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Not a Serious Post But... (Metal advisory.) X_X
Posted 11 years agoI'm not able to comprehend how Matt Greiner, this guy, and Andy Nelson, this guy, did the drums for The Frozen Ocean. And it's weird to think that everyone who did The Frozen Ocean is a metalhead. Lead singer and guy behind The Frozen Ocean, Dave Swanson, was a guitarist and background vocalist for Life in your Way.
So yeah. Metalheads can be tame. Listen to Verse Vica or something. Or Numbers.
Regardless, we metalheads don't stay in one genre. Verse Vica, Issachar, Numbers, Becoming the Archetype, even August Burns Red, all have issues staying metal.
But hoorah for musicianship!
(Find me a song that one-ups Hope For The Dying's ''Transcend'' and you'll get a free hug. And if you can't, you'll still get one.)
So yeah. Metalheads can be tame. Listen to Verse Vica or something. Or Numbers.
Regardless, we metalheads don't stay in one genre. Verse Vica, Issachar, Numbers, Becoming the Archetype, even August Burns Red, all have issues staying metal.
But hoorah for musicianship!
(Find me a song that one-ups Hope For The Dying's ''Transcend'' and you'll get a free hug. And if you can't, you'll still get one.)
I Have Issues
Posted 11 years agoYeah.
Some things will not be resolved, ever.
Wrapping my head around that is hard.
Some things will not be resolved, ever.
Wrapping my head around that is hard.
A Quick Update
Posted 11 years agoDue to changes in scheduling with school, I might be lucky if I get The Great Divergence up by Monday next week. If things don't get better fast, regarding working and activities and duties, I might start having issues.
Regardless, I have had a lot of questions about ethics so I might write another lengthy journal about that. It's a touchy subject.
And regarding philosophy as a whole, if I present a point and you disagree or if I somehow say you're wrong, that doesn't mean I hate you. It's called a disagreement. Seriously. No matter what happens I will still care about you and love you. I, in no instance, will make a claim that any ethical viewpoint I uphold is 100% perfect since I do not know everything.
However, if I present a fact of some sort, and you don't like it (like the difference between relative and absolute morals) don't flay me for it. I don't make facts up. I'm just telling you what's been agreed upon since the 1700's and on, by both religious and non-religious, and ethical relativists and absolutists.
In no instance do I ever intend to offend or insult someone through my writings. I know that when I write non-fiction, I typically come off as blunt and rough. That's how ethics usually is. There's no easy or pretty way to present a point like "I think fetuses are biological waste until they are more developed" or "I think deviant sexuality is an indicator of weakness and so Social Darwinism and Natural Selection should play its part" yet I still see stuff like that all the time. While I disagree with both of those statements (unless I stuff myself in defense of Darwinism for Taras Chi) it's not like they're uncommon.
If you think I'm rough, then don't start reading ethical essays. I simply try to portray my points on simple grounds, which means it's direct and to the point. In no instance will any of my writings where I'm describing my viewpoint will I ever include statements that indicate judgment.
That stated, if I say "You're wrong" or "I think what you're doing is wrong" I'm not being judgmental or hateful. Seriously. I'm not.
In addition, I do not like to adhere to identifiers or self-define myself or others as anything less that what they are. I may be bisexual and you may be bisexual or straight or gay, but you're a human first. I do not identify myself as part of me or some slim degree of what I am and I won't do that to you either.
Apparently, that can be upsetting to others as well.
Lastly, if you disagree and wish to present an argument or counterargument, do not be afraid to. Seriously, if we disagree, bring the point to me, I want to hear it. If I'm wrong, I want to know it. Just acknowledge beforehand that I will defend my point and pick at yours. That's how debates work. But in no instance will my arguments ever include negative-value-statements. While others may dehumanize me for disagreeing with them, I will never dehumanize you.
Regardless, I have had a lot of questions about ethics so I might write another lengthy journal about that. It's a touchy subject.
And regarding philosophy as a whole, if I present a point and you disagree or if I somehow say you're wrong, that doesn't mean I hate you. It's called a disagreement. Seriously. No matter what happens I will still care about you and love you. I, in no instance, will make a claim that any ethical viewpoint I uphold is 100% perfect since I do not know everything.
However, if I present a fact of some sort, and you don't like it (like the difference between relative and absolute morals) don't flay me for it. I don't make facts up. I'm just telling you what's been agreed upon since the 1700's and on, by both religious and non-religious, and ethical relativists and absolutists.
In no instance do I ever intend to offend or insult someone through my writings. I know that when I write non-fiction, I typically come off as blunt and rough. That's how ethics usually is. There's no easy or pretty way to present a point like "I think fetuses are biological waste until they are more developed" or "I think deviant sexuality is an indicator of weakness and so Social Darwinism and Natural Selection should play its part" yet I still see stuff like that all the time. While I disagree with both of those statements (unless I stuff myself in defense of Darwinism for Taras Chi) it's not like they're uncommon.
If you think I'm rough, then don't start reading ethical essays. I simply try to portray my points on simple grounds, which means it's direct and to the point. In no instance will any of my writings where I'm describing my viewpoint will I ever include statements that indicate judgment.
That stated, if I say "You're wrong" or "I think what you're doing is wrong" I'm not being judgmental or hateful. Seriously. I'm not.
In addition, I do not like to adhere to identifiers or self-define myself or others as anything less that what they are. I may be bisexual and you may be bisexual or straight or gay, but you're a human first. I do not identify myself as part of me or some slim degree of what I am and I won't do that to you either.
Apparently, that can be upsetting to others as well.
Lastly, if you disagree and wish to present an argument or counterargument, do not be afraid to. Seriously, if we disagree, bring the point to me, I want to hear it. If I'm wrong, I want to know it. Just acknowledge beforehand that I will defend my point and pick at yours. That's how debates work. But in no instance will my arguments ever include negative-value-statements. While others may dehumanize me for disagreeing with them, I will never dehumanize you.
Wrote a Poem and Had a Bad Day
Posted 11 years agoSo... Poem's not going to be submitted.
And I'll likely be intermittent or simply not here today.
Sorry.
If you could see how bad my spelling and ability to read has become due to this stress... Ick. Anyway. Enough complaining. See you guys later.
And I'll likely be intermittent or simply not here today.
Sorry.
If you could see how bad my spelling and ability to read has become due to this stress... Ick. Anyway. Enough complaining. See you guys later.
"God's Not Dead" Discussion Questions and My Answers
Posted 11 years ago(Spoilers, by the way.) (And goodness I'm not editing this.)
These are from my new church here in Rolla. It's my second day there and everybody has been so cool and very nice. I wish I could take all my friends, but y'all're too faaar! (Yeah, enjoy that slang double contraction!)
Anyway. I've seen the movie before, but I came at the wrong time and missed 90% of the movie, no kidding. So I don't remember exactly how that movie's arguments are portrayed, but I remember already knowing everything Josh said to the professor. It's something that I had studied before and still study every now and then.
My preface to the questions:
I feel the biggest issue nowadays comes from an improper understanding of the philosophy of science, how science fits into religion, how religion fits into science, and how exactly science and religion have fit together over the years.
I don't like trying to disprove theories that cannot be proven true in the first place. Anybody know the phrase "Innocent until proven guilty?" Science is "Untrue/insufficient until proven true." Frankly, assumptive theories like the Big Bang and evolution cannot be proven true. We will not be able to prove them true until we either time travel or experience another sudden Big Bang which would involve such a release of hazardous radiation that it would atomize the already existing universe. We can say that evolution has happened, with some amount of certainty, but five of the six types of evolution necessary we have no confirming evidence for. Only conjectures. Better yet, those five have never been witnessed! Scientifically, I cannot support those theories! I'm saying this as someone who studies philosophy, science, and is a scientist. (Oh, and the Cyclical theory doesn't explain the origin of matter at all.) More importantly, we portray the question of the Big Bang as the Big Bang being the origin of the universe, when the universe had the Big Bang happen inside of it. That's why I refer to the Big Bang as a Formation Theory, not a Creation Theory.
But these questions are important and they shake the base of the Church, not because they pose a threat to Biblical truth, but because they pose a threat to the hearts and minds of those who observe the Church. You'll see what I mean when I get further down into the questions. It's a tough world to live in, with tough questions that we're not sure we'll ever have the answers for.
The gravest one is:
Is there a God?
The Questions:
1: What was the overall impact that this movie had on you?
Honestly, it seemed kinda silly, because the acting was obviously acting in a few parts and the scenarios presented are not fleshed out enough to feel realistic. They're too short and they're too rough too quickly. But either way, it's touching and presents scenarios that do actually happen. I cried the first time the professor died. I cried when the lady was thrown out of her home by her dad.
2: Did this movie challenge me you to study and learn more about what you believe?
It made no change from my current course of trying to understand what the world is, what love is, what everything means, and how God fits into my life. It challenged me instead to wonder how I'm showing my faith to others.
3: Are there people in your life that are challenging you to prove that God is real or that Christianity is true?
I feel that I'm always under this pressure. I think that people are looking for something in life that will make them feel complete and I wish I could show them what really could. I never really know how to describe how Christianity has changed my view on life and love for the better. I feel that it is truly the only worldview that answers my questions with answers that make sense and are meaningful and can be used in my daily life. I feel like, as God even wants, that my life needs to be an example that God is there and real and listening. If anything, I want my life to be a shining light in the dark, even if it's just a candle in the deepest cave.
4: Did the scenarios seem realistic to you? Why/why not?
Yes and no. Yes because I had one of the scenarios presented happen to me. And no because of how they were presented in the movie (Refer to question 1 about the "no.") The "yes" scenario comes from my Engineering Physics course last year. One day our professor started a presentation about the history of science and its persons. It was interesting and informative until it literally turned into a 'Religion' bashing session in front of 87 students. It was interesting to sit through, because my Muslim friend next to me was equally disgruntled and upset. I don't think that was fair to anyone, even in an Academic sense.
So I have to bring up two points:
1) This happens often. And militant atheists want it to.
Richard Dawkins, and a few other militant atheist/agnostics have "ordered" (their term, not mine) other militant atheists to make sure they interrupt us and don't give us any voice in the world. Literally instructing them to shame us until we're afraid to show our face in public. So take that as you will.
2) It does not accurately address religion and science.
I find it interesting that I have to bring this up. There's a stigma that God and Christianity are outright anti-science when the Bible actually orders us to be the other way around. X3 There's a big issues when people say Christians are anti-science in that it's anti-Scripture to say such and outright mean too. God tells us to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30). Knowledge is a gift from God and anything completely truthful is not a contradiction to him. The Latin language used a word you may recognize to describe knowledge: science. So if science, knowledge, is all truthful and gifted by God, then why would anti-theists argue that science and God conflict because God is anti-science (not saying that God conflicts science, but that God orders us to contradict science)? Here's how the word "science" meaning knowledge fits into morals: conscience. Con: with, Science: knowledge. With knowledge. With knowledge of right and wrong. Refer to my previous journals about ethics and the Nature of Knowledge to learn more about how they fit together.
I'm a computer scientist and I think my last three years of study into philosophy, science, and computer science has only been positively impacted by my understanding of God and science. I think, if anything at the minimum, God fuels my search for knowledge, because through knowledge I can become closer to Him and I hope that I can help others understand.
5: Josh begins his debate by showing that creation itself points to the reality of a Creator. Do you think this is a good place to start? Why/why not?
I'm not sure. It seems to be the biggest issue that people have doubts about. It looks like people think Christianity is based around how Genesis is interpreted, while Christianity is based upon the moral and worldview of God's intention rather than the actual events that happened. Triple-Doctorate John Lennox and I both agree that how we perceive Genesis does not affect salvation and the Bible can include things like the Big Bang and Evolution. The Genome Project Director Francis S. Collins even thinks that evolution and such is evidence for God. So did Darwin. Speaking of Darwin, he was confused about his findings. He found that some of his findings wouldn't explain every natural function and occurrence, especially the eyes, and that it was evidence of God to him. However, Darwin became an agnostic because his daughter died of illness.
But in the scope of the movie, I think Josh needed to use the arguments he provided to help settle doubts regarding the more common issues before getting to the main point that becomes necessary.
6: How do people's views of their origin affect their perspective of life and their view of God?
This question is vitally important because I have seen what happens when people buy into the notion that there's nothing there. So far, there's a long list of suicides. THAT is what I'm trying to prevent.
This question is very important. Are we here because Someone wanted us here and we have worth and purpose or are we just byproducts of celestial nonsense without meaning and purpose? That question certainly feels like a trap, but it's frankly reality and it's the source of serious identity, worth, and purpose. It's one of the more graver questions we come across. This question is hot and no doubt answers get hotter. Some would say that worth, identity, and purpose come from sources other than God, but if that's true, then when we're dead and gone those solutions were meaningless. In the grand scale of it all, we're exactly what scientists have been telling us: just bugs on the surface on a rock hurtling through space.
I can't live with that. I don't want anyone else to live with that. You have worth. You have intrinsic worth. If God says you have worth, it's beyond opinion and I need you to understand that, regardless of whether you think He's real or not. Somethings simply are not up to our opinion. I find more evidence that people can be redeemed than I can that they're truly and forever doomed. If we don't have worth, just here by chance, then nothing really matters. We're just floating clouds of energy that do what can't be scientifically quantified (not to mention, science, if the statement becomes true, is silly now; and truth and love don't matter either).
Does everything have a meaning and purpose? ''... [what] you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you; are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles, or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or look at the question this way: is it possible, that there are no coincidences?''
7: Do you feel satisfied with the movie's explanation when it comes to the problem of evil and suffering?
In all honesty, I don't remember it. To me, it just seems that God has given us everything we need to get rid of evil and suffering, but we choose not to do it, then blame God for not doing so Himself. That seems like abusing God for something we're doing. DX
8: Do you or does someone you know struggle with faith because of tragic moments in life?
