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The Fox and his Bees - Pt. 1
Posted 10 years agoSo! Well, I'm going to have bees starting from 2016. :)
And I'm soooooo excited about! I could write pages over pages. But lets stick to the essential stuff for now.
Bees aren't that new to me. Our neighbour had, until he died many years go, bees. Impressive 36 hives. In his Garden. So I kinda grew up with bees around. A lot. That's also the reason why I don't fear bees. I know what's okay and what pisses them off. (And you have to come up with a lot of massive provocation to piss the European Honey Bee off (carnica).)
At some point, three years ago, I felt for having some animals in my life/garden. A Dog was out of question. I lack of the (regular) time a Dog needs. I was thinking about a cat. But I'm often not at home for some days. This could require at least two cats so one isn't alone. I was pondering about ducks in the garden or maybe carrier pigeons. But that would also require a lot of time or cause problems with my garden.
Eventually, in January 2013, I visited an exhibition for agriculture and had a talk with the German Beekeepers Association. I think I already made my mind back then but I felt like I should not rush things. Bees are living beings. Not just a thing to put into the garden. They're not just something to buys and then see how it goes. In the end I made a deal with myself: I wait a year and see how my feeling towards the idea changes - if at all.
It didn't change. I still wanted Bees and the more I read and learned about the more I got hooked up. They fascinate me. On one side they're powerful while having a quite complex life. On the other hand they'so so fragile. In fact, with all the changes, poisons and imported diseases it's now impossible for Bees to survive without human care (even in the wild). The annualy schedule bees go through also matches good with my own schedule when it comes to outdoor activities.
But for two more years I couldn't have bees. There was, well, lets say I had circumstances in my life that forbid me to keep bees. In a almost literal way. Now that named circumstances are gone I went on and teh idea started to become reality. During the last couple of months I joined the Beekeepers Association, had a talk with neightbours, informed my insurance and etablished connections to other beekeepers.
I'm all bouncy about it now but also a bit afraid. There's a lot of theory in my mind but the reality looks different. But I know I can do it. The first years is going to be the hardest. There's so much to learn but I feel like I can do it. I always had a hand for animals and plants in my life so far. The first year so also going to be expensive. I mean it.
Of course I can make money with the honey and wax (like making candles from it) and sell both. I expect about 60-90Kg honey a year. It depends a bit on the year itself (weather/climate) and whether I like to feed the Bees during winther with their own honey or some substitute. This will at least cover my annual expenses. Insurance, replacement parts, etc.
Speaking of honey: I already signed in for an advanced training in honey production. When I pass I'm offically allowed to sell my honey under the label of the German Beekeppers Association. That also means that I'm allowed to use the officaial seal. Overall, I expect a lot of high quality honey. That fact that I live at the limits of a big city works in my favor. There's this stereotype about cities being toxic and dirty. But the reality shows that honey from cities comes with less to no impurities at all. Quite contary to Honey from the country side. The countryside uses toxins and pesticides. The city not. Also, Honey from cities comes with way more flavor. The reason can be found in the broader variety of flowers available. Also, since this city has large forests, I plan on having at least one hive in a forest nearby. Which means I get quality forest honey. :)
Like dear Nicola Tesla once said: see the excitement comming!
And I'm soooooo excited about! I could write pages over pages. But lets stick to the essential stuff for now.
Bees aren't that new to me. Our neighbour had, until he died many years go, bees. Impressive 36 hives. In his Garden. So I kinda grew up with bees around. A lot. That's also the reason why I don't fear bees. I know what's okay and what pisses them off. (And you have to come up with a lot of massive provocation to piss the European Honey Bee off (carnica).)
At some point, three years ago, I felt for having some animals in my life/garden. A Dog was out of question. I lack of the (regular) time a Dog needs. I was thinking about a cat. But I'm often not at home for some days. This could require at least two cats so one isn't alone. I was pondering about ducks in the garden or maybe carrier pigeons. But that would also require a lot of time or cause problems with my garden.
Eventually, in January 2013, I visited an exhibition for agriculture and had a talk with the German Beekeepers Association. I think I already made my mind back then but I felt like I should not rush things. Bees are living beings. Not just a thing to put into the garden. They're not just something to buys and then see how it goes. In the end I made a deal with myself: I wait a year and see how my feeling towards the idea changes - if at all.
It didn't change. I still wanted Bees and the more I read and learned about the more I got hooked up. They fascinate me. On one side they're powerful while having a quite complex life. On the other hand they'so so fragile. In fact, with all the changes, poisons and imported diseases it's now impossible for Bees to survive without human care (even in the wild). The annualy schedule bees go through also matches good with my own schedule when it comes to outdoor activities.
But for two more years I couldn't have bees. There was, well, lets say I had circumstances in my life that forbid me to keep bees. In a almost literal way. Now that named circumstances are gone I went on and teh idea started to become reality. During the last couple of months I joined the Beekeepers Association, had a talk with neightbours, informed my insurance and etablished connections to other beekeepers.
I'm all bouncy about it now but also a bit afraid. There's a lot of theory in my mind but the reality looks different. But I know I can do it. The first years is going to be the hardest. There's so much to learn but I feel like I can do it. I always had a hand for animals and plants in my life so far. The first year so also going to be expensive. I mean it.
Of course I can make money with the honey and wax (like making candles from it) and sell both. I expect about 60-90Kg honey a year. It depends a bit on the year itself (weather/climate) and whether I like to feed the Bees during winther with their own honey or some substitute. This will at least cover my annual expenses. Insurance, replacement parts, etc.
Speaking of honey: I already signed in for an advanced training in honey production. When I pass I'm offically allowed to sell my honey under the label of the German Beekeppers Association. That also means that I'm allowed to use the officaial seal. Overall, I expect a lot of high quality honey. That fact that I live at the limits of a big city works in my favor. There's this stereotype about cities being toxic and dirty. But the reality shows that honey from cities comes with less to no impurities at all. Quite contary to Honey from the country side. The countryside uses toxins and pesticides. The city not. Also, Honey from cities comes with way more flavor. The reason can be found in the broader variety of flowers available. Also, since this city has large forests, I plan on having at least one hive in a forest nearby. Which means I get quality forest honey. :)
Like dear Nicola Tesla once said: see the excitement comming!
Er ist wieder da (no spoilers)
Posted 10 years agoSo, I've seen the flick "Er ist wieder da" yesterday with some friends. After watching trailers and reading some reports about before. I've expected a lot, especially a lot of funny nonsense, but was rewared with something that made me stop laughing instantly at some point.
In fact, the movie makes one laugh with no end until it starts to hurt. It's embarrassing, bold and crosses not just one red line when it comes to political incorrect jokes and stereotypes. But in the same moment it askes you, with a calm, honest and somewhat observing voice "are you sure you want to laugh about this...?"
Like said - I've seen the trailers. Those are stupid and in the end I was sitting back in front on my desk, asking myself "I'm okay with this?". The saying says "time heals wounds" but I wonder if it's okay to make fun of something that was, well, that tragic.
As a inhabitant, so to say, of this country (namely Germany) I know that this specific topic, the Holocaust, pops up again and again. And like many Germans I'm a bit tired of it. I had this topic three times during school and by now I often roll my eyes when it comes up. It's not that it annoys me, it's just that I think that at some point it's okay to accept that a wound has healed. It doesn't mean that one should forget about it. But with every serious wound one should learn from it. How to avoid it and what caused it. Well, point here.
Anyway, what made watch the movie in the end was curiosity. How could such an offinsive book/movie become that famous? It can't be all stupid.
So. Hitler is back. I won't say how. But he's back in 2014. And he finds his way into society. Not by aggression but by word. First, it's funny and hilarous and then it gets more political and serious. But still funny. People in the movie act like that. First, they think it's a joke. As it becomes more political they still think it's a joke but become interested. Everyone knows about the history but everyone thinks it's in the past. People don't feel taken honest by current politicans and become interested in what Hiler says. He doesn't lie. He's honest and open. People listen. And all people in the cinema act the same way. First they're laughing and then things change. Realisation sinks in. Again, I won't say why. Just let's say. It's easy to manipulate people. Until it's too late.
Go, watch this flick. Have fun, laugh until you can't breath anymore and then ... well, experience it on your own.
This flick gets straight 9 of 10 Points. It has good actors. It's believeable. The story is excellent. It has humor. It has plot twists. It has some action and it's thrilling.
In fact, the movie makes one laugh with no end until it starts to hurt. It's embarrassing, bold and crosses not just one red line when it comes to political incorrect jokes and stereotypes. But in the same moment it askes you, with a calm, honest and somewhat observing voice "are you sure you want to laugh about this...?"
Like said - I've seen the trailers. Those are stupid and in the end I was sitting back in front on my desk, asking myself "I'm okay with this?". The saying says "time heals wounds" but I wonder if it's okay to make fun of something that was, well, that tragic.
As a inhabitant, so to say, of this country (namely Germany) I know that this specific topic, the Holocaust, pops up again and again. And like many Germans I'm a bit tired of it. I had this topic three times during school and by now I often roll my eyes when it comes up. It's not that it annoys me, it's just that I think that at some point it's okay to accept that a wound has healed. It doesn't mean that one should forget about it. But with every serious wound one should learn from it. How to avoid it and what caused it. Well, point here.
Anyway, what made watch the movie in the end was curiosity. How could such an offinsive book/movie become that famous? It can't be all stupid.
So. Hitler is back. I won't say how. But he's back in 2014. And he finds his way into society. Not by aggression but by word. First, it's funny and hilarous and then it gets more political and serious. But still funny. People in the movie act like that. First, they think it's a joke. As it becomes more political they still think it's a joke but become interested. Everyone knows about the history but everyone thinks it's in the past. People don't feel taken honest by current politicans and become interested in what Hiler says. He doesn't lie. He's honest and open. People listen. And all people in the cinema act the same way. First they're laughing and then things change. Realisation sinks in. Again, I won't say why. Just let's say. It's easy to manipulate people. Until it's too late.
Go, watch this flick. Have fun, laugh until you can't breath anymore and then ... well, experience it on your own.
This flick gets straight 9 of 10 Points. It has good actors. It's believeable. The story is excellent. It has humor. It has plot twists. It has some action and it's thrilling.
About the FurAffinity Sale
Posted 10 years agoSo, FurAffinity was sold to IMVU. Reading that left me with peculiar feeling. On a personal level my first subjective thought was "Oh, FurAffinity saleout! Quick! Grab all the copper cables of value that are left before the last rat has left the sinking ship!"
Of course there was the usual drama that follows each service/public annoucement. No changes happend so far and I always find it funny how people fume about and leave FurAffinity (or at least say that they do). Eh. That's a tad childish. Just wait and let us see what happens.
But, there are several intersting questions that arise from the sale.
First: what do IMVU want with a site like FurAffinity? It's not that FurAffinity seems to fit into their business model. It's not that the owner is a Furry, has lot of money to give away and want doing something good for us. Like paying programmers to implement new features into FurAffinity for free. IMVU is a business. Business is about money. They have bills to pay. With money. And money needs to be earned. From customers. IMVU payed for FurAffinity and now the investment needs to pay off. IMVU wants a revenue from the investment. The question is: how? Which bring me to the second point.
Second: why investing in the Fandom? Well, our fandom is constantly growing and and expanding. It shifts more and more into public focus and attracts more people. It's on the way to become an interesting element for regular business parties. Regular shops have alreads shown interest in the furry fandom as a market place. Buying FurAffinity may have been a clever move to get a foot into the Fandom. Again, a key question arises: what kind of business model does IMVU have in mind for FurAffinity?
Third: Content. Let's face it. We Furries are odd and there's a lot of gross, dusturbing and legal-wise very questionable content up on the site. When checking out the IMVU Site with its's all tame, stereotypic and beauty-model like characters/avatars, well, one may wonder: how does the typical IMVU customer respond to a site like FurAffinity? What kind of interest could a regular IMVU customer have in FurAffinity? An interest which IMVU can use to make money? Let's face it. IMVU made an offical announcement on their Twitter Acc and welcomed FurAffinity in their family. People will have a look at FurAffinity and sooner or later and IMVU has to make sure that FurAffinity fits into their key market. Explict Artwork with very questionale content (like with definitely too young characters having sexual interaction - or in-fact bestiality stuff) does not fit. What will they do about it?
Questions over questions. I'm curious about the answers. We'll see. Sooner or later.
Of course there was the usual drama that follows each service/public annoucement. No changes happend so far and I always find it funny how people fume about and leave FurAffinity (or at least say that they do). Eh. That's a tad childish. Just wait and let us see what happens.
But, there are several intersting questions that arise from the sale.
First: what do IMVU want with a site like FurAffinity? It's not that FurAffinity seems to fit into their business model. It's not that the owner is a Furry, has lot of money to give away and want doing something good for us. Like paying programmers to implement new features into FurAffinity for free. IMVU is a business. Business is about money. They have bills to pay. With money. And money needs to be earned. From customers. IMVU payed for FurAffinity and now the investment needs to pay off. IMVU wants a revenue from the investment. The question is: how? Which bring me to the second point.
Second: why investing in the Fandom? Well, our fandom is constantly growing and and expanding. It shifts more and more into public focus and attracts more people. It's on the way to become an interesting element for regular business parties. Regular shops have alreads shown interest in the furry fandom as a market place. Buying FurAffinity may have been a clever move to get a foot into the Fandom. Again, a key question arises: what kind of business model does IMVU have in mind for FurAffinity?
Third: Content. Let's face it. We Furries are odd and there's a lot of gross, dusturbing and legal-wise very questionable content up on the site. When checking out the IMVU Site with its's all tame, stereotypic and beauty-model like characters/avatars, well, one may wonder: how does the typical IMVU customer respond to a site like FurAffinity? What kind of interest could a regular IMVU customer have in FurAffinity? An interest which IMVU can use to make money? Let's face it. IMVU made an offical announcement on their Twitter Acc and welcomed FurAffinity in their family. People will have a look at FurAffinity and sooner or later and IMVU has to make sure that FurAffinity fits into their key market. Explict Artwork with very questionale content (like with definitely too young characters having sexual interaction - or in-fact bestiality stuff) does not fit. What will they do about it?
Questions over questions. I'm curious about the answers. We'll see. Sooner or later.
Close to Tears
Posted 10 years agoParis, France, yesterday. You know what I'm talking about. I read about it in the news. Worse enough. Then I made the mistake to watch (warning... not for the faint heart...) Video on LiveLeak, showing how the police offer gets shoot. I see violence on a daily basis. Mostly in the news. But somehow, seeing this creeped me the hell out and tore on my sould. I mean it. I felt cold on the inside and couldn't get my mind to think about something else yesterday evening.
I've seen quite some cruel scenes in the media (and especially the 'net) in my life so far. Some things I wish I had never seen. Bis this... is different. What makes it so cruel is... how simple it looks like. There are no emotions to understand. No fighting that escalates, no words. There just this guy shooting at the officer, then walking past him and shooting him in the head, casually. Like passing a garbage bin, disposing something. Lion Christ. Shit.
I have a graphical mind that starts to process such stuff on its own without me being able to stop it. I wonder... how it must feel to be his wife (if he had one) to see this. Not in the media. Not commented, not blurred out but just as it is. Raw, uncensored, honest. I wonder how it must be to sit at work when suddenly someone IMs you or you get the link on some social media. You know your husband works for the police and you already have a bad idea what this will be about. And then you see it. Without any warning. No idea how I would respond. I can imagine thousand ways.
I wonder how it must be to know that there's a Video of it... how long it would take to struggle with onself until the urge to know it wins. To close that chapter. Only to tear the soul apart. My eyes begin to water while I write this.
What to do? There's raging hate and pain I can imagine. The urge to get that guy and kill him. Hoping it would help to deal with the pain. But it won't. The beloved one is dead. It won't bring him (or her) back. And it crosses a line one one should cross.
Sometimes I wonder what to do in such a case. Maybe forcing the person into a therapy that allows the guy to finally realise, understand and reflect what he has done. Not in a way that makes him understand that he did something wrong but that allwos him to feel what he did. Destroying a life. Not only one. That he did something that can't be reversed. And then let him live with that. On a daily basis until it tears him apart. Until he ends up on the street, not being able to deal with what he has done. And eventually, when he's about to go nuts, having sleepless nights, one should hand him a knife , saying "you know what ths is for" and let him alone with that.
But no. That's not right. Even if it may feel right... as long as the pain clouds the mind. It's not right to introduce such pain to others. It's just not right. But there's nothing left that feels right. Forcing onself to be fair to someone that took away your most beloved one. Maybe the only right way is to put the guy in therapy so he can eventually make up for it in some way. Turning and doing something good in the service for mankind. The only way to get rid of the pain is to close the chapter, I guess. To deal with it. How unfair. But I guess it's the only option that prevents the soul from being torn by hatred and pain - especially when seeing the person that's responsible. I wonder how hard it must be to close that chapter. To fight and still see the good side in mankind.
