Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Well alright, let's see.

1. Trying to act upon wanting to kill my father.
2. Cutting myself on my hands.
3. Not speaking up for myself more when I was younger, but I was afraid of people. Still kinda' am.
4. Making a wax mess of Grosse's kitchen.

I can't think of anything else right now really. If not for some of the things I had done, I wouldn't be who I am now. That includes my breakdown and institutionalisation back in high school. I'm actually kinda' proud of that now, for I think of it when I'm very down. I don't want to be at that point again.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.

1. When did I feed the cats?
2. Can the litter box go a bit longer before I scoop it?
3. Are those people at work talking about me?
4. Am I somehow a deep thinker at times like Brandon thinks I am, or just lucky?
5. Is it silly to still be acting child like at almost 37?
6. Did Brandon make dinner, or am I making it when I get home?
7. Do my friends really like me, or am I going to do something stupid and mess it up?

Also sex, lots and lots of sexy thoughts. All day. I figured that was a given.

Eight ways to win my heart.

1. Be nice to me
2. Buy me Disney plushies
3. Buy me Boyds Bears
4. Watch movies with me
5. Help with the house work
6. Tell me you love me
7. Snuggles
8. Be yourself
9. Kitties! All the kitties!




Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Doing day two since day one was started before midnight.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

1. I can be very trusting
2. I am cautious of people and not trusting to some
3. I tend to be loving
4. Rheumatoid Arthritis
5. My faith is a combo of diff. believes and ideas. I mainly try to live by a couple of the ten commandments. Like treat others how you want to be treated.
6. I love knitting so hard. I also love wet felting. I miss painting.
6.5. I've been told I'm adorable and I said I'd add it here.
7. If you hurt me enough, I will wipe you outta' my life. There is no forgiving.
8. I love animals more than people, except for a few people that feel similar. Then the love is equal, which is a high honor from me.
9. I wear Converse. I always wear Converse. I have since 1995.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. To my non furry friends: Thank you all so very much for all the love and support. I appreciate it in more ways than you'll know.

2. To my furry friends on here: I love you all so very much! You have shown me so much love and support. You are my family and beasties. :P

3. To my mother-in-law: What the fuck have I done to you, that you hate me? Also, stop hating your first born son. He has been the only one to show support and love to your family and all you give back is hate and distrust and loyalty to the other two brothers. Fuck you.

4. For my soon to be father-in-law: Why the crap do you not like us suddenly? Is it because the misses doesn't like us? Well, fuck you too then. You are useless. I'm just sorry you ruined the friendship you had with Brandon.

5. For my mother: You are so much stronger than I had realized. You are handling things extremely well. I hope to have the strength that you have one day when it's my turn to face what you are going through.

6. For Brandon: You mean the world to me. You have been so supportive, so loving. Words can not express my gratitude nor show what you mean to me.

7. For the neighbors: Quite being jerks to animals and trying to do stupid things! I wish you'd either get caught or move away.

8. To my kitties: You are my children. However, I'd appreciate not barfing on the sofa or bed anymore. Also, whomever keeps peeing on the floor, STOP IT. It's annoying to step in!

9. To my body: Knock it off with the pain. Yeah right, I know you won't. Just try to be nice about it for a long time. I like crafting and would like to continue it.

10. To myself: Just keep trying to laugh at yourself and tolerate things. It'll be alright I hope. Don't let the pain get to you. Don't let the depression attack you. If you need to deal with things by having blanket bundles and My Little Pony, then so be it. Nothing wrong with that.

*number 11 since I can't really say it*
11. To my Dad: There are so many things I wish I could say. *sobs* I wish you could have understood me. It took you loosing your memory for us to even get along. I regret we just never understood each other.

A dear friend of mine Wolfina_2007 is trying to raise funds to get her dog some needed surgery.
She is offering adopts to try to get the money.
The details can be found in this journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6619081/

Dad passed away sometime in his sleep, probably early this morning.
I'm doing alright, Mom is doing alright, we're just sad. Crying off and on.

I thank you all, so VERY much, for all the support and love and comfort. I couldn't get through this without all of you. *hugs everyone*

If anyone wants to do anything, like a card or something, just let me know and I can give you my address.

I may be quiet for a bit. just an fyi

Just want to let everyone know, spoke with Mom tonight. Dad may pass this evening, tomorrow morning, or the next day.
It's very soon regardless.

Been distracting myself with Ottillie suit picture posted and talking to friends tonight. I dread what the morning may bring. I know he'll be in peace though. He's been slowly slipping away and it's been hard for all of us to watch.

love you guys. Will let you know.

