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Journal title about how I feel and life.
Posted 9 years agoAs some of you might know, I 'recently' moved back to my home country of Denmark after having lived in Spain for a year and eight months.
At the time it felt like the correct decision, I still know that it is the correct decision that I made, as I was so far away from everything, friends, family, meetups, and the fact that I didn't really want to learn Spanish.
However! Now that I am back, I've been starting to fall more and more back to how sad I felt before leaving for Spain, I think I know the reason(s) for it though, unfortunately it's not something I can just straight up fix. When I was in Spain I had a job that I really, really, liked, and that I was sort of sad to give up for a lot of different reasons. The biggest reason was probably because of having to leave a really great colleague of mine that I had a lot of shifts and fun with, who I trained from the bottom up to become a great asset to the company. Besides that I had quite a lot of responsibility, a lot of people asked me for help, the customers VIP's asked specifically for me when something urgent needed doing, all in all I miss the job a lot.
None the less I have moved back to Denmark, and I have been unable to find a job here, so in January I am actually going to start on the education for the IT-Support that I was doing in Spain, since I really liked the job down there, I'm figuring that is what I want to do with my life, which is all in all very nice.
Furthermore there is some other things that I would like to get off my chest, mostly to those people that I talk to more frequently than others.
I have some social problems, and currently they are even bigger than they've been in a long while, I really want to talk to my friends, but I can only seem to handle the text chatting, as just the thought of actually speaking with someone makes me sort of sad, and not know what to do with myself.
I mostly listen to music all the time, also while I'm talking to people, the only time I don't really listen to music is when I'm going to sleep or visiting my family, or physically have the company of someone, as I need to be present, and my brain goes to better places. When I'm at my computer with my thoughts, my own head becomes a scary place that I don't want to be, which is why I listen to that music.
To continue in the same kind of way, I would like to make new friendships, but for me that's really, really hard, because I simply straight up think that everyone dislike or hates me to some extend, not sure why I think like that, but I can only guess. When I was younger the other kids were not very nice to me, through 3 years it was horrible, then I moved school and it was less horrible. However at that point my mother got herself a new husband, who, to say the least, but me through so much mental torment, he was always being really mean to me, and whenever I did something back to him, my mom would always yell at me for doing. An example I can remember is him shooting me with rubber bands, then I went and shot one back at him, and I got yelled at for doing it. He always made fun for me, he made fun of me in front of my friends, and my mother never did anything about it.
To add more bad things to that day, I got told that I should be leaving my current apartment at latest the 31st of October, and at the current time I don't really have any income, so I will end up staying in my mothers trailer, one of the kind you use for camping, and well I'm not too happy about that, but I can understand where my roommate is coming from with his request.
Don't really know what I'm hoping to gain from this, if anything, probably just wanting to get it off my chest.
Now that all that is out of the way, I hope you are having a nice day.
At the time it felt like the correct decision, I still know that it is the correct decision that I made, as I was so far away from everything, friends, family, meetups, and the fact that I didn't really want to learn Spanish.
However! Now that I am back, I've been starting to fall more and more back to how sad I felt before leaving for Spain, I think I know the reason(s) for it though, unfortunately it's not something I can just straight up fix. When I was in Spain I had a job that I really, really, liked, and that I was sort of sad to give up for a lot of different reasons. The biggest reason was probably because of having to leave a really great colleague of mine that I had a lot of shifts and fun with, who I trained from the bottom up to become a great asset to the company. Besides that I had quite a lot of responsibility, a lot of people asked me for help, the customers VIP's asked specifically for me when something urgent needed doing, all in all I miss the job a lot.
None the less I have moved back to Denmark, and I have been unable to find a job here, so in January I am actually going to start on the education for the IT-Support that I was doing in Spain, since I really liked the job down there, I'm figuring that is what I want to do with my life, which is all in all very nice.
Furthermore there is some other things that I would like to get off my chest, mostly to those people that I talk to more frequently than others.