To everyone who lost a beloved one yesterday... or some hours ago.. and in the days to come: I'm sorry for your loss...
I've seen quite some cruel scenes in the media (and especially the 'net) in my life so far. Some things I wish I had never seen. Bis this... is different. What makes it so cruel is... how simple it looks like. There are no emotions to understand. No fighting that escalates, no words. There just this guy shooting at the officer, then walking past him and shooting him in the head, casually. Like passing a garbage bin, disposing something. Lion Christ. Shit.
I have a graphical mind that starts to process such stuff on its own without me being able to stop it. I wonder... how it must feel to be his wife (if he had one) to see this. Not in the media. Not commented, not blurred out but just as it is. Raw, uncensored, honest. I wonder how it must be to sit at work when suddenly someone IMs you or you get the link on some social media. You know your husband works for the police and you already have a bad idea what this will be about. And then you see it. Without any warning. No idea how I would respond. I can imagine thousand ways.
I wonder how it must be to know that there's a Video of it... how long it would take to struggle with onself until the urge to know it wins. To close that chapter. Only to tear the soul apart. My eyes begin to water while I write this.
What to do? There's raging hate and pain I can imagine. The urge to get that guy and kill him. Hoping it would help to deal with the pain. But it won't. The beloved one is dead. It won't bring him (or her) back. And it crosses a line one one should cross.
Sometimes I wonder what to do in such a case. Maybe forcing the person into a therapy that allows the guy to finally realise, understand and reflect what he has done. Not in a way that makes him understand that he did something wrong but that allwos him to feel what he did. Destroying a life. Not only one. That he did something that can't be reversed. And then let him live with that. On a daily basis until it tears him apart. Until he ends up on the street, not being able to deal with what he has done. And eventually, when he's about to go nuts, having sleepless nights, one should hand him a knife , saying "you know what ths is for" and let him alone with that.
But no. That's not right. Even if it may feel right... as long as the pain clouds the mind. It's not right to introduce such pain to others. It's just not right. But there's nothing left that feels right. Forcing onself to be fair to someone that took away your most beloved one. Maybe the only right way is to put the guy in therapy so he can eventually make up for it in some way. Turning and doing something good in the service for mankind. The only way to get rid of the pain is to close the chapter, I guess. To deal with it. How unfair. But I guess it's the only option that prevents the soul from being torn by hatred and pain - especially when seeing the person that's responsible. I wonder how hard it must be to close that chapter. To fight and still see the good side in mankind.
To everyone who lost a beloved one yesterday... or some hours ago.. and in the days to come: I'm sorry for your loss...
The Hobbit, 3 - A small review
Posted 10 years agoOfftopic: Happy to year to all of you! :)
Before seeing that movie I already assumed that the proper subtitle for this flick would likely be
"Big, nasty Dragon learns something about Karma and gets his ass kicked". *
And that's exactly what the movie boils down to. Within the first 15 Minutes. After that it's more or less like what the Lord of the Rings was about 80% of the time. Our protagonists and obvious heros fighting with a shorthanded army agains thousands of evil orks and allies, only to get their asses save by some miracle-like events.
Of course the quality is awesome. Lots of beautiful landscapes and alike. But it doesn't make up for the lack of story. I have to say sorry in case this sounds like a rant. It's not supposed to be one. I'm just disappointed. At some point I even lost my suspense of disbelieve.
There's this scene where one of the human-sized protagonists (forgot his name) stands up against a nasty, over sized and heavy muscles 10-15m tall Ork. The Ork's weapon of choice is some big, cubic stone that weights likey at least 1,5 Tons. It's locked to a big chain. He throws it around like it doesn't follow the rules of physic, trying to smash our poor protoagonist. Suddenly, when named stone lies on the ground, our protagonist (he's a human, just to bring that back to memory) lifts it up and tosses it against the Orks chest like the stone is just some football. "Here, hold that for a moment, buddy". Honestly?
'Nuff said. 3/10 Points.
*) No, I don't dislike Dragons. Quite the contraty. I like them a lot. It's just that I can't take Smaug honest. He's lovely animated but lacks of character. Okay, he's evil. But that's all. Shallow. I'd likely stand in front of him, arms crossed, one eyebrow quirked, making sarcastic comments about his character.
Before seeing that movie I already assumed that the proper subtitle for this flick would likely be
"Big, nasty Dragon learns something about Karma and gets his ass kicked". *
And that's exactly what the movie boils down to. Within the first 15 Minutes. After that it's more or less like what the Lord of the Rings was about 80% of the time. Our protagonists and obvious heros fighting with a shorthanded army agains thousands of evil orks and allies, only to get their asses save by some miracle-like events.
Of course the quality is awesome. Lots of beautiful landscapes and alike. But it doesn't make up for the lack of story. I have to say sorry in case this sounds like a rant. It's not supposed to be one. I'm just disappointed. At some point I even lost my suspense of disbelieve.
There's this scene where one of the human-sized protagonists (forgot his name) stands up against a nasty, over sized and heavy muscles 10-15m tall Ork. The Ork's weapon of choice is some big, cubic stone that weights likey at least 1,5 Tons. It's locked to a big chain. He throws it around like it doesn't follow the rules of physic, trying to smash our poor protoagonist. Suddenly, when named stone lies on the ground, our protagonist (he's a human, just to bring that back to memory) lifts it up and tosses it against the Orks chest like the stone is just some football. "Here, hold that for a moment, buddy". Honestly?
'Nuff said. 3/10 Points.
*) No, I don't dislike Dragons. Quite the contraty. I like them a lot. It's just that I can't take Smaug honest. He's lovely animated but lacks of character. Okay, he's evil. But that's all. Shallow. I'd likely stand in front of him, arms crossed, one eyebrow quirked, making sarcastic comments about his character.
Free art raffle (not mine and NSFW ;) )
Posted 10 years agoWhite beauty
Posted 10 years agoI recommend reading the original version here on LiveJournal
It's been a while - in fact almost two years - since I wrote my last season related entry. It feels good to do it again.
You may already guess what this is about. Yes. Snow. Yay! *bounce* :) Last night was one to remember. I was supposed to go to bed around midnight but went stuck in a conversation on IRC. It's was one of the (really) rare nights were I suddenly find myself submerged in an emotional discussion and forgot about time. It rarely happens. I dunno why. It takes the right person, the right mood and the right topic to get into it - and it happens only once or twice a year. But each time I enjoy it. Those are lovely nights to remember. Peaceful ând calm, leaving me with a deep feeling of bonding with people I like.
At some point around four o'Clock on the morning someone said that it's snowing in Berlin. Yeah. Snow in Berlin. Right. Half of Germany is stuck in heavy snowfall and Berlin got just some flakes. The forecast also said that the east of Germany, where Berlin is located, won't get snow during the next couple of days. I had a look ath the window. The few dimm rays of artificial light cast from street lights filtering through the shutters didn't gave much witness of snowfall away. Out of curiosity I left my bed and hoised the shutter a bit. After blinking in disbelieve I pulled them up all the way. What I saw filled me with amazement. Thick, soft flakes of snow greeted me, dancing slowy to the ground, adding to the the already thick layer.
It's the same each year. The first snow of the season turns me into a child again, wanting to go outside instantly. Usually it's the deep humming of the snow plow that akaws me. It's a sound that's associated with snow fall and that makes me snap to attention all the way instantly like some magic spell - regardless of how deep I'm asleep. I went down the staircase, jumped and - BAM - hit my head nasty on the doorframe. Owies~. I still stuffer a light headache. But nothing serious.
I'm glad that it was all dark outside and my that neighbors were still asleep. I think they would eventually deem me all nuts when seeing me walking through the garden in the night bare feet, waring a tunic and just shorts. Especially after I already got odd looks yesterday for disposing ashes from the wood stove on the fields in my backyard, thrown by hand. I just wait for rumors about me practising the art of black magic or something alike. Nah, just kidding. :)
Each year the first snowfall reminds me of a famous comic strip from Calvin and Hobbes again. Let's go exploring! That's what I did. I took my camera and went outside - this time with proper clothing, mind you -, taking photos in my garden and the streets around. The world looks and feelt so peaceful. Like it never saw any harm or wrongdoing. Like it want's to show us how fragile and beautiful life can be.
• lets go exploring
• The Backyard
• The Courtyard
• Christmas light installation
• Christmas light installation
• One of my LED candles :)
• A warm light in the dark
• The street in front of my house
• Bright blue sky
It's been a while - in fact almost two years - since I wrote my last season related entry. It feels good to do it again.
You may already guess what this is about. Yes. Snow. Yay! *bounce* :) Last night was one to remember. I was supposed to go to bed around midnight but went stuck in a conversation on IRC. It's was one of the (really) rare nights were I suddenly find myself submerged in an emotional discussion and forgot about time. It rarely happens. I dunno why. It takes the right person, the right mood and the right topic to get into it - and it happens only once or twice a year. But each time I enjoy it. Those are lovely nights to remember. Peaceful ând calm, leaving me with a deep feeling of bonding with people I like.
At some point around four o'Clock on the morning someone said that it's snowing in Berlin. Yeah. Snow in Berlin. Right. Half of Germany is stuck in heavy snowfall and Berlin got just some flakes. The forecast also said that the east of Germany, where Berlin is located, won't get snow during the next couple of days. I had a look ath the window. The few dimm rays of artificial light cast from street lights filtering through the shutters didn't gave much witness of snowfall away. Out of curiosity I left my bed and hoised the shutter a bit. After blinking in disbelieve I pulled them up all the way. What I saw filled me with amazement. Thick, soft flakes of snow greeted me, dancing slowy to the ground, adding to the the already thick layer.
It's the same each year. The first snow of the season turns me into a child again, wanting to go outside instantly. Usually it's the deep humming of the snow plow that akaws me. It's a sound that's associated with snow fall and that makes me snap to attention all the way instantly like some magic spell - regardless of how deep I'm asleep. I went down the staircase, jumped and - BAM - hit my head nasty on the doorframe. Owies~. I still stuffer a light headache. But nothing serious.
I'm glad that it was all dark outside and my that neighbors were still asleep. I think they would eventually deem me all nuts when seeing me walking through the garden in the night bare feet, waring a tunic and just shorts. Especially after I already got odd looks yesterday for disposing ashes from the wood stove on the fields in my backyard, thrown by hand. I just wait for rumors about me practising the art of black magic or something alike. Nah, just kidding. :)
Each year the first snowfall reminds me of a famous comic strip from Calvin and Hobbes again. Let's go exploring! That's what I did. I took my camera and went outside - this time with proper clothing, mind you -, taking photos in my garden and the streets around. The world looks and feelt so peaceful. Like it never saw any harm or wrongdoing. Like it want's to show us how fragile and beautiful life can be.
• lets go exploring
• The Backyard
• The Courtyard
• Christmas light installation
• Christmas light installation
• One of my LED candles :)
• A warm light in the dark
• The street in front of my house
• Bright blue sky
Project: Buzzer Box
Posted 11 years agoI recommend reading the original version here on LiveJournal
I like my workplace. Every now and then I get requests to build odd, funny or just aswesome stuff. This time it was Multi-Input Reader for Buzzers. It's primary used in a company intern quiz-game with mixed groups of employees. By now it got also used in a small TV show production where two moderators stood up against each other.
There's nothing fancy about it. It's build around a ATMEGA16 Mikrocontroller. Basically because it comes with at least two fully accessible multipurpose 8Bit GPIOs. I felt just too lazy to come up with a multipexed concept for buzzer reading. Or something with shift registers. Timer/Counter1 is used to generate an IRQ each 1ms, required to read all inputs in parallel. The set of two Bytes is then shifted through a counter which detects if any (and if so, which) Bit is high and therefore representing a hit Buzzer. In the very unlikely event that two parties hit a Buzzer exactly at the same time (remember, we're talking about a readout each 1 millisecond) the Bit that is read high first place while shifting the Bytes is the winner. Each Bit is then flaged as "hit" and will be ignored until it goes low again. This allows to create a list with hits in regard of the order in which they where hit. This list is send to a PC by using a RS232 interface and evantually a RS232 to USB converter adapter.
I also wrote a small Perl script that reads the Serial port, shows the result and stores it in a small textfile. Another colleague wrote a fancy game software that reads the textfile and responds to the the input according to the current state of the game. The game is entirely controlled by keyboard and comes with features like: flexible categories, game music, hightscore list, different fadeovers.
To answer two pissble questions/comments in advance:
• Yes, wireless buzzers would have been cool, but the job request stated: cheap and fuctional.
• Jep, I modified the Buzzers and removed the lock function. The Switches jump back up "open" (normal psotion) back on its own when lifting the hand.
The Multi-Input Reader
• Wiring the box
• Closeup of the board
• The whole, asselmbled box
Some random project pictures
• The whole, asselmbled box
• Final Test
• Done. Ready for use
• Perl-Tk Reader for RS232
• The Game GUI
I like my workplace. Every now and then I get requests to build odd, funny or just aswesome stuff. This time it was Multi-Input Reader for Buzzers. It's primary used in a company intern quiz-game with mixed groups of employees. By now it got also used in a small TV show production where two moderators stood up against each other.
There's nothing fancy about it. It's build around a ATMEGA16 Mikrocontroller. Basically because it comes with at least two fully accessible multipurpose 8Bit GPIOs. I felt just too lazy to come up with a multipexed concept for buzzer reading. Or something with shift registers. Timer/Counter1 is used to generate an IRQ each 1ms, required to read all inputs in parallel. The set of two Bytes is then shifted through a counter which detects if any (and if so, which) Bit is high and therefore representing a hit Buzzer. In the very unlikely event that two parties hit a Buzzer exactly at the same time (remember, we're talking about a readout each 1 millisecond) the Bit that is read high first place while shifting the Bytes is the winner. Each Bit is then flaged as "hit" and will be ignored until it goes low again. This allows to create a list with hits in regard of the order in which they where hit. This list is send to a PC by using a RS232 interface and evantually a RS232 to USB converter adapter.
I also wrote a small Perl script that reads the Serial port, shows the result and stores it in a small textfile. Another colleague wrote a fancy game software that reads the textfile and responds to the the input according to the current state of the game. The game is entirely controlled by keyboard and comes with features like: flexible categories, game music, hightscore list, different fadeovers.
To answer two pissble questions/comments in advance:
• Yes, wireless buzzers would have been cool, but the job request stated: cheap and fuctional.
• Jep, I modified the Buzzers and removed the lock function. The Switches jump back up "open" (normal psotion) back on its own when lifting the hand.
The Multi-Input Reader
• Wiring the box
• Closeup of the board
• The whole, asselmbled box
Some random project pictures
• The whole, asselmbled box
• Final Test
• Done. Ready for use
• Perl-Tk Reader for RS232
• The Game GUI
"Toilet In Use!" Traffic Sign for my Workplace
Posted 11 years agoI recommend reading the original version here on LiveJournal
I happen to work in the Tech/IT/Project administration of the company I work for. Our department shares the floor with some other departments. Overall, we are quite a lot of people. And there's just one toilet on the floor. Okay, there's a second one but that the one for ladies. Most of my colleagues happen to be coffee addicts. Some are of the heavily addicted kind. By now you may start to understand the quandary that arises from this specific situation. Yep, a frequently occupied toilet which in return means that each of us often walk to the toilet when it's already in use. The problem isn't exactly that you have to check later again - or wait. The problem is that most of us head downstair to the second floor. This inhabits a potential risk for meeting other colleagues. Colleagues will see us and will remember that there was something they wanted to ask us about. We're doomed. In most cases we won't see our own again workdesk before half an hour ago. Which disturbts the train of thoughts in regard to our own work.
It's a problem. I fix problems. That's why I got the nickname Fix it Fox at work. Eventually on a Friday about two months ago most of my colleagues were not in but attending an external meeting. I took the opportunity and finally assembled the Toilet Traffic Sign I've been building at home during the summer every now and then when having a minute of free time. Looking for traffic sign housings? Ebay is your friend. This one was cheap because it orgially existed of three elements. One was completely damaged. Sadly it was the red element. But organge works as well.
There's not much to say about it. The light bulbs got replaced with cheap LED-clusters from ebay. The whole system is powerd by a small 5V/1A Wall Plug Power Supply. The PIR Sensor was salvaged from an old Solar Garden Lamp (water and frost damage). A ATTiny25 Mikrocontroller was used to bring it alive. The CPU clock is generated by using the internal RC Oscillator with approx 8MHz. The Timer/Counter0 unit runs in CTC Mode and creates an IRQ every 50ms. Timer/Counter1 generates a 35KHz PWM signal for a smooth LED fadeover between orange and green.
