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Update: Oct 27th 2023
Posted 2 years agoI don't often write these so if things seem scattered or out of sorts... I hope you, the reader, will understand. There will be some jumping around from last journal in 2014 since a lot happened in the 10+ years.
It's 2023... and after 20 years of working for a company, 2 years of being on disability, and 1 year of being on the job hunt... I'm back to work. Life has been good and the job is nice. Really gives my mind something to work on, but like all things there is good and bad things associated with it. It consumes time, something that my time on disability and without a job felt i had too much of and now i feel i never have enough (the irony wasn't lost there). I am straightening out things like bills and budgets, but I'm running into the same problems that a lot of people I've talked to say they are having: people being unreliable, people taking forever to do things, etc. Nothing like telling a bank that "hey don't pay this anymore. I've cancelled it 2 times and they refuse to do so..." only to have the said bank keep paying it 2 weeks later. On the up side... I have a wonderful group of friends and loved ones who have supported me all this time. To them I can't say thanks enough... my lovely pet :Raven999666: and my mistress :jellydoeopal: I am truly gratefully for all your support and love over these times. I honestly wish i could do more for these two. To my friends... Thank you for your best wishes.
2023 has brought many good things into my life, but also... a lot of bad. A few friends, both furry and not, have left this world. To them, I say, you are missed. Some people who I saw as a friend... turned enemy and left me hurt through their actions. Though the path may be gone a different way and bridge may be burnt, I hold no grudge against them. I neither have time to linger on the past beyond learning from it nor the desire to let such events drag down my future or my mood. I wish them best in their lives and now see them in a clearer picture.
My health has had it's ups and downs... from a debilitating shoulder injury that eventually made me "unfit" to do my job of 20 years to just a sudden cold that just hit me as the latest person to get it in the office (which luckily isn't COVID). I'm still feeling rather blessed in the few times I've been sick... with the number of people i know who have gotten sick with something like COVID to cancer... I feel that I've dodged the worst of it or at least been strong enough, immune wise, to not even notice if I had anything. Mentally, I've gone through a lot. Between PTSD from events surrounding my former job and an altercation that got way out of hand with a former co-worker to depression due to me coming to grips with being suddenly unable to do things that i once did due to the work injury that left me partly disabled, to the loneliness of COVID social distancing and isolation... I've managed and thanks a lot to the two mentioned earlier for their part in keeping me together in those times.
In those years of being disabled, I have been able to find ways to help others. In Destiny 2, I was a sherpa for my clan (i have since retired due to me returning to work and not having the time). I won gold medals in online events... and have become more decorated then my wall can display. I miss those simple times of getting up and logging on to run with my Aussie friends. It's almost like i was a kid again... minus the trauma of childhood in my family life. I was fortunate enough to get a Jeep Wrangler in 2017. Unfortunately, in an attempt to avoid a head on collision with someone in my lane, I went down an embankment and rolled it. Got a new Jeep Wrangler Sahara ("Ivy" is her name)... and honestly have been happy with it. I say it's treated me better then a few of my Exs... It's only a joke but it has treated me pretty nice all the same. I use to visit a coffee house that was down the block, even sang at some of the "open mic" events and often would volunteer to help from time to time to help pass time and keep me active. Unfortunately it closed after the land lord that owned the building allowed mold to take over the building and there was health concerns due to it. A lot of good memories there at the coffeehouse. I'd get breakfast and do some random art of my Ipad. nothing commissioned... just some random thing that would come to my mind and then embellish on it. Example I started with something you'd see a street artist would do with spray cans, like a moon, and by the time I was done I had a full foggy forest with trees and such... Good times.
As an artist... I've put my pen down for the most part. yea, I occasionally will get the desire to draw something or an idea will inspire me to do something, but shoulder injury and resulting pain just was too much especially with me returning to work. One door opens... another closes I guess. Playing bass guitar has been a great deal and with my former soundman leaving to do sound for a new venue, I've been put in the roll of that too. I'm not the all-star guitar player I wanted to be, but I still love the bass and knowing that I give songs that fuller, more rich tone... even if all eyes aren't on me. All things considered I guess that's alright... I never was one for the lime light. Preferred to be the one in the background and being depended on to make others look good. A "servant's heart" as someone once told me.
