My inner child is pouty and sad. My birthday was yesterday and it wasn't so much there was no party, no presents, no cake, and no balloons. Of all the people I know, only a few remembered it. Maybe growing old means getting old and I shouldn't feel this way.

January's here and in a few days I'll be another year older. I never pictured myself being 68 years of age. I don't feel that old. It might be that second childhood thing I guess. Little hair, few teeth, and always in diapers. I wonder how I'll feel about it next year?

This will be the second winter I've spent in Indiana. So far it hasn't been very hard on me other than wearing more clothes than I used to. It was funny, there was a light snow and my micropanther, Danny had run out when the garage door opened, and he ran back in just as fast when his feet hit the cold stuff.

He is a real pest at times, especially when I'm working on the computer. He jumps up in the chair behind me, pats my shoulder and complains. This is his way of wanting me to go to bed. He will stay at it until I shut the computer off and head to the bedroom. He will then jump on the bed and wait till I get under the covers, then he will run off and play with his squeaky mouse. It isn't so bad when he does it in the living room or the computer room. It's when he gets under my bed and has at it that's annoying.

I haven't posted a journal in a very long time. Blame writer's block, laziness, and dealing with a lot of other things in life. Hopefully this kickstarts things again.

This will be the second winter I've spent in Indiana. It is not quite as bad as the Michigan winters I remember, but then I lived in Florida for more than 25 years and got used to warmer weather. Not that there was never any snow there, just very little and it didn't stay long. I am happy to see the fall colors live again and to go on hay rides and do the things that country living has to offer. I've seen deer, turkeys, and hummingbirds here. Nothing like the ospreys, eagles, and vultures that I was used to seeing.

Danny is a great companion. He a bit goofy at times and demanding, but that's cats for you. I was away for a few days to visit family and get my car fixed. When I returned he acted like I was a long lost friend and wouldn't leave my side for two days. I was enrolled in a winterizing program and Danny had to check out the people who came to inspect and do the work. One was fixing the furnace and he got between the worker's hands and was checking out his repairs.

Someone came to the house to measure me for a power chair. Danny got on the table and pushed down on his clipboard to get a look at what he was writing. Like I said, he's a weird cat and I love him.

I still feel a bit out of the loop since I don't have nearby friends. Now that the car has been repaired and winterized I can drive to Ft. Wayne or Indianapolis to meet with others. In Florida I was near almost everything and didn't need to drive very far. Disney and Universal were about an hour away and that was the furthest I had to go short of going to a convention. It's taken me a while to settle in here, but I'm doing well.

I haven't written anything in a long time. Blame getting used to being in a new place and that it happened to be winter. Spring is finally here and I am more active and working on improving my health. Thankfully my health insurance is great. I am able to get some dental work done though having several extractions is not my idea of having a good time. I will be getting new hearing aids that can adjust pitch so I will be able to understand things better. My hearing drops right in the range of most speech and this will help a lot to fix that. Also a lot of supplies are covered too.

On other things . . .

Danny is a strange cat.

He has a bad habit of making off with my beanie babies. He has his own to destroy but he likes to steal mine. I find them all over the house and sometimes in the garage. He likes it out there. One time he went into the garage and I couldn't find him even with him meowing. I finally looked up and he was up in the rafters looking down at me. He tries to escape every time I raise the garage door to get the car out or put the trash out to the street. Once he's out he runs around the corner and waits till I get there before running further on. When I catch up to him he rolls on his back and waves his paws at me.

When I am working on the computer he gets on the chair behind me and taps me on the shoulder wanting me to follow. He waits till I get up and then takes a few steps before looking back to see if I'm still there. He goes into the living room and looks at the dining room table while meowing. (it's where I keep Mr. Red Dot) Danny chases the dot around the living room but will not run around the box there, he jumps over it to get ahead of the red dot. There's more things he does like use my bed for a parkour course at 2AM and lay in the bathroom sink when I want to brush my teeth.