The Software is kept simple as well. With each IRQ from Timer/Counter0 the "PIR Input Pin" is read. The PIR Sensor itself, which is connected to it, generates a 100ms long puls each times it detects movement. The µC can't miss a hit. An impulse turns the lamp from green to orange (Toilet occupied) The read impuls sets a 16Bit timer to value 1800 (20 Timer IRQs/s * 90s) and is decremented with each IRQ from Timer/Counter0. While the counter is decrementing each new impulse will set the counter back to 1800. When the counter hits 0 (after not receiving an signal from the PIR Sensor for 90 seconds) the light fades back from orange to green (oilet free). There are two reasons for the delay: making sure the toilet is really free. Some poeple tend to sit quite still, which makes it harder to detect them. It helps to avoid the false assumption of a free toilet. From two months of operation I can tell: 90 secods works like a charm. Also, it help to aerate the room at least a bit after use.
Traffic Sign and PIR-Sensor installed
• Sensor Mounted
• Light Sign Mounted
Some impressions from the construction
• Programming Adapter
• Controllerboard Topside
• First Test
• Controllerboard Installed
I happen to work in the Tech/IT/Project administration of the company I work for. Our department shares the floor with some other departments. Overall, we are quite a lot of people. And there's just one toilet on the floor. Okay, there's a second one but that the one for ladies. Most of my colleagues happen to be coffee addicts. Some are of the heavily addicted kind. By now you may start to understand the quandary that arises from this specific situation. Yep, a frequently occupied toilet which in return means that each of us often walk to the toilet when it's already in use. The problem isn't exactly that you have to check later again - or wait. The problem is that most of us head downstair to the second floor. This inhabits a potential risk for meeting other colleagues. Colleagues will see us and will remember that there was something they wanted to ask us about. We're doomed. In most cases we won't see our own again workdesk before half an hour ago. Which disturbts the train of thoughts in regard to our own work.
It's a problem. I fix problems. That's why I got the nickname Fix it Fox at work. Eventually on a Friday about two months ago most of my colleagues were not in but attending an external meeting. I took the opportunity and finally assembled the Toilet Traffic Sign I've been building at home during the summer every now and then when having a minute of free time. Looking for traffic sign housings? Ebay is your friend. This one was cheap because it orgially existed of three elements. One was completely damaged. Sadly it was the red element. But organge works as well.
There's not much to say about it. The light bulbs got replaced with cheap LED-clusters from ebay. The whole system is powerd by a small 5V/1A Wall Plug Power Supply. The PIR Sensor was salvaged from an old Solar Garden Lamp (water and frost damage). A ATTiny25 Mikrocontroller was used to bring it alive. The CPU clock is generated by using the internal RC Oscillator with approx 8MHz. The Timer/Counter0 unit runs in CTC Mode and creates an IRQ every 50ms. Timer/Counter1 generates a 35KHz PWM signal for a smooth LED fadeover between orange and green.
The Software is kept simple as well. With each IRQ from Timer/Counter0 the "PIR Input Pin" is read. The PIR Sensor itself, which is connected to it, generates a 100ms long puls each times it detects movement. The µC can't miss a hit. An impulse turns the lamp from green to orange (Toilet occupied) The read impuls sets a 16Bit timer to value 1800 (20 Timer IRQs/s * 90s) and is decremented with each IRQ from Timer/Counter0. While the counter is decrementing each new impulse will set the counter back to 1800. When the counter hits 0 (after not receiving an signal from the PIR Sensor for 90 seconds) the light fades back from orange to green (oilet free). There are two reasons for the delay: making sure the toilet is really free. Some poeple tend to sit quite still, which makes it harder to detect them. It helps to avoid the false assumption of a free toilet. From two months of operation I can tell: 90 secods works like a charm. Also, it help to aerate the room at least a bit after use.
Traffic Sign and PIR-Sensor installed
• Sensor Mounted
• Light Sign Mounted
Some impressions from the construction
• Programming Adapter
• Controllerboard Topside
• First Test
• Controllerboard Installed
Binary Clock Version 3 (or 14 Years of Binary Clocks)
Posted 11 years agoI recommend reading the original version here on LiveJournal
This project is so much fun and makes me smile each time I'm working on it. It's related to a lot of memories and feels a bit like timetraveling. Binary Clocks have some sort of history in my life. This is the third Binary Clock I've build in my life. Many years have passed between each one (each time about seven I just noticed) and looking through my project pictures tells a lot of stories and stirs up memories. Not only related to this specific sort of project but also about my life back then in general. What do they say? It's amazing how fast the boring present becomes the good old time It also reminds me of HOW long I know good old Phelan by now. He also inspired me to build a binary Clock first hand. When thinking about it I come to the conclusion that we both inspire each other a lot. Which is very grateful for.
2000 - First version
I had to laugh so hard when realising that the reason for building my current Binary Clock is the same like back then in around 2000 when I was building the first one: Damn! I need a clock in my room! Back then it was my room in the house where I grew up. Now, this one is for my living room. In 2000 I told Phelan about and he suggested building a Binary Clock. And so I did. But I didn't keep it. Phelan was absolutely fascinated by it that I just gave it to him as a Christmas present some months later. And as a result: lacked of a clock in my room some more months to come.
On the pictures below you can see the prototype and the final first version. It puts some things into spotlight. Primary what I've learned from building those projects. For a start: how I'd build my boards back then. Without any CAD tool, routed and transfered by hand entirely. Just look at all those holes aslant and ugly. It worked but was a pain. Especially creating the layout on a sheet of paper took a lot of time. It also required a copy machine to mirror the layout so it could be transfer properly to the PCB. That also explains why the all components are mounted like SMD parts: I forgot to mirror the layout. But - eh, screw it - it was just a prototype.
After that I got myself EAGLE from CADSoft my mother supplied me with an (expensive) professional license for the Pro version. It took me a whole weekend to study the user manual and figure out how each function of the software works the right way. Up to the present day it's still my CAD tool of choice for designing PCBs. My first project that got entirely designed with EAGLE was the final Version of my first Binary Clock. It was so much fun to finally have a clean layout and lined up holes for all the components on the board. EAGLE made things so much easier. Open, change, save, print. Done. I could easily change the layout or re-locate components. Also routing was way more easy now. And - hell, yes - I was able to build double sided layouts!
The first version was everything but perfect and I learned a lot from the prototype and the not-so-final version:
• From the final version: Ground planes are so important when working with digital and HF circuits! The tracks on the prototype were short enough for signals to cause significant inductions. But on the large version (larger than a A4 sized sheet of paper) the tracks carrying the clock signal were prone to pick up noises. When switching off the light in the room the Minutes and Seconds jumped to random values. Hello inductive coupling. Adding pull-up resistors fixed the problem on a way I could live with it. For a while. Still, every now and then a large signal caused the Minutes and Seconds to change. The clock went all postal when I started to work on HF Transceivers or Switch Mode Power Supplies - or everything else that created strong (electro-) magnetic fields. I eventually fixed it by adding a sheet of grounded aluminium foil between insulating self-adhesive tape to the backside of the panel. It shielded everything. Almost. I also learned that: it's important to run burn-in and long-time tests. Just because something works on the bench doesn't mean it also works in the field.
• From the final version: 20PPM frequency shift/tolerance doesn't sound like its much but had a visible effect. To name it: the clock ran ahead or fell back about several Seconds just after hours of operation. I read literature on "frequency shift compensation" and decided to add a variable capacitor to the clock source unit if I ever happen to build another clock. Which I did.
• From the prototype version: Reading the clock at night becomes a big problem. Often it was not possible to tell which LED was which and therefore it's was not possible to calculate the proper time. Because of that I added a small additional resistor to each LED that feed a bypass-current to it, making it glow a bit in the dark by default. After that it was possible to tell which LED was on and which not during night from the difference of the brightness alone.
• From the prototype version: It's important to hold and reset the clock source when entering the programming mode. Otherwise it will happen that one of thw (H:M:S) block will jump one number up when leaving the programming mode due to a present signal transition.
• From the final version: God damnit! Never EVER clean acrylic plastic with alcohol. I have no idea about the reaction that takes place but it somehow causes the plastic to grow cracks to the point where it won't just look ugly but become very fragile and easy to break. I had to build the Front panel once more. Which was expensive, time consuming and frustrating. Lesson learned.
Features
• OFF-Brightness for H:M:S, adjustable
Photos of the first prototype...
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: Front side
... and final version
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: Front side
• Photo: Front diagonal
• Photo: Frontpanel
2007 - Second version
Version two was build around 2007. Lions_ had asked me to build one for him. It had to fit into a chassis for EU-sized laboratory cards. There we go.
Setting the clock has become more easy. One button (start programming) locks the gate for the 1Hz Clock source and clears the divider. Another button supplies a 2Hz clock to the Seconds as long as it is held down. A third button (locks out the 2Hz clock signal) and supplies a 100Hz Signal to the Seconds, allowing to fast forward and set the Minutes an Hours. It takes some attempts until one gets used to it but then it works like a charm. After all buttons are released the 1Hz clock signal is enabled again after a delay of three Seconds. If an exact time is required the clock must be set three Seconds ahead of time so it's in sync when the button is released.
Features
• ON-Brightness for H:M:S, seperately adjustable
• OFF-Brightness for H:M:S, seperately adjustable
• Adjustable crystal frequency to compensate PPM tolerance drift
• 100Hz Clock output. Helps when compensating the PPM tolerance drift
Photos of the second version
• Photo: Closeup top side
• Photo: Closeup top side
• Photo: Closeup top side
• Photo:Closeup top side
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: Test run
2014 - Third version
Now I'm building my third Binary clock. Again, the reason is, again: good damnit! I need a clock in my room! This time in the living room. I found my old "DCF 77 controlled 7 Segment Clock" project in one of the project boxes. But the motivation to finish it wasn't that huge. Several year ago I got a fancy DCF77 receiver (heterodyne receiver with two IF stages) that motivated me. I'm going to finish that another time. Let see of long it'll take. :)
Anyway. The third version is controlled by a small Mikrocontroller. I settled on using a ATTINY26. The LED panel operates in Matrix mode with a refesh rate of 1,2Khz. Flicker free. This also allows me to dim the Clock by using PWM. During summer with a lot of light in the room the clock needs to be bright. But during winter or in the evening hours I want to dim it. Or turn the panel off entirely (i.e. when watching a movie).
Features
• Dual Color LEDs. RED = background light, GREEN = active
• OFF-Brightness for H:M:S, manually adjustable
• ON-Brightness for H:M:S, adjustable in 5 steps
• Adjustable crystal frequency to compensate PPM tolerance drift
• 2kHz Clock output. Helps when compensating the PPM tolerance drift
The menue structure
• BTN 1: PRGM SECs, PGRM MINs, PGRM HRs, PGRM END
• BTN 2: (regular mode): LEDs OFF, LEDs DIM 1 LEDs DIM 2, LEDs DIM 3 LEDs DIM 4
• BTN 2 (program mode): Feeding 1Hz to the selected block (H:M:S) as long as it is held down
I'm wondering what kind of Binary Clock I'll build in 2021 . Seven years from now on. And also: How will my boards look then?
Oh my. Look at the clock. Now I spend another two hours on writing small documentation. All I wanted to do was to post some photos and say "Look, that's the Binary Clock I'm currently building". :)
Photos of the current version
• Photo: Top side
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: LED Array
This project is so much fun and makes me smile each time I'm working on it. It's related to a lot of memories and feels a bit like timetraveling. Binary Clocks have some sort of history in my life. This is the third Binary Clock I've build in my life. Many years have passed between each one (each time about seven I just noticed) and looking through my project pictures tells a lot of stories and stirs up memories. Not only related to this specific sort of project but also about my life back then in general. What do they say? It's amazing how fast the boring present becomes the good old time It also reminds me of HOW long I know good old Phelan by now. He also inspired me to build a binary Clock first hand. When thinking about it I come to the conclusion that we both inspire each other a lot. Which is very grateful for.
2000 - First version
I had to laugh so hard when realising that the reason for building my current Binary Clock is the same like back then in around 2000 when I was building the first one: Damn! I need a clock in my room! Back then it was my room in the house where I grew up. Now, this one is for my living room. In 2000 I told Phelan about and he suggested building a Binary Clock. And so I did. But I didn't keep it. Phelan was absolutely fascinated by it that I just gave it to him as a Christmas present some months later. And as a result: lacked of a clock in my room some more months to come.
On the pictures below you can see the prototype and the final first version. It puts some things into spotlight. Primary what I've learned from building those projects. For a start: how I'd build my boards back then. Without any CAD tool, routed and transfered by hand entirely. Just look at all those holes aslant and ugly. It worked but was a pain. Especially creating the layout on a sheet of paper took a lot of time. It also required a copy machine to mirror the layout so it could be transfer properly to the PCB. That also explains why the all components are mounted like SMD parts: I forgot to mirror the layout. But - eh, screw it - it was just a prototype.
After that I got myself EAGLE from CADSoft my mother supplied me with an (expensive) professional license for the Pro version. It took me a whole weekend to study the user manual and figure out how each function of the software works the right way. Up to the present day it's still my CAD tool of choice for designing PCBs. My first project that got entirely designed with EAGLE was the final Version of my first Binary Clock. It was so much fun to finally have a clean layout and lined up holes for all the components on the board. EAGLE made things so much easier. Open, change, save, print. Done. I could easily change the layout or re-locate components. Also routing was way more easy now. And - hell, yes - I was able to build double sided layouts!
The first version was everything but perfect and I learned a lot from the prototype and the not-so-final version:
• From the final version: Ground planes are so important when working with digital and HF circuits! The tracks on the prototype were short enough for signals to cause significant inductions. But on the large version (larger than a A4 sized sheet of paper) the tracks carrying the clock signal were prone to pick up noises. When switching off the light in the room the Minutes and Seconds jumped to random values. Hello inductive coupling. Adding pull-up resistors fixed the problem on a way I could live with it. For a while. Still, every now and then a large signal caused the Minutes and Seconds to change. The clock went all postal when I started to work on HF Transceivers or Switch Mode Power Supplies - or everything else that created strong (electro-) magnetic fields. I eventually fixed it by adding a sheet of grounded aluminium foil between insulating self-adhesive tape to the backside of the panel. It shielded everything. Almost. I also learned that: it's important to run burn-in and long-time tests. Just because something works on the bench doesn't mean it also works in the field.
• From the final version: 20PPM frequency shift/tolerance doesn't sound like its much but had a visible effect. To name it: the clock ran ahead or fell back about several Seconds just after hours of operation. I read literature on "frequency shift compensation" and decided to add a variable capacitor to the clock source unit if I ever happen to build another clock. Which I did.
• From the prototype version: Reading the clock at night becomes a big problem. Often it was not possible to tell which LED was which and therefore it's was not possible to calculate the proper time. Because of that I added a small additional resistor to each LED that feed a bypass-current to it, making it glow a bit in the dark by default. After that it was possible to tell which LED was on and which not during night from the difference of the brightness alone.
• From the prototype version: It's important to hold and reset the clock source when entering the programming mode. Otherwise it will happen that one of thw (H:M:S) block will jump one number up when leaving the programming mode due to a present signal transition.
• From the final version: God damnit! Never EVER clean acrylic plastic with alcohol. I have no idea about the reaction that takes place but it somehow causes the plastic to grow cracks to the point where it won't just look ugly but become very fragile and easy to break. I had to build the Front panel once more. Which was expensive, time consuming and frustrating. Lesson learned.
Features
• OFF-Brightness for H:M:S, adjustable
Photos of the first prototype...
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: Front side
... and final version
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: Front side
• Photo: Front diagonal
• Photo: Frontpanel
2007 - Second version
Version two was build around 2007. Lions_ had asked me to build one for him. It had to fit into a chassis for EU-sized laboratory cards. There we go.
Setting the clock has become more easy. One button (start programming) locks the gate for the 1Hz Clock source and clears the divider. Another button supplies a 2Hz clock to the Seconds as long as it is held down. A third button (locks out the 2Hz clock signal) and supplies a 100Hz Signal to the Seconds, allowing to fast forward and set the Minutes an Hours. It takes some attempts until one gets used to it but then it works like a charm. After all buttons are released the 1Hz clock signal is enabled again after a delay of three Seconds. If an exact time is required the clock must be set three Seconds ahead of time so it's in sync when the button is released.
