Things have been chaotic for me the past few days my prescription ran out and I didn't know what to do about it as money is hard to attain when your jobless. I managed to get to the ER and they only gave me a few of my meds to hold me over. So at the moment I'm functioning quite well... Won't last longer then a week till I can afford to see my doctor again, that being said other things are happening in my life that's going to push back my art a bit. However I do plan to be working on some as well as streaming through twitch.tv I should be on in a bit, going to figure out how to add music to my stream so it's not boring as hell lol link is in the bottom.

Prolly going to do a animation music video in the near future as well as some porn ( didn't see that coming xD ) but yea hopefully soon I'll feel comfortable enough to take on commissions. :p

http://www.twitch.tv/synisterwrath/

finally got around to setting that crap up... although i still need to work out some crap but other then that everything should be going propperly ill be on there quite a bit, to allow others to watch me draw. either way, heres the link.

http://www.twitch.tv/synisterwrath/

As it stands my art skills are improving or rather I'm changing my priorities from quantity to quality. Which means, that my posts may take a bit longer but my posts will be significantly better overall. Also with this time on my hands I'll be able to do requests and hopefully commissions... Still unsure if I'm good enough yet.

My goals are to achieve art which great quality and hopefully speed will be achieved simply by time practice and effort. Also animating quality animations, flip book style rather then flashes cheat techniques that allow animations to be created faster. Atleast for the time being. At some point I need to get flash to convert my flipbook animations anyways.

I haven't had a chance but I might also sign up on twich to show exactly how I do what I do, fair warning though I don't sketch I just let my drawings flow, so watching me might be aggravating. Although hopefully another artist may give helpful tips to improve lol.

Anyways I'll be looking forward to drawing, and posting more. :p

er well kinda, you see due to a chain of events, using photo shop pro ive aquired their flipbook animation thing... which had me working on some stuff for HOURS... theres a issue though it doesnt same them as flash files id have to convert them... eh... dont worry though ill definatly be working on the fine art of animation fuck yea cartoons are the shit!

other then that, hmmm.... i dunno >.>

is there anything else out there?.... :v

hmmmm... >.>

DRUGSSSS!!!!!

I really gotta get back into drawing I've no shortage of time, lost my job because of idiotic reasons I had no control over, so really there's no excuse.

I've been mopping around avoiding others like the plague.

Eh... So unlike me....

Anyways hi.. Lol

Hit me up on Skype: nitro.jinn

If anyone wants to talk. Or just post here either way I need a kick in the tail to get myself back to normal.

-edit-
One of the reasons why I came back is because I searched myself in google, apparently my art is on a few sites I thought it was pretty cool that someone took the time and effort to post my stuff, and even linked me to my FA. Well anyways... :3

people sure do cry alot about stupid shit.

yea ive not been on in what seems like forever... havent.. had... enough.. well.. money to do much, things have been pretty... crappy.. eh... but hopefully ill be able to get my life together and do stuff again.. not that anyone actually like my art.. im not that great.. and know this..

anyways... might be awhile before im able to do anything.. soo.. yea.. :/

Log 1

Ever since we have gotten five new girls from what seems like all over. I have documented all the dreams of these girls in hopes I may discover the cause of their condition... The dream that most concerns me of a young girl Rae, her appearance seems like any normal girl on the outside. Worried about how well she looks brushing her hair constantly even altering the gowns our fair establishment has to look more, trendy... But what concerns me is this obsession with sewing and stitching, we are vigilant at confiscating all manner of tools she would use to alter her gowns however... She always seems to find more elaborate ways of making her gowns into, dresses. It boggled my mind since she's came into my care. What concerns me is that she, in her dreams has been mutilating and skinning her friends into grotesque dresses. Her dreams grow more and more violent during out sessions, she's even had a song to go along with her.. Dark obsession, "I'm stitching them together" the words forever burned in my brain... I can only hope that the salvation on this young child's mind is with in my capabilities...

Log 2

I've come to no conclusions as to how I may fix these young girls minds, upon further analysis I've learned more of, one of the more outgoing girls. She for what ever reasons prefers to be called pink. Now may that be of the singer or some fancy word of a specific type of drug I have decided to Hummer that notion I shale also refer to her a pink. She is a jokester of sorts and always making others laugh in any way she can. I've yet to understand if this is a mask that she hides beside but due to this I'm assuming she suffers from multiple personality disorder, as she from the first moments of getting here has had violent tendencies, raving about a number system and that she has to get back to her house to find out who is next... Her adoptive parents where unsure how to handle this child as her obsession with drugs and partying have all but consumed her life. The last session we had when she was under hypnosis she had mentioned something about a secret ingredient to her 'world famous' cupcakes, I can only assume they are drugs of some kind but her violent nature makes me wonder. Even more alarming she turned to me and looked me in the face saying "I can't wait to have fun with you, my new friend, I hope your number is next." It puzzled me even now as I jot down my thoughts as to what it meant, but it chills me even now.

