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Commissions Closed
General | Posted 6 years agoAll right. Well damn. That was fast. X__X
So. All commission slots are filled. Like I said in the previous journal, I will not be doing anymore until my current queue is completely empty. This way I don't get overswamped, and on top of that, the people who paid first get their stories finished first.
When commissions reopen, I'll make another journal and clear my queue.
So. All commission slots are filled. Like I said in the previous journal, I will not be doing anymore until my current queue is completely empty. This way I don't get overswamped, and on top of that, the people who paid first get their stories finished first.
When commissions reopen, I'll make another journal and clear my queue.
2019: New Commissions
General | Posted 6 years agoOkay, finally decided to open commissions. After saying I was going to five months ago! :D Lemme go ahead and get through the rules and shiz first.
WHAT I OFFER:
Stories. Written works. Literature. Words defecated into Microsoft Word. Whatever term you fancy. Basically I do story commissions.
I DO NOT MAKE DRAWINGS/PICTURES.
WHAT KIND OF STORIES I OFFER:
Essentially it ranges between three different lengths of stories, something I’ve been doing since I’ve opened up commissions some years ago now. I’ll give a basic sketch of each story length below. I’ll also list a handful of examples, many of which are adult-rated and/or contain fetish material, so fair warning there.
Short Length:
Roughly 2500-5000 words.
One to two main characters. At max, maybe three.
Fetish content (if any) ranges between one and three. Four at max.
Examples:
Gunnar’s Gourmet Gnorc
WC?
Underrated
Confession
Too Much Narcissism
From All Three Holes
Medium Length:
Roughly 5001-8000 words.
Two to four main characters. At max, maybe five.
Fetish content (if any) ranges between two or five. Six or seven at max.
Examples:
Bully Bully
Brawns vs. Bloats
Sprayers Beware
Trespasser
The Way to a Dragon’s Heart…
Submitting to the Beast
Long Length:
Over 8000 words.
Characters can range between one and ten. It varies.
Fetish content (if any) ranges between two and ten. It varies.
Examples:
Fred and the Frat Rat
Immune
Southern Secrets
Stinky Creed
The Compound
An Odorous Revenge
Down Mud Bog without a Sneaker
PRICES:
Short stories are $40.
Medium stories are $50.
Long stories are $80+.
DOS & DON’TS:
I’ll just make a list of what I don’t do.
UNDERTALE. MOST DISNEY-RELATED CHARACTERS. MY LITTLE PONY. EXPLICIT UNDERAGE CONTENT.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there you go. I’ll write about mostly anything else.
…Mostly.
That being said, this doesn’t mean I’ll automatically accept your commission idea. Also, yes, for those wondering, I have no problem writing clean, non-fetish content. Or just writing regular, non-fetish pornographic stories.
REFUNDS:
If any problem arises, I have no problem offering refunds. If the story you’re refunding is already half finished, or almost finished, I’m only gonna refund half the money.
Also, setting a new rule for myself. If your story isn't finished (or nearly finished) a month after payment, you get a full refund. This way I'll at least be able to prevent myself from procrastinating or getting off track. Depending on the story, it may take longer than a mere month though.
ANONYMOUS COMMISSIONS:
If you don’t want your name listed as a commissioner, I’ll just label you as ANONYMOUS when/if I post it. If you don’t want your story posted online at all, I am also okay with that. I’ll merely send the story to your e-mail account, so no one will know about said story except for the two of us.
SLOTS:
I offer three commissions at a time. However…as it turns out, three people I know on Telegram have already paid for their commissions that I told them about—some friends and/or people I know about who discussed with me commissions beforehand. So, for now, I will offer an additional three slots. I will make this clear though.
I WILL WORK ON THE FIRST THREE COMMISSIONS THAT WERE PAID FOR FIRST.
If anyone wants a commission from this point onwards, they will have to wait until some of the previously paid for commissions are finished.
I will also list the names of the commissioners on my userpage, so commissioners can see which commissions I’m working on at the time.
Whenever commissions are open, I will offer three slots (six in this case). The second all those slots are full? Commissions close.
THEY WILL NOT OPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE CURRENT STORIES IN THE SLOTS ARE ALL FINISHED.
PAYMENT:
I use PayPal. I’ll give you my PayPal address after we’ve worked out a deal. As soon as the money is sent, I’ll start working on a story.
If any financial issues come along, I’m willing to work on half of the story for half payment.
OTHER INFO:
As of right now, I currently have a job in real life. Which usually takes up between 25 and 40 hours per week. So I won’t be working on commissions every single day.
And I’m also currently working on a series of web novels over on Fictionpress. Said alternate account is right here. If you would like to see some of my longer, non-fetish, more plot and character-driven content, click the link I provided. Just keep in mind that the stories on that site are far darker and/or gorier and nowhere near as explicit as the stuff I post here.
Yes, I’m going to post non-commission work on this website. …Eventually. I just gotta find time to work on that shiz. I’ve mostly been preoccupied with my web novels and stuff going on in real life.
Yes, prices have gone up once again. Turns out I had to get a new car! Whoo. Also means I got a new monthly bill, which is a bit pricy. Between this, and the fact that I’ll essentially be using less of my free time to work on my personal stories/relaxing and instead devote said free time to working on commissions, I feel like it’s warranted. Should anyone have issues with the pricing, lemme know. Maybe we can work out a deal.
I may finish a batch of commissions in one week. I may finish a batch in one month. All I ask is for your patience. If any problems come along, you can always contact me on Telegram or Discord or PM me here on FA.
*exhales*
All right…think that covers just about everything.
Feel free to leave any comments, questions, etc. down below if need be.
WHAT I OFFER:
Stories. Written works. Literature. Words defecated into Microsoft Word. Whatever term you fancy. Basically I do story commissions.
I DO NOT MAKE DRAWINGS/PICTURES.
WHAT KIND OF STORIES I OFFER:
Essentially it ranges between three different lengths of stories, something I’ve been doing since I’ve opened up commissions some years ago now. I’ll give a basic sketch of each story length below. I’ll also list a handful of examples, many of which are adult-rated and/or contain fetish material, so fair warning there.
Short Length:
Roughly 2500-5000 words.
One to two main characters. At max, maybe three.
Fetish content (if any) ranges between one and three. Four at max.
Examples:
Gunnar’s Gourmet Gnorc
WC?
Underrated
Confession
Too Much Narcissism
From All Three Holes
Medium Length:
Roughly 5001-8000 words.
Two to four main characters. At max, maybe five.
Fetish content (if any) ranges between two or five. Six or seven at max.
Examples:
Bully Bully
Brawns vs. Bloats
Sprayers Beware
Trespasser
The Way to a Dragon’s Heart…
Submitting to the Beast
Long Length:
Over 8000 words.
Characters can range between one and ten. It varies.
Fetish content (if any) ranges between two and ten. It varies.
Examples:
Fred and the Frat Rat
Immune
Southern Secrets
Stinky Creed
The Compound
An Odorous Revenge
Down Mud Bog without a Sneaker
PRICES:
Short stories are $40.
Medium stories are $50.
Long stories are $80+.
DOS & DON’TS:
I’ll just make a list of what I don’t do.
UNDERTALE. MOST DISNEY-RELATED CHARACTERS. MY LITTLE PONY. EXPLICIT UNDERAGE CONTENT.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there you go. I’ll write about mostly anything else.
…Mostly.
That being said, this doesn’t mean I’ll automatically accept your commission idea. Also, yes, for those wondering, I have no problem writing clean, non-fetish content. Or just writing regular, non-fetish pornographic stories.
REFUNDS:
If any problem arises, I have no problem offering refunds. If the story you’re refunding is already half finished, or almost finished, I’m only gonna refund half the money.
Also, setting a new rule for myself. If your story isn't finished (or nearly finished) a month after payment, you get a full refund. This way I'll at least be able to prevent myself from procrastinating or getting off track. Depending on the story, it may take longer than a mere month though.
ANONYMOUS COMMISSIONS:
If you don’t want your name listed as a commissioner, I’ll just label you as ANONYMOUS when/if I post it. If you don’t want your story posted online at all, I am also okay with that. I’ll merely send the story to your e-mail account, so no one will know about said story except for the two of us.
SLOTS:
I offer three commissions at a time. However…as it turns out, three people I know on Telegram have already paid for their commissions that I told them about—some friends and/or people I know about who discussed with me commissions beforehand. So, for now, I will offer an additional three slots. I will make this clear though.
I WILL WORK ON THE FIRST THREE COMMISSIONS THAT WERE PAID FOR FIRST.
If anyone wants a commission from this point onwards, they will have to wait until some of the previously paid for commissions are finished.
I will also list the names of the commissioners on my userpage, so commissioners can see which commissions I’m working on at the time.
Whenever commissions are open, I will offer three slots (six in this case). The second all those slots are full? Commissions close.
THEY WILL NOT OPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE CURRENT STORIES IN THE SLOTS ARE ALL FINISHED.
PAYMENT:
I use PayPal. I’ll give you my PayPal address after we’ve worked out a deal. As soon as the money is sent, I’ll start working on a story.
If any financial issues come along, I’m willing to work on half of the story for half payment.
OTHER INFO:
As of right now, I currently have a job in real life. Which usually takes up between 25 and 40 hours per week. So I won’t be working on commissions every single day.
And I’m also currently working on a series of web novels over on Fictionpress. Said alternate account is right here. If you would like to see some of my longer, non-fetish, more plot and character-driven content, click the link I provided. Just keep in mind that the stories on that site are far darker and/or gorier and nowhere near as explicit as the stuff I post here.
Yes, I’m going to post non-commission work on this website. …Eventually. I just gotta find time to work on that shiz. I’ve mostly been preoccupied with my web novels and stuff going on in real life.
Yes, prices have gone up once again. Turns out I had to get a new car! Whoo. Also means I got a new monthly bill, which is a bit pricy. Between this, and the fact that I’ll essentially be using less of my free time to work on my personal stories/relaxing and instead devote said free time to working on commissions, I feel like it’s warranted. Should anyone have issues with the pricing, lemme know. Maybe we can work out a deal.
I may finish a batch of commissions in one week. I may finish a batch in one month. All I ask is for your patience. If any problems come along, you can always contact me on Telegram or Discord or PM me here on FA.
*exhales*
All right…think that covers just about everything.
Feel free to leave any comments, questions, etc. down below if need be.
Avengers: Endgame Review
General | Posted 6 years agoFinally…closure…
RATING: 8/10
SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR.
AVENGERS! IT’S THE BEST MOVIE EVAH! AVENGERS! WRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Okay, I’m done with my review. XD
No, but seriously, it was quite enjoyable. It did not go the way I was expecting, and I liked that! But what everyone predicted was going to happen after the finger snap in Infinity War happened. Everyone knows they’re making another Doctor Strange, Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Guardians of the Galaxy. So we all know at least some of them are coming back. I won’t spoil what happens, but if what you think is going to happen happens, then it happens. I won’t say how, or why, or if everyone comes back.
But SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.
It’s difficult to talk about this movie without spoiling anything. So I’ll try to keep it brief. I loved the entire first act. I won’t say what happens, but the first act dealt with very relatable, realistic, existential themes they do not always get into in superhero movies like these. Someone dies very early on, and I was genuinely surprised that this character died so quickly, and then that was it. And then the movie kept going…and going…and it got more captivating. Again, I won’t get into specifically what happens, but I kind of wish that everything that happened in Infinity War had been permanent. I thought it would’ve been very ballsy and realistic if they just kept what happened in Infinity War entirely permanent.
“But JT! That would mean that Peter Parker and T’Challa and Stephen Strange and all the Guardians of the Galaxy would be dead! D:”
I know.
“BUT JT! THAT WOULD MEAN THEY WASTED TEN YEARS OF BUILDUP DEVELOPING CHARACTERS FOR NOTHING!”
I know.
“FUCK YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN ASS! >:(”
Kay. See, I get all that, but here’s why I would’ve been okay with Infinity War staying permanent.
Because that’s life.
Sometimes you have a child. And that child grows up to be ten years old. And then said child dies. Sometimes you fall in love with someone. And it lasts for several years. And then you guys break up. And that’s just how shit happens. And you can’t change that. You can either move forward, or you can stay hung up on it and let it destroy you. I seriously thought this movie was gonna go in that direction—and if it had, I would’ve deeply respected this entire franchise. Because this is a lesson that kids—and people in general—need to learn. Sometimes you invest all this time and energy into something, and then something as simple as a giant galactic conqueror snapping their fingers can take it all away.
And you can’t do shit about it.
But then the second and third acts happened and said “Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, we need more money. So we gotta undo the finger snap so we can make more movies. Because money.”
All that being said, despite this movie steering away from what it started off as (kind of), when you see all the heroes coming together and still fighting to try and save their friends who are already dead, it made the payoff so goddamn satisfying. So, so, so fucking satisfying. People were clapping and cheering in my theater and I did not care. It was fully warranted. When the big showdown happens at the end of the film, a big-ass grin came on my face and I was all like:
“…Oh my God. It’s happening. IT’S HAPPENING. :D”
And then I was all like:
“MAH NIGGAH! MAH NIGGAH CAME BACK! :D”
And then I was all like:
“MAH SPACE NIGGAHS CAME BACK! :D”
And then I was all like:
“ALLLLLLLLL MAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH NIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! :D”
AND THEN I WAS ALL LIKE!
“Oh hi Carol Danvers. Fuck off. >__>”
God it was wonderful.
Also for anyone curious, yes…some characters do die and they stay dead. They do not come back. They will not come back. This is probably the first movie, short of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, where I had to struggle not to break down sobbing hysterically. Especially when that one character died, and they teased your ass during that entire fucking sequence. Y’all know which one I’m talking about. That shit upset me more than what happened at the end. So, no, this movie did not hit the reset button and completely undo everything from Infinity War. Some characters in the MCU are gone. They will not come back. So good for you, Marvel, for actually killing people and having them stay dead.
Really, I have less to say about this movie than I did with Infinity War, if only because damn near anything I say is somewhat of a spoiler. That fact that I hinted that some of the heroes, like Peter Parker, come back to life, technically is a spoiler. But they’re making a new Spider-Man movie in a couple months and already dropped a trailer, so you should know just by how the MCU is formatted that he has to come back to life. Which he does.
Soooooooo…same as last year. There’s really no need to say whether I should recommend this movie or not. You already know if you’re gonna see it. If you’re a colossal fan of the MCU, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love superhero movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love fun, action-packed movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you don’t give a rat’s ass about superhero movies or about the MCU franchise, you haven’t seen this movie, and you’re probably not going to unless a friend or family relative drags you to go see it.
I think the biggest accomplishment for this movie is that it finally gave me the level of closure that I wish The Walking Dead TV series did. And they didn’t fuck it up. The Walking Dead killed off Carl, “killed off” Rick, basically got rid of every character we know and love—some of whom died under stupid, shitty circumstances—and the show expects us to keep watching it. This movie…this movie gave me closure, and that’s something I also don’t see very often with superhero franchises. They keep going and going and going and never stop. And they keep expecting you to watch more. But with this movie?
Guys, I’ve seen all twenty-two of these films now. All of them. Yes, including Captain Marvel; I know I didn’t fully review it. It was as bland as Thor, but the protagonist was female instead of male. There, review done. Anyway, my point being is that, I’ve had my fill of the MCU. For now anyway. I’m still gonna see Guardians of the Galaxy 3, especially since they rehired my boy James Gunn. I might go see Doctor Strange 2 and Black Panther 2. Everything else though involving the other superheroes?
Was wrapped up and nicely concluded in this movie. And I’m okay with that.
So yeah, those are my non-spoiler thoughts on the film. Had some flaws and some characters made choices I don’t agree with, but overall, thoroughly satisfied with how this all wrapped up. And yush, I know they’re gonna make more movies. Because money. And hey, that’s fine. I’m okay with that. If more people wanna keep watching these movies, there’s nothing wrong with that.
But for me personally…I think this is where my journey with the MCU ends.
…Until Guardians of the Galaxy 3. I need more CGI raccoon ass. XD
I do still have some GOTG comics actually I haven’t read. Should get on that.
RATING: 8/10
SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR.
AVENGERS! IT’S THE BEST MOVIE EVAH! AVENGERS! WRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Okay, I’m done with my review. XD
No, but seriously, it was quite enjoyable. It did not go the way I was expecting, and I liked that! But what everyone predicted was going to happen after the finger snap in Infinity War happened. Everyone knows they’re making another Doctor Strange, Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Guardians of the Galaxy. So we all know at least some of them are coming back. I won’t spoil what happens, but if what you think is going to happen happens, then it happens. I won’t say how, or why, or if everyone comes back.
But SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.
It’s difficult to talk about this movie without spoiling anything. So I’ll try to keep it brief. I loved the entire first act. I won’t say what happens, but the first act dealt with very relatable, realistic, existential themes they do not always get into in superhero movies like these. Someone dies very early on, and I was genuinely surprised that this character died so quickly, and then that was it. And then the movie kept going…and going…and it got more captivating. Again, I won’t get into specifically what happens, but I kind of wish that everything that happened in Infinity War had been permanent. I thought it would’ve been very ballsy and realistic if they just kept what happened in Infinity War entirely permanent.
“But JT! That would mean that Peter Parker and T’Challa and Stephen Strange and all the Guardians of the Galaxy would be dead! D:”
I know.
“BUT JT! THAT WOULD MEAN THEY WASTED TEN YEARS OF BUILDUP DEVELOPING CHARACTERS FOR NOTHING!”
I know.
“FUCK YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN ASS! >:(”
Kay. See, I get all that, but here’s why I would’ve been okay with Infinity War staying permanent.
Because that’s life.
Sometimes you have a child. And that child grows up to be ten years old. And then said child dies. Sometimes you fall in love with someone. And it lasts for several years. And then you guys break up. And that’s just how shit happens. And you can’t change that. You can either move forward, or you can stay hung up on it and let it destroy you. I seriously thought this movie was gonna go in that direction—and if it had, I would’ve deeply respected this entire franchise. Because this is a lesson that kids—and people in general—need to learn. Sometimes you invest all this time and energy into something, and then something as simple as a giant galactic conqueror snapping their fingers can take it all away.
And you can’t do shit about it.
But then the second and third acts happened and said “Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, we need more money. So we gotta undo the finger snap so we can make more movies. Because money.”
All that being said, despite this movie steering away from what it started off as (kind of), when you see all the heroes coming together and still fighting to try and save their friends who are already dead, it made the payoff so goddamn satisfying. So, so, so fucking satisfying. People were clapping and cheering in my theater and I did not care. It was fully warranted. When the big showdown happens at the end of the film, a big-ass grin came on my face and I was all like:
“…Oh my God. It’s happening. IT’S HAPPENING. :D”
And then I was all like:
“MAH NIGGAH! MAH NIGGAH CAME BACK! :D”
And then I was all like:
“MAH SPACE NIGGAHS CAME BACK! :D”
And then I was all like:
“ALLLLLLLLL MAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH NIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! :D”
AND THEN I WAS ALL LIKE!
“Oh hi Carol Danvers. Fuck off. >__>”
God it was wonderful.
Also for anyone curious, yes…some characters do die and they stay dead. They do not come back. They will not come back. This is probably the first movie, short of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, where I had to struggle not to break down sobbing hysterically. Especially when that one character died, and they teased your ass during that entire fucking sequence. Y’all know which one I’m talking about. That shit upset me more than what happened at the end. So, no, this movie did not hit the reset button and completely undo everything from Infinity War. Some characters in the MCU are gone. They will not come back. So good for you, Marvel, for actually killing people and having them stay dead.
Really, I have less to say about this movie than I did with Infinity War, if only because damn near anything I say is somewhat of a spoiler. That fact that I hinted that some of the heroes, like Peter Parker, come back to life, technically is a spoiler. But they’re making a new Spider-Man movie in a couple months and already dropped a trailer, so you should know just by how the MCU is formatted that he has to come back to life. Which he does.
Soooooooo…same as last year. There’s really no need to say whether I should recommend this movie or not. You already know if you’re gonna see it. If you’re a colossal fan of the MCU, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love superhero movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love fun, action-packed movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you don’t give a rat’s ass about superhero movies or about the MCU franchise, you haven’t seen this movie, and you’re probably not going to unless a friend or family relative drags you to go see it.
I think the biggest accomplishment for this movie is that it finally gave me the level of closure that I wish The Walking Dead TV series did. And they didn’t fuck it up. The Walking Dead killed off Carl, “killed off” Rick, basically got rid of every character we know and love—some of whom died under stupid, shitty circumstances—and the show expects us to keep watching it. This movie…this movie gave me closure, and that’s something I also don’t see very often with superhero franchises. They keep going and going and going and never stop. And they keep expecting you to watch more. But with this movie?
Guys, I’ve seen all twenty-two of these films now. All of them. Yes, including Captain Marvel; I know I didn’t fully review it. It was as bland as Thor, but the protagonist was female instead of male. There, review done. Anyway, my point being is that, I’ve had my fill of the MCU. For now anyway. I’m still gonna see Guardians of the Galaxy 3, especially since they rehired my boy James Gunn. I might go see Doctor Strange 2 and Black Panther 2. Everything else though involving the other superheroes?
Was wrapped up and nicely concluded in this movie. And I’m okay with that.
So yeah, those are my non-spoiler thoughts on the film. Had some flaws and some characters made choices I don’t agree with, but overall, thoroughly satisfied with how this all wrapped up. And yush, I know they’re gonna make more movies. Because money. And hey, that’s fine. I’m okay with that. If more people wanna keep watching these movies, there’s nothing wrong with that.
But for me personally…I think this is where my journey with the MCU ends.
…Until Guardians of the Galaxy 3. I need more CGI raccoon ass. XD
I do still have some GOTG comics actually I haven’t read. Should get on that.
One Sentence Review: Ant-Man and the Wasp
General | Posted 6 years agoThe most generic and boring movie in the MCU that I gave zero fucks about got a sequel that did the exact same thing.
RATING: DON'T CARE/10.
There. I saw the movie.
Hooray.
Gonna see Avengers: Endgame today and I'll do a full review of that later.
RATING: DON'T CARE/10.
There. I saw the movie.
Hooray.
Gonna see Avengers: Endgame today and I'll do a full review of that later.
Update and Announcements for Next Year
General | Posted 7 years agoTL;DR: For those of you who wanna know why I’ve been silent these past several months, the answer is simple: I’ve been writing stories on a Fictionpress account.
I’m opening commissions again sometime in January or February next year.
I’ve been busy doing shiz and things over on TV Tropes. Namely in the Complete Monster forum.
I’ve been busy clearing through my giant backlog of Kindle novels, of which there are a lot of.
I have a PS4 now. And PS Now. So lots of games and shiz to finish playing.
I plan on looking for a new job next year.
Right. So I haven’t been on FA all that much in the past months except to check my messages and fave shiz and things. And that’s about it. Haven’t been making many stories. Haven’t been watching anyone new except for a couple people. Haven’t been leaving many messages. Haven’t done much of anything. And I’ve mentioned a few times that I am on a different website other than FA.
Welp. That website is Fictionpress. And my account is right here: https://www.fictionpress.com/u/1051985/Tyk
Soooooooooo yeah…you can read those stories there if you’d like. Or not. It’s up to you. None of them are porn/fetish stories like the ones I post here. A majority of them don’t even have lots of explicit porn content in them; I think you get banned for writing full-on porn on Fictionpress, so I can’t do that. I’ve actually been debating on posting some of the stories over here on my alternate account,
JTylok, but I’m still thinking on it.
The stories I have over there still have the same kind of dark and disgusting humor that the stories I post here have. But they also have a lot of controversial…or I guess “triggering” themes in them. Like children getting murdered. Main characters dying. Mass shootings. Rape that’s taken seriously and is portrayed realistically, and horrifyingly. Terrorist attacks. Body horror. Main characters dying. Villains who win and get away with everything. Main characters dying. And characters shitting themselves.
Lots and lots of characters shitting themselves.
But don’t worry. Mixed in with all these bloody, gory, and disturbing or disgusting themes, you shall find anthropomorphic creatures. Non-human characters. Three-dimensional characters. Openly gay characters. Thickness. Characters who care little about hygiene. Thickness. World building. Occasional brief sex scenes. Thickness. Original content that doesn’t deal with fanfiction or Rule 34. Thickness. Toilet humor. Thickness.
And more thickness.
So if all these things sound appealing to you, feel free to read my stories over there.
Isn’t this just the best advertising ever?
So I’m finally starting commissions again next year. Whoo and shiz and bliz.
I AM ONLY DOING THREE AT A TIME WHENEVER THEY OPEN THOUGH.
When commissions open, I will list the three commissioners and their status right there on my main page, so everyone can see them. As soon as they are all done, and when I’m ready, I will re-open commissions. This way, I won’t be overworked. And no one will have to think that I’m robbing them—which yes, has happened before. And this way I won’t be slacking off when I shouldn’t be. Juggling three commissions at once is better than juggling thirteen, and it’ll help me keep track of which commissions to work on first.
So yeah, I’ve been spending loads of time over at the Complete Monster forum over on TV Tropes. I won’t reveal my username though, name because it should be fairly obvious which one is mine.
And yeah…been doing shiz there…and stuff.
I’ve been busy trying to get through a large amount of the games and novels I have loaded up in my Kindle library and PS4 library. Got several book series I haven’t started on, a series of ongoing books that are gradually being released, the Kingdom Hearts series that
islethewolf has been going on about, The Wonderful 101 that 
pokemonmanic3595 coaxed me into buying, and then a couple weeks later he started whining that I need to buy a PS4 so I can play Persona 5 which he is still whining about for me to finish to this day, Outlast, Mutant Year Zero, and various games I can play for free on PS Now. Sometimes I have enough time to play these games for hours and hours. Other times I end up neglecting said games for several days.
Getting a new job next year. For real this time. I have to. I don’t know what it is, but my current job seems to have drained me, made me more exhausted than usual. I’m not entirely sure what it is; half the time whenever I come home, I end up passing out. I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s with my job. Maybe I’ve just been getting lazier than usual. I dunno. But I do wanna change things for next year; I feel like I’ve grown complacent with myself, and I need to move forward.
Why does any of this matter? Because I know people do want to talk to me…I know people wanna RP with me; I know people wanna ask me questions and all that. But as you can see with all the stuff I have listed up here…I’ve been preoccupied. And busy. And just…busy. A lotta times I just wish I did not have to sleep at all so I could get more stuff done.
But I wanna change all that. Or rather, just be more productive. I wanna do more with my life, but not to a point where I’m overworking myself. I wanna actually write novels and novellas and release them on Amazon instead of just thinking about them. And I realize now, considering how fast this year has gone by, that I don’t have time to do what I wanna do anymore.
So I gotta make time.
Which I plan on doing next year.
For now, I’m just sticking with creating a schedule and pacing myself properly.
…And binging stuff on Netflix. >__<
I’m opening commissions again sometime in January or February next year.
I’ve been busy doing shiz and things over on TV Tropes. Namely in the Complete Monster forum.
I’ve been busy clearing through my giant backlog of Kindle novels, of which there are a lot of.
I have a PS4 now. And PS Now. So lots of games and shiz to finish playing.
I plan on looking for a new job next year.
Right. So I haven’t been on FA all that much in the past months except to check my messages and fave shiz and things. And that’s about it. Haven’t been making many stories. Haven’t been watching anyone new except for a couple people. Haven’t been leaving many messages. Haven’t done much of anything. And I’ve mentioned a few times that I am on a different website other than FA.
Welp. That website is Fictionpress. And my account is right here: https://www.fictionpress.com/u/1051985/Tyk
Soooooooooo yeah…you can read those stories there if you’d like. Or not. It’s up to you. None of them are porn/fetish stories like the ones I post here. A majority of them don’t even have lots of explicit porn content in them; I think you get banned for writing full-on porn on Fictionpress, so I can’t do that. I’ve actually been debating on posting some of the stories over here on my alternate account,
JTylok, but I’m still thinking on it.The stories I have over there still have the same kind of dark and disgusting humor that the stories I post here have. But they also have a lot of controversial…or I guess “triggering” themes in them. Like children getting murdered. Main characters dying. Mass shootings. Rape that’s taken seriously and is portrayed realistically, and horrifyingly. Terrorist attacks. Body horror. Main characters dying. Villains who win and get away with everything. Main characters dying. And characters shitting themselves.
Lots and lots of characters shitting themselves.
But don’t worry. Mixed in with all these bloody, gory, and disturbing or disgusting themes, you shall find anthropomorphic creatures. Non-human characters. Three-dimensional characters. Openly gay characters. Thickness. Characters who care little about hygiene. Thickness. World building. Occasional brief sex scenes. Thickness. Original content that doesn’t deal with fanfiction or Rule 34. Thickness. Toilet humor. Thickness.
And more thickness.
So if all these things sound appealing to you, feel free to read my stories over there.
Isn’t this just the best advertising ever?
So I’m finally starting commissions again next year. Whoo and shiz and bliz.
I AM ONLY DOING THREE AT A TIME WHENEVER THEY OPEN THOUGH.
When commissions open, I will list the three commissioners and their status right there on my main page, so everyone can see them. As soon as they are all done, and when I’m ready, I will re-open commissions. This way, I won’t be overworked. And no one will have to think that I’m robbing them—which yes, has happened before. And this way I won’t be slacking off when I shouldn’t be. Juggling three commissions at once is better than juggling thirteen, and it’ll help me keep track of which commissions to work on first.
So yeah, I’ve been spending loads of time over at the Complete Monster forum over on TV Tropes. I won’t reveal my username though, name because it should be fairly obvious which one is mine.
And yeah…been doing shiz there…and stuff.
I’ve been busy trying to get through a large amount of the games and novels I have loaded up in my Kindle library and PS4 library. Got several book series I haven’t started on, a series of ongoing books that are gradually being released, the Kingdom Hearts series that
islethewolf has been going on about, The Wonderful 101 that 
pokemonmanic3595 coaxed me into buying, and then a couple weeks later he started whining that I need to buy a PS4 so I can play Persona 5 which he is still whining about for me to finish to this day, Outlast, Mutant Year Zero, and various games I can play for free on PS Now. Sometimes I have enough time to play these games for hours and hours. Other times I end up neglecting said games for several days.Getting a new job next year. For real this time. I have to. I don’t know what it is, but my current job seems to have drained me, made me more exhausted than usual. I’m not entirely sure what it is; half the time whenever I come home, I end up passing out. I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s with my job. Maybe I’ve just been getting lazier than usual. I dunno. But I do wanna change things for next year; I feel like I’ve grown complacent with myself, and I need to move forward.
Why does any of this matter? Because I know people do want to talk to me…I know people wanna RP with me; I know people wanna ask me questions and all that. But as you can see with all the stuff I have listed up here…I’ve been preoccupied. And busy. And just…busy. A lotta times I just wish I did not have to sleep at all so I could get more stuff done.
But I wanna change all that. Or rather, just be more productive. I wanna do more with my life, but not to a point where I’m overworking myself. I wanna actually write novels and novellas and release them on Amazon instead of just thinking about them. And I realize now, considering how fast this year has gone by, that I don’t have time to do what I wanna do anymore.
So I gotta make time.
Which I plan on doing next year.
For now, I’m just sticking with creating a schedule and pacing myself properly.
…And binging stuff on Netflix. >__<
2018 Movies
General | Posted 7 years agoSo I saw a shitload of movies this year. And I realize I haven’t talked about any of them! Let’s do that now in rapid-fire succession! :D Similar to my Marvel Movies list, I’m gonna list all the scores first. So if you don’t give a shit about reading, here’s the TL;DR version now.
The Commuter: 7/10
The Cloverfield Paradox: 3/10
Black Panther: 7/10
Mute: 5.5/10
Annihilation: 9/10
Pacific Rim Uprising: 1/10
Isle of Dogs: 8/10
Ready Player One: 6/10
A Quiet Place: 7/10
Avengers: Infinity War: 8.5/10
Deadpool 2: 9/10 (10/10? I’m still deciding)
Solo: A Star Wars Story: Didn’t See It/10 and/or Don’t Care/10
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: 10/10
Hereditary: 6/10 (was originally 2/10…I’m gonna talk about that).
Jurassic Turd: Farting Kingdom: FUCK YOU/10
Incredibles 2: 9/10 (10/10? I gotta rewatch this one).
Sorry to Bother You: 9/10
Unfriended: Dark Web: 6/10
Mission: Impossible - Fallout: 8/10
The Happytime Murders: 6/10 (4/10? I’m still debating).
Searching: 10/10 (9/10? …Eh, fuck it. 10/10).