Features
• ON-Brightness for H:M:S, seperately adjustable
• OFF-Brightness for H:M:S, seperately adjustable
• Adjustable crystal frequency to compensate PPM tolerance drift
• 100Hz Clock output. Helps when compensating the PPM tolerance drift
Photos of the second version
• Photo: Closeup top side
• Photo: Closeup top side
• Photo: Closeup top side
• Photo:Closeup top side
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: Test run
2014 - Third version
Now I'm building my third Binary clock. Again, the reason is, again: good damnit! I need a clock in my room! This time in the living room. I found my old "DCF 77 controlled 7 Segment Clock" project in one of the project boxes. But the motivation to finish it wasn't that huge. Several year ago I got a fancy DCF77 receiver (heterodyne receiver with two IF stages) that motivated me. I'm going to finish that another time. Let see of long it'll take. :)
Anyway. The third version is controlled by a small Mikrocontroller. I settled on using a ATTINY26. The LED panel operates in Matrix mode with a refesh rate of 1,2Khz. Flicker free. This also allows me to dim the Clock by using PWM. During summer with a lot of light in the room the clock needs to be bright. But during winter or in the evening hours I want to dim it. Or turn the panel off entirely (i.e. when watching a movie).
Features
• Dual Color LEDs. RED = background light, GREEN = active
• OFF-Brightness for H:M:S, manually adjustable
• ON-Brightness for H:M:S, adjustable in 5 steps
• Adjustable crystal frequency to compensate PPM tolerance drift
• 2kHz Clock output. Helps when compensating the PPM tolerance drift
The menue structure
• BTN 1: PRGM SECs, PGRM MINs, PGRM HRs, PGRM END
• BTN 2: (regular mode): LEDs OFF, LEDs DIM 1 LEDs DIM 2, LEDs DIM 3 LEDs DIM 4
• BTN 2 (program mode): Feeding 1Hz to the selected block (H:M:S) as long as it is held down
I'm wondering what kind of Binary Clock I'll build in 2021 . Seven years from now on. And also: How will my boards look then?
Oh my. Look at the clock. Now I spend another two hours on writing small documentation. All I wanted to do was to post some photos and say "Look, that's the Binary Clock I'm currently building". :)
Photos of the current version
• Photo: Top side
• Photo: Bottom side
• Photo: LED Array
The Flow
Posted 11 years ago• (Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry, including pictures)
• http://riffuchs.de/blog/LDG-AT-897-Rewire//" rel="nofollow ugc noreferrer noopener">Set of images related to this entry.
It still happens. The Flow. I'm always amazed about the effect it has. What started with the attemp to get one boring task/project done ended up in 9 hours of focused work on projects without eating and other distractions. It absorbed me completely and when I snapped back to attention it left me kinda stunned. I really got three projects done I was procastinating for months by now. All projects were so called re-work tasks. Re-Wiring devices and improving the stability and quality. Something that's needed but quite boring because it exists of boring and repetitive soldering work.
So what did I do?
• Rewiring the Battery Pack switch in my Yasesu FT-897D HAM Transceiver. I also changed the TCXO module, now using the Version 9 unit. Since I had to open the device anyway I installed two additional Filter units I got myself some months ago. One YF-122CN (CW, 300Hz) and YF-122S (SSB, 2,3kHz). Especially the 300Hz one kicks ass. Now I can listen to CW with all stations very close to the actual target frequency completely blanked out. Worth the money!
• Months ago I got myself a 12V power bar. Which is basically a large bar with many 4mm laboratory plug sockets. The Packing said it can handle up to 60A (my transceiver consumes 22A alone). It's from china. So I didn't dare to spend ANY trust on named specification. A look inside has proven me right. Good thing I did that. Urks! After pondering to just throw it away I decided other wise and soldered thick copper wires to the tracks and changed the supply cables. The (car-) fuse holder got also changed. And - of course - I replaced all those ugly bright blue LEDs with diffused green ones. If I ever happen to meet a fairy that grants me one wish I'll ask her to turn all blue LEDs green and to make mankind forget how to build blue LEDs. You get my drift. :)
• Reworking the interal wiring of my LDG AT-897 Plus Automatic Antenna Tuner. Leads should be kept short and in parallel when working with HF. Using "low frequencies" up to 50Mhz is NO excuse to not stick to that rule. Nuff Said.
• Obviously there was also enough time to fit all parts to the PCB of my new Binary Clock. Good thing. Makes me happy. Ah, but that's worth an entry of its own. :)
• http://riffuchs.de/blog/LDG-AT-897-Rewire//" rel="nofollow ugc noreferrer noopener">Set of images related to this entry.
It still happens. The Flow. I'm always amazed about the effect it has. What started with the attemp to get one boring task/project done ended up in 9 hours of focused work on projects without eating and other distractions. It absorbed me completely and when I snapped back to attention it left me kinda stunned. I really got three projects done I was procastinating for months by now. All projects were so called re-work tasks. Re-Wiring devices and improving the stability and quality. Something that's needed but quite boring because it exists of boring and repetitive soldering work.
So what did I do?
• Rewiring the Battery Pack switch in my Yasesu FT-897D HAM Transceiver. I also changed the TCXO module, now using the Version 9 unit. Since I had to open the device anyway I installed two additional Filter units I got myself some months ago. One YF-122CN (CW, 300Hz) and YF-122S (SSB, 2,3kHz). Especially the 300Hz one kicks ass. Now I can listen to CW with all stations very close to the actual target frequency completely blanked out. Worth the money!
• Months ago I got myself a 12V power bar. Which is basically a large bar with many 4mm laboratory plug sockets. The Packing said it can handle up to 60A (my transceiver consumes 22A alone). It's from china. So I didn't dare to spend ANY trust on named specification. A look inside has proven me right. Good thing I did that. Urks! After pondering to just throw it away I decided other wise and soldered thick copper wires to the tracks and changed the supply cables. The (car-) fuse holder got also changed. And - of course - I replaced all those ugly bright blue LEDs with diffused green ones. If I ever happen to meet a fairy that grants me one wish I'll ask her to turn all blue LEDs green and to make mankind forget how to build blue LEDs. You get my drift. :)
• Reworking the interal wiring of my LDG AT-897 Plus Automatic Antenna Tuner. Leads should be kept short and in parallel when working with HF. Using "low frequencies" up to 50Mhz is NO excuse to not stick to that rule. Nuff Said.
• Obviously there was also enough time to fit all parts to the PCB of my new Binary Clock. Good thing. Makes me happy. Ah, but that's worth an entry of its own. :)
The fears about communication
Posted 11 years agoThere something I'm proud about. That I have learned to not avoid conflicts but to face them. Today I'm even able to do it calm, observing and thoughtful. Okay. Most times. ( :) ) Years ago such attempts made me lose my temper every now and then. Getting mad at people.
It's normal to be afraid of addressing problems when being unsure how the other side may respond. But in many cases such fears rise from a lack of selfconfidence in the own words chosen. Truth being told, I stil feel nervous when writing mails every now and then. I want to transport my thoughts and emotions properly and fear that I might express them in a way that makes it prone being misunderstood.
The more I learn to not panic while writing the more relaxed I become. And I wrote a lot lately. Uncounted pages in Mails and messengers. Basically I'll try to catch up with my past. The things I've done wrong because I was too distracted or didn't know better. What that is about in detail is worthg different entries and just too mich to summarise here. The short version is: I learned that I missed learning a lot of social rules in the past. I drowned myself in work and other distraction, well knowing that I'm just avoiding uncomfortable topics. It's completely human to procatinate stuff until it bites one in the ass. After quitting doing a lot of stuff during the last year I feel like I'm calm enough to face such thought and worries. Most important: that I have enough free time and that I'm relaxed enough to face the emotional stress that goes along with it.
I was thinking a lot about people and situation I meet and faced between 2001 and 2003. Just some days ago someone from that time contaced me, asking whether I want to see him while he's visting Berlin. It's not that I hate the person in context. I spend some day pondering. Thinking whether I should just jump over my feeling and say "sigh, okay". But No. I don't want to do that and I told the person so. As odd as it sounds. I feel free by just writing a long mail. Saying that I feel uncomfortable seeing him and explaining why. Just getting that off my chest without being unfair. It's the past. Done. And most important: I don't fear the answer I may get. Because I was honest, offering an insight into my emotions.
And most important: I learned to differ between what I think about a person and the thoughts I want to share. Even when not being okay with someones behaviour it's okay (and even encouraged) to be honest about onself.
It's normal to be afraid of addressing problems when being unsure how the other side may respond. But in many cases such fears rise from a lack of selfconfidence in the own words chosen. Truth being told, I stil feel nervous when writing mails every now and then. I want to transport my thoughts and emotions properly and fear that I might express them in a way that makes it prone being misunderstood.
The more I learn to not panic while writing the more relaxed I become. And I wrote a lot lately. Uncounted pages in Mails and messengers. Basically I'll try to catch up with my past. The things I've done wrong because I was too distracted or didn't know better. What that is about in detail is worthg different entries and just too mich to summarise here. The short version is: I learned that I missed learning a lot of social rules in the past. I drowned myself in work and other distraction, well knowing that I'm just avoiding uncomfortable topics. It's completely human to procatinate stuff until it bites one in the ass. After quitting doing a lot of stuff during the last year I feel like I'm calm enough to face such thought and worries. Most important: that I have enough free time and that I'm relaxed enough to face the emotional stress that goes along with it.
I was thinking a lot about people and situation I meet and faced between 2001 and 2003. Just some days ago someone from that time contaced me, asking whether I want to see him while he's visting Berlin. It's not that I hate the person in context. I spend some day pondering. Thinking whether I should just jump over my feeling and say "sigh, okay". But No. I don't want to do that and I told the person so. As odd as it sounds. I feel free by just writing a long mail. Saying that I feel uncomfortable seeing him and explaining why. Just getting that off my chest without being unfair. It's the past. Done. And most important: I don't fear the answer I may get. Because I was honest, offering an insight into my emotions.
And most important: I learned to differ between what I think about a person and the thoughts I want to share. Even when not being okay with someones behaviour it's okay (and even encouraged) to be honest about onself.
Farewell and thank you for 17 years of freedom
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry, including pictures)
Set of images related to this entry.
This weekend Germany was celebrating it's freedom and the fall of the wall. And I lost a part of my freedom. In the night from Saturday to Sunday some fucker stole my bicycle. People who know me a bit know how much I loved my bike.
Saturday started as good day. The sky was blue and the temperature outside surprisingly warm for this time of the year. After spending some time in the garden and after working on some projects I went to a birthday party. It was likely that I would return late in the night. Therefore I went to the subway station on my bicycle. No need to wait for the night bus half an hour. Especially not when I need to walk another 15 minutes from the Bus stop back home. With the bicycle it's just ten minutes. I went to the subway station and locked my bicycle. That was the last time I saw it.
Eventually, I was back at the subway station around 02:00AM. I went around the corner to the bicycle stands and, well, found some bikes - just not mone. It's somehow interesting how the mind works. In a time that felt like a facation of a second one part of my mind comprehended the sitiation and added another task on my DoTo list "get another bike" while the other part of my mind said "woa, stop. Lets check the facts first!". So it went through some possibilities: Is it the right subway station? Check! I'm on the right side of the station: yeah, of course, the other side doesn't look the same, not even a bit! Did I really use the bike today to the subway station? I'm pretty sure about that! Did you have too much alcohol? No, just two Beers and something that could be called cocktail. Two hours ago. After that the first part of my mind tried to keep the other part from freaking out. I refused to think any further about it and just went home. Walking. Good thing. It made me calm down. At home I spend another hour watching TV until I fell asleep. What a mercy.
Of course I'm pissed about the theft itself. I have to buy a new bicycle and that's about money, several hunded bucks. But it's partly covered by my insurance and well, such things happen in a city like Berlin. BUT I'm deeply hurt about the loss. I got this bike as Christmas present when I was 13. It was a bike for grown ups since I've outgrown my first bike. My mother was sceptical about buying me a completely new bike because I was using my old one... let's say... the hard way. I heaved it cross over and used in terrains it wasn't made for. She got a used frame (made in 1978) from one of their colleagues and had a workshop assemble all missing parts. Tires, whatever. First I was sceptical about this old bike but I soon started to love it.
Right now the small cyclometer on my desk tells me I made 83.053km on it since then. What other people might feel for their first car was my (well, still is) bicycle.
I spend a remarkable anmount of time during my youth (and up to last week) on it. It was my feeling of freedom. Going anywhere, whenever I want. And I did everything with it. I went to uncounted industrial ruins in and around Berlin on it. It carried me to almost every place I explored in my youth. It was just there. Hop on and be free. Leaving home and heading out to explore something new. Once I rode on it to Hamburg (which is about 300+km) and it carried me through Bornholm on a vacation trip with Mryia some years ago.
It's not just some stupid bike that can be replaced. It's a part of my life and so many momemories are linked to it. And not just that. All the modifications, all the custom build gadget are also gone. With each year I modified it more and more, repalcing the cheap or standard parts. It got a heavy duty carrier that allowd me to transport 80Kg truck batteries. It got a trailer coupling, allowing me to transport huge amount of equipment for projects. It got lightweight alluminium wheels and a completely customand self build light system. It got a 1W white LED headlight years before you could buy those on the market (where such an LED was 50 bucks and more). It got a small TTL logic based light control unit. Automated battery charging and whatever. The backlights got top notch bright LEDs with a constant current driver circuits. Fuck. It's all gone. And there is something else that got lost with it. When I was first visiting the old industrial ruin in Rüdersdorf with Mryia. I found a big and fancy cable shoe on the ground, took it along and hooekd it to the handlebar with some piece if wire. Back then it wasn't special but due time it reminded me of the day back then and Mryia.
It's also gone.
Next to feeling hurt about the loss I'm also upset. Seven weeks ago my bicycle got damaged at the same subway station in the evening hour (and runing the evening with friends in the cinema). Some idiots had fun kicking some bicycles, also mine. I needed a new front tire. Fortunately the bicycle shop had a 20% off day then and I took the opportunity to give my beloved bicycle a full maintenance. It felt like new afterwards. Running smooth and flawsless. Yeah, thanks.
What I don't get: why my bicycle? I used a good lock and there were way more expensive bicycles around that evening. Maybe the new parts were of interest for the thief. I have no idea. After waking up on Sunday I went back to the subway station. Just to be sure I checked the area around and the park nearby. I was hoping to maybe find it just with the tires/other parts stolen somewhere. I'd be happy to even just get the frame and some other self build stuff back. But I found nothing. It's gone. Not that I expected otherwise.
I'll file a theft report this week and hand in a photo of my bicycle. I'll also tape some lost and found notes to the street light poles nearby. The best I can hope for is that someone sees it somewhere. But I suspect nobody to be stupid enough to use it around here.
Something I don't want to think about is my bicycle being torn into pieces with the old frame being thrown away.
So, yeah, farewell my old friend.
Set of images related to this entry.
This weekend Germany was celebrating it's freedom and the fall of the wall. And I lost a part of my freedom. In the night from Saturday to Sunday some fucker stole my bicycle. People who know me a bit know how much I loved my bike.
Saturday started as good day. The sky was blue and the temperature outside surprisingly warm for this time of the year. After spending some time in the garden and after working on some projects I went to a birthday party. It was likely that I would return late in the night. Therefore I went to the subway station on my bicycle. No need to wait for the night bus half an hour. Especially not when I need to walk another 15 minutes from the Bus stop back home. With the bicycle it's just ten minutes. I went to the subway station and locked my bicycle. That was the last time I saw it.
Eventually, I was back at the subway station around 02:00AM. I went around the corner to the bicycle stands and, well, found some bikes - just not mone. It's somehow interesting how the mind works. In a time that felt like a facation of a second one part of my mind comprehended the sitiation and added another task on my DoTo list "get another bike" while the other part of my mind said "woa, stop. Lets check the facts first!". So it went through some possibilities: Is it the right subway station? Check! I'm on the right side of the station: yeah, of course, the other side doesn't look the same, not even a bit! Did I really use the bike today to the subway station? I'm pretty sure about that! Did you have too much alcohol? No, just two Beers and something that could be called cocktail. Two hours ago. After that the first part of my mind tried to keep the other part from freaking out. I refused to think any further about it and just went home. Walking. Good thing. It made me calm down. At home I spend another hour watching TV until I fell asleep. What a mercy.
Of course I'm pissed about the theft itself. I have to buy a new bicycle and that's about money, several hunded bucks. But it's partly covered by my insurance and well, such things happen in a city like Berlin. BUT I'm deeply hurt about the loss. I got this bike as Christmas present when I was 13. It was a bike for grown ups since I've outgrown my first bike. My mother was sceptical about buying me a completely new bike because I was using my old one... let's say... the hard way. I heaved it cross over and used in terrains it wasn't made for. She got a used frame (made in 1978) from one of their colleagues and had a workshop assemble all missing parts. Tires, whatever. First I was sceptical about this old bike but I soon started to love it.