I have some social problems, and currently they are even bigger than they've been in a long while, I really want to talk to my friends, but I can only seem to handle the text chatting, as just the thought of actually speaking with someone makes me sort of sad, and not know what to do with myself.
I mostly listen to music all the time, also while I'm talking to people, the only time I don't really listen to music is when I'm going to sleep or visiting my family, or physically have the company of someone, as I need to be present, and my brain goes to better places. When I'm at my computer with my thoughts, my own head becomes a scary place that I don't want to be, which is why I listen to that music.
To continue in the same kind of way, I would like to make new friendships, but for me that's really, really hard, because I simply straight up think that everyone dislike or hates me to some extend, not sure why I think like that, but I can only guess. When I was younger the other kids were not very nice to me, through 3 years it was horrible, then I moved school and it was less horrible. However at that point my mother got herself a new husband, who, to say the least, but me through so much mental torment, he was always being really mean to me, and whenever I did something back to him, my mom would always yell at me for doing. An example I can remember is him shooting me with rubber bands, then I went and shot one back at him, and I got yelled at for doing it. He always made fun for me, he made fun of me in front of my friends, and my mother never did anything about it.
To add more bad things to that day, I got told that I should be leaving my current apartment at latest the 31st of October, and at the current time I don't really have any income, so I will end up staying in my mothers trailer, one of the kind you use for camping, and well I'm not too happy about that, but I can understand where my roommate is coming from with his request.
Don't really know what I'm hoping to gain from this, if anything, probably just wanting to get it off my chest.
Now that all that is out of the way, I hope you are having a nice day.
Happy journal.
Posted 10 years agoButts. <3
Good bye friend
Posted 10 years agoJust wanna use a moment to say good bye, and rest in piece to 
Note to self.
Posted 11 years agoRemember not to trust anyone. Everyone is assholes.
Note done.
Note done.
F5 that time of year
Posted 12 years agoSince we're hitting that Halloween thing soon, I update the icon. :) Same as last year.
5 keys for Metro: Last Light
Posted 12 years agoSo I currently have 5 keys for Metro: Last Light, and I'm not sure what I should do with those. I'll list some options.
1. Find artists who wants to work for game keys.
2. Straight out sell them.
3. Use them make some sort of kick start on youtube.
4. Maybe save one of them to sub number 200 or something, not like I'll be hitting that soon! :P
1. Find artists who wants to work for game keys.
2. Straight out sell them.
3. Use them make some sort of kick start on youtube.
4. Maybe save one of them to sub number 200 or something, not like I'll be hitting that soon! :P
Watched "The Lone Ranger" (No spoilers!)
Posted 12 years agoSo today I went to watch The Lone Ranger, with my girlfriend I wasn't expecting too much, but was looking forward to it none the less. As some of you might know it's done by the same people as those who made Pirates of the Caribbean, and therefor I was personally expecting to be entertained with a fair bit of humor.
My hopes going into this movie weren't too high, but I kept some sort of looking forward to the movie still up, after all I am a guy who likes humor. So there I was sitting in my seat in the cinema waiting for the movie to start, lightly sipping coke. The movie starts and we start somewhere in the future, by watching a little kid, which starts me off with getting pretty confused.
So I waited, and the story starts going and we zoom further back to where the movie actually happens, once every while going back to the boy I mentioned before, and it sorta keeps up breaking the story for nothing, as I ended up seeing it as an annoying part to it.
So the movie does have a plot to it, though to me it feels like the plot is just an excuse to make a full action movie, the plot is very weak and seems a bit forced, but at least there is some kind of story compared to some other movies. Though rightfully it does not come anywhere close to the likes of Pirates of the Caribbean.
To make a bit of a conclusion to how I felt about the movie. It was decent but I would not recommend people to go watch it in the cinema, worth buying for a dvd/blue ray, but not so much if you want to go cinema, so that's my recommendation to you people, feel free to ask questions in comments to things if you'd like.
