I've decided, I'm leaving the furry community. I've nothing to add to it, except the stain of my existance. I'm a monster, i've known this, and so has many people. I'm gone. I'm done. I've nothing left.

People enter into my life, and leave me - broken, bruised, and forgotten. I've gotten tired of it. My past is my past, but it's all I'm allowed to be, all anyone ever sees, and since I'm not allowed to move on and grow and become more... I'll just bury myself.


Goodbye.

Ok, I know I hardly been consistent on my activity--but bear with me a bit XD

I've recently moved from Ohio to Georgia, to live with my BF and his family. Wasn't having a good go of it where I was, and needed an escape. Long story short, crap work situation led to high anxiety and stress, crap landlord, and I was so strung out, I hardly was able to focus on much of anything. I'd gone through some failed relationships, some toxic, and when I met my current BF, we just clicked ---we'd already been through some drama and weathered the storms.

I'm going to try to be more consistantly active, and might get back to writing my City of Fallen Angels story and maybe do some art. Which I've been dabbling with AI art to try to get a better visual of my OCs --I've several, mostly in text format because imo I can't draw for crap XD Might post the AI somewhere else, not sure. We'll see XD

So, for now,
SYOTDSOTM
~Jace

[SYOTDSOTM: See You On The Dark Side Of The Moon]

Been thinking about getting back into doing art. I'm a traditional artist - mainly because I don't have any fancy programs or gear or even fancy materials. What I do have are dollar store pencils, crayons, markers and a few sheets of printer paper left over from when my printer had ink.

But I just dunno. I've no real enthusiasm anymore - that got killed by the fuery art groups on fb and othey places telling me I can't draw and won't ever be good enough...

Well! After two years of hiatus, I'm stull pretty much homeless, but living at least on my brothers couch at night. Yay me...
\
EDIT: for those who want to, I'm on F-Graft Minecraft server a lot now.

Well, here's an update...

I'm in Cleveland Ohio now. Homeless, and living in a Men's Shelter. I have nothing to my name, so that's another reason for no updates or sporadic access.. ugh...

Alright, it's been a year sinc emy last journal entry, and quite some time since my last update to the gallery.

I won't go into details for my lack of activity, just a bleh mood lately. Artwork still sucks, IMHO, but since I don't have a scanner and the quality from my tablets camera is crap, no updates. If anyone wants to donate a scanner that'll work with an old 2002 Dell Inspiron e1405 series craptop, go for it? Or even an artists tablet thingy... >.<


On a side not, if anyone wants to donate time and draw a better ref sheet of my 'sona, go for it! Use me as practice, or in comical ways or as an extra. >.< Just tag me or message or whatnot when ya do so I can grovel more. :3

Well, I have returned. Unfortunately it'll be a long while before I can upload anything at this time.

Reason is: I'm homeless. My two year hiatus-disappearance was due to having been incarcerated --- for being homeless. hell of a crime, right? .... bah...

More later (if I can).

Well, I am pondering on doing more artwork...though I've no reason to really. Judging from the vein my artwork has taken, I've got issues I need to either work out or find a new muse. Also, I know I need to work on Anthro-heads, and I definitely need to work on proportions, detail-depth, and hands/paws-feet.

I've had another heartbreak, and currently have become extremely iffy on the whole love/mate factor in my life. It seems I keep getting relegated to the 'friend' category to the ladies, and I've become very wary on falling for another man - my last four male mates ended badly for me...

Well, this last bit goes out to those who actually watch me and read what I post or look at what I draw. If anyone has any ideas, or would like to see me attempt some form of artwork, please...please..give me suggestions. I need something to concentrate on..


--- The Crazy Old Wolf.

[X] you meow/bark to get attention (sometimes)
[X] you find pets toys amusing
[ ] you get hyper by the smell of catnip
[X] you growl/hiss when someone gets too close to your food
[X] you growl/hiss when someone you dislike is too close to you
[X] you purr/shake your leg when someone shows you affection
[ ] if someone tosses a ball, you chase it and bring it back
Total: 5

[x] you love to be scratched behind the ear
[x] you love fish/meat
[ ] you like to stick your head out trough the window of a moving car.
[x] you like when people pet your head
[ ] people can make you stop doing stuff by hitting you on the nose with a newspaper
[x] you think feathers are fun to play with
Total: 4

[X] you sleep a lot during daytime
[ ] you enjoy scaring birds
[ ] you lick peoples faces to show you like them
[ ] you bite people if they annoy you
[X] you tend to steal food from your friends/family's plate when you have eaten all of yours
[x] milk or water is your favorite drink
Total: 3