The House With a Clock in Its Walls: 3/10
Bad Times at the El Royale: 9/10
Ralph Breaks The Internet: 7/10
Creed II: 10/10 (9/10? Eh…still flip-flopping)
1. The Commuter: Good. Serviceable. Likable. Also, unfortunately, disposable. That the movie’s biggest sin. There is literally nothing wrong with this film. It’s the perfect film to watch if you’re bored, and it’s something you’ll actually enjoy. But that’s about it. I had a fun time watching it, admittedly, and it stands out as being a January movie that didn’t suck ass.
2. The Cloverfield Paradox: I’m done with the Cloverfield franchise. You made a wonderful first entry; it had its flaws, but it was very, very good. You made a sequel that was tremendously wonderful and excellent. Then you fucked up the ending. Now, I just don’t care. This film talked about alternate realities where you may still be living a happy life, and if you’re willing to change parallel universes in order to fix or change something that happened in the past. This was a movie that could’ve been existential, could’ve been thought-provoking, could’ve been philosophical. Instead, they said “Eh, we’ll just make some dumbass movie where people die in space. Because plot. Also we’ll fuck up the ending again because we enjoyed doing it so much last time.”
3. Black Panther: I’ve already talked about this movie in my Marvel journal back in April. My feelings are still the same. Wonderful villain, great setup, great world building, great characters, but sadly a very, very predictable third act that I’ve seen dozens of times before that didn’t interest me at all.
4. Mute: Not terrible. Not great. Not…really good either. Kinda in the middle, which is the movie’s biggest sin. This movie didn’t know what it wanted to be. Dark comedy? Neo noir? Futuristic cyberpunk? Mystery and suspense? Who the fuck knows. Ironically, I cared more about the two villains who were doing shady shit on the black market than I did about the main character and his dilemma. If they made a movie about the two bozos getting involved in hilariously dark shenanigans in a futuristic world, I would’ve liked this movie much more.
5. Annihilation: This movie is Fembusters if Fembusters wasn’t a pile of controversial bullshit. A bunch of scientists go investigate some strange alien entities and shiz and things. They talk about evolution and what makes hostile enemies “hostile,” and the movie makes you think about whether or not aliens are really awful beings who wanna kill everyone, or just beings who are trying to evolve. Even if it means unfortunately damaging the human race. This movie was also made by the same guy who made Ex Machina, and it shows.
6. Pacific Rim Uprising: Awful. This franchise died before it could even start. This movie keeps trying to remind you that it’s not the first movie…but it’s the first movie. But worse. It’s the same bullshit. It’s an awful, awful soft reboot trying to pass itself off as a mediocre sequel. The cast is younger, they brought back old characters because reasons, they made one of the old characters evil, they killed one of the old character pathetically, and they had the fucking balls to set up a sequel—all things soft reboots seem to do nowadays. I will not be seeing the next movie. Or any other movie that isn’t the first one.
7. Isle of Dogs: I keep having to remind myself that I saw this damn movie that I thoroughly remember enjoying. >__< It’s about a boy and his dog…s. That was kinda the main problem with the film; when the second act kicked in, I was more invested with the chemistry between said boy and said dog. But there’s about five other “main” characters in the film I wasn’t all that concerned about. There’s really nothing wrong with this film except for that. Animation was beautiful, lore was incredible, voice acting was great, and the humor was even funny at times. Not as good as Fantastic Mr. Fox, but still worth seeing.
8. Ready Player One: Hey kids! Do you like references? Do you like references?! DO YOU LIKE REFERENCES?! DO! YOU! LIKE! REFERENCES!!!!! That’s the whole movie. …It’s fun though. Also I hate the fact that they literally put me and pokemonmanic3595 into this film. I’m Aech. He’s Parzival. Right down to the two of us being best friends, me being black IRL, me doing commissions for people, and me having never seen The Shining before.
9. A Quiet Place: Very, very good premise for a horror movie that’s well-executed. …Then the third act happens. This movie tried to go for the whole family drama subplot, but I didn’t care all that much. I appreciate the effort though. Some of the characters do stupid shit as well, like screaming just because the sound of a waterfall will cover up the noise. I also feel like the tension reached its peak halfway in, when something happens I won’t spoil. This movie started off good, then got great, then it felt like the last half hour was the creators throwing random stuff together to make this movie be ninety minutes long. And then they end on a badass “cliffhanger” that, realistically speaking, will probably end with everyone inevitably dying off-screen. But hey. They were saved by Cut to Black, Roll Credits.
10. Avengers: Infinity War: I’ve talked about this movie in full detail already, surprisingly. I’ve actually got the entire review for it right here.
11. Deadpool 2: So I actually like this more than the first one. I thought all the problems that Wade Wilson had to face, while done all the fucking time, felt new because it was something that happened to Wade Wilson of all people. Wade Wilson is always so wacky and comical, but then something tragic happened to him, and the whole movie is about him trying to deal with it and also forming this bond with a teenager with superpowers. Also Cable was in it. Also a bunch of superheroes died horribly, and it was fucking hysterical. Also Domino was in it. Also THICC-ASS JUGGERNAUT WITH A THICC-ASS BOOTY!
12. Solo: A Star Wars Story: So I need to bring this up for a reason. Since I was a child, I’ve seen every single Star Wars movie (from The Phantom Menace onwards; I was born after the eighties) in theaters. Yes, even The Last Jedi. This was the first one I outright avoided. Because I just don’t really care anymore. Star Wars just doesn’t seem fun or magical anymore. Star Wars just feels like a property used to rake in money. And nothing else. People use the recent movies to “prove” why this whole new series of films are awful, why it sucks ass, or why it’s the best thing ever, etc. And I’m stuck in the middle. Even when I’m not trying to bring up this “new direction” Star Wars is going in, I end up getting roped in. And I’m just…tired. I want nothing to do with this entire franchise anymore.
13. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: I knew very little about Mr. Rogers before going into this movie. Except he guest-starred in Arthur. Now that I have seen this documentary, I’m genuinely upset I never watched his TV series, and that I didn’t know anything about this kind, but assertive man until after he died. Surprisingly the first documentary I’ve ever seen in theaters—and probably the best documentary I’ll see in a very long time.
14. Hereditary: Soooooooooo…didn’t like this movie. But my reasons are purely subjective. I didn’t like that this movie incorporated supernatural elements when it didn’t need to. I thought it was going to be a horror movie where the “horror” came from very realistic, common elements that someone would go through if this situation happened. That being said, after seeing how fucking atrocious American Horror Story: Apocalypse was, I realized I was being overly critical over this movie just because it didn’t go the way I wanted. The acting was incredible; the story was incredible; the foreshadowing was well-done; the plot was fantastic; the movie was well-shot; there were hardly any jump scares; I could go on and on and on. The only genuine objective criticism I have about this film is that it peaked too early at the end of the first act in terms of being scary…and the ending was just…NO. NO.
15. Jurassic Shit: Fuck Your Kunt: Um…so…right. When I walked out of this theater, I wasn’t even angry. Like, not even ranty angry that I usually get. I just jumped straight to depression. I walked out of the theater teary-eyed. The only reason why I didn’t break down crying was because I saw Incredibles 2 immediately afterwards. This movie…is the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theaters. I am not exaggerating. This movie was not even fun bad, like Norm of the North. This movie was fueled by characters doing stupid shit, dinosaurs doing stupid shit, it was driven by stupidity—everything was just…stupid. And it made over a billion dollars. And it’s getting a sequel. At least Jurassic World was fun and self-aware; this movie was just dumb…and nothing else. I was gonna do a full review of this film, but why bother? What’s the point? It made its money back. It’s getting a sequel. Nothing I say will fuckin’ matter. When that one brachiosaurus was left on the island, seconds away from dying? I wasn’t watching a dinosaur die. I was watching this franchise die. Someone out there made something extraordinary…something that shouldn’t have been made. And then humanity fucked it and they fucked it and they fucked it some more. And then the world said “this franchise must die.” So I sat in my chair and watched as something that started out as wondrous as Jurassic Park has now died. And now humanity is doing nothing but turning it into a repulsive, cash-grabbing, factory-made franchise that is fueled by idiocy. And I can’t do a fucking thing to change that. But hey…least we still got the original. Least I was able to show Pokemonmanic why the original was so damn profound, and why it still holds up today, twenty years later.
16. Incredibles 2: OKAY! On to happier shit now! So this movie was actually about as good as the original! It felt like they were essentially doing the original again, but with Helen instead of Bob. But the third act did take a turn; it didn’t play out exactly the same way the first movie did. I liked the subplot of Bob raising his family without Helen around; I loved all the action sequences focusing heavily on Helen; Edna Mode was Edna Mode; this movie somehow stumped me with its “twist” villain…somehow. Also this movie inverted the trope of where the kids are put in danger and the parents gotta to rescue them!
17. Sorry to Bother You: This was basically Atlanta if Atlanta was a film. Nothing pessimistic, but ultimately realistic. It was another movie that played itself realistically in an unrealistic world. The protagonist starts doing shit that’s considered a “betrayal,” to his friends, but you get why he’s doing it. It’s one of those movies where you gotta ask if the money is more important than your friendship and the principle of your job. It’s a movie where you gotta ask if you’re willing to use your talent so you can sell said talent to the devil. All the acting was great, along with the overall premise—as wacky as it was—and the movie was surprisingly hilarious. And it also spawned the best rap ever. XD AND THEN THE THIRD ACT HAPPENED. HOLY SHIT, THAT THIRD ACT.
18. Unfriended: Dark Web: So the first movie’s biggest sin was that none of the characters were sympathetic. You wanted them all to die because you hate them all—and they all deserve it. This movie, thankfully, made everyone sympathetic. You actually don’t wanna see them die and you’re rooting for them to survive. But this is a standard horror movie. In 2018. So you know what’s gonna happen. And when people start dying, you stop caring. Because you know everyone’s gonna die at the end; you just don’t know how. And guess what? Everyone dies at the end. The way the killer(s) killed everyone in the movie was seriously fucked up though.
19. Mission: Impossible - Fallout: Six movies in, and still going strong. Does this movie do anything new? Anything different? Anything groundbreaking? Anything emotionally impactful? Nah. Same shit, different day. This is one of the few franchises that hasn’t really changed its formula at all, and it still works. This movie is a perfect reminder of why movies exist. Movies don’t always have to test your intelligence, make you cry, make you rethink your life, make you mad, make you hate the world. Movies sometimes can just entertain you for a couple hours, have you admire how much effort and time went into making said film, and you walk out the theater with a pleasant smile on your face. That’s all this movie does. That’s all this movie needed to do. That being said, even though this franchise’s formula isn’t stale, it’s noticeable. It’s probably going to become stale if it creeps up towards the ninth or tenth installment.
20. The Happytime Murders: I can’t decide what to rate this one yet. All I can say is I had fun with this movie. I wanted to see a raunchy-ass comedy involving swearing puppets and silly string jizz. And goddamn it, that is what I got. XD I also like Melissa McCarthy in this movie; she didn’t seem to play the typecast character she’s known for playing nowadays. And I enjoyed the world building of how humanity learned to live alongside puppets and how there’s puppet/human prejudice and all that junk, and how you can get high snorting “candy.” That being said, this movie is very cliché. And kind of forgettable. And some of the jokes were eye-rolling or went on for too damn long. Yes, Fucking Big Idiot is a funny way of explaining FBI. Yes…yes. That is so funny. Yes.
21. Searching: Teenage girl goes missing! Father lost his wife! Father searching for his missing daughter! AW MAH GAWD! …Yup. That’s the whole movie. This movie doesn’t do anything “new” in terms of its concept. But the way said concept is executed is refreshing, and not something I was expecting. I won’t spoil what happens or even how it happens. But do not ignore this movie because the premise seems “unoriginal.” The way this movie’s plot plays out is anything but unoriginal.
22. The House With a Clock in Its Walls: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! THIS WAS THE FIRST MOVIE I SAW WITH POKEMONMANIC IN PERSON! AND I DID NOT LIKE IT! This movie didn’t know what tone it wanted to be. Sometimes it felt like a comical kids movie. Other times it was being disturbingly dark and suited for teenagers. It never found the right tone, which severely damaged it. The jokes were hit or miss as well; sometimes I’d be laughing my ass off; other times I was asking myself why the fuck a sentient couch was taking a selfie in the 1950s. When selfies didn’t exist. At least the acting was decent. And both Pokemonmanic and I agree that Cate Blanchett’s character was the best part of the film. And we got to see a lion topiary shit “mud” into a pool and fart out a butterfly. In full view.
23. Bad Times at the El Royale: Excellent. The pacing was a bit off, and the ending seemed abrupt, but otherwise, excellent movie. All the acting was fantastic; the music sung by Cynthia Erivo was great; the chemistry between the characters was well done, and every character was properly fleshed out. Also I loved Chris Hemsworth playing a Charles Manson-like villain. Very charismatic, but not over-the-top and constantly chewing the scenery; he didn’t feel like he was trying too hard. It’s nice seeing a movie that someone wrote and directed and it didn’t feel like there was studio or executive bullshit meddling with the director/writer’s project. And no, I won’t explain what the plot is. There’s a hotel. There’s some people in it. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then people start dying.
24. Ralph Breaks The Internet: It’s Wreck-It Ralph! Do you remember Wreck-It Ralph? Well now he’s on the Internet! LOOKIT RALPH DO DA FLOSS! LOOKIT RALPH PUT HIS FACE ON A GOAT! LOOKIT! LOOKIT! LOOKIT RALPH DOIN’ SHIT ON THE INTERNET! LOOKIT US, WE’RE MUTHAFUCKIN’ DISNEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! …Oh yeah, also there’s his very touching relationship with Vanellope. BUT AW MAH GAWD! RALPH IS UNBOXING SHIT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
25. Creed II: I’m gonna go on record of saying I have not seen a single Rocky movie. But I know Creed is essentially a soft reboot. Here’s the thing: Creed is a soft reboot done properly. In fact, Creed is self-aware of what it is, and is trying not to depend on its original source—just like how Adonis changed his last name so people wouldn’t look at him as the son of Apollo Creed. Creed II is a proper sequel to said soft reboot. Does it do some cliché shit? Yes. But again, haven’t seen any Rocky movies so I don’t care. I love that this film made you sympathize with the antagonist(s) and showed you why they’re doing what they’re doing. Their goals are just as understandable as the protagonist’s; lotta times, sports movies demonize the opposing team because…plot. This movie didn’t do that. It follows a predictable pattern, sure, but it does it very well. And that’s really all I care about. I actually got teary-eyed towards the end where Rocky fist-bumped Adonis and he told him softly “It’s your time.” Let’s face it: Michael B. Jordan is blowing up right now. And Sylvester Stallone is kind of done now with acting…except for Escape Plan. Stallone still has the Escape Plan franchise.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it. Those are all the “new” movies I’ve seen this year! Hooray. Don’t think I’m gonna do a full review on any of these that I haven’t done already. Am I gonna see anything else this year? Highly doubtful. Probably not. There’s nothing else I’m really all that interested in seeing until next year.
But hey. The start of next year, we’re getting Glass.
The Commuter: 7/10
The Cloverfield Paradox: 3/10
Black Panther: 7/10
Mute: 5.5/10
Annihilation: 9/10
Pacific Rim Uprising: 1/10
Isle of Dogs: 8/10
Ready Player One: 6/10
A Quiet Place: 7/10
Avengers: Infinity War: 8.5/10
Deadpool 2: 9/10 (10/10? I’m still deciding)
Solo: A Star Wars Story: Didn’t See It/10 and/or Don’t Care/10
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: 10/10
Hereditary: 6/10 (was originally 2/10…I’m gonna talk about that).
Jurassic Turd: Farting Kingdom: FUCK YOU/10
Incredibles 2: 9/10 (10/10? I gotta rewatch this one).
Sorry to Bother You: 9/10
Unfriended: Dark Web: 6/10
Mission: Impossible - Fallout: 8/10
The Happytime Murders: 6/10 (4/10? I’m still debating).
Searching: 10/10 (9/10? …Eh, fuck it. 10/10).
The House With a Clock in Its Walls: 3/10
Bad Times at the El Royale: 9/10
Ralph Breaks The Internet: 7/10
Creed II: 10/10 (9/10? Eh…still flip-flopping)
1. The Commuter: Good. Serviceable. Likable. Also, unfortunately, disposable. That the movie’s biggest sin. There is literally nothing wrong with this film. It’s the perfect film to watch if you’re bored, and it’s something you’ll actually enjoy. But that’s about it. I had a fun time watching it, admittedly, and it stands out as being a January movie that didn’t suck ass.
