I have a big mouth. I often talk, and I often talk a lot. And sometimes, my big mouth gets me in trouble. I had a conversation with a person very dear to me and I said something that upset them greatly. I didn't mean it in a mean way, I didn't mean to upset them, but I did. I didn't think about what I was saying and it had repercussions. I am a huge psychology buff, and I often times am able to foresee and react to a situation, to be able to avoid any mistakes, but none of that helps if you don't watch out for what you say, So now I hate myself and I curse my big mouth, This is the one person I cannot bear to see unhappy and it hurts a lot to know that I am the cause of it. I can't get it out of my mind when it happens, thankfully it happens rarely, and now I'm stuck feeling as miserable as the person I upset. On one had I know it shouldn't be like this and that I should just wait it out and it will right itself, and I know that I won't be able to do anything about it right now, but it still hurts quite a bit. It reminds me of a quote I read a while back, from someone I cannot remember. Roughly, it says that everyone will hurt you throughout your life. Everyone. Even the one's you like. And the truly important thing is to figure out which people are worth suffering for. And I am 120% concrete on the idea that I would go through hell and high water for this person. This is a person I hold dearer than life itself and someone that I would endure an eternity of misery for just to see them smile. So I have to wait. I have to wait out the time and hope that they don't think I do such things purposefully, or to hurt them. I am pining, I really am. but I know for a fact that I could and would go through a lot more for this person. Life is just...mean like that sometimes. I guess I am just meant to be n my toes sometimes. At least I learned my lesson. I know where not to tread. Humans are difficult, and when you are not very good at feeling the correct emotions at the correct times it is even harder, so its difficult when you suddenly must/want to/need to.

Sooo...I don't even know where to start... I have a lot of thoughts in my mind and nowhere to put them really. That means that this journal will be very discombobulated. But I would like to start with the fact that you're the coolest, nerdiest and most interesting person I know. You have crazy interests and I am always surprised by the stuff you like and do. I am grateful that you are ever so accepting of my dorky awkwardness and weird way of showing emotion. (I am not used to it, that part of my brain gets no exercise.) I admire your capacity for affection after all the terrible things and people you have had to experience more than you can imagine. I enjoy the time I spend with you very, very much and I always have fun doing things with you, I love your nerdy selection of movies and your Pokemon cards, I feel all bubbly inside when you and I have any kind of contact, I don't think art-club would be half as fun without you, and I had so much fun hanging out with you last time, even though every person involved was dying for some reason or another. I can't even attempt to describe what was going on with my head when we were just lying together snuggling to a movie (you better appreciate that word, I do not use it often, i.e. never) and I was sad to have to leave. I have never been happier hugging anything or anyone in my life and I can honestly say that you are the first person that I have sincerely enjoyed hugging. Finally, I would like to say thank you, just as you have thanked me, for being there and making me feel better when I was down, and giving me support when I am angry at something stupid. I want to thank you for sharing in my amusement, my terror, my admiration, my annoyance and all my emotions with a steadfast reliability and I can count on you to make me feel a lot better. You are such a cool person and the fact that I can write this much about you and my feelings for you, but still am too terribly awkward and shy to send it directly to you or even say it out loud, shows a great deal about how incredibly courageous I am...Anyways, I think my point is that I really enjoy being around you and I am amused at everything you do and say and I appreciate those things so much.

P.S. I am burning to know what you want to ask me!

Sincerely yours,
A goofy Admirer.

Because, much like you, I am a weirdo and can't send this over an instiant messaging service, I decided to follow your example and journal this: I was incredibly touched by your message and I am very, very, very glad that I met you. You are one of my only friends (not complaining, I like it that way), and the only person I spend time with outside of school or the bus. I am always surprised at how much I enjoy talking to you and spending time with you, be it Magic, video games, 3 hour car-rides, or just weird conversations at school and at lunch, I am indescribably happy to know you, be friends with you, and to even deserve so much of your attention. I am taken aback by the fact that you like my art as much as you do and I can't even begin to describe the feelings I feel when I think of the fact that you look up to me for my artistic skill. Your message was one of the only presents I got for christmas (fuck off, I'm not capitalizing christmas, autocorrect.), but it was the greatest gift and most heart warming sentiment I could have imagined. I am very, very fond of you and everything you do; you mean much to me and you are one of, if not the greatest person I have ever known. I am persistently amazed at your geeky, nerdy, dorky knowledge, your ability to catch my references, and the level of sarcasm that rivals even mine. You have made my move here and my stay at school easier than you can imagine and I appreciate everything you do for me. By now you are probably bored by the intimidating block of text I have constructed here, so I will continue regardless: just kidding, I'll wrap this up...My point is that it is hard to summarize my feelings and sentiments, but I would like you to know nonetheless, that you are an incredible and amazing person, you have made a massive impression on me and my life and that I enjoy every second I spend with you, regardless of how cheesy, or dorky, or dumb this sounds, coming from someone who is probably the most sarcastic ass you will ever know. I hope this little PSA will mean as much to you as yours has meant to me and that I have made my point sufficiently clear; Just because I am bad at talking about my own feelings in person, does not mean I do not have those feelings. Anyways, this ans my weird Shane pr0n is my gift to you for christmas, and I hope you enjoy it!

Your goofy, dorky, sarcastic, satanist, furry, brony, compatriot....Thing!
Cheers :]