i've been kinda busy hecking up my entire life because of mental illness and i ended up destroying my hard drive by accident and broke down after losing about 8+ years of art ha ha

it's ok though i'll live

my computer is back up and operating and i'm medicated

so i'll try to be more active but i can't promise anything atm

sorry guys i suck

please remind me if i owe you anything and i'll try to do the thing™

lots.

i just shovelled and my arms feel like they're gonna fall off but otherwise I'm doing alright.

S P E C I F I C S

> legal name: Scrimmy Bingus
> preferred names: HI I’M KAYLE
> acceptable names: Kayle, Kay, leafy greens, dad.
> d.o.b.: March 19, ‘93
> gender: stinky boy
> preferred pronouns: him
> acceptable pronouns: him/them
> sexual preference: panromantic demisexual
> relationship status: engaged to mel <3
> religious standing: nope.

A P P E A R A N C E

> species: Human boy
> race: Pasty White
> height: 5’ 1”
> weight: Last time I weighed myself it was about 150 lbs?
> body build: Chubby/Starting to get more muscular!
> complexion: Very pale, slightly spotty
+> scars & birthmarks: Many scars (Prominent ones include in my eyebrow, lip) and some assorted birthmarks on my arm, hand and BOTTOM.
> hair color: Naturally very dark brown, now a kinda washed out pink with with brown roots.
>

hair style: Was once an undercut, is now a grown out, wavy mess lmao.
> eye color: Green with huge pupils
> glasses: Big ol’ hipster frames lmao
> typical clothing: Skinny jeans or cute leggings, oversized sweater or flannel. T-shirts or tanks in summer with some shorts.
> jewelry: None. Sometimes bracelets and necklaces but not typically.

P E R S O N A L

> current location: NB
> occupation: Professional nerd
> personality type: INFJ
> personality: terrible B)
> family: My fiancée, the cats, my mum, my brother and my dad.

F A V O R I T E

> shows: Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty, Steven Universe and Over the Garden Wall.
> youtuber: Vinesauce if streamers count!
> music: I like a lot of different kinds of stuff tbh.
> animals: Cats, bats, oppossums and moths!
> sounds: cats purring, leaves rustling in the wind, fire crackling, the sound of pages turning, wind whistling on a cold winter night (from inside, of course!)
> smells: old books, mint, autumn leaves, the air just after it rains, when the trees and flowers all start budding and blooming in spring.

A E S T H E T I C S

> Pastel, flowery, delicate feminine things.
> Spooky things/ halloweeny things. Occult symbolism.
> Quiet natural spaces and forests.
> Aliens and space!
> Retro technology/ computers/ computer things from the 90s and early 2000s


A R T . I N F O

> commission info: Here -> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5252219/
> art trades: Sure, why not!
> requests: Nope!
> gifts: Only for friends!

C O N T A C T . I N F O

> skype: Ask please!
> tumblr: Petitgguy.tumblr.com
> twitter: Not using it anymore.

Answer: having a major depressive episode that included a bunch of suicidal ideation and mental breakdowns.

BUT, AFTER TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AND INTENSIVE THERAPY I'M FINALLY AT A LEVEL WHERE I AM *FUNCTIONAL* AGAIN.

I got a prescription for Venlafaxine (aka Effexor) and I haven't been on it for long but HOLY SHIT I FEEL GOOD?

Pros: Know what emotions that aren't "I want to die/ anxious/ sad/ nothing/ tired" feel like
Cons: My pupils are huge, cut back on caffeine because too much caffeine can kill me now, I talk a lot and get really excited sometimes

on top of that, I had a scare involving a potential brain tumor and I had to get an MRI for that. I get to discuss the results on Tuesday but judging by the fact that they haven't yelled at me to get back there ASAP I'm assuming that my brain isn't actually full of tumors.

Anyway, I'm getting back into the swing of art and I hope to post more art here soon. I missed being able to draw <3


PS. MY GF STARTED HER TRANSITION NOW AND SHE'S ON 'MONES AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR HER!!!

I'm looking for stuff to fill my time between a wargaming minature-painting commission (which I can't do too long because the repetitive motion of painting and the fact that I hunch over the model cause muscle strains in my shoulders) so I was wondering if anyone would be up for an art trade?

I'm looking to do some single character flat colour works so if anyone is interested please let me know! <3

My therapist says I should be more active and do tasks that I enjoy (eg. draw, do pixel art and paint minatures and stuff like that) rather than lie there and stare at the ceiling/ blank computer screen like I tend to do when I hit a low so I hope to have more things to post here + on my tumblr soon.

(if you don't know and want to follow, my tumblr is at tiny-soul-tomato.tumblr.com)

sorry if I dropped off the map and basically stopped interacting with y'all, that was dickish of me and I feel like a total jerk for doing that. I hope you can all forgive me and I'm sorry if you got worried at all.