The question, to me, becomes, "Do you know anyone who has had their reality shaken by a loss?" Losing someone or something meaningful can be very hurtful, dangerous, and if we don't get the right answers, we can wreck ourselves pretty darn hard. How do we cope with a loss? How do we deal with hurt? How do we understand and comprehend what is happening? Why did God do this to me? Fighting against futility and pain can leave us feeling very... very... alone. I don't know any faith or any worldview that is not harmed or shaken by the loss of something dear.
I don't struggle with it now, but I have.
9: How would you explain the purpose of life from a Christian perspective?
My short answer would be that God wants us here, and is giving us a chance to, create a Heaven-on-Earth so that we can live happy and joyous lives, building each other up. I think we were meant to live in love, fully, and live without harm and sin. God's respecting of our decisions, though, and wants our true and genuine love. If you don't want that, then He won't make you because it wouldn't be genuine.
10: Would you say that life has no meaning or purpose without God? Why/why not?
I went over this before, but it still remains. Can we really find a true meaning or purpose for our lives if it really means nothing in the grand scale? If if matters only to us, and that's all we care about, I daresay that we aren't living in a society where we consider others. I am unable to live without purpose or meaning. I simply cannot. If I'm unable to find something, then I'll fall into the lowest I can go, and I'd probably be dead soon. Just in the same manner I was before I was a Christian. I hope the urgency of this is made apparent. This is not an easy question.
11: How can you be bold AND respectful when sharing your beliefs with another person?
Respect first. The person you're talking to is a living person with meaning and worth. They are immortals and it's never wise to treat an immortal poorly. (Props to whoever gets that reference.) They deserve your patience and time, so care is necessary. Make sure you're listening before you're talking. Nobody wants to hear "You're wrong" so be nice about how you talk. Show the love God's given you.
12: What are your greatest obstacles toward being a witness for Christ and how you can overcome them?
I don't know how to answer this question. I'm scared of testifying and I'm scared of others because I don't want them to hurt me and I don't want to hurt them. Talking about my faith gets scary because of how horribly others and I have been treated. As always, I'm trying to overcome my fear. I want to make friends, love and be loved, but that is so hard nowadays. I suppose the most I can do is keep a soft heart and approach others with love.
13: What are some questions that you feel are tough to answer when it come to belief in God?
The same questions that I think have always been hard to answer.
I don't even know how to type them right now, I'm so tired. Just understand I don't have all the answers.
14: What are some questions you feel are tough to answer when it comes to believing in Christianity?
How do you feel about what Christianity says about your God in public?
Any question that asks why I choose to be associated negatively. My response is typically that it's between me and God, and if others are doing it wrong, then it's just more encouragement to do it right.
15: Is it possible to have ALL the answers concerned God and Christianity? Why/why not?
No. Because having complete knowledge of anything is an impossibility. That's why we need community.
Conclusion:
Tough questions, short answers, hostile world. Nothing's ever easy. Being loving in a hateful world is one of the hardest tasks.
These are from my new church here in Rolla. It's my second day there and everybody has been so cool and very nice. I wish I could take all my friends, but y'all're too faaar! (Yeah, enjoy that slang double contraction!)
Anyway. I've seen the movie before, but I came at the wrong time and missed 90% of the movie, no kidding. So I don't remember exactly how that movie's arguments are portrayed, but I remember already knowing everything Josh said to the professor. It's something that I had studied before and still study every now and then.
My preface to the questions:
I feel the biggest issue nowadays comes from an improper understanding of the philosophy of science, how science fits into religion, how religion fits into science, and how exactly science and religion have fit together over the years.
I don't like trying to disprove theories that cannot be proven true in the first place. Anybody know the phrase "Innocent until proven guilty?" Science is "Untrue/insufficient until proven true." Frankly, assumptive theories like the Big Bang and evolution cannot be proven true. We will not be able to prove them true until we either time travel or experience another sudden Big Bang which would involve such a release of hazardous radiation that it would atomize the already existing universe. We can say that evolution has happened, with some amount of certainty, but five of the six types of evolution necessary we have no confirming evidence for. Only conjectures. Better yet, those five have never been witnessed! Scientifically, I cannot support those theories! I'm saying this as someone who studies philosophy, science, and is a scientist. (Oh, and the Cyclical theory doesn't explain the origin of matter at all.) More importantly, we portray the question of the Big Bang as the Big Bang being the origin of the universe, when the universe had the Big Bang happen inside of it. That's why I refer to the Big Bang as a Formation Theory, not a Creation Theory.
But these questions are important and they shake the base of the Church, not because they pose a threat to Biblical truth, but because they pose a threat to the hearts and minds of those who observe the Church. You'll see what I mean when I get further down into the questions. It's a tough world to live in, with tough questions that we're not sure we'll ever have the answers for.
The gravest one is:
Is there a God?
The Questions:
1: What was the overall impact that this movie had on you?
Honestly, it seemed kinda silly, because the acting was obviously acting in a few parts and the scenarios presented are not fleshed out enough to feel realistic. They're too short and they're too rough too quickly. But either way, it's touching and presents scenarios that do actually happen. I cried the first time the professor died. I cried when the lady was thrown out of her home by her dad.
2: Did this movie challenge me you to study and learn more about what you believe?
It made no change from my current course of trying to understand what the world is, what love is, what everything means, and how God fits into my life. It challenged me instead to wonder how I'm showing my faith to others.
3: Are there people in your life that are challenging you to prove that God is real or that Christianity is true?
I feel that I'm always under this pressure. I think that people are looking for something in life that will make them feel complete and I wish I could show them what really could. I never really know how to describe how Christianity has changed my view on life and love for the better. I feel that it is truly the only worldview that answers my questions with answers that make sense and are meaningful and can be used in my daily life. I feel like, as God even wants, that my life needs to be an example that God is there and real and listening. If anything, I want my life to be a shining light in the dark, even if it's just a candle in the deepest cave.
4: Did the scenarios seem realistic to you? Why/why not?
Yes and no. Yes because I had one of the scenarios presented happen to me. And no because of how they were presented in the movie (Refer to question 1 about the "no.") The "yes" scenario comes from my Engineering Physics course last year. One day our professor started a presentation about the history of science and its persons. It was interesting and informative until it literally turned into a 'Religion' bashing session in front of 87 students. It was interesting to sit through, because my Muslim friend next to me was equally disgruntled and upset. I don't think that was fair to anyone, even in an Academic sense.
So I have to bring up two points:
1) This happens often. And militant atheists want it to.
Richard Dawkins, and a few other militant atheist/agnostics have "ordered" (their term, not mine) other militant atheists to make sure they interrupt us and don't give us any voice in the world. Literally instructing them to shame us until we're afraid to show our face in public. So take that as you will.
2) It does not accurately address religion and science.
I find it interesting that I have to bring this up. There's a stigma that God and Christianity are outright anti-science when the Bible actually orders us to be the other way around. X3 There's a big issues when people say Christians are anti-science in that it's anti-Scripture to say such and outright mean too. God tells us to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30). Knowledge is a gift from God and anything completely truthful is not a contradiction to him. The Latin language used a word you may recognize to describe knowledge: science. So if science, knowledge, is all truthful and gifted by God, then why would anti-theists argue that science and God conflict because God is anti-science (not saying that God conflicts science, but that God orders us to contradict science)? Here's how the word "science" meaning knowledge fits into morals: conscience. Con: with, Science: knowledge. With knowledge. With knowledge of right and wrong. Refer to my previous journals about ethics and the Nature of Knowledge to learn more about how they fit together.
I'm a computer scientist and I think my last three years of study into philosophy, science, and computer science has only been positively impacted by my understanding of God and science. I think, if anything at the minimum, God fuels my search for knowledge, because through knowledge I can become closer to Him and I hope that I can help others understand.
5: Josh begins his debate by showing that creation itself points to the reality of a Creator. Do you think this is a good place to start? Why/why not?
I'm not sure. It seems to be the biggest issue that people have doubts about. It looks like people think Christianity is based around how Genesis is interpreted, while Christianity is based upon the moral and worldview of God's intention rather than the actual events that happened. Triple-Doctorate John Lennox and I both agree that how we perceive Genesis does not affect salvation and the Bible can include things like the Big Bang and Evolution. The Genome Project Director Francis S. Collins even thinks that evolution and such is evidence for God. So did Darwin. Speaking of Darwin, he was confused about his findings. He found that some of his findings wouldn't explain every natural function and occurrence, especially the eyes, and that it was evidence of God to him. However, Darwin became an agnostic because his daughter died of illness.
But in the scope of the movie, I think Josh needed to use the arguments he provided to help settle doubts regarding the more common issues before getting to the main point that becomes necessary.
6: How do people's views of their origin affect their perspective of life and their view of God?
This question is vitally important because I have seen what happens when people buy into the notion that there's nothing there. So far, there's a long list of suicides. THAT is what I'm trying to prevent.
This question is very important. Are we here because Someone wanted us here and we have worth and purpose or are we just byproducts of celestial nonsense without meaning and purpose? That question certainly feels like a trap, but it's frankly reality and it's the source of serious identity, worth, and purpose. It's one of the more graver questions we come across. This question is hot and no doubt answers get hotter. Some would say that worth, identity, and purpose come from sources other than God, but if that's true, then when we're dead and gone those solutions were meaningless. In the grand scale of it all, we're exactly what scientists have been telling us: just bugs on the surface on a rock hurtling through space.
I can't live with that. I don't want anyone else to live with that. You have worth. You have intrinsic worth. If God says you have worth, it's beyond opinion and I need you to understand that, regardless of whether you think He's real or not. Somethings simply are not up to our opinion. I find more evidence that people can be redeemed than I can that they're truly and forever doomed. If we don't have worth, just here by chance, then nothing really matters. We're just floating clouds of energy that do what can't be scientifically quantified (not to mention, science, if the statement becomes true, is silly now; and truth and love don't matter either).
Does everything have a meaning and purpose? ''... [what] you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you; are you the kind that sees signs, sees miracles, or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or look at the question this way: is it possible, that there are no coincidences?''
7: Do you feel satisfied with the movie's explanation when it comes to the problem of evil and suffering?
In all honesty, I don't remember it. To me, it just seems that God has given us everything we need to get rid of evil and suffering, but we choose not to do it, then blame God for not doing so Himself. That seems like abusing God for something we're doing. DX
8: Do you or does someone you know struggle with faith because of tragic moments in life?
The question, to me, becomes, "Do you know anyone who has had their reality shaken by a loss?" Losing someone or something meaningful can be very hurtful, dangerous, and if we don't get the right answers, we can wreck ourselves pretty darn hard. How do we cope with a loss? How do we deal with hurt? How do we understand and comprehend what is happening? Why did God do this to me? Fighting against futility and pain can leave us feeling very... very... alone. I don't know any faith or any worldview that is not harmed or shaken by the loss of something dear.
I don't struggle with it now, but I have.
9: How would you explain the purpose of life from a Christian perspective?
My short answer would be that God wants us here, and is giving us a chance to, create a Heaven-on-Earth so that we can live happy and joyous lives, building each other up. I think we were meant to live in love, fully, and live without harm and sin. God's respecting of our decisions, though, and wants our true and genuine love. If you don't want that, then He won't make you because it wouldn't be genuine.
10: Would you say that life has no meaning or purpose without God? Why/why not?
I went over this before, but it still remains. Can we really find a true meaning or purpose for our lives if it really means nothing in the grand scale? If if matters only to us, and that's all we care about, I daresay that we aren't living in a society where we consider others. I am unable to live without purpose or meaning. I simply cannot. If I'm unable to find something, then I'll fall into the lowest I can go, and I'd probably be dead soon. Just in the same manner I was before I was a Christian. I hope the urgency of this is made apparent. This is not an easy question.
11: How can you be bold AND respectful when sharing your beliefs with another person?
Respect first. The person you're talking to is a living person with meaning and worth. They are immortals and it's never wise to treat an immortal poorly. (Props to whoever gets that reference.) They deserve your patience and time, so care is necessary. Make sure you're listening before you're talking. Nobody wants to hear "You're wrong" so be nice about how you talk. Show the love God's given you.
12: What are your greatest obstacles toward being a witness for Christ and how you can overcome them?
I don't know how to answer this question. I'm scared of testifying and I'm scared of others because I don't want them to hurt me and I don't want to hurt them. Talking about my faith gets scary because of how horribly others and I have been treated. As always, I'm trying to overcome my fear. I want to make friends, love and be loved, but that is so hard nowadays. I suppose the most I can do is keep a soft heart and approach others with love.
13: What are some questions that you feel are tough to answer when it come to belief in God?
The same questions that I think have always been hard to answer.
I don't even know how to type them right now, I'm so tired. Just understand I don't have all the answers.
14: What are some questions you feel are tough to answer when it comes to believing in Christianity?
How do you feel about what Christianity says about your God in public?
Any question that asks why I choose to be associated negatively. My response is typically that it's between me and God, and if others are doing it wrong, then it's just more encouragement to do it right.
15: Is it possible to have ALL the answers concerned God and Christianity? Why/why not?
No. Because having complete knowledge of anything is an impossibility. That's why we need community.
Conclusion:
Tough questions, short answers, hostile world. Nothing's ever easy. Being loving in a hateful world is one of the hardest tasks.
"Lost at Sea" hit me very hard today.
Posted 11 years ago"Lost at Sea" is a song by The Frozen Ocean. It's mostly ambient but has a spoken word intro. I'll include it below, but this introduction from me below is necessary for the continuity of this journal. There is a transcription of the segment below the link if you're unable to hear. If you don't care, skip to the link. :P
I was listening to it and the words went deep into my chest. I've been wrought with bad luck regarding relationships, and while things were never always bad, it still left me with serious doubts about my future. It's been a big fight between pledging a single life and waiting for the right person to come along to fall in love with.