[x]you own a collar and you enjoy wearing it
[x] you own a leash and enjoy wearing it
[ ] you own animal ears/tail/paws or a fursuit
[x] you enjoy long walks in the park
[ ] you meow/bark when you see something you want
Total: 3

[x] you call your hands and feet "paws"
[x] you tilt your head when you do not understand what someone is talking about
[ ] you run to the door when someone mentions a walk
[x] you really enjoy cuddling
[x] you stretch your body and whimper a bit every morning when you wake up
[x] you can wake up and go back to sleep right away after looking around
Total: 5


[x] you have your favorite spot besides your bed where you like to sleep
[x] you meow or bark very often
[ ] you hide when you get scared
[ ] you run to the door to see who it is every time someone comes in to the house
[ ] you like to chase flying insects and try to catch them with your bare hand
[ ] you tend to chew on stuff a lot
[ ] you like to do tricks to get a treat
Total: 2

[ ] you own a wearable item/tag with your name on it
[x] you refer to your self as an animal
[ ] your username has something to do with animals
[ ] your e-mail has something to do with animals
[x] if you get a bleeding wound, you lick it to make it feel better
[x] you look for edible stuff often
Total: 3

[x] you often find yourself looking through the window for a long time
[ ] you like to say hi to strangers
[ ] you like to be petted when you have done something good
[ ] people think you act like a pet
[X] you growl/hiss at stuff you do not like
[X] you like to eat grass
[x] if you get wet, you shake to get rid of the water
Total: 4

Final Total: 29

Take your score and multiply it by 2
Put your title as "Im __% Furry"

I wrote this many many years ago. I wrote it to inspire the hopes and dreams of many people. Then I tore them apart gleefully, laughing as their souls were crushed. I'm a suck fuck.

Its the little things that matter the most.
The smallest details that lead themselves to
discovering the Truth. All you have to do is
look closely. But, like so many others, they
choose to ignore. I suppose thats why I'm
here, to face that possibility again.

A cold glance is all we receive. They
decide not to look below the surface, ... At
what we realy are. On the other hand, i may
be being too cynical.. maby not.

There are so many eyes in the city.
You'd think they could see everything.
But most are BLIND to the signs because they
choose not to see.

They convenientily pass by those who are
lost in dispair. But We see them. How can we save
a world so full of hatred and violence? ...But
there is hope. For hope is part of our being,
part of what we, everyone, is.

Many think there is only ONE way out,
the wrong way. Its the short answer to a
temporary problem. If ONLY those who
take that path could know it would lead
to nothing...but darkness..

That is why we're here. To lead those out
of that dark path, and into the Light of Truth..
We are the new leaders of a old Path, one that
leads to a glory far more worthy then the glory of
War and violence.

Friends, Brothers, Sisters, we're all that and more.
We're bonding together to form a force that can save
the world, slowly, but eventually. yes, it will be
a long, and hard path to follow, and the temptation
to follow a different path will be great. But it is hard
in order to test the Vertues of each of us. Hard to follow
in order to teach us how to improve ourselves for the better.

In closing, i would like to say that i'm not here to boss,
controll, or even bitch (ok, i'll bitch at times, everyone does..).
I'm here as a Guide, a Teacher, a Trail-maker. I'll answer as i
can, and i will lead you as far as i can. Though it is up
to you to make the trail, it is up to you to find what you seek.

There are times when I look at my life and wonder if anything was worth it. I look back, and all I see is me being covered in the filth of others. I look back, at the pain, and wonder, why. I look back, and see nothing is accomplished, my life a book with few pages written.

I am 31. And what do I have? I have been rejected by everyone around me, so often, even by those who don't even know I exist. As I look back at my life, I see myself being molested, raped, beaten physicall and emotionly. Abandoned by a mother, and rejected by two fathers. Ignored by those charged with my care, I grew introverted as my peers saw me as a worthless worm to torture. I taught myself how to defend myself, then taught myself how to kill - without emotion, which is one thing I am still pondering on regretting. I've yet to find anything that does make me regret dissolving my heart.

I look around me, about me, outside. I see people in love, having fun with each other. I ponder, "Why can't I have that? What is it that causes this lack?" and I answer myself. I am surrounded by the filth, the exriment of the foul leavings of the diseased humans on this planet.

Only thing I have ever asked for, is someone to love me, teach me how to love. To want me for me, and not just for the things I can do physically. Is that too much to ask?

