HEY YOU GUYS

i'm abandoning this account!! the username's not relevant & i felt that funny annoying need for a fresh start. i've redesigned my character & just generally done a beeg CLEANSE. i still go by bear- i just thought i'd make a new account to celebrate this new project.

obviously it's kind of a confusing thing to do but. you know how it is. you gotta do what you gotta do son.

swantelope
swantelope
swantelope


i'll get to work re-watching everyone from that account. i'll be posting photos of my dollwork there, as well as any new illustrations and paintings- so if you're interested, watch me again over there!

if not- this account won't be updated anymore. so either remove it or do nothing & you won't hear from me (:

peace everybody!

whew, i'm working hard making dolls & artwork for FE. my poor fingers are getting jabbed away an 8-foot table is a big bite, but i'm chewing away. i decided to be a vendor just so that i would actually have a deadline- i don't expect to make much since i'm not a well-known or great artist or anything, but it seems like a great excuse to kick myself in the butt :) so far i've got a menagerie of around 12 animal dolls of varying sizes, some art cards & drawings & a small selection of lino prints. and 11 days to go! i plan on offering commissioned badges, sketches & artwork, and custom art dolls, too :>

updates are going to be slow- i'm just trying to get my shit together for this con! then i'll settle in & be more present than ever on these internets.. :>
i hope everyone's been doing well. my submissions page looks amazing, what the fuck guys, you rock. it feels like it's been awhile since i've made great leaps artistically- thanks for sticking around!! i promise i'll update soon.

keep being fantastic, my fuzzy friends!!

a nice, non-webcam camera!!!
it had been lost for months!!!


prepare for photos of wacky animal dolls.
and very possibly a couple of rats.

what's that netflix?
you have a movie/tv category titled "TALKING ANIMALS"

I DON'T REALLY NEED THOSE OTHER STUPID CATEGORIES THANSKS GUYS

in other news, i'm working hard on the dolls & artwork & knick-knacks i'm going to be peddling at FE. it's the first time i've really sold anything on like a legit table & shit. COOOL i'll never get enough done on time!!

everything else has been pretty legit. i'm going to die antwoord tomorrow- should be fun. blablaboring journal barfff
HOW IS YOUR FEBRUARY GOING? the worst of winter is over!

OH INTERNET I'VE MISSED YOU
HUGS

my internet is officially kaput!!
i'm sure we'll get it up and running soon- but i just thought i would come to you with the magic of starbucks wifi to explain my two-week absence.

i'm working hard making dolls & little art cards for FE- got a block printing kit for christmas so i'll probably be making some prints too! unfortunately my uploads are grinding to a halt for now, but i know you'll survive without me, & i'll have tons of crap for your eyeballs when i come back.

thanks for all the recent watches and favourites everybody- where would i be without you
<3 love bear

holy moly.

i quit smoking in february. that's a long time ago! i kept it going because i told myself it'd keep getting easier. the first bit was tough, but it did!

now all of a sudden it's fucking hard again! i thought i was out of the woods.

what the fuck. and it's like, now i have enough money to afford smoking. but that's the stupidest thing. i love the excess money that NOT SMOKING has provided me. if i had been buying cigarettes i couldn't have paid for my rat's vet bill, or other important things. smoking is EXPENSIVE.

but it's so calming and zen and i love it.
and my boyfriend doesn't. and i'd be lying if i just smoked in secret. but like, WHAT BUSINESS OF HIS IS IT ANYWAY IF HE DOESN'T KNOW.

ugh. i'm gonna stick to it. at least this is the only big problem in my life right now

haha, i'm running into some slight internet-related setbacks. i might be a bit absent until something comes up.
but i'm working on a fun new project (: i'll post pictures as soon as i can!!!

hay guys :>
times are rough! i'm trying to work on supplementing my current income since if i could do artwork for groceries, i would. so that's what i'm doing. or at least trying to do- i know it's a rough season.

for now it's really simple-
i'm selling fullbody sketches for $5- those will look kind of like THIS!
& headshot/bust sketches for $2!! - like this

for that matter, i'll do full-coloured body portraits LIKE THIS for $20
or a digital reference sheet like that for like 35.?