"I'm tired of taking chances" became my mantra after a while. I got tired of being hurt, and I got tired of trying after the things that I valued most, and I became a frustrated and hopeless person. My affections became fruitless and everything I enjoyed seemed tainted and ruined. So I holed up. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stop taking chances with people because frankly, it hurt. Every time I showed my heart to someone, it got stabbed. There were people who were there through it all, but the bad always feels like it drowns out the good.
In that time period, maybe half a year, almost a whole year, I struggled with value and meaning. Nothing had much worth to me, save for a few friends, but I was lost.
I had a ton of late-night talks with my close friends trying to sort out all of it. It took a while, but it suddenly struck me hard: if we are going to love, we are going to hurt. Else, we will never love and we will never live.
I heard the song tonight while doing laundry. It says exactly what I just stated, but does it more eloquently.
Looking up the link now (writing this journal) informed me that it was from C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves, a book sitting on my shelf in front of me. It's in my reading list, pretty close to coming up.
But I wasn't surprised. Something like this coming from C.S. Lewis is nothing new. Everything he says is genius and meaningful, and it's exactly why he's one of my role models.
Sometimes putting my music library on random will give me music that is indescribably touching and meaningful.
I have my friends to thank for helping me out this far. I appreciate every single one of you.
I was listening to it and the words went deep into my chest. I've been wrought with bad luck regarding relationships, and while things were never always bad, it still left me with serious doubts about my future. It's been a big fight between pledging a single life and waiting for the right person to come along to fall in love with.
"I'm tired of taking chances" became my mantra after a while. I got tired of being hurt, and I got tired of trying after the things that I valued most, and I became a frustrated and hopeless person. My affections became fruitless and everything I enjoyed seemed tainted and ruined. So I holed up. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stop taking chances with people because frankly, it hurt. Every time I showed my heart to someone, it got stabbed. There were people who were there through it all, but the bad always feels like it drowns out the good.
In that time period, maybe half a year, almost a whole year, I struggled with value and meaning. Nothing had much worth to me, save for a few friends, but I was lost.
I had a ton of late-night talks with my close friends trying to sort out all of it. It took a while, but it suddenly struck me hard: if we are going to love, we are going to hurt. Else, we will never love and we will never live.
I heard the song tonight while doing laundry. It says exactly what I just stated, but does it more eloquently.
Looking up the link now (writing this journal) informed me that it was from C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves, a book sitting on my shelf in front of me. It's in my reading list, pretty close to coming up.
But I wasn't surprised. Something like this coming from C.S. Lewis is nothing new. Everything he says is genius and meaningful, and it's exactly why he's one of my role models.
The Frozen Ocean's ''Lost at Sea''
There is no safe investment.
To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be rung and possibly broken.
(If) you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements, lock it up safe in a casket, or a coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it'll change.
It will not be broken.
It'll become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.Sometimes putting my music library on random will give me music that is indescribably touching and meaningful.
I have my friends to thank for helping me out this far. I appreciate every single one of you.
Curo
Posted 11 years ago*flops into his chair, eyes up at the ceiling, speaking softly and slowly*
This is something that I could go for right now.
I long for the days where I can lay my head down and relax and know that all is well.
Curo is Latin for "Rest," which is the first name of my 'sona Curo Amar Salus, which means "Rest, Love, Salvation." Those, I think, are the three most important things in the Universe...
Those who know me well know that I write poetry when I'm feeling strong emotions, and judging from the three that I've posted in the last week...
It's been rough, no doubt, and I've been worried about some of my friends. I don't know what to do. I don't think there's an easy way to say "I think you have an issue," because no one likes to be told what they're doing is bad. That's just a fact. If losing a friend is the cost for saving them then it is worth it, although extremely undesirable.
*voice picks up speed and desperation throughout this paragraph*
I have found my purpose in life, and it's been the same for a few years. But I'm struggling with comfort and meaning and where I fit in with my friends and loved ones. I want my time spent here on Earth to be as meaningful and helpful as possible. I want to touch as many hearts and minds that I can- I want everyone to know they have worth and I want to love relentlessly...
*long quiet sigh, followed by the same slow speech*
...But it seems like every little thing in my life becomes larger until it creates a roadblock and problems only pile on to the end.
It seems the only thing I need to focus on now are those that I love, those who need love, college, God, and making myself a better person. I must learn humility before I can say I have any knowledge of what I'm talking about.
I need to learn my place in the world and show it what love truly is.
And as the result, I hope my ears play a larger role than my tongue and I hope that my heart becomes the softest fleece instead of the hardest stone.
To all of my friends: thank you and I love you.
To any of the new Watchers who may be reading this: thanks for reading and I love you too. :P Srs.
God bless.
This is something that I could go for right now.
I long for the days where I can lay my head down and relax and know that all is well.
Curo is Latin for "Rest," which is the first name of my 'sona Curo Amar Salus, which means "Rest, Love, Salvation." Those, I think, are the three most important things in the Universe...
Those who know me well know that I write poetry when I'm feeling strong emotions, and judging from the three that I've posted in the last week...
It's been rough, no doubt, and I've been worried about some of my friends. I don't know what to do. I don't think there's an easy way to say "I think you have an issue," because no one likes to be told what they're doing is bad. That's just a fact. If losing a friend is the cost for saving them then it is worth it, although extremely undesirable.
*voice picks up speed and desperation throughout this paragraph*
I have found my purpose in life, and it's been the same for a few years. But I'm struggling with comfort and meaning and where I fit in with my friends and loved ones. I want my time spent here on Earth to be as meaningful and helpful as possible. I want to touch as many hearts and minds that I can- I want everyone to know they have worth and I want to love relentlessly...
*long quiet sigh, followed by the same slow speech*
...But it seems like every little thing in my life becomes larger until it creates a roadblock and problems only pile on to the end.
It seems the only thing I need to focus on now are those that I love, those who need love, college, God, and making myself a better person. I must learn humility before I can say I have any knowledge of what I'm talking about.
I need to learn my place in the world and show it what love truly is.
And as the result, I hope my ears play a larger role than my tongue and I hope that my heart becomes the softest fleece instead of the hardest stone.
To all of my friends: thank you and I love you.
To any of the new Watchers who may be reading this: thanks for reading and I love you too. :P Srs.
God bless.
If there's only one video you watch today, watch this:
Posted 11 years agoMy Favorite Youtubers
Posted 11 years agoYoutubers, not channels. I'm writing this in order to buffer out all the stress I've been getting recently due to school and friends.
So here are my favorite YouTubers:
0th: Olan Rogers, FB
1: Markiplier
2: Facedown Records
3: CoryxKenshin
4: JonTron (Warning. Linked video has strong language.)
And I think that's enough? I have fifteen subscriptions, so not many.
So here are my favorite YouTubers:
0th: Olan Rogers, FB
1: Markiplier
2: Facedown Records
3: CoryxKenshin
4: JonTron (Warning. Linked video has strong language.)
And I think that's enough? I have fifteen subscriptions, so not many.
An Explanation of my Male Relationships and Biblical Context
Posted 11 years agoHoh boy this is a touchy subject and no doubt there is going to be some amazing flak to receive for it. So I'll have to explain, wholly, what loving another guy is like for me and what it means for me to do so, as a human and as a Christian.
*loads up his Reginleif armor and hunkers in*
I just ask for your respect.
I must note that all of my relationships are built around the principles in the following journal. Not just male ones. As you will see, both are addressed here with the focus on male relationships.
My first real experience with Biblical stories (aside from the Writing on the Wall in the Book of Daniel) was of Jonathan and David. At this point in my life, where I first read this, I was maybe seven or eight and an atheist. I read the Bible literally randomly because my parents thought it would give me wisdom and make me a good person. My parents didn't know I was a closet atheist throughout most of my childhood until this year (and my dad was/is agnostic). Every night I picked a random page and started reading.
I kinda feel that this story of Jonathan and David fueled my initial perception of love. But it did not guide me until the last couple of years. Learning how homosocial and heterosexual relationships meet was a hard step to understand, but the truth is still apparent, only becoming clearer as I get older.
My parents, especially my dad, occasionally remind me of the questions I asked while I was very young. My dad, in particular, has this one as his favorite, "If everyone can do good, then why aren't we making the world a better place?" I was unable to comprehend why there were poor people, starving people or the reasons why people wanted slaves and money and fame. It never crossed my mind. It only mattered to me if I was doing the right thing to others and to whatever metaphysical 'standard'A of Good that I had conceived.
I held that other people have an unchanging worth; that other people always had value and were important. I thought that there was always good in others, even if it was buried under darkness. And to me, if people had worth, then they deserved respectB. If there was darkness, there was light. If there's light, there's hope.
Love is Sacrifice
I attended church with my mother and I hated it. I really really did. It was the absolute worst thing on the planet to me. To sit there and sing songs to Someone who wasn't listening, to speak to Someone who didn't care, and to talk about Something that in all honesty seemed clueless to our existence. But I was unable to bridge the thought that God was both Good AND Evil if He even existed. I didn't think He did. I had a master-slave relationship in that I asked for things in prayer, received nothing, and though that He didn't exist. The year as I remember praying for an A on an English quiz, getting one and thinking nothing of God anyway, was the year that I remember thinking "If God's real, why would He have to listen to me and do as I tell Him? Who am I to give orders to the Creator of the Universe?"
Around the same time I stumbled across 1st Corinthians 13:4-8:Paul, in his letter to the Corinthian Church, wrote:Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.1
That stuck with me. If I ever had a tattoo, it would be of that. I've seen one before.
That became my calling in life. I wanted to do "Good" and love others and that became my definition of love. I did not, and still do not, believe that someone loves another if they are seeking something to gain. If someone does not sacrifice honestly, then they are not truly loving.
Love is Spiritual
This segment right here is something that I have received a lot of hateful criticism for. Love, in its truest form, is not something experienced by bodies but instead by souls. I cannot comprehend any universe where love is dependent upon explicitly physical substance. I cannot imagine that it is possible for there to be a Loving Good God where love, in its truest form, is physical. If we sacrifice that love is spiritual, we sacrifice that love can be truly inherent to the normative human- meaning that it's not available to truly everyone.
The Greeks had four different kinds of love: Eros, Storge, Philia, and AgapeC. Agape, selfless love, is the love that God/The Bible refers to the most important. In essence, it is the love that drives all truly good actions, and such things do not originate from the body. Any love shared between people must have this as the foundation. If one cannot selflessly love another, they cannot truly say they love them.
The story of Jonathan and David is about two men who loved each other greatly. They formed a covenant, a promise between individuals and GodD. "And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul."2 "Then Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.'" And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city."3,E
Eros may be the only love that we feel with our bodies. It is the romance aspect and almost every human experiences sexuality. I used not too, I know people who don't. Regardless, this love when pure (rare) can be great, but it can also be the largest damage to our relationships. I've come to the conclusion that lovers are no longer lovers when their sense of self has risen and they hold Eros with their partner over their Agape. This is indulging in each other for the sake of indulging, or some façade of actual love. The roadblock appears, most readily visible, when one becomes unable to have sex with their partners, they feel that they lost a greater part of their relationship. This is what I call putting stake in the temporary when the eternal is presented to us. This is the Christian argument that pride/selfishness can wreck what's beautiful. Sex, if anything, should take a backseat to the wealth you have in a eternal being who is a lover. Having pornography, as an example, is both a compromise and an indicator that sex is really what's being looked forward to, not the years of loveF. I've had people come to me and say that sex is the only way to value a relationship, and that is untrue.
I'm not saying sex is not good. I'm instead saying that God has a purpose for sex that supersedes our own wants and our own intentions. God made sex for marriage, so that lovers could start families and be unitive and creative. It is the means by which life can be produced and it is nothing lesser. We should revere our sexual natures because reproduction brings new life, new spirits to the world we have. I am unable to treat sex as anything other than that. We often think of marriage as simply being a union, in which case that is not correct. It is a covenant to God and your lover that you're willing to treat each other as you should, in all accounts, before Him. It is nothing mere in scale of human behavior. It is a permanent promise that He will hold to your word.
One of my relationships ended because he and I decided that we would be better off starting our own families. And in Biblical context, we could still share the love with each other and have families as well, as long as it didn't harm our marriages. Jonathan and David's souls were knit together, and they were best of friends4. I'd kill for that level of commitment (not literally). The line between non-sexual Eros, Storge, and Philia blurs when the Agape is what drives our love and fascination with the spirit of the other.
Love is Honest
If people love each other, then they should not be afraid to deal with the reality of each other. Knowledge is a sign of care and loveG. Loyalty becomes one of the largest issues with relationships. I've seen where people stray and it wrecks one of the partners, and I've seen some sort of inverse where the partner simply does not care about what their other partner does, as long as they come back to them. I find either case to be abusive and the second one to be taking advantage of the partner's affection. If we love someone, we have duties to them. Most notably, as a Christian, I need to serve and I need to protect, and I cannot compromise him/her.
My relationship with my last girlfriend of three years, I broke up with because I did not feel that I could remain loyal. At the time, I could not think of a way that I could maintain a relationship when I already felt so distant from her and lacked feelings. I didn't and couldn't take the chance that I would screw up somehow down the line. I was never tempted to be with someone else while dating, I'd rather die than betray my partner. I broke up because I felt that in the long run I was going to do damage to someone that I cared about. I don't know if that was the right decision, but I feel that it was better not to break her heart more by violating our relationship.
If we love someone, we should never ever betray them. Ever.
We should never ever have to ask our partners to sacrifice something that is Good and honest. Never. It will never make us abandon our beliefs about the God who created us to respect, cherish, and honor.
Love is Harmless
Love is honest and Good and can do no wrong. Anything that is truly good, will not cost us our salvation or our status as persons. I am led to believe, honestly, that nothing good comes from a homosexual relationship. We could argue to the end of the age about studies, about testimonies, and all of that, but we'd never ever come to a conclusion either way because there is too much contradictory evidence and counter-evidence. It is in my personal experience that 'bad things'H happen. I cannot endorse the behaviors because I cannot morally suggest that it's okay. I can only regard from my personal experiences and the testimonies around me.
