I had a freaking awesome dream last night!!!

So so so so so- AHH! It was sooo cool! It was like a really adorable cool fighting game like street fighter or something but in a really 8bit retro style and it was a roster of characters but but!!! They were me and all my friends as babyfurs! There was me and Emile and Ink and Rei oh oh and! I had a super-move and it was me putting on a dinosaur onesie and rawring and an army of dino plushies stampeded on the other player! (Sorry ink x.x)

It was soooo cool! Like all the moves were cute and babyish, like one was throwing baby bottles and pacifiers at the other player and another was wrapping them in a blankie and gaaahh x.x it was soooo cool!

Oh oh and there were different costumes that we had and mine were like my normal cloths and a red lantern costume and a teenage-ace costume and emile had a dragon hoodie and ink had an absol (pokemon) costume and rei had her different sonas as hers and it was adorable and cute and i want it for reeaal >~< oh and i had a tutu... Lets not talk about that >///>

I wanna make that a real game now ;~;

Is it too early to be making a Christmas List...? There stuff i want and like really want but i dunno why i just made a list and bleeeeeh .3.

So seeing how i'm going to comicon and cosplaying of course i'm spending money .3. and i may have accidentally spent money i don't exactly... have... Yeeeaa... I'mma stoopid bun.

I went to check how much my ebay cart would cost and accidentally placed the order without noticing and i need a lil munz to pay the money i owe ;~;

so anyone want a commission...?

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7812520/ lookit .3. wear dumb an gain

So yesterday was a pretty normal day for me, i knew it was my nan's birthday and i took a day off the internet and it was pretty normal. I didn't really cry or anything.

But today it hit me hard...

I realized that yesterday was 9/11 and then realized in English class while writing the date "oh hey, my Nan shares her birthday with my friend Immy and 9/11"

...

I started to cry... I couldn't stop... It suddenly hit me that it was my DEAD NAN'S BIRTHDAY yesterday!

So I sat out and didn't do much work... I then proceeded to, after the lessen, bawl my eyes out in the bathroom...

Then after break i went to my biology class, and today I've been feeling super tired because i couldn't sleep last night. When i'm tired i lay my head on my arms on the desk, and my teacher came over and jokingly (he's an awesome guy, no harm was meant) bopped me on the head with my workbook. I just looked up at him and... I started crying again... I ran out of the class and went to Student Support (a support area for student's with learning disabilities) and when i got there Mrs Luten took me into a different room and talked with me and I explained all of it and that i couldn't even remember when she died or that it was her birthday and i was so angry with myself because i never remember anything! She said it would be best to talk to my mum about the whole thing and gave me a cup of tea... Heh... I like tea...

So all day i was on the verge of tears and even writing this i had to stop again because i started to cry and i'm sorry guys... I just felt that i should write this down incase i forget... I always forget the bad days i have... and the good ones...

Sorry if i'm not online for a while... Its my Nanny's birthday today (grandma) and she died from cancer quite a while ago... I miss her a lot, and i think that i will just try and stay away from people for a little while... sorry guys

So... I came upstairs to go to bed as, as usual, my brother had left his stuff strewn all across the room. So like i always do, i kicked it back to his area. He started having a go at me for it and i said that if he didn't leave his crap everywhere maybe I wouldn't kick it and that its every day that i come in and his stuff is all over the floor, usually his underwear and socks. So we argue and he keeps acting like i'm the bad guy by telling me to be quiet because our sister is asleep and then mum comes up and has a go at ME because i was being too loud. I try and explain my side of the story and she quite literally says 'I don't care!'. She always does this, she's always on his side. She doesn't CARE that i got upset and that he leaves his DIRTY UNDERWEAR all over the floor every day. She doesn't CARE that he doesn't respect me and my belonging. She doesn't CARE that my emotional state is so fucking low that i have breakdowns over the tinniest of things and that I don't tell her because all she'll say is that its my fault and that she has always said she'll get me therapy but she never did or will because apparently we can't afford it but we can afford everything that my sister needs because she has down syndrome and thats more important than my emotional state and my side of the story and apparently we can afford all of tge little toys and all of the dvds and all of the special made stuff for my little sister but we can't afford ONE FUCKING THERAPY SESSION FOR HER MIDDLE CHILD WHO IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO DO HIS BEST AND NOT CRY ALL THE TIME AND BE SOMETHING HE'S NOT! She doesn't even FUCKING CARE that I was crying afterwards, no fucking wonder i think she doesn't love me when she does shit like that! I have to hold in tears so much because if i do cry then she'll just get more annoyed with me because i'm being loud. And she wonders why i have mental health issues and emotional problems. OH WAIT! NO SHE DOESN'T! Because she doesn't ever FUCKING NOTICE let alone give a damn when i'm upset! I go day by day just trying to be happy and yes i be happy, real happiness and everything. I don't have depression or anything but at least once a day i will want to just curl up in a corner and cry because I can't do it any time of day. I just fucking teared up while wring this, a lot of people will probably think that i'm bullshitting and just want attention and that i'm just another kid on the internet complaining about first world problems and sure you can think that. I couldn't give a rat's ass.

