But mostly there. Just about 3 months worth of being unemployed without unemployment will do that to you! However, the light is at the end of the tunnel as I have managed to at long last, acquire employment through Volt. I am in fact, doing my drug test here shortly <3

Life if my new place has been... good and bad. I am convinced that the house has some sort of depression causing ability, as well as having to need to services of an exterminator and a plumber at some point. The shower needs to be fixed at some time, and its not something us non-professionals can really do. I want a nice shower. I miss those. The cold water 10 minute shower does nothing to relax me.

Been working on some arts in the background, and also some writing. Unfortunately I will have not been able to complete the NaNoWriMo challenge. Since I will be working with Volt and Apple however, I have managed to borrow a MacBook and an iPod touch to learn on. So that's good I suppose. Gone back to fiddling on Second Life just a bit.

My MUSH has stalled out yet again, once more due to the lack of a coder to help out. I'm trapped by some sort of brain freeze when I try to work out the database for chargen. So I dunno there.

On better news, two of my close friends, Leapri and Ian, have done a whole lot to keep my mood up and be absolute awesome friends this time, even with only the internet to do so with. Helio's been helping out too, and between the three of them I might just pull this off without once more getting beat back to uselessness.

Unemployment decided to NOT give me checks contrary to their previous decision, and on top of that, want me to pay back ALL the money I got when I was unemployed a year and a half ago. So Unemployment wants to charge me (a freshly unemployed person whose reserves went away waiting for that first check) a little over $3000 for having been unemployed before.

I don't understand this. I'm appealing.

You know what might work better? Rather then drop all the taxes into a big pool, you just drop the taxes into little accounts on a per person basis which then bleeds out during a claim. I like to think I pay taxes for a service down the road that is provided to all taxpayers. I suppose not everyone likes to think of it that way.

Gotta get through my records to build an appeal case, though! So that's what I'm stuck doing today. Digging through paperwork and cleaning up enough to actually do something with said paperwork.

Wish me luck.

No further news on the Navy.

Interview didn't go so well. I feel vastly unqualified for that job anyway. Its a shop staffed by people with 20+ years of experience across multiple dealerships. No other callbacks yet.

UI Interview on Monday. UI first claim form goes out on monday as well. I hope I can at least get that to keep me afloat. Its fall, out of the hiring season for automotive.

Got a job interview on friday for some place I've never heard of. Two dealerships seemed interested in me, including a Toyota one. UI also gave me good news. I just have to mail back proof of who I am and then they will give me monies to help me get by until a job lands.

In other news. Its f-ing hot today, and my truck's A/C kinda sucks (as in, doesn't really work). So I'm a wee bit brain fried.

So today is my birthday. I am getting older. My employer's gift was of course termination, although one of my friends gave me a webcam session today without realizing it was a nice present.

Today will be spent doing some rafting down the American River, thanks to my parents, and I'm still debating heading down to LA to spend some time with one of my oldest friends as well as get away from sacramento for a bit. Unfortunately for me, I still need to make sure I get my resumes done and start my job hunt.

Almost removed from my previous place of employment. Just have to grab the Snap-On toolbox and my smog license and I'm good to go.

Mixed feelings. Last birthday was a trip to Disneyland with my BF and it was funs. This year is... kinda blah so far. It is however, crunch time to get myself into engineering. Since I have been terminated it gives me some time to get my act together. Gotta look on the bright side or I'll get depressed...

In unrelated news, I spent the majority of today with a KILLER sinus headache of unknown source, that happened to involve passing out for close to 6 hours after getting my toolbox home. Weird.

So yeah. Apparently I have been let go from my place of work due to being 2 minutes late yesterday, being the excuse they were looking for to can me.

I had just gotten enough money saved up to get my own place again. *sigh*

And I have to move the RV as well now, which means I need to get the tank back in it and fire it up. No place to park it.

So... I've got a month before I'm back to being homeless. I dunno what to do anymore. Kinda feel like giving up on everything x_x I hope I recover soon. I like to work.