my prices are totally negotiable- i'll draw for pennies and a button, seriously.*

whoaaa
i noticed a lot of artists have tumblr.. so i made one for myself so along with my usual animal-people i can post less-furry stuff, my paintings, random monsters and herpaderp sketches. and probably poetry.

i have no idea how it works yet, but it seems like a pretty cool medium to post stuff, and reblog stuff i like. for now my tumblr's basically a big pile of nothing.. but it'll be something soon!

give me your tumblr, i'll follow you!!!

mine is luckyhorse, if you want to follow me, too :>

it's really easy to blame everything on other people. i always balk at the idea of trying to pass personal responsibility onto others; i take care of my shit. i try to live according to myself, and accept that things that go wrong for me are usually my fault.

when i was ridiculed for the things i drew, namely furries and silly animals, i started drawing things i was less interested in, that came to me less naturally. this is a good thing in that it taught me to expand, but a bad thing in that now i was drawing only to impress others and put forward a false image of myself. my art didn't bring me joy anymore, and i stopped caring about it. i would crank out a piece every once in awhile, to show people i was still going, but my existence as an artist was hollow- i wasn't improving.

then, when my life became emotional & financial hell for a good couple years, i had nothing to help me through it. art wasn't fun anymore. i blamed the 'friends' who had ridiculed me in the first place, i blamed the sociopath who siphoned all my money, all my time and all my emotional energy, i blamed my abandonment of art on everybody but myself. what the fuck! that sucks. i totally turned my back on myself.

i am trying to get my artistic energy back up & really enjoy drawing again- but it's a little tough. clawing out of a gradual art block spanning a couple years is hard. i don't know what i like anymore, i don't know what's worth putting all of my energy into anymore. i want to improve, i want to be so much better than i am right now, but i know it's gradual- & i want it right away. at least that means i'll work hard at it.

anyway, whoa, that was weird.
that's a little rant for you. idk where that came from. ):

picked up some card stock & new erasers today, and WHAM!
FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC COLOURING BOOK RIGHT IN MY FACE

that shit was a dollar, shit yeaaaaa i bought it.
COLOURING.

i can't deny it- i started watching it this past july. i ate up the entire season all at once.. and kept watching. getting high with ponies. it's awesome. saturdays are fun again! (i work weekends so my party nights are everyone else's work nights)

RARITY AND FLUTTERSHY ARE MY FAVORITES OKAY I AM DONE GUSHING NOW

ever realize on the way somewhere that you need to be walking in the complete opposite direction.?
ever just keep walking?

HA HA whatever. i love doing groceries. but i forgot the sugar today
ggrr

so i'm trying to build up a bunch of arts to sell &/or use as commission samples (from headshots to full-body, sketch to full colour, etc.) so here's the deal!!
i know i've been sort of flaky in the past with these TELL ME WHAT DRAW things- but now i'm in a very comfortable place in terms of free time & i want to work on improving my artwork so i kind of have to kick myself in the ass.

ANYWAY the point is that i want to get lots of pieces done. do you guys have any suggestions? mostly what i'm thinking is species/scenario/wardrobe suggestions, since if it turns out cool i'll probably sell it & i wouldn't want to sell someone an image of your character.
HOWEVER if you have a character that you wouldn't mind me drawing to use as a commission sample, then by all means post the ref & i'll see if it tickles my fancy.

OK GO GO!

so it's solid!
my man & i gonna be rockin a dealer table! slanging original artwork, commissions, and all sorts of crafty bric-a-brac at FE '12! i figure since these winters are of already of unbearable intensity for me (and winter's not for another month..) i'll be holed up, painting pictures, drawing & sewing for a good couple months. it may as well help my student loans along a bit (:

i've never been to a con before, so i don't know what to expect, but hopefully there's some party to be had.. right??
RIGHT
i've got my grubby hooves on some card stock & i'm thinking about con badges. would anyone buy those? whatever- i'm making them anyway. (:

this bag of rat food costs more than the rats did

YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT

hooray!

so the boyfran is down to come to a furry convention with mee! wahay, that's just great. he's not a furray, but it was pretty sweet that he's down & interested. i'm kind of in the closet as it were, but it's neat to have a partner that's understanding & cool wit it. we're attending FE in march hollerrr

anyway i was going to draw him up a character today but FUCK THAT i'll do it later- for now i'm gonna get my drank on & clean the piggy squalor off of our apartment. yaaay

remember me?

i guess i'm rejoining the internet.
everybody's improved so much! wow! i've got some catching up to do.

switched towns & i'm living in toronto now. i miss vancouver, but wow, this place sure has an amazingness all its own. i'm still picking things up, but i missed this silly crazy subculture- updates are on the way (:

how is everybody?

