As you might have guessed by this very late journal, no stream tonight. I'm a bit tired from studying, user testing, and finishing up the next writeup for our project.

I did do a bit of drawing here and there today, like during my online class as everyone was doing icebreakers about their ideal video games or discussing data analytics pseudocode. Not quite 3 hours' worth, but just enough to satisfy me.

To complete a milestone due tomorrow, I have to help my teammates this evening, which means I'll probably only start streaming around 7:30 PM Eastern. Everything else is going on schedule, thank goodness (especially after that disaster of a weekend). I don't know if I have a commission or not, or if I'll just draw something from my backlog of ideas. Depends on how chatting goes tonight.

I should really set up some sort of Google Forms at some point so people can submit their submission ideas. I always love those sorts of forms that tell you directly what sort of things the artist is looking for.

I'm at https://picarto.tv/Rimme . Again, 7:30 PM Eastern. I'll edit if it goes later or if I have to cancel (unlikely but possible).

So after two days of homework and stress, I'm in a good enough place to keep inking, hopefully finishing the Malquetze tonight, at https://picarto.tv/Rimme at 6:15 PM Eastern. Not to say that there isn't more homework to work on, but I'm at a good enough place to focus on drawing again.

I hate those moments of paralysis where there's so many things to do, and no clear direction to start in. There just isn't enough time to think anymore.

There's no stream tonight due to homework, but feel free to answer this question:

I notice it's way more common for people to announce they are having streams in their submissions, than to announce it in their journals. Is this purely because more people are more likely to check submissions and see the announcements there? (I know that's my own habit.)

I'm always concerned that posting a new journal every day feels like spam to people. It doesn't really matter to me if people see my journals or even watch my stream, I just like having a stream open just in case they do.

I know I need to finish inking the Malquetze... but there's too much homework, too much grading, too much studying that needs to be done for midterms later today. I can't draw if I have those still hanging over my head. And I can't focus on schoolwork if I have to worry about getting it all done within 3 hours so that I can stream later.

So, no streaming.

See, the midday journals are helping.

Jack tells me I need to post these journals earlier in the day so that more people get a chance to see them before the stream starts. While it's too late for that now, I'm planning to start posting these journals earlier in the day so that more people will see them.

Anyways, today is sort of my relaxation stream where I ink some amphibious species. It's at Picarto: https://picarto.tv/Rimme

Reminder that I'm open to commissions. General rule is $11 per drawing: see here. Contact me in-stream or over PMs for details.

Adding some last shades to the world and dialogue boxes, starting at 6:30 PM Eastern at https://picarto.tv/Rimme .

Maybe I'm spending too much time adding detail without adding value. Maybe if I keep up my current standards, though, I'll get faster as time goes on. Maybe I can create shortcuts.

Or maybe I shouldn't be worrying so much, because this is only the 9th stream I spent on the comic (well, the equivalent of 10 streams), which only feels long because of all the breaks and days off I've had to take.

So, last night was a productive evening. By which I mean I spent 7 hours shading one half of a comic page (stopped only by exhaustion). 10 figures shaded. And these were the figures that I inked in only one day. It must have been the feathers.

I spent all day finishing up the homework assignments due today, except I still have one due at midnight. And rather than risk streaming tonight and rushing to finish homework before midnight, I think it would be best if instead of streaming tonight, I worked on homework instead, and wait until tomorrow to shade and then post the next comic (sigh). If I have an hour's worth of time to spend afterwards on shading, I will, but it will probably be unstreamed.

I apologize to those commissioners out there who are waiting for me to become available to start drawing for them. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you. I'm just keeping things juggled.

TL;DR: No stream tonight.

At 6:30 PM Eastern. Gonna be hammering away at it until it's done and posted.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

Sorry, I didn't post a journal earlier, stomach issues. I didn't eat dinner at my usual time, it was 6:10 when I decided to just start coloring until my stomach settled, which it has now, so I'm about to have dinner now. I've been coloring in the mean time so uh... I'm kinda already half-way through it now?

I'm gonna try to get back by 8:10 PM Eastern to finish coloring, so it's not too off from my usual time. So it won't be as long as my usual streams, even though in total it's the same length.

Got that? I hope so. Off to dinner!

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

Oh dear, has it already been one month since I last posted an AFCAH comic page? Have I really spent the past 4 weeks just working on sketching it and inking it, and another week on the tapir sequence, and then another week on the commission?

