I...really ought to write more than one journal per year, huh? Whoops!

Hear hear and huzzah, we've reached 8/18/20, and that means that I've now officially been Snowe for 8 years! It feels kind of weird in a way that it's actually been that long. And feels bad in several ways that the last few have seen a dramatic slowdown of content coming from me. I keep trying to find encouragement to get my desire to draw back, but the rust factor has hit me hard and slow progress plus my high standards for myself mean trying to even start work on anything tends to become self-discouraging rather quickly. I gotta find a way to push through it. In the meantime, as I start to work my way into year 9 of bear, here's a few notes about things I'm potentially looking into, going forward...

Sona number three. Folks are already mostly aware that right now I have two characters in the menagerie that would be considered my "sonas," the real personal representatives: Snowe the bear, and Karther the velvet dragon. I don't have any art to properly intro them yet, but a third form is gonna be joining those ranks eventually, someone that will do a better job of speaking for certain preferences and aspects of my personality that I don't feel as comfortable using Snowe or Karther to depict to people in general. A couple of folks know who this is already, at least conceptually, for everyone else I'll just say this much for now: since he first came to mind, this is an idea that's very quickly endeared itself to me.

Set the story free. I've talked about this a bit before but when I first debuted Snowe it came along with grand plans of telling a consistent storyline of how he went about building up the world, and especially focusing on his relationships with other characters, like Doveland, Amelia, Reyers and more. Eight years later most of those ideas never fully came to light and it looks unlikely that they ever will...so rather than waiting around for that, I've decided it's better off to just...depict what I want to depict within the moment, and the justifications and explanations, if necessary, can be filled in as we go. This means that as long as I can finish the requisite reference work, we'll see Doveland's true form. Characters awaiting intros I'll feel more free to just...use. The story of it all, in hindsight, wouldn't have been all that interesting to most folks anyway, I think.

Small sidenote, but beyond the vore stuff that obviously makes up most of my gallery I do also want to get some more "slice of life" kinda things for my characters. The little daily life things are nice!

My social circle within the community seems to fluctuate in size a lot and in the last year or two I feel like I've been going through a bit of a restructuring in that aspect too, a process which I'm not comfortably completed with yet. It's...a bit weird, since I don't have anything particular in mind for what I want to get out of all this anymore, but at the very least, know that I'm not going anywhere for now.

That's...all I've got for now? See you in next year's journal probably!
-- Snowe

Alright, this is actually pretty important to me, so first off I want to thank anyone who reads through this and provides feedback.

Anybody that's kept track with me, either here, on Twitter, or elsewhere likely has seen that for the past long while I've been finding myself approaching the same crossroads repeatedly in terms of how I should handle my account here and my unmanagably-large cast of characters. Several months ago I made it a minor goal of mine to try and limit things down to a smaller "core" cast that I could spend some time exclusively working on content for, to improve their larger recognizability. Originally, I wanted this to be constricted down to 6 characters...then it became 8 since I struggled to address everything I wanted to with just the 6 I'd picked. Now as I look over some of my other older characters, the temptation to do more is again rearing its head, so I need to step in and stop myself before I wind myself up entirely too much.

One of the big problems I've had is with continuity and connection; a lot of my initial decisions for a cast focus centered around a couple of crucial plot threads that I've never properly delved into in any public way. Going after that sort of plot that's in large part built around mystery isn't something that lends itself well to my non-existent pace of content creation, though, since it requires a lot of things to remain under wraps until I produce the necessary content to advance things, which...doesn't happen. As a result, even some of the not-so-canon fun stuff doesn't really happen either. I mentioned it in my 6th anniversary journal last August that I considered trying to find a way to reboot Snowe's setting, but that would be tough given how much his origin is tied in with other necessary elements. I...think I'm at the point where I might try it anyway. Which brings me to the main reason I'm writing this now.

The Snowe-Cast Ground Level Poll

https://www.strawpoll.me/17642102

If you're someone that's followed my content or has any interest in my characters, I urge you to please check out and cast a vote for this poll. The purpose of it is simple: aside from Snowe himself, please select no more than three characters that you would most like to see new content for (be it art from myself, commissions from others, or even stories related to them). What I'm thinking about is taking Snowe as a central point, along with a few others, and reimagining my intent for his setting and story from the ground-up in a way that more easily allows me to keep things compact and explore those characters with some more variety than they otherwise might have had so far.
Put another way, what you're more or less voting for is who are the three characters aside from Snowe that you most wouldn't want to see go away (at least for a long time)?

