I have taken hundreds and hundreds of photos from the cockpit. I didn't realize quite how many until the last few days when I've set myself the task of sorting and archiving them. In an effort to rejuvenate this account a bit, I'm going to try and upload a few here and there. I can't promise anything spectacular, but hopefully someone enjoys a different perspective than a lot of people get. These photos encompass every stage of my career, from being a student pilot to an instructor, to working for the airlines and a charter operator. I'll try and provide as much context as I can as well, but I can't promise I'll remember where every one was taken. And obviously as a disclaimer here, *ahem* "All photos were taken in accordance with applicable regulations and while outside the sterile environment. I take the safety of my crew and my passengers very seriously and would never cause distraction to detract from the safety of flight." Etc.

Not really, but it seemed like a good title.

First journal in 8 years, huh? Man oh man oh man, how different a life can be 8 years in the future. If you had told that drunk, snot-nosed little shit 8 years ago that he'd see the end and rebirth of his career, his friends scatter to the winds, see 2 grandparents die, land his dream job, buy a house, and suffer the agony of his family being torn apart, he probably would have given you the finger, told you to fuck off, and taken another drink. Those last 3 things happened just this year.

So what's happened in those intervening years between that last journal and this one? Four months after I posted that I made the biggest mistake of my life, and watched a career I had dreamed about and worked so hard towards fall through my fingers. I worked a dead-end job for a couple years, and I hated my life. I mean well and truly hated it. I felt like I had no future and nowhere to go; if you've ever felt that way, you know how soul-crushing it is. Finally I hated my life so much I decided I had to do something about it. So I got sober in 2017, and worked immensely hard the next 2 years to get my life on track. In 2019 I got back into the industry I loved. It wasn't a job that I hadn't wanted in the past, but this time I knew I had to take it. I worked my ass of at that job, and finally, just this year, after applying and applying and applying, I got the job I've always wanted, and it's every bit as great as I hoped it would be.

Between then and now, a lot of my friends moved away. I try and talk to them when I can, but it's never quite the same as being able to roll over to a house and have everyone be there. I watched the furry community in AZ fracture. It has always been a scattered affair, but now it seems even moreso. I don't think it's anyone's fault, that's just the way it is here. Or maybe that's just my perception. There are still great people here, it's just hard to get everyone together anymore. My previous work schedule and FUCKING COVID (don't get me started) didn't help that any.

With the new job came new income, and in traditional style I bought a house in the worst housing economy the US has ever seen. Oh well, I'm not in it to make money. I had the immense fortune to live with my best friend for the last 10 years. Actually fuck that, it was my great privilege to live with someone I respect immensely, and love like a brother. However I couldn't stay forever (it's a wild story though, for those of you that know it) and it's a dream to own my own home. I'm still unpacking, but things are mostly settled.

The last part is none of y'all's business, and I only mention it to give a sense of the huge changes that have happened over the last 8 years. It's been a crazy-ass ride that's for sure. Some of the wounds have healed nicely over the years, and some never will. That's just the way it goes, isn't it?

The purpose of this isn't to complain. Just the opposite in fact! Aside from my family issues, life is almost as good as it has ever been. As long as I don't fuck it up. That said, I want to try writing again. It's been so, so long. To that end, I wouldn't mind trying to roleplay again in a long text format. Humility aside, I used to be pretty good at it. That was then, and this is now. The old haunts are gone, all of them it seems, and I don't know where to turn. If anyone reads this, and bothers to comment, if you've found a place to play and be yourselves in a text format let me know! Or if you want to start something with me privately, either through e-mail or messages, let me know. I'm open to ideas. My schedule is a mix of insane and boring in 2 week stretches so I can't promise updates when I'm on rotation, but outside of that I have 2 weeks of free time as well.

So, your tl;dr: drunk, sober, dream job, hey bb do you rp?

Thank you, goodnight.

Something for scraps soon. Haven't really had any creative writing thoughts recently. There is, however, an image I can't seem to get out of my had, so a short piece is slowly taking shape.

