I forgot about a bunch of line edits and refs I still need to do for my newest hellspawns >.< Night's probably been waiting forever to get her kittens. and then there's that one for my marble cat family too.... im so behind ; A ; I been wanting to complete my gallery for awhile before working on new things, which I do work on then... I wander off when im nearly done and... make more work. AUGH. Bad, bad me. I already have like five new pieces I started on but only one is nearly done.

Got my dog's parasite meds, now.... just to figure how the fuck im going to weight her <.< so I can administer the correct dosage in her food since my sister don't wanna do jack for a dog she called hers.

Still waiting on something to arrive....

I have this zombie kitten doll I commissioned of my dead cat sickers, She's been dead for a few years now due to an unfortunate accident where she slipped. I still feel immense hatred for the person who caused it, because they didn't take responsibility when I left a furious note on their door. Trying to give them the idea how they would feel if the same thing happened to their dogs. Cats DO NOT always land on their feet especially when it come to short drops. NEVER say that to me, unless you want a broken nose.

She's been dead for a few years now, but it still hurts really bad. I never thought she would be the first to die out of our original three, I had prepared for my cat to die of old age. Because she is old, and her hairballs cause problems for her to where sometimes if we don't give her her medication it gets really bad. I still feel guilty, if I had known more- if I had tried harder in school I feel like I would've been able to do more. Then just keep telling my mom to ignore the fact we didn't have money for a vet bill. She died in a strange place away from the people who loved her. ....she died in a steel box surrounded by strange cats.

I cried for weeks, nights, days. I didn't do much, I only slept when I fell asleep. I was so hysterical I ignored the helpful people around me. I pushed away the people that cared, to go into the dark. A corner or a dark hall alone. To let my weakness over take me. Two more months...

I didn't get to say good bye. Other then a dream many weeks later. Everyone told me she was in better place, that she was in heaven. Things that weren't comforting to me for the fact that I am an atheist. I don't like when people push their religion on me, being a former Christian myself. I try to gently remind people I don't believe in their god but I wont bash him further then saying if there was a god why would he let so many horrible things happen to one person or even a lot. Because we can handle it? I could totally handle It when I was looking at the road thinking about being hit by a car. No one should believe that. I began thinking about the end. A darkness that goes on forever. What if religion is just a thing to make you feel better? to make it easier for you to give up? My thoughts on death are still out.

My family is in pieces. I no longer see my cat at her grave, for im not permitted to. My grandmother is getting old, I cant buy the farm when she dies. It will be sold, I've been trying to figure out what to do. If it was bad to disturb her resting place. Even if it meant that she could be with me. Or that I could find her somewhere to rest forever.
I've thought about having a jar installed in my doll so when the time comes I can collect her. Or do something instead of possibly letting someone destroy her forever.

My birthday >.<

I took it upon myself to commission some pony cell charms a few months ago of my two favorite ocs, finally payed the artist for them last week so they should be arriving next week <3 Example https://www.etsy.com/listing/158387.....how_panel=true I should get one of Kusanagi and his mate eventually or Harper Horseshoes & her mate Hotshot.

Im honestly not looking too forward to my birthday... I keep losing people. My big brother completely abandoned me this year when I was trying to make a point to him & his WIFEY that his hate for Obama was irrational. By explaining simply, that my brother is in charge of a small handful of people. But the president is in charge of millions. no matter who it is leading is no easy choice. She really didn't help at all. I never thought that my own brother would attack me, the person I looked up to and wanted to grow up and be like would re-open the wound that is my father or let his wife talk about it. It really hurt, he knows how it feels because his good for nothing dad didn't want him either until he became his drinking buddy :/ I miss who he used to be before he went to Texas. He abandoned his children. He became cruel and cold hearted.

Im not really sure how long its going to be before more shit hits the fan being my mom tried to screw me. I bought a game that came with a plushie around January, telling my mom she could give it to me for Christmas. She recently said she'd give it to me for my birthday and I gave her a funny look. The next day I got on my paypal and checked to be sure I payed for it with MY credit. She had never payed anything on it. KINDA like how I've been fitting the bill for all the cats when they aren't all mine. -_- I pay for all food, litter, medications. When I told her that what are you gonna give me something I already bought? No, you never payed on it. I PAYED with my money. What you want me in debt? So we'll see what she does. Because im getting really fucking tired of this bullshit where she says I'll pay you back and doesn't. She did this fucking shit when I worked last summer I helped her buy a fireplace which she then later returned, did I see any of my money? FUCK NO. I helped her pay for her flatscreen did I see my money? NOPE. I HELPED her get another fireplace. Still nothing. All I have to show for working is, my laptop, my drawing tablet and my dolls. Which btw she bitches about me buying my dolls. Dispite the fact I can make 60$ dollars off of selling them in one pop. Doubling what I payed for it. Im making a smart investment, and I do eventually plan on selling the ones im not as fond of to loving owners. Just most likely to happen when I have a license so I can get a nice car. -eyes punchbug- She is most currently bitching about me paying on a commissioned doll. I haven't told her yet that it is a memorial of my dead cat Snickers. Because its none of her god damn business what I choose to spend my money on. And I WILL be shoving it in her face when I have it next month.

She decided to have a "party" which is retarded. Its not a party with four people. All it does is remind me that there's people that should be present but aren't. I mean the amount of money I spent last year getting cheese cake and my uncle buys me garden ornaments (when I don't garden nor own my own home o_O) and a bath set for like old people. I really didn't like any of it. And later I discovered he only payed like five dollars for the horrible bath stuff. I mean I liked the stuff he bought me the prior year I actually ended up taking it up to the boyfriend's house I was basically living with and making the bathroom more female friendly and neat. But this stuff? didn't even smell good. it came with a bottle of old lady perfume. I would've rather gotten another spray bottle of love struck then that. >.< It's not like im hard to buy for either. Even if he didn't wanna pay the amount a game would cost. I really wouldn't had minded having more lovestruck perfume or lotion. A new warrior cat book, even money. He doesn't have any daughters but he could just ask me if he didn't know what to buy. I mean heck, I even got a discount for my birthday for gamestop and there's a game I been wanting to get so I can fight things like in persona. I'd give him that coupon and be happy as hell.

My mom's boyfriend, I don't really care for at all. He's always trying to push me out of the picture and my mom don't even notice. He talks about doing things but rarely includes me, unless he's kissing my mother's ass after a fight. I don't trust him, after I confided in him about how my mother's prior relationship made me feel and affected me. When I was deeply in depression. Being sexually abused, and having to come home from school having her bitch at me because I wouldn't bow down to her therefore I deserved to be called names and treated as less then a human being. He's not a very clean person. And when it comes to helping my mom out he doesn't. He was helping my mom polish the wood furniture and he made a rude comment to me about that I should be doing it. I work a lot. I might not work 40hrs a week, but with an injured shoulder that is steadily getting worse I cant do MUCH and I try to avoid causing myself in pain since she doesn't care how much pain im in as long as she gets money. But I pay my fucking bills and I do shit for her. But im supposed to do the things she asks him to do too? Yeah, fuck off buddy. He's been acting weird anyways, I see them fighting again very soon.

My own sister didn't bother coming last year or getting me anything. That really bothered me. More recently I been angry with her, she took my dog when we had to move and thought we couldn't have her. She was originally my brother's dog, but I loved that dog. I always gave her attention an hour after school. I brushed her, everyday I walked her 1-4 blocks. But my sister? She didn't take her for walks hardly at all, my great niece's dad and I did. I constantly had to walk her, I constantly had to feed and water her as well as bathe and groom her. I took care of her. She didn't. Now she's going down hill fast, her hips aren't working well and sometimes she cant get up. She doesn't always make it outside to go potty. She's mostly deaf. She stinks, she's ignored. And my sister was talking about how she was being a bitch. when I own her FIRST cat who is OLDER then the dog. She has a shiny coat, decent teeth, can get around mostly fine, takes medicine daily, sometimes leaves messes. But I take care of her because I love her. Meanwhile my sister's talking about my dog dying because she isn't breathing very well right now. Im not sure I can handle losing another pet with my sanity in tact. :/ If she doesn't die on her own I'll likely have to pay for her to be put down and have to bury her. I feel guilty, because I stopped taking care of her because it was my sister's responsibility. If I hadn't basically told my sister, that's your dog? OK TAKE CARE OF HER THEN. She'd be in better condition, just like my cat. She was my first dog and I can just FEEL the line starting to snap when I hear my sister talking about wanting her to die, talking about her negatively, or about getting a puppy/ my niece talking about it. It makes me angry. She isn't something to show off or only treat good until she gets old.

