I need to accept a difficult idea, and allow that idea to be a reality, and in turn accept that reality.

I have lived in a vacuum where growing as a 'furry' artist will just never be something for me.

The only ways to get ahead in this fandom is to be highly social, talented, or appeal to some level of phonographic demographics. And i suck at/dislike all those things.

And those are really, the only ways to get ahead in this shit show.

I'm not a good artist. Im just not. And maybe thats because i have had absolutely no one to coach me or support me, or even other artists to hang out with in the past 8 years or so. Im... perpetually stuck, at this stage of 'just a little more effort and you'll be good enough'

And thats the problem right there... I ended up chasing art not because it made me happy, but because i wanted to belong to something. Because i craved community. I wanted to share, learn, and grow. And i simply dont feel, see, hear, or experience that belonging among this community. As long as i have been here, i have felt totally isolated.

I'll probably still lurk, and i wont delete anything from here, simply because all of this was a part of my journey as a person.

But to be a furry artist? It just wasn't a part of my destiny.

Part of me is sad, bitter, and lonely when i load up my gallery page.
I think that maybe it could have been different if i had more artists in my life, helping me grow and shape myself into a more polished product. That maybe if i didnt cling to that endless yearning to belong, maybe i could be sitting at a con at artists alley, basking in the warmth of that fellowship i craved so much.

But considering im here, where i am now, all i can do is accept that this is not my path to walk. And that maybe, just maybe, if i put in the work, time and effort, i'll find that path thats meant to rest under my feet as i keep moving forward.

Let this be a warning for all who come to this place. If you're going to do it, do it for yourself, and for the love of god, be happy doing it. Or nothing good will come of your experience save for time wasted.

So i have decided i might start posting shit here again.

Its been years, and through a great amount of personal growth, i learned to enjoy my artwork again.

So, heres to being back in the groove.

Cheers, bitches. <3

So im thinking about trying this BS one more time...

Not sure if i will enjoy drawing again, but lets try and find out at least.

Ugh... its 92 in my apartment and its almost 100 outside with 67% humidity... after dealing with sub-zero climates all winter and spring, i am NOT equipped for this...

Ugh... putting a hold on commissions and even normal art until this heat breaks. I dont have the luxury of an AC and its kinda hard to function my brain enough to pick up my tablet...

x__x

Tell a friend =D

Well yeah, if anybody who watches me hadn't noticed, im SLOWLY becoming more active posting art on here again.

After a long time, i finally have more stability in my life and im devoting more time to art again.

Got myself a Livestream, got commission windows open again, and creativity is flowing and good once more!

So yeah... keep an eye out guys, im gona be back and at it again.

Peace. ^_^

Thats right.

After ages on end of being on hiatus, im taking commissions again.

Times are hard and right now im more broke then the ten commandments.

;__;

but because of this, im running prices dirt cheap, starting at $5 - $10 for a sketch, and right now im open to just about anything.

I got about 3 slots open. I know it isn't much but i tend to puor myself into whatever im working on to produce much better quality from myself.

I say if your gona do something, do it right.

I'll draw Characters, SL avatars, gifts, Con badges, even adult work if its tasteful. You name it and i'll do my best.

Commission information can be found on my FA page here.

Even if your not interested in buying something, spread the word to others who might be looking around.

Thanks allot guys.

-Spike

Hey guys!

I just picked up a copy of Photoshop CS3 and wanted to know if anybody had some pointers for me?

Im taking a few self learning classes over the net, but i wanted to know if anybody had any advice for me. :)

Well its taken almost 2 years of my miserable life to accomplish something great, but it finally happed! Today, at 11:00 AM, i overcame the American Social Security system obtained my precious and much NEEDED Social Security card!

Now why is this such a big deal? Well because long ago, my card was lost and i was unaware of it for the longest time, until the system disided to become anally retentive due to the fun filled amount of Identity theft that happens on a daily basis. So they wouldn't accept the forms identity that i had on hand.

But after jumping through government hoops and making myself a practical side show attraction via paper work for these government jack holes, i finally hold my prized SS card.

