The Wolf With the Weight of The World on His Shouldersme. I am enjoying having this short stint off work as I can get in some much needed socializing.

Yesterday I went to meet up with  atlaswolf We first went to the Route 99 diner and had this delicious, artery-stuffing patty melt and fries. Afterwards, we took a short drive before going for a walk in Mill Creek park (Oh my gawds, some of the places there are so beautiful!) We went for a one-hour walk that lasted three hours when we lost our way back to the car X3 Don't worry, my life is full of derp and I'm quite used to these sorta things by now :3 We got in lots of time to philosophies on some rather deep stuff :3 My new slogan for Atlas Wolf: Gruff exterior, heart of gold :3

Today I volunteered with Wild Rose Critters as a handler for one of the suiters. Again I derped as I dropped the fruit platter that I brought as a treat for everyone X3 Luckily it landed right-side up, and was mostly salvageable.

Wow, there is a lot of stuff to be concerned about when you're watching after a person in a big, furry costume X3 Have to make sure he's hydrated, doesn't trip, doesn't get his tail pulled, doesn't pass out from heat exhaustion... X3 Regardless of all of the duties it was fun, and I liked everyone I met today quite a lot :3

Tomorrow I go visit Lego to wish him a happy birthday. He insists on there being no gifts... but I have something I think he might appreciate X3

Now is a time of change in my life.

The past seven years I have lived with Mary have been transformative for me. I have to thank her for helping me out of the shell I was in; too afraid to socialize in most situations. She also helped me realise that I'm really not bisexual, I am homosexual. I have found myself in these days just having no interest in being the mate to a femme, it is simply too conflicting with who I am as a person. Not only that, but there is just very little attraction there.

I have to thank my boss for moving me onward. Now that I am no longer working in a job that simply stressed me out I have been able to express happiness again. Mixed in with my outer shell being cracked we have a pretty zany liger on our hands ;3

I have to thank my closest friends, in no particular order: Accelo, Leon, Maui, Leo, Oni, Keesar, and Lego.

Accelo, you have helped me realise that there is always love there, despite the circumstances.

Leon, you saved me when I had one foot over the edge.

Maui, you have shown me the value of my own wisdom.

Leo, you have always been a good friend no matter what since we have met and have shown me the strength of true friendship.

Oni, you have shown me that life doesn't always have to be SRS BISNES all the time, and it's OK to just make it about having fun.

Keesar, you have shown me that it is always OK to be young at heart.

Lego, you have reminded me that I am still capable of making friends without a heavy furry pretense there.

There are many, many more friends in my life that I could give thanks to. If I forgot to mention you please don't feel bad :3 I love and appreciate all of my friends.

So, what's next? Well, as I hunt for new employment I will be volunteering for the Wildrose Critters as a handler, and then a suiter when I get my costume. Other than that I will be spending time with friends both near and far. I have sometimes thought about being a public advocate for the furry fandom. It's really not as scurry as the public thinks when one is properly educated. I also want to become more involved in the running of the local con.

That's it for now... Have a wonderful, awesomesauce of a day :3

I have always been a hard worker for my employer, and have given them 100% relative to what I could at the time. Yesterday I was laid off.

This is a good thing, actually... As I was wanting to quit due to being quite unhappy, I was doing what I could to make myself expendable so that this could occur (i.e. by making sure people were cross-trained in the things I do, slowly allowing responsibilities to be taken away from me, etc.) I couldn't quit when they needed me... That's just not who I am.

I can already feel the stress leaving my body. Now is the time to rejuvinate myself, relax, and look to the future. Today I turn 32, and I am ready to move on. I will hold in my heart what I truly desire for myself, instead of worrying solely of the well-being of others to the point that I put my own well-being on the backburner. I will look after myself, I will better myself, and with my own happiness that comes I will share this with others: family, friends, and strangers alike.

Thank you all. You are all wonderful people. If I could live a hundred lifetimes and be best friends to each and every one of you I would do it. As it is now, I will see where life takes me.

