NFT stands for Non-Fungible Token which is a blockchain based code that acts like an unique certificate that authenticates the originality for digital art. I first heard about this a week ago from a business guy I follow on youtube and lately there's a lot of buzz around them for a handful of reasons. It's pretty interesting because the blockchain technology behind NFT art can facilitate digital art being treated like traditional artwork.

Blockchain technology is widely known because of crypo currencies. In laymen terms, blockchain is a digital ledger system that are processed through a network of computers that are open to see in public. Every transaction is done transparently and it's secure because if one computer tried to tamper it, the other computers will prevent it. They're verified through multiple computers and every recorded action acts as permanent [blocks] in series one after each other in [chains], hence blockchain. How all of this applies to digital artwork is that an unique code gets assigned(tokenized) to an art piece. When the art piece is exchanged between two people, the blockchain records it and changes the ownership for the artwork. All transactions over the artwork are recorded and can't be tampered because the network of computers verifies everything. Anyone can find the history of transactions with the correct URL. Although digital art can infinitely be copied, NFT can be used to set limited amounts of the original artwork or fixed copies for multiple owners. Fake copies of the NFT artwork won't have blockchain based code the authenticates the owner(s) and creator.

I could see this beneficial to furry adoptables. In auctions where only one winner can own the adoptable, NFT can used to verify whether or not the winner actually owns the piece due to the transaction within the blockchain network. How NFT means to copyright laws, I don't know. Another benefit of NFT art is the royalty feature. When creators tokenizes their artworks, they could set up royalty fees every time the artworks get bought and sold after the first transaction. This allows artists to have additional income after selling the artwork.

On top of this, NFT art, like traditional art can be traded between investors. This is how I first heard about it last week. At the moment, there is a huge market for them because people are looking to make a lot of money trading between each other and expecting the prices to rise up through the hype up speculation that they're going to worth more in the future. Limited NFT art are traded like crypto currencies and the hype is at an all time high right now. Big name people and celebrities are promoting NFT art like the next big money scheme and are selling limited edition pieces. Some I saw cost over $100k. I think this kinda ruins NFT art because they're treated like trade commodities instead of unique digital expressions that are appreciated and enjoyed. Along with this, I heard that it can be used for money laundering. They are bought and traded through crypto currencies(Ethereum mostly) and criminals could exchange real money with cryto money and buy NFT art to hide their wealth.

A lot of noise on twitter I hear are hugely the environment concerns over how blockchain are processed. Apparently they use a lot of electricity since multiple computers are implemented to process every single transaction. It's so bad to the point where one transaction is enough for a single person's electrical use for 40 years. That's a lot of fossil fuel used just for one. On a grand scale, millions and millions are done all the time.

Overall, I could see how good NFT art can be and at the same time bad for a few reasons. I would like to have one just for the novelty and experience what's it like to get a NFT artwork.

Last night(10/19/20), I had a dream where I was picking up a fitness trainer/nutritional advisor(which I don't know irl) from China. We were at an airport and he was telling me about some nutrition stuff while we walk by those product advertisements you'll see on the wall.

As we pass by them, I took notice to one that featured a Soviet Union era watercolor painting. It depicted some winter army offensive where there was a Russian solder in a giant winter coat with an Kalashnikov rifle about to cross over a cold thin water stream. At a distance in the painting, there a Russian tank(probably a T-80) kicking up snow behind it as it drives through the open cold snowy field after they leave the tall Siberian trees behind them.

I remember telling the fitness guy while we were leaving the airport: "I should get an art commission based this" and nothing I remember happens after that.

Does that mean something?

I want to post artwork every week, but since I have a full time job and need to spend more time practicing, I usually don't. It doesn't mean I barely draw, I draw almost everyday with less than 2 weeks out of the year so far without drawing. For the past 2 months, I'm working on private material. When I'm done, I could work on public stuff.