A big thank you to all who wished me a happy birthday.

Yesterday was pretty quiet. Brother took me to Red Lobster for dinner and for some cake afterwards.

I don't feel any older but there it is. Big me appreciates all the thoughts and wishes but my inner child is sulking because there was no party, no presents, and no balloons! I'll get him one later to cheer him up.

Well, Thursday will mark my 67th year. Seen a lot, done a lot. Hope to do a lot more.

I wanted another companion after Smudge ran off so I went looking at some of the local shelters. The animal shelter in Wabash had several cats and all except one was ignoring me. One that was all black with a white triangle on his chest and a white dot between his back legs. He wanted out and as soon as I held him, he pressed his head into my arm and started purring. The workers there were miffed and said he wouldn't do that for them. I thought about it for a day then made the call to get him giving myself some time to be certain of making a lifetime commitment. The shelter named him Mau. I didn't know what to call him. I didn't want the usual black cat names and he didn't seem to answer to anything else I said. I had toyed with naming him Travesura, which is Spanish for mischief, but settled on Danny in honor of Pandr's given name. He loved black cats so it seems a good fit.

Danny is a very friendly cat and curious about everything. While I was replacing the parts in the toilets, he watched and even jumped on the seat and looked in the tank as I was replacing the fill valve. He loves racing around the house and jumping on the bed. (mostly while I'm trying to sleep) He also loves to lay down in the bathroom sink, but the strangest thing he does is to press his head and neck down on my arm and purr. Not a light touch, but with all his weight like he wants to keep me there. He also likes to sit in the chair behind me in the computer room and tell me what he thinks of my typing.

I do wonder if I have a cat or a stomach with four paws with as much as he eats. There is that and the litter box treasure hunt every other day searching for nuggets. I think I've struck the mother lode more than once.

I'm still settling in here in IN. So much that has to be done besides getting things organized and such. One such thing is getting doctors in my new home town and dealing with the dozens of calls for health plans that I have zero interest in. It is going surprisingly well though. I like the new Primary Care Physician and the podiatrist, I will meet the GI doctor next week though maybe not face to face at first. That's right! Colonoscopy time again. This bunny will be hosed and inflated to see if everything is still ok. I'm picturing what funny things could happen to a bunny having that done. From using helium instead of CO² and floating to the ceiling, to over inflating to Macy's balloon size. Silly? yes, but it helps me get through such things.

It's just over a month since I made the move to Indiana and I'm still unpacking and finding little things that need attention. I did have to replace the lint filter and the hose on the dryer and fix the agitator on the washer. No biggie. I replaced both smoke detectors as they are probably 25 years old and not working any more. I replaced the range hood as well so the kitchen area is now in good shape. I managed to get the car in the garage but I have a lot of things that I brought up from Florida that need to be gone through and donated or thrown out.

It's different living in a small town. Everyone knows you or knows about you. The biggest store here is the Kmart and I'm sure it will be around for a lot longer. The two nearest towns are about 15 miles from me. Wabash to the east and Logansport on the west. Kokomo is about 20 miles south and is considered the big city to the locals. The 'Y' is down the road from me and has a sauna, a steam room, and a hot tub as well as exercise equipment and a weight room. I've been going there to soak my shoulder in the hot tub as it takes the pain away for a while. I haven't tried going into the pool they have there.

I live in an 'adult park' where most of the residents are my age or thereabouts. It's nice and quiet other than the train that goes through town or the fire station nearby. I got used to that a long time ago when I lived in Florida.

Mom is now in an assisted living facility and has decided to sell her house. That means I get a lot of furniture and other things that I need. It's sad that it is happening this way but life goes like that.

I haven't heard from the landlady in Florida about Smudge. I wish he hadn't run off like he did and hope he has found someone there to care for him. I am seriously thinking about getting a cat from the local shelter here as I miss having company in the house. He is an all black cat with a white triangle on his chest. He's very friendly and purrs readily, I just hope he wouldn't mind having balloons around the house.