Anyways... that is, for the most part, the cliff notes on the last ten or more years... Keep your head up. I promise I am not gone. XD
It's 2023... and after 20 years of working for a company, 2 years of being on disability, and 1 year of being on the job hunt... I'm back to work. Life has been good and the job is nice. Really gives my mind something to work on, but like all things there is good and bad things associated with it. It consumes time, something that my time on disability and without a job felt i had too much of and now i feel i never have enough (the irony wasn't lost there). I am straightening out things like bills and budgets, but I'm running into the same problems that a lot of people I've talked to say they are having: people being unreliable, people taking forever to do things, etc. Nothing like telling a bank that "hey don't pay this anymore. I've cancelled it 2 times and they refuse to do so..." only to have the said bank keep paying it 2 weeks later. On the up side... I have a wonderful group of friends and loved ones who have supported me all this time. To them I can't say thanks enough... my lovely pet :Raven999666: and my mistress :jellydoeopal: I am truly gratefully for all your support and love over these times. I honestly wish i could do more for these two. To my friends... Thank you for your best wishes.
2023 has brought many good things into my life, but also... a lot of bad. A few friends, both furry and not, have left this world. To them, I say, you are missed. Some people who I saw as a friend... turned enemy and left me hurt through their actions. Though the path may be gone a different way and bridge may be burnt, I hold no grudge against them. I neither have time to linger on the past beyond learning from it nor the desire to let such events drag down my future or my mood. I wish them best in their lives and now see them in a clearer picture.
My health has had it's ups and downs... from a debilitating shoulder injury that eventually made me "unfit" to do my job of 20 years to just a sudden cold that just hit me as the latest person to get it in the office (which luckily isn't COVID). I'm still feeling rather blessed in the few times I've been sick... with the number of people i know who have gotten sick with something like COVID to cancer... I feel that I've dodged the worst of it or at least been strong enough, immune wise, to not even notice if I had anything. Mentally, I've gone through a lot. Between PTSD from events surrounding my former job and an altercation that got way out of hand with a former co-worker to depression due to me coming to grips with being suddenly unable to do things that i once did due to the work injury that left me partly disabled, to the loneliness of COVID social distancing and isolation... I've managed and thanks a lot to the two mentioned earlier for their part in keeping me together in those times.
In those years of being disabled, I have been able to find ways to help others. In Destiny 2, I was a sherpa for my clan (i have since retired due to me returning to work and not having the time). I won gold medals in online events... and have become more decorated then my wall can display. I miss those simple times of getting up and logging on to run with my Aussie friends. It's almost like i was a kid again... minus the trauma of childhood in my family life. I was fortunate enough to get a Jeep Wrangler in 2017. Unfortunately, in an attempt to avoid a head on collision with someone in my lane, I went down an embankment and rolled it. Got a new Jeep Wrangler Sahara ("Ivy" is her name)... and honestly have been happy with it. I say it's treated me better then a few of my Exs... It's only a joke but it has treated me pretty nice all the same. I use to visit a coffee house that was down the block, even sang at some of the "open mic" events and often would volunteer to help from time to time to help pass time and keep me active. Unfortunately it closed after the land lord that owned the building allowed mold to take over the building and there was health concerns due to it. A lot of good memories there at the coffeehouse. I'd get breakfast and do some random art of my Ipad. nothing commissioned... just some random thing that would come to my mind and then embellish on it. Example I started with something you'd see a street artist would do with spray cans, like a moon, and by the time I was done I had a full foggy forest with trees and such... Good times.
As an artist... I've put my pen down for the most part. yea, I occasionally will get the desire to draw something or an idea will inspire me to do something, but shoulder injury and resulting pain just was too much especially with me returning to work. One door opens... another closes I guess. Playing bass guitar has been a great deal and with my former soundman leaving to do sound for a new venue, I've been put in the roll of that too. I'm not the all-star guitar player I wanted to be, but I still love the bass and knowing that I give songs that fuller, more rich tone... even if all eyes aren't on me. All things considered I guess that's alright... I never was one for the lime light. Preferred to be the one in the background and being depended on to make others look good. A "servant's heart" as someone once told me.
Anyways... that is, for the most part, the cliff notes on the last ten or more years... Keep your head up. I promise I am not gone. XD
2014 in review... wake me up when it's over.