I don't know if I'm even necessarily going to go through with this sort of a reboot or not, and if I do, there's no guarantee that the characters who lead in the poll will be the ones that I build around in the future, but I'm really curious about who has or hasn't had the most impact on people. You can use whatever criteria you prefer in making a choice--whether you like their personality, think they have an interesting design, think they're sexy, or whatever else. I limited the poll choices to characters that I already have art of on my gallery here, so if there's anybody that you don't already recognize offhand, they either have a category in my gallery already or there's at least a couple of pics in my "miscellaneous" folder. I've generally made different characters for different things, so seeing what kinds of things my followers most gravitate to will also be informative. Aside from voting, of course anyone's welcome to leave some more verbal feedback on the journal here.

To anyone who votes or otherwise speaks up with this, thank you. And of course thanks for following (and hopefully for continuing to support my characters and I going forward).
-- Snowe

Probably unsurprisingly, I haven't made another journal entry since this same day last year, where I talked about how my submission pace had slowed down and I was struggling to retain my creative spark and get back into drawing.

So uh, it probably comes as no surprise to admit today that that never happened. In fact I think aside from one thing added to my scraps folder for reference purposes, I literally haven't submitted anything new since my anniversary day last year. And so it is today that I decided to stop waiting around and drop some of the things that I'd been quietly gathering, or in Ames' case, things I'd been holding onto for years and years for a proper introduction that never took place.

In the last few days I've been thinking about Snowe, my cast, and my story again, and kind of regretting both how large and convoluted it's become but also a realization that the foundation I used to build Snowe's setting in the first place was based on my old Ingraham canon, which itself I decided to step away from because of how large and convoluted it became. If I couldn't engage in a story with Maxwell, how would I ever hope to engage people with Snowe and the rest of the gang, whose existence hinged on knowledge of a prior story no one knew? I was kind of doomed to failure from the start with this, and reading through my journal entry again from last year has really shown me how much I haven't changed. Not just in the six years of the bear, but in all the time I had before that. I want to change this but I'm not entirely sure how. I've thought of trying to dial things back and try again with Snowe in telling a story that wasn't anchored to what came before him, but...without that at the heart of his character I'm not sure what to really do?

I love my characters, though they don't deserve the neglect I've shown them. I'm afraid that any attempts to revise and clear things up to be more focused is only going to backfire for the same reasons it backfired before, which would leave the only other useful option as another total reset. New identity, new setting, and fighting as hard as possible to make sure that no part of anything I've done in the past is ever brought up or referenced, or else things will explode out of hand yet again. I know in my heart of hearts that this wouldn't work and isn't constructive, though. I could have a cast of two or a cast of two hundred, it doesn't make any bit of difference when I seemingly can't even finish one single drawing of anybody anymore.

I know that this is lengthy and rambling and likely doesn't make much sense, but I guess I wanted to vent somewhere. I'm sorry that I haven't made more I can share here, I really am.
Take care of yourselves, folks.
-- Snowe

We come once again upon Snowe Day, aka the anniversary of my official reintroduction to the furryverse as a blonde-furred bear.

In case anybody reading didn't already know, my first introduction to any of these communities came through my prior identity, Maxwell Ingraham, a human and fairly standard interpretation of my real-life self at the time. Through that identity, I formed a huge cast of characters and started introducing myself to some new things and new faces, but it eventually reached a point where I felt like my personal connection to the community and its people wasn't strong, and I couldn't interact very well in the ways that seemed to get the best response. Feeling that and a desire for a "fresh start" away from the storylines that my increasingly-bloated cast had accrued over time, a reset button of sorts was hit, and Snowe's world was born.

Since that time, a lot has been built and rebuilt. My cast is back to being bigger than it's ever been. I've met a lot of really cool and interesting people, befriended some of them, and to this point have lost touch with many in turn. I took a further interest in drawing and started to draft more characters and provide more of my own content, and then that skill and that spark both dropped out at some point and it's been a lengthy struggle to get any of it back, or even decide if I want to get any of it back. I still like Snowe and the relative simplicity of his design, but at the same time it feels rather telling of me and my motivation that we're five years later and I still don't have any formal ref-sheet for Snowe, let alone the literal dozen other characters in my mind that need them. In a lot of ways I feel like I've failed to make any meaningful impact on the larger community, nor really on any individuals save for a very small measure of friends. A lot of treading water but no swimming, if you will.

Five years later, I'm still not sure exactly what I could or should do to correct this. I'm not even sure if it's something that I want to or needs correcting. But for all the doubt and the sense that I haven't lived nearly up to my own expectations for myself, I still have faith in my mind and in my characters. I think their stories are worth glimpsing into. And if I want anybody else to really care, then I need to put more care into it myself first. Just, uh...bear with my while I figure out exactly what my strategy for that should be.