My new name instead the cringy Tactical_Jackal is [ Esse ] pronounced like "Ess", "Es", or "S". It doesn't really matter if I'm called either name, but I'll be using my new name in artworks and fictional material. I made my old name back in 2016 when I didn't know better within the fandom.

Every year, I look back how my art progressed in the past 12 months and how my time in the furry fandom was. I intend to post a journal about it every February since it's the month I started drawing back in 2017, but this one is three months late because I've been having a hard time articulating things that isn't venting about how hard art is and my time in the fandom isn't great.

However, the most important things include that my art did improve since I was practicing figures a lot more and I started doing digital to make more revisions/edits. Dealing with people and seeing awful individuals in the fandom is taking a long term toll on me emotionally and in the past year, I learned to try to stay away from them and be less confrontational.

Compared to 2017, things are very different. My art looks less elementary school level and I learned how much shitty people there are in the furry fandom. So in nine more months, I'll be drawing as long as bachelor degree alumni and I wonder how much things would change by then.

For a while, I was drawing something everyday in order to boost my art skills(and out of insecurities). Yesterday was then first time I haven't drawn anything, making my 400th day streak to an end.

The universe punished me by giving me a cold.

Woohoo :V

Fur Affinity and twitter are the only sites where I post art. Much more often I use twitter than FA and the link can be found in my home page. There is a curious cat site I use to answer anonymous questions as well. For more real time conversations, I use telegram. But I use discord more often for one to one conversations and my user name requires pm for it.

If anyone has issues with me, don't be afraid to tell me about it. I've been more social online for over two years and I'm pretty sure step on a lot of people's toes with my antics.

I've been posting less journals and a little less on twitter because it would be me toxic venting a lot and I'm trying to not spread them so much. Building my art skills is frustrating for almost two years now and I'm having a really hard time dealing with other artists online in which my patience is falling apart over time.

To prevent me bitching a lot while I try to build back my temperament up with duck tape and glue, I've been writing down my "fweelings" on a notepad so they don't end up online. It's working for while now and I guess it's a sign of me maturing. It doesn't really fix the problems though, but at least it helps not making thing worse for myself.

I'm sorry for upsetting anybody when I lose my patience.

Hi I'm Tactical_Jackal o/

My name is a rhyme because my fursona is a Siamese jackal and I like military things.

The only hobby I have is drawing because of unreasonably high expectations and pressure. I've been drawing since February 2017 and aims to improve my art skills since then. While my artwork indicates what I'm interested in drawing, I also prefer military themes and weapons, but focusing on female human anatomy for now.

I can't really ask for artwork because I'm indecisive af and figuring out what I want usually takes a week. I love r34 while my NSFW interests changes almost every month. Usually I love things involving cleavage and thicc legs in pants :3

My pet is a German Shepherd dog and she's all whine and no cheese. She likes people and don't know much tricks.

What I hate in people the most are gatekeeping, arrogance and elitism.

My other interests are computers, shooter games and drunk karaoke :V

For almost a year, I had the link to my twitter account set wrong. It works now :V

oopsie

So it's been a whole year where I've been drawing everyday without a day off. Lately with the continuous stress of high expectations and pressure as well as dealing with random people in the fandom, I haven't been able to make finished drawings as much as I want to. I've putting more focus on tutorial drawings and sketches lately too so postings of them are more likely to be on my twitter account.

I'm sorry for not being productive enough, my tempo has gone whacky.

Without freaking out, the only thing I want to say is that I wish I had it easy when it comes to my art journey like a lot of artists do.