I know that they will eventually all die.... but I like to try and make their lives as long and painless as possible. I feel sad that there are animals out there that don't get the love they deserve in return for theirs. Im honestly really tired, and my tiredness/ home problems are about to be worsened. My mother agreed to watch my great niece and nephew. Without bothering to ask me, even though I PAY HALF OF EVERYTHING. <.< My great niece and nephew can be great. HOWEVER in small doses. not every day of every week especially NOT when I get to sleep in and will be awoken to a screaming toddler wanting to be constantly held because he gets away with it with his mom and a three yr old not listening AND THEN DEALING with a bitchy assed mother who has a habit of taking stress out on me when its her own fucking fault in the first place. As well as being told to DEAL with WHAT SHE AGREED TO. I'll be remembering that when she gets tired and wants me to watch them. Considering SHE SITS HOME ALL DAY. MOST weeks im working six work days anywhere between 5-9hrs on a good week and then im still expected to medicate ALL THE CATS ALONE. AND DO WHATEVER she wants me to do. NAW that's not how it works. I don't work most the damn day, pay the bills and have to work at home. She can take some fucking responsibility. It's not that fucking hard to clean the apartment every day. When I was here a week ALONE and cleaned it right back to this standard in ONE DAY. ONE not SEVEN. I would know I constantly clean at work. She's really getting on my nerves by telling me I don't do shit and don't have a right to my own money when that all is false. I do for her more then ANYONE has ever done. EVER.

I decided to hold off on anymore anthro/lioden work for now, I wanna take the time to work on more personal art. Giving some of my older characters some love, Like my warrior cats, horses, wolves, and meerkats. I have some pretty old characters I haven't touched since their lives ended. (or in some cases the sites) Some of them never had their own families or even deaths. But most of them are pretty important to me, so I think they deserve some art of themselves from their own creator.

I might even decide to some mlp. I haven't drawn any in awhile, and I have a butt-load of fillies and colts now <.< I've been thinking of even drawing Snowey my old fursona with her mate Hyren and their children. I still would prefer to not draw ju-ju. Serene's former mate, However I have no problem drawing her pups with Creeper since I did breed her on one occasion. I don't regret it :< they were really cute pups

Alpha Female/Dominant female

Most people see dominants as being aggressive, out-going etc. Meanwhile most people who don't know me, and maybe some that don't personally know me would put me in the submissive category. Being trained to be it its not a wonder that im a natural, however.... Im in reality actually a more dominant/alpha female type. I protect the young and weak, giving myself up for their target. I know pain. I consciously gathered people from clicks and gained my own leading them around like puppies. I've fought and won fights, I've struck fear into the hearts of people. But also built them up, taught them. Gave them something to believe in or in some cases someone to believe in them.

I've been known to put people in their place when they need to be reminded to respect me, physically. Or with a through glaring warning. Do NOT piss me off, you are weaker then me. I'll let you in on a secret, looking so young, small and weak it fits me for a ruse. I've literally modified a pair of hoop earring for some bitch to grab and momentarily be stunned by the fact it didn't rip my ear. Or the surprise when the realization kicks in that I fight like a male. I'm intelligent, it wouldn't take much for me to fuck up a person.

They get warnings however, I do not permit other females to try and dominate me. I will challenge them and call their bluff. My friends get more then a warning however because I try to avoid hurting people I care about. Or turning myself into a monster. I rarely used the people in my group, as I enjoyed learning so I didn't need to copy from them. When it came to fights I fought alone, I didn't bring them into it. When it came to the idea of my click they were family and I'd protect family with my life.

Fun fact 02 is fun fact because most people wouldn't think that im dominant. But I can play the part of a submissive so well.
http://youtu.be/6gm81tF_WJA?t=1m19s starts at the important part ;P

I went to the races today, wasn't bad besides being covered in endless clouds of dust >.< My friend kept bothering me though, being she wanted to get laid but her boyfriend was still in jail.... see where im goin with this? I don't really approve of this kind of behavior and for her it just proves she wasn't responsible enough to raise a baby when she did get pregnant. and then had a miscarriage. You might think its a mean thing to say, however... you weren't there when her boyfriend got hauled off because of drug use and theft from his work. It had seriously bothered me that she had gotten purposely pregnant knowing he was shooting himself up on their couch every day, AND now that he's been in jail for the past couple of months she's sayin she wants to cheat on him when I EXTREMELY HIGHLY DOUBT she's back on birth control. It's just askin for trouble. Im seriously wondering what is wrong with her, when she went on and on about HAVING to be with this guy and now she wants to cheat on him because she realized he's gonna be in jail for awhile and cant fill her wanton needs. It really pisses me off, especially since there are great people out there that want kids and cant have em and yea some of em smoke weed. Which to me is alright, because I don't get the big deal about it. Yes, I've smoked some. And have no idea why they like it. I mean really? Stick me in a garden of roses. SEE how high I get off them compared to when I smoked weed like three times. >.< She just wants a kid because she thinks she needs to have one, she never got out of her baby crazy phase and her mother didn't help by constantly telling her she wanted grandbabies. She was originally planning to be pregnant by invitro. Until I explained the EXACT horrors of a child growing up without a father. Exactly what they think and feel. I REALLY chewed into her. Because if there's one thing that hurts me and cuts me deeper then anything.... it's my dad.

I chewed into her about getting pregnant by him too. I wanted to be happy for her, but I just couldn't see how a kid would be happy growing up and seeing their dad like that every other day. When you have a kid, you have to think about whats best for them and do whats best for them to me that didn't seem like the best situation. Especially after she told me he was in jail. She was left alone to raise and have the baby, because to him his drugs were more important then her or their child. Im not sayin that she woulda raised the kid alone, oh no. Her mom would be right there and have her move right back into the house where she wouldn't have to pay for anything.

I just in all honesty have no idea where my best friends brain has gone. I have never known her to be a cheater, this new development scares me about who she really is.

She wants to go to a shop to get some "goods" and im supposed to go but we'll see if we do, she usually cancels on me. So I wouldn't be surprised if she does. However it would still be nice to go and finally get a "good" for myself that wont burn me since I haven't been with anyone in a few months. ....Even longer since I've actually shared my bed with anyone. So it would actually do me good and save me from ordering one from online.

Im pretty tired. Gotta go to work at 7am-3pm. Had to deal with dust constantly in my eyes but I saw a lot of cars crash into eachother and etc. Ate a bunch of twizzlers. Wore my gloves since my Dermatillomania is flaring up again <.< by the time we got to the car I was done. Mom brought a chair cushion, I commandeered it layed my head on it while I layed in my seat moved the whatcha call it out so I had darkness over my head. Last thing I remember is giving the directions we needed to get back home. Must be after that I PTFO, I don't remember anything else or pulling over until we were about in the drive-way. My hair probably has a layer of dirt but, im not gonna waste my time washing it until I get home at 3pm. No point doin it now.

Ni-ni @.@

So, I been playing my game. Finally decided to ask Raven to marry me and progress with my game. I had her at max hearts so I knew it'd work out. I gotta save her first, BUT I just learned that I get to have kids too. I wasn't sure if rune factory games were similar in the sense that you could have them. That makes me pretty estatic for rune factory 4. I admit I am disappointed they had default child sprites, I always find a game better when they actually look different depending on who you marry. Unless I was looking in the in-correct place.