Much Love,

~Spuzzy

Mmm, so I got back in town at 3 PM. I slept horrendously the night before, so I had something to eat and then decided to take a quick nap before I begin tidying and rearranging since my cousin is moving in tomorrow... Next thing I know, it's 9 PM XD

So now it's past 1 AM. I got most of my rearranging done, so that's good.. but time to sleep so I can wake up and go to work tomorrow. :3

It's a cat's life. How to squeeze in 16 hours of sleep and 8 hours of work per day.. X3

So at 2:30 AM my coworkers come back to the hotel and wake me up even before my roommate gets in with their loud, drunken banter down the hallway. Tomorrow should be a relatively quiet trip home, besides the occasional snapjaw reaction from an overhung coworker.

Seeing as how I love to get wasted (/sarcasm) I am wondering why I decided to come along. Derp X3

Have to get up early tomorrow and start heading off to Banff with the coworkers. The bosses are treating us to steak dinner and accomodations over night. I hope it's more relaxing than it sounds. *Laughs*

Should be back Sunday afternoon... Then sleep and see them again the next day. Oh dear. X3

I are derpy fail today! So much fail... someone think of the children!

Locally there is a furry picnic today at Government House park. I thought it'd be fun to go... So... I got some burgers, fruit, and water to share, got on my bike... and went to VICTORIA PARK. Looked around for a few minutes, couldn't find anyone, then realized I was at the wrong park. (Laughs)

Ok, fine... I'll just get back on my motorcycle and... it won't start. Ok, maybe I'll just walk to the park from there, meet up with the furries, and see if any of them have a booster cable... So I go for a nice little jaunt... in the wrong direction x3

Suspecting I went the wrong away after 20 minutes of walking, I checked 'teh intarwebs...' oh shart, wrong way... Walk back. By this time I'm sure the burgers were starting to thaw.. And maybe the bike will start now.. No such luck.

Found someone to boost me after a few minutes, and finally did something smart today and just went home to charge my battery despite really wanting to take my chances and go to the picnic. x3

If someone is still going in from St. Albert and happens to check this before going.. I wouldn't mind coming along. :3 I don't trust my bike, though.. it needs a new battery.

Sigh. :3

I am really tired of social and political mind games. It takes a lot of energy to sugar coat, bend, or otherwise alter the truth. I am going to make an effort to be completely honest. This doesn't make me a big old meany, because you're the one who chooses how to feel about something when you hear it. You can always ask why I think a certain way when you hear it. :3 I'm pretty good at seeing the good in people and letting them know what makes them awesome (which is simple truth,) but if you ask for my opinion always expect honesty from me.

Besides, what kind of friend would I really be if I only ever told you what you wanted to hear? What can you possibly gain from that, except for being lead astray down a false path when you're lead to believe falsities or half-truths? Next thing you know you're having an early-to-midlife crisis because of the candied feedback people have given you. I already have one friend experiencing this (I swear to Furry this is not my fault, but I feel I might have helped prevent this if I was more honest) and if you ask him, he'll purrobably say it's not a very fun thing to realize.

Think of the Friends you'll have if you find the best people who will take you exactly for who you are and will give you honest feedback. Honesty really is the best policy. Just avoid the emotional reaction, ask questions, and purrhaps in the end we can all be better people from it.

So, yay! The Duct Tape Dummy is completed. Poor Lego was purrobably just as tired as I was (if not more tired) by the end of it.

We watched the Lion King and The Emperor's New Groove, including previews and credits on the second movie. Yes.. that's how long I had to stand there holding two hockey sticks to keep my arms straight out while my extremities grew numb x3 Wobbling around after it was done was kind of fun :p

Most of you are purrobably not aware, but it is  onai that will be doing the fursuit for me, and  artisticleo that will be doing my reference sheet. :3

My suggestion to anyone who's insane enough to do this is to keep plenty of water nearby and have your friend give you a drink of water often. To be honest I didn't feel very hot at the time, but when we cut it open I realized how much water I lost. Too late: it already feels like I have a hangover! x3

I am seriously losing it and am almost ready to bite my bosses' heads off. I now think I must be the most patient person in the world (or the world's biggest glutton for punishment.) Someone gimme a fawking medal to make this all worth it.. maybe a faux gold watch?