As for Christmas, it was chaotic as usual, but in a good way. It's always nice to go home and see family, at least for me. I've always held mine in high regard, and holidays are pretty much the only time I get to see them all anymore. I'm really not sure who all is going to still be around next year.

Speaking of next year.....really? Already? Seems lime i had just grown accustomed to dating all my paperwork with 2013. The year seemed really short for some reason, which is fine, I'm glad it's over. The last quarter of this year has sucked for various reasons, none of which merit lamenting here.

Nothing on the books for January and February. March brings it's annual trip to Las Vegas for the NASCAR race, which for the past couple years has been a total riot. Then in May is Elliott's Spring Gathering, also in Vegas. Really, really looking forward to that. Then in June things are probably going to go off the rails. I'll be joining my parents on a cruise to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary to locations that will be detailed later. Also around this time I hope to quit my job and move to the airlines. Everything after June 1 is a total crap shoot.

New Year's resolutions? Nah, what the hell for? I'm not in the habit of making promises, even to myself, that I know I'll not be able to keep. Looking forward to 2014; if nothing else it's going to be an interesting one. Though when your idea of hanging out with friends on a normal weekend is dressing as an over-sized dog and having a bit too much to drink, how could it not be?

A new journal? What madness is this? Madness of a sort only brought about by a long absence, that's what. A lot has happened, but little has changed. Not that I'm complaining. It's change that's prompting me to create this journal in the first place.

A thought has been swirling around in my mind for the last few days and has been there off and on for the last few years, though I've entertained it little and dismissed it almost immediately. Yet over the last few days a bit of introspection has caused me to think about it a bit more than I normally would have.

Silverclaw is dead...Or at least on his way to retirement.

Silverclaw was created over a decade ago, and has been my online character ever since, with minor shifting to other characters briefly. He started life as a feral creature, before I even knew what furry was. He had a pack at a place called Wild Wolf River, back when EZboard was in its heyday, and there he lived relatively peacefully until the board became inactive and was left to fade into obscurity. From there he moved to a place called Ravenwood, shortly before a massive virus wiped the place out and we had to start anew as Long Shadows. There he met many wonderful creatures and struck up strong friendships with some of them. Yet as with many things, people grew up and moved on, and Long Shadows also faded away.

Silver too changed. He evolved and began to walk upright, and found interests of a more prurient nature at Furry to Furry. Then one day all that abruptly ended as well, and despite a short resurgence several months ago, he has faded until he is no more than a name I use to identify myself with. All the people that played the characters in the cast of his life have moved on or lost interest.

He was created a long time ago, back when I needed an outlet for my boredom, and later my teen angst. I don't need that outlet anymore, and I haven't taken my anger or sorrow out on poor Silver in years. He was created at a different time and by a different person than who bears that name now. As I said all the ones who he hung around with have all moved on. None of my current friends have ever interacted with Silverclaw as a character in a fantasy online world. They only know him as me, and I'm not who I once was.

Yet there's a huge part of me that doesn't want to let him go. He grew up as I grew up, evolved as I did and I learned things from his interactions with others that have proven invaluable over the years. His experiences have shaped mine, and prevented me from doing things outside the fantasy that would have caused real harm. If I do decide to put him out of my life, I wonder if it would feel like a part of me is missing.

Where would I go though? I have no idea. Not yet.

Not to mention the fact that there's no way I could get people to stop calling me by that name. Really though, 10 plus years is a good age for a canid.

Five months since the last one? Huh, seems about my usual pace for journals I suppose. So since things have changed and I'm tired of looking at my old entry, a short but well-rounded update.

1. New digs.
2. Same job.
3. Same car.
4. Near-weekly desert shenanigans
5. Old Chicago is dead...long live OC. Once again others have ruined it for the rest of us.
6. Life's good, my friends rule, family is still the most important thing.

Oh yeah...almost forgot. Fuck Valentine's Day.