I am now in my new home. Well, it's new to me anyway. It is double the size of my old one and has three bedrooms, a decent sized living room, dining area, kitchen, laundry room, and garage. So far I've had to do some plumbing and replace the stove and water heater. The dishwasher washer and dryer seem to be in good order. Other than that everything seems to be in great shape. One very nice thing is that there is a ramp that goes from the kitchen down to the garage floor so I can roll up with my electric scooter if I need to. I've set up one of the bedrooms as my 'office' with the computer next to the window so I can see the street and mailboxes. I'm still struggling to figure out where to put the living room furniture as well as the kitchen but that is always a problem in a new place.

It is in an adult park and has mostly seniors my age or older. There is a strip mall within walking distance as well as a Burger King, Taco Bell, Dairy Queen, and Domino's nearby. Downtown is about a mile away and there is a YMCA that has a sauna, steam room, hot tub, pool, and exercise room there. The bigger cities are about 15 to 20 miles from here and have all the major stores so it isn't hard to find everything you need.

The only sad thing is that Smudge ran away before I left Florida. He would have liked this place with all the rooms to explore. My landlady in Florida is keeping her eyes open in case he comes back but he is skittish and might not return. I will consider getting a companion once everything is moved in and settled.

Also I'll be back online more once I have the place in order. There is too much that needs to be done and I can't put it off till later. Mom is closing her house up so all us kids will be there so she can tell us what she wants us to have. That is going to be a project and a half sorting and moving things. My house is getting furnished with a lot of her things it makes me a bit sad but life is like that.

Things are going slowly as far as getting packed and ready to move to Indiana next month. I am glad I planned it as a two month process as I needed the time to take care of all the little things like doctor's appointments and closing and transferring accounts to the new place. I did take a break and go to Megaplex, mainly to see friends. I doubt I'll be able to make any more of them but with the new venue I am going to try my darndest to come back for it. Sadly I won't be able to make my favorite con, MFM this year. Between health, finances, and the move, I just can't justify going. I had missed it last year because I was in hospital and if I am not careful I might end up in it again.

Most things will be easy to pack and load except I have a lot of plushies I should rehome. If you are in the Tampa area, let me know and you might go home with a new friend.

My family has been after me to move up to Indiana for years now and now it will be happening. Since Pandr passed away a lot of my reason for staying in Florida is gone and, as my mother's health has been going downhill, I am needed here. Yesterday I closed on a nice doublewide mobile home in a clean, quiet park near her home. There are lots of stores and restaurants in walking distance. Even better is the 'Y' with a pool, sauna, steam room, and hot tub. Just the thing for these old bones to take the kinks out (not those kind of kinks!)

I have to work on a few things though. The AC isn't working and I don't know about the furnace and stove yet. I did fix the garage door and I found the remote that goes to it. The dishwasher and the washer and dryer work but there are a lot of minor things that need repair. I will be busy and in debt for a few years but it is worth it. My fun fund will be non existent for a while too other than what's been paid for already. (Fun Fund: the little bit I set aside for things like commissions and other things) Luckily the lot rent is a third less than what I'm paying now so that will help.

The only real drawback will be that I will have to get used to winter again but that is no biggie since I won't be out in the cold for very long.

I've been on extended visit in deepest, darkest Peru (IN) visiting my 88yo mother and to attend my brothers marriage. It's been hard on me in many ways and I've had to make some serious decisions about my future. My family wants me to move here to be with them and mom. They have been at it for several years now and I have finally decided to move from FL. There really isn't much for me there anymore and my health isn't the best either. I am finding that there are more benefits here than where I now live and things are more accessible where the new place is. Now I have to get used to Northern winters again. {shiver}

I have found a nice doublewide in a adult mobile home park and the rent is a third less than what I pay now. It is much newer than what I have now and everything works! It has three bedrooms, two baths, and an attached garage with a ramp for the scooter if I need to bring it in the house. There are a lot of little things that need to be fixed and a couple of major ones but the roof and the AC were replaced two years ago so I should be good for many years. There is a big living room so Smudge can run around to his heart's delight and room for a giant bunny if I can afford one after paying for all this.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/3plenf40.....L_g32DtIa?dl=0

Now the major problem of what to do with what I have down there and how to get it up here.