Right now the small cyclometer on my desk tells me I made 83.053km on it since then. What other people might feel for their first car was my (well, still is) bicycle.
I spend a remarkable anmount of time during my youth (and up to last week) on it. It was my feeling of freedom. Going anywhere, whenever I want. And I did everything with it. I went to uncounted industrial ruins in and around Berlin on it. It carried me to almost every place I explored in my youth. It was just there. Hop on and be free. Leaving home and heading out to explore something new. Once I rode on it to Hamburg (which is about 300+km) and it carried me through Bornholm on a vacation trip with Mryia some years ago.
It's not just some stupid bike that can be replaced. It's a part of my life and so many momemories are linked to it. And not just that. All the modifications, all the custom build gadget are also gone. With each year I modified it more and more, repalcing the cheap or standard parts. It got a heavy duty carrier that allowd me to transport 80Kg truck batteries. It got a trailer coupling, allowing me to transport huge amount of equipment for projects. It got lightweight alluminium wheels and a completely customand self build light system. It got a 1W white LED headlight years before you could buy those on the market (where such an LED was 50 bucks and more). It got a small TTL logic based light control unit. Automated battery charging and whatever. The backlights got top notch bright LEDs with a constant current driver circuits. Fuck. It's all gone. And there is something else that got lost with it. When I was first visiting the old industrial ruin in Rüdersdorf with Mryia. I found a big and fancy cable shoe on the ground, took it along and hooekd it to the handlebar with some piece if wire. Back then it wasn't special but due time it reminded me of the day back then and Mryia.
It's also gone.
Next to feeling hurt about the loss I'm also upset. Seven weeks ago my bicycle got damaged at the same subway station in the evening hour (and runing the evening with friends in the cinema). Some idiots had fun kicking some bicycles, also mine. I needed a new front tire. Fortunately the bicycle shop had a 20% off day then and I took the opportunity to give my beloved bicycle a full maintenance. It felt like new afterwards. Running smooth and flawsless. Yeah, thanks.
What I don't get: why my bicycle? I used a good lock and there were way more expensive bicycles around that evening. Maybe the new parts were of interest for the thief. I have no idea. After waking up on Sunday I went back to the subway station. Just to be sure I checked the area around and the park nearby. I was hoping to maybe find it just with the tires/other parts stolen somewhere. I'd be happy to even just get the frame and some other self build stuff back. But I found nothing. It's gone. Not that I expected otherwise.
I'll file a theft report this week and hand in a photo of my bicycle. I'll also tape some lost and found notes to the street light poles nearby. The best I can hope for is that someone sees it somewhere. But I suspect nobody to be stupid enough to use it around here.
Something I don't want to think about is my bicycle being torn into pieces with the old frame being thrown away.
So, yeah, farewell my old friend.
Screw you, safety screw!
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
Picture of the DIY screwdriver.
Seriously! No one needs those stupid safety screws! If someone is stupid enough to open a device and gets fried while doing so, well, that someone has (obviously) no idea what he (or she) is doing. And has learned something important: mind the sticker that says "only to be opened by trained staff".
For everyone who knows what to do and what not: here's an easy solution for at least one typ of safety screws:
► 1) Get yourself a screw driver of a suitable size. Make sure to get one with an extra hard tip.
► 2) Find a metall saw with a suitable width and cut a dent with the needed width into it. If the blade of the saw happens to be too small: angle the saw a bit or widen the cut with a file afterwards.
► 3) Have fun!
Picture of the DIY screwdriver.
Seriously! No one needs those stupid safety screws! If someone is stupid enough to open a device and gets fried while doing so, well, that someone has (obviously) no idea what he (or she) is doing. And has learned something important: mind the sticker that says "only to be opened by trained staff".
For everyone who knows what to do and what not: here's an easy solution for at least one typ of safety screws:
► 1) Get yourself a screw driver of a suitable size. Make sure to get one with an extra hard tip.
► 2) Find a metall saw with a suitable width and cut a dent with the needed width into it. If the blade of the saw happens to be too small: angle the saw a bit or widen the cut with a file afterwards.
► 3) Have fun!
Salvage it! LEDs for free
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
Picture of such a LED lamp disassembled.
Every now and then I need to get stuff from the hardware store nearby. Whenever I go I'll check the "old and broken lamps box" for goodies. Most of the stuff in there are incandescent bulbs and regular fluorescent lamps. Sometimes, when I need spare parts with grid voltage rating I'll take some old compact fluorescent lamp (so called "energy saver lamps") back home. But since LED lamps got cheaper and cheaper during the last couple of years those ende up in the box more and more frequently as well. Those are always welcome as they're a good source for optics and - of course - white (highpower) LEDs.
In more than 50% I was even able to fix the lamp. In most cases it's a fault in the PSU (Power Supply Unit). Depending on the brand (and therefore how the lamp was designed) the lamp either uses a cheap capacitive transformer or a real (sadly most times just voltage controlled) SMPS (Switch Mode Power Supply). From my experience I can tell the following:
Lamps with cheap, capacitive PSUs: in most case the fsue (or fusistor) blew due to a too large inrush current (switching the lamp on with the sine of the grid at it's peak). Those are simple to fix. But in some cases those aren't worth the fix. First, those cheap lamps use cheap LEDs with a bad light quality. Also the LEDs age pretty fast. Second: The cheap PSU runs the LEDs in a way they will age even faster. The quality of the emitted light will tell you about the grade of aging. Most LEDs start to emitt a light with a huge amount of blue and green that. It looks somewhat rotten/foul.
Lamps that come with a real SMPS PSU can be worth the time it takes to fix them. I recommend to check whether the LED array still works first. Not all PSUs insulate the LEDs from the grid (like a fully isolated transformer) but rather use some sort of on-line buck inverter. In some cases the inverter blew up and took all LEDs along. But in case the LED array works: give it a try. Usually the fuse (or fusistor) blew up (again: inrush current) or the switching transistor has gone short circuit (and took the fuse along). A dried out cap can also keep the SMPS from starting properly. You have to see.
WARNING: be careful when running measurements with the lamp powered: The LED array will at LEAST run with about 100V. Usually the voltage varies between 90 and 140V.
► Capacitive transformers offer no galvanic insulation. Touching ANY part of the board/LED array will get you a nasty electric shock. With or without the LEDs working, a voltage of at least around 100V will be present around the LED array.
► Even SMPS PSUs that run the LED array fully insulated provide voltages of about 100V to the LED array.
In the picture below the 25 LED array runs with approx 90V (25 LEDs x ca. 3,4V each =~ 85V)
WARNING: EVEN if there is JUST one single high power LED in the Lamp it will run with about 100V. It's not a single DIE, but many small DIEs connected in series in one chassis. So called COB (Chip on Board) LEDs.
Why approx 100V for the LED array? It makes the LED lamps flexibile for international use. In countries with 230-240V AC all it takes is a small capacitive transformer (*barf*) or a at least simple buck inverter. The small LED current of about 50mA allows the use of small components which in return allows to keep the lamp socket small (and the energy loss). In countries with 110-120V AC those lamps can run almost directly from the grid. All it takes is a small current limiting resistor, a rectifier and a small filter capaciter to keep the ripple small and the LED from flickering (much).
Picture of such a LED lamp disassembled.
Every now and then I need to get stuff from the hardware store nearby. Whenever I go I'll check the "old and broken lamps box" for goodies. Most of the stuff in there are incandescent bulbs and regular fluorescent lamps. Sometimes, when I need spare parts with grid voltage rating I'll take some old compact fluorescent lamp (so called "energy saver lamps") back home. But since LED lamps got cheaper and cheaper during the last couple of years those ende up in the box more and more frequently as well. Those are always welcome as they're a good source for optics and - of course - white (highpower) LEDs.
In more than 50% I was even able to fix the lamp. In most cases it's a fault in the PSU (Power Supply Unit). Depending on the brand (and therefore how the lamp was designed) the lamp either uses a cheap capacitive transformer or a real (sadly most times just voltage controlled) SMPS (Switch Mode Power Supply). From my experience I can tell the following:
Lamps with cheap, capacitive PSUs: in most case the fsue (or fusistor) blew due to a too large inrush current (switching the lamp on with the sine of the grid at it's peak). Those are simple to fix. But in some cases those aren't worth the fix. First, those cheap lamps use cheap LEDs with a bad light quality. Also the LEDs age pretty fast. Second: The cheap PSU runs the LEDs in a way they will age even faster. The quality of the emitted light will tell you about the grade of aging. Most LEDs start to emitt a light with a huge amount of blue and green that. It looks somewhat rotten/foul.
Lamps that come with a real SMPS PSU can be worth the time it takes to fix them. I recommend to check whether the LED array still works first. Not all PSUs insulate the LEDs from the grid (like a fully isolated transformer) but rather use some sort of on-line buck inverter. In some cases the inverter blew up and took all LEDs along. But in case the LED array works: give it a try. Usually the fuse (or fusistor) blew up (again: inrush current) or the switching transistor has gone short circuit (and took the fuse along). A dried out cap can also keep the SMPS from starting properly. You have to see.
WARNING: be careful when running measurements with the lamp powered: The LED array will at LEAST run with about 100V. Usually the voltage varies between 90 and 140V.
► Capacitive transformers offer no galvanic insulation. Touching ANY part of the board/LED array will get you a nasty electric shock. With or without the LEDs working, a voltage of at least around 100V will be present around the LED array.
► Even SMPS PSUs that run the LED array fully insulated provide voltages of about 100V to the LED array.
In the picture below the 25 LED array runs with approx 90V (25 LEDs x ca. 3,4V each =~ 85V)
WARNING: EVEN if there is JUST one single high power LED in the Lamp it will run with about 100V. It's not a single DIE, but many small DIEs connected in series in one chassis. So called COB (Chip on Board) LEDs.
Why approx 100V for the LED array? It makes the LED lamps flexibile for international use. In countries with 230-240V AC all it takes is a small capacitive transformer (*barf*) or a at least simple buck inverter. The small LED current of about 50mA allows the use of small components which in return allows to keep the lamp socket small (and the energy loss). In countries with 110-120V AC those lamps can run almost directly from the grid. All it takes is a small current limiting resistor, a rectifier and a small filter capaciter to keep the ripple small and the LED from flickering (much).
"Who Am I ?" (well, at least not) "Lucy"
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
It's late, I'm kinda bouncy and with good spirits. Before I decide - once more - "yeah.. I'll write that tomorrow" I do that now. There's already a lot of stuff I made notes about on my list... again. Lot of projects and social issues. Time consuming ones.
Anyway! I happened to watch two awesome flicks lately. No spoilers ahead, so you can read on without being worried.
"Who I Am?"
After watching some teasers I was pretty sure it would be another (more modern) Version of the 1995-Version of "hackers. Therefore I made the decision to not spend huge amounts of money on a cinema trip but rather see it when given the chance. Eventually I was watching it along with my GF when visiting her some weeks ago. We both were left stunned. It started, like hackers, with a rather serious intro that soon turned into silly tech stuff. No need to mention that you, if you happen to have some knowlede about electronics, communication hardware or inftrastructure, going to facepalm a lot. Or, like we did, enjoy the show and laugh a lot. The fact that the movie was filmed in Berlin helps a lot to get - at least for a citizen of Berlin - even more fun out of the movie. But soon after the fun part is over the flick gets pretty serious. It's the classy story: nerd gets friends and soon they're up to no good. While doing more and more stuff they soon cross a certain line and the consequences make them regret it for a lot of trouble is ahead. It get never boring and there is always something going on that keeps the mind busy. Like said, I'm not going to spoil anything. But the end is quite the brainfuck. :)
The trailers for this flick paint a completely wrong picture of it. Out of 10 Points this flick get a straight 8! Go, watch it!
"Lucy"
Frankly, the first thing that came to my mind while watching a trailer on the tellie was "oh, another Kill Bill like flick with some lady going all postal. Big carnage ahead." In fact, there's some carnage going on. But it's okay. The short version is: a young woman happens to get drugs in her bloodstream that makes her use more and more of her brain until she's all up to all 100%. She starts to develop a lot of funny and awesome skills. The movie is quite a popcorn flick for it runs quite linear. Better not to expect big story twists. What makes the flick interesting is wondering what her next skill will be and how she's gonna use it. Next to a lot of funny scenes it also gets more and more philosophicalas it approaches the end.
Out of 10 this one gets a 4,5.
It's late, I'm kinda bouncy and with good spirits. Before I decide - once more - "yeah.. I'll write that tomorrow" I do that now. There's already a lot of stuff I made notes about on my list... again. Lot of projects and social issues. Time consuming ones.
Anyway! I happened to watch two awesome flicks lately. No spoilers ahead, so you can read on without being worried.
"Who I Am?"
After watching some teasers I was pretty sure it would be another (more modern) Version of the 1995-Version of "hackers. Therefore I made the decision to not spend huge amounts of money on a cinema trip but rather see it when given the chance. Eventually I was watching it along with my GF when visiting her some weeks ago. We both were left stunned. It started, like hackers, with a rather serious intro that soon turned into silly tech stuff. No need to mention that you, if you happen to have some knowlede about electronics, communication hardware or inftrastructure, going to facepalm a lot. Or, like we did, enjoy the show and laugh a lot. The fact that the movie was filmed in Berlin helps a lot to get - at least for a citizen of Berlin - even more fun out of the movie. But soon after the fun part is over the flick gets pretty serious. It's the classy story: nerd gets friends and soon they're up to no good. While doing more and more stuff they soon cross a certain line and the consequences make them regret it for a lot of trouble is ahead. It get never boring and there is always something going on that keeps the mind busy. Like said, I'm not going to spoil anything. But the end is quite the brainfuck. :)
The trailers for this flick paint a completely wrong picture of it. Out of 10 Points this flick get a straight 8! Go, watch it!
"Lucy"
Frankly, the first thing that came to my mind while watching a trailer on the tellie was "oh, another Kill Bill like flick with some lady going all postal. Big carnage ahead." In fact, there's some carnage going on. But it's okay. The short version is: a young woman happens to get drugs in her bloodstream that makes her use more and more of her brain until she's all up to all 100%. She starts to develop a lot of funny and awesome skills. The movie is quite a popcorn flick for it runs quite linear. Better not to expect big story twists. What makes the flick interesting is wondering what her next skill will be and how she's gonna use it. Next to a lot of funny scenes it also gets more and more philosophicalas it approaches the end.
Out of 10 this one gets a 4,5.
Glass Blowing Workshop
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
Pictures I took from there workshop are available online here.
:linkusertabalon, :linkuserpanhesekielshiroi, :linkuserjumpy and Eisfuchs got me a birthday present you likely get only once in a lifetime - A voucer for a Glassblowing workshop. No need to mention how bouncy and nuts I was about it. I've been working with glass every now and then since ages. Mostly creating Tiffany- and Leaded-Glass windows pictures. The idea of working with molten glass came to my mind every now and then. Primary in the context of creating small figures, like a lot of people do in the small town called Lauscha (Wikipedia: Lauscha). Lauscha is called "the home town of the glass craftsmanship and the hometown of the bauble". It's located in the middle of Germany in the state Thuringia. I spend sever winter holidays there with relatives and it was always fun.
Anyway! Last Saturday it was my turn to try my skills with molten glass. I visited the glass atelier from Berlin Glass e.V. a small society that offers atelier workspace for rent and public use. Finding the address wasn't a problem. The proper building, in fact, was hard to find - everything looked pretty abandoned. After I spend some minutes wandering around I found the workshop and was, to be honest, a fair bit disapp… surprised. The website of named association was all fancy and I was expecting a huge workspace with a lot of tables and lots of people at work. What I saw was a small (really) hall with the most interesting thing being the main furnace and the glory hole. In fact the only things they have photos from on their website. Well, so the first impression wasn't the best one. But let's not live by impressions but let’s do something.
The Workshop started with a brief introduction to some tools, dos and don'ts when working with glass or being near the furnace. Speaking of the furnace. What an energy consuming monstrosity. It holds 180Kg of glass (which is about 180Ltr.) and consumes around 10kW constantly only to keep the molten glass on a constant temperature of 1610°C (Grad Celsius for the foreign readers). Just calculate the amount of energy in kW/h and money this best requires on a daily basis. And that doesn't even include the amount it needs to create/melt glass. In Germany that's about 60 EUR/day, taking they have a regular contract and none for a business that requires a lot of energy. Also worth mentioning is the heating system itself. It exists of a 3-Phase transformer that transforms the 400V Grid-Voltage down to 36V. The temperature regulation happens by using wave packet modulation. Which means there are Tricas in the control unit that won't cut the waves somewhere in the middle but use full periods. Which, in fact, is the only simple and usable concept in this case. Everything else would feed a mess of distortions back to the grid. Also worth thinking about: mow many Amps are 10kW on each of all three phases with a voltage of 36V? ~160A. Which requires thick cables. Inside, like you see on the photo, there are six heating elements made from special metal that won't oxidize instantly when driven to a temperature near the point of glowing all white. I guess the heating elements are covered themself.