Selflessly, Love should never be involved in cases where the morality is in question. I know that if I love someone, I'll never ask them to do something that's morally questionable. I would never ever, not even once, willingly ask my partner to gamble with their eternal life or themselves, or anything at all. And I would never gamble with my relationship.
Love is Eternal
Love is of the spirit and so love will last forever beyond our bodies. It is 'transcendental' (just meaning above the individual) in nature to us humans and it is one of the things that can bring us together. All of our sacrifices we make are going to exist forever. The love we share between us as person and the love we share between ourselves and God will be the things we carry on to the timeless eternal. Love will be between us and God and He will carry it with us to what comes next. We are all immortals. Everything we do to each other we will have to account for in eternity. Permanence has intrinsic and unquestionable worth.
The Mixing of Loves
I mentioned above that lines blur a little for someone who loves selflessly. My closest friends I'd undoubtedly say fit in Philia, Storge, and Agape. Maybe not Eros because I'm not 'romantic' with as much, just intimate and close. Eros stands out in that it deals with sexual nature and those lines should not be blurred there. But it happens and it appears to be parasitic. Service becomes 'service' (with a wink and a nudge) and becomes something else, like it's taking over the other loves. But it can also work in the other way. If someone loves selflessly enough, and their affection is really strong, Eros could be formed. It's only important to watch carefully what you do, and even though something may be agreed upon by two individuals, it may still not be right.
What it's like for me:
I'll be short. I typically get emotional highs around those that I love to the degrees that I've been considering throughout this and below. Something about the affection simply feels different. My flesh may not be in it, but my heart is, and that drives the affection on. The commitments that I make with others is what I think differentiates between just close friends and the friends who love each other mutually and intimately. I love my close friends, but whomever I'm 'dating' gets a special place in my heart, time, and mind.
RE: Future relationships
I don't see myself getting in them again. I do want to love and care for someone more than normal, and I want to feel that deep connection again. I hold relationships as a chance to show great honor to the one we love and the One who gave Himself for us. For me it's become a matter of utility because I know I'll screw up somehow in the future and then I'll damage something forever. I'm afraid to take that chance. Even hurting a friend or betraying their trust is enough to make me ill for a few days. And I love my friends a lot. I'd give my life for any of them without thinking twice. I'd do it over and over. My friends are above me and I love them too much to hurt them.
I'll admit I'm a bit of a coward, but the chances of someone loving me back and loving me honestly are null. There may be someone that I do like, but I know enough from text, tone, and association to know that it wouldn't work too well. I just don't like verifying what I already know to be true repeatedly.
Annotations:
A - Ethical Intuition. Not a moral Law, since moral Laws cannot be relative in nature.
B - This is my "Fundamental Law of Intrinsic Social/Moral Respect." People deserve respect, and without it, bad things happen. Assumes by objective meaning that 1: people have unquestionable worth & 2: love and respect are the only two things that people truly deserve. It is normative in the sense that it ought to be this way, and that we should strive towards it. This argument is within a specific scope (Christianity) and cannot be applied elsewhere without adjustments from these basic rules.
C -
Eros: Romantic love.
Storge: Brotherly/familial love.
Philia: Friendly love.
Agape: Selfless love.
D - Covenants are a big deal. A lot of the laws and rules inside Christian theology are formed in Covenants between Man and God. Marriage is an example of a covenant between and woman and a man before God, to be united in flesh and in service towards each, but with God first. Promises are important. Always have been. Always will be.
E - A lot of extraneous contradicting interpretations of Jonathan and David make the assumption that Jonathan and David made a covenant between each other before God while contradicting the Laws and morality that were the standard at the time. If this is an example of an unholy homosexual relationship, then it is really that. Both of them are married to women. If this is used as an example to try to prove that God is in favor of homosexual relationships, which it does not say, then it would be saying that a polygamous and dishonest marriage is what God approves of (not to mention what was happening regarding Jonathan and David's personal lives anyway). Frankly, that cannot happen and to argue otherwise is ultimately silly. It make no sense in any Biblical context. The need to address this is astounding that it even happens.
F - Pornography, when regarded as sin of the heart, is the same as already having done it in real life. Same thing with desires and lust running free. We defile them with our hearts and minds before anything real even happens. And this is a danger, especially, to those who want to prove their commitment. - F.2 - Pornography is damaging to the Psyche as well. It is known to produce many different chemical imbalances and cause behavioral issues.
G - Even for people like me who have memory issues.
H - I am generalizing because I do not want to talk about the things I've heard.
References:
1 - The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.
2 - 1st Samuel 20:17 ESV
3 - 1st Samuel 20:42 ESV
4 - 1st Samuel 18:1 ESV
Consider this your one and only 'knitting' lecture from me.
*loads up his Reginleif armor and hunkers in*
I just ask for your respect.
Jesus answered, "The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:29-31 ESV1I must note that all of my relationships are built around the principles in the following journal. Not just male ones. As you will see, both are addressed here with the focus on male relationships.
My first real experience with Biblical stories (aside from the Writing on the Wall in the Book of Daniel) was of Jonathan and David. At this point in my life, where I first read this, I was maybe seven or eight and an atheist. I read the Bible literally randomly because my parents thought it would give me wisdom and make me a good person. My parents didn't know I was a closet atheist throughout most of my childhood until this year (and my dad was/is agnostic). Every night I picked a random page and started reading.
I kinda feel that this story of Jonathan and David fueled my initial perception of love. But it did not guide me until the last couple of years. Learning how homosocial and heterosexual relationships meet was a hard step to understand, but the truth is still apparent, only becoming clearer as I get older.
My parents, especially my dad, occasionally remind me of the questions I asked while I was very young. My dad, in particular, has this one as his favorite, "If everyone can do good, then why aren't we making the world a better place?" I was unable to comprehend why there were poor people, starving people or the reasons why people wanted slaves and money and fame. It never crossed my mind. It only mattered to me if I was doing the right thing to others and to whatever metaphysical 'standard'A of Good that I had conceived.
I held that other people have an unchanging worth; that other people always had value and were important. I thought that there was always good in others, even if it was buried under darkness. And to me, if people had worth, then they deserved respectB. If there was darkness, there was light. If there's light, there's hope.
Love is Sacrifice
I attended church with my mother and I hated it. I really really did. It was the absolute worst thing on the planet to me. To sit there and sing songs to Someone who wasn't listening, to speak to Someone who didn't care, and to talk about Something that in all honesty seemed clueless to our existence. But I was unable to bridge the thought that God was both Good AND Evil if He even existed. I didn't think He did. I had a master-slave relationship in that I asked for things in prayer, received nothing, and though that He didn't exist. The year as I remember praying for an A on an English quiz, getting one and thinking nothing of God anyway, was the year that I remember thinking "If God's real, why would He have to listen to me and do as I tell Him? Who am I to give orders to the Creator of the Universe?"
Around the same time I stumbled across 1st Corinthians 13:4-8:Paul, in his letter to the Corinthian Church, wrote:Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.1
That stuck with me. If I ever had a tattoo, it would be of that. I've seen one before.
That became my calling in life. I wanted to do "Good" and love others and that became my definition of love. I did not, and still do not, believe that someone loves another if they are seeking something to gain. If someone does not sacrifice honestly, then they are not truly loving.
Love is Spiritual
This segment right here is something that I have received a lot of hateful criticism for. Love, in its truest form, is not something experienced by bodies but instead by souls. I cannot comprehend any universe where love is dependent upon explicitly physical substance. I cannot imagine that it is possible for there to be a Loving Good God where love, in its truest form, is physical. If we sacrifice that love is spiritual, we sacrifice that love can be truly inherent to the normative human- meaning that it's not available to truly everyone.
The Greeks had four different kinds of love: Eros, Storge, Philia, and AgapeC. Agape, selfless love, is the love that God/The Bible refers to the most important. In essence, it is the love that drives all truly good actions, and such things do not originate from the body. Any love shared between people must have this as the foundation. If one cannot selflessly love another, they cannot truly say they love them.
The story of Jonathan and David is about two men who loved each other greatly. They formed a covenant, a promise between individuals and GodD. "And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul."2 "Then Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.'" And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city."3,E
Eros may be the only love that we feel with our bodies. It is the romance aspect and almost every human experiences sexuality. I used not too, I know people who don't. Regardless, this love when pure (rare) can be great, but it can also be the largest damage to our relationships. I've come to the conclusion that lovers are no longer lovers when their sense of self has risen and they hold Eros with their partner over their Agape. This is indulging in each other for the sake of indulging, or some façade of actual love. The roadblock appears, most readily visible, when one becomes unable to have sex with their partners, they feel that they lost a greater part of their relationship. This is what I call putting stake in the temporary when the eternal is presented to us. This is the Christian argument that pride/selfishness can wreck what's beautiful. Sex, if anything, should take a backseat to the wealth you have in a eternal being who is a lover. Having pornography, as an example, is both a compromise and an indicator that sex is really what's being looked forward to, not the years of loveF. I've had people come to me and say that sex is the only way to value a relationship, and that is untrue.
I'm not saying sex is not good. I'm instead saying that God has a purpose for sex that supersedes our own wants and our own intentions. God made sex for marriage, so that lovers could start families and be unitive and creative. It is the means by which life can be produced and it is nothing lesser. We should revere our sexual natures because reproduction brings new life, new spirits to the world we have. I am unable to treat sex as anything other than that. We often think of marriage as simply being a union, in which case that is not correct. It is a covenant to God and your lover that you're willing to treat each other as you should, in all accounts, before Him. It is nothing mere in scale of human behavior. It is a permanent promise that He will hold to your word.
One of my relationships ended because he and I decided that we would be better off starting our own families. And in Biblical context, we could still share the love with each other and have families as well, as long as it didn't harm our marriages. Jonathan and David's souls were knit together, and they were best of friends4. I'd kill for that level of commitment (not literally). The line between non-sexual Eros, Storge, and Philia blurs when the Agape is what drives our love and fascination with the spirit of the other.
Love is Honest
If people love each other, then they should not be afraid to deal with the reality of each other. Knowledge is a sign of care and loveG. Loyalty becomes one of the largest issues with relationships. I've seen where people stray and it wrecks one of the partners, and I've seen some sort of inverse where the partner simply does not care about what their other partner does, as long as they come back to them. I find either case to be abusive and the second one to be taking advantage of the partner's affection. If we love someone, we have duties to them. Most notably, as a Christian, I need to serve and I need to protect, and I cannot compromise him/her.
My relationship with my last girlfriend of three years, I broke up with because I did not feel that I could remain loyal. At the time, I could not think of a way that I could maintain a relationship when I already felt so distant from her and lacked feelings. I didn't and couldn't take the chance that I would screw up somehow down the line. I was never tempted to be with someone else while dating, I'd rather die than betray my partner. I broke up because I felt that in the long run I was going to do damage to someone that I cared about. I don't know if that was the right decision, but I feel that it was better not to break her heart more by violating our relationship.
If we love someone, we should never ever betray them. Ever.
We should never ever have to ask our partners to sacrifice something that is Good and honest. Never. It will never make us abandon our beliefs about the God who created us to respect, cherish, and honor.
Love is Harmless
Love is honest and Good and can do no wrong. Anything that is truly good, will not cost us our salvation or our status as persons. I am led to believe, honestly, that nothing good comes from a homosexual relationship. We could argue to the end of the age about studies, about testimonies, and all of that, but we'd never ever come to a conclusion either way because there is too much contradictory evidence and counter-evidence. It is in my personal experience that 'bad things'H happen. I cannot endorse the behaviors because I cannot morally suggest that it's okay. I can only regard from my personal experiences and the testimonies around me.
Selflessly, Love should never be involved in cases where the morality is in question. I know that if I love someone, I'll never ask them to do something that's morally questionable. I would never ever, not even once, willingly ask my partner to gamble with their eternal life or themselves, or anything at all. And I would never gamble with my relationship.
Love is Eternal
Love is of the spirit and so love will last forever beyond our bodies. It is 'transcendental' (just meaning above the individual) in nature to us humans and it is one of the things that can bring us together. All of our sacrifices we make are going to exist forever. The love we share between us as person and the love we share between ourselves and God will be the things we carry on to the timeless eternal. Love will be between us and God and He will carry it with us to what comes next. We are all immortals. Everything we do to each other we will have to account for in eternity. Permanence has intrinsic and unquestionable worth.
The Mixing of Loves
I mentioned above that lines blur a little for someone who loves selflessly. My closest friends I'd undoubtedly say fit in Philia, Storge, and Agape. Maybe not Eros because I'm not 'romantic' with as much, just intimate and close. Eros stands out in that it deals with sexual nature and those lines should not be blurred there. But it happens and it appears to be parasitic. Service becomes 'service' (with a wink and a nudge) and becomes something else, like it's taking over the other loves. But it can also work in the other way. If someone loves selflessly enough, and their affection is really strong, Eros could be formed. It's only important to watch carefully what you do, and even though something may be agreed upon by two individuals, it may still not be right.
What it's like for me:
I'll be short. I typically get emotional highs around those that I love to the degrees that I've been considering throughout this and below. Something about the affection simply feels different. My flesh may not be in it, but my heart is, and that drives the affection on. The commitments that I make with others is what I think differentiates between just close friends and the friends who love each other mutually and intimately. I love my close friends, but whomever I'm 'dating' gets a special place in my heart, time, and mind.
RE: Future relationships
I don't see myself getting in them again. I do want to love and care for someone more than normal, and I want to feel that deep connection again. I hold relationships as a chance to show great honor to the one we love and the One who gave Himself for us. For me it's become a matter of utility because I know I'll screw up somehow in the future and then I'll damage something forever. I'm afraid to take that chance. Even hurting a friend or betraying their trust is enough to make me ill for a few days. And I love my friends a lot. I'd give my life for any of them without thinking twice. I'd do it over and over. My friends are above me and I love them too much to hurt them.