This is my first journal in quite awhile. Come to think of it, this is my first post of any kind in awhile. I figured I’d post something to let all of you who bother to read this that I am in fact still alive. So, a cavil on what’s been going on the last few months.

Work is good. Started out a bit slow, but things have picked up. I love my job, though some days it’s hard to see why: usually around 5am when my alarm goes off. About halfway through the first flight things are better, even if the student is driving me crazy. The day goes by, and when I get home I’m exhausted, but happy.

I didn’t realize how much I liked my job until the past week. The majority of my students are off on solo flights or working with other instructors, so my billable hours have been greatly reduced. I usually bill more hours in one day than I have in the past 4 combined. This has left me a lot of time to sit around and be bored. Those who know me well know I hate few things more than being bored.

In other news, I’m moving out of my apartment and moving in with  bigcatguy This place has been my home for 2 years now, and I am going to miss it. However, I’m really looking forward to living with Vaska. It will be my first time living with another fur, and I’m really excited!

Some of my closer friends have expressed concern over some of my recent tweets regarding some things I’ve been going through. Allow me to allay your fears.

I’m fine.

It really means a lot that those of you who asked about it did so. One can always tell good friends by such things.

Everything I’ve been going through I put myself through. They’re self-induced situations that perhaps got out of control. Nothing serious; nothing dangerous.

I was thinking about it the other day, and I came to a somewhat strange realization. As much as it hurts…makes me want to scream, to cry, to break things…I think deep down there’s a small part of me that likes it.

In my opinion, it’s these little pains, these moments of anger and hurt that make life truly interesting. Being happy is great! Most of the time I am. I wonder, though, if there isn’t a small part of me that gets bored being happy all the time. I wonder if I don’t put myself through these things just for a change, and when it’s over I go back to being happy. Maybe I even appreciate that joy just that little bit more.

Or maybe not. Idle musings: The strange introversion th happens at 5am in the shower. That’s where ll the best thinking happens you know.

So to sum up…new digs come October, and once again and as usual life’s good! I can’t wait until my brother  desertyote gets back to his usual self and we can resume our usual shenanigans. It’s hard not having your beer drinking buddy around.

So until next time (whenever that may be,) remember: “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore guard accordingly.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Kart Klips Volume 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o063.....b2FAAAAAAAAAAA

Edited by a rather talented individual  kartfox

We...erm...yeah. Just watch it! You'll laugh, I promise!

Well, I passed my checkride this morning and am now officially a flight instructor! The ride itself really wasn't too bad; it certainly wasn't like any of the horror stories I've heard. The work up to the ride though was rough. The next step is to get what's called a CFI-I, which is a certified flight instructor instrument. Basically it means I can teach people who want to get an instrument rating. So a couple days off, then hit it again Monday. At least the II rating isn't nearly as long as the CFI initial is.

Good stuff! I'm very tired, and very, very happy and relieved. It's been really a long road, and the end is now in sight!

Some people are Scrooges on Christmas. Some people are Scrooges on their birthday. As for me….I FUCKING HATE VALENTINE’S DAY! There is nothing good about it. Not a goddamn thing.

Never have I had anything good happen on Feb. 14. After a two plus year relationship, as I presented roses and chocolates, I was broken up with; of course, she kept the chocolates and flowers and vase. Another time, my girlfriend’s father (a police officer, no less) got home earlier than expected and damn near walked in on us doing you know what.

So, Valentine’s day: What a crock of shit. “Buy us stuff! Chocolates and flowers show that you love us!” Yes, we want you to get fat and diabetic and prick yourselves and bleed all over. We want to give Hallmark our money on a piece of cardboard and ink that costs more than 5 gallons of gas. We want to demonstrate our love to you through material possessions that will rot, mold, melt, and get thrown away. Fuck off. I have often been known as a bitter or cold person, and this is the one day a year that brings out both.

So…Valentine’s Day. Kindly fuck off until tomorrow.