// Duce
My hopes going into this movie weren't too high, but I kept some sort of looking forward to the movie still up, after all I am a guy who likes humor. So there I was sitting in my seat in the cinema waiting for the movie to start, lightly sipping coke. The movie starts and we start somewhere in the future, by watching a little kid, which starts me off with getting pretty confused.
So I waited, and the story starts going and we zoom further back to where the movie actually happens, once every while going back to the boy I mentioned before, and it sorta keeps up breaking the story for nothing, as I ended up seeing it as an annoying part to it.
So the movie does have a plot to it, though to me it feels like the plot is just an excuse to make a full action movie, the plot is very weak and seems a bit forced, but at least there is some kind of story compared to some other movies. Though rightfully it does not come anywhere close to the likes of Pirates of the Caribbean.
To make a bit of a conclusion to how I felt about the movie. It was decent but I would not recommend people to go watch it in the cinema, worth buying for a dvd/blue ray, but not so much if you want to go cinema, so that's my recommendation to you people, feel free to ask questions in comments to things if you'd like.
// Duce
Excuse the art spam
Posted 12 years agoJust dumping some art.
College
Posted 12 years agoFor those of you who gives a damn, I've graduate college, go me and stuff.
This is kinda old I think
Posted 12 years agoSo I found this here thing about gay marriage.. http://i.imgur.com/XmYhjXp.jpg
Kyma sketch page
Posted 12 years agoKyma is offering raffle sketch pages over at http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4600903/ go check it out =)
Friend selling art!
Posted 12 years agoMeer needs something with the D
Posted 12 years agoOkay so basically you have to go here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4441265/ it only lasts for the rest of the day, sometime american time, so hurry up.
Shiftykitty art raffle
Posted 13 years agoLast day, last chance ;)
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4260319/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4260319/
Considerations (Leaving, maybe)
Posted 13 years agoSo.. I'm really just at a loss here..
I feel like I don't really belong here in this community anymore.. there is no frequent chat people that's furs, there are no one from own own country that I talk with frequently, I don't really have a chance to show up to any at the meets, the chat I go to dislike me.
I don't/can't/wont draw (wont because I'd rather not burn peoples eyes out.), I don't have a huge passion for fursuiting, I do it when I actually go somewhere with other fur friends who suit up.
I don't really feel that I contribute to the community at all, there isn't really a huge reason for me to stick around at all, I don't do anything, I've probably made more people annoyed than happy, so meh no real reason for me to stick around as a furry anymore.
Right now I feel like I could just throw myself out the window I'm looking at, and nobody would really miss me too much, I know a few people that would mainly this guy here
lillebart, he's like probably one of the best buddies you could want on the whole world, keep being awesome buddy.
So yeah.. now there's tears running down from my eyes, why for..? Because I feel worthless, I feel unneeded, and I think about some of the awesome people that's actually able to enjoy my company. Right now though.. I just want to be no more, I really wish that I'd be able to go back in time to when I was 15, and just undo all of this, see how life would have been without it.. *Sigh*
So I need some opinions, or reasons for why I should stay around..
I feel like I don't really belong here in this community anymore.. there is no frequent chat people that's furs, there are no one from own own country that I talk with frequently, I don't really have a chance to show up to any at the meets, the chat I go to dislike me.
I don't/can't/wont draw (wont because I'd rather not burn peoples eyes out.), I don't have a huge passion for fursuiting, I do it when I actually go somewhere with other fur friends who suit up.
I don't really feel that I contribute to the community at all, there isn't really a huge reason for me to stick around at all, I don't do anything, I've probably made more people annoyed than happy, so meh no real reason for me to stick around as a furry anymore.
Right now I feel like I could just throw myself out the window I'm looking at, and nobody would really miss me too much, I know a few people that would mainly this guy here
lillebart, he's like probably one of the best buddies you could want on the whole world, keep being awesome buddy.So yeah.. now there's tears running down from my eyes, why for..? Because I feel worthless, I feel unneeded, and I think about some of the awesome people that's actually able to enjoy my company. Right now though.. I just want to be no more, I really wish that I'd be able to go back in time to when I was 15, and just undo all of this, see how life would have been without it.. *Sigh*
So I need some opinions, or reasons for why I should stay around..