To anybody that's hung around for this long and still appreciates my sparse updates, I sincerely thank you for your continued interest and support. I hope I can come up with some ways to more frequently and more strongly justify that attention. For now, I've posted a few commissioned pieces--a few older ones and at least one brand-spanking-new--to help celebrate my anniversary. More to come!

-- Snowe

So this is a little something I've been mulling over for a while now, and it requires some response from you the people out there since...well you're the ones that are affected by this as much as I am.

I'm trying to rekindle the old itch I had for producing. Over the years since I first introduced Snowe and first started making and commissioning art of him and the rest of the cast and setting here, I've developed a ton of ideas for things I would like to do, to the point where I'm not even entirely sure where I want to begin, or what's worth focusing my time and attention on, which is where my watchers come in.

I guess what I'd like to get a better sense of is...for those of you that are watching me and have seen the stuff I've posted featuring my various characters, how interested are you in the characters themselves? Their histories, their personalities, their relationships with others and their connection to my vague, overarching storyline. It's no secret at all that the things on my page that garner the most interest and attention are the more kink-oriented things, and I'll admit I'm guilty of largely being the same way towards other people's casts much of the time as well. If that's what people really want to see, then I don't really have a problem leaning that way.

To be clear, I'm not asking this with the motivation in mind of "what will make me more popular?" That's not my intent. The characters and their stories exist in my mind, regardless, and I'll continue to build them up in that way regardless, but what this could tell me is that for what's shown off publicly, it may be more worthwhile to put my resources (both my own time in creating art and stories, or money used to commission other people to do it) more into providing content and scenarios that anybody other than myself will really give a shit about. I don't need to tell the stories if I'm the only person curious to hear them, since I already know what they are.

So, if you're willing to indulge me a little here, please do let me know. Do you wonder what Doveland's goal is in lingering around Snowe? Curious about who comprises Ivory Kiss? Want to get a better idea of the kinds of antics that Sunny and Reyers get up to together? Would you like to know about the setting in general? Or is the only driving question about any of this seeing how prey Snowe or Sierre could pack away? How much is it worth doing things entirely for myself if it essentially boils down to shouting into a bottomless hole?

Help me out here, guys. Thanks.
-- Snowe

Stream cancelled tonight, the world rolls on virtually unchanged.

So uh...last Wednesday I beat Undertale.

Just so you know, the following contains SPOILERS for UNDERTALE. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you have played through the game prior to reading this.

I was first exposed to Undertale when I played the demo for it probably some two or three years ago, thought it was a neat concept and I looked forward to the final release but I was a little skeptical of quite how well they'd make the in-game formula last. Fast forward, the game comes out for a couple of weeks, and my social circle, at least within this community, explodes with near-unanimous praise. Praise to a degree that I found to be kind of unbelievable. I've seen multiple people say that they completed the game and immediately tout it as their favorite game of all time, even seen people say that the experience they had with Undertale changed their lives. All of the enthusiasm, frankly, gave me pause, with my hipster-instincts kicking in I inherently doubted that an unassuming little indie-RPG could really be that powerful, that worthy of the mantle being placed upon it. I didn't doubt that it was good, but life-changing? It turned me off of it for a couple of weeks, honestly. But, still, I liked the demo, and I assumed it would at least be worth playing, if only to see just what sort of emotion and humanity I really have in me.

So, for a few hours each Wednesday on the weekly stream, I plowed through Undertale in five episodes. Not really planning to at the outset, I wound up taking the pacifist route (I'd heard it offered the best section of the story), taking it through the "neutral" ending and doing the additional stuff and getting to the so-called "true" ending. As far as the game itself goes, I'd say it certainly earned my ten dollars. Not without its flaws, but worth playing even just on the merits and uniqueness of the system itself. The shmup-style dodges go a long way in setting it apart from other RPGs, not just for its own novelty but because it allows each enemy encounter to feel particularly distinct not just in how you choose to resolve a fight, but by giving every encounter something unique that you've never quite seen before. I do wish that the equipment and inventory management had been handled better, and there were a couple of odd cases of incorrect grammar or pronunciation, but both of these are pretty forgivable sins considering the game's strengths. One of those biggest strengths has been the praise heaped on the game's characters, and while I found most of them likable enough in some form or another, I did feel at times like their depths is perhaps a bit oversold. I wound up being pleasantly surprised by Toriel and Alphys in particular by the end of the pacifist run, but others like Papyrus and Asgore felt pretty shallow in comparison. Asriel's story has plenty of twist to it, but at the same time I personally felt like the final encounter with him lacked something. You're made to sympathize with him by the end but I'm not sure you ever get quite enough of him to really sway that opinion and drive the point home by the time his final attacks roll through. Part of me kind of wishes that his "final form" were presented differently in general. The "save" mechanic was cool, but from a gameplay perspective it had already been somewhat handled better in the True Lab, where you have to parse out each piece of the amalgamations and recall the proper actions to take. The boss-saves in comparison came away feeling a bit less impactful, though I appreciate Toby's motivations in wanting the player to call back to their own experiences with those characters through the course of the game. I'm not entirely sure how it could have been handled better, but the "everyone is here to support you taking down the bad guy!" trope winds up returning a few too many times throughout the course of the ending(s) (at least three or four times I can recall off the top of my head) and while sometimes that sort of repetition can be used to drive a point home, here it just sort of felt like they couldn't come up with another theme to work in alongside the existing themes of friendship and determination. Ultimately I liked the characters and the plot, but I never really hit the emotional renaissance like so many others seem to have gone through.