Im extremely surprised how long it took me to find this series. Being I LOVE farming and monsters. This has both :3 I really cant wai until I can finally get rune factory 4 <3 Im curious to see how things have changed and how they expanded. I hope they make many more of the rune factory series :3

Well, as said I got some pictures to post later. I got one of my packages :3 since two were combined. So.. Now im waiting for three more in the mail. Since I haven't had my laptop I haven't bought any YCH's, so I treated myself to some much needed beauty treatment. :D I like how it looks but I'll see if I hate it tomorrow XD

Got my review at work. Bitches be complaining. <.< They don't really pay any attention so the head manager just realized I was being slow like the review said because shocker I was in pain and babying the arm. Never asked where I hurt it though, not that I was listened to the first time I said I fell in the stockroom. Then my attitude, which I had a reason to be less then friendly on certain occasions. With my co-workers we have slackers, lots o them. I get EXTEMELY irritated when im being constantly told to do things when I 95% of the time at work i'm busy while some fuck-tard is standing there chit chatting most of the time they're there. Utter BULLSHIT. Im short, im injured IF I CAN DO IT THEY CAN TOO! Or in the case of Morgan, who im about ready to teach a lesson. Being a little bitch about everything, mother-henning when she isn't a manager and hell supposidly worked there earlier for two years and cant even put fucking lids on the teas YET she thinks she has a right to tell me what to do? NO. FUCK NO.

Considering I haven't walked out once they should be great-ful, when other people have walked out. I've gotten pretty fucking close. To the point I went in the back and pulverized the boxes in the back hitting the floor on one of them. I can multi-task but seriously don't fault me for my attitude, when you aren't doing anything about an obvious problem. Also, some of the customers deserved the rude behavior back. Such as the dick head who thought he was gonna get free shit for waiting in driving-through for a mcflurry when we were busy (non-stop cars) and our machine was down. I quickly, dealt with that and whom ever was with his ass drove him away. Although having my window stick seems to work pretty well for deterring rude behavior.

Most people; MOST I enjoy meeting in drive-through. They enjoy the fake happy voice they get, which pretty much told me im stuck in drive-through. From what I hear, winter isn't going to be too kind to me being stuck back there. Being I have to dishes, trays and take orders/money. So I wont be able to keep mittens on.

In other news, my shoulder seems to be getting worse. I felt pain yesterday and I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. besides exercises. I was put on grill today and I did in FACT notice my arm is now weaker then what it was when I first injured it when I went to fill the shake machine.

I filled out a new application!
I spotted a flyer in the window of another store in town looking for part-time help, im pretty sure I wont be lifting anything heavy like a box of frozen fries >.> I filled out my application last night, although the site went down. I had to wait sometime for it to go back up. I finished it, so im on the desktop today to check my email. My allergies aren't bothering me as much since I also finally went and got the shots. All I have to do is go into the store to finish the rest of it now and hopefully I'll be doing close to 40hrs between both stores if im hired.

That way I can start paying off things and getting ready for the more important stuff like a car fund.

Oh and my cats will be hating my guts for the next three months. I bought them ear-mite medication with my check, and from the looks of them today. Very not happy. :<

I should be hearing about my laptop on Monday. They better have something to actually tell me instead of calling me for basically nothing. For now, im gonna watch infamous videos and then I might go lay down. I didn't sleep well last night, and I have a 6am shift tomorrow morning @.@

My laptop finally quit charging after two straight days of having to fuck with it. I've had it for almost a year now, and the damage it sustained was many months ago. water spilled. the cord getting crushed by the recliner..... bad kitten chewing <.< Many months ago no new damage has happened so I cant figure it out. So I got ahold of the maker and im shipping it back in one or two days, since the warranty is still good. They said they were going to replace the mother board, not sure EXACTLY why? But whatever long as it works again and I don't have to be in my mom's room all the time WHO CARES?! :'D

So being its getting shipped off and I wont be able to produce anything for almost two more weeks I decided to post what I have right now that's finished, the others are partically finished other then the one I had to re-do since I closed the wrong window. So if you dont hear from me or see anything from me that's why. In the meantime, I'll be taking a much needed trip down to the cabins and river for some relaxation and rune factory 3. I'm determined to get Snow married to Raven soon >:) and then getting all my crud in the mail eventually. Im sure it'll all arrive during this time period. So I'll have pictures when I get back maybe some drawings depending on how bored/emotional I get.

about going into the grooming business, I was trained for this and I did exceptionally well that I was permitted to help with hard cases and even grooming alone. I miss it, I miss the dogs. I miss showing up my classmates, and making them think they were stupid. I can read animals, they muzzled a cute cocker because she was nippy. It made me un-happy so I un-muzzled her, and they told me they wouldn't help me because they didn't wanna be bit. (Same story with my rabbit, they didn't want to be bit. To be fair though her bite really really hurt. I should have scars, but I don't.) Now this cocker was like the classic cocker, happy and dopey. Put her on the table and she'd get anxious and lightly nip. I broke her of the habit, by being patient. All you have to do is watch an animal for their reaction, Honey particularly didn't like her feet touched that was when she got the most nippy. But All I had to do was stop give her some attention or poke her lolling tongue with my finger and she'd be fine. It wasn't like her nails were long why she didn't want her feet touched, her problem was if you looked at her you'd think she was a very old dog when in reality she was a very young over-weight dog. All that weight on her feet made them sore. In return her owner (another teacher) got a bitching of a life-time. She was a very sweet dog, the problem was her owner was feeding her too much and not taking her out for runs. When I had her in the classroom I took her out and let her run the hills with me she made substancial weight loss progress to where she looked her age. Then when he brought her back after awhile he put the weight right back on her. I was so pissed off. However my teacher interrupted me. <.< The guy was a moron he was even feeding the rescued lab rats through the bars of the cage, it's no wonder why they attacked us.

But, like I said most of my classmates were a bunch of sissies. My rabbit just needed to feel safe and be trained to not be territorial over her cage, when she was her biting decreased dramatically and then they'd handle her and I didn't constantly have to stop clean my cage to go over and hold her while they did it. She was a pain even for me to catch if I put her down, I had to train her for awhile for that and then I walked her on a leash. I groom my husky/chow chow mix whenever she needs it, keeping my skills polished. Now I have a cat to shave too. YES SHAVE. I don't shave her in the particular lion-head fashion, I could though I just choose not to.

There were only two dogs I was unable to groom. One was a chow chow, his temperament was not friendly and even with me and my teacher we couldn't do it she ended up sending the dog away to not ever come back. I think the reason was because he tried to bite us, and the owner didn't bring in papers like they are supposed to. The other dog being, my dog's puppy. Who looks like a big ol black bear, my aunt never bothered before to have her groomed other then the vet I guess? so when I tried she was very un-happy. I did manage to groom her some, but with me alone and her not willing to help me it was difficult to get her to stay still. So I gave up.

I picked up a starter grooming kit a year ago, but I need to buy some more supplies. And look into it more.

Im not sure how to feel about it. I was safe at home, I didn't work yesterday. I don't normally work the overnights, longest I have is until one am and we were robbed at three am. I dunno how this will effect work today, I wonder if my friend was there. :( There hasn't been anything about it on the radio yet, so I don't know if they found the robbers yet. Whoever it was must've known that not many people are there that early in the morning.

It says my secret santa package was delievered Saturday, but the only thing we had when we got home from the yardsale was the flea medication I ordered. :( I wonder where my package is? ;n; Did my freaking asshole neighbor take it while we were gone?

Ever wonder why I have a strange email address? For those that I've gotten invoices from, bought from, emailed etc. My email address was created when I was younger, starting out with just yahoo and creating a second yahoo account. The first one always stuck with me, when I made my Hotmail account I decided to keep the username. Because the username was very unique and prevalent to my childhood.

Many a year ago, I was a book nerd. Loved books. Loved dark quiet places. to read in. I ordered this book, I was likely compelled by my imagination or love of the mythical species to want to read it. When I had it in my hands, I was happy. I had gotten a wonderful necklace that I wore for a long-time

It was The Unicorn's Secret by Kathleen Duey. The female unicorn fascinated me, and her name became very imprinted on my memory.

Yes I said Unicorns. Got a problem with that? I like them. deal with the mind fuck.
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd......dee5f2edc153a73d559e358dc -because I forget there there.

The fun fact is the main part of my email has the name of the unicorn mare featured in the very first book :3

Yes... the unicorns are still there. And that's it for this fun fact~ Tune in next month!

[/] = You have blue/green eyes
[x] = You blush a lot.
[x] = You giggle.
[x] = You're quiet.
[x] = You say random silly things.
[x] = You have a baby face..(Ughh I hate you face)
[] = You wear a more down to earth style of clothing.
[] = You don't wear halter tops or anything to showy.
[x] = Your under 5 feet 6 inches tall.