I'm still hoping to make Megaplex and MFM. I desperately need a break from all this.

A few weeks ago I got an offer from a bank that if I got their credit card and spent $500 in the first 90 days, I would get not only a statement credit, but a Echo and an Echo dot as well. I had car insurance coming up as well as some other bills so I signed for the card and fulfilled the requirement. Now I have an Amazon Echo and Dot to play with.

They are interesting devices and I find them more useful than I thought. Two things I wish I could change. There is an Orlando radio station with the same call letters as the local station. When the local one dumps regular programming to air a sports game, I want to listen to the other one. Alexa keeps sending me to the wrong station. I don't know if I can change it or not. The other one is that there is this commercial that airs almost every five minutes. If I could sue them for harrassment I would. I've told Alexa to be quiet, volume off, and any number of ways to be silent. It does. Except as soon as I tell Alexa to resume, it plays the #$%^&* commercial from the beginning!

Other than that I love the darn things. I can tell it to play a station for X hours and turn off and it does. I haven't tried using it for an alarm clock but I bet it will work.

We don't know where he came from. One night Pandr heard some cries from under his trailer so he looked for what was making them. He couldn't find it but put a dish of food and some water out. In the morning both were empty but there was no sign of who had ate it. it took a couple days but a tiny grey kitten finally came out from underneath and let Pandr pick him up. He must have been barely weaned as he was so tiny.

Pandr didn't know what to call him, so I suggested Smudge as he looked like a grey smudge on the carpet when he laid down. When he hid in the shadows, he was nearly invisible except for his gold eyes, and he liked it that way. He hid from most visitors but accepted me as one of the family and let me pet him. The only thing that would set him off were the times that I had to call EMS when Pandr's glucose dropped. When Smudge heard the fire engines, he would hide and growl as he knew there would be several noisy people coming into his house and mess with his daddy.

Sadly Pandr died last July while I was away, but he had me promise to take care of Smudge a long time ago. When I returned home, his relatives had taken almost everything out of his home but they couldn't find Smudge's hiding place. I caught him but he was not happy about being moved and loudly voiced his displeasure, hiding under my futon.

I gave him plenty of room and some familiar things from Pandr's to ease him into living with me. It took time and patience to have him finally accept me as his new 'daddy' and he has been my shadow ever since.

In December I was in Indiana visiting family, and all the time that I was online I sat at the kitchen table. What developed was that I got an impinged nerve on my left hand and now my pinkie finger tingles all the time. It screws up my typing so I have to use my thumbs and forefingers instead of the whole hand and has affected my grip as well. No neurologist as yet but I am going to therapy and doing strange things that supposedly will loosen the nerve and give me some feeling again.

One thing is certain. It takes a long time for nerve damage to heal.

I was told that if I stayed friends with a certain someone then I was no longer their friend. We've all known each other for years and I don't know what the problem is between them, but to force that kind of decision on me ended my friendship with the ultimatum giver instead.

I am the one who choses who I am friends with, not others. Friendship with me does not come easily and is based on mutual respect and trust. To violate either hurts me and I will drop any contact with them that isn't necessary, for I do not take friendship lightly. If Pandr was still alive he would tell how serious that I am about it and how far I will go for someone whom I call friend.

If I offend a friend, I apologize to them and explain myself. If I am hurt by a friend, I expect to know why, to understand the reason. There might be good cause for it, for understanding is part of friendship as well. I believe that we choose how we live our lives by our actions and how we treat others. It's good to have traveling companions by your side for life's journey. Now I have one less.