The second impressive instrument was the heating unit called "glory gole". It's basically a huge oven with shutters where you put your workpiece into to heat it up again so you can go on with your work. It uses a mix of pre heated, compressed air and Propane gas for heating. The amount of created heat is about 14kW. The interior is coated with a special concrete that withstands temperatures up to 1800°C and is heated up to the point where it glows almost white. My partner lost a workpiece in it and it instantly melted into the concrete. Funny thing.
You can't imagine the heat. It is incredible. I mean it. You just can't. We had shields in front of both the furnace and the glory hole to shield most of the heat but it was still almost unbearable. It's hard to imagine HOW much heat gets radiated even when the shutter of the furnace is open just about 10cm. I'm not the one that shies away from excessive heat instantly or that can't take some pain but after just 5-8 seconds I couldn't bear it any longer. I had to be very quick when taking more glass from the furnace. I once opened the shutter full to take a photo. I had to take it from 3 meters away. Even two meters was not bearable for more than 20 seconds. What can I say? Both, the 180Kg of molten glass and the special concrete almost glowing white radiate lots of infrared. In the end I was rewarded with a medium sunburn on both arms. And I had already a quite brown skin from all the time I spend in my garden this summer.
For the wise people that think: dude, use clothing with long sleeves: yeah, you're funny! I showed up in clothing suitable for welding. But as soon as I was near the furnace I regret wearing a thick shirt made of cotton. I changed. The Workshop heated up to about 40°C after an hour. Soon I was all soaked and the fabric stuck to the skin which kept me from being agile - which was important.
We had the opportunity to work on two pieces. The first was a multi-colored marble which used small glass shards to color the transparent glass from the furnace. The knowledge to gather from this was to get a feeling (and see) how glass flows, how fast it flows and how to guide the glass into directions. Also how fast glass melts again when being introduced to the glory hole. The colored glass helped a lot understanding. Speaking of understanding: I also tried something else when it comes to learning new things. Usually, I'm the first to try something in a group while everyone else is still unsure. This time I forced myself to be the last. That wasn't easy but I could already learn a lot about the medium glass by watching the mistakes others make and how the material behaves. The most important thing: don't add pressure to glass (most of the time) but just let it form itself by gravity.
The second piece we should create was a drinking glass, which was the piece where we should learn how to blow glass. Like before, I preferred to watch. Which was a good thing, because my piece started to turn out the way it should. I started with a perfect small bubble of glass which I was able to expand further to a small tube that got cut open along the way. At some point in the process of forming the glass a second hand is required and that's where the workpiece got partly damaged. My partner turned the hot glass too slow (or I forgot to tell him 'go faster') while I was blowing and further expanding it. The almost perfect tube became aslant and I wasn't able to correct it because the glass was prone to become too thing on one side. I've to admit that I'm still a bit grumpy about. I'm a perfectionist and I was all happy about the good work I did. But well, maybe I'm going to ask how much they charge only for the drinking glass project itself. I know I can do it and I want to prove it to myself.
I wish I had taken more pictures but - like you may guess - hot glass hates waiting. It either deforms or gets cold.
So... in the end: I'm still a bit disappointed about the workshop for I thought I'm able to take some more impressions and ideas how stuff work along back home. For all other things: yes, so worth it! Our tutor knew his craft well and even when the workshop was a tad too short for my linking (and endurance... hell... when I'm already all wet nothing keeps me from going on! If you don't sweat and get all dirty it's no fun!). It was an awesome experience and I took a good bunch of basic knowledge and experience with me.
Thank so you soooo much folks for this present! That something I won't forget about for a long, long time! :)
Pictures I took from there workshop are available online here.
:linkusertabalon, :linkuserpanhesekielshiroi, :linkuserjumpy and Eisfuchs got me a birthday present you likely get only once in a lifetime - A voucer for a Glassblowing workshop. No need to mention how bouncy and nuts I was about it. I've been working with glass every now and then since ages. Mostly creating Tiffany- and Leaded-Glass windows pictures. The idea of working with molten glass came to my mind every now and then. Primary in the context of creating small figures, like a lot of people do in the small town called Lauscha (Wikipedia: Lauscha). Lauscha is called "the home town of the glass craftsmanship and the hometown of the bauble". It's located in the middle of Germany in the state Thuringia. I spend sever winter holidays there with relatives and it was always fun.
Anyway! Last Saturday it was my turn to try my skills with molten glass. I visited the glass atelier from Berlin Glass e.V. a small society that offers atelier workspace for rent and public use. Finding the address wasn't a problem. The proper building, in fact, was hard to find - everything looked pretty abandoned. After I spend some minutes wandering around I found the workshop and was, to be honest, a fair bit disapp… surprised. The website of named association was all fancy and I was expecting a huge workspace with a lot of tables and lots of people at work. What I saw was a small (really) hall with the most interesting thing being the main furnace and the glory hole. In fact the only things they have photos from on their website. Well, so the first impression wasn't the best one. But let's not live by impressions but let’s do something.
The Workshop started with a brief introduction to some tools, dos and don'ts when working with glass or being near the furnace. Speaking of the furnace. What an energy consuming monstrosity. It holds 180Kg of glass (which is about 180Ltr.) and consumes around 10kW constantly only to keep the molten glass on a constant temperature of 1610°C (Grad Celsius for the foreign readers). Just calculate the amount of energy in kW/h and money this best requires on a daily basis. And that doesn't even include the amount it needs to create/melt glass. In Germany that's about 60 EUR/day, taking they have a regular contract and none for a business that requires a lot of energy. Also worth mentioning is the heating system itself. It exists of a 3-Phase transformer that transforms the 400V Grid-Voltage down to 36V. The temperature regulation happens by using wave packet modulation. Which means there are Tricas in the control unit that won't cut the waves somewhere in the middle but use full periods. Which, in fact, is the only simple and usable concept in this case. Everything else would feed a mess of distortions back to the grid. Also worth thinking about: mow many Amps are 10kW on each of all three phases with a voltage of 36V? ~160A. Which requires thick cables. Inside, like you see on the photo, there are six heating elements made from special metal that won't oxidize instantly when driven to a temperature near the point of glowing all white. I guess the heating elements are covered themself.
The second impressive instrument was the heating unit called "glory gole". It's basically a huge oven with shutters where you put your workpiece into to heat it up again so you can go on with your work. It uses a mix of pre heated, compressed air and Propane gas for heating. The amount of created heat is about 14kW. The interior is coated with a special concrete that withstands temperatures up to 1800°C and is heated up to the point where it glows almost white. My partner lost a workpiece in it and it instantly melted into the concrete. Funny thing.
You can't imagine the heat. It is incredible. I mean it. You just can't. We had shields in front of both the furnace and the glory hole to shield most of the heat but it was still almost unbearable. It's hard to imagine HOW much heat gets radiated even when the shutter of the furnace is open just about 10cm. I'm not the one that shies away from excessive heat instantly or that can't take some pain but after just 5-8 seconds I couldn't bear it any longer. I had to be very quick when taking more glass from the furnace. I once opened the shutter full to take a photo. I had to take it from 3 meters away. Even two meters was not bearable for more than 20 seconds. What can I say? Both, the 180Kg of molten glass and the special concrete almost glowing white radiate lots of infrared. In the end I was rewarded with a medium sunburn on both arms. And I had already a quite brown skin from all the time I spend in my garden this summer.
For the wise people that think: dude, use clothing with long sleeves: yeah, you're funny! I showed up in clothing suitable for welding. But as soon as I was near the furnace I regret wearing a thick shirt made of cotton. I changed. The Workshop heated up to about 40°C after an hour. Soon I was all soaked and the fabric stuck to the skin which kept me from being agile - which was important.
We had the opportunity to work on two pieces. The first was a multi-colored marble which used small glass shards to color the transparent glass from the furnace. The knowledge to gather from this was to get a feeling (and see) how glass flows, how fast it flows and how to guide the glass into directions. Also how fast glass melts again when being introduced to the glory hole. The colored glass helped a lot understanding. Speaking of understanding: I also tried something else when it comes to learning new things. Usually, I'm the first to try something in a group while everyone else is still unsure. This time I forced myself to be the last. That wasn't easy but I could already learn a lot about the medium glass by watching the mistakes others make and how the material behaves. The most important thing: don't add pressure to glass (most of the time) but just let it form itself by gravity.
The second piece we should create was a drinking glass, which was the piece where we should learn how to blow glass. Like before, I preferred to watch. Which was a good thing, because my piece started to turn out the way it should. I started with a perfect small bubble of glass which I was able to expand further to a small tube that got cut open along the way. At some point in the process of forming the glass a second hand is required and that's where the workpiece got partly damaged. My partner turned the hot glass too slow (or I forgot to tell him 'go faster') while I was blowing and further expanding it. The almost perfect tube became aslant and I wasn't able to correct it because the glass was prone to become too thing on one side. I've to admit that I'm still a bit grumpy about. I'm a perfectionist and I was all happy about the good work I did. But well, maybe I'm going to ask how much they charge only for the drinking glass project itself. I know I can do it and I want to prove it to myself.
I wish I had taken more pictures but - like you may guess - hot glass hates waiting. It either deforms or gets cold.
So... in the end: I'm still a bit disappointed about the workshop for I thought I'm able to take some more impressions and ideas how stuff work along back home. For all other things: yes, so worth it! Our tutor knew his craft well and even when the workshop was a tad too short for my linking (and endurance... hell... when I'm already all wet nothing keeps me from going on! If you don't sweat and get all dirty it's no fun!). It was an awesome experience and I took a good bunch of basic knowledge and experience with me.
Thank so you soooo much folks for this present! That something I won't forget about for a long, long time! :)
How to kill friendships - A manual
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
I wrote this in a different context but I think the outcome is worth its own post. It also offers the first insight of what was going on with me (and inside me) for the last years.
You need to understand the difference between working with friends and working with volunteers (no friend status at all, maybe just sympathy): Friends take you as you are. They know you and tolerate a lot because they know why you are the way you are. They know how you may act when stressed. Still, they like you for what their very own soul finds within you. As long as they can read and see you. But their tolerance is not for free. They expect the same thing of you. Without knowing it. Friendship can't be gained with arguments, money, pressure, by laws or something alike. It's a feeling. The feeling of being welcome, being understood and having somone you can turn to in hard times. Or even a feeling you don't even understand. When that feeling is gone, there's nothing that brings such a friendship back. It's over. Done. Broken.
Volunteers don't have that insight. They're expecting (without even knowing because it's happens deep down in the mind) several things. Like a certain kind of reward (again, most people don't even know what drives them so, as a team lead, it's your job to get behind that so you can keep them motivated.). But basically it boils down to: motivation and playing the boss game by following certain social rules.
But now comes the trap: Friends require time. Friends require peace of mind so you'll be able to _listen_ to the words they _don't_ voice. If you're stressed yourself all the time friends start to feel unimportant, not understood. They start to see the way you behave in a different light and at some point it turns. They start seeing you from the point of a volunteer, not a friend. The problem is: it goes slow. Too slow to notice. When being stressed it's even harder to see how friends are screeming deep within for your attention. It's not that they yell at you. It happens slowly and slow processes are hardly noticable most times. And at some point it's over. Friends feel lost and they start seeing you with the eyes a of volunteers, not friends. The rules change and they will bill you for everything you've done to them in the past. It's a point of - so often - no return.
And all you do is wondering: what happened? And there is only one thing you can do: say you're sorry and leave them alone for a while. Depending one situation: 6 months, a year, or even longer. 10 year. Until your friends understand themself what happpend which may take a long time because they're pissed and blame you. Don't dare to force a discussion. They won't listen, not with their heart. They're too hurt to give you emotional credits and each time you address the issue they'll feel stressed again and blame you. You happen to become a factor of stress. Even if you have good intentions. But like the saying goes: the path to hell is paved with good intentions. People need, like yourself, time to calm down and relativize stuff. They need time until they're calm enough to even allow themself to accept the slightest new (positive) impression from your side to sink in.
And yes, you end up broken and insecure because you have a hard time trusting your own words because - like it seems - everything you say isn't right. Getting back to the point where you trust yourself to voice thoughts is a long road. Mostly because you yearn for a warm feeling, for feeling welcome and you fear that every new words causes more damage.
What makes it even worse: Your friends want to be your friends. They see that you change and with every harsh words you use against them they feel like they did something wrong. They want to be your friends. They want you to like them and so they try to adapt, trying to change what you seem to not like about them. They change. You notice the change and try to adapt as well. Both sides end up in not understanding each other any longer because both sides try to be someone they're not.
So the mistake is: having no peaece of mind, no free time. Doing too much stuff. Cut down your workload to about 50%. And don't dare to think "Oh, someone needs help, I have 50% time free!". Don't. Do. That. You can't help others when you're starving. It's painful to watch but everything else will lead to a disaster. At worst you keep other away from learning something. Protection isn't always good. You know... the child that touches the hot plate. It won't kill the kid but it learns something: yes the plate is not and mommy is sometimes right. If you can't managed that, well, the street will get more and more foggy while you drive at 180km/h. And life's a bitch: at some point there will be a wall in the middle of the street. It's as easy and binary as that. Lower the workload or go on and see it all shatter into pieces, hitting the wall.
Also: yes, the word "workaholic" was choosen on purpose. It works like alcohol. You get addict to it. The body works with associations. The body and mind want to feel happy and content. So the chain is: work -> done -> feeing accomplished -> endorphine -> good feeling -> wanting more -> more work. And the real bitch is: if you start to expect a project to not work out your body will already respond with stress because it fears it won't get it's good feeling. You get snappy and everyone wonders about. I've been there. I'm still. But it gets better. Friends help. Abandoning stuff I loved helps (even if it makes me cry sometimes).
There's a multipiler for that that accelerates those shattered pices to 1000km/h: going on "just because". Going on just because no one else does the work when you don't it. Because people expect you to go on. And the worst of all: "Going on just because my friends hate me already, when I stop doing what I do there's nothing left that holds us together. The more you stick together "just because" the worse it gets because it's stress. The question you should ask yourself is: do you want to do stuff with friends or work with them? Good old Phelan has a saying for that: "I don't care what we do. As long as I do stuff with friends - because that's fun. I'm okay with shoveling shit all day long, when we're together.".
When it comes to leading people there's something else (and of huge importance) that needs to be understood: technicians can NEVER EVER be good leads. Because: they're technicians. It's psychology. Technicians will never be able to get a native feeling for other people. Technicians analyse. They solve problems with logic. Human being aren't logical. Only a socializer can be a good team lead (but can never be good at making technical decisions or structural/organisational ones). It's a rule by nature and technicans need to hit the wall really hard before they accept that. They may know it but don't accept. Why? Because: technicians analyse and fix stuff. If something doesn't work it's just a matter of efford and engineering until it works. So they think. That's the trap. It doesn't work. Also: passion. You get good at it when passion for excelling and when the desire getting better drives you. You even have fun doing what you do. Doing stuff that stresses you (like social engineering as a technician) won't make you happy. It's stress. Of course you can learn stuff but learning stuff isn't the same as understanding stuff.
You can see it in larger companies: departments with technical background with always rant about the departments related to social stuff. Why? They don't understand each other. Not with words but with the way they are and how they work in mind. It's about feelings.
Oh, one more important thing: don't dare to run more than ONE big job. Leading a team and following own projects. Just forget about that. It will never ever find a good ending because when something hits the wall all your attention needs to be focused on that. If the other side wants your attention as well: you're fucked. And both sides feel left alone.
I've hit that wall twice during the last 12 Months. Because I was working on four (4) projects in parallel. On some for 10 years. Because I have a lot of energy and I'm pretty stubborn. I'm a perfectionist. Stuff MUST work. I took several hours visiting a specialist and lots of time with my self - alone - to find a hint of myself again and It'll take years until I'm all myself again - while the world moves on - which is hard to endure. Lesson learned. But that's a different topic. Maybe I write about that later.
And there's a mistake I made by writing this: I'm a technician. I analyse. I have hardly any emotional emapathy in this posting. It's not because I'm an ass that like to put fingers in a wound. It's the way I am. I can be as warm and gentle as every other being, but it takes the righ people to see it. Friends.
