It's crazy how fast the years go by now
... I'm gonna be 28 years old very soon and that's just crazy... Let's hope I have a amazing 28th birthday^^

It's my birthday today ^^ I'm now 27 years old^^ and it was a fun birthday and a bit insane cus what happened nextdoor too but yer good birthday^^

So I'm drawing again after 5 years I'm gonna be practicing stuff for a bit and when I'm ready il be doing trades, gifts and for good pals requests:)

So today if lost a very close pal who's been with me through a lot of bad things in my life.... He's sadly died to cancer...... He was a guy who kindly payed for art for gifts at times to cheer me up to chatting and playing with me often dint know his name or fur name just his nickname Swifty that he earned through being fast and agile he was a sweety.... Il miss him.....

So literally just last night 2 of my pals literally just unfriended everyone and on everything and there people who kept me from killing myself...... I'm sacred and can use lots of pals to keep me happy and cheer me up in anyway that can....

So the last 24 hours was a pain because of a 12 hour long storm then someone got a simcard under my mum's name and money was being taken out of bank cos of it too so it sucks and we don't have a ton of money so it's gonna be harder from now...... It also scares me cos I think it's one of my sister's old bfs who was a hacker and kinda a psycho who owned tons of weapons........ So I'm scared and fear he might try kill us someday if this is him again...... He attacked one of my sister's friends and nearly killed her so I'm extremely scared....... Cos bad stuff allways happens to me and my family...... Expressly me.......

Wow time gos fast I'm about to be 25 years old....

So 2020 sucked.... 2021 was worse...... and 2022 allready want 2023 cos covid fucked everything up allready my sister's birthday fucked cos everyone but me has covid.... and it's super bad for my mum too cos her lung problems..... I'm now scared about loseing my mum and have no home..... I'm so scared..... I'm also sick of being traped in my fucking room bearly 2 years cos covid!><

Can something good happen please? I'm struggling to be happy I'm mostly depressed.... nothing seems fun too anymore....


I just Wanna be happy....

Been super depressed this week... last year Iost my cat from someone shoting him he survived that then was hit by a car he survived... but after all thay he passed away mounths later on this day he passes away... and also I'm more depressed too cos I know my grandad died 5 weeks later..... if had a really hard life... from my dad ditching me and stuff i don't wanna say about publicly I'm surprised If not killed myself from my bipoler yet or tryed... then again I have amazing friends who do anything to keep me happy in my hard times... and now I need friends more then ever this mounth....

So around 14 mins ago from typing this there was a extremely load growl out of nowhere I live in the UK so defiantly no animal and well its near 3am.... I'm litraly scared... I don't know what to do.... shod I risk sleep or stay up....

It's been a year allready and still in lockdown meaning my 2nd birthday stick at home>< hope this ends soon

So I had my covid vaccine injection today it hurt a bit after but I had a nap and felt ok all day but when night came along I suddenly got super hot have a headache and in pain.. and this is only the 1st one but in 11 weeks I have it again and it's more then this one too so if I'm struggling rn then my next maybe worse then this.. I'm still super hot rn and bearly able to do anything..... I'm scared cos of all this..

Hay all... this has been a thing on my mind for years.... since I became a furry if been attacked by haters and some was even my friends.... And as time passed it grew worse mostly when I made a Twitter account..... if owned 4 to 6.... due to bullys trying everything thay can to make me hate the fandom and we'll 1 or 2 years ago.... it worked 2 of the people who's attacked me for years made accounts and acted at me and stole art from some of my fav artists.... Even hacked my Twitter and put stolen art on my account when I was on holiday with my collage and when I got back I was blocked by my fav artists...... I now fear the fandom and have for 1 to 2 years..... it's why if become bipoler too.... I fear if I go to a con il meet one of the artists and thay will charge me for copyright that I never done.... I'm scared... Cos I also nearly killed myself over tonight aswell.. And well.... I do now think I'm best off dead cos then il be alone and somewhere I can be happy..... but I don't wanna die.... I'm to young for this shit...... I need help.... I need forgiveness..... I need people to make me fell welcome again....

Oh nearly forgot I'm also attacked by the bullys and hackers at home too from wifi hacks in online games to get me baned to finding me when I'm out and harm me.... if people wold understand I never done any of this.... And it was bullys jealous I found a way to be happy my life wold be better Insted of fear..... I want the artists them asshole stole from to believe me.... I carnt even talk to them cos there acting like I'm a murderer and just block me when I try...... I need people to help me spred this so thay can come across this and believe me.... before I end up killing myself from all this bullshit if had.......

I... don't know if will be alive any longer..... everyone's turning agenst me even my family...... as I'm typeing this im close to ending it im sat in a very high up window wanting to fall but I just carnt.... I need help.... I need people to help me trough this..... I don't think I will last any longer then a week now without help...... so... if you can..... please help me.... I'm scared and I fell everyone here is my last hope..... if I don't do anything here or on Twitter in the week after next week..... then I'm gone..... I'm sorry...... if tryed everything but nothing and works well anymore...... so please.... if you can..... do anything to help me.... please? If never felt so alone and useless in my life ever.....