TOTAL SO FAR: 6 and a half

Innocence:
[] = You're a virgin.
[/] = Just thinking of sexual things makes you blush
[x] = Your idea of a date is really romantic.
[/] = You sleep with a stuffed animal.
[x] = You like to cuddle.
[x] = You've never played the Nervous game.
[x] = You don't even know what the nervous game is.

TOTAL SO FAR: 12 (see I made up for those half points, SHUT UP)

Colors:
[x] = You like the color pink/light blue (Light blue is good :3)
[] = You tend to wear bright/girly colors.

TOTAL SO FAR: 13

Personality:
[x] = You can be ignorant/oblivious.
[x] = You'd consider yourself shy.
[x] = You like happy upbeat music.
[] = You like "Cutesy" music.

TOTAL SO FAR: 16

What YOU think is cute:
[x] = You like small animals.
[ ] = You like babies a lot.
[x] = Small/mini versions of things make you go "AWWW!".


TOTAL SO FAR: 17 and a half

Take final answer and multiply by 4.
Final = 70%

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?
Uhh..... -thinks- my great niece at the fair
2.Are you outgoing or shy?
Depends on the situation. I feel shy all the time but if no one else has the balls to approach and befriend people I do it.
3.Who are you looking forward to seeing?
...pretty sure said person already knows...
4.Are you easy to get along with?
Depends on what kind of person you are; I get along with most people
5.If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
Im not sure it'd be a good idea if he tried XD
6.What kind of people are you attracted to?
Funny, interesting, Dark, Understanding <--does not have to have all
7.Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
no if I am its going to be a very interesting halloween
8.Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
What is this prying <///<
9.Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
It depends. I brag when I have bragging rights, when it comes to family that depends. AND with someone I like.... not so much uncomfortable as flustered.
10.Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
My college friend
11.What does the most recent text that you sent say?
Tell Blank I cant call her because im in too much pain?
12.What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
DAMNIT! >...> The reason why I smile; Glad you came; Just The girl; She's Killing Me; I'm in love with a girl/If I had you
13.Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Hurrrrrrrrrrrrr <3
14.Do you believe in luck and miracles?
...luck yes miracles....no
15.What good thing happened this summer?
Uh... im going to ignore this one.
16.Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Uh... depends I guess.
17.Do you think there is life on other planets?
if there is we shouldn't find it.
18.Do you still talk to your first crush?
That'd be a definite no. I don't even remember his name
19.Do you like bubble baths?
No.
20.Do you like your neighbors?
NOPE :D
21.What are you bad habits?
Swearing..., being loud,
22.Where would you like to travel?
Like vacation wise? Paris. or Japan I would go bonkers for japan. But like for the sake of traveling anywhere I haven't been <3 Because pictureesssss!
23.Do you have trust issues?
Yes but I've gotten a lot better dispite others efforts to make me worse.
24.Favorite part of your daily routine?
nope skipping
25.What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
Currently I would say my belly. I have to start sit-up to tighten the muscles now that I lost weight.
26.What do you do when you wake up?
If im tired as fuck? I lay there and blink a lot. If not I look at the time decide if its time to get up and if it is I get up if not I go back to sleep and rinse and repeat XD
27.Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Neither. Im as pale as I can be without being an albino. And I'd rather not be darker. I'm tanned and freckled where I need to be and that's good enough for me.
28.Who are you most comfortable around?
...My first ex. He was the closest I got to any person and he was my best friend. He got me. So it's not surprising im most comfortable around him. He knows my bad habits, insecurities and attitude.
29.Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Yes
30.Do you ever want to get married?
Yes
31.If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
yes
32.Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
....nope
33.Spell your name with your chin.
How bout no
34.Do you play sports? What sports?
nope. If I did it'd be soccer.
35.Would you rather live without TV or music?
Tv
36.Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Yes
37.What do you say during awkward silences?
Something that usually has an awkward tone to it because I am being akward. Because im nervous.
38.Describe your dream girl/guy?
I want a guy that doesn't mind that i'm a tsundere, who's shy and sweet but also open with his feelings. That openly cares, or crys because being the tough guy doesn't matter. I honestly don't mind having a "girly" guy. I'd actually prefer someone that can tells me how he feels, so I can comfort and love but also see that I can be vulnerable with him because he trusts me. I was raised to not show weakness. Essentially I was raised in the traditionally male manner. I used to want someone who was more dominant then me so I could be protected, but... what I really need is someone to protect. I want a guy that likes me inside and out, looking beyond the mask I wear for other people. I also want someone who's interested in things I like, and who's open minded. ...I could wish upon a thousand stars for someone who is as loyal as I am. Thoughtful, surprising me with both big and small things. The small things being the most thoughtful and caring. Sweet enough to cause me to blush.
39.What are your favorite stores to shop in?
GAME STORES
40.What do you want to do after high school?
Already done; but the original answer was become a vet
41.Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No. I don't trust people. Especially people who aren't making an effort to obtain a second chance.
42.If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
Generally Upset. which can be sad upset or very angry upset. or a mixture. Very angry that turns into sad upset.
43.Do you smile at strangers?
I have to >.< I work at mcdonalds.
44.Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
uhh.... fear of drowning so SPACE
45.What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Depends on the day; Sometimes I have a kitten staring at me waiting to play. Other days work. Most days... uh um..
46.What are you paranoid about?
Cheating
47.Have you ever been high?
Yes. naturally I like roses. Un-naturally (although I guess now it'd be natural) I don't understand why people like kush. And accidentally high of paint fumes.
48.Have you ever been drunk?
No. But I did get close.
49.Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
....no.
50.What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Black and grey
51.Ever wished you were someone else?
yes
52.One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
My fear
53.Favourite makeup brand?
I DONT WEAR IT; THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE!
54.Favourite store?
55.Favourite blog?
56.Favourite colour?
Blue ;w;
57.Favourite food?
CHEESECAKE
58.Last thing you ate?
Hershey almond chocolate bar
59.First thing you ate this morning?
Fruity Pebbles <.<
60.Ever won a competition? For what?
Yes. Rabbit show. Won two blue ribbons :D
61.Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Yes; Fights like usual
62.Been arrested? For what?
no
63.Ever been in love?
Yea
64.Tell us the story of your first kiss?
My first kiss was if I remember correctly stolen by a friend who later fathered my great niece. I don't remember what he was so excited about but he came into the cafeteria and kissed me and im like wtf dude? oNo A sheer look of horror and confusion.