I wrote this in a different context but I think the outcome is worth its own post. It also offers the first insight of what was going on with me (and inside me) for the last years.
You need to understand the difference between working with friends and working with volunteers (no friend status at all, maybe just sympathy): Friends take you as you are. They know you and tolerate a lot because they know why you are the way you are. They know how you may act when stressed. Still, they like you for what their very own soul finds within you. As long as they can read and see you. But their tolerance is not for free. They expect the same thing of you. Without knowing it. Friendship can't be gained with arguments, money, pressure, by laws or something alike. It's a feeling. The feeling of being welcome, being understood and having somone you can turn to in hard times. Or even a feeling you don't even understand. When that feeling is gone, there's nothing that brings such a friendship back. It's over. Done. Broken.
Volunteers don't have that insight. They're expecting (without even knowing because it's happens deep down in the mind) several things. Like a certain kind of reward (again, most people don't even know what drives them so, as a team lead, it's your job to get behind that so you can keep them motivated.). But basically it boils down to: motivation and playing the boss game by following certain social rules.
But now comes the trap: Friends require time. Friends require peace of mind so you'll be able to _listen_ to the words they _don't_ voice. If you're stressed yourself all the time friends start to feel unimportant, not understood. They start to see the way you behave in a different light and at some point it turns. They start seeing you from the point of a volunteer, not a friend. The problem is: it goes slow. Too slow to notice. When being stressed it's even harder to see how friends are screeming deep within for your attention. It's not that they yell at you. It happens slowly and slow processes are hardly noticable most times. And at some point it's over. Friends feel lost and they start seeing you with the eyes a of volunteers, not friends. The rules change and they will bill you for everything you've done to them in the past. It's a point of - so often - no return.
And all you do is wondering: what happened? And there is only one thing you can do: say you're sorry and leave them alone for a while. Depending one situation: 6 months, a year, or even longer. 10 year. Until your friends understand themself what happpend which may take a long time because they're pissed and blame you. Don't dare to force a discussion. They won't listen, not with their heart. They're too hurt to give you emotional credits and each time you address the issue they'll feel stressed again and blame you. You happen to become a factor of stress. Even if you have good intentions. But like the saying goes: the path to hell is paved with good intentions. People need, like yourself, time to calm down and relativize stuff. They need time until they're calm enough to even allow themself to accept the slightest new (positive) impression from your side to sink in.
And yes, you end up broken and insecure because you have a hard time trusting your own words because - like it seems - everything you say isn't right. Getting back to the point where you trust yourself to voice thoughts is a long road. Mostly because you yearn for a warm feeling, for feeling welcome and you fear that every new words causes more damage.
What makes it even worse: Your friends want to be your friends. They see that you change and with every harsh words you use against them they feel like they did something wrong. They want to be your friends. They want you to like them and so they try to adapt, trying to change what you seem to not like about them. They change. You notice the change and try to adapt as well. Both sides end up in not understanding each other any longer because both sides try to be someone they're not.
So the mistake is: having no peaece of mind, no free time. Doing too much stuff. Cut down your workload to about 50%. And don't dare to think "Oh, someone needs help, I have 50% time free!". Don't. Do. That. You can't help others when you're starving. It's painful to watch but everything else will lead to a disaster. At worst you keep other away from learning something. Protection isn't always good. You know... the child that touches the hot plate. It won't kill the kid but it learns something: yes the plate is not and mommy is sometimes right. If you can't managed that, well, the street will get more and more foggy while you drive at 180km/h. And life's a bitch: at some point there will be a wall in the middle of the street. It's as easy and binary as that. Lower the workload or go on and see it all shatter into pieces, hitting the wall.
Also: yes, the word "workaholic" was choosen on purpose. It works like alcohol. You get addict to it. The body works with associations. The body and mind want to feel happy and content. So the chain is: work -> done -> feeing accomplished -> endorphine -> good feeling -> wanting more -> more work. And the real bitch is: if you start to expect a project to not work out your body will already respond with stress because it fears it won't get it's good feeling. You get snappy and everyone wonders about. I've been there. I'm still. But it gets better. Friends help. Abandoning stuff I loved helps (even if it makes me cry sometimes).
There's a multipiler for that that accelerates those shattered pices to 1000km/h: going on "just because". Going on just because no one else does the work when you don't it. Because people expect you to go on. And the worst of all: "Going on just because my friends hate me already, when I stop doing what I do there's nothing left that holds us together. The more you stick together "just because" the worse it gets because it's stress. The question you should ask yourself is: do you want to do stuff with friends or work with them? Good old Phelan has a saying for that: "I don't care what we do. As long as I do stuff with friends - because that's fun. I'm okay with shoveling shit all day long, when we're together.".
When it comes to leading people there's something else (and of huge importance) that needs to be understood: technicians can NEVER EVER be good leads. Because: they're technicians. It's psychology. Technicians will never be able to get a native feeling for other people. Technicians analyse. They solve problems with logic. Human being aren't logical. Only a socializer can be a good team lead (but can never be good at making technical decisions or structural/organisational ones). It's a rule by nature and technicans need to hit the wall really hard before they accept that. They may know it but don't accept. Why? Because: technicians analyse and fix stuff. If something doesn't work it's just a matter of efford and engineering until it works. So they think. That's the trap. It doesn't work. Also: passion. You get good at it when passion for excelling and when the desire getting better drives you. You even have fun doing what you do. Doing stuff that stresses you (like social engineering as a technician) won't make you happy. It's stress. Of course you can learn stuff but learning stuff isn't the same as understanding stuff.
You can see it in larger companies: departments with technical background with always rant about the departments related to social stuff. Why? They don't understand each other. Not with words but with the way they are and how they work in mind. It's about feelings.
Oh, one more important thing: don't dare to run more than ONE big job. Leading a team and following own projects. Just forget about that. It will never ever find a good ending because when something hits the wall all your attention needs to be focused on that. If the other side wants your attention as well: you're fucked. And both sides feel left alone.
I've hit that wall twice during the last 12 Months. Because I was working on four (4) projects in parallel. On some for 10 years. Because I have a lot of energy and I'm pretty stubborn. I'm a perfectionist. Stuff MUST work. I took several hours visiting a specialist and lots of time with my self - alone - to find a hint of myself again and It'll take years until I'm all myself again - while the world moves on - which is hard to endure. Lesson learned. But that's a different topic. Maybe I write about that later.
And there's a mistake I made by writing this: I'm a technician. I analyse. I have hardly any emotional emapathy in this posting. It's not because I'm an ass that like to put fingers in a wound. It's the way I am. I can be as warm and gentle as every other being, but it takes the righ people to see it. Friends.
Guardians of the Galaxy - A Review
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
I finally get to write this. Free time where I’m not tired is rare lately.
First of all: relax. No mayor spoilers ahead. I will mention elements from three different scenes and give you a fair warning ahead. Bu those are none that will ruin the movie for you. In case you haven't seen it - what you should change as fast as you can. :)
About two weeks ago I was finally able to watch Guardians of the Galaxy. So here are some impressions on this flick.
The Story is, well, known and otherwise nothing I'd call special. It comes with a lot of spontaneous humor and also with humor that's predicable - in a way you know the authors want you to know what will happen next so you can watch every detail as our five friends advance towards a small disaster. Usually it ends in a funny argument or some hilarious shooting- and wreck-it-all scene. It’s the way of predicable humor where you sit there, thinking "Nononono! Bad idea! Told you I saw that comming!".
The timing works also like a charm. There are several scenes where, just when it start to become boring, something happens and changes the situation instantly so you forget about that from one to another second. Like when two characters talking to each other and it may lead to something cheesy.
Something that completely amazing about this movie is the special effects. It's done with a completely new grade of details and depth, even in the shooting and fire scenes where stuff seems to be blurry. Still, if you focus on it, you soon realize that the animators paid a lot of attention to even unimportant background elements - next to the important ones.
Start Minor Spoiler: There is one scene where, as far as I remember, Rocket undresses and turns his back towards the screen. About half a dozen connectors (like from Matrix) become visible on his back. He stands there, not moving, for about 1-2 seconds. It leaves a quite nasty and repulsive first impression. Naked, partly colored skin with some small patches of ugly fur and then those connectors. Eww! But suddenly Rocket shifts and his back becomes alive. The impression turns changes completely. From repulsive to beautiful. I have no clue how many hours/days/weeks the animators must have spend on this scene - but it's a masterpiece of animation. It's the most realistic animation of anatomy and physics I've ever seen so far. Every muscle is animated with so much detail as it shifts under the skin, pulling the skin along where the connectors are. It’s amazing to see the how realistic all those connectors affect the shifting of the skin and how it stretches between them. For a moment I was completely absorbed into the beauty of the scene that underlines how fragile Rocket is and how much the fact, that he's man made and how torn he must feel inside. Spoiler End.
What I'm very glad about is, despite a lot of shooting and fighting, there's nothing I’d call a carnage. The movie is quite unbloody what makes it, at least for me, a lot more enjoyable. Even when someone dies (what happens a lot) it doesn't ruin the impression that the flick is rather comedy and popcorn cinema then a war-flick (which would suit the story also).
Another thing worth mentioning is character interaction. Usually a group forms and sticks together. Each one gets a roll and stays true to it. Not in this movie. Seeing the characters develop, changing sympathies, having fights and changing opinions paints a quite realistic image. Honestly, we all know that nothing in life stays as it is, also not our relation to friends. It's one of the few movies where the characters change the person they're emotionally attached to.
Except for one couple. Groot and Rocket. They're a match. It makes sense, both characters get introduced as friends - for a long time as it seems. So they know what they have in each other already. It's also a special couple, both non-human and somewhat related to the wild world, to the nature, forest maybe. They just go along like they were supposed to do so since the beginning of time. Watching them interact is just so much fun and heartwarming.
But, blablabla, let's about the really important element of this move. Rocket, the Raccoon . Oh. My. God. I already said that this movie is the new kid on the block when it comes to animation quality. Rocket isn't the usual animated character. He's alive. I mean it. Just have a look at the references on the Internet. It starts with the fur which isn't well kept and perfect but it reflects his inner character. It's somewhat rough and unkempt. The texture changes a lot from nose to tail. There are parts where it’s thick and fluffy and there are parts where the skin shines through. Also, it's rough and here and there aslant. Still, he doesn't look dirty but rather like he doesn't give that much about grooming because there's nothing in his live that’s worth putting effort on it.
This brings me to his personality. I thought a lot about what makes him so special. I mean, of course, to us Furries he's eye candy and it's oh-so-easy to love that tormented, rough, and violent beast. But in the ends it's the contrast that gives him his personality. He's quite small but can kick ass like a big guy. He's smart, likes to destroy stuff but somewhere deep inside he does it only for a good purpose - like helping friends.
Start Minor spoiler: What I like a lot is the duality of his character. Pretty rough and violent but more and more frequent his grief shows as the movie goes on. It's related to his partners around and how they start to like each other. Finally, he can't cover it any longer and when getting drunk in a bar it all pours out. Close to tears he screams how hard and hurting it is to know that he's a thing, manmade and the there is no other thing like him. When watching the scene closely it becomes obvious where his violence against other people is based on. Getting rid of everything that reminds him about all the things he can't have. Deep inside he longs for what he never felt. Being taken honest as a being and not just a thing. He longs for being taken honest, feeling welcome and loved. But instead people address him as vermin or rat. He’s a wonderful and beautiful being in a world that unable to recognize it. Inside, he feels utterly alone and lost - in a vast world of stars and beauty. Spoiler End.
It's easy to like the little bugger and to identify with him. He’s the personification of evil feelings in us we fight. The only being around that seems able to read and communicate with him is Groot. And it's bidirectional which shows each time when Rocket is able to read the meaning in his repetitive statement "I am Groot". It also hints how long both must know each other. Groot in general is also a character I can only wonder about. I never saw him commit violence first hand. He's always the one responding to it. At one point I was wondering if both match so perfectly because both are able to read the other one from deep inside. Groot is the only one capable to see though Rockets violence and knows about his inner journey and longing. Rocket, on the other hand, seems the only one being capable of proper communication with Groot.
Start Minor spoiler: After the mentioned scene that took place in the bar (where Rocket poured his feelings) he slowly changes, becomes less aggressive, at least towards his partners on the journey and at the end there's a remarkable scene. Rocket sits on a rock, lost in his grief when one if his friends sits next to him. The camera shows only a hand that slowly advances towards Rockets ears. He's going to be petted. For the first time as it seems. By the time Rocket gets aware of that he tenses and the most likely reaction to that touch will be another outburst of violence. But instead he freezes, looks confused, and squirms, not knowing what to think and feel about it. In the end Rocket changes back to the position he was in before. But still, it shows that slowly the good side in him wins over and he dares to discover new sides and feeling in himself. And even more important - he allows himself to accept those. Spoiler End.
I can't wait until this piece of hart warming eyecandy is available on DVD/Blueray.
Also, of course the Internet is full of fanart by now. If you haven't seen the flick so far and want to get some impressions beforehand: here's a bunch of screenshots and fanart of Rocket I happend to save from social media. Of course Furries ruin everything - there's also a lot of smutty artwork to be found online. But you can dig for that yourself. I keep my blog clean. Mostly.
I finally get to write this. Free time where I’m not tired is rare lately.
First of all: relax. No mayor spoilers ahead. I will mention elements from three different scenes and give you a fair warning ahead. Bu those are none that will ruin the movie for you. In case you haven't seen it - what you should change as fast as you can. :)
About two weeks ago I was finally able to watch Guardians of the Galaxy. So here are some impressions on this flick.
The Story is, well, known and otherwise nothing I'd call special. It comes with a lot of spontaneous humor and also with humor that's predicable - in a way you know the authors want you to know what will happen next so you can watch every detail as our five friends advance towards a small disaster. Usually it ends in a funny argument or some hilarious shooting- and wreck-it-all scene. It’s the way of predicable humor where you sit there, thinking "Nononono! Bad idea! Told you I saw that comming!".
The timing works also like a charm. There are several scenes where, just when it start to become boring, something happens and changes the situation instantly so you forget about that from one to another second. Like when two characters talking to each other and it may lead to something cheesy.
Something that completely amazing about this movie is the special effects. It's done with a completely new grade of details and depth, even in the shooting and fire scenes where stuff seems to be blurry. Still, if you focus on it, you soon realize that the animators paid a lot of attention to even unimportant background elements - next to the important ones.
Start Minor Spoiler: There is one scene where, as far as I remember, Rocket undresses and turns his back towards the screen. About half a dozen connectors (like from Matrix) become visible on his back. He stands there, not moving, for about 1-2 seconds. It leaves a quite nasty and repulsive first impression. Naked, partly colored skin with some small patches of ugly fur and then those connectors. Eww! But suddenly Rocket shifts and his back becomes alive. The impression turns changes completely. From repulsive to beautiful. I have no clue how many hours/days/weeks the animators must have spend on this scene - but it's a masterpiece of animation. It's the most realistic animation of anatomy and physics I've ever seen so far. Every muscle is animated with so much detail as it shifts under the skin, pulling the skin along where the connectors are. It’s amazing to see the how realistic all those connectors affect the shifting of the skin and how it stretches between them. For a moment I was completely absorbed into the beauty of the scene that underlines how fragile Rocket is and how much the fact, that he's man made and how torn he must feel inside. Spoiler End.
What I'm very glad about is, despite a lot of shooting and fighting, there's nothing I’d call a carnage. The movie is quite unbloody what makes it, at least for me, a lot more enjoyable. Even when someone dies (what happens a lot) it doesn't ruin the impression that the flick is rather comedy and popcorn cinema then a war-flick (which would suit the story also).
Another thing worth mentioning is character interaction. Usually a group forms and sticks together. Each one gets a roll and stays true to it. Not in this movie. Seeing the characters develop, changing sympathies, having fights and changing opinions paints a quite realistic image. Honestly, we all know that nothing in life stays as it is, also not our relation to friends. It's one of the few movies where the characters change the person they're emotionally attached to.
Except for one couple. Groot and Rocket. They're a match. It makes sense, both characters get introduced as friends - for a long time as it seems. So they know what they have in each other already. It's also a special couple, both non-human and somewhat related to the wild world, to the nature, forest maybe. They just go along like they were supposed to do so since the beginning of time. Watching them interact is just so much fun and heartwarming.
But, blablabla, let's about the really important element of this move. Rocket, the Raccoon . Oh. My. God. I already said that this movie is the new kid on the block when it comes to animation quality. Rocket isn't the usual animated character. He's alive. I mean it. Just have a look at the references on the Internet. It starts with the fur which isn't well kept and perfect but it reflects his inner character. It's somewhat rough and unkempt. The texture changes a lot from nose to tail. There are parts where it’s thick and fluffy and there are parts where the skin shines through. Also, it's rough and here and there aslant. Still, he doesn't look dirty but rather like he doesn't give that much about grooming because there's nothing in his live that’s worth putting effort on it.