"My heart is just to dark to care....I can't destroy what isn't there." ~Corey Taylor; Slipknot; "Snuff"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rtKcZWDrGA

Myself and  KartFox

Was our first adventure with a green screen. The lighting is a bit off, but for a first time it's looks really good; Kart did an amazing editing job and put a lot of work into it. I just sat and drank beer.

I saw a couple other friends do one of these, so I'll jump on the bandwagon.

This year, I:

Got my instrument rating, and my commercial multi- and single-engine certificates.

Went to the Barrett-Jackson Auto Auction for the first time, which is something I'd been wanting to do for years. Can't wait to go again in January!

Went to France, Germany, Belgium, and Luxembourg in honor of my grandfather.

Became more of a furry than I thought was possible (damn you  KartFox it's all your fault!)

In regards to the previous item, I got a fursuit! I wish I had done so sooner.

Met more people and made more friends than I've ever had in one place before.

Had the first real friend I made down here move away

Partied really hard on several occasions, none of which will be more infamous in the coming years than the "Cow Party"

Seems like a slow year but trust me...it really wasn't. This last year has been one of the best of my life, and was every bit as good as 2010 was.

Next Year:
I don't even really know what to put here. I really am just going to do what I always do: Put one foot in front of the other and treat every day as a new opportunity. It's worked for years, don't see why I should change that.

That being said, there are a couple things I'd like to do:

Finish all three flight instructor certificates (almost done with the first!)

HIKE MORE!

Go to a con. We'll see about that.

Take a roadtrip. Somewhere. Anywhere! I love road trips; again, not sure if I'll be able to take time for it

Fursuit more! Once or twice a week isn't enough! XD

Drink less. Or not.

Eat better! This one is slowing coming around, but it's coming.

Meet more people!

Go to more furry events!


Doesn't seem like much...but like I said. One foot in front of the other.

Check out this competition thingy my friend  thedesertfox is putting on.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2983469/

That's me in Dusty being...well...me, really. Best caption wins a free sketch from him! Plus if I'm honest I'm curious to see what y'all come up with.

Some of the AZ Furs got together last night for bowling and shenanigans! I didn't bowl; I'm terrible at it out of suit, and in suit I'm sure I'd be even worse. No matter though, I had a great time running around being a big furry goofball, and the afterparty was excellent!

Both  skrugg and  thedesertfox, two brilliant photographers whom I have the privilege of knowing and associating with have posted their photos of the event which can be seen

here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/709153.....7628265861953/

and here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/681829.....7628264141019/

I'm looking forward to the next one!

Got my commercial multi-engine rating today! Was a long time coming, and I'm ecstatic! So much so that after this drink I'm going to take a nap. Up next, commercial single-engine add-on.

Passed my instrument rating checkride this morning. HOooooooly crap am I glad to have this one done. It was starting to feel like I was beating my head against the wall and getting nowhere.

Up next: Commercial multi-engine. I'm really looking forward to this one.

Thought I'd give a nice counter to all the lovey-dovey crap going around.

Fuck Valentine's Day.

That's right, fuck it. There is no better excuse than to buy dead things and fatty foods than Valentine's day. At least during Christmas you may get something useful as a present, and if you're lucky you get to see all your family. Valentine's Day is a day where you say to your significant other, I love you a lot, and to show you I will give you dead plants and food that will make you fat and rot your teeth. Don't eat too much, or you'll get diabetes.

Not to mention that it rubs the noses of single people into just how lonely they really are, sitting at home by themselves eating shitty food because it's not worth going out and having their fair share of alcohol to drown themselves in the darkness.

Bitter, you say? Fuck you, you have no idea. Ever since Valentine's Day actually MEANT something, it's been shitty. Every single year; and I'm NOT talking about handing out candy at school or whatever. That was more about candy than anything else.

Only thing good about Valentines Day is it's only for one day. That and I know that I'm not the only scrooge.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3401813/ Thanks, Kida. It's the truth, and why my PS3 has been on all day rather than some TV garbage.

Fuck Saint Valentine and his fucking day.