... seems to be me. Somewhere, between losing my last BF, losing my apartment, and moving onto a couch and a computer desk, I've lost all ability to plan my day. This even extends to planning my life as a whole. As such I've been missing events left and right, important ones that I want to spend with my friends.

This has severely halted my ability to even pretend to be remotely reliable. I've lost my vision for my future, and my perception of the present in one fell swoop.

There are plenty of things I could blame this on; the 45 minute drive to and from anywhere, the constant 10+ hour days at work, the lack of availible capital to fund doing anything, my lingering depression, and other. However, the core of the problem is my complete and utter lack of control of my own time, the lack of planning, and having willingly given up control of my own time to the whims of the world.

This has happened to me before, I know how to get out of it now that I have realized it. The tools are a little rusty, and I need to invest in them a bit to get them back up to speed. I will be attempting to do so here in the next couple of weeks.

Got a bead on a place to move into that's within my strained budget. Its not the best place in the universe, and a far cry from my own place (I'm moving in as a roommate) but there is no possibility of relationship issues. Know a few places close to work I can get gym memberships to, so I can get my body back into shape for the stamina I'll need to drag myself kicking and screaming to college. I also know what classes I need to acquire, to further my education to get a better job.

It all starts with planning. And as a side effect of trying to pull this off, I may just get back to being a reliable friend.

So close, I can't wait. Tomarrow, I officially kill off my 2nd credit card. This will be my last VISA card to bite the dust, leaving me with only my American Express (which I will still use just a lot more carefully) and my Snap-On credit (which I will probably devour again for a new toolbox).

However, this is awesomely good news! Soon, I will have monies freed up for things like getting my room for FC (assuming it isn't already sold out).

Then getting room party stuffs. Want to do an 80's themed party. Also still need to find volunteers for fursuit lounge repairs...

My phone is down again, twice now for a hardware glitch where the phone won't recognize the removal of the hands-free headphones that come with the Palm Pre.

Last time I brought it in for this problem they just replaced the whole lower half. Apparently repairing a Palm Pre is replacing the front, or the back half. And that's that.

Anyway, this means after work I'm headed to the sprint store, then I will spend an hour over at Lumberjacks while I wait for the people to fix my phone again... which means I need to re-backup all the information during work. *sigh* Additionally the speaker is buzzing again, although that may just be because the thing attracts iron filings like no tomarrow. if I get a new lower half I'm putting some tape over the speaker hold from the inside to keep stuff out!

Maybe I should see if they'll let me trade over to a Blackberry or something.

I've been slowly trying to get out from underneath the rock that I live under. It is unfortunate that I am stuck out in suburbia, away from everyone and everything... rent is nice, but I feel like the singular desk and couch that currently comprise my universe stores my stuff by siphoning my soul. I've missed every single art night for over a month now. I just finally made it to a night at Club after helping fix a friends computer over the week. Still, life leaves me feeling drained and wanting.

When I was just worried about getting the next paycheck done, I could ignore my living situation, my slowly degrading health, or the lack of any of my medium and low priority personal effects. Now that I'm nearing the payoff on my 2nd credit card, and the attack of the third, not to mention college (again) and possibly moving out of state, I'm looking up and seeing just how bleak things actually are. This has established itself as a block in my ability to use my time for constructive, creative things. I haven't made anything prior to this last sunday for a long time... I have merely consumed other's creations.

Hopefully I can get over this and make some headway. My project list grows longer and longer, as I am not removing things from it, merely benching things until I can "finish" them. I need to change that. My car needs new tunes and the subs reinstalled, my sketchbook needs more art, my MUSH project needs to be made, my classes chosen and finalized, application letters sent... ugh.

Its a long way up to trying to get myself comfortable again. I just hope I can do it before I fall into another hole.

So this last week I went to commencement, and am now considered a graduate with a degree in the mail whenever the Junior College gets finished with its re-certification or what have you. it was an interesting day; both of my parents were out of town, I'm in a long-distance semi-relationship, and it was drizzly the day... but I was incredibly excited by it. Thankfully one of my older sac-area friends was able to show up and cheer me on, even bringing his friend and his mom. Most do not know that I never actually graduated from high school. Rather, I got a GED and left the crappy schools I had available after the move to Sac-a-tomatoes. So this was interesting for me. I got to shake the hand of the Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the College, got to listen to some speeches... it makes me wish I had gone through and submitted my own.

