This is not a journal about my fursona.
This is a journal about me.
My feeling at this moment in time.

I know I haven't written a journal in 4 years, to be honest, I don't see the point in it, why would I write things down for people not read? But doing this feels like the only way I can get things off my chest without going through the process of talking to someone face to face which I have come to hate.

Growing up I have never had a problem with anxiety, I was always the kid who wasn't afraid of anything, I would go to places I wasn't supposed to, do things I wasn't supposed to and when I fucked up, I would learn from them, but not anymore

So I had a mutual break up with my ex just before Christmas last year, it wasn't anything bad as in we had common ground in both of us thinking that it would be better if we broke up, I'm not questioning any decisions that happened to be honest again, I'm glad we did, I don't resent anybody.

But these last few days, I've felt so...well to put it in simple terms..........lonely and scared, I don't know what to do, my mind is completely all over the place, I can't concentrate, I don't feel......me.

I'm anxious about everything, and I mean everything. I had an episode yesterday where I was scared to even drive my car.
I'm a professional driver by trade and I was scared to even get in, I don't know what's happening, why has this come to me now?

I think maybe after 7 months, the break up is finally getting to me? I don't know, I mean our relationship was 8 years long, I would of been married if it hadn't of been for covid, and what would of happened if it did, I don't know, again I'm scared, I'm scared of every uncertainty. Does this happen when someone has anxiety?

I have also had a lot of problems with confidence, even as a kid, my self esteem is always low, and my self doubt is always sky high, plus if I do something let's say for example I'm taking a driving test, If I do one tiny little thing wrong, that's it I'm thinking about it for the rest of the day, why can't I let it go? And if I make a big mistake then that's it I freeze and then the tears start to flow, I don't know why I do this, it's something that I've done my whole life, I can't help it, do I just want to be perfect all the time? I know it's impossible, where does it come from? These things bring me down even more, and when I start crying, it's the most embarrassing thing ever. Easily stressed?, yeah I am. I'm 27 I don't want to feel like this.

Its been a while since my last journal, im not very good at writing or saying things that is worth putting down on paper (theoretically speaking)

Well here goes
I have found myself growing apart from this fandom, dont take it the wrong way, I still love this fandom and the idea of this fandom its just that it was a way for me personally to make new friends and be a part of something along with that sense of belonging, But now im growing away from it, since I moved out of my parents home and into my own I feel as though furry has taken a step back, don't get me wrong I am so thankful for what this fandom has done for me over the years but now I need to open a new chapter of my life.
This takes me to my next discussion which is my job.
I work for a local council doing grounds, which for me was a really good for my first real job, it got my foot in the door and was well paid, but the is no career out of it, I go to work to do a job and go home again, the is no progression at all, so ive had a think and now I have applied to join the British Army.

It was a very hard choice but ive made up my mind to join the royal logistics corps as a driver or something like it. The reason is because my family has a history for being in the armed forces, my grandad was in the navy, my great grandfather a part of operation market garden during ww2 and I feel like I would like to carry on my family's tradition. But It will change me, I know this and it scares me, but sometimes you have to cast off the child and become a man. No more sitting around on my ass smoking weed all day, doing nothing, achieving nothing and wasting my life. Bit I didnt want to leave you guys in the dark, my mind is made up and im going for it one way or another. Even if it means becoming an infantry soldier, I am getting in the army.

Well there you have it, thats what I have been planning for the last couple of months. The long road to a better life has started and its exciting bit also very scary.

Thanks for everything furry fandom you have been a blast and I dont want to think of the person I would of become without you.