Yesterday I became officially retired. One more orbit around that big ball of hydrogen. I'd rather be playing with some balls filled with helium. ;o)

Yup, in six days I'll be 66 years old (or young) A shame there is no one locally to share it with.

New year's eve started out good until I got hit with the sniffling nasties that put me in bed for two days. Right about when I was going to drive back to Florida! Bad luck, no? It kept me from getting caught in the worst storm in years when I haven't driven in winter conditions in decades. From what I gather conditions down there are not all that good either. So it begs the question: Was getting ill accidental or the way to keep me out of a far worse situation?

I'm up in Indiana visiting family for the holidays. Smudge is pretty much staying hidden with all the people in the house. I'm having a hard time trying to convince him that they are not out to get him. I'll write more once I can thaw out my hands.

2017 is winding down and I get more than a little introspective this time of year. It hasn't been a very nice one by any means. There has been all too many good people passing away, stars, musicians, and notables. A lot of my life was filled with their presence and now they are gone with nothing left but memories. Even more devastating is those who were closer to us. Gene Catlow, Takaza, Rapid T. Rabbit, James Firefox, Cobalt the Fox, Pandr Pandafox, and others. Even the Funday Pawpet Show is no more.

I'm dealing with two demons partly because of this, Loneliness and depression. Pandr was a close friend who I had taken in when he lost his home and was practically blind with cataracts. I found an organization who operated on his eyes and gave him back his sight. I helped him to get Social Security Disability and to get a mobile home in the same park as me.

He wasn't the best at watching his glucose levels and several times I had to call EMS to pull him back from death. He loved his cats and Smudge was his favorite. He swore me to adopt Smudge long before he passed away. In many repects we both grieved his loss. Smudge is doing well and has slowly accepted me as his new 'daddy'

Myself? I have friends but none that are physically close to me. The nearest one I know is about 110 miles from here. It's hard to dine alone or think of things to do and have no one to share them with. Cons are few and far between. Even then, I've only been to one this year because I was in the hospital at the time. It isn't fun to be by yourself and not have anyone coming to visit. No balloons, no plushies, no get-well cards, just the boredom being broken up by nurses coming in to give you pills, shots, and taking vitals. And coming home with no one to greet you is joyless too.

Don't get me wrong, I do have quite a few friends but long distance relationships are not a good substitute for having someone sitting across the table from you whether they are laughing or arguing.

I'm slowly getting through this though. I need to get out more when I get in better shape, but that is another story.

Due to health and finances I decided to shelter at one of the pet friendly shelters that was opening in the area. It was a CF but managed reasonably well. Got a card with a number on it for registration, then found out the pet side was a different thing entirely and had to wait in another line. I had to sit down on the pavement or collapse and the moment I did several "people" ran around me jumping the line. By the time I got Smudge registered, my number had been called for human registration and I had to explain why I didn't come forward when my number was called. At least I didn't have to wait as they had had several others who had the same thing happen.

The classroom I was assigned had a gymnasium mat on the floor and nothing otherwise. My sister called to see how I was and suggested I go back to the house and get a pillow, blankets, an air mattress and some other things that I would need. I also brought my scooter, otherwise I would probably end up being taken to hospital. These things made it a little more comfortable for me. There was internet but it was so restricted that it was hard to get a stream to watch Irma's progress. The school was also located in the middle of nowhere so cell service was poor at best. Texting was the only thing that could reliably get through but even then, the school had cell blockers in places to keep the students from using their phones. They could have disabled the blocking and restrictions, but didn't.

Smudge was put in a small cage and had a cake pan for a litter box. He was pretty stressed by all the yowling from the other cats who had been put in small cages too. I came as often as I could to keep him company and he pressed himself tightly against me for comfort as long as I was there. He wasn't eating, drinking or using the litter pan they provided, so I put together the litterbox I brought with me and filled it. Smudge went right in and used it without a problem. I suppose nobody trusts public restrooms.