Log 3

It's been quite some time since I last decided to log my thoughts, I have tried every thing I could so far one of the young girls is making some progress, AJ. She has spoke of the many horrors that had been done to her, the being raped ritualistically by her older brother, her biological parents abandoning her, and living with her delusional grandmother and younger sister who is now in child protective custody due to the neglect, and child abuse that had gone on for years. The story of her life it seems, and if I hadn't talked with her parents I would have never known the truth, she is a cunning lier. She made up these delusions for reasons unknown to me even now. What really concerns me is how believable she is, it's as if it did happen.. But I digress, under hypnosis she has spoken of tormenting her sister beating her slow brother and ranting about how good it feels to, be "fuck girls" and how he would never know such a thing. Her parents tried to help her as of now I've only been able to diagnose her with paranoid schizophrenia and pathogenic liar. However under hypnosis she's spoke of "how delicious it would be to eat her family" of course followed by the gorey details of how she would do it. I'm beginning to wonder if all these girls would remain in my care for their life's... Strangely I feel compelled to press on and find a solution..

Log 4

After a scare in the mess hall, I've spent more time with a quite shy member of the girls. She keeps to her self mostly, but after she punched one of the other patients in the face spewing out words that would cause even the most salty of sea faring folk to faint, one of the nurses had said even the tone of her voice was polluted with dark undertones. After taking it upon myself I noticed that during our sessions while she was awake she spoke with a soothing sweet voice that had really made me stop and think, 'why was this girl here?' After retreading her forms, I noticed she had been found, living in a abandoned house on the outskirts of town, surrounded by rats in which she spoke to.. Her parents left her, in that house for many years after investigating more into it they believed she was the devil, to which I laughed. However it was sad all the same, mental disorders explained by faith can cause tragic situations. Under hypnosis she speaks of demons, hell scrapes and all manor of fowl none sense that doesn't exist. I can only imagine that due to her parents religious upbringing she had fallen into this state of belief that would cause some of these faults..

Log 5

One of the girls I've been keeping a eye on attempting to figure her out, obviously narcissistic and a former athlete, working at a mattress shop called cloudcare. It's hard to believe someone as this would snap one day, found attempting to hang herself. She had dyed her hair in all sorts of ridicules colors with bird wing nailed to her shoulder blades, from a nail gun which laid next to her, the birds mutilated body found on a desk near by, her story seems to not make much sense at all. I've tried to figure out the cause of this while she was under hypnosis but all I could get from her was "I need.. To get back to the factory..." Yet I can't even place this to any of her situations perhaps a dream.

Log 6

Recently we have gotten a new girl to our facility, book worm type very intelligent.. She has committed herself too ranting about suicide. strangely enough I've felt the same I did with the other five girls, although since she has come here she has proclaimed herself the ring leader to the other girls, often hearing that she has passed tasks to the other girls. I'm not sure what shes up too, but I've warned that no one escapes this place. Ill be damned if I let anything happen such as a escape, I can't let that happen.. Not when I feel that the next day ill find the miracle cure to fix these young girls...

Log 7

Words fail me, as I find more about these girls fitting the shambled remains of their minds back into there original sain selfs.. For now ill switch to audio documentation.

Audio 1

" ..now, I want you to count back from ten. Same as all other sessions, imagine falling back into a cloud floating down, as soon as the cloud reached where your body is you will be asleep."

"Ten.. Nine... Eight...." She trailed off.

"Good. Now Tye, I want you to go back into where it first began, that moment where you first thought of suicide."

"I.. I can't believe. It's my birthday! Mom dad thank you so much! I forgot about it!" She spoke cheery.

"Go on what happens next?"

"I... No... I need to study for finals, mom it's important..."

"I see, why is it more important?"

She paused for moment.. "Because.. Your such a failure, you can't do anything right."

Puzzled "your mom, why is she a failure? Why can't she do anything right."

A grin crept up her lip as she spoke, "oh, I'm not talking about my mom. I'm talking about you and your funny looking eyes."