Yes. It is. and so, I bid now adeu as I make my blades sharp, clean my guns, and ponder the penalty of immortality.

You know what.. I'm so fucking sick and tired of people responding to hate with hate. Ok, so someone calls you a Furfag, and you call them a hater and a retard, and such forth. Wow, congratulations, you just stooped to the level of Bully yourself with that response. So, what do you do instead? FORGIVE THE GUY/GAL who insults you! Spread INFORMED RESPONSES with LOGIC and THOUGHT.

So, here's what you SHOULD do when someone insults you - say thank you for your oppinion. Which is what is is. Do not take anything as an attack on you specifically for a generalized statement. And if it is an attack on you, let it be. Don't respond to hate with hate, respond to it by spreading TRUTH and LOVE.

For those CHRISTIAN Furs and Haters... Doesn't JESUS preach: "Judge not, that you be not judged, forgive and thou shalt be forgiven." ?? Come on, start livin like we're meant to - loving each other. We're _all_ family, in one way or another.

Life.. Love.. both four letter words, and something I've only got one of - the former, and not the latter. I've made my choice, now...

Now.. I am done. With everything. I might update, or upload, again, another drawing..but, since I suck I may just go ahead and give my art pens to the dumpster. I'll keep the paper, since it's only printing paper.. But.. I'm done. I put my FL Studio away, and remove my projects unfinished. I close all.

Good night.

Well fellow furs, I am glad to finally be back on FN. Still no scanner, but the job prospects are much better here.

For those who ask, yes.

I have walked damn near all the way to New Orleans, Louisiana. I walked from Ashland Ohio into Pensylvania, then south into West Verginia. Walked almost all the way through WV, but by the graces of five people, I didn't.

As I walked through PA, I walked on SR18. While in New Castle, I tried a Salvation Army to see if they'd help me get a bus ticket. They said they could put me in a homeless shelter for two months, but then I'd have to find another shelter to live in. "Idiots, I _HAVE_ a home, I'm trying to get to it." ..they shrugged and told me they only help the homeless. Assfuckers. and as I was leaving, found only ONE person who offered to give me a ride, and I even offered to help the lady lift some calves into the back of her truck - we even raided an Aldi's dumpster for her goats (and myself, I must admit! It's amazing at the good food Aldi's throws out..frozen meats and pizza's etc just because the 'sell by date' was that day!). She dropped me of a few miles outside New Castles corporate sign, and I then walked into West Verginia via SR18 to I22. Then walked SR2 along the Ohio River, heading west a bit. When I got to Wheeling, WV, it had been raining steadily for four days -- I had holes in my boots, so my feet were wet the whole time. Plus blisters having popped.. I got to a McD's and stopped in for some free ice water, and after sitting for a few minutes, I found I couldn't put ANY pressure on my feet without damn near blacking out from pain. Got an ambulance ride to the Wheeling Hospital, and there found out I had a nasty case of Trench Foot. Doctor got out the surgical kit to remove the flaps of dead skin that had tightened up and proceeded to just RIP THE DAMNED SKIN OFF MY FEET.. then cut a small peice of living flesh off.. all after forcing me to sit in the damned ER naked except for one of those open gown things (which I wear with open side to the front. You want to see my ass? tough, you get to see the other side instead, perverts!) ... Damn near punched the doctor, but restrained myself (barely). Got told I had to stay off my feet and keep them dry for a week. Called Salvation Army and got told they're not doing any more intakes for the shelter and to go somewhere else. Fucking .. *restrains self again and coughs*

One guy gave me a ride, then called his friend who was getting off of work and heading my direction, after he dropped me off (I did not know he had called the guy). I walked 3 miles, then got that second ride. This guy was going to make another call to another friend but the third guy was working. So, I made it to Parkersburg. From there, I walked a few more miles southward on I77 when a trucker stopped to give me a lift. He dropped me off in Charleston, WV and I went to the capital building. There, I printed a Google Map to get me to New Orleans, Louisiana. I walked down I77 until a cop finally told me to get off the freeway (it is illegal to walk the interstates). I walked 3 miles BACK the way I came and took the I77/I64 Scenic Byway. That added quite the milage to my walk! But, it was nice scenery, and quite a few kind people gave me money for food - or just bought me food at McD's and brought it to me without letting me know they were doing it! Got off the byway, having bypassed the toll booth, and stopped at the Mile Marker 69 Rest Area. Sat there for almost five days with a sign "I am trying to get home to New Orleans Louisiana. Please help me out by giving me a lift -- even part way is alright." People gave me pocket change, some gave me 5's, some gave me 20's. Then one couple driving a cargo truck (sortof like uhaul but not) offered to drive me south, so I went. They dropped me off at Tamarack, West Verginia. Nice place, sat there for four days with that sign until a guy headed south along I77 offered to give me a ride as far south as he could - he was going to Myrtle Beach. He dropped me off at the I77-I20 junction in Columbia, South Carolina.