The strangest feeling to come from all of this though is the sudden gap in my turbulent life, where I'm almost at a loss. No college has responded to me for fall semester so I'm going to punt for a late admission or spring from my top 4 choices, and I suppose if that doesn't go through it'll be night classes at ARC or Sac State. Still... I'm free.

For the last 8 years I've been more or less anchored to Sacramento because of college; none of my core credits were transferable and my grades kind of sucked without a degree to back them up. Now I can ditch this state and pursue my dreams, but it also means another large, scary step forward. I'm still working on paying off my credit cards, which is good, but I know I can't keep up the job I'm in forever: the work stress is starting to breach my ability to take it without changing some core habits.

Nonetheless, I have finally graduated, with an Associates of Science in some long Automotive Technician degree name ^.^ Go me! Now if only I could find that bottle of Vixen Wine I was supposed to drink... I settled for the Sophia Blush that I was supposed to pop open when I paid off my first credit card.

I've been really quiet lately, primarily due to my workload, and secondly because I am trying to get myself back into a state of organized chaos, instead of simply chaos.

Flate rate is the horrors I predicted it would be for me, finally. After doing so well on customer work, they started to give out all the easy jobs that I can make money on to other people, and sticking me with the headaches that I can never make time on. So I routinely work 9-10 hour days with a 1 hour commute to and from work. This eats the day away and leaves me exhausted and unable to do much but check a few image boards and occasionally play EvE Online.

This will not do. I have to resubmit college applications (although I'm probably out of time for this next year), renew my smog license credentials, build my FC project fursuit, get back into art, and learn the f-ing guitar. While inspired by Rhentin, I'm also getting reinspired by http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ4gRZN3u98 <- This guy. It helps he looks sexy in a skirt and does cosplay :D

I'm down to 1500 left on my second credit card, and if things continue to go decently well I can wiggle out from underneath the credit cards by next semester start up -- my original plan.

Primarily though, I'm suffering from a rather insane lack of time management. The lack of planning out my to-do list day to day, coupled with the stupid, unreliable work schedule (some days I'm bored and make no money, other days I'm throwing tools and parts around and ready to murder people -- and that's without the days I work 14 hours JUST to finish a car for a problem customer, who then talks behind my back) make for days that just don't fit into planning.

Stuff I want to do:

DnD Weekly.
1 Hour Workouts Daily.
Club / Drawing Weekly.
Guitar Practice / Learning Daily.
Work on my MUSH.
Spend more time with friends, online and RL.
Take over EvE. Well, part of it. A big part.
Give back to the Furry Community.
Go to furry meetups Weekly.

Gotta get my clothes out of the drier so I can head down to San Jose today. I'm working on that last point at long last :D

So... haven't been feeling all that well emotionally lately. It seems FC managed to give me almost a month of bliss where I could just grind through my work, but it has run its course.

I'm tired, lonely, and apathetic.

This has happened before, last time I became single again, only my circle of friends is much smaller, and I just don't simply want to try again.

Unfortunately it has a side effect of having me withdraw from most of my social networks. FaceBook, FA, most of the online games I play, etc... So if I've been really slow on returning comments, please forgive me. I haven't even finished any art in a month. I'm hoping once the latest blow to my life is somewhat stable (they renegotiated my terms of compensation at work without consent) I can make a bit of a recovery.

Freedom to me is fighting for the right of people doing that which I do not like to continue to do so, as long as it does not directly harm another person.

Freedom involves knowing when you are harming another person, and using this knowledge to stop yourself, without having to rely on the crux of law to show you where the edges are.

Freedom cannot be won, only continually sought out and protected. The best means are through words, logic, and expressive arts.

True Freedom requires education, wisdom, a moral base with which to judge yourself based on the effects you have on other people, and tolerance. Not everyone wishes for your same definition of 'freedom'.

True Freedom is unfortunately, a myth to strive for, and cannot be realized fully from what I currently understand.