Pause, then she speaks again. "Who are.. You talking about?"

"You of course, you dumb bitch. You should really get out of that thick skull of yours, it better in the real world."

"Real world, your saying that your fantasies and delusions are real? A.. Memory maybe?"

She sits up looking strait at the doctor, saying "now careful derpy, you don't want to do any more damage then you've already done."

..."I.. Just don't know what went wrong."

"Yea, it's a mystery."

....

It told me to "no"

I asked should I continue drawing.

O______o

...what if ditzy doo mentioned in winter wrap up is derpy hooves? I mean it makes sense if you think about it, ditzy must be a Pegasus because she was on the flight team to get the birds from the south but went north instead? Lol and it doesn't show ditzy at all during winter wrap up, which makes it all the more possible. Well wether she is or not derpy hooves or as I think she is now aka ditzy doo, the Charecter named by fans is my second favorite Charecter. Second to fluttershy. :3

Dunno if this subject was ever talked about it, I don't go around brony forums or sites... More i think of it the more I should lol. XD

I hate my brain for being... Well...

Friend called me a meerkat cause Im always lost in thought can't concentrate and end up looking around with a blank face most of the time laughing at jokes in my head and simply incapable of focus. Adoral has helped before... But with out a legit prescription I don't wanna do it. I may get this machine that alters your brain waves it's only 378$ I'd use it when drawing, or reading or learning. It's suppose to help with a lot of things.

http://www.trans-cranial.com/?gclid.....Fa_m7AodF0cA-A

That's one of them, hopefully it would work hate to be out 300+ with nothing to show for it. Lol

The thing is I tried all sorts of chemical and natural supplements. But alas my meerkat manner still is apparent in my RL self lol and yea pun intended aka meerkat manor xD

Anyways... ;3

Learn animation... Lol well learn about flash makers or something, used to have flash and would try to animate... But was never any good. :/

I'm finally out of that hospital I can and have been drawing all day. :3

Why... Why.........

I... Can't... Believe..... It's over.....

Game... Over....

Omg.... I thought there was more?!??!?

I... Was saddly mistaken....

How else am I going to get my fix?!??

They can't just end it... Can they?!??!

I... I'm so sad... ;-;

My little pony... Ends season 3, episode 13.

My heart... Was just starting to warm again...

And now... There is no more....

I can already feel the icy grip of the cold hard reality swallowing my black heart once more, with out the warm fussy feelings what am I to do?

Did they all live happily ever after? I'm guessing yes but soo many unanswered questions, so many adventures untold... Derpy why derpy I wanted to see you and all your silly, a whole episode of you!!! And and, vynal scratch! You have to dj moar party's.... Did the cutie mark crusaders ever get their cutie marks?!? Does spike ever get bigger, and not be a jerk!!? What about crazy pinkie when she slips from her reality, turning into what seems to be a psychotic schizo version of herself does she slip and get multiple personalitys? Does spike and rarity ever get together? Does scootaloo have a family, and or does rainbow dash ever become sisters? (Well I guess they did but I wanna see a episode of them actually playing that out!) does apple jack ever go become a rodeo star or make lots of money? What will twilight sparkle do now!!??!!?! Does she still hang with her friends?!? And oh fluttershy... I could watch endless episodes of just fluttershy being so damned adorable... Do they ever get somepony special? Big Macintosh, does he ever get with the teacher?! Does rainbow dash ever become a thunderbolt, and or is she really a lezzy? I mean all signs point to yes... But... I'd very much like the idea of her being bi, rainbow colors are the sign for gay pride but still.... Am I the only one freeaaaaaking out?!?!!!!!

Okay... Rant over... Leave me to wallow in a depression I haven't felt since the I last tried to mine nostalgia from the games I used to play or the movies books and series I used to watch.

Fml how could I get emotionally attached to a children's cartoon for little girls...

Oh well.. I stand by it. MLP specifically friendship is magic, is one of my all time favorite series now...

Well tomorrow I get out of the hospital, ill have to get to drawing hardcore... First and foremost, ill have to practice drawing mlp stuff then I will draw my charecter ponyfied. And soon as I'm comfortable, ill draw the friendship magic charecters. I... Will prolly draw yiffy stuff... But yea, that will come soon enough.