2. The Cloverfield Paradox: I’m done with the Cloverfield franchise. You made a wonderful first entry; it had its flaws, but it was very, very good. You made a sequel that was tremendously wonderful and excellent. Then you fucked up the ending. Now, I just don’t care. This film talked about alternate realities where you may still be living a happy life, and if you’re willing to change parallel universes in order to fix or change something that happened in the past. This was a movie that could’ve been existential, could’ve been thought-provoking, could’ve been philosophical. Instead, they said “Eh, we’ll just make some dumbass movie where people die in space. Because plot. Also we’ll fuck up the ending again because we enjoyed doing it so much last time.”
3. Black Panther: I’ve already talked about this movie in my Marvel journal back in April. My feelings are still the same. Wonderful villain, great setup, great world building, great characters, but sadly a very, very predictable third act that I’ve seen dozens of times before that didn’t interest me at all.
4. Mute: Not terrible. Not great. Not…really good either. Kinda in the middle, which is the movie’s biggest sin. This movie didn’t know what it wanted to be. Dark comedy? Neo noir? Futuristic cyberpunk? Mystery and suspense? Who the fuck knows. Ironically, I cared more about the two villains who were doing shady shit on the black market than I did about the main character and his dilemma. If they made a movie about the two bozos getting involved in hilariously dark shenanigans in a futuristic world, I would’ve liked this movie much more.
5. Annihilation: This movie is Fembusters if Fembusters wasn’t a pile of controversial bullshit. A bunch of scientists go investigate some strange alien entities and shiz and things. They talk about evolution and what makes hostile enemies “hostile,” and the movie makes you think about whether or not aliens are really awful beings who wanna kill everyone, or just beings who are trying to evolve. Even if it means unfortunately damaging the human race. This movie was also made by the same guy who made Ex Machina, and it shows.
6. Pacific Rim Uprising: Awful. This franchise died before it could even start. This movie keeps trying to remind you that it’s not the first movie…but it’s the first movie. But worse. It’s the same bullshit. It’s an awful, awful soft reboot trying to pass itself off as a mediocre sequel. The cast is younger, they brought back old characters because reasons, they made one of the old characters evil, they killed one of the old character pathetically, and they had the fucking balls to set up a sequel—all things soft reboots seem to do nowadays. I will not be seeing the next movie. Or any other movie that isn’t the first one.
7. Isle of Dogs: I keep having to remind myself that I saw this damn movie that I thoroughly remember enjoying. >__< It’s about a boy and his dog…s. That was kinda the main problem with the film; when the second act kicked in, I was more invested with the chemistry between said boy and said dog. But there’s about five other “main” characters in the film I wasn’t all that concerned about. There’s really nothing wrong with this film except for that. Animation was beautiful, lore was incredible, voice acting was great, and the humor was even funny at times. Not as good as Fantastic Mr. Fox, but still worth seeing.
8. Ready Player One: Hey kids! Do you like references? Do you like references?! DO YOU LIKE REFERENCES?! DO! YOU! LIKE! REFERENCES!!!!! That’s the whole movie. …It’s fun though. Also I hate the fact that they literally put me and
pokemonmanic3595 into this film. I’m Aech. He’s Parzival. Right down to the two of us being best friends, me being black IRL, me doing commissions for people, and me having never seen The Shining before.9. A Quiet Place: Very, very good premise for a horror movie that’s well-executed. …Then the third act happens. This movie tried to go for the whole family drama subplot, but I didn’t care all that much. I appreciate the effort though. Some of the characters do stupid shit as well, like screaming just because the sound of a waterfall will cover up the noise. I also feel like the tension reached its peak halfway in, when something happens I won’t spoil. This movie started off good, then got great, then it felt like the last half hour was the creators throwing random stuff together to make this movie be ninety minutes long. And then they end on a badass “cliffhanger” that, realistically speaking, will probably end with everyone inevitably dying off-screen. But hey. They were saved by Cut to Black, Roll Credits.
10. Avengers: Infinity War: I’ve talked about this movie in full detail already, surprisingly. I’ve actually got the entire review for it right here.
11. Deadpool 2: So I actually like this more than the first one. I thought all the problems that Wade Wilson had to face, while done all the fucking time, felt new because it was something that happened to Wade Wilson of all people. Wade Wilson is always so wacky and comical, but then something tragic happened to him, and the whole movie is about him trying to deal with it and also forming this bond with a teenager with superpowers. Also Cable was in it. Also a bunch of superheroes died horribly, and it was fucking hysterical. Also Domino was in it. Also THICC-ASS JUGGERNAUT WITH A THICC-ASS BOOTY!
12. Solo: A Star Wars Story: So I need to bring this up for a reason. Since I was a child, I’ve seen every single Star Wars movie (from The Phantom Menace onwards; I was born after the eighties) in theaters. Yes, even The Last Jedi. This was the first one I outright avoided. Because I just don’t really care anymore. Star Wars just doesn’t seem fun or magical anymore. Star Wars just feels like a property used to rake in money. And nothing else. People use the recent movies to “prove” why this whole new series of films are awful, why it sucks ass, or why it’s the best thing ever, etc. And I’m stuck in the middle. Even when I’m not trying to bring up this “new direction” Star Wars is going in, I end up getting roped in. And I’m just…tired. I want nothing to do with this entire franchise anymore.
13. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: I knew very little about Mr. Rogers before going into this movie. Except he guest-starred in Arthur. Now that I have seen this documentary, I’m genuinely upset I never watched his TV series, and that I didn’t know anything about this kind, but assertive man until after he died. Surprisingly the first documentary I’ve ever seen in theaters—and probably the best documentary I’ll see in a very long time.
14. Hereditary: Soooooooooo…didn’t like this movie. But my reasons are purely subjective. I didn’t like that this movie incorporated supernatural elements when it didn’t need to. I thought it was going to be a horror movie where the “horror” came from very realistic, common elements that someone would go through if this situation happened. That being said, after seeing how fucking atrocious American Horror Story: Apocalypse was, I realized I was being overly critical over this movie just because it didn’t go the way I wanted. The acting was incredible; the story was incredible; the foreshadowing was well-done; the plot was fantastic; the movie was well-shot; there were hardly any jump scares; I could go on and on and on. The only genuine objective criticism I have about this film is that it peaked too early at the end of the first act in terms of being scary…and the ending was just…NO. NO.
15. Jurassic Shit: Fuck Your Kunt: Um…so…right. When I walked out of this theater, I wasn’t even angry. Like, not even ranty angry that I usually get. I just jumped straight to depression. I walked out of the theater teary-eyed. The only reason why I didn’t break down crying was because I saw Incredibles 2 immediately afterwards. This movie…is the worst movie I’ve ever seen in theaters. I am not exaggerating. This movie was not even fun bad, like Norm of the North. This movie was fueled by characters doing stupid shit, dinosaurs doing stupid shit, it was driven by stupidity—everything was just…stupid. And it made over a billion dollars. And it’s getting a sequel. At least Jurassic World was fun and self-aware; this movie was just dumb…and nothing else. I was gonna do a full review of this film, but why bother? What’s the point? It made its money back. It’s getting a sequel. Nothing I say will fuckin’ matter. When that one brachiosaurus was left on the island, seconds away from dying? I wasn’t watching a dinosaur die. I was watching this franchise die. Someone out there made something extraordinary…something that shouldn’t have been made. And then humanity fucked it and they fucked it and they fucked it some more. And then the world said “this franchise must die.” So I sat in my chair and watched as something that started out as wondrous as Jurassic Park has now died. And now humanity is doing nothing but turning it into a repulsive, cash-grabbing, factory-made franchise that is fueled by idiocy. And I can’t do a fucking thing to change that. But hey…least we still got the original. Least I was able to show Pokemonmanic why the original was so damn profound, and why it still holds up today, twenty years later.
16. Incredibles 2: OKAY! On to happier shit now! So this movie was actually about as good as the original! It felt like they were essentially doing the original again, but with Helen instead of Bob. But the third act did take a turn; it didn’t play out exactly the same way the first movie did. I liked the subplot of Bob raising his family without Helen around; I loved all the action sequences focusing heavily on Helen; Edna Mode was Edna Mode; this movie somehow stumped me with its “twist” villain…somehow. Also this movie inverted the trope of where the kids are put in danger and the parents gotta to rescue them!
17. Sorry to Bother You: This was basically Atlanta if Atlanta was a film. Nothing pessimistic, but ultimately realistic. It was another movie that played itself realistically in an unrealistic world. The protagonist starts doing shit that’s considered a “betrayal,” to his friends, but you get why he’s doing it. It’s one of those movies where you gotta ask if the money is more important than your friendship and the principle of your job. It’s a movie where you gotta ask if you’re willing to use your talent so you can sell said talent to the devil. All the acting was great, along with the overall premise—as wacky as it was—and the movie was surprisingly hilarious. And it also spawned the best rap ever. XD AND THEN THE THIRD ACT HAPPENED. HOLY SHIT, THAT THIRD ACT.
18. Unfriended: Dark Web: So the first movie’s biggest sin was that none of the characters were sympathetic. You wanted them all to die because you hate them all—and they all deserve it. This movie, thankfully, made everyone sympathetic. You actually don’t wanna see them die and you’re rooting for them to survive. But this is a standard horror movie. In 2018. So you know what’s gonna happen. And when people start dying, you stop caring. Because you know everyone’s gonna die at the end; you just don’t know how. And guess what? Everyone dies at the end. The way the killer(s) killed everyone in the movie was seriously fucked up though.
19. Mission: Impossible - Fallout: Six movies in, and still going strong. Does this movie do anything new? Anything different? Anything groundbreaking? Anything emotionally impactful? Nah. Same shit, different day. This is one of the few franchises that hasn’t really changed its formula at all, and it still works. This movie is a perfect reminder of why movies exist. Movies don’t always have to test your intelligence, make you cry, make you rethink your life, make you mad, make you hate the world. Movies sometimes can just entertain you for a couple hours, have you admire how much effort and time went into making said film, and you walk out the theater with a pleasant smile on your face. That’s all this movie does. That’s all this movie needed to do. That being said, even though this franchise’s formula isn’t stale, it’s noticeable. It’s probably going to become stale if it creeps up towards the ninth or tenth installment.
20. The Happytime Murders: I can’t decide what to rate this one yet. All I can say is I had fun with this movie. I wanted to see a raunchy-ass comedy involving swearing puppets and silly string jizz. And goddamn it, that is what I got. XD I also like Melissa McCarthy in this movie; she didn’t seem to play the typecast character she’s known for playing nowadays. And I enjoyed the world building of how humanity learned to live alongside puppets and how there’s puppet/human prejudice and all that junk, and how you can get high snorting “candy.” That being said, this movie is very cliché. And kind of forgettable. And some of the jokes were eye-rolling or went on for too damn long. Yes, Fucking Big Idiot is a funny way of explaining FBI. Yes…yes. That is so funny. Yes.
21. Searching: Teenage girl goes missing! Father lost his wife! Father searching for his missing daughter! AW MAH GAWD! …Yup. That’s the whole movie. This movie doesn’t do anything “new” in terms of its concept. But the way said concept is executed is refreshing, and not something I was expecting. I won’t spoil what happens or even how it happens. But do not ignore this movie because the premise seems “unoriginal.” The way this movie’s plot plays out is anything but unoriginal.
22. The House With a Clock in Its Walls: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! THIS WAS THE FIRST MOVIE I SAW WITH POKEMONMANIC IN PERSON! AND I DID NOT LIKE IT! This movie didn’t know what tone it wanted to be. Sometimes it felt like a comical kids movie. Other times it was being disturbingly dark and suited for teenagers. It never found the right tone, which severely damaged it. The jokes were hit or miss as well; sometimes I’d be laughing my ass off; other times I was asking myself why the fuck a sentient couch was taking a selfie in the 1950s. When selfies didn’t exist. At least the acting was decent. And both Pokemonmanic and I agree that Cate Blanchett’s character was the best part of the film. And we got to see a lion topiary shit “mud” into a pool and fart out a butterfly. In full view.
23. Bad Times at the El Royale: Excellent. The pacing was a bit off, and the ending seemed abrupt, but otherwise, excellent movie. All the acting was fantastic; the music sung by Cynthia Erivo was great; the chemistry between the characters was well done, and every character was properly fleshed out. Also I loved Chris Hemsworth playing a Charles Manson-like villain. Very charismatic, but not over-the-top and constantly chewing the scenery; he didn’t feel like he was trying too hard. It’s nice seeing a movie that someone wrote and directed and it didn’t feel like there was studio or executive bullshit meddling with the director/writer’s project. And no, I won’t explain what the plot is. There’s a hotel. There’s some people in it. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then people start dying.
24. Ralph Breaks The Internet: It’s Wreck-It Ralph! Do you remember Wreck-It Ralph? Well now he’s on the Internet! LOOKIT RALPH DO DA FLOSS! LOOKIT RALPH PUT HIS FACE ON A GOAT! LOOKIT! LOOKIT! LOOKIT RALPH DOIN’ SHIT ON THE INTERNET! LOOKIT US, WE’RE MUTHAFUCKIN’ DISNEY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! …Oh yeah, also there’s his very touching relationship with Vanellope. BUT AW MAH GAWD! RALPH IS UNBOXING SHIT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
25. Creed II: I’m gonna go on record of saying I have not seen a single Rocky movie. But I know Creed is essentially a soft reboot. Here’s the thing: Creed is a soft reboot done properly. In fact, Creed is self-aware of what it is, and is trying not to depend on its original source—just like how Adonis changed his last name so people wouldn’t look at him as the son of Apollo Creed. Creed II is a proper sequel to said soft reboot. Does it do some cliché shit? Yes. But again, haven’t seen any Rocky movies so I don’t care. I love that this film made you sympathize with the antagonist(s) and showed you why they’re doing what they’re doing. Their goals are just as understandable as the protagonist’s; lotta times, sports movies demonize the opposing team because…plot. This movie didn’t do that. It follows a predictable pattern, sure, but it does it very well. And that’s really all I care about. I actually got teary-eyed towards the end where Rocky fist-bumped Adonis and he told him softly “It’s your time.” Let’s face it: Michael B. Jordan is blowing up right now. And Sylvester Stallone is kind of done now with acting…except for Escape Plan. Stallone still has the Escape Plan franchise.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand that’s it. Those are all the “new” movies I’ve seen this year! Hooray. Don’t think I’m gonna do a full review on any of these that I haven’t done already. Am I gonna see anything else this year? Highly doubtful. Probably not. There’s nothing else I’m really all that interested in seeing until next year.
But hey. The start of next year, we’re getting Glass.
Watch This (SFW) Music Video
General | Posted 7 years agoI'll probably make another update journal soon, since I haven't really said or done anything in the past two months. But the bottom line is that I'm not dead. So yay. :D
So yeah, between this, Atlanta, and "This Is America," it's safe to say that Donald Glover has earned my respect. Not even as an entertainer. Just as a genuine human being.
https://youtu.be/F1B9Fk_SgI0
So yeah, between this, Atlanta, and "This Is America," it's safe to say that Donald Glover has earned my respect. Not even as an entertainer. Just as a genuine human being.
https://youtu.be/F1B9Fk_SgI0
Post-Birthday Shiz/Mid-20s Shiz
General | Posted 7 years agoSo no longer my birthday and shiz. Whoo and butts. Thank you everyone for all the kind birthday wishes or birfday wishes or buttsday wishes or for hosing down everything with piss.
It was fairly nice. Didn’t anticipate being off work on my b-day, so I actually didn’t plan for anything. Essentially I ended up relaxing most of the day due to the stress work has been putting on me, and later on saw Won’t You Be My Neighbor. And later chatted with islethewolf for a while about movies and Sawnix games and Kingdom Hearts and Super Mario games. And he got to listen to me swearing at how stupid I am while playing DOOM, despite how much the game is perfect in absolutely every way, shape and form possible.
So yeah, didn’t do much, but didn’t need to. Thoroughly enjoyed seeing Won’t You Be My Neighbor. I’ve been watching a lot of big-budget movies and animated movies and horror movies and action movies…and ‘asplosions…and shooting…and people dying…and blah blah blah. X__X I just got tired of it and wanted to see something different. Plus I didn’t know much about Fred Rogers prior to seeing the film, so it was lovely watching this documentary about this kind, but realistic and determined man.