1.Are you single or taken?
At the moment, single. Not really looking, but I have people asking me, which is nice.

2. Chocolate or flowers?
It is not the gift, but the card that comes with it (and ergo, the emotion), mind you I am allergic to flowers...

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
Art gifts for the two nicest people I know. Hopefully. There was rumors of something else going on for Valentines day.

4.Do you like anyone?
I like a lot of people, unfortunately at the moment I'm still stinging from being dumped a second time. We'll see. The heart is an interesting thing.

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
Sorta.

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
Dinner Date, Soft Music under the Stars, cuddled up on a blanket next to the Car. Something that can't be done in places where it snows :D

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
Its another reason to try and celebrate, unfortunately said celebration has been very muted as of late.

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I believe so. It was not acted upon however.

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
I would bust out some of my super-rusty poetry skillz.

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
Eh.

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
If I ask they will help me find presents for my valentine, but otherwise no.

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
Not for years.

13. Do you like candy hearts?
... I keep spare boxes year round.

15. Is Valentines day depressing?
Its disheartening usually but not depressing.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
Not for a professional environment, its not something I can usually do due to reputation issues involved in my homophobic workplace, but casually? Its nice to be able to love and be loved in public.

17. How is your love life?
Pretty darn dead at the moment. Hoping it will pick up later this year, though. I wonder some days if my heart has turned into an emotionless pump over the years.

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
No... but I did have an ex take someone else out on a date, spend a night of passion with them, then tell me all about it the next day.

19. How many roses would you want?
A single rose for emotion, two roses together to symbolize a relationship.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next Valentines?
Probably not by this year officially. Maybe looking into one. Its still too soon to be serious about relationships for me, at least until I get to interact with people in person.

So two bits of news to post about (since I just tried to post it and FA ate my post). The first is my main computer is more or less dead. I have been running Windows XP forever and a day, through multiple hardware changes, and a few disk mirrors to get it to continue to work. It has been hanging on through an amazing number of glitches that somehow cause it to work.

One of my hard drives began to file and kill my SATA access speeds. I did not have the space availible to back the HD up and so have been 'dealing with it'. Last month however, I got a new 1.5Tb drive (Usable: 1.3Tb. 200gig is a whole hard drive, wtf?) and since I did this, a copy of Win7 Professional has fallen into my lap.

Unfortunately installing the new HD upset the careful balance of glitches and warnings, and so my boot drive has since decided to cease to function. Luckily I have a copy of WinXP that still sorta works from last mirror, but now I can't get the Win7 DVD to boot... my bios doesn't like boot from SATA DVD. All my IDE40 DVD drives are toast. On top of that I want to go 64 bit and I can only upgrade to the 32 bit version off of XP32... and I'm running dual 64 bit opterons.

If anyone knows how to set up a boot USB stick or something to slide over to 64 bit mode so I can install this OS, let me know?

Other news! I blame  touchmybadger for this one... I have a new fursuit concept. Its more then just a suit, its a whole character actor role. Thankfully the wonderful community of SacFurs that does craft night likes the idea too... This suit will have their own FA account. :D

Myself, I have a long list of things to do for this character including: Seriously getting back into shape, learning to play the guitar, learning funk guitar, and doing a lot of voice study and imitation research. Not to mention I have to start studying movements and body language to pull this off... if I do, though? It will be awesome in a diamond-studded can. Also enough LEDs and fiber optics to scare people.

Taken from  Paige

To play:
- Write yes or no and an explanation under each achievement [if you want]. Try to keep the format, and use your own judgement!
- Add up your score.
- Post your score total with the journal's subject. (ie., "Furry Achievement Score: X")



"Waited In Line For Blotch Porn"
Parameters: Go/went to a furry convention.
Score: 50 (50)
Completed?: Been to... lots. Waited in line for a commission, although it was not porn :D


"Rug Burn"
Parameters: Do/did the business, with one or more partners in a fursuit.
Score: 50 (25)
Completed?: Partner in a partial. On retrospect it was both cute and something like a B horror movie I suppose. We both had fun though, which is the important part!