I'm apologizing in advance if postings of my artwork goes slow. I just signed up for New Masters Academy and going to focus on their online art courses during the weekend while struggling to do creative works the weekday. Also, I'm having a tough time dealing from other artists lately to properly concentrate on artwork.

twitter pretty much replaced my FA because I also post sketches unlike here where it's only more finished art. I also communicate more with people there and look at art more. There's more things I post there and stuff I talk about. This link brings to my twitter page.

https://twitter.com/Tactical_Jackal?lang=en

Art is my only hobby that I do when I'm not at work. Usually since it's meant to bring people joy, there's an aspect to it that makes me more unhappy in my life than being happy. It's not making art itself, but the social side of it that makes me really feel miserable for the past 16 months. High expectations, pressure, self-doubt, competition, superiority and conflict are typically things I have to deal with everyday while trying to be productive and improve my craft. The stress they bring is making my life more unbearable.

Before I reach a point where I just have to quit art so I could save myself, I'm going to try to put up with those aspects of my hobby so I could find a way to get rid of them.

Today is exactly two years since I started drawing as a hobby. Last year, I wrote a personal reflection about my (negative) experiences and I'm this journal is going to be a continuation since then.

My first year can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8625766/

So most of the journal from last year was dictated from the previous four months because it had the most impact. I began to compare myself to other artists after I realized how much better they were at drawing. I knew before, but one day it hit me like a train and it really bothered me because (what I realized recently is) I feel how their success strongly reflects how bad I am. It really got worse since then and it's a huge depressive spiral falling into. There were so many days where I felt bad for myself all day and mope away. I felt worthless as a human being just because I can't make good art and I felt sad a lot. It made me not want to look at other people's art as much and really damaged my joy of art. Nowadays, it's not as bad as 6 months ago, but more concentrated down from a few sources. I do still feel sad a lot that I can't make good art, but I'm trying to put up with it.

From looking from my galleries and my stash, I did improve much faster than my first year. Part of it is that I started to draw everyday consistently since the end of spring. Another part is trying new things that help me improve like practicing from references and practicing new techniques. I'm actually proud how far I'd come and I'm going to do more digital art which is going to make my art look better.

What I wish I knew back then was how much money I was going to lose by taking art courses. The courses I mentioned last year turned out to be flops and the Atelier program ended up to be a $1200 waste. What I learned is that I have to be more strict and picky in choosing art education.

tldr: Pretty much my past year was more depressing, a lot of money lost, but much improvement.

What's still significant is that I still feel bad about my skill level. What I feel now is as an artist, I am REQUIRED to have the skill level as the good artists right now-2019 and I shouldn't be making art if I can't. It's obviously not true, but feeling how the bar is so high and it's bad to be bad at making art still depresses me. There's a few artists I think look down on me and it makes it a lot worse.

I do enjoy making art, but there's going to be a point where it's not going to be worth it anymore because how the expectations and the social side of art are making me feel bad. It's surprising to me that I haven't cave in already given how terrible my past year was. I don't really know if I could last another year.

I'm going to cut down posting two drawings down to one in order to focus more on drawing for people. Even though it's almost a month where I'm starting to keep up two per week, I find learning how to draw other people's OCs is helping me out more than random things :V

I have a curious cat account where I can answer ANONYMOUS questions. So far I answered over 60 questions(mostly automated) and I'm up for specific questions from anyone. I think you don't need an account.

The link through here: https://curiouscat.me/Tactical_Jackal

Talent is something I've feel really down about not having for the past half year. I believe that it's essential to reach the "pie in the sky" and the "highest shelf" to get the best from art specifically. From that, I feel I'll never get there and everything I try very hard to make is very easy to a typical artist here. I would waste the best of my abilities and time over something I'm not optimized to do even though doing art is the only thing I normally do on my free time.

There's different approaches to artistic talent that I came across, but I'm not sure which one is true in order to really side with.

1. Talent exist by definition and it can be found in children when they begin a certain skill or aptitude. Over time, they develop artistic skills and creativity faster than non talented people and can be expected to be successful in an artistic career. I believe that everyone who is very successful or "made it" are all talented.

2. There's a double standard when talented artists claim that talent doesn't exist, but boaster having if they are professional or successful.