I stuck around that area for a while, munching on Taco Bell and writing my book a bit - pretty much hiding from the rain and moving from my bridge to Taco Bell at the short pauses between rainfall. Taco Bell gave me free food, customers would buy food for the poor writer strugling to survive -_-' .... Eh, people believe what they see. Met a fella there who had JUSt become homeless, and after hearing my story he felt a little better but also a bit bad about my situation. I gave him some advice on how to get things back together (and did a Rune casting, sortof like Tarot, for him) and he is now living in a 3 story house and holding a nice job. But, after three days the rain let up and I walked west on I20 until I got towards Augusta Georgia. Twenty miles from the border, a state officer stopps me on the freeway, and gives me a ride to the welcome station in GA, some few miles past the border and six miles from Augusta. From there, I walked towards a rest area when a guy saw me and gave me a ride - this guy told me that God told him that morning he'd see a man walking and to give him a ride... two hours later, he see's me... Well, I camped that night under a bridge, started walking and another guy stopped and gave me a ride. He's an ironworker, and remembers those times when he didn't have a car. Bought me McD's and drove me 112 miles to a rest area. There, I sat for two days with my sign. People would give me money - what I thought was a few dollar bills, turned into a dollar bill wrapped around a 20! And so, I ended up with $131. Enough to get me a bus ticket at Greyhound (cost: $102). So, I walked down to the highway and stood there with a sign (something just told me to do it) when traffic was jammed due to road construction. That's when a van full of missionaries stops and offers to give me a ride -- they would've missed me if they had gone their original planned route but something told them to take this one instead. And so, I got a ride to the Atlanta Georgia Greyhound. Bus left at 11:54PM, arrived at New Orleans Louisiana at 8:25AM (after a 1hr layover in Mobile). I had texted my brother to let him know I had a ticket and was on my way. He didn't show up, and I sat at Greyhound until damn near noon. Left a voice mail (about 3 of them) to let him know I was walking.

That's when I decided to walk to his door. As I walked through the French Quarter, I heard this behind me: "Give me all your money and I won't stab you." Voice calm as could be. I turned, smiled, and the guy took off running screaming for his 'mommy'.. So I went back to walking and made it to the ferry. Got into Algiers, and got lost until I found a Chevron and used some of my last remaining money to buy a fucking map of New Orleans. Guided myself to the street in Harvey and found the house. And this is where the story ends, but with comedy: I did my usual "Shave and a hair cut, two bits" knock and when my brother Seph answered it was all laughter because he was just about to send me a IM on my mobile that he was on his way to pick me up at the bus station -- at 6pm.

So now, I am home. I have been home since the 1st of Octobur. I started walking on the 28th of August. I layed on the couch and occationaly got up to work on my brothers computer - he messed up on software and I've been fixing it - deleting several unneccessary files (such as porn pictures that have no picture but still take up space)... That's gonna take a while to do. Meanwhile, he and his wife are trying to get me a job working with them at The House of Shock. Don't know it? Google it. Trust me, it's a great place if your into the whole gothic death zombie vampire thing. It's dedicated to horror movies, and is more of an open area theater. Lots of pyrotechnics and great makeup.

And so, I close with this: "So long and thanks for all the fish!" ... I did, I realy did - I kept a towel with me at all times. Either in my Type II Combat Assault (ARMY) backpack or dangling from my arm....

Although I must say, I am currently wearing the only clothes I have. A friend on FurNation has gratefully helped me with boots. My brother and sis (his wife, you perverts!) have a 1yr old who goes through alot of diapers and we've got barely enough after medical bills to feed ourselves, let alone get me new clothes from even goodwill.

Great. Getting booted by my brother, and need to find a place to live... Damnit..

Anyfur out there that needs someone to clean, cook, do house repair, etc... ?

Wow..I need to update this more often. Maybe even add pics now and then if I can ever get a scanner (or if someone has an old tablet to donate...)