Now i can do things that Most people take for granted. Drive a car. Get a Job. Gain an identification card. Go to a college, have a life!

Today is a great day folks! I feel like its the first day of my life! Now i can finally have a life of my own, and believe you me folks, no matter how crappy, now matter how lousy life can be in the long run, its better then feeling trapped and not being able to do anything at all.

I don't think i have ever really felt this at peace before.

^_^

Mood: Bleh.

Oh lord. its only another freaking month away and i have no idea, but im dreading it.

My birthday, again. Blargh!

Im gona be 22, and i have no idea why but i dont want to be.

It feels so freaking werid. The older i get, the less i want. My family and friends are in shock that i have not asked for anything yet, and its a month away.

Blargh.

I feel so darn depressed and energyless.

Its not for another month, but for some reason it just feels like a bad shadow looming over me. >__<


On a side note i might be uploading more artwork soon. Its been a while but eventually i should have a few done and i plan to put them up.

I supose no artist got rep without putting his stuff up.

Ok y'all... whats the most random word, you can think of, this VERY second!

BUNGALOW!!!

Ok you try now. :P

Alright, i hate to say it, but i need to take a moment to be Emo.

Not the "oh god the world hates me im going to slit my wrists" bad kind of Emo in wich we all hate.

Its the "Im not feeling myself anymore" Kind of Emo...

For the past few weeks, i have been experiencing some major depression.

At first it wasnt all that bad, and i just tryed to shrug it off, but its gotten worse, much worse.

My whole life is changing around me, and its left me feeling so empty a poor mans wallet couldent compare.

Every damn day i wake up, looking at an empty bed where my brother used to sleep.

Every day i walk down into a cold empty house where my family used to be.

And every damn day i sit down and eat breakfast at an empty table where my family always gathered to talk...

I may not always see eye to eye with my family, but them gone, working, moved away, my friends never around...its left me feeling very very hallow inside...

Its gotten so bad i cry while i eat and sleep now...

I have tryed to hide this from my friends online for some time but i just cant anymore.

To all of those who i am doing commissions for, i need to put your works on temporary hold.

I cant draw like this, its impossible for me...

I will try do some doodles, maybe concept sketches when i can, and will inform you when i do get somthing done.

Thank you for understanding.

-Spike

Well i havent writen one of thease in a while so i figured i should.

Life has been normal, my commissions are going as slow as ever.

I realy need to find a faster way to get my work done, because im so slow, and detailed, and picky about things when i draw, it takes me a damn century to get anything done.

Ontop of that... Inking is boreing as all hell.

So, my apologies for my good friend Amun Dragon for taking my dear sweet, overextended time.

Now, i supose y'all are wondering about the title of this here entry?

Well not but an hour ago, i was walking back around our couple of rather large maple tree's, that we tap for sap in the spring and make syrup, and one of them had a dead branch hanging.

Me, being the nit pick that i am, a horable side effect from living with 5 women (sisters and mother) all my life, i had to yank it the rest of the way down and haul it off.

As i was pulling back and down to get rid of the thing, i hear a large 'CRACK' come from above me, sure anogh there was a larger, deader branchfalling down.

Take a wild guess whos face was in its direct falling path.

But as i sit here with an ice pack over my face, i cant help but laugh.

I got into a fight with a tree, and won!!

Why did i win?

Because he may have slugged me in the face... BUT I TORE OFF HIS LIMB!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

I crack me up!! XD

Well bust my balls and call me a Banana, Im gona be 21!

Thats right laidies and germs, i will at least, by American law, be of the leagal age to purchase and drink B00ZE!!!

Wahahaha!! The rum will flow like water!! Ahahaha!!!

I mean...Er... *ahem* I will be very carefull to drink like a responsible adult............somtimes.

Anyhoo, got a question for y'all.

Anybody know where i can hook up for a OC session? I havent done one in ages dun know why but im just in the mood to draw random pointless crap with other pepole.

Thanks Y'all.

Wow, been a while since i used this thing...

Ah well.

I recently found out that the most messed up game on the face of the earth goes by the name of Silent Hill 2.