"It's Like A Miniature Convention!"
Parameters: Go/went to a furmeet.
Score: 30 (30)
Completed?: SacFurs meets, yo. We build fursuits, play video games, and occasionally take over miniature golf courses.

"FURtune 500"
Parameters: Have over 10,000 views.
Score: 30 (0)
Completed?: Still need to improve my art. Or draw more Taur Bondage / Porn :D

"High Roller"
Parameters: Have your character drawn by an artist that has over 100,000 views.
Score: 30 (30)
Completed?: Commissions count, right? Right? >.> By the by, if you can commission  Kacey she is an incredibly nice artist and makes everything look awesome.

"Friends In High Places"
Parameters: Have gift art of your character from an artist.
Score: 20 (0)
Completed?: No gift art as of yet. I'm too stealthy for that!

"Different Strokes"
Parameters: Own/owned/used an animal-molded, or furry-oriented, sexual toy.
Score: 20 (20)
Completed?: ... and I was idly drooling at the Bad Dragon table. Curse my budget.

"So, Yeah"
Parameters: Have more furry friends than non-furry friends in real life.
Score: 20 (20)
Completed?: Oddly enough yes. I had to think about this one, but I've been slowly converting my friends.

"Stalker"
Parameters: Be friends with an artist.
Score: 20 (20)
Completed?: OMG yes. Its incredible to hear bizarrely cool concepts then see them finished, too.

"Connected"
Parameters: Have a total combined buddy count [on AIM, MSN, Skype or etc.] of 200 or more.
Score: 20 (0)
Completed?: Ninja bat-fox-doohicky. Yes.

"Just For The Art"
Parameters: Draw anthropomorphic art.
Score: 20 (20)
Completed?: >.> <.< Maaaaaaybe. *cough*

"Dramatic"
Parameters: Have a LiveJournal, Facebook, FurAffinity, DeviantArt, and a Twitter account.
Score: 20 (10)
Completed?: Missing DeviantArt and Twitter. That's over 50% though, right?

"Get Over It"
Parameters: Have/had a spouse/partner/significant other/mate/whatever, in real life, that is a furry.
Score: 20 (20)
Completed?: Twice! I got let go both times. They had to go in a different direction, outsourcing was involved. It still hurts a bit, in fact.

"Vanilla"
Parameters: Have nonsexual art of your character.
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: Of course. I'm not that much of a perv :D

"O MURR"
Parameters: Use/used the word 'yiff', 'scritch', or 'paw' when talking to a non-furry friend in real life.
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: Accidental, I swear. And usually it is 'Oh murr'. I feel odd about it, on second thought.

"And All I Got..."
Parameters: Own a distinctly 'furry' t-shirt [something made by furries and/or for furries].
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: Michelle Light shirt and a bunch of furry con shirts.

"I'm Not Even Trying"
Parameters: Have some form of furry porn on your desktop [whether as wallpaper or a file].
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: It vanishes and re-appears, but there's a reason I passlock my compy :D

"UNLESS IT'S A FARM!"
Parameters: Play/played Team Fortress 2 on a furry server.
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: Yus. I sucked really bad at it.

"Such A Cock"
Parameters: Listen/listened to a 2 the Ranting Gryphon rant.
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: Back in the day, at least.

"Friends With Benefits"
Parameters: Commissioned/commission artwork of a friend's character.
Score: 10 (0)
Completed? Tried. Didn't have the budget D:

"Anti-Uppity"
Parameters: Have sexual artwork of your character.
Score: 10 (10)
Completed?: I drew it for a close friend to cheer them up, oddly enough.

"Don't Knock It 'Til You Try It"
Parameters: Roleplay/roleplayed your character over a messenger service/in a game of some sort.
Score: 5 for having done it at all, +5 for having done sexual roleplay. (10)
Completed?: Far too often.

"NO FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY!"
Parameters: Post/posted on 4chan or SomethingAwful.com
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: 4chan! There are some worthwhile things there. Like miku monday.

"Furries Ruin Everything"
Parameters: Post/posted a furry image on 4chan.
Score: 5 (0)
Completed?: Err, I'm in stealth mode there, though.