Towards the end of june, I moved in with my mate - who I had been with for six years. Spent a month living with him, and ended up walking 200 miles to get back to my brother's apartment because things fell apart between me and my mate. I understood he had problems, and was losing 10% of his right foot from osteomialitis. Also, I understood that only one of us had income - and there was four of us. But to call me a lier, a thief, a whore, and a slut - not to mention the word I hear alot - ugly..and tell me to walk back to my brothers.. that was uncalled for. But, I should have known it wouldn't work out.. He spent all the money he had, plus the money any one of us had, on Bakugon toys and transformers. Even baught collector toys and took them out of their box to play with... When he sent me away, he called me a thief - claiming I stole his iPod and GBA games. A few days ago, he IM's me to apologize for accusing me of theft. I accepted that apology, and though he wants me back - I'll remain friends with him but thats as far as I'll endanger my heart again.

Sending me away tells me I am not loved, never was, and never will be. Forcing me to walk 200 miles tells me that he doesn't care. I passed out twice from heat exhaustion. Nearly had a heat stroke. And was sunburned like mad (looked like a ripe tomato).

But now, nearly two weeks later, I have fallen in love again. Yes, many may believe that it's too soon. But love is never too soon, and if you pass up an oppertunity for love, you lose it and it is gone. So, I declare my love for this - unnamed man for now, as he just had a recent break up himself and I accepted him in his entirety.

As for me, I bid adeu for now, mon joli petit ami's.

Woah... been waaay too long since I've been here. Here's an update for the past four years....


Homeless, went to prison (sadly because of someone else breaking the law) for a few years (2.6), and then being stuck in a Volunteers of America half-way house for a year before they realized "Hey, he's supposed to be in the Transitional Housing Program, NOT in this half-way house!".

Anyway, still trying to get back to drawing, and getting a digital camera (for generic purposes). But top priority is: Money (Work!), and Home (Need a place!)

Well boogers! I'll be goin back to teachin myself how to draw soon as I can get more lead for my mechanical pencil - and paper... blegh. ... *looks at junk all over* Yard sale time!!

Blech. Anywhats. I've been playing DoD lately (courtesy of my Steam account) and Counter-Strike..so either one will more then likely influence my drawing once I can draw it ^_^ ..myargh.

4am..out of soda..haven't slept in 3 days..ah'm toasted.

Nighty Nig-- *zzZzZzZZzZzZZ-SNERT-zzzZzz*

Wow, an UPDATE!! Holy smokes! Yes, I got the net back and hopefully I'll be able to update more often..

Ah bugger. Had a job for a good month and a half. Monday I got fired due to an asshat who chose to complain about a minor detail. I sweep the floor of a factory. It's my job. Apparently, even when I don't NEED the broom, I have to have it in my hand. Meaning, I have to goto the restroom - keep broom in hand. According to asshat, that is. He decides to go off and tell then all I do is walk around and do nothing. Gets me fired.

Ah well. So far, no drawings. Though I've been tryin to learn how to color photo's with GIMP and not doin too well. *sighs* ... Well, gatta go.


OH, and thanks to those who +watch/+fav ! Though I did leave a shout, thought I'd leave a bit more of a thanks ^_^.

If I can get my skillz back, I may draw a few chara pics as thanks *glares at mountain of crumpled drawings* Though not in the forseeable future. Still tryin to get used to drawin Furry (started off drawing free-hand copies of Anime/Manga characters...)

SLATFATF
So Long And Thanks For All The Fish!

...sie! Well, Got the rent paid AND got my scanner workin! Now to work on reobtaining my drawing ability.

Hopefully I'll be able to get a job so I can afford next month let alone this months utilities -_-' Otherwise, I may end up goin nutz and joinin the Army or something.

Anyway, I'll try to get somethin up within the next few days..

TTFN
Wolfy

Fuckin hell.. Because I can't get a job (fuckin asshat employers) I'm
gonna be homeless unless I can sweet-talk the landlord. Chances of
that actually happening? slim to nil and slim just left. Ah well. Guess
the road is gonna be my home for a while then.

Unless someone out there needs a work-slave? I know how to cook (uncle is
a master chef..), pretty good at most repairs, decent with most housework
and I dun take up too much space (hell, I lived in a friends closet
for 3 months and was comfy!) .....Yep, ah'm desperate here...

Got..maybe a week left..bleh.

Well, decided to flip over here from DA, following TrueGrave9 ^_^ ... Sad thing is, I may not be able to put much up due to a possible loss of housing arrangements.. City's dry as far as jobs go.

I'd do commisions but my art sucks. Ah well.