I'll admit I'm a bit of a coward, but the chances of someone loving me back and loving me honestly are null. There may be someone that I do like, but I know enough from text, tone, and association to know that it wouldn't work too well. I just don't like verifying what I already know to be true repeatedly.
Annotations:
A - Ethical Intuition. Not a moral Law, since moral Laws cannot be relative in nature.
B - This is my "Fundamental Law of Intrinsic Social/Moral Respect." People deserve respect, and without it, bad things happen. Assumes by objective meaning that 1: people have unquestionable worth & 2: love and respect are the only two things that people truly deserve. It is normative in the sense that it ought to be this way, and that we should strive towards it. This argument is within a specific scope (Christianity) and cannot be applied elsewhere without adjustments from these basic rules.
C -
Eros: Romantic love.
Storge: Brotherly/familial love.
Philia: Friendly love.
Agape: Selfless love.
D - Covenants are a big deal. A lot of the laws and rules inside Christian theology are formed in Covenants between Man and God. Marriage is an example of a covenant between and woman and a man before God, to be united in flesh and in service towards each, but with God first. Promises are important. Always have been. Always will be.
E - A lot of extraneous contradicting interpretations of Jonathan and David make the assumption that Jonathan and David made a covenant between each other before God while contradicting the Laws and morality that were the standard at the time. If this is an example of an unholy homosexual relationship, then it is really that. Both of them are married to women. If this is used as an example to try to prove that God is in favor of homosexual relationships, which it does not say, then it would be saying that a polygamous and dishonest marriage is what God approves of (not to mention what was happening regarding Jonathan and David's personal lives anyway). Frankly, that cannot happen and to argue otherwise is ultimately silly. It make no sense in any Biblical context. The need to address this is astounding that it even happens.
F - Pornography, when regarded as sin of the heart, is the same as already having done it in real life. Same thing with desires and lust running free. We defile them with our hearts and minds before anything real even happens. And this is a danger, especially, to those who want to prove their commitment. - F.2 - Pornography is damaging to the Psyche as well. It is known to produce many different chemical imbalances and cause behavioral issues.
G - Even for people like me who have memory issues.
H - I am generalizing because I do not want to talk about the things I've heard.
References:
1 - The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.
2 - 1st Samuel 20:17 ESV
3 - 1st Samuel 20:42 ESV
4 - 1st Samuel 18:1 ESV
Consider this your one and only 'knitting' lecture from me.
A Question and Long Answer About my Fiction Writing
Posted 11 years ago(Update: One pass in editing. Still not 'perfect.' Forgive me.)
Question: What are some of the things about your story that you pay attention to while you write?
Answer:
I pay attention to a lot of things, really. The story fits together in three categories: characters, universe, and meta. So I'll answer this question by asking the questions I ask myself.
Characters:
My main focus is on characters because characters drive events and events drive the story. Characters are people and therefore demand the attention people should get. I do not write one dimensional characters.
I look at their motives, feelings, ambitions, desires, and how each of those apply to their life and situations. I usually do not predefine these as I write a story. I come to the story with a premise and let a character run through the premise in the course of the story.
My characters are typically developed in three ways:
Their Past: What do their previous actions say about them? How have they grown from these events? Are they shaped by their past more than their convictions? How does this affect their relationships?
How much of the past will be included in the story? Are they traumatized by their past? (A great deal of Starlight is about coming to terms with things that happened in the past. Three of the main characters have a form of PTSD.)
Their personality: In effect, their present. This is who they are at the moment and how they are affected by their current events. The personality of each character is fluid, even if it's only a little affected by the change. The main features of someone's personality may never change. Aaron Jaines, as an example, is a relentless friend and never stops caring about others, even as he's tested.
Their goals and desires are tested heavily by the events, even if we never see it. It's important to know that each of my characters is thinking, even if it's not apparent. :P
So how do my characters handle situations? Do they work on them in private, dread over them, internalize them, make a problem out of it, laugh it off, work with others?
How do they dress? Favorite color? Music? What do they like about others? Themselves?
Where do they get their morals and how do they value their morals?
Their potential:
My character's change and their development is important. This section is important not because it serves as a way to gauge character development but is great for characters to see others' potential.
Where do they want to go? Do they want a family? Kids? Love? A good job? How do they value service against how they feel about the world? How do they think their relationships will evolve? (A great deal of Starlight is how to deal with a ruined future as well.)
More about characters in the Meta section.
Universe:
The universe is something that I work on a lot. It affects the upbringing of the characters. It bleeds out what jobs can be done, what the people believe, how exactly they live.
Looking at how characters progress in their past based on their locale is very important. In Istana, for example, there are differences in personality between someone from Torkran than there would be from Kingdom de Dorveir (complete opposite ends of the continent). In the same way there are personality differences between someone from the US and someone from Europe.
So while writing, I consider outside events (events that take place outside of the main characters' frame of reference) as part of the universe. The Belt Incident from Starlight would be considered an outside event because the main characters had no part in it. So far, The Great Divergence lacks current outside events because time has not passed and things have not gone on. However, there are a great deal of past events.
As the universe develops, it's noteworthy to pay attention to static and dynamic objects. It's possible to look at the world in an animistic sense and say it's living. Certain things change. Certain things don't.
Earthmover, from The Warriors of Crystal is a massive example of a static object. He guards Origin and will wreck your shtuff hard if you approach. Origin itself is a permanently static and unchanging location, Eviscerator, the Soul Reaper, is another example of a static object that will also wreck your shtuff if you get near.
Yet, in Warriors, the mountain ranges are as flexible as a limb, since powerful magicians can create them to destroy massive armies or shape the world.
In Istana (The Great Divergence), the location of Myasmorkos is in the middle of a giant meteorite crater, fastened on top of the Hyvrex Nexus, a crystal of great and dark power. This plays heavily into the Supreme Council and the relationship between Torkran and Myasmorkos.
So, how is the universe shaped by events and vice versa? What events were necessary for the creation of the people that live there? What's the scale and scope of the landscape and events? How are they changing? Is there a decay or a construction going on?
The Meta (My favorite)
This is the best section because it looks at every factor. It is simply: how do things fit together and what do they mean?
It is symbolism. It is relationships. It is values. It is universal constants. It is objective. It is relative normalcy. It is more than I can list here.
This is also the vaguest part for the reader. Every story I write is so jam-packed with meta that it's hard to realize all of it. Each story could be read within the context of four or five different metaphysical conceits and not be wrong, and all would be supplementary to each other.
For example, what is the relationship between Aaron and Selena like? Salem and Selena? What does it mean for them to be close? Under what circumstance did they drive each other in their lives but still be distant? How is it that they were driven apart? What does all of this mean?
How does Tanna and Niko's friendship work? What will happen to them? What significance does the Jasper King have above His sea of crystal glass? The pendant? What does the conflict between The Kniessan Empire and the Triumvurate mean? How does it work?
How do the different types of relationship work? Speech acts? Speech dynamics? Affection? Friendship? Love? Romance? Where do each of these originate?
Exactly how does the world fit together and what does that imply?
It is stuff like this that I go through while writing. I'm thinking about it almost all the time because these things mean a lot to me as a writer and a reader.
It's interesting when I see what people glean from the story.
Question: What are some of the things about your story that you pay attention to while you write?
Answer:
I pay attention to a lot of things, really. The story fits together in three categories: characters, universe, and meta. So I'll answer this question by asking the questions I ask myself.
Characters:
My main focus is on characters because characters drive events and events drive the story. Characters are people and therefore demand the attention people should get. I do not write one dimensional characters.
I look at their motives, feelings, ambitions, desires, and how each of those apply to their life and situations. I usually do not predefine these as I write a story. I come to the story with a premise and let a character run through the premise in the course of the story.
My characters are typically developed in three ways:
Their Past: What do their previous actions say about them? How have they grown from these events? Are they shaped by their past more than their convictions? How does this affect their relationships?
How much of the past will be included in the story? Are they traumatized by their past? (A great deal of Starlight is about coming to terms with things that happened in the past. Three of the main characters have a form of PTSD.)
Their personality: In effect, their present. This is who they are at the moment and how they are affected by their current events. The personality of each character is fluid, even if it's only a little affected by the change. The main features of someone's personality may never change. Aaron Jaines, as an example, is a relentless friend and never stops caring about others, even as he's tested.
Their goals and desires are tested heavily by the events, even if we never see it. It's important to know that each of my characters is thinking, even if it's not apparent. :P
So how do my characters handle situations? Do they work on them in private, dread over them, internalize them, make a problem out of it, laugh it off, work with others?
How do they dress? Favorite color? Music? What do they like about others? Themselves?
Where do they get their morals and how do they value their morals?
Their potential:
My character's change and their development is important. This section is important not because it serves as a way to gauge character development but is great for characters to see others' potential.
Where do they want to go? Do they want a family? Kids? Love? A good job? How do they value service against how they feel about the world? How do they think their relationships will evolve? (A great deal of Starlight is how to deal with a ruined future as well.)
More about characters in the Meta section.
Universe:
The universe is something that I work on a lot. It affects the upbringing of the characters. It bleeds out what jobs can be done, what the people believe, how exactly they live.
Looking at how characters progress in their past based on their locale is very important. In Istana, for example, there are differences in personality between someone from Torkran than there would be from Kingdom de Dorveir (complete opposite ends of the continent). In the same way there are personality differences between someone from the US and someone from Europe.
So while writing, I consider outside events (events that take place outside of the main characters' frame of reference) as part of the universe. The Belt Incident from Starlight would be considered an outside event because the main characters had no part in it. So far, The Great Divergence lacks current outside events because time has not passed and things have not gone on. However, there are a great deal of past events.
As the universe develops, it's noteworthy to pay attention to static and dynamic objects. It's possible to look at the world in an animistic sense and say it's living. Certain things change. Certain things don't.
Earthmover, from The Warriors of Crystal is a massive example of a static object. He guards Origin and will wreck your shtuff hard if you approach. Origin itself is a permanently static and unchanging location, Eviscerator, the Soul Reaper, is another example of a static object that will also wreck your shtuff if you get near.
Yet, in Warriors, the mountain ranges are as flexible as a limb, since powerful magicians can create them to destroy massive armies or shape the world.
In Istana (The Great Divergence), the location of Myasmorkos is in the middle of a giant meteorite crater, fastened on top of the Hyvrex Nexus, a crystal of great and dark power. This plays heavily into the Supreme Council and the relationship between Torkran and Myasmorkos.
So, how is the universe shaped by events and vice versa? What events were necessary for the creation of the people that live there? What's the scale and scope of the landscape and events? How are they changing? Is there a decay or a construction going on?
The Meta (My favorite)
This is the best section because it looks at every factor. It is simply: how do things fit together and what do they mean?
It is symbolism. It is relationships. It is values. It is universal constants. It is objective. It is relative normalcy. It is more than I can list here.
This is also the vaguest part for the reader. Every story I write is so jam-packed with meta that it's hard to realize all of it. Each story could be read within the context of four or five different metaphysical conceits and not be wrong, and all would be supplementary to each other.
For example, what is the relationship between Aaron and Selena like? Salem and Selena? What does it mean for them to be close? Under what circumstance did they drive each other in their lives but still be distant? How is it that they were driven apart? What does all of this mean?
How does Tanna and Niko's friendship work? What will happen to them? What significance does the Jasper King have above His sea of crystal glass? The pendant? What does the conflict between The Kniessan Empire and the Triumvurate mean? How does it work?
How do the different types of relationship work? Speech acts? Speech dynamics? Affection? Friendship? Love? Romance? Where do each of these originate?
Exactly how does the world fit together and what does that imply?
It is stuff like this that I go through while writing. I'm thinking about it almost all the time because these things mean a lot to me as a writer and a reader.
It's interesting when I see what people glean from the story.
I've Been Asked About My Relationships A Lot...
Posted 11 years agoSo I'm writing this to answer all of them for everyone.
I identify as a bisexual who's functionally straight but willingly asexual. In other words, my body may be attracted to both genders, but I'll only consummate under a God-sanctioned marriage, if I ever let myself get into a relationship. To cut it short, by utility, would be to say that I'm straight with bisexual tendencies?
I don't know. Sexuality isn't important to me unless it's holy.
So I've been asked several questions recently:
1: How many relationships have you been in?
I've been in two "real" relationships, two "attempted" relationships. I've been cheated on once, and that relationship, and one of the attempted ones, it was shown rather bluntly how little I mattered in it all. Basically, in both instances, I was rejected and told I'm worthless.
2: You're single now?
I've been "single" since March of last year. I broke up with her because I thought there was no way I could maintain both college and a long-distance relationship again. I didn't want to take the chance that I would end up harming her somehow in the future because of my own weaknesses.
3: Will you date guys?
Homosocially and homosocially only. If I love someone, I love their soul not their bodies. I won't risk my faith and my moral duties to chase temporary pleasures.
4: What was your longest relationship?
The one that ended in March last year. Went three years, one of those was during my first year of college in high school.
5: What do you look for in people?
Honesty. Care. Love. Faith. Loyalty. A certain degree of "realness."
6: Is there anybody you want at the moment?
Not really, because there are a lot of parameters of who I'm looking for. Not to mention that I'm not really looking for anyone at the moment either.
7: Would you chance getting into a relationship again?
I won't initiate anything. I would contemplate getting into a relationship again.
So there's seven questions and answers. Y'all're curious about it.
I identify as a bisexual who's functionally straight but willingly asexual. In other words, my body may be attracted to both genders, but I'll only consummate under a God-sanctioned marriage, if I ever let myself get into a relationship. To cut it short, by utility, would be to say that I'm straight with bisexual tendencies?