Posted 10 years agoOk this like many other things will probably just get lost and nuked by so many... but for me 2014 was a rollercoaster. while good things like me finally paying off a long time credit card balance and seeing the light on my car loan were very positive... i also had lost two women i was very close to as a child... my grandmothers. It wouldn't be so bad them passing away... considering that they both were in poor health and it gives me some comfort to know they aren't suffering. Just the timing left me with a 'what is the chance of this happening' moment. the morning of my birthday i got out of work (i work the night shift) and was ready to see the barrage of 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' text messages... as i paged through them one was out of place. one from my mother... FAR too late at night for her. It was then that i found out my grandmother had passed away. a similar situation happened around christmas... my other grandmother passed at an hour after midnight the day after christmas. i hadn't even gotten to bed when i found out. a few days later... my own life was nearly taken when a drunk driver drove on to a highway... into oncoming traffic's lane. I may not know how long he was there, but i know that he couldn't have just jumped the middle line. guard rails and concrete barriers made that difficult... but this lights were pointed right at me. how we missed each other i have no idea... i just closed my eyes, mumbled 'jesus' and white knuckled it waiting for the sound of busting glass, crunching metal and sickening body being mangled sounds. nothing... not a sound. i opened my eyes to see his tail lights in my rear view. I'm glad to be alive... but i still miss my grandparents. to anyone who feels that they have all the time in the world, take my advice and live each moment like it's your last. you never know when you will see those headlights coming for you and you won't have a moment for regrets.
Rant: Commissions and Me
Posted 13 years agoCommissions. let me see if i get this right. someone pays someone to draw them a commission (either in full or part when started and part when complete) and the artist draws it. This is how it is suppost to go, right? well seems i got the short end of the stick. now before i get the drama police knocking on my door, i want it clear THIS IS A RANT! and by reading it... you understand it's my opinion and me venting for someone else's stupidity.
I normally don't get angry on delays, but i do get upset (note the choice of words. i don't get angry) when i pay (in part or in whole) and the work never gets completed. Now most people might have this happen to them once and those people know it sucks. unfortunately this is happening to me several times in a row and i am to the point that i just about gave up on the whole commission idea. Now I am sure there are gonna be people who say "well i always complete my commissions" and to those people i say "thank you" and i mean it. I am greatful there are honest people out there, but what kills me is that i pay someone (with a means that they and I agreed upon) and then months and even years later... a partial incomplete piece of work (or worst nothing at all). as an artist i understand that you desearve to get paid for your work and as a customer i understand that i expect work to be done to my expectation. the thing that has my fur on end is that the last couple commissions i had done... never got done. one i don't think ever got started! i understand artists are busy people and i am sure i was put on a list. i also am not one of those people who check up every other day to see if it's done. i may at most check up on it's status once a month (if that). though i have to admit i got alot smarter after the first time i got burned. i paid in full and then they decided they weren't gonna do it. i decided that i would pay a portion up front and the rest after. still got burned at least 2 more times. People wonder why i decided to only do a commission if it inspires me and i never charge them. it's gift art dedicated to them. my payment is the inspiration and the experience.
So why the rant? i have four reasons. one i want to thank the honest artists for giving me a reason to have hope in the system. two, cause i hope those who i commissioned will read this and go "oh yea... crud." three, to those who read this as a warning. BUYER BEWARE! four, cause it makes me feel a whole lot better... any questions?
I normally don't get angry on delays, but i do get upset (note the choice of words. i don't get angry) when i pay (in part or in whole) and the work never gets completed. Now most people might have this happen to them once and those people know it sucks. unfortunately this is happening to me several times in a row and i am to the point that i just about gave up on the whole commission idea. Now I am sure there are gonna be people who say "well i always complete my commissions" and to those people i say "thank you" and i mean it. I am greatful there are honest people out there, but what kills me is that i pay someone (with a means that they and I agreed upon) and then months and even years later... a partial incomplete piece of work (or worst nothing at all). as an artist i understand that you desearve to get paid for your work and as a customer i understand that i expect work to be done to my expectation. the thing that has my fur on end is that the last couple commissions i had done... never got done. one i don't think ever got started! i understand artists are busy people and i am sure i was put on a list. i also am not one of those people who check up every other day to see if it's done. i may at most check up on it's status once a month (if that). though i have to admit i got alot smarter after the first time i got burned. i paid in full and then they decided they weren't gonna do it. i decided that i would pay a portion up front and the rest after. still got burned at least 2 more times. People wonder why i decided to only do a commission if it inspires me and i never charge them. it's gift art dedicated to them. my payment is the inspiration and the experience.