In other news, having just gotten another year older, I do feel…like I’ve gotten lazier this year. I dunno. I remember a couple years back where I was constantly having to balance between working and typing commissions and going to college all at the same time. And there were several times where I would have to work forty hours a week. Now I rarely work forty hours a week (but roughly around thirty), I’m not in college, and I’m not doing commissions anymore. And yet now I feel like I’m not getting as much done as I used to. Sometimes I’d be able to binge-watch several episodes of a show in one sitting. Sometimes I’d crank out a full chapter of a story in one day, or churn through a large amount of a commission in a single day or two days. Sometimes I’d be able to read a whole book that’s about three hundred pages in a few days, depending on the circumstances. But now it just feels like I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual and not getting much done.
I know I shouldn’t be pushing myself too hard or else I’ll get burnt out, which is what happened back in April/May. And I know I shouldn’t be overstressing myself, or else I’m gonna go through what happened in February/March, where I got physically ill to the point of vomiting, and came very close to having a mental breakdown. But I don’t feel like I should be slacking off and constantly stalling on everything either just because I don’t have a deadline. It took me an hour just to write this short-ass journal because I kept getting distracted by other crap around me, and that usually doesn’t happen. I go around and I see how some people on Amazon can pump out a novel on Kindle in a month, maybe less. And while I have made some stories since the year began, I feel like I could just be doing more…as opposed to just sleeping.
…It’s just frustrating sometimes.
I have to do better though. I have to. I feel like I haven’t done all that much with my life considering how old I am, and I feel like if I keep spending time “taking it easy,” I’ll end up in my mid-40s asking what the hell I’ve spent the last two decades doing.
I can’t have that happen.
It was fairly nice. Didn’t anticipate being off work on my b-day, so I actually didn’t plan for anything. Essentially I ended up relaxing most of the day due to the stress work has been putting on me, and later on saw Won’t You Be My Neighbor. And later chatted with
islethewolf for a while about movies and Sawnix games and Kingdom Hearts and Super Mario games. And he got to listen to me swearing at how stupid I am while playing DOOM, despite how much the game is perfect in absolutely every way, shape and form possible.So yeah, didn’t do much, but didn’t need to. Thoroughly enjoyed seeing Won’t You Be My Neighbor. I’ve been watching a lot of big-budget movies and animated movies and horror movies and action movies…and ‘asplosions…and shooting…and people dying…and blah blah blah. X__X I just got tired of it and wanted to see something different. Plus I didn’t know much about Fred Rogers prior to seeing the film, so it was lovely watching this documentary about this kind, but realistic and determined man.
In other news, having just gotten another year older, I do feel…like I’ve gotten lazier this year. I dunno. I remember a couple years back where I was constantly having to balance between working and typing commissions and going to college all at the same time. And there were several times where I would have to work forty hours a week. Now I rarely work forty hours a week (but roughly around thirty), I’m not in college, and I’m not doing commissions anymore. And yet now I feel like I’m not getting as much done as I used to. Sometimes I’d be able to binge-watch several episodes of a show in one sitting. Sometimes I’d crank out a full chapter of a story in one day, or churn through a large amount of a commission in a single day or two days. Sometimes I’d be able to read a whole book that’s about three hundred pages in a few days, depending on the circumstances. But now it just feels like I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual and not getting much done.
I know I shouldn’t be pushing myself too hard or else I’ll get burnt out, which is what happened back in April/May. And I know I shouldn’t be overstressing myself, or else I’m gonna go through what happened in February/March, where I got physically ill to the point of vomiting, and came very close to having a mental breakdown. But I don’t feel like I should be slacking off and constantly stalling on everything either just because I don’t have a deadline. It took me an hour just to write this short-ass journal because I kept getting distracted by other crap around me, and that usually doesn’t happen. I go around and I see how some people on Amazon can pump out a novel on Kindle in a month, maybe less. And while I have made some stories since the year began, I feel like I could just be doing more…as opposed to just sleeping.
…It’s just frustrating sometimes.
I have to do better though. I have to. I feel like I haven’t done all that much with my life considering how old I am, and I feel like if I keep spending time “taking it easy,” I’ll end up in my mid-40s asking what the hell I’ve spent the last two decades doing.
I can’t have that happen.
Birfday Wulf Again
General | Posted 7 years agoYaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
*sprays confetti poppers and shiz*
I'm still in my 20s and feel like I'm in my 40s.
I will be in bed letting my back/chest heal from work this past week. Also I'm probably gonna see Won't You Be My Neighbor? later. After seeing Dinosaurs & 'Asplosions, I think I'm done watching soulless big-budgeted films that exists to make money and nothing else for the rest of the year.
*flops down on mattress*
*sprays confetti poppers and shiz*
I'm still in my 20s and feel like I'm in my 40s.
I will be in bed letting my back/chest heal from work this past week. Also I'm probably gonna see Won't You Be My Neighbor? later. After seeing Dinosaurs & 'Asplosions, I think I'm done watching soulless big-budgeted films that exists to make money and nothing else for the rest of the year.
*flops down on mattress*
Avengers: Infinity War Review
General | Posted 7 years agoToday is May the Fourth. It’s a very important day for Star Wars fans all across the galaxy. Today is special. Today is absolutely sacred.
So I’m gonna be a dick and talk about a Marvel movie.
RATING: 8.5/10
So this is actually gonna be a bit of a short review, because it’s hard to talk about this movie without spoiling shiz. Basically, this movie is exactly what you think it is. A shitload of superheroes come together and have a big orgy. And then Thanos comes along, pulls down his pants, and takes a giant shit on everyone. Then everyone gets all pissed. And then the movie ends.
In all seriousness, I do like the fact that Thanos wasn’t another “BLAAAAAAARGH AH’M EVIL BLAAAAAAAAAARGH!” villain. He actually had a lot of depth to him, and while it’s impossible to agree with his viewpoints, you at least understand why he’s doing what he’s doing, and he genuinely believes that he’s doing the right thing.
There’s really no point in talking about any of the other characters, because you already know everything about them from their own “standalone” films. I will say that I do like Doctor Stephen Strange a lot more here than I did in his own film. And as always, the best part about Thor’s movies was Thor himself. And nothing else. Even the creators of the MCU are aware of this, judging by how the first ten minutes of this movie go. >__>
I do like the fact that unlike the last two Avengers films, the heroes aren’t spending a third of the movie fighting each other. They’re fully aware of how devastating Thanos is, so they immediately band together so they can stop him from getting all of the Infinity Stones. Of course, given how large the cast is, they had to split up the movie into about four different subplots working alongside one another—which is kind of to be expected. So the movie never feels stale or boring at all—which is good for anyone who hates all those slow talky parts in the previous Marvel films.
As always, the scenery is beautiful, the cinematography is awesome, the CGI was incredible (yes, even for Thanos), all the fight scenes (for the most part) looked amazing; in general this is just a fun movie to sit down and enjoy. Even if you aren’t a huge fan of superhero movies, this is clearly one of the better ones that stands out among the rest.
Really, there isn’t all that much else to talk about that either hasn’t been said already or doesn’t veer into spoiler territory. I will brush upon the ending though, because that’s important. For the sake of not ruining anything, the MCU finally decided to kill some people in this movie. And I don’t just mean the villains or side characters. Some actual major players get killed in this movie, and I don’t think they’re coming back this time. And the ending of this movie was absolutely haunting and brilliant, for reasons I can’t spoil.
At the same time though…what happens at the end isn’t the end of everything. I mean, we know it’s not. We’re smart enough to know that they’re gonna make more Marvel movies down the line, so there’s no way that what occurred here will forever be set in stone within the MCU. Really, the only huge change made within this franchise was what happened in Thor: Ragnarok, the clusterfuck of revelations in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and the characters who died in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Everything else has been small scale and most of the damage inflicted has been repaired. And having seen various reviews and even talked to a few people about it, I fully understand why some people despise this movie’s ending. More importantly, I can see why some people weren’t emotionally impacted by said ending either. And while I’m not entirely as cynical about it, yeah, I do feel like it kinda detracts the impact a bit when you know that when the next chronological movie comes out, some of the events that happened here will probably be rectified.
And while this is also to be expected, you can’t really watch this movie without having seen previous MCU movies. Which again, does bother some people. Some people argue that movies should stand on their own, even for sequels, but this movie expects you to have seen at least a couple earlier films to understand what’s going on and why. On one hand, I do agree with this—I don’t think movies should be made to set up future movies, and then those future movies expect you to have seen previous movies that were setting up this movie. And considering that I didn’t like some of the MCU films I rewatched during my movie binge, this is a valid point. At the same time though, Infinity War is like the White House invasion in Season 7 of 24. If you literally just sit down and watch this episode first, you’re gonna be like “What the fuck?! How did terrorists infiltrate the White House?! Why are they killing all these people?! Who was that old man who blew himself up?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!”
And I’m just gonna glare at you and say “Dude. Watch the season from the beginning.”
I know that movies and TV shows hold different values, especially since the MCU has its own set of TV shows. But the MCU kinda is constructed like this.
Uh, there’s really no need to say whether I should recommend this movie or not. You already know if you’re gonna see it. If you’re a colossal fan of the MCU, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love superhero movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love fun, action-packed movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you don’t give a rat’s ass about superhero movies or about the MCU franchise, you haven’t seen this movie, and you’re probably not going to unless a friend or family relative drags you to go see it.
I think the biggest accomplishment for this movie is that it had the reverse effect of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, something that RedLetterMedia touched up on. Star Wars: The Last Jedi wasn’t a bad movie. I liked it. I thought it was fun. But after I saw The Last Jedi, and especially after I saw how anticlimactic and disappointing the final season of Star Wars Rebels was (ooh, we got space whales and wolves!) I walked away from that franchise saying:
“I’m gonna see Star Wars: Episode IX. And then I’m done. I don’t care anymore.”
After seeing this movie, I walked away from the MCU saying:
“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT. I have no fucking idea what they’re gonna do now, but they’re starting to break their formula and I wanna see where this goes! ”
So good for you, Infinity War, for wiping off most of my cynical viewpoints of this franchise and actually making me excited for (some of) the future installments.
“Does that mean you’re gonna give Ant-Man and the Wasp a chance now?”
That’s funny. You’re funny. XD
So I’m gonna be a dick and talk about a Marvel movie.
RATING: 8.5/10
So this is actually gonna be a bit of a short review, because it’s hard to talk about this movie without spoiling shiz. Basically, this movie is exactly what you think it is. A shitload of superheroes come together and have a big orgy. And then Thanos comes along, pulls down his pants, and takes a giant shit on everyone. Then everyone gets all pissed. And then the movie ends.
In all seriousness, I do like the fact that Thanos wasn’t another “BLAAAAAAARGH AH’M EVIL BLAAAAAAAAAARGH!” villain. He actually had a lot of depth to him, and while it’s impossible to agree with his viewpoints, you at least understand why he’s doing what he’s doing, and he genuinely believes that he’s doing the right thing.
There’s really no point in talking about any of the other characters, because you already know everything about them from their own “standalone” films. I will say that I do like Doctor Stephen Strange a lot more here than I did in his own film. And as always, the best part about Thor’s movies was Thor himself. And nothing else. Even the creators of the MCU are aware of this, judging by how the first ten minutes of this movie go. >__>
I do like the fact that unlike the last two Avengers films, the heroes aren’t spending a third of the movie fighting each other. They’re fully aware of how devastating Thanos is, so they immediately band together so they can stop him from getting all of the Infinity Stones. Of course, given how large the cast is, they had to split up the movie into about four different subplots working alongside one another—which is kind of to be expected. So the movie never feels stale or boring at all—which is good for anyone who hates all those slow talky parts in the previous Marvel films.
As always, the scenery is beautiful, the cinematography is awesome, the CGI was incredible (yes, even for Thanos), all the fight scenes (for the most part) looked amazing; in general this is just a fun movie to sit down and enjoy. Even if you aren’t a huge fan of superhero movies, this is clearly one of the better ones that stands out among the rest.
Really, there isn’t all that much else to talk about that either hasn’t been said already or doesn’t veer into spoiler territory. I will brush upon the ending though, because that’s important. For the sake of not ruining anything, the MCU finally decided to kill some people in this movie. And I don’t just mean the villains or side characters. Some actual major players get killed in this movie, and I don’t think they’re coming back this time. And the ending of this movie was absolutely haunting and brilliant, for reasons I can’t spoil.
At the same time though…what happens at the end isn’t the end of everything. I mean, we know it’s not. We’re smart enough to know that they’re gonna make more Marvel movies down the line, so there’s no way that what occurred here will forever be set in stone within the MCU. Really, the only huge change made within this franchise was what happened in Thor: Ragnarok, the clusterfuck of revelations in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and the characters who died in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Everything else has been small scale and most of the damage inflicted has been repaired. And having seen various reviews and even talked to a few people about it, I fully understand why some people despise this movie’s ending. More importantly, I can see why some people weren’t emotionally impacted by said ending either. And while I’m not entirely as cynical about it, yeah, I do feel like it kinda detracts the impact a bit when you know that when the next chronological movie comes out, some of the events that happened here will probably be rectified.
And while this is also to be expected, you can’t really watch this movie without having seen previous MCU movies. Which again, does bother some people. Some people argue that movies should stand on their own, even for sequels, but this movie expects you to have seen at least a couple earlier films to understand what’s going on and why. On one hand, I do agree with this—I don’t think movies should be made to set up future movies, and then those future movies expect you to have seen previous movies that were setting up this movie. And considering that I didn’t like some of the MCU films I rewatched during my movie binge, this is a valid point. At the same time though, Infinity War is like the White House invasion in Season 7 of 24. If you literally just sit down and watch this episode first, you’re gonna be like “What the fuck?! How did terrorists infiltrate the White House?! Why are they killing all these people?! Who was that old man who blew himself up?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!”
And I’m just gonna glare at you and say “Dude. Watch the season from the beginning.”
I know that movies and TV shows hold different values, especially since the MCU has its own set of TV shows. But the MCU kinda is constructed like this.
Uh, there’s really no need to say whether I should recommend this movie or not. You already know if you’re gonna see it. If you’re a colossal fan of the MCU, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love superhero movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you love fun, action-packed movies, you’ve already seen this movie. If you don’t give a rat’s ass about superhero movies or about the MCU franchise, you haven’t seen this movie, and you’re probably not going to unless a friend or family relative drags you to go see it.
I think the biggest accomplishment for this movie is that it had the reverse effect of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, something that RedLetterMedia touched up on. Star Wars: The Last Jedi wasn’t a bad movie. I liked it. I thought it was fun. But after I saw The Last Jedi, and especially after I saw how anticlimactic and disappointing the final season of Star Wars Rebels was (ooh, we got space whales and wolves!) I walked away from that franchise saying:
“I’m gonna see Star Wars: Episode IX. And then I’m done. I don’t care anymore.”
After seeing this movie, I walked away from the MCU saying:
“HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT. I have no fucking idea what they’re gonna do now, but they’re starting to break their formula and I wanna see where this goes! ”
So good for you, Infinity War, for wiping off most of my cynical viewpoints of this franchise and actually making me excited for (some of) the future installments.
“Does that mean you’re gonna give Ant-Man and the Wasp a chance now?”
That’s funny. You’re funny. XD
Marvel Cinematic Universe
General | Posted 7 years agoSo while I was recovering from being burnt out on writing, I spent the last several days doing the one bloody thing that I said I wasn’t going to fucking do. I went well outta my way to watch all of the fucking Marvel movies! So much time has been spent being a movie nerd for superhero films. :D Since I got nothing better to do, and to finally and firmly grasp my standpoint on this entire franchise, I reevaluated every single MCU film. And now I’m gonna talk about ‘em all! But first, the TL;DR version. Here’s all the movies listed from worst to best.
Ant-Man: Don’t Care/10
Thor: Ragnarok: 2/10
Thor: The Dark World: 3/10
Doctor Strange: 3/10
Iron Man 3: 3/10
Thor: 5/10
The Incredible Hulk: 5.5/10
Captain America: Civil War: 6/10
Iron Man 2: 7/10
Spider-Man: Homecoming: 7/10
Black Panther: 7/10
Captain America: 8/10
The Avengers: 8/10
Avengers: Age of Ultron: 9/10
Guardians of the Galaxy: 9/10
Iron Man: 10/10
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: 10/10
Captain America: The Winter Soldier: 10/10
All right, so let’s get into all the movies now in terms of the order I watched them in! SOME SPOILERS WILL FOLLOW.