I just found this new artist. They don't have many watchers, but they have fantastic art! I just feel like they need loves.
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/soulwithin465/

Updating you all. Dad will be put into Hospice care. I'll find out more tomorrow when I talk to Mom.
I'll keep you guys updated.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
- Suzanne
- Suz
- Suzzles

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE GONE BY
- SuzanneR
- Suzanne
- SuzanneKikir

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
- Work
- Eat dinner
- Play on here

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- my legs, short and stocky
- my hair color
- my ear piercings

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- my deep female voice
- my arthritis
- my lack of being able to art better

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGIN:
- Germany
- Italy
- Ohio

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
- falling
- not having friends
- being stuck in a job I will hate

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
- fleece pants
- fleece shirt
- Hello Kitty blanket

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
- pills
- purse
- keys

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
- my laptop
- cat tree
- doors

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
- Alice Cooper (was a band before going solo)
- Beatles
- Spike Jones

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
- plushies
- pets
- yarn

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
- nothing
- nothing
- yet again, nothing

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
- be more social
- art more
- see friends that are out of state

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
- Not dating Brandon sooner
- Not speaking up more when I was younger
- Not having my rug design job anymore

THREE THINGS YOU WANT (Have) IN A RELATIONSHIP:
- communication
- trust
- respect

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
- kindness
- Homeless cats a home
- acceptance of who others are

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
- My sex drive is that of a 13 year old boy
- I would love a blind cat
- I'm looking for a new job

WHICH IS THE LIE?

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
- Glasses
- facial + body hair
- tummy

THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
- sense of humor
- Taking charge when the situation calls for it
- Can be childlike at times

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
- draw anthro very well
- deal with children
- own a dog

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
- No credit card debt
- painting
- not hurting

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
- pet supplies
- furry arts
- food

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
- only child
- Libra
- Father

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
- knitting/playing with yarn/picking out yarn
- drawing
- humping hubby

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
- bills caught up
- groceries
- no stress

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
- professional scarf maker
- rug designer again
- pharmacy tech

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
- Scotland
- Ireland
- South or North Carolina

THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
- Sheep in the Big City
- Courage the Cowardly Dog
- Disney

THREE BOYS NAMES:
- for what?
-
-

THREE GIRLS NAMES:
- again, for what?
-
-

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO:
- be a full time artist/slave
- see my Father
- suit with friends at a con

I don't have words really to say, other than I'm loosing my father.

He's down to 120 pounds. He'll probably be put into the hospital come Tuesday after his doctors appointment. He's so weak, that I'm afraid he'll fall down the stairs at their house if he isn't admitted. Mom is having to wash him/motivate him to do anything.

Mom and I are trying to be strong, but we are preparing for the worst.

I feel like my dark, demon depression is squeezing me and drowning me and smiling with red glowing eyes. It would oddly make me feel better if I could draw this demon. Probably because it would distract my mind.

If I'm not online much, this is why.

My friend kryistina, or as some may know her as Dragon Momma', has been homeless now for awhile. She doesn't have a car, or a bicycle even to try to get around in. She does have a possible home, but she needs some serious funds for this.

More details can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6495092/

I know she's taking commissions for art and other things.

If you can't get anything, please signal boost. I hate to know of anyone being without a place to live, especially someone so sweet as she is.

Hey everyone!

I REALLY want to make scarfs using these yarns.

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Red-Heart.....-Yarn/34083639
http://www.joann.com/red-heart-bout.....6-1fd756a9ee2b
or
http://www.joann.com/red-heart-bout.....6-1fd756a9ee2b

Would anyone be willing to get a scarf using these materials?

If not those yarns, then just basic colored yarns would work too. They cost about $5 for a skein and I know I could use one skein for a scarf.

The only loophole is, they will be round scarfs, not flat. They can lay flat around your neck though. They would come out looking like this one I've made for myself.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15007687/

Just respond below if interested or note me please.

I would charge for the cost of buying the yarn, plus $10 for shipping and a little for my time. So if you want a yarn that's $5, that would be $15 total for a handmade scarf.

KatAttack is trying to reach 600 watchers!
She's a pretty cool kitty and she loves Dr. Who.
Go check her out!
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/katattack/

I've had friends ask about me going to FWA, so here is the answer.
FWA is a maybe.

My Dad is in very poor health right now. If something is going to happen, I feel like it'll be the next couple months. I already told people at work so they know if I need to scoot immediately.

Of course he comes first. If something does happen to him, I'm not going to go to a con. I'm going to be at home with my Mom. We're it as far as family in this state. Her brother is in Seattle, Washington and my Dad's sister is in Wyoming. Not exactly nearby for support.

I know you guys will understand. In this case, I hope I can go to FWA, means things are good.

Yep that's right! There is a Dr. Who convention in Georgia for all of you Dr. Who fans!
It's called TimeGate!
Currently hubby and I are going to volunteer for them and we're trying to get them into knowing furries and that there are furry Dr. Who fans.