3. Like #2, but from untalented artists claiming it was through hard work only.

4. Talent doesn't exist at all and it's a misnomer for skill. The rate of improvement(through time and effort) is standard across everyone.

#1 is what I believe, but sometimes people tell me #4

I find #2 and #3 flip flops from professional artists depending which one makes them look the best. One is through a trail of achievements from childhood and the other is a trail of endless practice and frustration.

For the past month, I wanted to have two drawings posted every week, but I ran into a few drawings that I didn't like and ended up ditching them. On top of that, I've been indecisive on what I wanted to draw since I've been practicing more specific things.

So I think what I'm going to do is preliminary drawings before making finals while doing one military themed and one kind of artwork I've been doing every week.

I don't really know how long I'll keep this up because I'm more focused on practicing right now.

I've been practicing more source drawings like military tech and an adopt I have lately and I'm not creative as much as I used to. What are some things I should do to fire back the creative juice?

There was a few things that are haunting me and I thought a lot of them during November. What they really are is the message(or rather impression) I get mainly through socially is that I shouldn't making art because I'm not talented.

There are valid arguments against that, but what I'm getting from others are that not having "good" artwork, being a nobody and working hard are totally wrong. It's like I should have really good artwork one after the other all the time, having tons of views and likes while having them come easy as the standard of being an artist. The field of visual art seems to be like you have to be born with the right qualities or handed the right things to do it unlike Accounting or Computer Science. Otherwise you're going to have really the worst time doing it technically, socially and professionally. It also looks like there's an "in it to win it" aspect where making art and being an artist are nothing less than having great artwork occasionally, being famous, and making a living out of it. Those are great things to have, but it looks like having those supersedes me just wanting to do it.

I heavily feel like I have to be talented to do this, especially in the beginning where everything is hard to get through and at the end where "the winner takes all" part comes in. With the all hard work that the talented artists get easy and the learning that they don't really need to know because they just "get it", It looks like I'll end up in the middle; struggled through to do the easy things right, but not far enough to get the grand prizes. I'm fine having the technical prowess to make the things I like, but I feel it's wrong to not have everything else.

Obviously, this is all false; I know they are. But when I try to look away, something happens or comes up that reinforce those things I believe in. Some of them of are in the actual form of consequences like art school. I don't get the things right away like everyone else does along with the almost the no instruction and answers that I pay $300 out of my budget every month. If I complete the program years later, I would of paid a ton of money to do something that's simple, but too rigid to use creatively. Once I'm finish Phase I, I'm going to quit the Atelier Program, essentially dropping out of art school and find a new source to fits to me more.


What this really boils down is that I should quit making art. Even though I want to make art and learn how to do it really well, it seems that I have to have to be talented to do it and I'm going to get punished by other artists simply because I don't have the ability and qualities.

Being away during November helped keeping my mind away from the madness online a little. The posting will resume normally and I posted a few drawings I did during the month. I should have something every week because the weekend have a good amount of time to do presenting (coded as Block IV) artwork while I do more practicing during the week.

I'm ditching Medibang on my tablet because the canvas shrinks all the time when I try to draw. That's why there wasnt anything digital posted last week or at least anything. There are a few other programs to try out while I'll be doing Blackout November.

For the past year, my experience dealing with the furry social media has really gone downhill. I've been comparing myself to other artists too much, the negativity people (my fault too) is getting too much and I think the artist I was inspired to looks down on me for not being competent and popular enough. It was so bad that I don't want hang out at Picarto and Twitch anymore. This wasn't great like it used to be. So what I'm gonna do is just take a break from going to FA, Twitter and other places for the whole month of November except for a few private places.

On the good side, Inktober is making me enjoy creating art(or more if I did before) and it shows the huge contrast between positive and negative experiences of dealing with art. The communities and places don't really show the worth of putting my own attention and money into because not so much positivity comes out of it.

For November, I'm going to try being in my own bubble making art like I normally would and not paying attention to the nonsense outside.