This brings me to his personality. I thought a lot about what makes him so special. I mean, of course, to us Furries he's eye candy and it's oh-so-easy to love that tormented, rough, and violent beast. But in the ends it's the contrast that gives him his personality. He's quite small but can kick ass like a big guy. He's smart, likes to destroy stuff but somewhere deep inside he does it only for a good purpose - like helping friends.
Start Minor spoiler: What I like a lot is the duality of his character. Pretty rough and violent but more and more frequent his grief shows as the movie goes on. It's related to his partners around and how they start to like each other. Finally, he can't cover it any longer and when getting drunk in a bar it all pours out. Close to tears he screams how hard and hurting it is to know that he's a thing, manmade and the there is no other thing like him. When watching the scene closely it becomes obvious where his violence against other people is based on. Getting rid of everything that reminds him about all the things he can't have. Deep inside he longs for what he never felt. Being taken honest as a being and not just a thing. He longs for being taken honest, feeling welcome and loved. But instead people address him as vermin or rat. He’s a wonderful and beautiful being in a world that unable to recognize it. Inside, he feels utterly alone and lost - in a vast world of stars and beauty. Spoiler End.
It's easy to like the little bugger and to identify with him. He’s the personification of evil feelings in us we fight. The only being around that seems able to read and communicate with him is Groot. And it's bidirectional which shows each time when Rocket is able to read the meaning in his repetitive statement "I am Groot". It also hints how long both must know each other. Groot in general is also a character I can only wonder about. I never saw him commit violence first hand. He's always the one responding to it. At one point I was wondering if both match so perfectly because both are able to read the other one from deep inside. Groot is the only one capable to see though Rockets violence and knows about his inner journey and longing. Rocket, on the other hand, seems the only one being capable of proper communication with Groot.
Start Minor spoiler: After the mentioned scene that took place in the bar (where Rocket poured his feelings) he slowly changes, becomes less aggressive, at least towards his partners on the journey and at the end there's a remarkable scene. Rocket sits on a rock, lost in his grief when one if his friends sits next to him. The camera shows only a hand that slowly advances towards Rockets ears. He's going to be petted. For the first time as it seems. By the time Rocket gets aware of that he tenses and the most likely reaction to that touch will be another outburst of violence. But instead he freezes, looks confused, and squirms, not knowing what to think and feel about it. In the end Rocket changes back to the position he was in before. But still, it shows that slowly the good side in him wins over and he dares to discover new sides and feeling in himself. And even more important - he allows himself to accept those. Spoiler End.
I can't wait until this piece of hart warming eyecandy is available on DVD/Blueray.
Also, of course the Internet is full of fanart by now. If you haven't seen the flick so far and want to get some impressions beforehand: here's a bunch of screenshots and fanart of Rocket I happend to save from social media. Of course Furries ruin everything - there's also a lot of smutty artwork to be found online. But you can dig for that yourself. I keep my blog clean. Mostly.
Busy week
Posted 11 years agoHey, Just a short note for everyone who waits for a reply. May it be Mail, DM or others.
I had a busy week with overhours and hope I'll make it home today early, as planned. Anyway, I'm going to answer you during the weekend - latest. :)
I had a busy week with overhours and hope I'll make it home today early, as planned. Anyway, I'm going to answer you during the weekend - latest. :)
About dreams, reality, decisions, regret and chances
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
Just some random thoughts that were on my head today. Without any special context. I just want to share them.
There's something wonderful and amazing about children: they ask questions, regardless of how uncomfortable they may be for an adult. They see the world as it is, not filtered though rules etablished by society.
Sometimes, we should ask ourself some important questions: what would our child-self think about ourself when given the chance to meet our child-self today? Which dreams have we forgotten that should gain more importance in our life again? What habbits have we gained that aren't good but rather bad? How has society formed us and how to we interact with others. Would our self-us see us as a role model or rather dislike is?
There is no tendency in that question. Nor a good or bad one. We grow up and learn that things don't work the way we thought they do as a child. Living and growing up requires making decisions. Sometimes painful and compliacted ones. But still, that doesn't mean we can easily forget about our values. Sometimes we change, slowly but steadily. Gaining habits we always disliked. But due to the slow change we didn't notice.
But the question must also keep the good things in mind: what things did we achieve? What problems did we solve and which (good) influence do we have on the people surrounding us?
While asking ourself that it's easy to stumble upon all the wrong decisions we made and start to regret them. There's something we should remain ourself about in such cases: we made decisions back then based on the facts we knew and on our emotional life back then. Not based on the things we know now, today. It's okay to make mistakes. We learn from mistakes.
Do so, don't push thoughts about mistakes away. Embrace them, think about them, learn from then and then open up and make new decisions.
A decision we never made but procastinated until it's too late is one we will always be sorry about. And often a wasted chance to experience something new and wonderful - or learn from at least.
Just some random thoughts that were on my head today. Without any special context. I just want to share them.
There's something wonderful and amazing about children: they ask questions, regardless of how uncomfortable they may be for an adult. They see the world as it is, not filtered though rules etablished by society.
Sometimes, we should ask ourself some important questions: what would our child-self think about ourself when given the chance to meet our child-self today? Which dreams have we forgotten that should gain more importance in our life again? What habbits have we gained that aren't good but rather bad? How has society formed us and how to we interact with others. Would our self-us see us as a role model or rather dislike is?
There is no tendency in that question. Nor a good or bad one. We grow up and learn that things don't work the way we thought they do as a child. Living and growing up requires making decisions. Sometimes painful and compliacted ones. But still, that doesn't mean we can easily forget about our values. Sometimes we change, slowly but steadily. Gaining habits we always disliked. But due to the slow change we didn't notice.
But the question must also keep the good things in mind: what things did we achieve? What problems did we solve and which (good) influence do we have on the people surrounding us?
While asking ourself that it's easy to stumble upon all the wrong decisions we made and start to regret them. There's something we should remain ourself about in such cases: we made decisions back then based on the facts we knew and on our emotional life back then. Not based on the things we know now, today. It's okay to make mistakes. We learn from mistakes.
Do so, don't push thoughts about mistakes away. Embrace them, think about them, learn from then and then open up and make new decisions.
A decision we never made but procastinated until it's too late is one we will always be sorry about. And often a wasted chance to experience something new and wonderful - or learn from at least.
I'm home
Posted 11 years ago(Crosspost of this LiveJournal entry)
A warm feel feeling spread in my chest while I typed in my credentials.
Hello Livejoural, beloved dear, I'm home again.
I had so much to write. I have so much to write. I could spend until Sunday, pouring my heart into your palms. I couldn't for more than one and a half year. I wanted to write but it was too much. I couldn't focus and the sheer thought of staring and getting lost for days and days of writing scared me. I was also afraid. I was burned out, feared my own thoughts. Had a hard time believing myself, yet daring let others read them.
I jumped over my own shadow. I learned to be myself again. I still do. I abandoned a lot. Projects, precious time, friends. Not all, not everything. But some. It's so hard to write and read "abandoning friends". It never makes sense when writing it, yet life tells that things change, must change. For the better. Life isn't always easy and the attempt to keep it easy makes it worse. Life is about decisions. I had a hard time finding myself. I learned a lot of things. The most three vaulable ones are:
1) There is no use in forcing ourself to not do something, especially when we hold a grudge against someone but our heat tells us otherweise. It tears us apart. All we have is our soul and our brotherliness. We should give in when our heart tell us to do something nice even when our hate tells us not to. Hate paints us black. But we should shine. It doesn't mean we're naive and weak but selfaware and true to ourself. It's okay to help when knowing why we do it. It doesn't mean others can manipulate us because we're aware of ourself and each decision is a new one.
2) Sometime you need to leave things behind. Sometimes also people, also friends to find yourself. Because without being yourself, on one knows who you are. You can't feel loved, nor can you be sure others like you. The you you don't know. Things change. We do. It's a good thing and nothing keeps us more from finding ourself then the wrong attempts to live up to wrong expectations.
3) What is supposed to happen will happen. It's not in our power nor is it us allowed to keep things the way they are. Procastinating changes makes it only harder to adapt. Change is good said once a smart Baboon named Rafiki. A change for the good, of course. Embrace changes. If we try to keep things or even ourself they ways they/we are we're doomed to loose touch with time and ourself. The larger the distance between us and the changed world grows the more lost we feel. Until we break, watching, unable to act.
A warm feel feeling spread in my chest while I typed in my credentials.
Hello Livejoural, beloved dear, I'm home again.
I had so much to write. I have so much to write. I could spend until Sunday, pouring my heart into your palms. I couldn't for more than one and a half year. I wanted to write but it was too much. I couldn't focus and the sheer thought of staring and getting lost for days and days of writing scared me. I was also afraid. I was burned out, feared my own thoughts. Had a hard time believing myself, yet daring let others read them.
I jumped over my own shadow. I learned to be myself again. I still do. I abandoned a lot. Projects, precious time, friends. Not all, not everything. But some. It's so hard to write and read "abandoning friends". It never makes sense when writing it, yet life tells that things change, must change. For the better. Life isn't always easy and the attempt to keep it easy makes it worse. Life is about decisions. I had a hard time finding myself. I learned a lot of things. The most three vaulable ones are:
1) There is no use in forcing ourself to not do something, especially when we hold a grudge against someone but our heat tells us otherweise. It tears us apart. All we have is our soul and our brotherliness. We should give in when our heart tell us to do something nice even when our hate tells us not to. Hate paints us black. But we should shine. It doesn't mean we're naive and weak but selfaware and true to ourself. It's okay to help when knowing why we do it. It doesn't mean others can manipulate us because we're aware of ourself and each decision is a new one.
2) Sometime you need to leave things behind. Sometimes also people, also friends to find yourself. Because without being yourself, on one knows who you are. You can't feel loved, nor can you be sure others like you. The you you don't know. Things change. We do. It's a good thing and nothing keeps us more from finding ourself then the wrong attempts to live up to wrong expectations.
3) What is supposed to happen will happen. It's not in our power nor is it us allowed to keep things the way they are. Procastinating changes makes it only harder to adapt. Change is good said once a smart Baboon named Rafiki. A change for the good, of course. Embrace changes. If we try to keep things or even ourself they ways they/we are we're doomed to loose touch with time and ourself. The larger the distance between us and the changed world grows the more lost we feel. Until we break, watching, unable to act.
Free art from Katara - Try you luck!
Posted 13 years agoUsually, I'm the last one to notice such so I'm sure you know about this already. But in case that you don't: Talented artist 
katara is running a free art raffle and you're welcome to join and try your luck. :)
Details you can find in the respective Journal entry: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3910257/
katara is running a free art raffle and you're welcome to join and try your luck. :)Details you can find in the respective Journal entry: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3910257/
And then there was silence
Posted 14 years agoOn SAT, 29. of October 2011 at 23:25:59 MEST Deutsche Welle stopped broadcasting on Shortwave (AM, 6075 kHz). I was glad that it was mentioned on Deutschlandradio Kultur on Thursday before. I took my time, sat down in front of my workdesk with headphones on and was listening to the very last minutes of the transmission. It was a strange feeling to see, pardon, hear the station go. There was a clear reception and then just white noises and other distant stations and intermodultaions faded in. It's always strange to watch something go, knowing that it will never return. I was listening to the station every now and then. It was always present. Like a the tree in front of my window. But now it's gone. This scheduled broadcast was the last one.
Of course, Deutsche Welle is still broadcasting. Mostly on cable and via stream. But there's something special about Shortwave that you will likely only understand when you share the fascionation for listening to Shortwave yourself (that's worth another entry - likely when I'm done with modifying my NRD-525 again). Also, due the features of Shortwave, transmissions can be heard worldwide. Thus, a national radio station is the nations voice to the world. Regardless of censorship and whatever you can listen to it. The only way to block it is to jam the signal with a second one on the same frequency.
To be honest, I know, Shortwave is dead. Except of some geeks (like me), Amateur Radio station operators and some other peole (like those out in the outback of foreign countries or on the sea) no one listens to it anymore. But for a few people, a Shortwave station is the only way to stay in contact with the world and what happens all around the globe. And it's a good way to get other impressions. The local media is always full of subjective reports.
With listening to other stations it's possible to get new impressions and a better view on a specific topic. Deutschlandradio is still broadcasting. But BBC World Service limited its transmission two years ago to a minimum. Along with other, smaller stations. Now Deutsche Welle stopped transmitting. I know it's expensive to operate a Shortwave transmitter, likely running at several dozen up to hundreds of Kilowatts of output power. But it's a piece of freedom and free information. But maybe I'm just antiquated.
Of course, Deutsche Welle is still broadcasting. Mostly on cable and via stream. But there's something special about Shortwave that you will likely only understand when you share the fascionation for listening to Shortwave yourself (that's worth another entry - likely when I'm done with modifying my NRD-525 again). Also, due the features of Shortwave, transmissions can be heard worldwide. Thus, a national radio station is the nations voice to the world. Regardless of censorship and whatever you can listen to it. The only way to block it is to jam the signal with a second one on the same frequency.
To be honest, I know, Shortwave is dead. Except of some geeks (like me), Amateur Radio station operators and some other peole (like those out in the outback of foreign countries or on the sea) no one listens to it anymore. But for a few people, a Shortwave station is the only way to stay in contact with the world and what happens all around the globe. And it's a good way to get other impressions. The local media is always full of subjective reports.
With listening to other stations it's possible to get new impressions and a better view on a specific topic. Deutschlandradio is still broadcasting. But BBC World Service limited its transmission two years ago to a minimum. Along with other, smaller stations. Now Deutsche Welle stopped transmitting. I know it's expensive to operate a Shortwave transmitter, likely running at several dozen up to hundreds of Kilowatts of output power. But it's a piece of freedom and free information. But maybe I'm just antiquated.
Yesterday at work...
Posted 14 years ago... an hour before work was over and when eveyone was tired. Colleagues were making jokes and I started to rant, again, about how boring listening to local FM radio stations is. Every station claims to have the best mix but in truth they all have 10 tracks counting playlist on radom mode, every moderator thinks he's the king of the FM Radio band and even the culuture stations offer only three topics: 50 year of immigration in Germany, financial crisis in Italy and the financial crisis in Greece.
"How do you remember the telephone information service number 11-88-0? Well, 11 Million Greeks. 88 Mrd. EUR of debts. 0 Chance."
"Oh, Canada wants you to pay up to 75.000 USD along with a immigration request. Lets our 5 Mio Turkish immigrants pay that fee belatedly. If they complain we can just say "you know.. german bureaucracy... takes a while - sorry". That would solve a lot of problems. We could hand Greece 2 billards EUR to get rid of the dept and say "Oh, here you go. Something we found under one of our old filing cabinets - buy yourself something nice"". But I guess kicking them out of the EU and buying the country für 53 cents afterwards would be wiser. Oh! We could seel it on ebay afterwards "Broken. Comes without warranty. No refund!"
Sidenote: I'm really pissed. I understand that not every citizen may be part of the disaster but _every_ greek citizen knows that curruption is major problem of the greek culture. So shut up and live with it. They get money for "free". There's no right to complain. Acting overly proud is not the way to deal with it right now.
Btw, my new favorite 'yer mom' Joke: "Yer mom is so fat, if she gets divided by zero, a rest will remain."
Don't ask. Just don't ask how we came up with this one :)
"How do you remember the telephone information service number 11-88-0? Well, 11 Million Greeks. 88 Mrd. EUR of debts. 0 Chance."
"Oh, Canada wants you to pay up to 75.000 USD along with a immigration request. Lets our 5 Mio Turkish immigrants pay that fee belatedly. If they complain we can just say "you know.. german bureaucracy... takes a while - sorry". That would solve a lot of problems. We could hand Greece 2 billards EUR to get rid of the dept and say "Oh, here you go. Something we found under one of our old filing cabinets - buy yourself something nice"". But I guess kicking them out of the EU and buying the country für 53 cents afterwards would be wiser. Oh! We could seel it on ebay afterwards "Broken. Comes without warranty. No refund!"
Sidenote: I'm really pissed. I understand that not every citizen may be part of the disaster but _every_ greek citizen knows that curruption is major problem of the greek culture. So shut up and live with it. They get money for "free". There's no right to complain. Acting overly proud is not the way to deal with it right now.
Btw, my new favorite 'yer mom' Joke: "Yer mom is so fat, if she gets divided by zero, a rest will remain."
Don't ask. Just don't ask how we came up with this one :)