A quote from their facebook page.
"I hope you're all excited to come to TimeGate in May and meet KATY MANNING along with all of our other fabulous guests (and more to be announced!). If you've not purchased your admission to the convention yet, you should do it soon. You can buy a weekend pass now for only $45 (it'll be $60 at the door). ~Alan"

For those who don't know who Katy Manning is, to quote Wikipedia:
"Jo Grant is a fictional character played by Katy Manning in the long-running British science fiction television series Doctor Who. Jo was introduced by Barry Letts and Terrance Dicks in the first episode of Doctor Who '​s eighth season (1971) as a new companion of series protagonist the Doctor, in his third incarnation (Jon Pertwee)."

Hope to see some local furs there! Maybe a few out of state ones.

A poem to all my friends.
Written for me by kogie

Friends are family
There are people I hold oh so dear.
Whose love is always so very near.
They go by so many names.
But to me they are all the same.

These people are the ones I trust.
They will always do what they must.
I know many for many years
Yet some are new but are still dear.

Some Live close.
While others far away.
Some have homes.
While others are strays.

Yet all are important.
As night is to day.
I call them many things.
But friends they are all the same.


Today is my four year anniversary being on here! Thank you all!

My friends JTigerclaw and Katalina are asking for some help. Money is really tight as JT's job has been so so. If you want an icon, or some awesome jewelry or just make a donation, any help would be nice.

Info can be found here about JT:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6440961/

Info can be found here about Katalina:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6443992/

Saw that Wolfina_2007 did this and stole it!

Results from test http://bdsmtest.org/

Bondage Receiver (100%)
Switch (100%)
Experimentalist (96%)
Voyeur (91%)
Primal (Predator) (80%)
Brat (73%)
Bondage Giver (71%)
Submissive (71%)
Exhibitionist (63%)
Primal (Prey) (60%)
Degradation Receiver (50%)
Girl/Boy (50%)
Sadist (50%)
Slave (41%)
Masochist (38%)
Brat Tamer (37%)
Daddy/Mommy (25%)
Dominant (25%)
Vanilla (25%)
Non-monogamist (9%)
Degradation Giver (4%)
Pervert (2%)
All-Rounder (0%)
Master/Mistress (0%)

See my results at https://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=51212

Fun Fact: I found out I purr at times during sex. I can not purr otherwise. Yes, definitely predator.

Had to talk about depressing things today, so here's something happy. Or TMI. Or both.
Took this from Katalina. Enjoy learning!

1: When did you lose your virginity?
17

2: Rough sex or soft sex?
I used to love it hard and fast, but I've gotten to where I like it both styles.

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?
Not really. Light bondage, maybe licking stuff off his cock if I'm in the mood like honey or peanut butter.

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?
Near the woods in the back of a movie theater complex.

5: Favorite sex position?
Doggy style. The things I can feel, oh my word yes.

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?
Sub, but sometimes I like to dom.

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?
nope

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?
Bed. Floor is to hard on both of us anymore and couch is just weird to try to manage.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?
yep, the park

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?
once, when I was younger and didn't quite understand what I was even doing.

11: What does your favorite underwear look like?
yeah, me not wearing any. We don't dress up for each other.

12: How often do you have sex?
About twice a week, more or less.

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?
Just hubby

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?
receiving. I tend to try not to gag, but he does love when I do that for him, so I try.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?
Farting

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?
mmmm, not sure

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?
Pink Floyd

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?
yes, but he's not into it, so I don't.

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?
I used to want the shower, but we've fooled around in it and I'm not as into it now. He never was into doing it in water.

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now who would it be?
hubby. I'm not creative. lol

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?
Nah, don't want to.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?
Bought some, used them once or twice, done with them. Not really into it.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?
Yes

# 24 where did you go?

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)
cuddle, sleep, shower, watch tv

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?
Men in kilts with accents. mmmmmm

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?
both!

28: Favorite body part on the opposite sex?
butts

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?
uuuhhh.....I tend to look at breasts and than start comparing them.

30: Do you watch porn?
There is stuff he's shown me that he likes alot and then we'll try to rp it. So yes. Also, so much porn art on here! lol

I saw where Lazer is now offering characters to try to get some funds so he can keep his house.
details here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6393745/

Bills got tight for him and I'd really like for him not to be homeless! Anyone who donates $10 to him, I'm offering to do a sketch for.
In this style. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15270439/

Can be any one of your characters! Just please shoot me a message saying you donated! Or contact him and he can pass the word along.

:D please spread the word!

BerryPaws is offering a chance at free art. As a way to get her noticed. I do understand how that goes, so please give her a look. Some very cute stuff.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6392444/

My friend Lazer got in some trouble with finances around Christmas. His father has been in poor health, and on top of that he might loose his house now.

His journal with details can be found here. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6389297/

Please if anyone can donate, I know he'd appreciate it. Please also spread the word.

love ya furs.

My pal Kogie could really use some help getting a MRI to see what's going on with his back. They know it's nerve, but they don't know how much or what to do until he gets the MRI. He needs to try to raise $600.

More information can be found in this journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6380031/

There is also art that one could obtain, and some funds would go to help Kogie. Info here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6380742/

If you can't help financially, please spread the word!