"You're Doing It Wrong"
Parameters: Post/posted on fchan or TGFB (http://dammitfreehaven.com/).
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: Fchan still has great bat threads on occasion.

"The Greater Good"
Parameters: Post/posted an image on e621.net.
Score: 5 (0)
Completed?: Browse only alas.

"O.. murr"
Parameters: Use/used the word 'yiff', 'scritch', or 'paw' when talking to a furry friend in real life.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: Scritching ftw?

"How Did That Get There?"
Parameters: Have a folder dedicated to furry porn.
Score: 5 for having a folder, +5 for having a folder of 1gb or larger. (10)
Completed?: It does have duplicates admittedly.

"THIS IS THE REAL ME! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
Parameters: Commission art of your character.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: Badges. Lots of badges.

"SRS BSNS"
Parameters: Tell/told a parent/friend that you are a furry.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: Friends, parents, not coworkers :D

"Ding, DONG"
Parameters: Have a male character.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: Indigo, the basis for my current fursona, is in fact male.

"Tits or GTFO"
Parameters: Have a female character.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: My original online fursona was female.

"It's A Trap!"
Parameters: Have a herm/shemale/transgendered/etc. character.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: My current preferred form, Solaxy, is a herm usually.

"Dime A Dozen"
Parameters: Did/do another furry meme.
Score: 5 (5)
Completed?: Been trying to keep up with them when I can.

"You're It!"
Parameters: Tag at least 1 person after doing this meme.
Score: 5 (0)
Completed?: ... it would be useless! :D Either someone will jump for it or not.

Score: 380 ... do I get a cool hat now? :D

Well, first off the location this year is amazing, and the hotel is huge! It seems to be accepting the random throngs of furryness quite well, including the massive amounts of very sexy fursuits. Thus far the only issue I've had is the panels are a little spread out, and the dealer's den (as large as it is) does not have appropiate space for rows for more then 2 people side by side (or a single suiter).

Met a lot of people I like to talk to. Been very social so far. Alas, my random search for a romantic fling has been coming up dry. I'm appearently funny but not appealing. I should correct this over the next year.

Got an AWESOME badge done of my batness. It will be scanned when I get home.

Male side:

[ ] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[ ] Dogs are better than cats
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt. (Mechanic's Humor)
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture
[x] Sad movies suck
[ ] You own an X-Box. (Used to...)
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[x] You watch sports on TV. (World Cup ftw)
[ ] Gory movies are cool.
[x] You go to your dad for advice.
[x] You own, like, a trillion baseball caps. (Hope all my car logo stuff counts)
[ ] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[ ] It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[ ] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[ ] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[x] Sports are fun.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth.
[x] Wear boxers.
Male Points Total= 10

Female side:

[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[x] You love to shop
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[x] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[x] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[x] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[ ] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] You like wearing jewelry.
[x] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. (Used to be, can't quite fit in 'em at the moment...)
[x] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. (online -- computer parts count right?)
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[x] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[ ] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[ ] You care about what you look like.
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[ ] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] You wear girl underwear. (they are comfy)
[x] Used to play with dolls as little kid. (... don't ask)
[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.

Female Points Total= 12


... as lifted from Ruffy's journal (and I'm bored and taking a break from building my fursuit). Oddly enough I got more girl side then male side for once. I must be slipping.

I foresee some issues with this, as both sides seem to be focused on different areas without much overlap, or some are just overlap because there is nothing to distinguish the sides except for something minor.

I wanted to call this some sort of art gifting, but its not quite that simple. I've been practicing my art for a couple months now by using live models at Asylum Night at the club I go to. The variety and fit and body styles of the people that go are amazing. So I take a picture or two, and then redraw them as a furry using their build and outfit of the time.

So I'm wondering what the chances of me doing this at FC would be like. Admittedly, I'm a very slow artist and I plan on hitting a few panels (and hopefully the masquerade) so I'm not sure how many full page line art pieces I could do... but... I can give some back. Not only that, but I can also do nudes if people would like me to, admittedly that would have to be live drawn or they'd really have to trust me.