... Actually, yeah, that seems about right.

I'll be streaming in about half an hour, around 6:00 PM Eastern. I've got to keep going. I've got to try and finish this by Wednesday.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

[EDIT: Sorry, dinner delay. I'll be streaming at my usual 6:30 PM Eastern.]

Don't you just love vague titles?

I didn't quite finish the Malquetze yesterday. I wanted to do some today, but other things came up, particularly homework.

If I have time, I'll continue inking the comic. Still won't be enough time to finish inking, but maybe I'll find some time tomorrow.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

The next race in JackTheLizard 's world is due to be drawn, and it's the amphibian one. This is one I've been excited about drawing for a while, because I rarely get to draw amphibians, much less anthro amphibians. It's sure to be fun!

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

I rarely announce what music I'm listening to ahead of time, but this time it'll probably be early Pink Floyd chicanery, followed by early Genesis tomfoolery.

Two things, in no particular order:

1) No due dates tonight for homework = more time to draw. I'm at https://picarto.tv/Rimme as usual, at 6:15 PM EST, finishing up some inking and coloring of some headshot TFs.

2) I finally got an invite to Bluesky a week or so ago, so for those who also have one, I'm at https://bsky.app/profile/rimmeweasel.bsky.social . I'm especially looking for people whose invites I missed out months ago, so don't be shy to follow me. (I still need to figure out what to actually DO on social media o_o)

I should have made this clearer last night, but homework has decided to knock me down again tonight, so I'm going to spend my time tonight knocking it out instead of streaming. Boy do I miss drawing. I've only had one day all week thus far to draw. 'Tis the season to work before midterms.

See you tomorrow!

If I could be my fursona, I'd have short little legs and a long tail, and run everywhere on all fours. I'd have big black eyes, big round ears, long whiskers, and sharp teeth. I'd curl up in a ball when I sleep. And I wouldn't be scared of asking for attention or talking on social media.

Excuse the following mess, I have had a lot on my mind that I needed to get out.

I know that age is supposed to bring experience, and experience is supposed to bring confidence. But if anything, experience has made me less confident, because it's made me more aware of all the possible mistakes I could make, and feeds my paranoia, and makes me split my focus between several different issues, and still question whether any one of those things is good enough.

I don't know how artists manage to tune out the question of whether they are good enough. From what I can tell, they just create with the knowledge that they may find errors in the future, but for now it's good enough for them.

I think I've lived for so long, though, that I've already internalized the idea that I'm not good enough and will never be good enough, that there will always be mistakes. It's one of the things that keeps holding me back when I'm coding or speaking in job interviews. I know that I'm not good enough, and I have to lie and say that I am. I know that no one is perfect, but I'm still expected to sell myself as if I was perfect. I know no one else is perfect either. So the question is: how much is everyone else lying about themselves? What more should I do in order to out-achieve someone else for the same role? What am I doing wrong if I can't lie as well as they can?

As a child, I got a lot of sympathy for being neurotic. After all, those are the days you're supposed to be neurotic and trying to find answers, and people like helping kids. As an adult, there's a lot of pressure not to express those questions. You're supposed to have found the answers for yourself, or you've learned that it isn't up to other people to answer them for you. And if it's not their job to answer your questions, it's even less of their job to help you find the right questions.

So what am I asking here? I've been asking myself for a long time whether it's right to go asking people to commission me, if that pesters people or if it's just expected advertisement. I've been asking myself whether the scratching inking and coloring techniques appeal to people, if they capture that scratchy sensation of fur or feathers or if they just look amateurish and unpolished. I've been asking whether I should raise my prices higher, or if I should wait until my backlog overwhelms me. I've been asking myself whether my terms of service are too complicated for people to follow, or if useful and necessary for me to cover my end, or whether I'm too paranoid about pushy customers when I am the ultimate decider of whether or not I want something or not. Or maybe I haven't internalized the artist's sleight-of-hand, where they can just deny a commission they don't want to do, by lying that their queue is full.

It must be easier for professional artists, who have their own agents who can handle those questions, to tell them what is expected, and to handle the publicity and marketing behind the scenes. Maybe I'm just too worried about offending people, especially when I have so much trouble following up with people right away. It already took me several hours just to write this journal.

---

To keep things simple for the TL;DR people: I'm still offering commissions at $11 a stage. If you have commissioned an artist before, let me know what sort of management system they used to process commissions and keep you informed of their progress, and what sort of expectations you had before commissioning them, and whether they changed those expectations.