Hopefully this will help and I'll stop being so unstable and low. <3

hope you're all doing ok!

sorry for being so dead and inactive, I have been totally swamped with school and research papers and exams.

I still have two psych article reviews, a self-reflective sociology essay, an art essay and a ten page research paper for criminology left on top of all my finals. RIP KAYLE </3

BUT THAT IS OKAY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, AT LEAST I GOT A RECOMMENDATION FOR AN HONOURS SOCIOLOGY PROGRAM??? THAT MEANS I AM SMARTY-MCSMART SMART ENOUGH BECAUSE WOW YOU CAN NOT GET INTO THEM WITHOUT A PROFESSOR'S RECOMMENDATION AAAAAAAAH! <3<3<3

I did my class selections and got almost all of the classes I wanted this morning. I got into human sexuality when there were ten slots left for second year students! (Also when I registered two speedy petes had gotten slots before me holy shamoly). The one class I didn't get was Inequality in Society because I was missing my pre-rec so I'll try to get that in third year :c

(also I get 2 research methods classes -one for psych and one for sociology because of my double major- and one stats class at 8:30 AM. GROSS.)

ALSO MOST IMPORTANTLY GUESS WHO HAS A TINY VIAL OF TESTOSTERONE AND A BUNCH OF GIANT NEEDLES IN THE BATHROOM HINT IT IS ME

I finally got through to the clinic that mostly deals with LGBTQIA health and the nice doc got me a prescription after my first meeting which is nice and I get my bloodwork done whenever the hospital gets back to me for an appointment. I get to go to the clinic again tomorrow to get debriefed on how to properly use things + get my first dose possibly done? NEAT???



SO BASICALLY EVERYTHING MIGHT BE COMING UP MILHOUSE FOR ME EVEN IF I MIGHT EXPLODE DUE TO SO MUCH WORK AND STRESS. AT LEAST THIS MIXED BAG HAS A FEW SMARTIES IN IT THIS TIME! <3

and dysthymia and anxiety are kicking my ass lmao.

at least I'm on a waiting list for a therapist at school so within the month I should be able to have that going for me.

also the snow has piled up so much in front of the windows that I can't see anything uh oh. I hate winter :P

it was -40 °C today with the windchill what the fuck even is this bullshit
existing outdoors hurts

plz stop nature I am frail

I REALLY WANTED TO GET THAT SLIGHTLY DEPRESSING JOURNAL OFF MY FRONT PAGE

AND I DECIDED TO USE A JOLTIK ICON SO YOU SHOULD LOOK AT IT

Hey guys, I guess I kinda dropped off the face of the planet for a while oops.
My bad.

So uh basically you didn't really miss much. I kind of underwent a series of breakdowns as my depression and anxiety got the better of me and I kind of lived in a fog of sad and loss of motivation to do anything except study/ schoolwork and wallow in my sadness and wonder if I would get better. I mean, there were moments of clarity where things were alright but for the most part I was pretty horrible.

So props to my partner for being the best and supporting me as much as he could!

Basically I think I'm starting to get better? I want to be alive for the first time in a long time and I feel so thankful to have people around me. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I mean I still have moments where I break down and/or get stuck in a rut of sad and despair.

Oh and I've relapsed a few times re: self harm so that went terribly.

BUT I'M KINDA BETTER MAYBE???

I got to the clinic the other day to make sure my lungs weren't fucking up since I keep hacking up phlegm and being generally gross, but it seems to be that my sinuses are the cause. I have medicine and a netipot to use now so we'll see how that goes I guess.

thanks a ton for staying supportive and hangin' around, I promise I'm trying to get more active and get into the swing of drawing more!

expect some art whenever I can crawl out of my tired-hole and be arsed to draw.

so basically yeah I got my student loan and this thing ate a huge chunk out of it but I can do schoolwork and art now so I'm happy about that. Less happy about how stressful starting classes has been, but hey it's not like I haven't powered through this sort of thing before.

if anyone was wondering, my boyfriend's dad's surgery went well, he's 99% cancer-free now but sans a big chunk of his ribs. still, super glad he's doing okay!

Because I'm really sure y'all want one.

So basically I finally moved in with the boyfriend critter. Almost all of my stuff is still in boxes though so that kinda stinks.

Basically when I arrived at my new place it turned out that Arthur hit pretty badly (as in there were approximately 1000-2000 downed trees in the city and at one point a transformer on our street caught fire) and as a result I had no electricity for the first 6 days that I lived in NB. Not to bad, but you learn to miss warm showers a lot!

The power is back though so that's good. My brother and dad came down to visit for a few days too.