I don't know. Sexuality isn't important to me unless it's holy.
So I've been asked several questions recently:
1: How many relationships have you been in?
I've been in two "real" relationships, two "attempted" relationships. I've been cheated on once, and that relationship, and one of the attempted ones, it was shown rather bluntly how little I mattered in it all. Basically, in both instances, I was rejected and told I'm worthless.
2: You're single now?
I've been "single" since March of last year. I broke up with her because I thought there was no way I could maintain both college and a long-distance relationship again. I didn't want to take the chance that I would end up harming her somehow in the future because of my own weaknesses.
3: Will you date guys?
Homosocially and homosocially only. If I love someone, I love their soul not their bodies. I won't risk my faith and my moral duties to chase temporary pleasures.
4: What was your longest relationship?
The one that ended in March last year. Went three years, one of those was during my first year of college in high school.
5: What do you look for in people?
Honesty. Care. Love. Faith. Loyalty. A certain degree of "realness."
6: Is there anybody you want at the moment?
Not really, because there are a lot of parameters of who I'm looking for. Not to mention that I'm not really looking for anyone at the moment either.
7: Would you chance getting into a relationship again?
I won't initiate anything. I would contemplate getting into a relationship again.
So there's seven questions and answers. Y'all're curious about it.
Two Faces
Posted 11 years agoGoing to church doesn't make you a Christian.
*throws a chair*
LIVE THE LIFE OR STOP PRETENDING.
I'm TIRED of being betrayed.
There are CONSEQUENCES to EVERYTHING YOU DO.
This was the easiest way to show you didn't care and I didn't matter.
*throws a chair*
LIVE THE LIFE OR STOP PRETENDING.
I'm TIRED of being betrayed.
There are CONSEQUENCES to EVERYTHING YOU DO.
This was the easiest way to show you didn't care and I didn't matter.
The Great Divergence Part Two Posted (some stats too)
Posted 11 years agoHave at it. Don't skip the header.
Word counts and file size:
(Not counting the headers, and not counting the annotations for the Heavy versions.)
Part One Lite: 1,735, 22KB for full file.
Part One Heavy: 1,944, 28KB
Part Two Lite: 2,275 27KB
Part Two Heavy: 3,229 886KB .pdf, 280KB .docx
I would heavily appreciate criticisms beyond typo-fixes. Seriously, typo-fixes for someone who's dyslexic-by-stress is like a feedback loop. Don't be that guy.
Word counts and file size:
(Not counting the headers, and not counting the annotations for the Heavy versions.)
Part One Lite: 1,735, 22KB for full file.
Part One Heavy: 1,944, 28KB
Part Two Lite: 2,275 27KB
Part Two Heavy: 3,229 886KB .pdf, 280KB .docx
I would heavily appreciate criticisms beyond typo-fixes. Seriously, typo-fixes for someone who's dyslexic-by-stress is like a feedback loop. Don't be that guy.
Where I Would Be Now If...
Posted 11 years agoI...
Didn't have my pectus excavatum:
If I didn't have this, I would be in the Marines right now, either working on Intelligence or running battlefield data. (I had a 93 on the ASVAB.)
Didn't become a Christian:
Dead by my own hand.
Actually Decided to Join the Military in the Summer 2013 Instead of Attending College:
Probably dead then too, also in effect by my own hand.
Didn't Attend College:
Probably out being an autodidact or signing up for the military.
When asked, this question is really a "What if" in disguise. I could do this all day and it would do nothing. If I constantly look at where I am, where I've been, or where I think I should be, I ignore the question of "Where I can be."
I keep trying to look forward, but the past comes along kicking and screaming, clawing at my legs, trying to bring me.
This is a situation I've been dealing with my whole life yet it still haunts me. Can I hear your guys' thoughts regarding these issues? How do you deal with "what if's?"
Didn't have my pectus excavatum:
If I didn't have this, I would be in the Marines right now, either working on Intelligence or running battlefield data. (I had a 93 on the ASVAB.)
Didn't become a Christian:
Dead by my own hand.
Actually Decided to Join the Military in the Summer 2013 Instead of Attending College:
Probably dead then too, also in effect by my own hand.
Didn't Attend College:
Probably out being an autodidact or signing up for the military.
When asked, this question is really a "What if" in disguise. I could do this all day and it would do nothing. If I constantly look at where I am, where I've been, or where I think I should be, I ignore the question of "Where I can be."
I keep trying to look forward, but the past comes along kicking and screaming, clawing at my legs, trying to bring me.
This is a situation I've been dealing with my whole life yet it still haunts me. Can I hear your guys' thoughts regarding these issues? How do you deal with "what if's?"
We Ain't Talkin'
Posted 11 years agoWe ain't ever talkin'.
I've wanted to write something like this for a long-long time. I've either forgotten, or I've put it off, or something else got in the way. Last night it was on my mind, but my sickness postponed it and The Great Divergence.
I'm writing this as a critique of human nature, as such, I'm included. Do not think I exclude myself from the scope of this argument.
So we aren't talking. I think our communication skills, as humans, has dwindled to an all-time low. My first main conjecture has to do with communication via text or communication via audio only, and my second conjecture regarding the status of our relationships.
When we talk with people, we talk in three different ways:
1: Word choice and organization. (Connotation, annotation, referral, grammar, stress, et al.)
2: Tone.
3: Body language.
When we use text, we cut off the latter two of those. If we try to interject a tone through role-play words and adverbs, we ignore the meat behind tone: inflection. If you put emphasis on any different word in a sentence, the meaning is changed. We can try, but text is not near as viable and voice-only is not near as viable as being in person or using video chat. With just plain text, we often read too much or too little into what people say, and sometimes, read it in the incorrect tone in our minds. We can completely misunderstand the intentions of something.
However, that is not the matter I'm bringing up.
A lot of my text involves cuddling or things involved to bring up happy thoughts and sensations, and sometimes I feel that the friendships are starting to revolve around those. With some of my friends, I feel that I've become so distant and so unsure about how to even talk to them. Cuddle chats and etc., I think, have become a wedge between people and the more it happens, the more it drives us apart. The only way to bridge the gap that's being created is to actually converse in deep conversation.
...And we slip up there too. A lot of our effort, even unconsciously, is put into how we word things. A lot of that effort is sometimes drained before the topic is addressed whatsoever. With some of the conversations I've had in the last couple months, the actual topic has been sidelined entirely. I tend to think that people avoid discussions that involve dangerous and controversial topics when those are the ones we should be addressing the most. That is, after all, the things that make us comfortable or uncomfortable. They also tend to be the matters that really define our characters.
The following is a brief list of thoughts that I have kept to myself in the last few months:
1) What happens if I find that I'm no longer able to keep my faith?
2) Every time I see pornography of friends, I'm disturbed and terrified of the long-term consequences of such.
3) I wonder how my bisexuality/fluid-sexuality affects how people view me. Does the fact that sexuality and Christianity "conflict" in the modern world mean that I'm the enemy of both parties? Do people see me differently because of this? If I really don't care about my sexuality, will it still affect them?
4) I don't know how to tell my friends who aren't Christian that Christ is the best thing that I think could ever happen to them.
5) I don't know how to live in a world where people a lot of who claim to be Christian tend not to be Christian in the slightest; or care about their faith in the slightest.
6) I can't tell my friends that what I think they're doing is wrong (I can't disagree) without being a "judgmental a-hole" although I'm voicing my opinion because I'm legitimately concerned.
I have discussed zero of these points with anybody. I have discussed controversial topics with two of my friends, and that is not near enough communication.
Do we care about our friends enough to ask them what matters most? To share values?
This is perhaps the most troubling part for me and the people I've asked. The question itself seems awkward and out of place in any conversation: "What matters most to you?" It's 'too deep' to ask out of the blue, apparently. Some are unprepared, and I can understand that- it takes time to inventory ourselves. I've become afraid to ask this question.
But I've never been asked that question and I think we've 'sedated' ourselves with the concept of having friends to the point that it doesn't matter who our friends are and what they value. I don't mean, for the contrary, that we should take a razor and cut away all our friends that disagree. I mean having thoughtful discourse with our friends about what's important. After all these years, we've become more able to converse but less able to effectively communicate what makes us us. Frankly, we ain't talking.
Technology brings our presence across miles to where we're in effect next to each other but we're becoming further and further apart. I think having a friendship where we can openly discuss tough topics and accept each other is what makes friends truly friends. I don't think people who chat for warm fuzzy five-minute-feelings are truly friends. If we can love each other enough that we're no longer caring with simple emotion, but with our full hearts and minds...
I don't know... really. This world has become so divisive about different opinions I believe this separation between people is making this gap between friends a normal occurrence. After a while, I think being close with friends "in spirit" will be the defining gap between people. Right now, it serves as the marking divisor between acquaintances and my true friends. It's heartbreaking to me. I don't like the idea that two individuals who disagree on a topic have to be distant. It didn't used to be that way. Old religious critics of society used to give examples of a Muslim and Christian disagreeing and using such as the fuel for a hearty relationship:
"A boundary unites. Many a magnanimous Moslem and chivalrous Crusader must have been nearer to each other... ... 'I say God is One," and "I say God is One but also Three," and that is the beginning of a good quarrelsome, manly friendship. (...) Our political vagueness divides men, it does not fuse them." 1
I dare say that we are driving walls between each other instead of bridging the gap. It seems that our vagueness regarding each other has become the norm, and as such, we're becoming interested in being friends if they comfort us. And following from that, I think it could possibly even extend that we are only happy if we're not caring for our friends... that we're not responsible with our friendships and knowledge of our loved ones.
1 - Pages 16~20, "What Is Wrong With The World", G.K. Chesterton. (Published 1910,) Kindle edition.
I've wanted to write something like this for a long-long time. I've either forgotten, or I've put it off, or something else got in the way. Last night it was on my mind, but my sickness postponed it and The Great Divergence.
I'm writing this as a critique of human nature, as such, I'm included. Do not think I exclude myself from the scope of this argument.
So we aren't talking. I think our communication skills, as humans, has dwindled to an all-time low. My first main conjecture has to do with communication via text or communication via audio only, and my second conjecture regarding the status of our relationships.
When we talk with people, we talk in three different ways:
1: Word choice and organization. (Connotation, annotation, referral, grammar, stress, et al.)
2: Tone.
3: Body language.
When we use text, we cut off the latter two of those. If we try to interject a tone through role-play words and adverbs, we ignore the meat behind tone: inflection. If you put emphasis on any different word in a sentence, the meaning is changed. We can try, but text is not near as viable and voice-only is not near as viable as being in person or using video chat. With just plain text, we often read too much or too little into what people say, and sometimes, read it in the incorrect tone in our minds. We can completely misunderstand the intentions of something.
However, that is not the matter I'm bringing up.
A lot of my text involves cuddling or things involved to bring up happy thoughts and sensations, and sometimes I feel that the friendships are starting to revolve around those. With some of my friends, I feel that I've become so distant and so unsure about how to even talk to them. Cuddle chats and etc., I think, have become a wedge between people and the more it happens, the more it drives us apart. The only way to bridge the gap that's being created is to actually converse in deep conversation.
...And we slip up there too. A lot of our effort, even unconsciously, is put into how we word things. A lot of that effort is sometimes drained before the topic is addressed whatsoever. With some of the conversations I've had in the last couple months, the actual topic has been sidelined entirely. I tend to think that people avoid discussions that involve dangerous and controversial topics when those are the ones we should be addressing the most. That is, after all, the things that make us comfortable or uncomfortable. They also tend to be the matters that really define our characters.
The following is a brief list of thoughts that I have kept to myself in the last few months:
1) What happens if I find that I'm no longer able to keep my faith?
2) Every time I see pornography of friends, I'm disturbed and terrified of the long-term consequences of such.
3) I wonder how my bisexuality/fluid-sexuality affects how people view me. Does the fact that sexuality and Christianity "conflict" in the modern world mean that I'm the enemy of both parties? Do people see me differently because of this? If I really don't care about my sexuality, will it still affect them?
4) I don't know how to tell my friends who aren't Christian that Christ is the best thing that I think could ever happen to them.
5) I don't know how to live in a world where people a lot of who claim to be Christian tend not to be Christian in the slightest; or care about their faith in the slightest.
6) I can't tell my friends that what I think they're doing is wrong (I can't disagree) without being a "judgmental a-hole" although I'm voicing my opinion because I'm legitimately concerned.
I have discussed zero of these points with anybody. I have discussed controversial topics with two of my friends, and that is not near enough communication.
Do we care about our friends enough to ask them what matters most? To share values?
This is perhaps the most troubling part for me and the people I've asked. The question itself seems awkward and out of place in any conversation: "What matters most to you?" It's 'too deep' to ask out of the blue, apparently. Some are unprepared, and I can understand that- it takes time to inventory ourselves. I've become afraid to ask this question.
But I've never been asked that question and I think we've 'sedated' ourselves with the concept of having friends to the point that it doesn't matter who our friends are and what they value. I don't mean, for the contrary, that we should take a razor and cut away all our friends that disagree. I mean having thoughtful discourse with our friends about what's important. After all these years, we've become more able to converse but less able to effectively communicate what makes us us. Frankly, we ain't talking.
Technology brings our presence across miles to where we're in effect next to each other but we're becoming further and further apart. I think having a friendship where we can openly discuss tough topics and accept each other is what makes friends truly friends. I don't think people who chat for warm fuzzy five-minute-feelings are truly friends. If we can love each other enough that we're no longer caring with simple emotion, but with our full hearts and minds...
