Trying to adapt myself to this seriously overloaded job and horrible clients for over 6 months, but it's getting harder and harder now. I'm transferred to a new unit due to my high performance. I was promised a promotion if I can handle the works here--- most notorious unit in this hellish company. Even those who works almost 16 hr (no shit!) and 6 days a week see this unit as shit hole.

After so many people quit this unit only got 2 people including me in this company which owned over 4000 employee. This enterprise was at the edge of collapse and I thought I could hold the tide and stand strong. I was wrong.

I'm overwhelmed by incredibly uneducated and rude clients (hard to believe someone woks over 8 years still know nothing about the product and procedure), extremely hard case to solve with no resource, at least 14 work hours daily (even have to work after back home). My work load is about 5 times compared to my colleagues in different unit who enter this company with me. The worst things are that the promotion is probably a lie due to the terrible financial situation my company is, and I'm very underpaid ( My company cancelled many bonus no matter how high our performance is so I can only have basic salary ).

I've suffered insomnia, stomach ache, body ache and depression for months. I tried to find a new job but the environment is very bad after the Corona virus breakout. So far I can't find a suitable new job and I can't take the risk--- I'm 33y now and not as popular as I was in my 20s. If I quit now I could be jobless for half or one year until find an ideal job. I'm really stuck and my mental health is bad. My depression comes back and makes it harder for me to maintain regular life.

Sorry for all these negative thoughts but I need to let them out. Now I still can't sleep at 4:20 am while type this journal. Any way, I'll upload some commissions after abandoned my accounts for months. Maybe it can makes me feel better....

First of all, I wish a very merry Christmas to everyone and a great reunion of your family.

I want to thank you who sent me courage after my previous journal. Sorry I didn’t respond any and even myself can’t explain why. I really appreciate them from my heart but I just couldn’t reply. It’s probably related to my depression which comes and goes in past months. Sometimes I’m ok but most time I’m just too tired for everything.
Luckily I’m getting used to the job (still a bad job though) and find sometime for commissions. They are the only things saves me from my 12-14 hr daily works. I’ll start posting them in coming weeks and try reply all messages. It’s already too late since months past but at least I can say I’m sorry to them.

One good thing is that I gave myself a Christmas gift. I’ll have a week vacation in Japan at the end of year. Wish it can makes my distressed mind goes back to normal. :)

It’s my first journal here and probably no one will ever read it, so please let me release some pressure here...

It’s already past 1 am and I will leave my bed for work in 5 hours. I can’t sleep because I know I will spend another week in the hellish office.
I just change to this job for two months. I know this job is very consuming before I join it. However the pay for extra hours will make the ok-ish salary to not bad, and I will got steady pay raise every year. Sounds not that bad right? But things change soon after I start working. A finance crisis bust in this over 30 years old company and all bonus are cut to nearly zero. I have to work over 12-14 hours in heavy stress everyday without extra payment, and I probably won’t get any raise either. The situation will probably get worse in the future.

I’m almost 35. Left my former steady job for adventure and better payment. Turned down offers from other companies and chose this one. Now I’m caught in a delima and too old to change another job.

I loved to rp and was happy to play with nice people online. Now I’m too tired and depressed to continue. I owe replies and big sorry to other people for a month and just have no energy to do so. I’m such a awful awful useless garbage...