If you wanna go with what I would count as my first wanted kiss, it was on one of our dates. the first or second one. We were in the backroom where his parents could monitor us, watching tv and jackass. I'm nervous as hell so my mind is mentally flipping out. He turns to me and tells me to close my eyes, which I just kinda blink at him with a wut? expression. He had his closed already and then I realized what he was doing. I did as asked. He was off target a bit. Could've been way worse though XD
65.Are you hungry right now?
naw
66.Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
no don't use it
67.Facebook or Twitter?
Facebook
68.Twitter or Tumblr?
Niether
69.Are you watching tv right now?
no
70.Names of your bestfriends?
...naw... not this one
71.Craving something? What?
nope
72.What colour are your towels?
various
73.How many pillows do you sleep with?
two. techiquely one since the other is a quillow.
74.Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Not normally. If I feel unstable sad, I do.
75.How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
...I dunno 20?
76.Favourite animal?
went from wolf to horse to cat. so I would say cat.
77.What colour is your underwear?
nuh-uh
78.Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla <3
79.Favourite ice cream flavour?
^
80.What colour shirt are you wearing?
Im not wearing a shirt o-o
81.What colour pants?
No pants either o-o
82.Favourite tv show?
Lost Girl
83.Favourite movie? Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki
84.Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
no, just no.
85.Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
86.Favourite character from Mean Girls?
no
87.Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
DORI
88.First person you talked to today?
Mother
89.Last person you talked to today?
The_Elemental
90.Name a person you hate?
Recent ex-boyfriend with a burning witch hunting passion
91.Name a person you love?
Nope ignoring this too
92.Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
Co-worker definately
93.In a fight with someone?
Yes?
94.How many sweatpants do you have? like three?
95.How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? more then I need
96.Last movie you watched?
Vampires suck
97.Favourite actress?
98.Favourite actor?
99.Do you tan a lot?
HELL NO
100.Have any pets?
COURSE I LOVE ANIMALS
101.How are you feeling?
PAIN LOTS O PAIN
102.Do you type fast?
Why yes I do. I also type very loudly when I do most cases
103.Do you regret anything from your past?
Yes
104.Can you spell well?
Yes, don't get the title of being an "English Nazi" by not spelling well
105.Do you miss anyone from your past?
...All the time :'(
106.Ever been to a bonfire party?
yes
107.Ever broken someone’s heart?
yes
108.Have you ever been on a horse?
mmm no.
109.What should you be doing?
sleeping
110.Is something irritating you right now?
no
111.Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Unfortunately. both leading to panic attacks.
112.Do you have trust issues?
...Wasn't this asked like 90 questions ago?
113.Who was the last person you cried in front of?
no one.
114.What was your childhood nickname?
HELL NO
115.Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yes
116.Do you play the Wii?
yes
117.Are you listening to music right now?
no; normally yes.
118.Do you like chicken noodle soup?
its ok
119.Do you like Chinese food?
yes
120.Favourite book?
Maximum Ride
121.Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes and no.
122.Are you mean?
Sometimes.
123.Is cheating ever okay?
No, but sometimes people do actually learn their lesson after one time.
124.Can you keep white shoes clean?
No
125.Do you believe in love at first sight?
ehh.... not really. because I can like a person on site but as soon as I find out their personality it either sails or sinks the ship for me.
126.Do you believe in true love?
yes
127.Are you currently bored?
no
128.What makes you happy?
.....
129.Would you change your name?
YES
130.What your zodiac sign?
Virgo <.<
131.Do you like subway?
*HISS* MY PULLED PORK SUB
132.Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
uh.... be really akward because most of my male friends aren't anything im interested in. And I don't know how to let people down easy enough to where the get the point but also where im not a bitch. I've been too nice and ended up with a stalker. I've been too mean and been called a bitch which upset me.
133. Another repeat.
yup
134.Favourite lyrics right now?
Angel with a shotgun lyrics
135.Can you count to one million?
Why would I want to
136.Dumbest lie you ever told?
That my bike was at my friend's house when it actually got stolen when I was down at the river. She believed it reguardless.
137.Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
open. would you like me to roast or freeze to death?
138.How tall are you?
5'3 and three quarters. they just mark me as 5'4
139.Curly or Straight hair?
It's both (when grown out its also wavy)
140.Brunette or Blonde?
Honeydew Blonde (Honey color people. The way honey looks in both light and darkness)
141.Summer or Winter?
Winter :"D I don't die from allergies
142.Night or Day?
Night
143.Favourite month?
OCTOBER; OCTOBR'E
144.Are you a vegetarian?
no.
145.Dark, milk or white chocolate?
White
146.Tea or Coffee?
...tea >.<
147.Was today a good day?
not really
148.Mars or Snickers?
*whimpers* Sssnnniiicckkkeeerrrsss ;A;
149.What’s your favourite quote?
I dunno? The Circle of Life?
150.Do you believe in ghosts?
yes

Listening to my mom gripe about stupid things when they're important to me for what seems to me obvious reasons. I went to check a message on etsy about my newly commissioned doll, I just made the first payment last night. She was throwing a bitch fit about me being on my laptop when she didn't even have all her yard sale shit ready to go. Meanwhile I had already grabbed a few things and brought them out. I called it good. I get so tired of her bitching that im on my laptop, when she doesn't even listen to me when I do talk to her. I brought up the doll money multiple times yesterday and right before we left I told her the exact amount I go to work and get done and she's like you didn't tell me how much to put on the card. (Because once again she over-drew her bank account) She does the same shit with just about everything. Then she even has the nerve to bitch at me to carry boxes of her shit. Because im totally gonna walk out the door without taking shit. She was bitching about my sister waiting until the last minute to ask us. bitching about not going yardsaling. AND THEN THEN MY DOLL!

Ok, so Yeah I imagine if someone is reading this they're thinking well it is just a doll. It's not. I'm paying a lot of money to have a custom doll made of my cat that died years ago. It's important to me, because we have very little of her in pictures. Eventually I might not ever get to see her again once my grandmother's farm is sold. ....it's not just that. What happened to me when I was younger, effected my photographic memory to the point I don't really have a memory at all now. I don't want to forget her. I'm afraid to.

My mother doesn't understand this, and she compares me to herself because what happened to her was worse. But... I pushed what happened to me away for years. The councilor thought I might have PTSD, but I stopped going being I was talking over and over about the same thing happening and it was what little I could remember. It just got old and it didn't do anything for me for a couple of months. She always does this crap comparing me to other people. "Your sister is all talk, you are too." Um, no. If I'm talking about kicking some ass, 75% of the time I'm going to get up and do it. "How come you need to go to counciling I didn't." "Your room looks like my boyfriends daughters" Why do I care? hell why do you care? You put your shit in my room but expect it to be sparkling clean and neat when your own room isn't and we haven't had a yard sale in years? Besides that I clean my room, what mess there is is clean chaos. I have an area strictly for my art/plushes, a hamper for my winter clothes. and that's pretty much it. I'm nothing like his daughter or my sister or anyone else. I am ME. ME got up and got a job, me keeps my room decent enough with the space and lack of being able to giveaway or sell things. ME is scared. ME is no one else but ME.

Recently, I had a relapse with my dermatillomania. I'm back to wearing band-aids because I picked the skin around my cuticles so bad that it's tender/red. I'm thinking about starting to wear mittens again so they'll heal, it's not as bad as some cases but im getting really tired of constantly picking at them because the skin is rough or sub-consciously doing it. I just learned what it actually was this year when I be-friended a person with Trichotillomania I talked to after reading an article about it and realizing I similar symptoms. Describing how I felt, before, during and after picking. And from what I remembered on when I started. I originally started just chewing my nails around testing time. Then I was doing both, chewing my nails and cuticles. I learned the chewing of my nails mainly happened because I wanted them perfect, growing them out they had a habit of chipping and breaking. That's when I started trimming them. I no longer chew them. However I've become accustomed to using the clippers to try and groom my dead skin of my cuticles. Using tools is bad >.< The only way I've found that decreases the tendancy to bite, dig/tear and clip is to work often, wear band-aids or gloves.

I do really well in the winter, the skin grows back and heals but then I get a hang-nail or flaking cuticles and im back at it, I wanna stop but its hard to sometimes even when I am picking. I can literally sit for minutes on end picking them, sometimes hours if im watching tv. As I speak im currently wearing three bandaids and the feeling is at bay for the need to continue. My mom doesn't understand this either. She says to stop. to sit on my hands. When that's not how it works. I don't like seeing my fingers tore up, bleeding, bandaged or feeling the pain when sweat or other things (at say work) get into the wounds. If I could stop, if I could find some way to I would. Im not doing it for attention. I do it because it makes me feel better.

Im really, really tired of her not caring about me. She's supposed to be my mom but she's too worried about my money and other people to care about what's really going on inside my head. Not that its anything new, we haven't been close for a long time. It's not that I haven't tried to be, she expects me to drop whatever im doing to do things with her. But if I ask I have to wait. That's not how it works. especially all the time.

Kinda like the Cheddar bacon mcchicken. But my version and its tasty as hell. Best thing I've ever eaten at a McDonalds. I took a red bun, slapped some white cheddar, two strips of bacon and a crispy chicken. Hnnngg <3 BEST! Tastes pretty good with fries. And no.. I don't often like condiments. Even if I did there's just some foods they ruin, and this is one of them. So much goodness. Im happy I got to make it tonight and even better im not totally starving now :D

*note enjoy some ookami-san while reading this :3 http://youtu.be/A_xzXu98Flg <-- Also Sirius's and Skittles song

I have this really bad habit of browsing and finding ych's or open artists. Spending my money. Often. Much too often. I have things I need to work on buying for myself. hurrs some special things, some sentimental things, some collars and chokers. Although I do have one or two that wouldn't be for me :3 he he he

I get alittle carried away because I usually find one I find a lot. I guess my plan for not asking for doll pick ups at cons didn't work out so far XD because now im spending on art. Oh well I'll figure it out eventually and get my new toys ~<3

I haven't forgotten about posting up art, I have about three new ones done. But I wanna get another done before I post them up, its a bit challenging since they are appaloosa's But it's coming, just slower then I'd like it to but im not so good with all the spots >.< I have most of this week off, it's a bummer for paying bills and buying stuff or cooking new things but... at least im not ready to murder my crew-members now. ^_^;

Havent gotten my poke stuff, or my exchange stuff. It came from over-seas so im really excited to see what I got from whoever it was but it got re-turned some how? I never got it so we're trying to figure that out. I have to do the dragonside one this month... im gonna need some help with that its my first time doing a secret santa swap but I have some nice things picked out I just need alittle bit of help.