I passed my private pilot checkride today...I am now officially a pilot!!!!!!!
Hard to believe it only took 4 months...to the day actually; I started training August 9. Whelp, now that's over with...on it instrument rating!

Been quite awhile, probably time for an update. Well since my last journal I have relocated, and now reside in Phoenix, AZ. I'm down here learning how to fly. I just soloed the other day for the first time, which was an incredible experience that I'd been working very hard towards.

Every day is a new adventure and it keeps me busy, which is a good thing. I love it down here; the weather's so nice!

Despite all that's been happening it can really all be shortened to those two things.

Yep. :)

A year later than expected, but still did it.

The following is a true story, because I said so.

Once upon a time, Randy and Mitchell were smoking pot in the back parking lot of the Apple company place.
“Duuuude,” Randy said.
“Duuuuude,” Mitchell replied.
“Duude, I wish we had more weed,” Randy complained.
“I know dude, but we don’t get paid till next Friday,” Mitchell said.
“I know brah. Dude we need to come up with something that’ll make us a lot of money dude.”
Mitchell giggled. “I know bro, but what?”
Just then Mitchell’s iPhone rang. “Dude..dude…I’m so stoned I can’t even read my phone. I wish this was bigger.”
Randy and Mitchell stared at each other. “DUUUUUUDDEEE!!!” they both exclaimed at the same time.
They finished their joint and rushed back inside to the product engineering department where they worked.
“Check it out everybody; we just came up with the best idea ever. Into the meeting room!”
“Alright brahs and chicks, check this out,” Bob, or Randy, or whatever the hell I’ve arbitrarily named him, said. “Let’s make a big iPod, but not call it an iPod.”
Silence.
“What will it do?” Martha asked.
Mitchell giggled. “Nothing the iPod doesn’t already do.”
“Will it run Mac OS?”
Randall shook his head. “Too complicated to think about. We’ll just use iPhone OS.”
“What will we call it?” Bill asked.
Randall snerked. “The iPad.”
“That sounds like a digital tampon,” Wendy said.
“That doesn’t matter. People will buy anything,” retorted Kevin.
“This is brilliant guys. You’ve introduced a new product idea that doesn’t do anything new, but that we can charge a shitload of money for. Best of all, we can release three different models based on memory size and really wring the dough out of people. Not to mention that since it has that stupid apple logo on it, people will buy it up because it’s uber cool, even though it doesn’t do anything new or exciting.” The voice was Steve Jobs, who for whatever reason had happened by the product engineering department and saw they were all in a meeting. “You two are getting a promotion!”
“Alright!!!!” Mitchell and Randy high-fived.
“Oh guys,” Steve said as they filed out. “Next time you go smoke weed in the parking lot, bring me with, would you? I got some killer shit outta Mexico last week that you guys would love.”
“Right on broseidon,” Mitchell said.
Now that Mitchell and Randy got their promotion, they can afford to smoke all the weed they can find.

The End.

This is a re-post from my Livejournal, but this space was becoming really neglected, so I figured why not.

As I've stated before, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night. My mind doesn't shut down very well, and the gears turn and turn and start thinking of strange things, often very morbid, but sometimes not. Last night I thought about the evolution of Silverclaw as a character, and as he relates to me. Normally I don't post my evening musings because they either don't warrant sharing, are too private, or are just to disconnected or don't matter. However, considering that Silver is a good portion of me, I think it merits a post.

I created him when I was 12 or 13 or 14 years old. Couldn't tell you why. It probably seemed a good idea at the time, and I liked then as I do now to write and create characters. Since then his appearance has changed very little, but his personality has grown by leaps and bounds, and has been shaped by some wonderful people of whom he's had the pleasure of their comapny. I don't know exactly when or why I started roleplaying him, or even how the idea came about. What I can remember is the very first forum I joined, which was Wild Wolf River. This was back when EzBoard was a power, and where most "furry" roleplay happened as far as I knew. Granted I didn't know at the time what a furry was, but it didn't matter. Back then, Silverclaw was what we call "feral." I can't remember a lot of the people, or a lot of the twists of plot that happened, and that's unfortunate because I do remember the general atmosphere of the place, and it was wonderful.