The only issue is I don't remember very many 'interesting' outfits at last FC... furries tend to be pretty tame and comfy, with a few notable exceptions I might have trouble getting the courage to ask. I have an enormous love of exotic, layered clothing... especially with a goth leaning, or a well-matched raver set.

Mind you, I also intend to take a small handful of requests while I'm there. Practice is practice after all! I'm nowhere near the artist that some of my friends and some of my inspiration may be at, but art makes the fandom continue to wriggle.

It took me a while to think of this, as 2009 was an interesting year for me. A good friend of mine pulled me out of my shell in 09, I lost a room mate, gained a boyfriend, then lost a roommate and a boyfriend, lost my job, gained a job, paid back debt, and re-acquired it. That's two boyfriends leaving me, for opposite reasons now, and each time it cuts far deeper then I care to show.

Overall, I would say I didn't get all that much out of '09, in fact I would dare say I'm a little worse for wear. I'm fairly convinced that I am the root cause of relationship failures, and that my inability to discover why will keep any new relationships from blossoming. I lost my independence... two years on my own free from family caught in the whirlpool of ill intent of California's economy, through no fault of my own. I started, stopped, started, and stopped again the Startide MUSH project... heck MU*s in general I have been reduced to fitful spurts on and off, same with IRC.

Of my accomplishments... my 'fursona' has changed, incorporating more features of a bat then a fox (although my fox tail will most likely stay for eternity). The last class I needed for my AS was completed, although I discovered I do not have the UC GE credits I thought I did. My computer, as damaged as it is getting (5 USB ports down, one memory bank driver down, and it just started eating one of my HDs) still trucks along with purpose, and my thrice-failed server will finally get a new chance at life in an IBM xServer 335. Its going in as a top of two other servers for load sharing and data redundancy, too... of course its quintipled in size.

My art has improved somewhat from last year, I'm looking more into outfits since my friend got me to get the courage to ask people at club to pose for me. I've also started looking at background a bit more. I went ahead and salvaged myself a small wacom tablet as well, to try doing digital works and see how that pans out.

Still, the ache in my heart has left a poor taste in my mouth of 09, not helped by having to bum a couch from family, and unable to even use my backup RV, due to code inspection at my friends.

Here's hoping 2010 is a little better overall.

-- FC UPDATE --

I will be attending FC. I have a room in the proper hotel. I can even host room parties or have some people sleep over if they need it, space can be free for cuddles <3

Still considering doing a game demo this year as well. Dunno yet. Working on a fursuit to be in the masquerade. omg its hard.

Where are you staying?
Fairmont... hopefully? Still planning that.

Who will you be with?
No one. I'm all alone. *sniff* Probably have extra space to rent or loan out.

Do you do trades?
Not really, but if you ask nice I'll try to draw something for you.

What suits will you have?
Quite possibly my Indigo bat, if I finish him.

What is your gender?
Male

How old are you?
26

Can I touch you?
Yes

Can I talk to you?
Of course.

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
If you want I guess. Not really big on not carrying my own way, honestly.

Can I give you lots of money?
... I... guess? o.O

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Sure?

How tall are you?
5'10"

You look pissed off out of suit can I come up to you?
If I look pissed off... I probably am. So yes... but I may bite.

Are you nice?
Usually. I can get pissy, though. Such is usually obvious by facial expression.

Are you cliquey?
Not really, no. I tend to hang out with the Gamers/RPGers. I do go to panels. I'm friendly, usually.

Can I stalk you?
If you can, I will be impressed. People *looking* for me usually have a hard time.

How long are you going?
No Idea. Plans in Progress (I like 'em last minute).

Do you have an artist table?
Nothing sellable, really.

Do you like parties?
Yus. Especially after drinking with the klingons. Can never find them though...

If i see you, how should i get your attention?
Saying "Hi" and waving sometimes works, or a hug if I know you vaguely from somewhere.