Journal!? D:<
Posted 13 years agoHOW OLD DO YOU ACT?
[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[x] You own a credit card.
[x] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[x] You've done your own laundry.
[x] You can vote in an election.
[x] You can cook for yourself.
[ ] You think politics are interesting
TOTAL SO FAR: 7
[x] You show(ed) up for school late a lot.
[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[x] You've never gotten a detention.
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[x] You like to take walks by yourself.
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week.
TOTAL SO FAR: 13
[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When you say you're going to do something you USUALLY do it.
[x] You can mow the lawn.
[ ] You study even when you don't have to.
[ ] You have hand washed a car before.
TOTAL SO FAR: 17
[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] You can type pretty quick.
TOTAL SO FAR: 20
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[ ] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay.
[x] You have been to the beach.
[x] You use the internet every day.
[x] You have been outside of your home country 3 or more times.
[ ] You make your bed in the morning.
TOTAL SO FAR: 23
[x] You have filed a tax return
[x] You have used a pay phone
[x] You have been served alcohol without being ID'd
[x] You have purchased stamps at the grocery store
[x] You have purchased a lottery ticket
[x] You still have and use a VCR
29.... Yeh.. Now I feeling even older! D:
[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[x] You own a credit card.
[x] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[x] You've done your own laundry.
[x] You can vote in an election.
[x] You can cook for yourself.
[ ] You think politics are interesting
TOTAL SO FAR: 7
[x] You show(ed) up for school late a lot.
[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[x] You've never gotten a detention.
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[x] You like to take walks by yourself.
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week.
TOTAL SO FAR: 13
[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[x] When you say you're going to do something you USUALLY do it.
[x] You can mow the lawn.
[ ] You study even when you don't have to.
[ ] You have hand washed a car before.
TOTAL SO FAR: 17
[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out.
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] You can type pretty quick.
TOTAL SO FAR: 20
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[ ] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay.
[x] You have been to the beach.
[x] You use the internet every day.
[x] You have been outside of your home country 3 or more times.
[ ] You make your bed in the morning.
TOTAL SO FAR: 23
[x] You have filed a tax return
[x] You have used a pay phone
[x] You have been served alcohol without being ID'd
[x] You have purchased stamps at the grocery store
[x] You have purchased a lottery ticket
[x] You still have and use a VCR
29.... Yeh.. Now I feeling even older! D:
Just need to get this off my chest.
Posted 13 years agoSo it's one of those journals again, one of those QQ whine whine journals that people probably won't read anyways, I just need to get this off my chest on this fine 24th of december.
Seemingly friends is an easy thing to get in this here community.. But really what are these friendships based on.. I feel that a lot of the 'friends' I end up having here is actually just one sided thing.. If there is to be any contact between me and the other part, I have to make the contact, I like everyone that I've been making contact to on FA, it just makes me with worthless, uninteresting, and unwanted.
I guess I might just have my feelings on the outside, it might just be this here depression that I'm walking around with, it might be all of the mental torture I was hauled through when I was smaller, and that I literally didn't have friends from 5 years of school.. So I try to keep a tight hold of the people I actually befriend.. Talking to them often, but being the one that have to make contact every time, you just end up feeling unwanted.
This thought comes around ever so often.. Wouldn't everyone just be better off without even haven't met me, I feel so insufficient, and just end up feeling like a pain for people to befriend.. As in my latest upload, if I had a gun.. I wouldn't have been around, you can call me weak or whatever, I am..
I don't really feel that I have anything to offer the world really.. I'm a bit over average smart.. I'm good at computer games, I have an okay imagination.. That's about it.. I have no skills that's really needed anywhere, my greatest skill, gaming, is not anywhere near good enough to go pro in anything. So yeah. Useless. So all in all why would anyone actually want to be friends with me?