Because of said game [and me being a little baby/scaredy catfox] i havent sleapt right in 3 days...and yet...im compelled to continue playing this abomination...

Even as we speak, i sit here like a scared little girl, ready to piss my pants and patiently waiting for Pyramid Head to bust down my door and slice me to ribbons...

*Hugs his plush kitty for protection*

Anyways....

Im finaly taking a nother crack at a comic.

Im damned and determind to actualy get this one off the ground.

Since the world this will be taking place in was based off of one of my good friend Padfoot's writing, i had to get permission from him to get the 'go ahead'

Thankfully, Pad is a awesome dude and was nice enough to let me use elliments from his story.

Aside from that, a few weeks back i got the most awesome suprise!

A buddy of mine, just out of the blue, with no warning what so ever...dropped a 50 peice set of Prismacolor pencils, smack dab in my lap.

Needless to say i was practicaly humping his leg with joy.

Now here is the lousy part.

I know jack about coloring.

Hell, i can barely shade!

And im sure some of you with shaper artistic eyes can see that all to well.

But enough of the stereo typical 'My art sux and im no good :'(' artists blubber.

What i need is anybody with coloring skills who would be kind enough to help a catfox in need. ^^;

So yeah, anybody with experience using Prisma pencils, you will be a saint in my eyes if you teach me how to use the lil bastards the right way...


Now lets see... ah yes! one last thing to vent, a rather frustrating matter.

All of you guys out there with girlfriends! Hear my plea! I need your wisdom...

For you see, i have a light problem with my girl...

She wants me to do the unthinkable, the unphathomable, the UNIMAGINABLE!!!

She wants me to give up RPing...

She isnt fond of the fury fandom and RP concept in any way, in the slightest...

Guys, have you ever had this problem?

If so: how do i deal with it?!?!

I mean, i love my girl and all, but there is NO way in hell i am giving up somthing as stress releiving and relaxing as RPing.

I dont want there to be a problem between me and her over this, but what am i suposed to do?
Give up an eliment of my life i have strived to make myself apart of for over 7 years?

No. Way. In. Hell...

*sigh*

I just wish i knew what to do....


Anyways, i think thats about all i have to say for now.

Thanks for listening to my mindless babble.

-Spike

Well well, looky here, im actualy writeing somthing.

Well this is just a simple update to let those who give a damn know that im well and fine, and that i havent abandoned FA.

Truth be told, i just have been busy with the holidays, and devoteing a bit more attention to my family and friends.

Also, due to various computer problems, that have stumped me, i simply have just been distracted as hell, and havent taken the time to draw anything realy worth while that would be deemed well enough by myself for your viewing pleasure.

But, dearest friends and ocupants of FA, it would be nice to know if my artwork is actualy missed or enjoyed, so do leave a comment and let me know, it would be deeply apriciated.

-Spike

taken from lorikitty

Okay, here's the deal........ You get to ask me *THREE QUESTIONS*, no matter how crazy, inappropriate, or just random, and I promise to answer it truthful-like..........and I dare you to repost this and see what people ask you.

Bah...Im sick of being poor, and not being able to get ahold of a job.

So after much consideration, i am now taking on commissions. I have too manny things in my life that i need right now, and the fact that i cant find a job is realy holding me back, so i guess taking on a commission or two wouldent be a bad plan.

So yeah...Im poor, sick of it, so make me work for you!! :P

Well, once again, it has happened.

A good game has entirely pulled me away and distracted me from my precious pencil.

So yeah... Till i beat the Legend Of Zelda the Minish Cap, im not going to be drawing anything soon, but i will be working on a few concepts and doodles now and then.

Till next time y'all

-Spike

Well, after much consideration, im finaly on FA!!

*Throws a party*

Just happy to have somplace to stuff my art for now, wich is nice, being as it is taking up room on my computer like mad.
Far to much old stuff, but being the packrat that i am, i cant seem to part with any of it.

Being new, i just hope i can fit in around here, i guess thats all a guy can hope for realy.

Well, till next time y'all

-Spike