1. The Incredible Hulk: Fine. A majority of the movie was okay, but not great. I thought the villain was decent, and the movie got better the further along it went. But ultimately, nothing spectacular, and nothing was really even accomplished. Betty Ross, the love interest, was awful. The fact that she immediately ditched Ty Burrell so swiftly does not make her sympathetic at all.
2. Iron Man: Marvel blew it’s load way too fuckin’ early. Everything about the movie, ranging from the character development, and special effects, and the plot, was phenomenal. Here you get to see just why Tony Stark goes down the path he goes on, and his reasons make perfectly good sense. This movie even had a believable love interest in it, but it doesn’t officially happen and is portrayed realistically. The villain isn’t remarkable, but Jeff Bridges’ acting made him stand out quite a bit. There’s really nothing I hate about this movie but the lack of action, and even then, said lack of action is justified in favor of focusing on character growth.
3. Thor: Dull. Boring. Forgettable. Bland. Apathetic. Pick your adjective. They all fit here. Thor starts out as an asshole. Then he loses his powers. Then he isn’t an asshole. Then he gets his powers back. Then he defeats the villain. Whoo. The only saving grace this movie has is its villain Loki, and one scene Thor has with someone in a bar. Also, Jane Foster as a love interest? No. NO. NO. The sad thing is? THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE IN THE THOR TRILOGY.
4. Captain America: Surprisingly better than I remembered! This isn’t just a war movie. This is a character study movie about a man who just so happens to be in war. I love how this movie showed just how hard it is for someone to be a “hero,” for someone to achieve what they want. And I love how this film showed that if you wanna do something super badly, then you gotta cut a few corners and do a couple things under the radar to get what you want. The fact that Steve Rogers is joining the war simply because he hates bullying, and not because he wants to glorify himself or kill Nazis, makes him a compelling protagonist. Shame this movie had yet another bland antagonist in it, but eh.
5. Iron Man 2: Still holds up, even now. Not great, but still good. I found this movie to be the first true “comic book” movie. It’s bigger, wackier, makes less logical sense, but you know what? That’s just fine. It’s a fun movie, and it has a great subplot involving Tony Stark dying, specifically because of the device that’s currently saving him. The biggest problem with this movie was Justin Hammer, who was annoying as fuck. I love Sam Rockwell, but his character should not have been in this movie; he just bogged everything down. At the very least, this movie didn’t butcher Stark’s character or his relationship with Pepper Potts, so yay.
6. The Avengers: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand yes. Wonderful. This movie is just as good and cool as you’d think it would be. It’s about six superheroes coming together to stop a Big Bad from destroying New York City. Lots of fighting ensues, lots of action ensues, lots of jokes ensue, and we get to see everyone’s ideologies clashing together. Watching everyone overcome said ideologies and work together was just beautiful. Plus we get to see Loki again, which is always good.
7. Iron Man 3: And now we come across our first stinker. I like that the movie showed how Tony Stark could still be a hero without his Iron Man suit. That was admirable. Everything else? Shit. I didn’t like the subplot of Stark bonding with that kid; I thought the fiery villains was too over-the-top for the Iron Man films; this is the movie that began with the “forced humor” element that I hate; the action in the movie was bloated, to the point of making it look like a Transformers movie; the main villain is generic as all fuck; and last, but not least, this movie decided to throw away a completely interesting and menacing villain for the sake of revealing that he’s just this red herring, comical actor. Awful.
8. Thor: The Dark World: Someone working at Marvel said, “Hey guys! I got a great idea! Let’s make a better Thor movie by throwing stuff in it!” And that’s all this movie is. Stuff. Things happen. People die. Shit blows up. Destruction takes place. And then it ends. That shitty style of humor from Iron Man 3 is back, Jane Foster does absolutely nothing, and the antagonist is this paper-thin entity that isn’t even cool-looking. By far the biggest detriment was the decision to kill Loki, only to bring him back by the end. Loki’s “death” genuinely made my eyes water, and it would’ve been the perfect way for his character to go out that wrapped up his arc in a nice bow. Why the hell would you not kill him now, after he redeems himself by saving Thor’s life and getting impaled in the process?! Stupid…
9. Captain America: The Winter Soldier: And here we have it, the best MCU film, at least for my list. No shitty love subplot, no shitty love interest, gorgeous action sequences and CGI, really fast-paced soundtrack, darker tone that managed to still stay lighthearted, and I love how this movie felt more like a Jason Bourne film if anything. This movie also introduced Sam Wilson (or the Falcon) and fleshed out Natasha Romanoff’s (Black Widow) character a lot, which was thoroughly refreshing. And while the villain wasn’t particularly good or memorable, what the villain attempted to do was absolutely horrifying. High, high recommendation, even if you flat-out ignore the previous Captain America movie. Also, Frank Grillo. That is never bad.
10. Guardians of the Galaxy: I genuinely didn’t even know this was part of the MCU. I just thought this movie was gonna be its own thing. And while I still am a bit upset that it’s not, I can at least be happy that they allowed James Gunn to make a movie he wanted to make. And what you have is a crew of anti-heroes all working together to save the galaxy, all while being wacky and making jokes along the way. This is precisely what a superhero movie should be, this film right here. This film managed to take itself seriously when it needed to, yet also managed to be incredibly fun and lighthearted in the process. Even better, but this movie clearly has heart behind it, because this movie and its sequel are the only movies in the entire MCU that had resulted in me shedding actual tears at some point. This movie and its sequel are the BoJack Horseman of superhero films. Make what you will of that.
11. Avengers: Age of Ultron: So I had the pleasure of rewatching this movie alongside pokemonmanic3595 late at night. And we thoroughly enjoyed this movie! This movie is just as good as the original Avengers, but what elevates it is the fact that this movie spent most of the second act taking the time to slow down and focus more of fleshing out the Avengers and showing their ideologies clashing once again. Which was refreshing after so many action scenes. But what really sold this movie for us was Ultron. Really, really complex and deep villain, but also still maintaining a child-like mentality—because he technically is one—and also having a generally wonderful appearance and great voice acting from James Spader. Also thank you, pokemonmanic, for pointing out that Ultron is just this beefy, naked, giant metal dude. As was Vision. Because that didn’t put images in my brain at all. I hate you. >__>
12. Ant-Man: I can’t numerically rate this movie. Because I didn’t watch it. Not the whole thing, anyway. Halfway into the movie, I realized that it was a generic movie with generic side characters and a generic villain and generic comedy and generic CGI and a generic girlfriend and a generic mentor character played by a generic well-known actor all intertwined within a generic plot. Conveniently, islethewolf contacted me and asked if we could voice chat. At first I told him no, because I didn’t wanna be distracted. But then I said “fuck it” and we talked about things and shiz. And as we spoke, Ant-Man was playing in the background, and I didn’t even try to pay attention to it. Because the stuff Isle and I talked about over on Discord was more meaningful, more impactful, and even more hysterical than this bland-ass bag of flour that calls itself a movie. So thank you, Isle, for sparing me from watching this boring-ass bag of blandness.
13. Captain America: Civil War: Not as good as I remembered, but still good nonetheless. I loved the themes of this movie, about collateral damage and using scapegoats to justify your actions, and how it shows that just because the heroes save the day, it doesn’t exactly make them heroic. This movie really did put a new perspective on the overall tone of the superhero genre, without doing so in a dark and gritty way like Batman v. Superman and Man of Steel did. And we finally get to see the Avengers fighting each other, which was certainly new. At the same time though, some of the events that took place in this film, I felt was forced. It felt like certain characters had to do something stupid or had to turn off their brains in order for the villain to achieve everything he achieved. It didn’t bother me immensely, but it certainly damaged the quality of the movie. And the fact that the Avengers result in causing lots of destruction in a big fight scene, even though they wanna stop causing lots of destruction in a big fight scene, kinda makes everyone seem hypocritical. Oh well. Least we got Black Panther and Spider-Man thanks to this movie!
14. Doctor Strange: Goddamn it, another cliché boring-ass film! Guy is an asshole; guy gets injured; guy goes through training; guy becomes a superhero; mentor dies; lots of CGI; generic villain; generic side characters; forced humor that isn’t funny—I’m so sick of this! Okay, Benedict Cumberbatch does good acting here, as always. And in terms of visuals and special effects? Even though I saw Infinity War earlier today? This movie is hands down the best MCU film in terms of its visuals. Such a shame that it was all pissed away on yet another cardboard box film that isn’t memorable at all. Nothing about this movie stood out except for one poignant scene about life and death, Doctor Stephen Strange himself, and his sentient cape. That’s about it.
15. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: I don’t care if I’m being biased. This movie is and always will be an improvement over the original. Now yes, there’s too much humor in it—something I outright criticized upon my first viewing of this movie. But despite this movie being bigger and louder and full of more special effects? It’s also better than the original. The main villain is nowhere near as generic as Ronan, the special effects look superb, the soundtrack is awesome, and this movie took the time to flesh out the Guardians with their backstories and character development. Even Nebula and Yondu, who were originally just side characters, get loads of development here. And while the humor is a bit…too much at times, and sometimes some jokes last too long, I still laughed my ass off watching this movie, and all the excellent qualities removed all the issues I had with the humor to the point where it no longer bothered me. And don’t get me started on the ending, which had me crying like a little bitch again.
16. Spider-Man: Homecoming: Someone at Marvel must’ve been listening to me constantly whining about how cliché some superhero movies are. Now yes, it’s another Spider-Man movie. Hooray. I’m kinda sick of Spider-Man, but at least this is somewhat of a different spin on it. Tom Holland is adorably nerdy, and looks and sounds like a fifteen-year-old, Peter Parker is great as a high school student, and as Spider-Man, and Vulture was definitely a new take on the villains of the franchise. By far what elevated this movie was the fact that so many aspects of it are taken realistically, without making the movie ridiculously dark. And a reveal in the third act turned this film upside-down, and saved it from turning into another cliché, generic superhero film. Gotta give the movie props for that.
17. Thor: Ragnarok: HOW?! HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU WORSE THAN THOR: THE DARK WORLD?! There are almost no redeeming qualities to this film! The villain is generic and boring—AGAIN! The movie is trying so damn blatantly hard to be Guardians of the Galaxy that it’s pathetic! Oh sure, the movie’s all colorful and pretty, but the CGI is shit. Yes, the movie has a good soundtrack, but it all feels like it was thrown in as a cheap way to get the audience pumped for the movie. Sure, this movie isn’t bland and boring—I’ll give it that. Sure, this movie is having fun—I’ll give it that. Sure, Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum are hamming it up as the villains—I’ll give it that. But this movie is completely pointless! Lots of shit blows up, there’s lots of death, lots of shitty, shitty, shitty, predictable comedy, lots of improvisation, lots of shit! Just…just colorful shit everywhere! Thor is a plain, bare toilet. Thor: The Dark World is that same bare toilet, but someone is sitting on it taking a huge shit. Sure, something is happening, but it’s nothing most people enjoy. Thor: Ragnarok is someone shitting out skittles into said toilet, taking out the shit, and then cramming it down your fucking throat mixed with Mountain Dew! Just because you make a movie different from the two previously boring ones does not make it good! AT ALL! You need to make us care about the characters; you need to make us care about the plot; you need to make us feel tension when everyone is dying! You can’t just throw lots of hollow action, colorful effects, and humor in a film and say it’s good if there’s zero substance behind it! And if I wanna see Guardians of the Galaxy, I’d watch Guardians of the Galaxy, not your shitty-ass excuse of a Thor movie! The only thing redeeming about this movie other than the performances was Korg. He was fucking cute as all fuck, and his accent was smooth and adorable, and he was this giant cool-looking rock monster. He was basically a Teddy bear. Marvel literally put a rock golem of a Teddy bear in this movie. That alone deserves praise. And also, Hulk ass. You get to see Hulk’s giant, jiggly, bouncy ass for a brief moment. I even joked with Isle before seeing this movie and told him that at the bare minimum, this movie would get a 2/10, and each point goes to each of Hulk’s ass cheeks. Shame that ended up being the case!
18. Black Panther: Definitely fun and great. I love the immense world building throughout the first act of the film. Seeing Wakanda in all its beauty was incredible, as was learning about the country’s culture and seeing how things operated. I really like T’Challa’s sister; their chemistry together felt natural, and kinda reminded of how I act around my own sister. The supporting cast was fantastic, mainly Danai Gurira and Andy Serkis. And this movie hands down has one of the best villains throughout all of the MCU movies, played beautifully by Michael B. Jordan. It really is a shame that, for all this movie’s incredible qualities, it’s bogged down by how formulaic the entire third act was. Now no, I didn’t think the third act was stupid or awful. But it was so predictable that I immediately stopped caring about what was going to happen. Because I knew exactly how the movie would end. Nothing exactly that ruins the film, but it’s a little disappointing to see this movie go in such a different direction, only to circle around and say “NOPE! Same ol’ bullshit!”
All right everybody, that’s all of them! Now I know some of you are saying:
“BUT JT! WHAT ABOUT INFINITY WAR?!”
Oh yeah. That. What do I think about that film?
How do I view it overall?
What are my thoughts on this overhyped movie?
GUESS WHAT! I’M GONNA TELL YOU!
In another journal. :p
That’s right bitches. I’m pulling a Marvel on your asses.
You’re just gonna have to sit here with blue balls after I spent so much time and effort building all this shit up leading to this one journal. But no worries. I will be posting a full review on Infinity War within a few days.
Or maybe I’ll be an asshole and wait until next year. Like Marvel is doing.
We’ll see. XD
Ant-Man: Don’t Care/10
Thor: Ragnarok: 2/10
Thor: The Dark World: 3/10
Doctor Strange: 3/10
Iron Man 3: 3/10
Thor: 5/10
The Incredible Hulk: 5.5/10
Captain America: Civil War: 6/10
Iron Man 2: 7/10
Spider-Man: Homecoming: 7/10
Black Panther: 7/10
Captain America: 8/10
The Avengers: 8/10
Avengers: Age of Ultron: 9/10
Guardians of the Galaxy: 9/10
Iron Man: 10/10
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: 10/10
Captain America: The Winter Soldier: 10/10
All right, so let’s get into all the movies now in terms of the order I watched them in! SOME SPOILERS WILL FOLLOW.
1. The Incredible Hulk: Fine. A majority of the movie was okay, but not great. I thought the villain was decent, and the movie got better the further along it went. But ultimately, nothing spectacular, and nothing was really even accomplished. Betty Ross, the love interest, was awful. The fact that she immediately ditched Ty Burrell so swiftly does not make her sympathetic at all.
2. Iron Man: Marvel blew it’s load way too fuckin’ early. Everything about the movie, ranging from the character development, and special effects, and the plot, was phenomenal. Here you get to see just why Tony Stark goes down the path he goes on, and his reasons make perfectly good sense. This movie even had a believable love interest in it, but it doesn’t officially happen and is portrayed realistically. The villain isn’t remarkable, but Jeff Bridges’ acting made him stand out quite a bit. There’s really nothing I hate about this movie but the lack of action, and even then, said lack of action is justified in favor of focusing on character growth.
3. Thor: Dull. Boring. Forgettable. Bland. Apathetic. Pick your adjective. They all fit here. Thor starts out as an asshole. Then he loses his powers. Then he isn’t an asshole. Then he gets his powers back. Then he defeats the villain. Whoo. The only saving grace this movie has is its villain Loki, and one scene Thor has with someone in a bar. Also, Jane Foster as a love interest? No. NO. NO. The sad thing is? THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE IN THE THOR TRILOGY.
4. Captain America: Surprisingly better than I remembered! This isn’t just a war movie. This is a character study movie about a man who just so happens to be in war. I love how this movie showed just how hard it is for someone to be a “hero,” for someone to achieve what they want. And I love how this film showed that if you wanna do something super badly, then you gotta cut a few corners and do a couple things under the radar to get what you want. The fact that Steve Rogers is joining the war simply because he hates bullying, and not because he wants to glorify himself or kill Nazis, makes him a compelling protagonist. Shame this movie had yet another bland antagonist in it, but eh.