Anyway, with all of that being said it may sound like my overall feelings on the game are kind of lukewarm, and that isn't true. I do believe it's a great game, but it never fully hit me in the heart like I halfway hoped it would. Ordinarily this, too, might not bother me much, but there's one other problem...

For the fact that I say it didn't quite hit me emotionally, I can't seem to get the damn thing out of my head.

Perhaps the fact that I'm writing a long-winded journal about it a week after the last time I played it was already evidence enough of this. Various parts of the soundtrack regularly find themselves floating through my head, and typically it doesn't take long for their associated parts of the game to mentally replay themselves to me. Certain lines have stuck with me to the point that I've looked back at my own stream and others' playthroughs to remind myself of the exact wording. Thinking about games is nothing new for me, but this odd magnetism toward recalling Undertale has reached highly unusual levels. Hell I've even made fanart for it, and that's something that basically never happens. During the course of two to three days, that one fanart idea grew to five or six. As a result, I've been trying to introspect a bit and figure out just why this particular game has had that staying power, but it's extremely hard to pinpoint.

As best I can figure so far, the biggest deal with Undertale to me isn't so much that it gripped me emotionally, and more that the game is just chock-filled with extremely memorable moments. But that being said, it's not like other RPGs don't have plenty of memorable moments of their own, so what is it about the way this game is written that lends itself so well to burying itself into your mind? I still don't know entirely. I have some loose theories about it, but perhaps those will be saved for a different time, given how long this journal is becoming already.

I suppose what I'd really like is to hear from some of the people for whom Undertale really has had a massive impact on. Why have these characters stuck with you compared to other, similar characters? Most of Undertale's cast tend to fit into decently common existing archetypes, albeit with the quirk-factor kicked up, but for whatever reason this group has proven to be ridiculously endearing anyway. Is it the fact that it's a "moral choice" game that actually calls you out for acting like a sadistic ass for no actual reason other than because you can? This entry is long enough already, but I may come back to this another time and touch on my thoughts some more, including the importance of music, and what I believe to be a unique way to "artificially" enhance the game's impact on the player in a subtle but brilliant way. Has a game ever really been important simply because it says it is? Curious.

Stay determined, har har.
-- Snowe

LIKE, FOR REAL.

IT'S JUST ABOUT TO START. GO GO GO.

http://original.livestream.com/noclipmode

I promise it won't crash and die an hour into the stream this time around!

Sorry, no fancy header-images for this one since the thought came up rather quickly, and I haven't been keeping up with the Wednesday Weekly streams anyway, but I figured enough people might be intrigued for me to give this a shot.

So! Undertale. Everybody who plays it seems to love it immensely and fall in love with at least a few of the characters. I, as a known skeptic and hipster, have some doubts...not about whether the game is good, but whether it's really going to have quite the emotional connection that so many have been singing praises about. At this point, there's only one way to find out, and that's by playing it myself! Come along and ride shotgun with me as I discover just what my twitter feed has been exploding about for the past three weeks!

I'm getting the stream set up now, hopefully beginning the show at 7pm Eastern, which is just a couple minutes from now. Stop by and say hi!
http://original.livestream.com/noclipmode

What tour of the world's ancient wonders would be complete without a trip into the Pyramid? In Illusion of Gaia, we've met Will's final transformation, and collected a couple of the hieroglyph tablets needed to progress deeper. In fact, depending on how long the final sections are, this might turn out to be the season finale for the game! We won't know until IoG kicks off at 8pm as per usual.

In the meantime, starting in just a minute here, I'll be live in-stream working on a new drawing for the weekend. Come on by, enjoy a little music, and chat it up with me as we welcome the evening along!
As always, it all goes down at http://original.livestream.com/noclipmode. See you soon!