Sometimes... just sometimes I regret the fact that I became / am, a furry.. It's something that I've ended up using a lot of money on, it have caused me so so much pain to be here. Then again, where would I be if I hadn't gotten myself into this fandom, what would I be doing right now.. How would my life look, lighter, darker, or about the same. The only thing I can conclude is that I'm very glade for those friends that I actually know fucking cares for me.. Those friends I know I'll get a message from every so often.
So that's my rant, getting sit off my chest, for this time.. Really I just hate life.. I have a loving girlfriend, she casts a lot of light on my days, and it's super awesome to know that I can make her feel like the happiest girl on earth. I know for a fact she won't go reading this, but she's my light in the darkness.
//Duce
Seemingly friends is an easy thing to get in this here community.. But really what are these friendships based on.. I feel that a lot of the 'friends' I end up having here is actually just one sided thing.. If there is to be any contact between me and the other part, I have to make the contact, I like everyone that I've been making contact to on FA, it just makes me with worthless, uninteresting, and unwanted.
I guess I might just have my feelings on the outside, it might just be this here depression that I'm walking around with, it might be all of the mental torture I was hauled through when I was smaller, and that I literally didn't have friends from 5 years of school.. So I try to keep a tight hold of the people I actually befriend.. Talking to them often, but being the one that have to make contact every time, you just end up feeling unwanted.
This thought comes around ever so often.. Wouldn't everyone just be better off without even haven't met me, I feel so insufficient, and just end up feeling like a pain for people to befriend.. As in my latest upload, if I had a gun.. I wouldn't have been around, you can call me weak or whatever, I am..
I don't really feel that I have anything to offer the world really.. I'm a bit over average smart.. I'm good at computer games, I have an okay imagination.. That's about it.. I have no skills that's really needed anywhere, my greatest skill, gaming, is not anywhere near good enough to go pro in anything. So yeah. Useless. So all in all why would anyone actually want to be friends with me?
Sometimes... just sometimes I regret the fact that I became / am, a furry.. It's something that I've ended up using a lot of money on, it have caused me so so much pain to be here. Then again, where would I be if I hadn't gotten myself into this fandom, what would I be doing right now.. How would my life look, lighter, darker, or about the same. The only thing I can conclude is that I'm very glade for those friends that I actually know fucking cares for me.. Those friends I know I'll get a message from every so often.
So that's my rant, getting sit off my chest, for this time.. Really I just hate life.. I have a loving girlfriend, she casts a lot of light on my days, and it's super awesome to know that I can make her feel like the happiest girl on earth. I know for a fact she won't go reading this, but she's my light in the darkness.
//Duce
Hey
Posted 13 years agoI just wanted to say I hate you all. C:
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Christmas icon f5
Posted 13 years agoYeah I finally put on my christmas icon, I guess I forgot that it was December really.
Weasly
Posted 13 years agoI'm on it, with the name Duce.
AMA. = Ask me anything! :)
Posted 13 years agoSo I thought it could be fun to have an AMA on page, mainly to see if anyone would actually want to know more. :D
1.
2.
3...
GO!
1.
2.
3...
GO!
Buddy of mine wants to trade some fur + Chance to win art
Posted 13 years agoSoul buttons
Posted 13 years agoFree raffle: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3934209/
Auction: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9055838/
It's
fleki stuff!
Auction: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9055838/
It's
fleki stuff!Halloween icons?
Posted 13 years agoAnybody know someone who's doing sexy halloween badges? I want some gory good looking, anyone? <3 Also need to know what you call this? http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9052045/ <--- Art is SFW and made by fleki Cause I'm also looking for something like that, with an idea I have.
Besides that I'm enjoying my USA trip.. It's over in less than 2 weeks )':
fleki Cause I'm also looking for something like that, with an idea I have.Besides that I'm enjoying my USA trip.. It's over in less than 2 weeks )':
Fuck ponies!
Posted 13 years agoMore Batman!
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/603869
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/603869