/start cry.exe
/start depressed.me
/end journal.fml

Brony... I never thought I'd find myself watching mlp, but I thought I'd see what the fuss was about... Apparently the series, friendship is magic, is well put together stimulating and has a great storyline.. The art is fantastic voice acting is amazing... Reminds me of how I used to watch dragon tales... Lol I'm a sucker for the cute and snuggly... Which means yes fluttershy is like my favs.. Lol

Fml this means I have to draw mlp stuff fml fml fml...

Soon as I get out of this hospital, ill try to catch up on some art. X-x

Would seem as if my second life account has been compromised... What in the actuall fuck.

Need to get laid, lol it's been awhile ;-;

Be perscibed Adoral. Friend gave me one and today was the most productive focused day I've had in a LONG time I mean fuck I unloaded two trucks at work in 4 hours and trained more on the forklift, got home cleaned out the care cleaned cleaned... Then I sat down and started drawing and oh my god a fucking amazing art flow!!! Holy shit. Hmmm gonna look into this... >_>

This....

http://bad-dragon.com/products/hazel

I'm perpetually horny... :(

To get better, fuck the fame. I just wanna copy past my brain matter on a pad and pen or digitally, anything from the darkest reaches of the fucked up shit I think about to the wronchy pornographic sexiness that will cause a euphoric spasms of pure ecstasy in even the most up tight conservative asshole.... Ha

I should smoke weed, some of my best ideas came from it. It's been years though, yeaaaarss, put down the bong when I was 18. Question is how would it effect me now at age 27?

Hmmm...

paper in pencil is easy enough, i mean i grew up using it to begin with.. a little more then half way through my life i got myself a tablet, which opened up new possibility's, techniques and styles and OH THE COLORS... but looking at my art i tend to think to myself more then a lot, as to how sloppy and undetailed it is.. even more so in the fact that the knowledge i have of the programs i use to draw is horribly limited.. it gets to the point where i spend 10 minutes sketching 1 hour line work, and 4 hours to color, and another 2 hours to shade... there has to be easier ways... little short cuts to clean up my art.. i look at other artists work and i see perfect line-work (which im use they use some integrated tool in what ever programs they use.) perfect coloring (also fast coloring, i watched a couple you-tube videos.... crazy really..) and immaculate shading ( which i still struggle to find the light source... soo i improvise with the tools i know and think its still not enough... for instance, i watch a certain artist pump out highly detailed works of art clean shiny and ready for view sometimes 2 - 5 a day... A DAY... assuming this person has a job, thats like fucking jesus shit.

anyways, i know i suck.. i hope to get better.. and call it a pipe dream but i hope to someday have a renown artist take me under his/her wing to show me and teach me the steps to hone my style of art, and to bring out the detail and OCD im afflicted with into works all would enjoy viewing...

but yea its a dream i guess lol.. to be honest i feel like a hermit, for instance.. i dont go to fur cons the closest ive been to was metro and megacon all anime. it also doesnt help im kinda in my own little world when ever im around people dazed and confused and sober.. god i hate being sober..

and there you have it the ramblings of a sucky artist. LOL

Picked up my tablet finally.. And it's those damn wavy lines... No matter what I do or how strait I know I should be getting it the fucking shit wants to wave about.. Even curved lines or any lines it turns a smooth wave into a jittery mess of scary garbage fucking with my OCD. I know my lines on paper with a pencil don't fucking wave about like that.. I remembered why I stopped using it... Fucking fuck shit.. Eh already did my research on how to fix the problem... Doesn't seem to be a one option that would work.

-not buying a new pen mine is still fairly new.
-not buying a new tablet cause its new too.
-tried stopping certain processes
-tried installing latest drivers
-cant take apart my pen no screw to do so anyways.
-don't see any options that might effect it.

It's happening in my main drawing app, sketchbook express. Would try something else but I like sketchbook, so no. I'm using a Alienware laptop duel video cards LCD screen duel Core processer, on windows 7. I've got a bamboo tablet, I mean I doubt it's a hardware conflict, I've had this issue before, I've owned 3 Wacom tablets before which all made me suffer. Is there a fix to this madness, or am I going to have to stick with pencil and paper?!?!!??

I can say that I can shift through my art taking the ones That where mearly doodles and not upload them lol, the guy cleared my art to that point. Call it lazy but yea it's easier to just upload the ones that are special to me.

/rant

I won't be uploading anything anytime soon... Apparently rotated images are not allowed? Okay, fine.. But add a goddamn function to fix the stupid rotation via upload! For fucks sakes! Just a small string of fucking java would fix this issue and everyone will be happy.

-/rant