Unfortunately though things have been kinda rough. My mental health hasn't been all that great and I've been freaking out because while my student loan should be able to cover the first year (with a pretty decent bursary), I don't see any of it until August and even then, they won't be giving me enough in august to cover all my expenses (books, computer, materials) and my tuition at once so I need to talk to the registrar about getting a payment plan set up (as I should be able to get more money during the months that follow).

also, my boyfriend's dad is currently being tested and treated for serious illnesses (don't want to share too much information about it because i dont know if he wants to divulge personal stuff, but it's bad) so please send some good vibes because we need them and it's really scary.

If I owe you anything please let me know. I can't really get access to a computer before august and I'm on my tablet but I will get to it asap.

Sorry for being inactive guys.

Also I had to nuke my inbox. If there's anything at all you want me to see, be it a comment or some art you're really fond/ proud of just let me know!

so in case you're wondering why I'm so dead, I am gonna be moving out of my parents' place to go to university in a different province and also will be moving in with my boyfriend into a cozy apartment in his parents' place (the house is kinda split into two, so we get the basement apartment!).

I'm moving on the 6th. WOW!

so naturally I've been going a bit nuts and have been packing until I cry from all the stupid packing I'm doing and also I have been a mentally unstable roller coaster of emotions. At least my partner helped me with a lot of the preparation work and packing so I'm not entirely dead!

uh yeah.

once I move in I pretty much won't have a computer until my student loan gets processed so until then I will be pretty inactive artwise. I can still comment and post journals on my tablet, but I won't have access to a scanner or computer. Just a heads up if I owe you anything!

I have a billion things to do for school and my mental health is failing me.

hopefully will post some art when things go better.

until then I am really sorry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxejBUumOlM

you're all beautiful bbys

trubbish is a good pokemon
it is like me: adorable and literal garbage.

I'M GROWING MORE DEAD.

ALSO INTERNATIONAL AGE OF DRINKIES I GUESS?
NOT REALLY BECAUSE I HAVE EARLY CLASSES TOMORROW *WAH WAH WAH WAAAAAH*

but yeah buddies have a nice day please go back to your regularly scheduled day.

I CAME CBACK FROM FREDEREREDERICTON
I LIVE
I FOUND MY DS TOO SO EVERYTHING'S NEAT.

FOR SPRING BREAK
TO HANG WITH MY BOYFRIEND
AND SOME BUDDIES OF MINE

SO BE GOOD OKAY.

DON'T BURN EACH OTHER WHILE I'M GONE.

UNCLE KAYLE LOVES YOU BUNCHES.

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I'M OPENING UP FOR ICONS.
I wanna be able to help a buddy get some medicine because they're feeling really ill, so anything helps.

Icons are $8.00 USD and will get you a full sized image AND a 100 x 100 image that you can use just about anywhere and feel awesome.

Slots are unlimited so if you want them, get them!

Examples:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12230395/ <-- Pixel style (these will have transparent backgrounds)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11512301/ <-- Floaty headshots (that's right they can have text on 'em too!)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12168774/ <-- Another floaty headshot because why not
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/11877589/ <-- Traditional icony style

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5468219/

my buddy Nico is kinda sick right now and it really needs some meds to feel unsick. Meds are expensive as fuck and it's really shitty not to be able to afford them (I've been in that boat before my insurances got fixed up it fuckin' blows).


so you should buy some of it's art so that way it can get medicine and be unsick and YOU GET SOME REALLY NEAT ARTWORK so you know it's a pretty good deal!

so in case y'all weren't aware some shit has been going down that I don't particularly agree with. I've seen nasty, vile, mean spirited and cruel things said that, quite frankly, make me really uncomfortable.

As such I will probably be more active on Weasyl for a while. I can't really stand the shitstorm that's going on, it's making me feel kinda sick and gross and sad and really isn't helping me with my anxiety.

I'm not leaving entirely, I just want to avoid a lot of the nastiness that's going on atm.

I'll still post art and respond to your comments, but please don't drag me into this.

For those who want to contact me more easily, I'm more active on weasyl at
https://www.weasyl.com/~scolipede

or on tumblr at
http://dumbjerkontheinternet.tumblr.com/
(you may need an account to send me asks, as I have anon comments turned off)

So I'll be heading out of town for a while as I'm visiting my boyfriend in another province. As such I'll be sitting in a bus for approximately 8-10 hours.

SO WHAT I WANT ARE THINGS TO DOODLE ON THE BUS.

YES POST ME SOME (CLEAN) REFS IN THE COMMENTS AND BEFORE I LEAVE I'LL LOAD THEM UP ON MY TABLET AND ATTEMPT TO MAKE SOME ART ON THE BUS.

I'll scan whatever is worth scanning when I get home from the trip.

Hope y'all have an awesome time whilst I'm gone, be good to each other and play nice!