-- Snowe

Looking back on last week's installment of Illusion of Gaia, it occurred to me that within the span of about an hour of playtime, we encountered two characters who wound up needlessly committing suicide. The hell, game, why you gotta be such a downer?

Here's hoping that the events this week have a bit more of a positive spin on them. We've met some very hungry villagers, but now that our issue with them has seemingly been settled, it should be on to the next ancient ruin and our next mystic statue. We're getting close to the endgame!
That portion of the stream will begin just after 8, but for now I'm going to start the stream early for a little drawing and some music. Come on by and hang!
http://original.livestream.com/noclipmode as per usual. See you there!

--Snowe

The Ruins of MU continue tonight, as we resume Illusion of Gaia after an unintended hiatus. We're on our way to the third Mystic Statue, and maybe if we're lucky, I might even track down the rest of my friends again.

Well, except the Princess. She can stay lost.

The gaming begins at 8 as usual, but come on by early for some music, drawing, and random chatter. It all begins now!
http://original.livestream.com/noclipmode, see you soon!

Wow, it's really been a long time since I posted an actual journal talking about these!

So, last week, we were told by a flute to travel the world and collect some statues or something for...some reason. We found a ship, which promptly got wrecked, all my friends have been eaten by a huge fish, and I most certainly did NOT develop feelings for the princess. Quite an opening couple of hours in Illusion of Gaia, huh?

We'll be picking it up again with episode 2 tonight at 8pm eastern, but in the meantime, I'm in the stream already to do a bit of doodling or other art catch-up work. Come on in and hang out before the main event!

It all happens at http://original.livestream.com/noclipmode as usual!
-- Snowe

It's been over seven months since I posted anything here that I actually created myself.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Yeah so having two journals covering the same event is probably a bit much, especially considering how long-winded the last one already was, but hey there was a lot on my mind coming off of this weekend, and it beats having my journal taken up with nothing but stream announcements. On the first MWFF journal I spoke in some pretty vague terms about my impressions of the con trip in general, so this one is going to be a bit more directed. Before I get to my personal shout-outs, there are a few smaller impressions I wanted to share about the con and the future.

- One of the things that really struck me, especially early on during my time there was the mentality of...I suppose I'll call it the different ways people at the con approached the division between "real life" and "character life." I attended the con as "Snowe," barely discussed my life at home aside from some complaining about my job, and never used my real name, but outside of explaining why I was wearing a suit all Saturday and barely making a passing vorish mention about the looseness of said suit, I feel like I acted pretty much the way I always do in my everyday life. In some way it felt a little contradictory, considering some of the more "in-character" behaviors I witnessed from others throughout the weekend. Looking back on it, I felt like I was kind of "too old" to just throw away inhibition, and while part of that might have just been first-con trepidation, I think a lot of it also speaks to the way my attitude has changed and matured over the last few years. That is not to say that I consider myself more "mature" than others at the con (I'm not) and it's not a judgement against those activities. It's just...a difference that I noticed. Ultimately I think my favorite moments of the con came when it was just me talking and hanging out with other people, and could practically forget that I was at a furry con at all. Never did I feel unwelcome, but there's also a part of me that questions whether I really "belong" at events like this. It's really difficult to properly explain, as you can tell.

- General con-life note: lots of people seem to have a tendency to flake on plans or take long amounts of time to decide on things. I am not immune to these pitfalls either, and definitely made a couple of mistakes that I regretted pretty immediately after the fact. In particular, my actions on Saturday evening and breakfast on Sunday had me pretty annoyed with myself and I humbly apologize for both of those snafus.

- If I ever do attend another con, I would definitely love to host another "private function," as it has come to be called...but I want it to be bigger next time. I feared things getting too out of control, but the result, while personally a very pleasant experience for me, also was way too restrictive in retrospect for a convention that's supposed to be all about creating and strengthening connections. In a way this follows back to my first point about my tastes feeling "old," but if that's the case, rather than worry about the ways I don't fit into the con, the better course of action is to bring my style to the con and cultivate the experience myself. Furries are a very diverse group, I know there are plenty of others out there who might enjoy what I can bring to the table...I've just got to find that group and do my part to bring it together.

Okay, that's it for overall con thoughts. Yes, finally! Before I finally sign off from this topic though, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge all of the people I met and dealt with at the con, and the impact that they've had on me. I don't know if all of these messages will reach who they're directed at, but I'd like it on record anyway.