So.... this year has been complete chaos and it's made me Extreamly depressed.... if been traped in my room since early March since then if been in my room the 1st 2 mounths was ok but after that if gotten depressed I'm finding everything boring and I'm allways felling lonely... and I think soon I'm gonna end my life.... I'm scared.... and this may be the last thing il ever say....... I just hope something will cheer me up soon before it's too late.... and also lockdown gave me extream back pain.... So that's also makeing me close to ending it....... I really need friends to help me.... I need help before it's too late.....

Wow was last year fast.. It's allready nearly my birthday again and il be 23. It's crazy every year fells faster and faster.... It's crazy that my birthday is comeing up soon on the 20th of March but sadly it's gonna suck due to the coronaviras panic in the UK... It's most likely this will be my worst birthday cos of it....

This year has been very bad... from being hacked to bullied and mostly corona..... the UK is likely to be in lockdown soon cos if it..... it scares me a lot cos anyone can be infected and still spread it even In the news the thay say thousands will be infected in the UK before there's a cure... And yer has a 2% death rate aparantly but that's for Healthy people.... I'm not... my chance is possably higher in 20% or higher.... I don't wanna get it and know I may die.....


I hope this is cured soon before I'm infected or gets worse.....

Life this year has been very bad..... so much bad stuff has happend around the world and effecting everyone also if been uninvited to a collage trip cos I'm too old and the bullshit is someone older then me is able I fell left out and so betrayed I really hate it.... I hope something will change to help or make me happy soon....



Bipoler update!!
If kinda worsened over their year.... it sucks:(

So... by now u possably u know I have so meany problems like epalepcy eating problems and bipoler for a few.... but I'm starting to need more med types and I'm struggling takeing them and remembering to take them...but so meany more problems are now happening to me. If now got extreamly week.. forgetting lots of things and lastly been super depressed.. I'm scared and think I might not survive till 2020.... or even chrismas... I'm to scared... I dint know what to do...... I just wanna die..... but I carnt I don't wanna upset u all...Your all why I'm still here for now.... but yer... in scared and need love .. or I'm possably gonna end it around chrismas or new years day.

So...... next year I carnt go to collage anymore meening I need a job but with the problems I have it's extreamly difficult for me to really have a normal job so the best possable job or way to be kinda happy is YouTube.... I wanna do YouTube a lot but I fear my lifestyle and problems will make it hard for me so If I don't do well there i may look to only death cos il have no money and no future.... I'm scared and I fear sometime next year I'm dead..... but if all is ok..... I might slowly get better and be happy.... only time will tell.....

So....... my mum got told I have no taxis to my collage cos of some bullshit and now I somehow gotta get there alone...... and well i have disabilitys that really make it hard for me to do so.... So I carnt do that....... and I can aparantly get into trobble for taking taxis to collage witch is fucking pissing me off if I carnt get to collage I gotta get a job witch is inpossable where I live to meany people haved moved here and toke every job there is and 2nd lots of places are being destroyed for more apartments manning less jobs more people my life is destroyed cos of some bullshit with taxis.... I have nothing to do and I'm extremely wowwed about my future now......

So I'm now on my summer brake from collage and I shod be happy but I never am I tend to get lonely over summer holadays and get really upset becose I don't see any friends or get to do much cos of the heat I hate the heat and I get sun burn easy so I can never be out long even with sun cream I still really hate being outside and can pass out at times too... so all I do is lay in bed gaming most of the time but.... im starting to get bord of it I'm getting bord of everything....can it just be September all ready? So much good happens then like a game I want and a dlc for a game I play and back to collage... lastly I hope the weather don't be bad this year like last year.... that was bad....

So 6 mouths ago a friend noticed I was in depression and manias he made me go to the hospital and I found out i was bipolar....... it was the most heart brakeing moments of my life and id thought I'd never be able to cope with it but here I am 6 mouths later still alive but in lots of pain and it getting worse trough stress.... I'm really scared... if lost friends and only a few stay by my side I really need friends to help me try be myself but not meany friends care for me and just ignore me now days... just cos I'm bipolar don't mean I'm still a amazing friend.... I just wish I had more friends to support me Insted of turn against me this past month I lost 2 friends cos thay now hate me cos I'm bipolar.... some people really don't care in this world and it's just driving me closer to a higher chance of me killing myself.... I'm so scared right now I'm alone and in pain i need help.... :(

So I'm heading to Wales for a bit with collage and I'm gonna be I Cardiff for 3 days it's gonna be fun and I'm gonna take a few pics il show on Twitter on after the trip:)

About a month or 2 ago I found out I was bipolar but things have got miles worse I... I now slowly getting depression it's really effecting my life as I'm typeing this its 2am and I carnt sleep due to the depression and I'm starting to be very moody now.. I can really use friends right now I'm allways felling alone and useless at times.... I just hope it don't get worse over the last month.....