I HAS DIABLO 3 NIAO! But all I wanna do it shoot zombies or pound baddies as Batman. Yay Batman and his ninja skills!

Yes, I would love to buy you. If only I has my new credit card. ;p~

I'm sure my brother and cousin have been playing you for the last six-and-a-half hours, too.

If anyone wants a bunch of people to play with, send me an IM and I'll give you the Ventrilo info. :3

... for my fursuit! I pay monies, or peanuts, whatever you prefer :3

OMFG! Watch it. :3 That is all.

Yes, as I mentioned I'm going to get one... I vow to have it before the next con! ;3 Believe it or not, this is possible. We shall see how it pans out.

Lego and I are going to see the Avengers tomorrow. Yay for superheroes in tights!

Derpderp... I'm bored. :>

Seriously in a good mood (besides work), and I honestly love you all :3 I was so depressed before I found the furry subculture, and while I've had ups and downs as we all have, I can say I've lived happier because of it.

I would really like to go to Furthest North, Rainfurrest, and Furfright this year. While I'm a quiet fellow in person and have generally tried to stay out of the way I think it's time to leave some pawprints. I hope to see everyone there :)

All righty.. Lots has happened since my last post.

For those not aware, my significant other whom I lived with for the past seven years broke up with me on January 25th. The first few days were hell, the first few weeks excruciating, and the first few months numbing; but I just kept putting my pants on one leg at a time and got through it. I love her dearly and wish her well.

Fur-Eh! in Edmonton was my first furry convention to ever attend this past weekend. Ironically I only found out about it after mentioning to someone that I wanted to start a convention in my home town (Laughs.) Seems that Thallanor beat me to the punch by a few years! However, after attending this year I now know this is my calling, and I vow to be a huge supporter and become an actively involved member of the community, and hopefully staff it next year.

I decided to get back into art and bought a spiffy EP121 tablet from ASUS. The art will be appearing eventually once I hone my skill enough to be confident with it. I will start with digital and move back into traditional. So far I am really enjoying colouring and shading.

I am working on my health and trying to eat better and exercise regularly.

I have made up my mind and I WILL have a furry suit by next year's con, I vow! I have some good opportunities to get one. I haven't decided yet if I will be the talking kind or the silent type, though I am kinda hovering as a mix of gestures and sounds without the words.

As usual, life wouldn't be the same without all of you. I wish I could live a hundred lifetimes at the same time so I could become best friends with each and every one of you. Never be afraid to approach me and say hello; I do not hold myself above others and I know that everyone is worth having as a friend.

I was lost, it seems. For many years I have restricted myself and denied myself any flights of fancy. What a terrible thing to do to one's self...

This might be confusing to explain, but I will try. I have actively avoided certain things because I stopped believing... I have avoided allowing myself to be involved in the Furry Fandom, not wanting it to consume my life... Instead I have allowed my creativity to atrophy, wasting away my time playing video games and feeling remorse over the loss of my muse.

The truth is that I have always been the one stopping myself. I have been afraid of success. I have stopped believing in fairy tales, thereby feeling that any measure of success was forever unattainable because that is the stuff of fairy tales, and I don't believe they exist...

Certain things have come to pass lately that are helping to open my eyes again and give me a glimmer of renewed hope in their existence. For the first time in over ten years I have actually watched some anime. I think the significance of this is that anime is full of epic quests, heroes, and love: the stuff of fairy tales.

I feel like drawing again. I feel like writing again. I feel like programming and composing again. I don't want to waste away without the world knowing me, even if but as an acquaintance.

My friends... I do not ask for your help often, but I ask for it now. Please, if there are any words of encouragement and wisdom you may spare, I ask you for them now.

And... Kitten, I want to be a significant part of your life. I want you to be a part of my family.

Thank you friends for reading.

I just want you all to know that while I may not be around sometimes, I appreciate each and every one of you. Life just wouldn't be as great as it is without you guys. I hope I can be around more often in the coming months and be a better friend to you all.

Much love from the stripey mongrel.