In 2002 or 2003, I found a place called Ravenwood, and still feral became a member of a pack known as Chased by the Light. A lot of people left, and I became alpha of the CBTL pack, pretty much by default. It is in this role I came to know a lot of the people I still associate with today, and who are still great friends. Matauki and Aloysius Jager were the first I met, and I still keep in contact with them, Aloy through Facebook and Mat through IM and such. Then one day wandering around, Silver's world, and if I'm honest mine too, changed.

A stranger calling herself Kida joined, and that was the start of a huge transformation. She helped shape Silver in ways she may never know, and in ways I'm sure she's well aware of. She marks the turning point from where Silverclaw went from a simple character to a huge part of me. He became me, and I put him through things I wish I could do, and things I'm glad I haven't done. For a couple years she and I ruled CBTL. Inexplicably, Ravenwood died; people left or lost interest or whatever. The key players migrated around a couple of times, but it was never the same, and eventually we gave it up altogether.

Some time after that, I found Furry 2 Furry, a site of a lot adult in nature. Silverclaw then became anthro, and his major personality evolution slowed, then finally ceased. Small details changed as they're like to do, but that's pretty much where he stopped evolving as a character. However, he's certainly not static by any means, how could he be? He's just slowed up quite a bit. I invited Kida to join me at F2F, and she changed her name and created a new character, but it was still Kida as I knew her. Our relationship really strengthened in ways I don't think we expected, and indeed in ways it would be impossible to expect. Then one day things went awry, for reasons that don't need to be explained here. I was really devastated: I had lost my best friend. Slowly things have become better, and we're on a lot better terms than we used to be, but a small part of me feels like things aren't quite back to normal; part of me fears they will never be.

Anyway, Kida played a huge part in Silver's life and she still does, whether she knows it or not. Silver went from a creative endeavor to something comepletely different: me. He and I are the same now pretty much, though I still put him through things that for various reasons I cannot or will not do.

Kida, Aloy, Mat...these are some of the best people out there, and I remain eternally grateful to them for helping me along and helping me develop my character and really develop myself.

These are the things I think about at night.

8 Facts About Me

THE RULES...
1) Post these rules
2) Post 8 true things about yourself
3) At the end you must tag 8 people and post their icons
4) Go to their page and send them a message saying you tagged them
5) NO TAG-BACKS

THE FACTS ABOUT ME...
1. I don't do meme's
2. If you want to know something
3. Just ask.
4. I may
5. Or may not
6. Tell you.
7. Sorry if you expected more.
8. Too bad.

I know, I'm no fun, right?

I've posted some photos from the airshow this past weekend over at my DA page. Take a look!

http://silverclaw99.deviantart.com/

Well I'm back from my cruise. I have been for awhile now, but I'm just starting to go through everything. I've posted some of them up on my livejournal account, and I may or may not put some more up here and over at DA. We'll see. Anyway, if you so desire, pop over to http://torn-spirit.livejournal.com/ to see them. New posts ideally every day for the next 10 or so days.

Jesus, my last journal on here was a year ago? *shrugs* Not much to say I guess. My giant tale of Prince Silver and the Lady Rain is...going. I'm in the process of re-writing the entire 3 parts, which at my pace is bound to take at least a year. Once I get back to school I will start in again on it.

For other things, I have one story completed that needs to be edited and uploaded, which will also happen when I return to school. In the works is a non-furry story told in the first-person, which is on hold, pending completion of the other two. Also brewing in my brain is a story of a probably yiffy nature that centers around the pirate kick my partner and crime and mate Rain has been on. Look for that...well, probably not anytime soon, haha. I tend to start a lot of things, get distracted, and then not finish them.

But the Prince Silver/Lady Rain story is priority one in terms of free time writing.