Sooo I might be going to London Comicon .3.

a few of my freinds are going and we're all dressing as Studio Gibly characters (Totoro, Laputa, Ponyo etc) and me and my girlfriend might go as Chiciro and Haku from Spirited Away or Patsu and Sheeta from Laputa xP

So anyone else attending? Would love to see ya

I forgot to draw something today... and i'm to tired right now >.<

I worked today and i was super tired and forgot sorry :c

I streamed for an hour and a half and nobody, not one person, showed up... I posted it here, i did. I drew stuff, i even had facecam because i was feeling brave and happy and really pumped to stream...

I guess that having 146 watchers doesn't mean that 1 will show up to watch me...

thanks a lot guys.

EDIT: This is referring to the people that watch me that arent my friends because i know that they would view it if they could

So I'm gunna start trying to get one piece of art done with my drawing Tablet every day. This is so i can finally get better at art, but the quality will differ with each peice. This new plan starts this this piece that I did today for my Daddy:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20991510/

Sooo i've gotten more comfortable with my drawing tablet and i'm going to do a little animation to show off :P hopefully it'll be good. It worn't be smooth or anything, its just something i wanna work on!

So expect that guys, this is a big project for me!

I really really really want megazords from different power rangers series by they're all so expensive and i want them soooo badly! i've found a cheap enough mighty morphing megazord but what i really REALLY want is all the different zords from WildForce! Because thats the one i watched the most as a child and absolutely loved sooo much and I had all of the toys from that series but MY MUM SOLD THEM ALL YEARS AGO!!! *crys*

I want my toys back T~T whiney baby is whiney...

Like seriously though, I want my toys back so badly... Some of the only happy memories from my childhood are with my megazords and power rangers toys... I had this White Ranger costume that i wore pretty much all the time and I remember waking up in the middle of the night all the time or staying up just to bring all my megazords into my bed and play with them... Sadly i was always a little to loud ^^' hehe i got caught a lot. Or another memory is at my nan's house in London behind the sofa there is probably over 100 power rangers DVR cesset tapes of all the different season and movies. I grew up with power rangers and honestly i have very fond memories of when i was around 10 i think of when Power Rangers Samurai first started and my family all telling me to grow up and i was too old to watch that and things along those lines and I remember how distraught i was because i didn't WANT to stop watching it but i was forced too... And now I still love it but I don't have anything left to put my love into... All my memories were in those toys and I just want them back... I want to have my happy memories again... Like the time my nan came to where i live for a day and stayed in a little hotel and we were gunna go see her there but I wouldn't leave the house without my LightSpeed Rescue megazord so after ages we left and i took it with me and spent the whole time talking to my nan about the power rangers and showing her how all the toys fitted together and stuff... I doubt she actually cared but I remember accidentally leaving it in a draw at the hotel and the next day going back to see my nan and finding it there and i was so happy...

Look, I know its a lot to ask and I doubt anyone is gunna actually read this journal or anything but... If anyone has any megazords that they found online for cheap or are willing to send me or sell to me i'd be really REALLY happy and i don't have much money but i have some and I've been finding it really hard to be little lately because its been feeling... wrong? I dunno, but watching power rangers has really helped me feel small...

I think everyone has that thing that makes them feel Little, for some its plushie and for others its tv shows but for me its always gunna be Power Rangers i think... I'm sorry if I've wasted anyone's time writing this journal... But thankyou anyways...

I'm going to go lay down in silence for a while, i got myself kind of upset and teary-eyed writing this... Sorry

Anyone know a good place to order custom plushies that can easily be shipped to the UK? I would go to Kokimomo, my big bwo but he can't ship it to me easily.

I wanted to get a plush of the Megazord from MIghty Morphin Power Rangers because i think that'd be super cute

preferably not too expensive too .3.

For some reason I remember having a Megazord plushie when i was a kid but i can't find one anywhere >~<

Thankyou all who replied to my journal and tried to help i'm feeling a lot better. Now, i'm not changing my minecraft username because i can't imagine myself without the name ShyTye, its like i said an extension of myself. So i'm resorting to deleting my tumblr and not uploading pictures of myself to FA anymore. I doubt anyone will know this account is the same as my youtube.