Add me on telegram and have a chat :) i dont bite
on telegram im called Tod gingerwolf

yes i know its Wednesday but was curious :P
all questions will be answered in truth
go on :P i know you want to :P

Judgeing by the recent artwork ive posted up i do belive i have become a full blown Femboy at this point in time

im just putting this up because a couple of people i know has done it, so What would you do if you owned me for a day? comment below or note me if you want it secretive :P

Tod Out

I Just hit 1000 pages veiws and im so happy right now :P -wags tail- i love you all so much Thanks Orange Wolfy hugs for everyone :P -waves-

well the new year is on us :P time has just flown by and im very drunk at the moment and ive got a nose full of snuff -how did that even happen?- well happy new year guys, lets hope that 2014 will be more exiting than 2013 :P have a good one people :) More drinks plz

WOW its been another year already, seems like yesterday that i was unwrapping my copy of Halo 4 and playing it for the first time :P well have a merry Christmas and a happy new year :P

1. What's my favourite colour?

2. How old am I?

3. What's my favourite past time?

4. A country I have always wanted to visit?

5. Favourite musician/bands?

6. My lucky number?

7. My favourite Movie?

8. My least favourite colour?

9. Favourite movie genre?

10. What do i study at College?

11. Do I have any brothers/sisters?

12. Favourite pizza topping?

13. What's my shoe size?

14. Favourite cartoon?

15. How many posters do I have on my wall?

16. How many pets do I have?

well alot has happened since my last journal so?? on with it :P

My suit came this week which was made by and ive never been so happy in my life i just want to wear him al the time :) ive came to the conclustion that i will be taking a break from relastionships because i just get heartbroken everytime so im staying single for a while and keeping my flirting to a minimum :) Im also off to the London furmeet again but its going to be my first time suiting and its going to be in our countrys capital and once again the small desert wolf is in the swaming metropolis :P and after that the week after its the norwich meet and might be the meets first fursuit walk so thats exiting :P just hope i dont run into anyone from work or college :P

Job is still lame :(
money is still at a low income
suit is awesome
and weather is shit

thanks for reading
stay safe
Tod

Hi all :P

Im off to london this weekend to go to the furmeet and stay round freinds will be great.
This is my first furmeet outside of my home town so i will be ingulfed in the big city so hpefully i wont get lost or mugged by humans :P One little desert wolf in the big swarming metropolis. Im staying round and will be traviling with on a train woot woot.

Hope you all the best
Stay safe
Tod

I hit 500 page veiws today and to be honest i didnt think i would be that interesting but anyway we have our reasons to interesting, So a big thank you to everyone for making me feel great -Wolfy hugs for all-

Started working as an apprentice in Grounds mantaniance which is basicly a grass cutter, pay is lousey but im going all around my county of Norfolk and also i get training with it too,

Fursuit is paid for and should be finished by october, i can hardly sit still im so exited :P

Over the last 2 weeks my knee has got from being annoying to down right painful its just whenever put wait on it, it sents sharp pain through the whole of my leg, going to docters in the next couple of days to get it cheaked out, hopefully its nothing serious, Touch wood

Thanks for reading
Stay safe all
Tod

I am now qualifided to go on the road. GoD HElp Us ALL!!!!!!

Well I know that I haven't really done a journal in like forever but I think it's time I made space in my day for this

Well first things first I have just started an apprenticeship in horticulture (grounds mantinance) and so far its going well. My income has gone up, I'm feeling better because I'm working and earning and I now have money

During the time that I have not made a journal I have only 2 things that I want to spend my money on

1. Download: Download is a heavy metal festival that takes place in June I'm going with three mates from college its going to be epic.

2. Fursuit: because it's just something that I have wanted since Ive been in the fandom.

Also I have my CBT (bike test) in a couple of days so wish me luck

That's all for now
Stay safe
Tod

Earth hour is just around the corner
Earth hour is a charity event that takes place on the 23rd of march
I am doing the i will if you will challange to show my interest in makeing this planet a better place for future genorations
The challange is
If i get 700 of my freinds and the furry community to join Earth hour then i will Dye my orange Fur And beard a different colour
so if you want to learn more about earth hour theres a video you can watch on Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UywrjnOaUE
Show that you care to help save our planet
plz support
thank you

well exacly one year ago i found the furry fandom and i have loved every second of it. 2012 has been a tough year for me, going throgh exams at high school, worring about if i got into college, finding a job (which didn't happen), being under the weather a couple of times, being in a finacal crisis and many other things, but i always had the fandom which kept me going. i want to thank everyone for just being great and for being there -wolfie hugs-. my favoite memory of the fandom was finding out that Norwich had a furmeet,i was compleatly overjoyed as if a whole new door had opened and now that door has cloesd behind me and will not open again because im never leaving this fandom, so i spose you all have to put up with me now :) Love you all :) and thank you