If you're an artist who takes commissions, let me know as well what your system is, and what your expectations of your clients is.

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[strike]Oh yeah, and I'm continuing to stream tonight at 6:40 PM Eastern. It's a bit later than my sual time, because I have a group project meeting to be a part of. Link is at https://picarto.tv/Rimme[/strike]

EDIT: Actually, no stream tonight. Group project is gonna up the evening instead.

Someone has commissioned me some mid-TF headshots of himself into Loona from Helluva Boss, Roxanne from FNAF, and a raccoon from real life. This happened earlier tonight, so I am inking them right now. Feel to stop by if you want to watch me inking to the melodies of Bruckner!

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

So nice when 6:30 rolls around, and it's time to be productive and drawing again. Bit by bit, getting closer to finishing Phase 1.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

Things have settled down for a bit, but only temporarily. In the meantime, I feel comfortable enough to continue inking the next page of the AFCAH comic.

I'll be listening to some guys reviewing classic rock albums, because it's my way of living vicariously.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

I have homework to focus on, I need an evening to destress, and I still have dinner to eat.

My offer is still open for anyone who can help my boyfriend.

Sorry, no stream tonight. My boyfriend   JackTheLizard is going through some tough shit right now, as his mom is having a mental breakdown and had a fight with his dad, so I need to be with him tonight.

Does anyone in the Charlotte NC area have a place for my boyfriend to stay or rent for the next few days? If you or anyone you know can do so, I'm willing to work on a commission for you at half price, or for free if you own the place. I'll even relax my complicated "MAYBE" provisions. Just get in touch with Jack and help him out, and he'll send you my way if it works out.

Okay, so if the stream from last night proved anything, it's that I probably won't even be able to finish 5 figures in one night. This might end up taking another 3 days of inking. It's hard to get any hard data from my journals, seeing as I keep not posting them after so many nights of inking, but I remember I spent many nights inking #66 as well. And that also had a large number of figures involved...

Ah well. I have a few figures I really want to focus on sizing and detailing before inking, so that's what I'm focused on primarily. If I have time, I'll be inking some as well.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

I might be a bit of an oddball in how I've set up myself as an artist and as a streamer. I see most artist streams go for several hours, practically a whole day's work, while I'm just doling out 3-hour streams at most. And I try to stay strictly within schedule, only doing one stage per stream, sketching or inking or coloring or shading, rather than sitting and trying to finish a drawing all at once.

Lately things haven't worked out that way. Inks are taking longer. Sketching sometimes takes longer. I might have a case of overambition, stretching myself too thinly. Heck, I just noticed I made a weird error a few days ago, saying I was finishing a "stream stream".

The point being, I didn't finish the sketch yesterday. Of course, comics are already difficult, trying to cram all the different panels like a jigsaw into one page, but it's not helped by the fact that it already once took me a full 3 hours just to sketch 6 figures. This next page has 15 and a half. And most of them are TFy, requiring new inbetweens that have to be kept consistent between panels.

I'm not sure if this is a vent post or not, since this is all self-inflicted behavior. I wouldn't be writing and drawing a TF comic if I were against all this work. I've been looking forward to drawing this page for months. I'm just trying to explain, perhaps justify, why I need a second day to sketch this page... and why I'll almost certainly need another 2 days just to ink it, if not 3.

Alright, I like setting goals for myself. (And I like doing them very publicly, apparently.) If it takes 3 hours to draw 6 figures, then I must finish 3.5 figures tonight so that I can ink the rest over the next two days. That'll be my ultimate goal... once I finish inking those 3.5 figures (and it's my math, so I'll know when I pass that), then I can work on refining to the end of the stream.

Stream is located here: https://picarto.tv/Rimme. I'll be working from 6:15 EST to 9:00 EST.

My usual time is from 6:30 to 9:00 EST, sometimes (often) spilling over into 9:30 EST.

I'm going to start work early this time, so I can relax more in the evening. Now I'm going to try working from 4:00 to 6:30 EST, perhaps spilling over into 7:00 EST.

I'll be sketching out the next AFCAH page. It'll be a fun one for me to figure out.

https://picarto.tv/Rimme

Somehow it just so happens that I'm shading another picture tonight, and will probably finish it as well later.

Come watch and listen to Beethoven at:

https://picarto.tv/Rimme