- First of all a big thanks to  BlondeVelvet without whom the consideration of going never would have crossed my mind. I guess in the end your full-court press to get me there worked out after all, though for better or worse there was never any tying to room service carts. I know that in doing so you wound up feeling responsible for my having a good time, so I apologize for you dealing with that stress on my behalf, but you were a wonderful host and I hope you feel like your effort for my sake paid off. Additionally, the fact that you recognized the seriousness of the situation on Saturday night as quickly as you did and took leadership impressed me greatly. I can't even tell you how long I probably would have obliviously sat around wondering about the smell otherwise, so thank you for that as well.

- Props to  Kaoru for being willing enough to put up with sharing a room with me, and for generally being my guide to most of the people and places I encountered throughout the weekend. It's easy to see why you're such a popular force, both on Twitter and in-person! I also have to make mention of your courageous efforts during the evacuation. Between you and Blondie I kinda felt like a chump when it comes to situation management. :P
ALSO, I owe you a couple of good drinks and my sincerest apologies for my utter blunder on Saturday evening. It was never my intent to leave you out, but I thought at the time that you were still wrapped up in Artemis and never got back to giving you a proper heads-up like I said I would. I felt like a horrible person after the fact and it remains my biggest regret of the whole trip.

- I also want to thank  Leshana for graciously providing the additional room that Kaoru and I wound up using. Blondie may have provided the motivation to attend, but you provided the means at a time when my other avenues had already dried up. Not to mention that it's just cool to meet one of the vore community's technical wizards!

- To my fellow stream-loiterer  PWedulagro it was a pleasure meeting you in person! For as much as you talk about not being comfortable around people, I recognize what a big undertaking this was for you, so I feel a bit special being one of the few people in the community that have met you. Especially during "the" night, being thrust into a frightening situation and surrounded by people you were not familiar with under unknown conditions, I thought you handled yourself with a remarkable amount of composure. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, my friend. :)
Also thank you for breakfast!

On top of all this, there are a ton of people that I'd had minimal interaction with prior to attending the con that I met and spent varying amounts of time with. I'm trying to do my best to remember each and every one, but for being a first con that might be understandably tough. I'll list off as many shout-outs as I can though!

- Kamunt (Many thanks for providing the booze and Smash, it was probably the best ice-breaker I could have asked for.)
- Miateshcha (Great meeting and talking with you, and I'm very glad that you, Blondie, and Kamunt all came though alright. And your hat isn't stupid.)
- Arokha
- Nath (I will continue bugging you on Twitter. Sorry.)
- Aziel
- Furo
- Strega
- NegativeTheory
- Rivin
- Jack
- Jit
- Kimmy
- Missy Vixen
- Kaelis
- Lighter (major ego-stroke bonus points for being the first person I hadn't talked to prior to MFF who mentioned recognizing Snowe via artwork!)
- Burnide
- Dingo (and her ridiculously-handsome boyfriend whose name escapes me)
- Retna
- Big Dee (I know we never actually talked, but I'll certainly remember)

I know there were more but for some reason my mind isn't pulling all the names out right now. If you recall meeting me at MFF and aren't on this list already, please hit me up! And to each and every one of you: thank you for being there. Those three days are going to be with me for a long, long time and it's because of the people that I shared the time with. I tip my cap to you.

And with that, I think I've had quite enough retrospective for one con. And I'm sure you've had quite enough reading about it, too. So thanks to the readers as well for putting up with this much bear-rambling.

Until our paths cross once more,
-- Snowe

My alarm went off this morning as it always does. Back at home, back to work, and the usual routine of normalcy sets in. Following the end of the weekend, everything's back to the way it was before. Except it's really not the way it was before, not exactly.

My head's still swimming a bit following my journey to Chicago to attend Midwest FurFest 2014, partly (okay, largely) due to sheer exhaustion but also because the weekend as a whole has left me with so very much on my mind that it's been a struggle to adequately sort through all of my impressions and feelings. I've wanted all day to take some time and put these thoughts to paper (digitally) as best I can, for the sake of helping myself to organize it all, for the sake of giving proper respect and recognition to the events and the people that affected me while I was there, and, perhaps, for the sake of anybody out there that hasn't attended a convention of this sort in person. If anybody happens to get anything out of this, I'll call it the gravy upon the mashed-potato-volcano that the con itself already built.