Saturday's lunch was a bag with several sandwiches, granola bars, cheese, and juice. This was supposed to be lunch, dinner, and breakfast as the place was going into lockdown later that afternoon. I mentioned that I might have problems with my glucose level with it so they gave me another bag and threw in some extra juice bags. I also brought some things from home to keep from going into hypoglycemic shock which helped immensely. They also killed power mid afternoon which knocked out their internet but at least some of us had WIFI hotspots to keep up with things. I had brought my little 2meter/440 wide receive handy talkie and could listen to SkyWarn, NOAA radio, and the local radio stations. That made a lot of difference with the others in the room as now we could hear what was going on.

One of my roomies was an older (than me, CYBI?) gentleman who had a ditzy lady friend who kept calling him at all hours. Not a problem except he had her on speakerphone the whole time. Damn it! the rest of us aren't interested in your love life! Take it off speaker! The other thing was the Mexican chain saw that buzzed all night. I didn't have my hearing aids in and still the snoring came in louder than the storm outside.

Monday everyone began to leave to check on their homes, myself included. Smudge was happy to get into his carrier this time (big surprise) and we went to see the damage. Not much really other than some awnings and trees and things that got knocked down. The only thing that was damaged at my home was the glass door in the side room. It was knocked out of its frame and after a quick look I put them back on their tracks. Thankfully they didn't break. Power was on, cable was/is still out. I am using the hospital's cafeteria's hotspot to contact others and check on things. (library is still closed and the restaurants are just opening up now)

Smudge inspected the house as soon as I let him out of the carrier. He thought something didn't smell right and voiced his disapproval. He had no trouble scarfing down some treats after a few days of not eating. That makes me relieved that he is getting back to normal. He also stayed close to me all night for protection. (I think)

Schedules are being jockeyed around and I'll be seeing more doctors than are in a soap opera.

Thank all of you for your prayers and concerns. I'm hoping all the ones who sheltered in place fared as well and all that fled the storm find their homes as undamaged as mine.

Thank you again.

Except the night before Şaaruuk and I were to leave, I had an abdominal bleed and went from the ER to admittance in the hospital. They did a colonoscopy and a Gastroscopy to determine what was causing it. A small ulcer was found at the esophagus and stomach junction and another at where the resected my large and small intestine last year. There is also something causing me to have anemia so I ended up having a unit of blood transfused to get my hemoglobin back up. So in the next week or so I'll be seeing more doctors than are in a soap opera.

Smudge was glad to see me back and follows me around. He even jumped in bed several times to check up on me. (mwrow-ow: You ok?)

Next year I hope to make MFM and maybe have Smudge leash trained so he doesn't have to stay home.

I hope all who attended MFM had a good time.

BTW: I didn't look like this during the colonoscopy though I might have felt that way. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24690850/

I've had rabbits as pets for over 30 years. I'm used to their quirks and habits. Now I have Smudge, the miniature panther (he looks like one) and am learning all about cats and their peculiarities. We had a few days where he wasn't sure what had happened and why his 'daddy' wasn't there. He hid under the futon and wouldn't budge from there. I gave him lots of space and brought some things over from Pandr's house so he would have some normalcy in his life. I let him approach me on his terms and now he has finally accepted the change and now he sleeps with me and checks in on me in the daytime.

I still don't know what he wants when he meows. I'll follow him where he wants me to go. He'll look back to see that I'm still there and then moves ahead, then he'll jump in a chair and demand that I pet him. That's it? You wanted me to get up, follow you around just so you could get scritched? Is this one of the ways cats humiliate their owners? (flunkies) I am happy that he feels comfortable though. His purr is loud. A rabbit's 'purr' is a gentle rubbing of their teeth and much quieter.

I've got a lot to learn about the invisible kitty.