I recently told off my ex (well not so much in anger wise), I realized that if he really meant that I was important to him he would've made more of an effort for me to be in his life. And no he's single if he wasn't I wouldn't wanna get in her way im just not that type of person. But anyways, I got that he works an all but if he has time to call/answer my ex-friend(his ex-gf) as well as take her up to his apartment when he's asked me to come and after I finally agreed to go and he hasn't taken me once. Well what does it say to you? Why should I keep putting effort to be in someones life when they don't. I mean come on, if someone else can message me once a day everyday and we haven't even had a relationship compared to the person I did who was lucky if he texted me once every other day or longer.

I just decided he wasn't worth my time anymore. I miss him, he used to be my best friend but I don't need him and honestly he hurts me way more then he helps me. Sure I get lonely but so does everyone else. He made a lot of mistakes, and I gave him plenty of chances to change and be a better person to change when he failed at showing me for example that I was important. All he says is sorry, but sorry doesn't make it ok. Sorry is used over and over again and means nothing if its repeated.

I did decide to look for someone, but to be careful about it this time. The co-worker I liked? Yeah.... well he turned out to be an ass-hat. Found out my friend said a bit more then I would've liked her to when I was you know apparently being a ninja while working and heard him talking to people about it before realizing like a moron I was standing right there. He shut up about it. Sure I was mad, but I wasn't broken or anything. I was lucky, I had chickened out on the day I was gonna tell him I liked him and that I'd like to hang out. But to me, I don't want somebody just judging me because I have big knockers and a nice figure. Yes, they are nice but I consider them bonuses. Because if you don't like my personality those things wont matter for long. But him? Im guessing he judged me based on how I look and act at work, which isn't pretty. My aggression gets way way way up there, and the one girl is getting pretty close to having me knocking her down a peg with dominance. But im quiet unless I have actual time to talk to people and its usually only the ones I know and get along with. As for looks wise? HORRIBAD. I have a loose fitting uniform, when I started I weighted about 30-40lbs more so I was a bit chunky. They don't really show off my figure or flatter me any and I hate the visor im always knocking it into things.

I've walked in a few time in my best outfits with my hair down, I don't think my co-workers realize its me. I've been hit up for a convo by a customer before but im pretty sure he was jail bait so I coldly and calmly brushed him off. Most of my team-members think im 16, just had to go through it again sunday that no im not a teenager im 21 and legal. Its this damn face, -scrunches- I enjoy being told that because I looked my best at 16 but then I think about it in dating terms and im like...... FUUUUCCCKKKK no body my age is gonna wanna date me ;n; because they think im jail bait. That's the sad part.

Back to the guy anyways, I wish my friend hadn't said anything because after I lost my nerve I became very dis-interested in him. Instead I spent my time with someone worth spending it with. He has a nice heart and personality. He makes me laugh a lot and smile. I honestly cant remember feeling like this any other time except for with my first boyfriend. I smile, I sing, I hum, sometimes I dance a little (no dancing at work <.<) I actually feel happy. Given im still angry as hell at work I feel relieved when I come home finally and the stuff that happened doesn't matter anymore. Its nice... really nice. I haven't been really depressed and lonely in awhile, hell I hardly use my cell phone anymore.
Im just happy he's there.

I admit I do get alittle lonely at work since I cant talk to him there with my small hunk of junk. But I guess that's when I can bother my friends, since one of them is trying to have a relationship with another one of my friends. It gets stressful for me sometimes since they both have issues so I stop talking to them. But I love both the women. They're both really sweet although my college friend is a bit sadistic <.< Then there's my other friend that I think is a moron for going back to her ex when he was put in jail a few months ago for either stealing from his job or drug possession. Not like weed either. I don't particularly like the stuff but I have to deal with it being around so that wasn't my problem with him. MY PROBLEM with him was, he shot up on his couch she supported him, she got PREGNANT like a retard with him. AND THE stupid fucker said I'll stop for you baby. Yeah he stopped alright <.< after he got thrown into jail and she lost the baby. She's even gonna move back in with him after I told her, she didn't have to move in with him to try dating him again. Especially since you know she lost the baby and had to deal with that on her own after years of being pushed and wanting one.

She made excuses for him, saying his parents wouldn't let him move in with them. well gee golly, I wonder why that would be? BECAUSE he isn't going to stop doing drugs he needs help. If she really loved him, she'd get him some damn help. I mean for gods sakes she ends up pregnant again what kind of life is that kid gonna have. Other then being the great grand baby being pushed to have children like it's mother was. -_- Before I get all Ragey.

I like not being able to talk at work because then I can think about some things. Like questions, or just let my thoughts run wild. Just for alittle while I can think of being free from the people here. Free from being stalked by my predator, my duties to protect the weaklings. I think about what it'd be like to get away from here and all the broken things. Things like, the farm being sold and me not being able to re-claim what was ours. Grandma's getting old she wont live forever. Even if I had the money with what happened with the monster I'd never be able to buy all the shares. ....The horrible memories. Never having to get up the next day and fear seeing that terrorizing face again. To swallow down the fear, panic and tears. I used to be afraid of leaving my home, the land that was connected to my heart. ...At this point I only fear leaving Snickers behind. When I began traveling when I was in school it was scary but I loved it. I went to Toronto; Canada (CANADIA :D) granted I was broken up with my boyfriend so I wasn't all that happy but the new sights and sounds made it mostly better I collect Canadian money so I still have ten Canadian dollars :3

I've been to a beach in pa. I've gone to east aurora to stay with a long-distance boyfriend. ...His house was haunted :'D not so good for me since I sense that shit ;n; it was really pretty up there. I had fun picking apples and watching red vs blue. also eating a crap ton of candy and donuts ;w; then going to Rochester to stay with my college friend. I really enjoyed the beach, oh and honey somethings.... what the hell was it called. I know it had vodka in it. didn't like so much that I couldn't wander the apartment halls or outside alone. <.< considering if I get mad I like to pace. Also AMAZING rose garden! yessssss..... I sniffed those flowers like they were crack. ...Florida for Disney senior trip was awesome. Sept for the fact im a paley I sit indoors and like nighttime. ;n; I got alittle crispy and then a little chaffed. The hotel was really nice, and it even had a pool <3 I enjoyed that fucker like no tomorrow. until the Mexicans cleaned the room and took off with my bathing suit. >.> I have a habit of wrapping it up in towels I was not expecting the room to be cleaned that day. As for sleep since my blood is definitely thicker... I had to bathe/shower in order to lower my body temp. I'd like to travel more, see some more sights. I was supposed to go see my brother in texas, but we're no longer on good terms. Then there was my friend in Alabama who im also not on good terms with <.< she's more then a bit slutty. she's a lot slutty. didn't mind so much but when she came back home and didn't see me but saw my ex I minded. So yup. -shrugs- well my college friend lives in florida now, she moved after I came home from their place. I now have a fur friend located in NJ I'd like to go visit her sometime.

Im basically just blowing my money right now even if what im mostly spending it on is a good investment,

http://youtu.be/C2nwnhST2ko

Well I finished my first anthro piece gotta say for my first try I am happy with it, still got a lot to work on my proportions were off some and I don't think I did the lightning effect correctly I need to study a bit more. It wont be posted though for a few days... Im kinda embarrassed to post it/wondering what effect it'll have. I'm hesitant to.
I may make a second version too. I might also put up the amv this time...

But I need to get my commission done soon, I been slacking on that since I was feeling more for the personal, and then I have another personal piece to do. maybe another... I dunno.