To preface, I call this a "first timer's" account. Technically I have been to conventions before, at the time that was for anime-related things, not for furs. I've even attended a pair of such events in the very hotel that MWFF takes place in, although that was nearly ten years ago. This was my first-ever furry convention, and also the furthest I have ever traveled completely on my own. At my age it feels pretty shameful to admit that, but most of my travels up to now have involved going with family members. I don't typically vacation much. Anyway, the point being I was at least a little bit familiar with what it looks like to walk into a convention (particularly conventions taking place in the Hyatt Regency O'Hare), but given the difference of community involved in this one and the relatively solitary nature of my trip in the first place, there was a lot of trepidation involved. I've historically been a very private person. Nobody in my "real life" knows about the existence of Snowe or my involvement in this community, and only very rarely have I ever made mention of anything about my regular life around here, short of my close friends within the No-Clip group. The point being, going out of state to a convention kind of takes both problematic aspects of that divide and smashes them together. Aside from a passing mention to another supervisor at my job, nobody among my family and friends even knew I would be out of town this weekend, traveling to a place where nobody had ever met me before. Kind of surreal, to say the least. To make things even more interesting, within the first hour of my arrival I found out that I would in fact have a roommate (I wasn't sure beforehand if that would be the case or not), an entourage of about 7 folks followed me back to my car to retrieve my one suitcase and two additional bags, and it turned out that we were going to be one of the "party rooms," so the place was packed with about 10 folks yelling about Smash Bros and other stuff in general. I wouldn't say that the first few hours were overwhelming, exactly, but it definitely left me with little choice but to dive in headfirst. I have no idea if that's the best way to go for a first-timer or not, but I have to think it went decently well for me. At least I hope it did.

Like I mentioned, I've been pretty private and somewhat closed, even within the community here, so outside of a very scant few, I'd never even had much online interaction with the vast majority of people that were going to be at the con. I knew a few, and knew of a few more through artwork and other secondhand accounts who I assumed largely wouldn't know or recognize Snowe at all, but most everyone else I'd be encountering all had much larger networks, and had met each other at previous cons. I expected to walk into the few folks I knew hanging with a ton of folks I didn't and an endless string of in-jokes I would never fully understand the reference to. And that did happen! However, it only took until my first meal there to develop an in-joke story of my own at the expense of our Antichrist Overlord Toby Keith, and it was after that point where whatever remaining apprehension I had about dealing with other people at the con was tossed aside. From there the rest of the weekend turned into a series of events. There were thrills, spills (literally and figuratively), and chills, both in terms of just casually hanging out with people, as well as wandering the streets of Chicago at two in the morning in December wearing suit pants and a t-shirt. Speaking of which...

I can't not make mention of the "attack" that occurred in the wee hours of Sunday morning. It was a bit of a harrowing experience, to be sure, and obviously I'm extremely glad that everybody made it out without lasting damage, but in a certain bizarre way, I don't view it as a completely negative experience either, speaking strictly for myself. It allowed me a rare window to view some people and events in a way I hadn't before. It's said that bonds are formed through shared experience, whether good or bad, and for me, traveling the street, trying to work out where everyone was and find out if they were okay or not, waiting huddled together in the Hilton's ballroom, it's certainly an experience I'll never forget and ultimately I came away very impressed with everyone I'd already been spending the weekend with. I said this to a few of you on Sunday already, but I don't think I could have had a better group of people to go through a long, tough night with. Seemingly the theme of the following morning with most people I talked to was "trust me, most cons aren't like this!" in some apparent attempt to convince me not to immediately flee in abject horror, but honestly, from the point where we were waiting semi-stranded on one of the hotel balconies all the way until I finally hit the bed again after 6am, I never regretted my decision to come. Some asshole trying to ruin the party isn't worth separating myself from a community of people that, if anything, I now feel like I should strengthen my ties to, rather than run away from.

By the time everything was said and done, Chicago was behind me and the long road home stretched ahead, I started to wonder about how going to this convention would impact me, and I wondered in equal measure if I had any impact on the con in turn. I don't really have any idea what sort of impression I gave off to the people I spent time with at MWFF, but...in some ways, that in and of itself is part of the point of a con like this in the first place, isn't it? A place for people with one similar interest but a tremendous variety of differences, all acting freely as themselves without undue concerns about being judged for it...perhaps a bit more romanticized than it really is in practice (even at a fur-con I wouldn't recommend acting like a total ass, and I hope I never came off that way), but the sentiment is there. If nothing else, it provided an illuminating experience for me to see a lot of people in-person that up until now I'd only heard about online in various ways. I don't yet know if I'll attend another furry convention, and if so I don't know how long it might be before that happens, but I think I now understand why so many people find so much value in them. Hell, thinking back, outside of a jaunt into the dealer's den that probably only lasted 5 minutes at most, I never even took part in any of the official convention activities. The whole of my time was just spent being with people, and I'm completely fine with that. It's always going to be the people, in the end.