OKAAAY fuckyea i finally got photoshop on my ittle bitty netbook & now i can scan things & UPLOAAAd. i have a bunch of stuff to git back up on here, trades & fun silly things or whatever also. :D

i haven't posted any art in awhile but i'm excited to get going soon!!

also, here's this
--

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

this is the one where i expose how vapid i am ON THE INSIDE!!

1. "where is something cool i can look at." - i'm always looking around at stuff when i walk. none of that head-down shit. i probably look like i'm tripping out all the time, but i just like to notice little things. they're like cool little secrets HIDDEN IN REAL LIFE.

2. i'll be honest, lately i'm a little bit boy-crazy. i think about sex & worry about dumb stuff like accidental pregnancy really frequently. i am actually pretty dumb this way. GIRL TALKKLLKK

3. i can tend to make up elaborate and ridiculous (often TRAGICALLY DRAMATIC) little scenarios in my head when i'm daydreaming. i don't always do it, but when i do it's catastrophic :P

4. "do i pass as sober"- i'll admit it, i am frequently under the influence of something or other. wut eva, i do what i want! i get my shit done, but yes i've frequently knocked a few back and headed off to something important. i do worry about my appearance though, because if they can tell, i've done too much!

5. i'm always alert for things in my environment to be somehow made into poetry. HEE HAWW

6. i'm always trying to figure out what i should do next, when i'm done doing whatever it is i'm doing. i like making little plans and following them.

7. dumb stoner shit

IN ONE NEAT FRIENDLY PACKAGE

i'm doing a poetry reading at a fundraiser tonight & haven't written anything new in aaages.
SPOKEN WORD GO

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

NINE THINGS ABOUT ME!!

1. i have like six million different voices & i speak in different ones depending on the situation & my mood. i didn't really notice i did this until it was pointed out to me recently, but it's cool. always speaking the same way gets boring.
2. i love to fast, like a lot. being past hungry, when you just feel light & kind of wired.. it's probably not healthy but feels good man, i can't help it. in summer i like to draw all my energy from sleep & sunshine, & water. (and psychedelic cactus LOLS)
3. i love animals. i always see things as animal shapes out of the corner of my eye, & i love to have quirky little stupid things that.. are also animals. the scissors i use to cut my hair are a little golden bird, i drink my tea out of a mug shaped like an owl.. you get it.
4. i love to worship the green goddess & smoke weed ERR'DAY. it gives me motivation energy!
5. i am hopelessly messy. for example, my room is full of old coffee cups & bits of dead leaves i keep tracking inside. since my room is essentially a shed-house, well.. y'know. the outdoors is.. well.. right outside my door. & it keeps getting inside. i'm constantly cleaning but it never gets any cleaner.
6. i never kill anything. i won't even kill mosquitoes. i just don't feel like i need to, just because i can. i'm also vegetarian. i won't even eat mosquitoes either ;)
7. i'm a hopeless masochist.
8. i have a druid animal oracle deck, & i'm not super familiar with them yet so i try to practice spreads doing a bunch of readings for myself and for friends. i am constantly consulting them about ridiculous boy situations, both for me and for other people HAH
9. i love nature. i resist technology as much as i can without hermit-izing myself: i still have facebook & a cellphone & all that.. but my heart belongs in the moss! i love to hike & look at neat fungi & birdwatch & adventure with people in the dirt and the trees and the branches and beaches. i always prefer to party in nature more than the city!!!!