I don't know... really. This world has become so divisive about different opinions I believe this separation between people is making this gap between friends a normal occurrence. After a while, I think being close with friends "in spirit" will be the defining gap between people. Right now, it serves as the marking divisor between acquaintances and my true friends. It's heartbreaking to me. I don't like the idea that two individuals who disagree on a topic have to be distant. It didn't used to be that way. Old religious critics of society used to give examples of a Muslim and Christian disagreeing and using such as the fuel for a hearty relationship:
"A boundary unites. Many a magnanimous Moslem and chivalrous Crusader must have been nearer to each other... ... 'I say God is One," and "I say God is One but also Three," and that is the beginning of a good quarrelsome, manly friendship. (...) Our political vagueness divides men, it does not fuse them." 1
I dare say that we are driving walls between each other instead of bridging the gap. It seems that our vagueness regarding each other has become the norm, and as such, we're becoming interested in being friends if they comfort us. And following from that, I think it could possibly even extend that we are only happy if we're not caring for our friends... that we're not responsible with our friendships and knowledge of our loved ones.
1 - Pages 16~20, "What Is Wrong With The World", G.K. Chesterton. (Published 1910,) Kindle edition.
Contemplating Leaving FA Again
Posted 11 years ago1) With the General-only filter, it's not tooooo bad. Very little pornography. However it still gets through.
2) Trying to keep my FA account disconnected from my actual life is getting harder and harder, especially knowing that second order people can find it by about a minute of looking, if they know where to look.
3) Being a "fur" carries a lot of negative connotation to it. Given the reputation of furries, getting a job would be hard if the employer happened to stumble upon my profile.
Some of the connotations I've heard from friends or from people talking about job searching (not from furs but from people at job fairs or conversations I overheard):
Furries are more likely to be pedophiles than average persons. (I've seen three different controversies over it in the last year.)
Furries have lower standards and bad work ethic (despite sometimes having wonderful arts).
Furries are more likely to be sexual predators.
Furries are more likely to be charged for sexual crime.
They all sound the same. So that alone is pretty bad.
4) Generally, employers don't like people that are heavily involved in fandoms whatsoever. Even having an FA profile is considered being into furry stuff.
5) I don't even consider myself a fur anymore.
6) FA is only good for two things: posting arts and whoring attention.
However, if I leave FA, I will have no place to post TGD other than my personal site, so that quandry is brought directly into my personal affairs.
2) Trying to keep my FA account disconnected from my actual life is getting harder and harder, especially knowing that second order people can find it by about a minute of looking, if they know where to look.
3) Being a "fur" carries a lot of negative connotation to it. Given the reputation of furries, getting a job would be hard if the employer happened to stumble upon my profile.
Some of the connotations I've heard from friends or from people talking about job searching (not from furs but from people at job fairs or conversations I overheard):
Furries are more likely to be pedophiles than average persons. (I've seen three different controversies over it in the last year.)
Furries have lower standards and bad work ethic (despite sometimes having wonderful arts).
Furries are more likely to be sexual predators.
Furries are more likely to be charged for sexual crime.
They all sound the same. So that alone is pretty bad.
4) Generally, employers don't like people that are heavily involved in fandoms whatsoever. Even having an FA profile is considered being into furry stuff.
5) I don't even consider myself a fur anymore.
6) FA is only good for two things: posting arts and whoring attention.
However, if I leave FA, I will have no place to post TGD other than my personal site, so that quandry is brought directly into my personal affairs.
The Great Divergence Part One Update Coming Soon, Read Below
Posted 11 years agoI am going to update The Great Divergence Part One Lore Heavy version.
The voting period will now be FIVE DAYS after each post. This way I can keep up with writing the story beforehand.
Primarily for typo fixing. FA will not allow an update for .docx files. That means I'll be using a different medium in the future. But for the moment, I'm going to update the CORRECT version from the CORRECT computer and NOT the old one. I'll be using protected PDF files from now on. (I might as well go ahead and make it more artful and prettier to look at, other than bland text. Maybe even contextual images, like looking at the map when it's called up.)
Secondly to add lore. More lore. More descriptions. More information. More context. Hopefully, the new load of context will help with understanding the story.
In addition, I'll include maps that indicate travel progress and destination, along with an outline of the mission in each PDF to indicate progress. These resources should prove helpful.
As for content advisories: coming posts may be Mature due to language and violence. Nothing over the top, just note the Lore-Heavy version will be more explicit and more direct. Overall there is less censorship.
So there you go.
If you have any questions about this Istana series, feel free to ask away below, or to ask me directly.
The voting period will now be FIVE DAYS after each post. This way I can keep up with writing the story beforehand.
Primarily for typo fixing. FA will not allow an update for .docx files. That means I'll be using a different medium in the future. But for the moment, I'm going to update the CORRECT version from the CORRECT computer and NOT the old one. I'll be using protected PDF files from now on. (I might as well go ahead and make it more artful and prettier to look at, other than bland text. Maybe even contextual images, like looking at the map when it's called up.)
Secondly to add lore. More lore. More descriptions. More information. More context. Hopefully, the new load of context will help with understanding the story.
In addition, I'll include maps that indicate travel progress and destination, along with an outline of the mission in each PDF to indicate progress. These resources should prove helpful.
As for content advisories: coming posts may be Mature due to language and violence. Nothing over the top, just note the Lore-Heavy version will be more explicit and more direct. Overall there is less censorship.
So there you go.
If you have any questions about this Istana series, feel free to ask away below, or to ask me directly.
Istana Reader-Fueled Episodic Writing Started
Posted 11 years agoYeah. So that's a thing.
Some typos in the Lore-Heavy version since FA won't let me reupload the corrected version.
Aaanyway, have fun with that, lads. Ask me if you have any questions.
Some typos in the Lore-Heavy version since FA won't let me reupload the corrected version.
Aaanyway, have fun with that, lads. Ask me if you have any questions.
Istana Writing and Omnia Note
Posted 11 years agoStarted Istana tonight.
Omnia Part 2: You Can't Run Far Enough...
...It disappeared. All the text is missing from the file, except like the first few paragraphs. That's about a few thousand words missing. A whole load of work.
So I'm not touching that for a while, because of the heartbreak associated with losing so much work.
Aaaaaanywhoozles, Istana will have a lore-heavy version (basically an unabridged version) that I will keep on myself. If you want those readings, come to me. I will send them to you personally.
ALSO, I AM CONSIDERING A PARALLEL STORYLINE. A storyline that goes alongside the other. I WILL INCLUDE THIS IN THE LORE-HEAVY VERSION DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF CULTURE NEEDED. IF YOU WANT THE PARALLEL STORYLINE, GET THE LORE HEAVY VERSION. TRACK ALONGSIDE IF YOU WANT. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE HOW THEY INTERACT.
Anyway. Je t'aime.
OH! And I need a name for the Istana Series that I'm doing. Suggestions?
Omnia Part 2: You Can't Run Far Enough...
...It disappeared. All the text is missing from the file, except like the first few paragraphs. That's about a few thousand words missing. A whole load of work.
So I'm not touching that for a while, because of the heartbreak associated with losing so much work.
Aaaaaanywhoozles, Istana will have a lore-heavy version (basically an unabridged version) that I will keep on myself. If you want those readings, come to me. I will send them to you personally.
ALSO, I AM CONSIDERING A PARALLEL STORYLINE. A storyline that goes alongside the other. I WILL INCLUDE THIS IN THE LORE-HEAVY VERSION DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF CULTURE NEEDED. IF YOU WANT THE PARALLEL STORYLINE, GET THE LORE HEAVY VERSION. TRACK ALONGSIDE IF YOU WANT. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE HOW THEY INTERACT.
Anyway. Je t'aime.
OH! And I need a name for the Istana Series that I'm doing. Suggestions?
Something from my Data Structures class
Posted 11 years agoOne of my classes for programming explained to me a rather simple but common issue with programs. Rookie mistake professionals do sometimes. You'll see.
There are these things called "pointers." They are a type of a variable that handle the address of the memory location assigned to it (99% of the time for a variable assigned to it). An integer pointer stores the memory address for an integer that you assign to it.
But pointers can also be assigned a "new" variable. Just an unused memory address. Until the "new" variable is "deleted" it is still assigned to that program.
So I asked after class:
"If you make a bunch of 'new' variables, but do not 'delete' them, does that cause a memory leak?"
My professor replied:
"Yes, that's a memory leak. That's how Internet Explorer bloats your computer."
Ow.
It's confirmed, even my professors think IE is garbage.
This issue is really as simple as:
int* y;
y = new int;
*y = 5;
|...
//Then you use *y like it's any other variable.
|...
delete y; //This is the culprit.
y = NULL;
const string love = "I love you guys.";
cout << love << endl;
>I love you guys.
>
There are these things called "pointers." They are a type of a variable that handle the address of the memory location assigned to it (99% of the time for a variable assigned to it). An integer pointer stores the memory address for an integer that you assign to it.
But pointers can also be assigned a "new" variable. Just an unused memory address. Until the "new" variable is "deleted" it is still assigned to that program.
So I asked after class:
"If you make a bunch of 'new' variables, but do not 'delete' them, does that cause a memory leak?"
My professor replied:
"Yes, that's a memory leak. That's how Internet Explorer bloats your computer."
Ow.
It's confirmed, even my professors think IE is garbage.
This issue is really as simple as:
int* y;
y = new int;
*y = 5;
|...
//Then you use *y like it's any other variable.
|...
delete y; //This is the culprit.
y = NULL;
const string love = "I love you guys.";
cout << love << endl;
>I love you guys.
>
Conviction
Posted 11 years agoAnybody who read my last journal knows that Christians are being killed off, literally, by the thousands every month, all over the world. To me, it matters not who is guilty of it, but it's the atrocities that matter.
These people being killed are better than me. I've been called a numerous amounts of things, all over the spectrum of compliments to extreme disgraces. But I don't care about that. Others' views of me only matter if the view will serve to better myself.
Regardless, even compared to these people, I'm falling short. These people have better hearts and better minds.
I mean, these people are protecting those of a religion that is typically hostile to them.
After being murdered and massacred, I would think twice about doing the right thing. I typically do after I've been wronged. And I struggle with that, literally on a daily basis.
I can't harbor hate for those that do wrong. I need to show love, even when the wrong things have been done.
I made that post and shared it because those people are showing love and they are being killed or persecuted. They are great and loving people and they are dying for it.
I need to leave the comparison trap... It's hard because my role models are being killed.
John 15:19 (ESV)
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
I truly want to be the best person I can be: the best student I'm capable of, the best Christian, and the best friend and lover I can be.
I'm prepared to be hated. I've been hated before, even by other self-proclaimed Christians. I'm not going to give up. I'm not daunted. I'm instead encouraged.
1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)
Let all that you do be done in love.
Mark 12:31 (ESV)
The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.”
These people being killed are better than me. I've been called a numerous amounts of things, all over the spectrum of compliments to extreme disgraces. But I don't care about that. Others' views of me only matter if the view will serve to better myself.
Regardless, even compared to these people, I'm falling short. These people have better hearts and better minds.
I mean, these people are protecting those of a religion that is typically hostile to them.
After being murdered and massacred, I would think twice about doing the right thing. I typically do after I've been wronged. And I struggle with that, literally on a daily basis.
I can't harbor hate for those that do wrong. I need to show love, even when the wrong things have been done.
I made that post and shared it because those people are showing love and they are being killed or persecuted. They are great and loving people and they are dying for it.
I need to leave the comparison trap... It's hard because my role models are being killed.
John 15:19 (ESV)
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
I truly want to be the best person I can be: the best student I'm capable of, the best Christian, and the best friend and lover I can be.
I'm prepared to be hated. I've been hated before, even by other self-proclaimed Christians. I'm not going to give up. I'm not daunted. I'm instead encouraged.
1 Corinthians 16:14 (ESV)
Let all that you do be done in love.
Mark 12:31 (ESV)
The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Please Read
Posted 11 years agoAll articles (that I could find) of anti-Christian actions in August 2014 up to the 25th (today):
Article – Date Posted
Gore warning for some articles.