Ultimately, my mindset going in was to treat this with an open mind. I expected it to be an adventure, in some form, and I definitely got that. I expected to collect a memorable moment or two, and I came out with unforgettable moments in spades. I hoped to strengthen the few ties with people I already knew there, and perhaps even pick up a new friend or two. Whether those pan out or not will take time to find out...but I want to put forth the effort to at least try.

Believe it or not, there's actually a fair bit more that I wanted to say. Specifically I want to shout out to a lot of the people I met and spent time with at the con, because I have words for each of you that I didn't have the time or the wherewithal to get out while I was with you in person. But...this journal is already far long enough as it is, and it's too late into the night for me to keep going and be able to even remotely function at work in the morning. I'll have more tomorrow. If you've already been patient enough to read through all of this, A) You're a complete saint and deserve a cookie, and B) stay tuned. I'll probably sneak a few kudos on Twitter as well while at work, to the folks whose handles I happen to already know.

For now, a tremendous thank-you to everyone who put up with my sarcastic quips and who so easily welcomed me into the fold. It's been a hell of a ride.
-- Snowe

The Wednesday Weeklies over at No-Clip Mode have been rolling onward despite my relative lack of journals about it, since I know Tactics isn't necessarily everyone's cup of tea. Tonight though, we take a break from the strategery in order for me to revisit one of my favorite personal challenges:

It's time for a Super Mario Bros 3 No-powerups run! What does it entail and how successful will I be? Only one way to find out! The stream begins as soon as I'm done posting this announcement, so you better hurry!

http://www.livestream.com/noclipmode Drop on by!
-- Snowe

In just about fifteen minutes, the whole No-Clip Mode crew will be getting together for our second weekly Torchlight 2 team-up! Join us as we raid through dungeons, battle fierce creatures, and amass mountains of that sweet, sweet loot.

We begin at 9:30 eastern (8:30 central for our host, Quasi), if you're late....well, we'll be disappointed. You don't want to disappoint us...do you?
http://www.livestream.com/noclipmode

-- Snowe

Anyone who recognizes that line in the title knows what's coming next. :P

It's another season premiere on the No-Clip Mode Wednesday Weekly game stream! After a break last week to spend some birthday time with Glitch, I'm back with more gaming to bring an end to the midweek point. After the relatively recent Transistor was finished up, we get back into some more retro feelings this week with the cult classic Enix action-RPG, E.V.O.: The Search for Eden. This game is a creationist's worst nightmare!

We'll be getting started in just a minute, so grab some popcorn and find a seat before things kick off and we learn about the origin of life on Earth!
http://www.livestream.com/noclipmode

-- Snowe

http://www.livestream.com/noclipmode

Wednesday evening comes around once more, and that means that it's Wednesday Weekly Stream time again too! This week we're continuing with my first-run playthrough of Reboo--er...I mean Transistor. Seriously, the computer motif is strong with this one. Join me as we forge onward with Red in her search for answers and revenge against the mysterious group that tried to murder(?) her!

We'll be getting started in just a moment, so don't dally about!
-- Snowe

I'm not usually one to endorse people's "emergency donation" causes, but last year a friend of mine was served a terrible tragedy with some wild circumstances, and now the time has come when they could really use some support from anyone with the means and the heart to help.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6000485/

I won't ask or tell people to donate, but I urge you to at least go and take a look into the story. You just might surprise yourself.
Thank you,
-- Snowe

I guess you could technically call this a season finale since I intend to beat Super Mario 64 on the stream tonight, but considering I just started it up last week that doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment.

Nevertheless! Stop on by http://www.livestream.com/noclipmode and join me as I complete the back half of one of my personal favorite games of all time. It promises to be a grand adventure full of both successful and unsuccessful attempts on my part to style my way through most levels. :P

We start at 8, that's in just a couple minutes!
-- Snowe

I am a twit.

https://twitter.com/Snoobur

Feel free to follow. And stuff. If you want to. It's a brave new world for me.

Holy crap it's finally back!

Fortunately nobody was near or at death this week, which means I'm finally not at work late on Wednesday, and that means it's finally time for us to reach the end of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. We have everything we need to stop the moon, now the only task left is to stop the mask itself, and save Termina from the curse of Bill Murray.

We'll be getting underway right quick at http://www.livestream.com/noclipmode, so drop on by and enjoy!

-- Snowe

The forces of life and death continue conspiring to ensure that Majora's Mask will never be completed. Seriously.

I'm working late again tonight, which means that the Wednesday Weekly is once again off for the third time in four weeks. I'm not terribly pleased by this, but eh, not much I can do about it. HERE'S HOPING that I'll finally be able to resume things next Wednesday, and finish that moon off once and for all!