Well where to start, my one year in the fandom will happen on the 17th january, it's been a crazy year going through leaving high school, my GCSEs, my first furmeet, getting my character sorted out and meeting a load of new friends who have made this year my faviote so far and I just want to thank all of you for being so great in making 2012 a year to remember. Well this year will be remembered as the year that changed my life, being in the fandom has changed me as a person and I really dont know where.I would be without it. But my biggest thank you is to my friend Al Darkwolf for being their.when the road got rough. But a big thank you to everyone -hugs-

Coming home from Collage after a very long day of paper work and assessments Tod went straight up to his room to lie down and play on his Xbox after about 20 minites there was a loud bang on his window. Tod got up and inspected his window there was nothing so thinking nothing of it he went back down to playing minecraft. About 5 minites later there was another bang on the window this time on the window oppersite side got up again a little worryed now, there was nothing again so feeling slightly scared he went back to playing minecraft. Then after about 20 minites Tod was downstairs making himself a lovely cheese and ham toastie when he heard a much bigger bang on the kichen window which made him jump out of his skin, Tod went outside to inspect the outside of the window and there was a pigeon lieing on the grass, after about 5 seconds it got up and flew away. So utterly amazed that a pigeon could be so stupid Tod went around the house to look at the other windows that have been hit and sure enough there was a blue tit on one side that was unharmed but just knocked out and a starling on ther other that was exactly the same so that was very strange and weird but was quite funny.

Thanks for reading
Tod
PS
no birds were harmed in the making of this jounal

Furmeet tomorrow YAY can't wait

um
Nothings really happening atm but hopefully more things will happen
going for another job interveiw on saturday so hopefully i can get moree of the dosh and save up for a fursuit but thats really it for update and that mainly because my life is just so boring
college is going well
family still think im a freak
got a new tail and con-badge
cant get enough of Gangnam style
computer broke right after i bought a month of Word of Warcraft
so thats about it
thanks for reading
Tod

Its just so majestical and buetiful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGTWaUV6Z10

Tod was born in Adis Ababa where life was tough from the start, food was scarce and crime was high (a crime happens every night in Adis Ababa). Tod had 3 sisters and 2 brothers who where both stronger than him and often pulled pranks on him just to ensure their dominance. His sisters just ignored him like he was a piece of dirt and hardly ever talked to him, his mother was the understanding type and always looked out him if his sibling ever picked on him. His father was the one who worked in the factorys, making items of clothing for the shops of better country's making very little money to support the family, his mother would try so hard to make a better life for them but that would end in his sixth year in Adis Ababa.

Tod was out looking for scraps of food to feed the family because his father had not returned the night before from work and his mother was worried. Tod was returning to his home when he heard gunfire in the distance, it got closer and closer until a pickup truck came into view carrying 7 armed gunmen shooting into the air like they had just won something, but they had smiles on their faces and a body bags in the back, Tod couldn't see what was in them only that they were moving. He returned home to find blood up the walls, blood on the floor and his family...gone.

10 years have passed since that night and Tod is now living in England neglected by the English society because of his one red eye, they think he is in leage with the devil. Tod has also made friends who treat him like one of their own and he loves them for what they have done for him, the only thing that is naging at the back of his mind is what ever happened to his father.

A year later and Tod is feeling a lot happier about his home now because he has found Freinds who look out for him and he looks out for them

Thanks for reading
Take care
Tod Gingerwolf

Well where should i start
I was chopping wood for the living room fire and came to these small bits that where too big for kindling and proceded to chop those into smaller bits for kindling and had my thumb too close to the area where i was chopping and now their is a big split in my thumb but luckaly i diddnt need stiches but i will have a scar. just to say i learned my lesson and now i don't like axes.

I have decided to change my name because everyone was getting confused with TC and calling me top cat so to prevent that confusion I have change my fursona to TOD Gingerwolf