Fifteen Year Old Christian Girl Gang Raped by Two Muslim Men in Pakistan 8/25/14
Orissa, six years on from pogrom "faith in the crucified Christ never abandons us" 8/25/14
Suspected Al-Shabaab militants behead Kenyan driver 8/24/14
Christian Prisoner, F. Fathi, Transferred to Criminals’ Ward of Rajaei-Shahri Prison 8/24/14
Boko Haram Leader Declares Islamic Caliphate from Ransacked Christian Town in Nigeria 8/24/14
Henan court rejects house church pastor’s final appeal against 12-year sentence 8/22/14
Family Kidnaps Daughter and Threatens Father Because of His Faith 8/22/14
Disquiet grows over Sri Lanka's deportation policy 8/22/14
NY Christian Couple Fined $13,000 for Refusing Lesbian Wedding Ceremony on Farm 8/22/14
Student Suspended for 'Bless You' after Sneeze 8/21/14
Violence against minorities: a 12-year-old Christian girl raped by a gang 8/21/14
China accused of ‘crime’ against Christianity 8/21/14
Pizza Parlor Threatened by National Atheist Group for Offer Discounts to Churchgoers 8/21/14
Why Is the World Silent While Christians Are Slaughtered in Middle East and Africa? Asks Jewish Advocacy Group Leader 8/21/14
For Yazidis, Christians: 'They Cut Us Like Sheep' 8/20/14
Persecuted in Pakistan 8/20/14
Lawsuits Aim to Take God, Prayer Out of Schools 8/20/14
Muslim Herdsmen in Nigeria Kill 18 Christians in Plateau, Kaduna States 8/19/14
China’s Nobel nominee lawyer released after three years /Zhisheng released, but Chinese Christian lawyers still at risk 8/18/14
UN expert Rita Izsak wants unlawful Sri Lanka deportations to end 8/18/14
'I'm from the government and I'm here to rewrite your sermon' 8/17/14
Bishops condemn attempt to ban priests in villages 8/17/14
Georgia Students Take a Stand for Faith, Prayer After Humanist Group Threatens Suit 8/15/14
Violence against Christians in Pakistan on the rise 8/15/14
“If They Keep Spreading Christianity… We Will Kill Them” 8/15/14
Convert from Islam in Kenya Released from Prison after Beatings, Attempted Poisoning 8/14/14
North Korea Sends American Missionary Back to Labor Camp 8/14/14
China’s Zhejiang Government Cut Cross Topping a 129-year Church in the Middle of the Night 8/15/14
Iran Pastor Facing Death for 'Crimes against God' 8/15/14
The Bells Toll for Iraq’s Religious Minorities 8/14/14
The Shifting Sands of Uncertainty: Life as a Coptic Christian 8/14/14
Karnataka: four Christian’s arrested, later released, on charges of forced conversions 8/13/14
At least 100 dead in Boko Haram attack on Christian area in northern Nigeria 8/13/14
Bibles Booted from U.S. Navy Guest Rooms Following Atheist Complaint 8/13/14
Attack on Nuns Said to Be First Ever in Bangladesh 8/13/14
CHRONOLOGY OF TERROR FOR JULY: DNR AND LNR MILITANTS TARGET DONBASS CHRISTIANS 8/12/14
Atheist group tells Georgia high school football team to punt the prayers 8/12/14
An Accounting of Boko Haram, The Greatest Threat to Nigeria’s Christians 8/12/14 ‼‼
Texas Cheerleaders Take Bible Banner Fight to State Supreme Court 8/11/14
(Page breaks on school network, please click here to view it)
5-Year-Old Christian Boy Cut in Half by ISIS Terrorists 8/11/14
Radical Islamists Behead Youth, Crucify Others in Push for Syria Takeover 8/11/14
Iran's Christians flee to unlikely sanctuary in Bulgaria 8/11/14
China cracking down on Christian groups along North Korea border: sources 8/11/14
Four FEBC Volunteers Martyred in Ukraine 8/7/14
Iraq’s “Christian Capital” Wiped Clean as Thousands Flee Radical Onslaught 8/7/14
Boko Haram Overruns Nigerian Town, Killing Dozens 8/7/14
Humanists Threaten Legal Action Against Military Base for Display of Gideons Bibles 8/7/14
Monk Led Mob Attack Condemns 8/7/14
Tamil Nadu: Hindu radicals beat up women and children of a Pentecostal community 8/7/14
China will create own Christian belief system amid tensions with church, says official 8/7/14
Christian leader: ISIS beheading children 8/6/14
More than 76 Christians Killed in Taraba State, Nigeria in Last Four Months 8/6/14
Hindu radicals, emboldened by power, terrorizing Christians in India 8/6/14
Women Ordered to Stop Praying Inside Mall 8/5/14
Boko Haram Kills 25, Including Pastor, in Raid on Cameroon Village 8/5/14
Muslims Hack Off Christian Man's Head After Forcing Him to Deny Jesus Christ and Salute Mohammed as 'Messenger of God' 8/4/14
ISIS free to kill as world focuses on Gaza, vicar warns, as family of 8 murdered next to open Bible 8/4/14
India’s Christians Face Continued Terror under BJP Rule 8/4/14
Nigeria: One Killed, Others Injured As Gunmen Attack Catholic Church in Kaduna 8/3/14
Nigeria: Boko Haram Sets Churches Ablaze in Borno 8/1/14
Mexico: Protestants in Palenque under threat 8/1/14
Radical Islamic Group Attacks Church in Indonesia 8/1/14
Christians Under Fire in the Middle East 8/1/14
Tensions high in Boldipukur: Mission threatened 8/1/14
Government Inaction in India “Encouraging” Attacks on Christians 8/1/14
Article – Date Posted
Gore warning for some articles.
Fifteen Year Old Christian Girl Gang Raped by Two Muslim Men in Pakistan 8/25/14
Orissa, six years on from pogrom "faith in the crucified Christ never abandons us" 8/25/14
Suspected Al-Shabaab militants behead Kenyan driver 8/24/14
Christian Prisoner, F. Fathi, Transferred to Criminals’ Ward of Rajaei-Shahri Prison 8/24/14
Boko Haram Leader Declares Islamic Caliphate from Ransacked Christian Town in Nigeria 8/24/14
Henan court rejects house church pastor’s final appeal against 12-year sentence 8/22/14
Family Kidnaps Daughter and Threatens Father Because of His Faith 8/22/14
Disquiet grows over Sri Lanka's deportation policy 8/22/14
NY Christian Couple Fined $13,000 for Refusing Lesbian Wedding Ceremony on Farm 8/22/14
Student Suspended for 'Bless You' after Sneeze 8/21/14
Violence against minorities: a 12-year-old Christian girl raped by a gang 8/21/14
China accused of ‘crime’ against Christianity 8/21/14
Pizza Parlor Threatened by National Atheist Group for Offer Discounts to Churchgoers 8/21/14
Why Is the World Silent While Christians Are Slaughtered in Middle East and Africa? Asks Jewish Advocacy Group Leader 8/21/14
For Yazidis, Christians: 'They Cut Us Like Sheep' 8/20/14
Persecuted in Pakistan 8/20/14
Lawsuits Aim to Take God, Prayer Out of Schools 8/20/14
Muslim Herdsmen in Nigeria Kill 18 Christians in Plateau, Kaduna States 8/19/14
China’s Nobel nominee lawyer released after three years /Zhisheng released, but Chinese Christian lawyers still at risk 8/18/14
UN expert Rita Izsak wants unlawful Sri Lanka deportations to end 8/18/14
'I'm from the government and I'm here to rewrite your sermon' 8/17/14
Bishops condemn attempt to ban priests in villages 8/17/14
Georgia Students Take a Stand for Faith, Prayer After Humanist Group Threatens Suit 8/15/14
Violence against Christians in Pakistan on the rise 8/15/14
“If They Keep Spreading Christianity… We Will Kill Them” 8/15/14
Convert from Islam in Kenya Released from Prison after Beatings, Attempted Poisoning 8/14/14
North Korea Sends American Missionary Back to Labor Camp 8/14/14
China’s Zhejiang Government Cut Cross Topping a 129-year Church in the Middle of the Night 8/15/14
Iran Pastor Facing Death for 'Crimes against God' 8/15/14
The Bells Toll for Iraq’s Religious Minorities 8/14/14
The Shifting Sands of Uncertainty: Life as a Coptic Christian 8/14/14
Karnataka: four Christian’s arrested, later released, on charges of forced conversions 8/13/14
At least 100 dead in Boko Haram attack on Christian area in northern Nigeria 8/13/14
Bibles Booted from U.S. Navy Guest Rooms Following Atheist Complaint 8/13/14
Attack on Nuns Said to Be First Ever in Bangladesh 8/13/14
CHRONOLOGY OF TERROR FOR JULY: DNR AND LNR MILITANTS TARGET DONBASS CHRISTIANS 8/12/14
Atheist group tells Georgia high school football team to punt the prayers 8/12/14
An Accounting of Boko Haram, The Greatest Threat to Nigeria’s Christians 8/12/14 ‼‼
Texas Cheerleaders Take Bible Banner Fight to State Supreme Court 8/11/14
(Page breaks on school network, please click here to view it)
5-Year-Old Christian Boy Cut in Half by ISIS Terrorists 8/11/14
Radical Islamists Behead Youth, Crucify Others in Push for Syria Takeover 8/11/14
Iran's Christians flee to unlikely sanctuary in Bulgaria 8/11/14
China cracking down on Christian groups along North Korea border: sources 8/11/14
Four FEBC Volunteers Martyred in Ukraine 8/7/14
Iraq’s “Christian Capital” Wiped Clean as Thousands Flee Radical Onslaught 8/7/14
Boko Haram Overruns Nigerian Town, Killing Dozens 8/7/14
Humanists Threaten Legal Action Against Military Base for Display of Gideons Bibles 8/7/14
Monk Led Mob Attack Condemns 8/7/14
Tamil Nadu: Hindu radicals beat up women and children of a Pentecostal community 8/7/14
China will create own Christian belief system amid tensions with church, says official 8/7/14
Christian leader: ISIS beheading children 8/6/14
More than 76 Christians Killed in Taraba State, Nigeria in Last Four Months 8/6/14
Hindu radicals, emboldened by power, terrorizing Christians in India 8/6/14
Women Ordered to Stop Praying Inside Mall 8/5/14
Boko Haram Kills 25, Including Pastor, in Raid on Cameroon Village 8/5/14
Muslims Hack Off Christian Man's Head After Forcing Him to Deny Jesus Christ and Salute Mohammed as 'Messenger of God' 8/4/14
ISIS free to kill as world focuses on Gaza, vicar warns, as family of 8 murdered next to open Bible 8/4/14
India’s Christians Face Continued Terror under BJP Rule 8/4/14
Nigeria: One Killed, Others Injured As Gunmen Attack Catholic Church in Kaduna 8/3/14
Nigeria: Boko Haram Sets Churches Ablaze in Borno 8/1/14
Mexico: Protestants in Palenque under threat 8/1/14
Radical Islamic Group Attacks Church in Indonesia 8/1/14
Christians Under Fire in the Middle East 8/1/14
Tensions high in Boldipukur: Mission threatened 8/1/14
Government Inaction in India “Encouraging” Attacks on Christians 8/1/14
Our Content
Posted 11 years agoWe’re all born.
We have the freedom we’re given.
A separate entity from that we were torn.
From innocence we’re driven.
It started when I was small.
And I thought I had it all.
When age was just a number,
and my measure was found on paper.
A family torn in two
and a heart stabbed through.
Always looking for an answer,
the wound pressed deeper.
I was too young to witness this,
Or maybe it was part of growing up.
The pavement got a kiss.
His passing was seen close up.
The blood poured out
and my mind was rent in two.
I didn’t know what that was about.
But I was scared through and through.
The older I get the more I’m afraid.
When will I cross the veil?
Though my debt’s been paid,
can I get up after I fail?
It’s not about the good or bad.
It’s about the love to be had.
Show me that I am Yours!
Or will I worry forevermore?
If I am more than a number,
why aren’t I getting any humbler?
I want to be better than this!
Fix my aim where I miss.
Make me a better man.
Show me that I can.
Is it truly the content of my character?
You are the author.
So write me into Your story.
Remove the anger and the lust.
Wrap me in Your glory.
And prove to me You’re just.
A sick and sorry shell,
with defiled hands and a forked tongue.
A creature straight from Hell.
Still looking for the song unsung.
You are always there.
We reap what we sow.
Only you can repair.
That is all we need to know.
It really isn’t about doing the good things or the bad things. It’s the content of our character that matters. The worst can become the best, we all know that. If the Content is within us, then the Good will come naturally.
Whole change is necessary.
We have the freedom we’re given.
A separate entity from that we were torn.
From innocence we’re driven.
It started when I was small.
And I thought I had it all.
When age was just a number,
and my measure was found on paper.
A family torn in two
and a heart stabbed through.
Always looking for an answer,
the wound pressed deeper.
I was too young to witness this,
Or maybe it was part of growing up.
The pavement got a kiss.
His passing was seen close up.
The blood poured out
and my mind was rent in two.
I didn’t know what that was about.
But I was scared through and through.
The older I get the more I’m afraid.
When will I cross the veil?
Though my debt’s been paid,
can I get up after I fail?
It’s not about the good or bad.
It’s about the love to be had.
Show me that I am Yours!
Or will I worry forevermore?
If I am more than a number,
why aren’t I getting any humbler?
I want to be better than this!
Fix my aim where I miss.
Make me a better man.
Show me that I can.
Is it truly the content of my character?
You are the author.
So write me into Your story.
Remove the anger and the lust.
Wrap me in Your glory.
And prove to me You’re just.
A sick and sorry shell,
with defiled hands and a forked tongue.
A creature straight from Hell.
Still looking for the song unsung.
You are always there.
We reap what we sow.
Only you can repair.
That is all we need to know.
It really isn’t about doing the good things or the bad things. It’s the content of our character that matters. The worst can become the best, we all know that. If the Content is within us, then the Good will come naturally.
Whole change is necessary.
Two Updates
Posted 11 years ago1) As the school year gets started (move in tomorrow), I'll be spending less and less time online. That means less Skype and less Interwebs and gaems. Sorry folks. I need to focus on academics right now since I'm a Junior and I have five classes that sound pretty tough. Those of you close to me have seen my schedule and have witnessed THE VOID. Anyway, I'll be on frequently to role-play and chat, so don't worry too much. I'll just be on less.
2) I am now identifying as bisexual and no longer as an asexual. While I may now be attracted to both genders (although barely, honestly), I'm not interested in either and any "straying" hasn't been enough to convince me to compromise my faith. This world wants me dead and I will grant it no turf.
My heart will stay where my faith is. Those who know me and my heart well enough know that I'm not compromised by this.
BUT, however, don't treat me any differently. I'm not going to behave any differently (functionally, there's no change here). I learned to compartmentalize myself pretty quick. Self-control was something I learned early on.
Also, don't hit on me. I still don't like that. Aaand I'm not attracted to any of my friends. I can count on one hand the number of people that I'm attracted to.
Anyway. I love you all. I'll see you around.
#it'sallaboutthatslidelife #getchasomeo'datswing #sweetspintoo
2) I am now identifying as bisexual and no longer as an asexual. While I may now be attracted to both genders (although barely, honestly), I'm not interested in either and any "straying" hasn't been enough to convince me to compromise my faith. This world wants me dead and I will grant it no turf.
My heart will stay where my faith is. Those who know me and my heart well enough know that I'm not compromised by this.
BUT, however, don't treat me any differently. I'm not going to behave any differently (functionally, there's no change here). I learned to compartmentalize myself pretty quick. Self-control was something I learned early on.
Also, don't hit on me. I still don't like that. Aaand I'm not attracted to any of my friends. I can count on one hand the number of people that I'm attracted to.
Anyway. I love you all. I'll see you around.
#it'sallaboutthatslidelife #getchasomeo'datswing #sweetspintoo