So why the rant? i have four reasons. one i want to thank the honest artists for giving me a reason to have hope in the system. two, cause i hope those who i commissioned will read this and go "oh yea... crud." three, to those who read this as a warning. BUYER BEWARE! four, cause it makes me feel a whole lot better... any questions?
Uncomfortable Quiz?
Posted 13 years agostolen from 
ksharra
normally i don't do quizzes but this one caught my attention. if you learn a thing or two about me then yay. if it inspires art... let me know. and of course... PORN!
What color are your underwear/panties?
white
Do they have a design?
Nope.
Girls, what color is your bra?
N/A
Is there a design?
N/A
What color are your socks?
Black
Is there a design on them?
No
Are you a virgin?
Nope.
Happy that way?
Is that a trick question?
What is your favorite sex position?
Doggy-style both givng and recieveing ;)
What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
Bi-Sexual or pansexual depending if i am on sl or not.
Do you look at hentai?
Used to. does furry porn count... if so then i still do.
Real porn?
not really.
Do you read smutty/porn stories?
occasionally. i find expanding my vocab beyond "OH GOD YES!" is a welcomed benefit to me screaming "oh god yes!!!"
Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
Depends if you consider herm on male porn gay?
Who was your first kiss with?
My first girlfriend... which also came with her spreding nasty rumors and the future breakup the next day.
Are they of the opposite sex?
Yes.
Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
yes and no, but i did sleep with a rl herm once. rawr!
Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
yes, but not at the current moment when this quiz was taken.
Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
negative. never had the courage to do so at the same time i had the money to do so.
If so, where?
n/a
Do you have any tattoos?
No, but like piercing things never seem to pan out when i decided to so.
If so, where?
n/a
Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
Nope. have no plans to and probably never will.
Ever done any illegal drugs?
Yes, but thats a loooong story.
If so, which ones?
Marijuana... and others which will remain unannounced.
Have you ever cheated on someone?
No, not intentionally. had cases where someone said i was cheating on them but i was under the impression that we had broke up already.
Ever been cheated on?
Yes and i have become numb to it now.
Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
nope never.
Do you own any sex toys?
Yes and had some 'dissappear' over my time
Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
RL no, but i had some fantasies on second life about a sister of mine. ;)
Have you ever masturbated?
Do i REALLY have to tell you that? i mean come on. Lonely guy never had a girlfriend till he was 21? do i need to spell it out for you?
Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
Yes.
Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
No, but wish i had.
Are you on any form of birth control (the pill, the patch, etc)?
no, should i?
Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
yes, but i have kept it to myself due to copyright reasons ;)
Do you swear in front of your parents?
yes, i swear like a sailor.
Do they care?
yes, but i don't. I have no religious affiliation to them and i have my right to freedom of speach. they don't like it... they can F*ck themselves.
Are you uncomfortable yet?
No, are you?
Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
Hmm... define freewill? if i am of freewill why does it seem like so much stuff (good and bad) happens to me with no apparent reason or action on my part affecting it?
ksharranormally i don't do quizzes but this one caught my attention. if you learn a thing or two about me then yay. if it inspires art... let me know. and of course... PORN!
What color are your underwear/panties?
white
Do they have a design?
Nope.
Girls, what color is your bra?
N/A
Is there a design?
N/A
What color are your socks?
Black
Is there a design on them?
No
Are you a virgin?
Nope.
Happy that way?
Is that a trick question?
What is your favorite sex position?
Doggy-style both givng and recieveing ;)
What is your sexuality/sexual orientation/What the fuck do you consider yourself?
Bi-Sexual or pansexual depending if i am on sl or not.
Do you look at hentai?
Used to. does furry porn count... if so then i still do.
Real porn?
not really.
Do you read smutty/porn stories?
occasionally. i find expanding my vocab beyond "OH GOD YES!" is a welcomed benefit to me screaming "oh god yes!!!"
