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60 Followers! Hooray!
Posted 7 months agoI'm so glad to have accrued a small following here! I love creating characters, sharing stories, and sharing the art I receive. It especially feels good when a lot of them are artist's I've interacted with. I feel like some platforms are... too big, and I miss the days of smaller tightknit communities. My social anxiety even carries over to the internet, haha.
After a little over a year here, I've built of a solid base to one of my main creative outlets; my original species, The Arhulian They've been an idea in my head, for say... 15 odd years? I remember getting the idea of a long, badger-like being, but with a long body like that of a centipede, with pokey centi-legs. The cross of a "mammal" with anthropoid morphology was pretty novel to me, and I've been iterating upon it since. Molding them, like a ball of clay. I'm immensely grateful to say something that has become sona/extension of myself (Even more so than my 'mascot' SkekDris has finally been fleshed out to a degree I'm happy with. (Though there is much more to come!)
As for my writing endeavors, it's been a hot while. I started "The Visitor" back in October of 2024, and things have been quiet since. Honestly, I've been hit with a depressive slump, and I'm hoping that despite everything, I can pull myself out of it, and start writing again. I just want to say thank you all for the inspiration, and the motivation to keep creating! <3
After a little over a year here, I've built of a solid base to one of my main creative outlets; my original species, The Arhulian They've been an idea in my head, for say... 15 odd years? I remember getting the idea of a long, badger-like being, but with a long body like that of a centipede, with pokey centi-legs. The cross of a "mammal" with anthropoid morphology was pretty novel to me, and I've been iterating upon it since. Molding them, like a ball of clay. I'm immensely grateful to say something that has become sona/extension of myself (Even more so than my 'mascot' SkekDris has finally been fleshed out to a degree I'm happy with. (Though there is much more to come!)
As for my writing endeavors, it's been a hot while. I started "The Visitor" back in October of 2024, and things have been quiet since. Honestly, I've been hit with a depressive slump, and I'm hoping that despite everything, I can pull myself out of it, and start writing again. I just want to say thank you all for the inspiration, and the motivation to keep creating! <3
My Journey of Self Discovery
Posted a year agoThe last few years have been some of the most important of my life. For most of my life, I've struggled with mental health, and I haven't even realized it. My family had the "there's nothing wrong with you, you're just different" bug, school deliberatly not wanting to acknowledge anything, and the general societal pressure of "you're just not trying hard enough" has resulted me going well into my adult life with a critical lack of support and knowledge.
That is until a good friend/adult/mentor figure started seeing a bunch of warning signs in me, and has helped me in getting checked out and looked into medically. Turns out, I'm not fine, and that me needing to expend maximum mental effort just to do things other people can isn't normal.
It's like people telling you all your life that you're just terrible at swimming and you just need to work harder. But when you finally get checked out, the doctors tell you that: "yeah, you've had two 5 pound weights strapped to your ankles this whole time." And that you really do have an issue that must be adressed that can't just be machismo'd away.
I'm immensely grateful to that mentor figure in my life recognizing that something was up with me, and having the know how and paperwork skills to hook me up with the right support networks and resources; which has rippled out to better care and identification of my mental health.
This summer, I completed a multi-week 9-5 therapy program that has helped me immensely. Several people that know me very well remarking that I had made a "drastic improvement".
But of course, even that was not fully comprehensive. There is much about myself to learn as I grow and become more self aware. And sadly, sometimes it still happens the hard way.
For example, I made a big social blunder with someone I cherish and hold in high regard. They communicated their feelings and boundries, and obviously that's perfectly fine.
What was not fine was how my brain instantly and drastically went to red-alert over it. Thinking of worst case scenarios; how I ruined things between me and this person forever, anger and disgust at myself for making such a blunder with someone I care about so much, losing sleep over it, and crying. That residual "cultural expectation" seeped through and I was just telling myself I was just taking it hard, that I was being dramatic, etc...
Then I started getting texts from a few family members who saw what I could not; that something was deeply upsetting me, and that it was tearing apart my well-being. When my dad called me comfort me and asked if I was thinking of suicide is when my jaw dropped. In reality I had no such thoughts, but the fact that my mood had shifted so suddenly and dramatically for the worse that my loved ones started being concerned for my well-being in that way was... Upsetting.
Now of course, I don't think that person meant any ill-will or wanted to hurt my feelings in any capacity. It was just that the experience was a real eye opener to me that even after all this time and help, my mental "armor" still has holes in it. And that things slipping through can have real, devastating consequences to my mental health. Even if the thing in question is something most people would not think to be a big deal.
Self discovery is important. To find out who you are and what your vulnerablities are. Thinking you are safe from things when you are not can have terrible consequences. A good example was when I went camping this summer. I was sitting under a canopy watching a sporting event, yet I got burned pretty badly despite being in the "shade." Turns out, the light that filtered through the red canopy is enough to burn you if you sit there for 6 hours with no sunblock.
Find yourself, know who you are, and let your feelings speak freely to you.
That is until a good friend/adult/mentor figure started seeing a bunch of warning signs in me, and has helped me in getting checked out and looked into medically. Turns out, I'm not fine, and that me needing to expend maximum mental effort just to do things other people can isn't normal.
It's like people telling you all your life that you're just terrible at swimming and you just need to work harder. But when you finally get checked out, the doctors tell you that: "yeah, you've had two 5 pound weights strapped to your ankles this whole time." And that you really do have an issue that must be adressed that can't just be machismo'd away.
I'm immensely grateful to that mentor figure in my life recognizing that something was up with me, and having the know how and paperwork skills to hook me up with the right support networks and resources; which has rippled out to better care and identification of my mental health.
This summer, I completed a multi-week 9-5 therapy program that has helped me immensely. Several people that know me very well remarking that I had made a "drastic improvement".
But of course, even that was not fully comprehensive. There is much about myself to learn as I grow and become more self aware. And sadly, sometimes it still happens the hard way.
For example, I made a big social blunder with someone I cherish and hold in high regard. They communicated their feelings and boundries, and obviously that's perfectly fine.
What was not fine was how my brain instantly and drastically went to red-alert over it. Thinking of worst case scenarios; how I ruined things between me and this person forever, anger and disgust at myself for making such a blunder with someone I care about so much, losing sleep over it, and crying. That residual "cultural expectation" seeped through and I was just telling myself I was just taking it hard, that I was being dramatic, etc...
Then I started getting texts from a few family members who saw what I could not; that something was deeply upsetting me, and that it was tearing apart my well-being. When my dad called me comfort me and asked if I was thinking of suicide is when my jaw dropped. In reality I had no such thoughts, but the fact that my mood had shifted so suddenly and dramatically for the worse that my loved ones started being concerned for my well-being in that way was... Upsetting.
Now of course, I don't think that person meant any ill-will or wanted to hurt my feelings in any capacity. It was just that the experience was a real eye opener to me that even after all this time and help, my mental "armor" still has holes in it. And that things slipping through can have real, devastating consequences to my mental health. Even if the thing in question is something most people would not think to be a big deal.
Self discovery is important. To find out who you are and what your vulnerablities are. Thinking you are safe from things when you are not can have terrible consequences. A good example was when I went camping this summer. I was sitting under a canopy watching a sporting event, yet I got burned pretty badly despite being in the "shade." Turns out, the light that filtered through the red canopy is enough to burn you if you sit there for 6 hours with no sunblock.
Find yourself, know who you are, and let your feelings speak freely to you.