---

I'm kinda looking forward to FC. I'm without someone to go *with*, but I know people that will be there. So we'll see. Plus I may be a batty which is awesome. If all hotel plans fail I'll go to SoCal to visit an old friend instead. >.<

Life is a little bleak right now. Not entirely bad mind you, but a little bit bleak. I'm doing my daily 1 hour commute both ways, still don't have any territory of my own, and dealing with stress that refuses to go away. It is good then, that I have started being able to just make the motions as if I'm really in control when I have in fact lost most of it.

My finances should be on track. If I had some of the help I had requested I'd be in a better state, but I'm squeaking by enough to manage to get myself some project materials to play with on my limited time off. I may have to bag going to FC though which would be quite a disappointment. Then again, my fursuit has stalled on the next critical step of head creation so it may not be that bad after all. My plans for a computer upgrade are likewise on hold. Then again, I really don't need one just yet I've discovered.

Life however... it just goes. I go into work, hammer stuff out, head back to my couch, and sleep for the most part. I nabbed the free re-trail of Eve Online and am futzing with it again. Its fun, but not something I can do without a real place for a computer; it crashes my laptop while rendering multiple transparencies. I'm hoping, HOPING that down the line this part of my life will have some better meaning, but for now all I can think about is being cold and alone. I've had offers to take me in, but I'm still stuck till graduation or I forfeit the last 8 years of my life.

Did get to doodle a bit recently though. Hopefully I'll have something to show for it tonight if I can find a way to ink it and scan it in. I can't find any of my inking supplies though.

Just going through the motions, day by day. Let the days blur together, lose yourself in them. Then, when it comes time to reawaken, it will be in a better state. Hopefully. Or a new hell. That's the problem with not really having any control over yourself. You get to take what comes.

So I managed to somehow get everything moved out on time, although Comcast didn't pick up their modem when they said they would and now they want to charge me $500 for it... but that aside, I got all set up and am officially a homeless bum... its so bad I'm down to nabbing a couch from my parents (I don't rate a room at the moment). The RV electrical system was toasted by the first rains so its fairly unusable, and generally its been rather odd.

It did snow here, which is REALLY odd considering all things, so I made a snowman. Then I realized snow is really cold and I don't wear gloves... oops.

Work is still doing alright. I am now the person all the hard problems go to. So much so that I'm wasting half my day trying to track down people to explain what it is I'm supposed to be solving in slightly less generic terms.

Smog diags are amusing, but not as amusing as electrical. Mmm.

Anyway, arts are on hiatus, learning an instrument is on hiatus, just about anything not related to surviving is on hiatus. Oh, but I think I passed my class. <3

Ugh, so I'm about 7 days behind my schedule to move out of the apartment. After everyone left, the starch came right out of me. I'm down to just the living room and kitchen, though. My computer was packed and shifted to storage today, which leaves me with my laptop, by backup laptop, and my gateway/router for all the computer hardware left. My last remaining workgroup switch decided to commit suicide and saved me the hassle of packing it.

Looks like the desired option is going to be couch bumming with a friend of mine, and parking my RV next to his place for my own 'room', with kicking back a minute amount a month for bathroom and electricity use. While I could just move in with my parents fully I still haven't sold the RX-7, and I'm not sure the RV would be able to make that trip in one sitting...

Work has been... fun. My doom cadillac is refusing to be fixed. It has so many wiring issues that its not even funny, adapting a 98 harness to a 95 engine was more trouble down the road then it seemed, since the engine controls changed drastically in 96 with OBDII. The good news is that the mazda that's been chilling in my bay for 3 weeks should be done tomorrow, yay!

Sadly, while doing vacuuming my vacuum cleaner belt decided to break due to the amount of hair in the carpet. So I have to borrow one. It seems whenever I get the tiniest bit of momentum on actually getting this move done, something breaks or goes wrong.

Although... comcast is still giving me internets, even though it was supposed to be shut off monday. At least that's a glimmer of hope in the day :) Art should resume post-move, hopefully. I have several ideas I want to put to paper, as well as some writing for my game universe again. Not that I believe my game will ever be done, let alone take off, but still its a hobby of mine to have on the backburner and keep my programming mind somewhat in shape.

Anyone else notice the picture for thanksgiving is vore? .o