Anybody pre-order persona Q? I ordered the premium last week <3 I get all the goodies. Personally im really excited to see Akihiko-senpai again im prett sure that's what im most excited about XD I do admit I have a crush on him, my boyfriend (back then) then regretted wanting me to play persona 3 portable. He was so cute though, his personality is interesting. Other then that I also pre-ordered the new harvest moon game, but I don't know much about it yet I just own a lot of them not really sure how I feel about it although if they manage to have a character like the Wizard from animal parade I will be one extremely happy lady.

I been planning on picking up Conception 2 to pass the time, it looked like a great game when I picked it up in the store out of curiousity to look at. Looked similar to persona and I know how much I loved the dungeons in persona.

Persona Q OP http://youtu.be/zylNRGrXabw


....Damnit now that I think about it I still really need to buy Wolf children -_- But... I also really need to get my hair and bangs trimmed. So it'll grow more.... and so I can see/ actually manage the darn thing. darn darn so much stuff. I just realized I should be getting my pokemon merch I bought soon hopefully with a free figure since it's ten days late ^^;

*messes hair* I've been actually in a great mood lately, went into work and it mostly evaporated other then my humming or low singing. My friend came in and we were talking and we ended up on the subject of my love-life. Being she slept with her boyfriend's friend (which was fine with him I guess) I was like, I don't really meet people outside of work, and when people look at me they think im 16 or 12 Great that you know I'll look youthful for awhile not so great for the dating scene. Going along with that, I don't know the ages of my co-workers so even if I did go out with them or whatever I wouldn't be able to do much with them if they were underage. :/ I mentioned that a friend of mine asked me out, he's a nice guy and all but he's not my type. He's funny and a great guy, but he's not what im looking for and after spending so much time with him recently I've pretty much gotten the gist im not attracted to him at all. I prefer guys with not only a kind heart but also guys with motivation, something he's really lacking in considering when I did work with him the first time I was doing wall products (fryed chicken and fish) Doing grill (meats, onions) as well as keeping the ice cream machine full and getting ice for people and cleaning. All he was doing was assembly (making sandwhiches) I like a guy with a great personality, not saying he doesn't but for me he's lacking. I like guys with interesting qualities or quirks. Im not attracted to meat-heads. I've been hit on by enough foot-ball players to know that. I love gentlemen because im too often bothered by pigs.

Im usually attracted to tall and handsome. (yes, sometimes dark) But I've fallen for people outside of that type because there was something special about them and how they made me feel. For me, that guy is like a bro. Not like he's my brother. The male kind of reference of a bro. She told me to try him out but im really sure im not interested in him at all. We got talking more and im really hoping she doesn't start pimping me out :X Im pretty sure im the relationship type of girl. And I have very particular tastes in men and kinks.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything about not having a love life. But it did give me some useful information... I dunno... im shy.. and my first reaction is to run. Also to hide. I literally made my first boyfriend chase me around the library looking for me on our first date. and hid in the closet when I went with my second boyfriend. Im just starting to get my confidence back... the old me. I don't wanna ruin it. I admit I've been lonely but I've gone a year before without seeing anyone.

Im not really sure what I wanna do; There are a couple im interested in.

http://youtu.be/WGfVq_Vs6_U

He cant hurt me anymore, he cant steal anymore of my innocence. Yet... Im still dreadfully terrified. I fall to pieces when I see the man that completely recked my self-esteem. The reason I cry to the point of hyper-ventilation and dry heaving. The man that ruined my family, the people I protected for years while I suffered and died inside. Everytime I break down when I see him, when I see her. the one who I protected the most... who told me she didn't believe me.

Im grown now, im strong now. I can take out grown men when they least expect it from someone as sweet and weak looking as me yet I still fall apart. I still feel weak, and afraid just like when I was little and knew I wouldn't make it if I ran. Why? Why can't I? Why can't I stop being afraid of him? When can I stop running...

I really, REALLY cant get over how heartless humans are. I know I am very sensitive to matters involving cats but still... Killing a defenseless kitten? ITS A KITTEN. its small, scared and looking for its mother. WHAT RIGHT, what fucking right does anyone have to take it out of this world?! I don't care if your dog doesn't like cats. Dogs don't have to, its an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ISSUE if your dog can and will kill a kitten. I can understand if it was an accident, one time thing and there was empathy for the animal lost.

My cats, are my babies they are my world. If they weren't here I definitely wouldn't be, sure I get mad they get up in my face. Run off with pens, get hairballs, get into things they aren't supposed to. I cant ever say I would kill one, even the semi-feral ones that have bitten me. I didn't get mad at them or much less any other animal. But a baby... how can people be so cruel?

"i don't like cats" You don't have to but you don't have to run them over either. There's people that feel the same way about that precious dog of yours. I don't like dogs so I'll run them over. How does that make every dog lover feel? we feel the same way about our cats. Some of us more so when a kitten or puppy doesn't get to find the person their meant to be with forever helping them grow, teaching them and ultimately being a true friend and family member.

This issue should be addressed, we need proof is a bunch of bullshit. How many animals have to die before someone actually catches them, meanwhile in human society murderers can be put away on one murder. AND what the hell happened to if someone hit an animal they were to pull the animal to the side of the road, or be fined. BUT rarely is anyone slapped with a fine.

I will not be in a good frame of mind, I will be prone to snap. I might be even alittle gone already, since a poor kitten went missing and was found in the road. Likely because the tenants they rented to killed it and then put it in the road. After all how incriminating would it be to find kitten remains on the property or in the home. Lets just stick it in the road where no one will be able to tell what it is.

I just cant. I JUST CANT DEAL WITH HUMANS

http://chibisilverwings.deviantart......2014-466816196
chibisilverwingz is holding a free raffle check it. Not totally sold on the quality? Check their gallery http://chibisilverwings.deviantart......lery/?offset=0 OMG SPHEAL ;A; I didn't even see those sneaky round devilish seal balls. Man its been awhile since I've actually indepth viewed the people im watching, chibi's really improved. Im so lucky im mostly broke XD or I'd be tempted to try and buy somethings from them. But the interesting part is there's more then one prize and places.

This very same person after talking would do some really cute chub chub ponies :D I was putting it off for awhile then when I got my job I ended up so busy I hardly got on DA anymore. So... I still don't have chub chub ponies. BUT I WILL! Firecracker and Starlight Charmer need to be cute little charms <3 Seriously their work is amaaaaazzzzing. I never in my imagination thought I'd be able to get a decent priced charm of my two main mama ponies. :3 So im really happy about that. and I can be all weird when I do a dummy and go in for more money and end up very un-happy for moneyz then be like im doing it for the ponies. Just remember your doing it for the ponies. Lets be honest here, min wage workers aren't treated the best. Somedays it takes all my will to not walk out the door for the day like my other co-workers or to really keep my mouth-shut. So a pony charm is a welcome to a droll week.

I ended up in-advertedly creating a sequel when I had a dream. Can't really make a sequel without the prequel. Im still working out the kinks since any one of the endings to pack wars could be linked to this. As well as my new characters names. Their names weren't mentioned at all during the course of it. Pack wars will definitely be posted before the sequel, which I also need a name for :/

Im hoping I can pick an ending this time instead of voting. But we'll see how it goes.

You know, I just read where someone was in a relationship with someone who wasn't "into" furs. So my question is why? Whats wrong with furs? other then what you think due to media. A few years ago I didn't know what being a furry meant, or what they do. But when an old friend from school told me he was a fur, I didn't freak out all I did was that's cool.... Whats a furry? and over a period of time he showed and told me. That's pretty much when I discovered I was one too. Didn't really get into being one so much until last year when I met a lovely group of furs and people. well furs are people. but you know what I mean. That was when I REALLY learned about how much fun it is and how much joy it brings to you and other people.

But also maybe I finally found the acceptance I was looking for, that was when I finally started using this account and spending more time with my fursona. The boyfriend at that time didn't really seem to think differently of me or notice anything. But things ended horribly. I maybe a submissive primarily, but I do know when it's time to speak up about serious on-going issues. and he didn't like that so much so he was working on replacing me and finally did when we ended on easter.