Again guys thankyou, i love you all

So, i doubt many people know this but i have a youtube channel and make gaming videos. I'm very proud of my videos and work over on that channel. But, I use the name 'ShyTye' everywhere. The channel is called BeastBunnyGaming but my minecraft account (yes i make minecraft videos, laugh it up.) is called ShyTye. Heres the problem, i;m afraid that someone that i hate and has been making 'parody' videos taking the piss out of me is going to one day find this account on FA and my tumblr account, both named ShyTye. Here i draw diapers and ageplay stuff, on my tumblr i upload photos of myself being cute in babyish clothing... Theres the problem though. If he finds any of these pictures he could ruin my life as he is in my school and the same age as me. He could easily show anyone he wanted.

Now here's where i need help...

I'm contemplating deleting my tumblr. I wont delete this FA account because... I have friends here and I don't want to lose them. Sure i could make a different account but it wouldn't feel right, this name 'ShyTye' is an extension of myself, its who i really am. I need opinions, should i delete my tumblr? You can find a link to it in my contact information on my userpage. I don't really want to delete my tumblr because its a place where i can express who i truly am. I already removed a lot of content from there because of the reasons stated before and my anxiety getting the better of me... I've also removed pretty much all pictures of myself from my scraps on FA.

So guys please help, i know that pretty much nobody will ever see this journal but i really just need help right now...

So i have a horrible cold and i feel sick :c can't go into school today but i really hope i'm better for this evening because its the last ever session of youth club today and i'll be really upset if i miss it cause i'm sick T~T currently laying in bed coughing my guts out, it hurts a lot >~<

Why did i spend 5 hourse playing pokemon go yesterday ;~; why must i be so susceptible to colds!

I said it before and i even just uploaded a thing saying it but commissions are open and have been for a while ^^'

Truthfully I want to get some money together to start making my Halloween costume (ITS NEVER TOO EARLY SHHHHHHHHH)

I wanna either go as a Nekojin (human with cat ears and tail and stuff) Dex Starr, the Red Lantern I drew or a couples costume with my girlfriend where she is a witch (a pretty one, not an ugly one!) and I'm her black kitty cat ^3^

So yea if you guys could take a look that would be great as I finally finished all my MOC exams and will have a lot more time to do art!

So, today at work we went on a Bug hunt with the kids at a river near the youth centre and of course I couldn't help but get really excited and happy about it ^///^ i love bugs!

We found a ton of buggies and we even saw ducks and fishies too! It was really fun and stuff and i was very happy

But afterwards on the way home my mum and our coworker were talking (we were giving him a ride home) and they talked about relationships. They started saying that a healthy, loving relationship is built on trust...

Of course this got to me. I've told my girlfriend about my Little side before but I'm sure she doesn't accept it...

When we were in London for my birthday we were watching TV and an advert came on for some weird game show or something and it had a woman dressed like a giant baby. I laughed along with my girlfriend at the sight and afterwards she said 'did you know there are some people who live like that and 'get off' to it?'

Yes, I do know. I'm friends with people like that and am partially like that myself (not the 'getting off' part, ew no)

Back to my point. So I feel like I don't trust my girlfriend because I don't want to tell her about my Little side again... And I don't ever want her to know about my girly stuff (she knows my favourite colour is pink and i love plushies and cute stuff and general girly stuff but not dresses or stuff made for little girls)

Do we not have a good relationship because I don't trust her with my secrets...?

I'm sorry about this rant, I'm just a bit downhearted after thats... Imma go surrounded myself with plushies and hide .-.

.~. Yea. I got my first even exam today, it's Biology. I've been revising and studying but i'm super nervous and scared because of my dyslexia i read stuff wrong and get stuff completely wrong and can't spell and geeehhhhh help meeeee >~>

Ok maybe don't .~.

So i've been feeling horrible all day, i don't know if its because i didn't sleep much last night or just exam anxiety and stuff all piling up but i've had anxiety pains in my side all day and i've been feeling pretty sick :c

And to top it off Daddy is sick too :c so we're a sicky little bunny and a sicky laughy-doggie >~<

I'm still looking for that shirt if anyone could help: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7605700/

And I still have Tumblr if anyone wants to see me trying to be cute!: http://shytye-the-bunbun.tumblr.com/

So um... I bought some adorable pink and white stripey knee socks to wear when i wanna be girly but well i want a stripy tshirt to match them. They're baby pink and white but I can't seem to find a tshirt that matches ANYWHERE!

Can someone help me out here? I really want one but can't find one myself :c I just wanna know where to buy one >~<

Well that was... Interesting. Welcome back everyone!