5. Iron Man 2: Still holds up, even now. Not great, but still good. I found this movie to be the first true “comic book” movie. It’s bigger, wackier, makes less logical sense, but you know what? That’s just fine. It’s a fun movie, and it has a great subplot involving Tony Stark dying, specifically because of the device that’s currently saving him. The biggest problem with this movie was Justin Hammer, who was annoying as fuck. I love Sam Rockwell, but his character should not have been in this movie; he just bogged everything down. At the very least, this movie didn’t butcher Stark’s character or his relationship with Pepper Potts, so yay.
6. The Avengers: Aaaaaaaaaaaaand yes. Wonderful. This movie is just as good and cool as you’d think it would be. It’s about six superheroes coming together to stop a Big Bad from destroying New York City. Lots of fighting ensues, lots of action ensues, lots of jokes ensue, and we get to see everyone’s ideologies clashing together. Watching everyone overcome said ideologies and work together was just beautiful. Plus we get to see Loki again, which is always good.
7. Iron Man 3: And now we come across our first stinker. I like that the movie showed how Tony Stark could still be a hero without his Iron Man suit. That was admirable. Everything else? Shit. I didn’t like the subplot of Stark bonding with that kid; I thought the fiery villains was too over-the-top for the Iron Man films; this is the movie that began with the “forced humor” element that I hate; the action in the movie was bloated, to the point of making it look like a Transformers movie; the main villain is generic as all fuck; and last, but not least, this movie decided to throw away a completely interesting and menacing villain for the sake of revealing that he’s just this red herring, comical actor. Awful.
8. Thor: The Dark World: Someone working at Marvel said, “Hey guys! I got a great idea! Let’s make a better Thor movie by throwing stuff in it!” And that’s all this movie is. Stuff. Things happen. People die. Shit blows up. Destruction takes place. And then it ends. That shitty style of humor from Iron Man 3 is back, Jane Foster does absolutely nothing, and the antagonist is this paper-thin entity that isn’t even cool-looking. By far the biggest detriment was the decision to kill Loki, only to bring him back by the end. Loki’s “death” genuinely made my eyes water, and it would’ve been the perfect way for his character to go out that wrapped up his arc in a nice bow. Why the hell would you not kill him now, after he redeems himself by saving Thor’s life and getting impaled in the process?! Stupid…
9. Captain America: The Winter Soldier: And here we have it, the best MCU film, at least for my list. No shitty love subplot, no shitty love interest, gorgeous action sequences and CGI, really fast-paced soundtrack, darker tone that managed to still stay lighthearted, and I love how this movie felt more like a Jason Bourne film if anything. This movie also introduced Sam Wilson (or the Falcon) and fleshed out Natasha Romanoff’s (Black Widow) character a lot, which was thoroughly refreshing. And while the villain wasn’t particularly good or memorable, what the villain attempted to do was absolutely horrifying. High, high recommendation, even if you flat-out ignore the previous Captain America movie. Also, Frank Grillo. That is never bad.
10. Guardians of the Galaxy: I genuinely didn’t even know this was part of the MCU. I just thought this movie was gonna be its own thing. And while I still am a bit upset that it’s not, I can at least be happy that they allowed James Gunn to make a movie he wanted to make. And what you have is a crew of anti-heroes all working together to save the galaxy, all while being wacky and making jokes along the way. This is precisely what a superhero movie should be, this film right here. This film managed to take itself seriously when it needed to, yet also managed to be incredibly fun and lighthearted in the process. Even better, but this movie clearly has heart behind it, because this movie and its sequel are the only movies in the entire MCU that had resulted in me shedding actual tears at some point. This movie and its sequel are the BoJack Horseman of superhero films. Make what you will of that.
11. Avengers: Age of Ultron: So I had the pleasure of rewatching this movie alongside
pokemonmanic3595 late at night. And we thoroughly enjoyed this movie! This movie is just as good as the original Avengers, but what elevates it is the fact that this movie spent most of the second act taking the time to slow down and focus more of fleshing out the Avengers and showing their ideologies clashing once again. Which was refreshing after so many action scenes. But what really sold this movie for us was Ultron. Really, really complex and deep villain, but also still maintaining a child-like mentality—because he technically is one—and also having a generally wonderful appearance and great voice acting from James Spader. Also thank you, pokemonmanic, for pointing out that Ultron is just this beefy, naked, giant metal dude. As was Vision. Because that didn’t put images in my brain at all. I hate you. >__>12. Ant-Man: I can’t numerically rate this movie. Because I didn’t watch it. Not the whole thing, anyway. Halfway into the movie, I realized that it was a generic movie with generic side characters and a generic villain and generic comedy and generic CGI and a generic girlfriend and a generic mentor character played by a generic well-known actor all intertwined within a generic plot. Conveniently,
islethewolf contacted me and asked if we could voice chat. At first I told him no, because I didn’t wanna be distracted. But then I said “fuck it” and we talked about things and shiz. And as we spoke, Ant-Man was playing in the background, and I didn’t even try to pay attention to it. Because the stuff Isle and I talked about over on Discord was more meaningful, more impactful, and even more hysterical than this bland-ass bag of flour that calls itself a movie. So thank you, Isle, for sparing me from watching this boring-ass bag of blandness.13. Captain America: Civil War: Not as good as I remembered, but still good nonetheless. I loved the themes of this movie, about collateral damage and using scapegoats to justify your actions, and how it shows that just because the heroes save the day, it doesn’t exactly make them heroic. This movie really did put a new perspective on the overall tone of the superhero genre, without doing so in a dark and gritty way like Batman v. Superman and Man of Steel did. And we finally get to see the Avengers fighting each other, which was certainly new. At the same time though, some of the events that took place in this film, I felt was forced. It felt like certain characters had to do something stupid or had to turn off their brains in order for the villain to achieve everything he achieved. It didn’t bother me immensely, but it certainly damaged the quality of the movie. And the fact that the Avengers result in causing lots of destruction in a big fight scene, even though they wanna stop causing lots of destruction in a big fight scene, kinda makes everyone seem hypocritical. Oh well. Least we got Black Panther and Spider-Man thanks to this movie!
14. Doctor Strange: Goddamn it, another cliché boring-ass film! Guy is an asshole; guy gets injured; guy goes through training; guy becomes a superhero; mentor dies; lots of CGI; generic villain; generic side characters; forced humor that isn’t funny—I’m so sick of this! Okay, Benedict Cumberbatch does good acting here, as always. And in terms of visuals and special effects? Even though I saw Infinity War earlier today? This movie is hands down the best MCU film in terms of its visuals. Such a shame that it was all pissed away on yet another cardboard box film that isn’t memorable at all. Nothing about this movie stood out except for one poignant scene about life and death, Doctor Stephen Strange himself, and his sentient cape. That’s about it.
15. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: I don’t care if I’m being biased. This movie is and always will be an improvement over the original. Now yes, there’s too much humor in it—something I outright criticized upon my first viewing of this movie. But despite this movie being bigger and louder and full of more special effects? It’s also better than the original. The main villain is nowhere near as generic as Ronan, the special effects look superb, the soundtrack is awesome, and this movie took the time to flesh out the Guardians with their backstories and character development. Even Nebula and Yondu, who were originally just side characters, get loads of development here. And while the humor is a bit…too much at times, and sometimes some jokes last too long, I still laughed my ass off watching this movie, and all the excellent qualities removed all the issues I had with the humor to the point where it no longer bothered me. And don’t get me started on the ending, which had me crying like a little bitch again.
16. Spider-Man: Homecoming: Someone at Marvel must’ve been listening to me constantly whining about how cliché some superhero movies are. Now yes, it’s another Spider-Man movie. Hooray. I’m kinda sick of Spider-Man, but at least this is somewhat of a different spin on it. Tom Holland is adorably nerdy, and looks and sounds like a fifteen-year-old, Peter Parker is great as a high school student, and as Spider-Man, and Vulture was definitely a new take on the villains of the franchise. By far what elevated this movie was the fact that so many aspects of it are taken realistically, without making the movie ridiculously dark. And a reveal in the third act turned this film upside-down, and saved it from turning into another cliché, generic superhero film. Gotta give the movie props for that.
17. Thor: Ragnarok: HOW?! HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU WORSE THAN THOR: THE DARK WORLD?! There are almost no redeeming qualities to this film! The villain is generic and boring—AGAIN! The movie is trying so damn blatantly hard to be Guardians of the Galaxy that it’s pathetic! Oh sure, the movie’s all colorful and pretty, but the CGI is shit. Yes, the movie has a good soundtrack, but it all feels like it was thrown in as a cheap way to get the audience pumped for the movie. Sure, this movie isn’t bland and boring—I’ll give it that. Sure, this movie is having fun—I’ll give it that. Sure, Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum are hamming it up as the villains—I’ll give it that. But this movie is completely pointless! Lots of shit blows up, there’s lots of death, lots of shitty, shitty, shitty, predictable comedy, lots of improvisation, lots of shit! Just…just colorful shit everywhere! Thor is a plain, bare toilet. Thor: The Dark World is that same bare toilet, but someone is sitting on it taking a huge shit. Sure, something is happening, but it’s nothing most people enjoy. Thor: Ragnarok is someone shitting out skittles into said toilet, taking out the shit, and then cramming it down your fucking throat mixed with Mountain Dew! Just because you make a movie different from the two previously boring ones does not make it good! AT ALL! You need to make us care about the characters; you need to make us care about the plot; you need to make us feel tension when everyone is dying! You can’t just throw lots of hollow action, colorful effects, and humor in a film and say it’s good if there’s zero substance behind it! And if I wanna see Guardians of the Galaxy, I’d watch Guardians of the Galaxy, not your shitty-ass excuse of a Thor movie! The only thing redeeming about this movie other than the performances was Korg. He was fucking cute as all fuck, and his accent was smooth and adorable, and he was this giant cool-looking rock monster. He was basically a Teddy bear. Marvel literally put a rock golem of a Teddy bear in this movie. That alone deserves praise. And also, Hulk ass. You get to see Hulk’s giant, jiggly, bouncy ass for a brief moment. I even joked with Isle before seeing this movie and told him that at the bare minimum, this movie would get a 2/10, and each point goes to each of Hulk’s ass cheeks. Shame that ended up being the case!
18. Black Panther: Definitely fun and great. I love the immense world building throughout the first act of the film. Seeing Wakanda in all its beauty was incredible, as was learning about the country’s culture and seeing how things operated. I really like T’Challa’s sister; their chemistry together felt natural, and kinda reminded of how I act around my own sister. The supporting cast was fantastic, mainly Danai Gurira and Andy Serkis. And this movie hands down has one of the best villains throughout all of the MCU movies, played beautifully by Michael B. Jordan. It really is a shame that, for all this movie’s incredible qualities, it’s bogged down by how formulaic the entire third act was. Now no, I didn’t think the third act was stupid or awful. But it was so predictable that I immediately stopped caring about what was going to happen. Because I knew exactly how the movie would end. Nothing exactly that ruins the film, but it’s a little disappointing to see this movie go in such a different direction, only to circle around and say “NOPE! Same ol’ bullshit!”
All right everybody, that’s all of them! Now I know some of you are saying:
“BUT JT! WHAT ABOUT INFINITY WAR?!”
Oh yeah. That. What do I think about that film?
How do I view it overall?
What are my thoughts on this overhyped movie?
GUESS WHAT! I’M GONNA TELL YOU!
In another journal. :p
That’s right bitches. I’m pulling a Marvel on your asses.
You’re just gonna have to sit here with blue balls after I spent so much time and effort building all this shit up leading to this one journal. But no worries. I will be posting a full review on Infinity War within a few days.
Or maybe I’ll be an asshole and wait until next year. Like Marvel is doing.
We’ll see. XD
2018 Update: Burnt Out
General | Posted 7 years agoSo I’m burnt out. Hooray. And it’s Spring. Which means allergies and bees. Hooray.
Since people keep asking, even though I have it posted directly on my userpage in bold red letters, no. Commissions are not open. I don’t know if I’m ever going to open them again.
As I’ve told many people some time ago—commissioners mainly, I spent all of February frustrated and stressed. I came very close to having a mental breakdown. And my stress reached a point to where I became physically ill. I started getting a couple of migraines, and at one point, I ended up puking my guts out in the toilet. And I know it wasn’t stomach-related, because it only happened once—after that I felt better. The last time I got a stomach bug, I was sick for multiple days and had diarrhea as well. Since then I’ve been feeling better though physically, so yay.
As far as I know, I have four commissions left to do. Every other one I’ve had, I’ve either finished, or I cancelled them altogether and gave the commissioner a refund. I usually do not issue refunds unless the commissioner demands it or asks beforehand. But again, February pretty much cemented that I can’t keep doing commissions. For a very long time. I don’t know when or if I’m opening them again. Think I may just take off an entire year until I figure out what I wanna do. And with my job I have IRL, having to find my own place, and other real life priorities, I may as well focus more on that.
I don’t think I’m gonna be posting much on this website for a while. Um…making content here kinda feels like a chore as opposed to something I enjoy doing. It’s not even with commissions either; it kind of feels like if I come up with any nasty idea of my own, I don’t really have motivation to type it out. Because I write it, maybe I fap to it a couple times, and then that’s it. I don’t feel like I’m progressing on this website—it’s like, I make a raunchy story. People enjoy it and/or fap to it. And then that’s it. But for the past few months, I’ve been working on my own personal projects (some of you know about them) and I’ve felt much more gratification over them. I feel a lot happier making these other, longer, plot and character-driven stories that don’t focus on fetish material or porn material at all.
I think the biggest problem I have at this point, is that all of the stories I post here, I’m only doing for the sake of commissions (money) or because some raunchy idea has been nagging me for several days (and then it goes away if something else comes along or I just pump my dick for a good ten to fifteen minutes). I feel like I’m doing the same shit, over and over and over again, and I want to change. I need to change. Or else I’m gonna turn into Ubisoft or Call of Duty, making the same fucking thing over and over and over and over and over again, but with different characters and different scenery. Or worse, I’m gonna turn into The Walking Dead show; I’m gonna keep doing the same shit constantly and get bored. And then I’m gonna reach a point, where something incredibly stupid and fucking drastic happens (yes, I’m referring to Carl’s death), and then I’m gonna throw up my arms and scream “I’M DONE!” And I do not wanna reach that point.
I just don’t see how I’m going to excel in writing if I’m just writing the same shit constantly. I have nothing against people who enjoy the same thing; that’s fine. I mean I adore chubby, musky, flatulent dudes—that is never going to change, at all. But I feel like if I invest all of my writing skills here, on this particular website, all of my talent is going to get wasted. So many people have said that my writing is professional, that my stories are well-written, and that they adore them. And I’ve reached a point where I just wanna achieve more. I wanna write actual books that I can publish on Kindle, something people would see in a Barnes & Nobles store. I have already started working on my own couple of web novels that you can read for free.
“Oh, so you’re saying you’re better than us and you wanna wipe all your stink off your body?”
No, it’s quite the opposite. I actually wanna spread my stink to other venues. But I want other people to see that despite how raunchy my writing style can be, beneath all that filth and grime is an excellent writer who knows about world building and character development and plot progression, and so on. I don’t want to just be known as “that guy who wrote a bunch of scat stories on FA.” I wanna be known as “that guy who writes excellent stories despite said stories being bloated with smelly characters and/or gay characters and/or lots of characters constantly dying and/or lots of scatological humor.”
“So that means you’re leaving FA?”
That’s never going to happen because I do enjoy many of the artists that I’m watching, let alone the fact that this is one of the few websites I know about that has lots of content I enjoy. I’m never gonna leave FA unless something incredibly drastic happens. But I’m in the same boat that
JWolfsky is in right now. My hobby has become a chore, and it doesn’t make me happy anymore. All I wanna do is write stories that I wanna make, and enjoy making them while I’m writing. And I’m not really getting that here on FA anymore.
So yeah, I still don’t know when I’m opening commissions again. Or at all. I have some commissions I finished a while ago that I may post, not sure yet. I don’t know when I’ll end up releasing my own original story onto this website. …But yeah. This is what I’ve been dealing with for the past four or five months now. Figured I may as well let everyone know what’s been going on instead of being left in the dark.
Until next time.
Since people keep asking, even though I have it posted directly on my userpage in bold red letters, no. Commissions are not open. I don’t know if I’m ever going to open them again.
As I’ve told many people some time ago—commissioners mainly, I spent all of February frustrated and stressed. I came very close to having a mental breakdown. And my stress reached a point to where I became physically ill. I started getting a couple of migraines, and at one point, I ended up puking my guts out in the toilet. And I know it wasn’t stomach-related, because it only happened once—after that I felt better. The last time I got a stomach bug, I was sick for multiple days and had diarrhea as well. Since then I’ve been feeling better though physically, so yay.