When I finally learned a bunch about being a fur I became tempted to try fur-suiting. Unfortunately the next boyfriend was a coward to most new things. He didn't like suits. he didn't like fur-cons. He made it clear that I had to choose him or being a furry. and when I chose being a furry or rather my true self he let me know he wasn't happy with it. You know I was perfectly fine if he wanted to spend his time trying to become famous on youtube. that was himself. I accepted that. That's what you do when you love someone you accept them and all their flaws. No matter how kind and understanding I was of his fears, needs and wants. He never seemed to consider what I wanted. It's probably why I felt weird about the relationship to begin with because something wasn't right.

...I'm not saying all change is bad. I'm guilty of changing too, out of fear, love or some other reason. I became an entirely different person out of my first real and long relationship. I realized I needed to change for the better. that it couldn't be like that the next time. And it wasn't. I was different. I thought about every choice. I thought about my extreme anger. I questioned it. I questioned my choices. Myself. I learned that sometimes you have to let things go even though your scared. I was scared to truly give my heart to someone again and have it thrown away to be replaced by another. I was really scared to love. to show how I felt. ..to cry... to allow myself to be weak. or to let someone know what I was thinking.

the last person I did... tore my heart out in one fowl swoop. and made me have a bleeding hole for months. It's not the pain that always kills you sometimes its the hope. It took some time but I did open up to him. But I became extremely submissive to his wants and needs. and that's a no-no. I lost myself. and when he left me for what I feared most would happen. I was relieved that all the stress was over. still pretty hurt of course but nothing like before.

But even if im really angry or really sad and crying I can talk about my feelings now. I can express how I feel in both words and actions. I know not to let my worst side get to me, to say things I'll regret because I was angry. Because I wanted someone to feel my pain that I was feeling at that moment by any means even causing it myself. But... I know better than to bottle it up all the time. I can let the pain out. and use the rage only when I need to have a back-bone such as the case with my mother. I learned that I wasted a lot of time, especially when I lost something extremely dear to me that caused me to drift back into Psychosis and even more so when my heart was ripped out. My life is hard, its not easy but me hiding away from what happened and continued to happen for years since I was young. stopped me from living my life. stopped me from my dreams. ....stopped me from being a normal human.

I stopped spending time on the computer. I quit roleplaying after years of perfecting my stories. From there... I had time to help. Both myself and another. Or the way I feel about myself due to others. But I will never put others who selfishly think about only themselves ahead of me. Never again. I can't keep doing that. Im a soft-hearted person who's often mistaken as naïve, gullable. I put others ahead of myself because I know what true pain is. I have compassion, I know right and wrong. But I also have the side that's darker. Where I can manipulate people. trustworthy and good grades were my ticket into being alone in a teachers room. I feign being weak to tempt big shots into confronting me so I can knock them down. Innocence my biggest feign of all.

But all in all these things didn't help me when it came to my most hated ex. I went into submission once the abuse began trying to get him to stop. When he finally let me go I was so happy. a touch lonely. But im still very happy. Im myself. I may not be whole because a piece of me is missing but overall being single isn't so bad. I started to focus on myself. rather then constantly on others. I bought what I wanted. did what I wanted. flirted with who I wanted. It's nice not to constantly think... I have to save this money because so and so's birthday is coming up. Or I have to sacrifice getting a game so I can make this person happy.

I've been asked out... about three times, hit on a lot more (more then I realize since I don't understand when a male is interested) I turned them down. I just wasn't interested. Two of the fellas hardly knew me, and I was so over going out with someone and not knowing much about them at all. Not to mention the way they seemed desperate. that's really not my thing especially after I had been single for over a year at one point. The other fella is a close friend who I only think of as like a bro. in the male definition. He's my dude to play video games with, bitch and relate to. He's a nice guy but im just not attracted to him. and well im not sure if I am bi so I couldn't go out with my friend who as much as I wished she was male she isn't. But she's a real sweetie. I'll admit its hard to find someone even without being a fur, I used to be one popular ass lady but only one person had my heart. Now that im working I only see people I work with pretty much and quite a few are under-age. and the ones that aren't well.... that's where oblivious comes in. Cant really tell if they like me or not. ^^; im really bad with that sort of thing unless someone comes out and says they like me.

But even if they did, they'd have to accept all of me. Not all at once, but you know eventually. I don't mess around darting from one person to the next or filling my bed with different people. The tsundre part of me where I will motivate and inspire with force. The hero. The nightmare. The furry. The vulnerable. The scared. The kinks. Not every girl is going to like what I do and not every guy. But really being a furry isn't a big deal. If I had never found out about furs I'd still be kinky and have my fetishes. So seriously that's not the worst thing you have to worry about. What you have to worry about is being hand-cuffed to the bed and blind folded while I have my way. Never reaching the desperate release~

So, my point is you should change for the better. Change for yourself not others. Do whats best for you, because when those people are gone that's all you have is yourself. Might as well be ok with you. If they cant accept that then they aren't for you, and don't EVER let lonliness change your mind. Because if they really loved you they would work to try to make you a better person and THEMSELVES. Loves not a one way street. Your supposed to encourage dreams, inspire and fight together not alone. And challenge eachother in a positive way to do better, to dream bigger go farther.

Its not love if they cant love everything about you even the scary parts, where you think you are a monster. If they cant walk up to you and hug you while its going on or after and say its going to be ok. I love you. I wont settle for anything less then this. Neither should anyone else. And I am a better person for making that choice.

Well I really didn't wanna do this before I could show better traditional drawing examples. So I guess I'll just up-load those tomorrow before work. or after... since I don't work very long. Im not entirely sure what to charge. But since I do backrounds, shading and highlights... Maybe 5-10 dollars. I really need the money, if you absolutely need to know why. One of the reasons is... when I was younger I was infatuated with this show called The Fabulous Beekman Boys. I absolutely loved it. Because it's personal to me. My family on my grand-fathers side have been farmers for over a hundred years, and as for me well. He was long gone by the time I accidentally came along and Grandma was getting too old for it. She ended up selling the rest of the animals. So I never really got the chance to learn or actually do farming.

...For me watching that show was kinda like having a piece of my grandfather back. To understand my heritage and what my family did. Minus well the gorier details. I know that being a farmer isn't for everyone, and I love animals. However, as much as I do love them I am unable to become a vegan and therefore eat them. Yes, I said it. But I do prefer buying things directly from the farmers whenever I can rather then stores where it could come from... much worse places. which is back to the point. I've been wanting to try as many new things as possible (insert sexual innuendo here /end sarcasim/) so when I relocated the beekman store online I decided I wanted to try their famous BLAAK cheese. Well it's actually VERY expensive. I would be able to afford it under normal circumstances, however... it's just me and my mom. And although im getting at least 20-30hrs a week at work I don't get to keep my money unless I fight over it tooth and claw usually I end up with very little. And I mean I don't mind helping out and paying bills and stuff but it's more then what it should be considering im almost gone 48hrs a week and that's not counting how many hrs I sleep. So there's very little im actually doing in terms of bills but im expected to give up most of my money.

and I unfortunately at the moment cannot work two jobs until I figure out whats going on with my shoulder. Otherwise I might end up stabbing the creepy crawlies and bleeding all over. <.< Because they quite literally do after seven to eight hrs drive me bonkers.

if your interested just send me a note. My backrounds are getting much better. I can finally do really nice scenery. (sky & ground)

NOTES: - This is only for Ferals I cannot do digital anthros yet.
- IF you desire me to do try a ref it will cost more. As it will take me more time to make it as good as I possibly can.
- I can do baby versions. I just did decent foals recently.
The more complicated the character the more it will cost, this is coming from somebody who owns crazy characters herself.
-I can do Chibi, semi chibi, and realistic. this will also affect price. this is mostly based on what you are looking for, like chub chibi or kawaii chibi etc.

EX:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13283744/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13849959/ -I have improved farther on my backrounds, the one I did most recently makes this one fawn in comparison. A beautiful starry night, dark but various shades of hues on the grass tufts that poke out. it's so pretty ;A; (if you note me asking about it I will happily show it. But I cannot post is as the lines I colored my characters into do not belong to me. As well as I cannot use it outside of the site therefore I cannot post it and post credit.)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13746758/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13695166/

I will also be posting more examples throughout the week, as my muse finally came back and im ready to create again. ...I may even make a template so I can start selling ponies and breeding them again <3 I miss the little buggers.

~thanks for reading much love <3 I'll try not to make it so long next time ;3