Do you read/watch/look at gay porn/hentai/stories?
Depends if you consider herm on male porn gay?
Who was your first kiss with?
My first girlfriend... which also came with her spreding nasty rumors and the future breakup the next day.
Are they of the opposite sex?
Yes.
Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
yes and no, but i did sleep with a rl herm once. rawr!
Is there any one of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?
yes, but not at the current moment when this quiz was taken.
Do you have any piercings other than your ears?
negative. never had the courage to do so at the same time i had the money to do so.
If so, where?
n/a
Do you have any tattoos?
No, but like piercing things never seem to pan out when i decided to so.
If so, where?
n/a
Have you ever been pregnant/got a girl pregnant?
Nope. have no plans to and probably never will.
Ever done any illegal drugs?
Yes, but thats a loooong story.
If so, which ones?
Marijuana... and others which will remain unannounced.
Have you ever cheated on someone?
No, not intentionally. had cases where someone said i was cheating on them but i was under the impression that we had broke up already.
Ever been cheated on?
Yes and i have become numb to it now.
Have you ever been called a whore/slut?
nope never.
Do you own any sex toys?
Yes and had some 'dissappear' over my time
Have you ever had a sexual fantasy involving a relative?
RL no, but i had some fantasies on second life about a sister of mine. ;)
Have you ever masturbated?
Do i REALLY have to tell you that? i mean come on. Lonely guy never had a girlfriend till he was 21? do i need to spell it out for you?
Have you ever taken a naked picture of yourself?
Yes.
Have you ever taken a naked picture of someone else?
No, but wish i had.
Are you on any form of birth control (the pill, the patch, etc)?
no, should i?
Have you ever written/drawn smut/porn?
yes, but i have kept it to myself due to copyright reasons ;)
Do you swear in front of your parents?
yes, i swear like a sailor.
Do they care?
yes, but i don't. I have no religious affiliation to them and i have my right to freedom of speach. they don't like it... they can F*ck themselves.
Are you uncomfortable yet?
No, are you?
Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
Hmm... define freewill? if i am of freewill why does it seem like so much stuff (good and bad) happens to me with no apparent reason or action on my part affecting it?
Nice guys still finish last...
Posted 14 years ago♥To every guy that said, "Sex can wait"
♥To every guy that said, "You're beautiful"
♥To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her
♥To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down.
♥To every guy who has given her flowers just because thats how he rolls
♥To every guy that said he would die for her.
♥To every guy that really would.
♥To every guy that did what she wanted to die for
♥To every guy that cried in front of her...
♥To every guy that she cried in front of...
♥To every guy that holds hands with her.
♥To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
♥To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
♥To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
♥To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
♥To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
♥To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.
♥To every guy that would give his seat up..
♥To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
♥To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
♥To every guy who told his secrets to her.
♥To every guy that showed how much he cared through every word and every breath.
♥To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
♥To every guy that believed in her dreams.
♥To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them
♥To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
♥To every guy that walked her to her car and opened the door
♥To every guy that gave his heart.
♥To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.
Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore...
And because of this, there are not many left out there...
I guarantee 90% of the men on your page will not repost this cuz they care more about their image If you are a nice guy repost this with: "Nice guys STILL finish last " If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way repost this with: "To Every Guy"
♥To every guy that said, "You're beautiful"
♥To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her
♥To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down.
♥To every guy who has given her flowers just because thats how he rolls
♥To every guy that said he would die for her.
♥To every guy that really would.
♥To every guy that did what she wanted to die for
♥To every guy that cried in front of her...
♥To every guy that she cried in front of...
♥To every guy that holds hands with her.
♥To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
♥To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
♥To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
♥To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
♥To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
♥To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.
♥To every guy that would give his seat up..
♥To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
♥To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
♥To every guy who told his secrets to her.
♥To every guy that showed how much he cared through every word and every breath.
♥To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
♥To every guy that believed in her dreams.
♥To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them
♥To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
♥To every guy that walked her to her car and opened the door
♥To every guy that gave his heart.
♥To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.
Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore...
And because of this, there are not many left out there...
I guarantee 90% of the men on your page will not repost this cuz they care more about their image If you are a nice guy repost this with: "Nice guys STILL finish last " If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way repost this with: "To Every Guy"
