live for currently, so to delegate it to the status of a hobby where it won't get a healthy amount of sun seems just as unsatisfying in the short term.
Oh well
The former two are of a lesser priority here. Games help me be "productive" socially and itch my first-person reflexes that I've built for most of my life, but I get too obsessed with them and can only indulge over long breaks. The social part is interesting since I can be in touch with a few I'm close with in real life and over different communication apps, but we'll have to see the state of things for those who I was only acquaintances with; we'll have forgotten each other entirely or encountered as buddies from elementary school, hardly recognizable. I've had to be social elsewhere to keep any kind of connections, but games were definitely easier. Tis a shame....
I had some projects in mind to help with organizing films into categories of those I enjoy and those others do or might in order to see any patterns to reveal a grand objective form of what makes a good film, but those quickly got out of hand before even beginning. Now, I indulge simply to immerse myself in a world of art and craftsmanship to enjoy the value I find in my own snobbish way. To see as many films as I desire though (my god, so many came out at TIFF from this year alone) would take up a considerable amount of time. I think I'll be successful over a long period of time, but I just want to see them now!! I want to be snobbishly cultured faster....
And then composition. Just as most artists, I'm sure I can make my break in composition if I tried extremely hard, but it would take way more effort than I'm putting forth at the moment. I still occasionally improvise to find lovely little motifs I can play off later, but those are quick and spontaneous enough to do at any time. To sit down and bring a full composition into a satisfying completeness is still a challenge, and I think it'll only get easier if I work on it as if it were a profession (a catch 22?).
I may end up considering composition as more than a hobby relatively soon though. I've become pessimistic towards musical performance as a career to seek in grad school since I've begun to consider it to be more appropriate as a hobby. To interpret seems to be intrinsically lower than to create (an original), and I don't think I'll be satisfied with having a legacy of "interpretation". I can't imagine it lasts for any great length of time. I'd be stuck in a similar conundrum since performance is what I live for currently, so to delegate it to the status of a hobby where it won't get a healthy amount of sun seems just as unsatisfying in the short term.
Oh well
Turning 21, Let's Make It A Critical Stage
Posted 9 years agoIt's weird letting time fly by me. I've been on this website for one and a half years and I've done nothing to be a part of this awesome community that could probably do me so much good. There's so many people I've wanted to greet and talk to here, but I never got around to it. So many songs I've had in my head that I've never bothered to expand upon. So many events...
There's no reason to pick this day, this 'significant' milestone, but I need to start somewhere. Unhappiness and doubt won't just pass on by like a storm, it's going to take my own personal initiative to bring back the sun. I don't care what it takes, I can strive to be that grossly incandescent too!! What other purpose could we have other than that?
I constantly recognize signs that others are experiencing existence (even now, I know of many who are glad to share how they're 21 and celebrate, but I only see it as appropriate for them), and I get this sharp pain that would probably reflect a despair that fate's gonna let me bleed out, but in the back of my head, I'm well aware of how I'm causing my own suffering, an irony which definitely adds to my confusion. If I had the Right Stuff, I'd be able to maneuver no matter how restrictive the circumstances have become.
It's through action that I will find myself. To use a final long and convoluted metaphor, if I'm hungry, I have to go look for food. It seems rather unusual to sit where I am and starve believing there's no food in the world.
"I'm sick of this" "Alright, do something about it"
There's no reason to pick this day, this 'significant' milestone, but I need to start somewhere. Unhappiness and doubt won't just pass on by like a storm, it's going to take my own personal initiative to bring back the sun. I don't care what it takes, I can strive to be that grossly incandescent too!! What other purpose could we have other than that?
I constantly recognize signs that others are experiencing existence (even now, I know of many who are glad to share how they're 21 and celebrate, but I only see it as appropriate for them), and I get this sharp pain that would probably reflect a despair that fate's gonna let me bleed out, but in the back of my head, I'm well aware of how I'm causing my own suffering, an irony which definitely adds to my confusion. If I had the Right Stuff, I'd be able to maneuver no matter how restrictive the circumstances have become.
It's through action that I will find myself. To use a final long and convoluted metaphor, if I'm hungry, I have to go look for food. It seems rather unusual to sit where I am and starve believing there's no food in the world.
"I'm sick of this" "Alright, do something about it"