AAANd LONG POINTLESS JOURNAL HERE'S DAY 3 LAWL EIGHT WAYS TO WIN MY HAARRTT

1. do arts & crafts!
2. let's do some spontaneous nature stuff!
3. let's get drunk together & break things!
4. make me coffee!! i love someone who can share a good morning. going out for breakfast or like, just chilling & drinking coffee with people in the morning (totally not sexual!! but also that too)
5. like poetry.
6. be good with my animals! or just like animals in general. whatever!!
7. tolerate my dumb awkward tangents, and throw in some of your own please!
8. be funny be funny BE FUNNYYYYYYY BEEEEE HILARIOUS

updates have been slim. soon i'll bombard you all with the shit i've been working on lately. but until then, here's sum journals.
sorry about my inactiveness lately. my life's been confusing me again. OPPS.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession


DAY ONE!

1. i think i'm in really deep trouble liking you so much. i wish we didn't have such similar personalities, i never know what you're thinking. it makes me nervous.
2. you are the best and most reliable friend i have. you are practically my sister. i know i can be a grump sometimes, but you know i love you!
3. you influenced me more than you know, when you were still alive. i don't care how young we were. i still admire you.
5. i never see you. i'm trying, but not so hard anymore. you need to put some effort in, too.
6. i don't want to see you this weekend. my year without you made me realize how your constant judgment was affecting me.
7. you are hilarious and amazing. i want to get to know you better.
8. your abuse has totally ruined me. i want to remember what a normal relationship feels like. i also want the $500 you still owe me. i hope that someday you realize i didn't deserve it.
9. i was young and stupid. i'm sorry.
10. i'm glad you're happy with her, i just wish she wasn't so negative and.. mean. i hope you can keep your kind personality separate. but i know it's hard.

hangover tuesday KEEPN IT REAL
I AM PIGGYBACKING FAT RATS
i think they are trying to make a nest in my hair
THIS ENDS HERE

art ruttin, that is.

so dissatisfied w/ err'thing i make now >:I
so i've been writing poetry a lot, instead of drawing. whoops.

it's the bee's knees
i think i'm addicted to thrifting! i honestly can't even remember the last time i bought an article of clothing brand new. all the real original stuff comes from the goldmine of secondhand trashure <3

today i found a big giant shirt with
LET US EAT AND DRINK,
FOR TOMORROW WE DIE
and the last supper at the bottom, it's the most gangster shit ever. it's so baggy & roomy i can hide my copious glocks in it.
i also found a super 90's design black XL tee that says STREET SURVIVAL 1993 in tacky bright blue & pink, then has a picture of a savage bald eagle holding a banner that says I WILL SURVIVE
it's pretty fantastic. i like aesthetically hilarious clothing.

i also love wearing old lady clothes. knitted cardigans & florals, oh myy <3 i like dresses & stockings, simple but nice clothes.. and POCKETS! i immediately zero in on pockets. i love them.

i want to know how people choose what they wear!! what sort of thing do you like to wear? do you dress for look or comfort exclusively? is clothing important to you? tell me about your favorite outfits!! :)

LOL IDK i suddenly felt compelled to make a journal about clothes

i'm absent
here's a rant
pls disregard

work is kicking my ass, and i'm becoming completely reclusive. i want to talk to people, i want to talk to everybody, but i just don't. even the internet exhausts me. i've been going days without touching the computer.

i hate my job. i spend it around crackheads that scare me and trashy parents that swear at their children. it's the kind of job that feels endless. even when i go home, i haven't accomplished anything. the curse of retail, i guess. i'm one of three supervisors- nobody can cover my shifts if i need it. i have been going to work sick for a straight week, and i still have four days of eight-hour shifts before i can catch a day's rest. my head hurts.
and i'm expected to catch and stop shoplifters. i am twenty-one, i am small, i am female, i am terrified of the strung-out men who come in and steal bags full of stuff. hire a fucking security guard. i'm not down for getting shanked by a crackhead over your shit merchandise.

emotionally i'm confused, and physically i'm exhausted. i cry all the time, and when i'm not crying i'm sleeping. i take naps constantly, i feel isolated from my friends and family, and while this kind of emotional turmoil usually makes for my best artwork i can't seem to convince myself to pick up a pen right now! it's absolute shit.

it must be the autumn. i always get depressed as soon as i'm not basking in sunlight every day. i need to live closer to the equator.