As far as I know, I have four commissions left to do. Every other one I’ve had, I’ve either finished, or I cancelled them altogether and gave the commissioner a refund. I usually do not issue refunds unless the commissioner demands it or asks beforehand. But again, February pretty much cemented that I can’t keep doing commissions. For a very long time. I don’t know when or if I’m opening them again. Think I may just take off an entire year until I figure out what I wanna do. And with my job I have IRL, having to find my own place, and other real life priorities, I may as well focus more on that.
I don’t think I’m gonna be posting much on this website for a while. Um…making content here kinda feels like a chore as opposed to something I enjoy doing. It’s not even with commissions either; it kind of feels like if I come up with any nasty idea of my own, I don’t really have motivation to type it out. Because I write it, maybe I fap to it a couple times, and then that’s it. I don’t feel like I’m progressing on this website—it’s like, I make a raunchy story. People enjoy it and/or fap to it. And then that’s it. But for the past few months, I’ve been working on my own personal projects (some of you know about them) and I’ve felt much more gratification over them. I feel a lot happier making these other, longer, plot and character-driven stories that don’t focus on fetish material or porn material at all.
I think the biggest problem I have at this point, is that all of the stories I post here, I’m only doing for the sake of commissions (money) or because some raunchy idea has been nagging me for several days (and then it goes away if something else comes along or I just pump my dick for a good ten to fifteen minutes). I feel like I’m doing the same shit, over and over and over again, and I want to change. I need to change. Or else I’m gonna turn into Ubisoft or Call of Duty, making the same fucking thing over and over and over and over and over again, but with different characters and different scenery. Or worse, I’m gonna turn into The Walking Dead show; I’m gonna keep doing the same shit constantly and get bored. And then I’m gonna reach a point, where something incredibly stupid and fucking drastic happens (yes, I’m referring to Carl’s death), and then I’m gonna throw up my arms and scream “I’M DONE!” And I do not wanna reach that point.
I just don’t see how I’m going to excel in writing if I’m just writing the same shit constantly. I have nothing against people who enjoy the same thing; that’s fine. I mean I adore chubby, musky, flatulent dudes—that is never going to change, at all. But I feel like if I invest all of my writing skills here, on this particular website, all of my talent is going to get wasted. So many people have said that my writing is professional, that my stories are well-written, and that they adore them. And I’ve reached a point where I just wanna achieve more. I wanna write actual books that I can publish on Kindle, something people would see in a Barnes & Nobles store. I have already started working on my own couple of web novels that you can read for free.
“Oh, so you’re saying you’re better than us and you wanna wipe all your stink off your body?”
No, it’s quite the opposite. I actually wanna spread my stink to other venues. But I want other people to see that despite how raunchy my writing style can be, beneath all that filth and grime is an excellent writer who knows about world building and character development and plot progression, and so on. I don’t want to just be known as “that guy who wrote a bunch of scat stories on FA.” I wanna be known as “that guy who writes excellent stories despite said stories being bloated with smelly characters and/or gay characters and/or lots of characters constantly dying and/or lots of scatological humor.”
“So that means you’re leaving FA?”
That’s never going to happen because I do enjoy many of the artists that I’m watching, let alone the fact that this is one of the few websites I know about that has lots of content I enjoy. I’m never gonna leave FA unless something incredibly drastic happens. But I’m in the same boat that
JWolfsky is in right now. My hobby has become a chore, and it doesn’t make me happy anymore. All I wanna do is write stories that I wanna make, and enjoy making them while I’m writing. And I’m not really getting that here on FA anymore. So yeah, I still don’t know when I’m opening commissions again. Or at all. I have some commissions I finished a while ago that I may post, not sure yet. I don’t know when I’ll end up releasing my own original story onto this website. …But yeah. This is what I’ve been dealing with for the past four or five months now. Figured I may as well let everyone know what’s been going on instead of being left in the dark.
Until next time.
Shit From 2017
General | Posted 8 years agoSo here’s some shit that happened last year. Some good. Some bad. Some controversial. All related to media and forms of entertainment. I’m gonna talk about it now. There will be some spoilers for things.
GOOD SHIT:
1. Logan: Okay, to be honest? I’m kinda sick and tired of superhero films. I’m just sick of ‘em. But Logan was by far the one movie that I saw, and I enjoyed it. And then I thought about it more and more. And after much contemplation, I realized that Logan was a movie that I generally respect both for the direction it took and because in hindsight, it made me respect the X-Men film franchise as a whole. Yes, even that shitty X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the cheesy X-Men: Apocalypse movies. Because this just shows the good and the bad from a film franchise. You’re gonna have your ups. You’re gonna have your downs. The MCU franchise is consistently good and nothing else (save for a few exceptions). DCEU does not know what the fuck its doing. At all. We got Wonder Woman. That’s it. Everything else is either boring or shitty.
2. Fargo: Fargo once again shows the brutally dark, comedic, realistic consequences of what happens when you immediately think murder is the best solution. Not as good as Season 2, but I adore the villain and his pragmatic but malicious schemes.
3. Nintendo does what Nintendo does: Full disclosure: I do not have the Switch. I do not care. This is going on the GOOD SHIT list anyway. I’ve seen gameplay footage; I’ve seen reviews, heard commentary, blah blah blah. Nintendo continues to show us that they don’t just do the same shit over and over and over again. They keep the same formula, repackage it, enhance it, add new gimmicks to it, and continue to build upon it. That’s how a game franchise should work. Even when Mario Kart 8 came out on the Wii U, I willingly paid for that game’s DLC because it was optional. You didn’t need it to beat the damn game. Nintendo releases games THAT ARE FUCKING. FINISHED. So thank you, Nintendo. Thank you for not only admitting when you make mistakes, but for also pleasing the fans and caring more about the quality of your games, not the quantity of money you make.
4. Scott Cawthon: Okay, full disclosure: I have not played the Freddy Fazber Pizza Simulator game. I will. At some point. When I get the balls to jump into the franchise again. >__< Look, say what you will about Cawthon and FNaF. Cawthon is the Nintendo of indie developers. Yes, he has made some mistakes. But you can’t help but admire someone who releases a game that’s “bad” and then refunds everyone’s money, and then re-releases the game for free. And then, last year, after explaining he was having issues with making FNaF 6, he releases the damn game anyway. For free. And it’s completely different in tone and style compared to the first four.
5. The Dishonoured Wolf: So there’s this shitty dick-sucking furfag on YouTube who likes to whine and bitch about shit all the damn time, like that ass-monkey I Hate Everything. The shocker here, is that his videos do not suck dick! They’re actually very informative and thought-provoking about society and the state of the cesspool known as the shitty-ass video game and movie industry. And America in general. I adore his videos. A lot. Subscribe to his channel and he’ll give you a nasty-ass rimjob for free! (Hopefully The Dishonoured Wolf will not sue me for trying to imitate him. >__<)
6. Coco: Sooooooooooooo yeah. Pixar is back. That probably isn’t saying much since last year had a shit-load of bad animated movies, but this was one that I fully adored in every aspect and every way. The animation, the characters, the style, the colorful imagery and backgrounds, the music, and the fact that this movie actually had me crying for over five minutes straight. By far the best animated film of last year.
7. pokemonmanic3595 made me watch a bunch of animated movies: So I finally saw Wreck-It Ralph last year. And The LEGO Movie. And Up. Aaaaaaaaand Frozen. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Inside Out. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…
8. IsleTheWolf sent me Kingdom Hearts: So I’m not finished with the game (and do not spoil me about it), but this is basically equivalent to Super Mario RPG, but with Disney characters. And I thoroughly enjoy it. Some levels I like more than others (fuck Tarzen Land) but the game has gotten progressively better the further along I go. And I can do stuff most RPGs won’t allow you to do. I CAN JUMP AND CLIMB ON SHIT!
9. Ivy dies in American Horror Story: Cult: You have no idea how thrilled Pokemonmanic and I were when we saw this cunt die on-screen. AHS is known for having hateable characters, but at least they have a tragic backstory, or they’re cool, or something. Not Ivy. Ivy was just a cunt who was hypocritical and only cared about herself, and had no problem mentally torturing her own wife. So when Ally poisoned the cunt over dinner, Pokemonmanic and I turned into children waking up on Christmas Day.
10. Season 4 of BoJack Horseman: So Pokemonmanic and I stayed up all night one night and binged the entire season of this show. And as always, it never disappointed. Made us laugh a lot, made us contemplate life (again), it shocked and surprised us, etc. Surprisingly nothing happened that was enough to drive us to tears. There was one bit at the end of a certain episode that left us speechless for about five minutes though. Gotta love how Netflix is responsible for both this and Trollhunters, two animated shows that everyone should watch.
So some more good shit happened. But this is the Internet. No one cares about that. All that matters are all the bad shit! Let’s get into that!
BAD SHIT:
1. Hollywood is plagued with sexual harassers and rapists: Do I seriously need to expand on this? >__> Also apparently only men rape and sexually harass people. Clearly women don’t rape people or sexually grope other men or women. Clearly. Clearly that never, ever, fucking happens.
2. Triple-A Games: I don’t think I’ve bought a new game since Star Fox Zero. And after last year, I now know why. So many games are plagued with microtransactions and loot boxes and all this other bullshit. There used to be a time where you make a game and you care about the quality of it. Now it’s just, “make a dull, or shitty game so we can make more money to make another dull, or shitty game.” And it’s frustrating, because there have been good games that came out last year. But so many of them were overshadowed by all these Triple-A, money-grubbing bullshit games. The best game(s) I played last year except for KH were Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number. What does that tell you?.
3. Death Note (2017): A movie that shows that even Netflix can pump out atrocious shit. Everything bad that has been said about this movie has been covered on YouTube. This movie made me feel bad for disliking the Ghost in the Shell adaptation. At the very least, that movie respected its fanbase, that movie had a tragic and cool villain, that movie had good acting in it, and that movie had a very slick, stylish world to it. Death Note has Willem Dafoe playing Ryuk. That is it. This movie was so shitty that when I was at the climax and I only had sixteen minutes left, I stopped watching it.
4. Online death threats: Again, don’t need to elaborate. People have sent death threats to people like Scott Gimple, Rian Johnson, and even someone who announced that FFXV would be delayed a month. People. It’s a game/movie/TV show. Calm your ass down. If you wanna rant, sure. Go ahead. But threatening to kill someone or hoping that they die horribly? My god people. >__>
5. Carl got bit by a Walker: “AW MAH GAWD! Y U SPOIL TEH WALKING BUTTS?! D:” Yes, I spoiled Season 8 of The Walking Dead. Don’t give a fuck. Carl’s “death” was underwhelming. His alleged reason for getting bit is stupid. Everything about Season 8 of The Walking Dead is fucking stupid and repetitive. I’ve defended this show for seven years. I’ve defended a lot of shit people tend to complain about with this show. Can’t do it anymore. And honestly, if you’re complaining about the spoilers, what the hell am I spoiling?! That’s all this fucking show is! THAT’S ALL THIS FRANCHISE IS! IT’S THE SAME! SHIT! I can’t even defend the games anymore; Season 3 of The Walking Dead game was shit and I didn’t care about anyone but Clementine! The comics, while I’ve heard they’re good, seems like it will never, ever end. Ever! It’s just—this is what this franchise is! There’s a group of characters! There’s a bunch of zombies! Angst happens! People die! Then more angst happens then more people die! THERE’S NOTHING TO SPOIL! IT’S THE SAME! FUCKING! THING!
6. Did not get to see The Shape of Water: This is kind of a nitpick of 2017 to be honest. But this was a movie that, after talking to Pokemonmanic quite a bit, I really wanted to see. And I couldn’t. Because it was only playing in two theaters in my entire state. I don’t like this kind of practice in Hollywood. This is discouraging film directors from making their own personal projects. Because then no one will see their precious movies, and then it won’t make money, and then when they try to make another movie, the studios don’t fund them because they say “welp, your movie won’t make enough money with regular moviegoers, so we won’t make your movie!” I’m so sick of this! I’m so sick and tired of all these over-hyped fucking films like Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League and fucking The Emoji Movie making shit-tons of money while low-budget films like The Shape of Water and Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Wind River get ignored! And on that note…
7. The Emoji Movie: This movie has decent animation. That’s the only compliment I will give it. This movie is everything wrong in terms of animation. Pandering to SJWs in a horrible way, constant memes and references, not being funny, bad lines, showing off a bunch of Internet ads and everything that’s trending and popular, blah blah blah. And of course, it makes money. Because of course, people will see it. Because of course.
8. Winter dies in American Horror Story: Cult: FFFFFFFFFFUCK! WHY?! WHY WINTER?! D: I wasn’t a huge fan of Billie Lourd in Scream Queens, but she was one of the few good things about that show. In AHS, I absolutely adored her character and her relationship with Kai and her role within the cult. I loved Billie Lourd’s acting. I even loved her attire, surprisingly. So naturally, because this is AHS, she dies. And of course it’s Ally’s fault. And of course, Ally gets away with it. Because Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk are unable to kill Sarah Paulson unless it’s the Roanoke season. Damn you. >__>
Okay, so that’s it I suppose. Lots of other stuff happened. John Wick: Chapter 2 and Get Out happened. A bunch of shitty horror movies happened. Some other well-made indie games happened. Darren Aronofsky made a movie about mother earth or some shit that I actually enjoyed (except the third act, which was absolute garbage). And there was some space opera with some people who use giant laser blade weapons or some shit. I forgot the name of it. Guess it’s not important.
I’m sure everyone wants me to get back to working on commissions and stories anyway, so I’ll do that now.
It’s 2018 everybody. Whoo and shit. Probably gonna be better than last year.
Or shittier.
Or the same.
Or whatever.
GOOD SHIT:
1. Logan: Okay, to be honest? I’m kinda sick and tired of superhero films. I’m just sick of ‘em. But Logan was by far the one movie that I saw, and I enjoyed it. And then I thought about it more and more. And after much contemplation, I realized that Logan was a movie that I generally respect both for the direction it took and because in hindsight, it made me respect the X-Men film franchise as a whole. Yes, even that shitty X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the cheesy X-Men: Apocalypse movies. Because this just shows the good and the bad from a film franchise. You’re gonna have your ups. You’re gonna have your downs. The MCU franchise is consistently good and nothing else (save for a few exceptions). DCEU does not know what the fuck its doing. At all. We got Wonder Woman. That’s it. Everything else is either boring or shitty.
2. Fargo: Fargo once again shows the brutally dark, comedic, realistic consequences of what happens when you immediately think murder is the best solution. Not as good as Season 2, but I adore the villain and his pragmatic but malicious schemes.
3. Nintendo does what Nintendo does: Full disclosure: I do not have the Switch. I do not care. This is going on the GOOD SHIT list anyway. I’ve seen gameplay footage; I’ve seen reviews, heard commentary, blah blah blah. Nintendo continues to show us that they don’t just do the same shit over and over and over again. They keep the same formula, repackage it, enhance it, add new gimmicks to it, and continue to build upon it. That’s how a game franchise should work. Even when Mario Kart 8 came out on the Wii U, I willingly paid for that game’s DLC because it was optional. You didn’t need it to beat the damn game. Nintendo releases games THAT ARE FUCKING. FINISHED. So thank you, Nintendo. Thank you for not only admitting when you make mistakes, but for also pleasing the fans and caring more about the quality of your games, not the quantity of money you make.
4. Scott Cawthon: Okay, full disclosure: I have not played the Freddy Fazber Pizza Simulator game. I will. At some point. When I get the balls to jump into the franchise again. >__< Look, say what you will about Cawthon and FNaF. Cawthon is the Nintendo of indie developers. Yes, he has made some mistakes. But you can’t help but admire someone who releases a game that’s “bad” and then refunds everyone’s money, and then re-releases the game for free. And then, last year, after explaining he was having issues with making FNaF 6, he releases the damn game anyway. For free. And it’s completely different in tone and style compared to the first four.
5. The Dishonoured Wolf: So there’s this shitty dick-sucking furfag on YouTube who likes to whine and bitch about shit all the damn time, like that ass-monkey I Hate Everything. The shocker here, is that his videos do not suck dick! They’re actually very informative and thought-provoking about society and the state of the cesspool known as the shitty-ass video game and movie industry. And America in general. I adore his videos. A lot. Subscribe to his channel and he’ll give you a nasty-ass rimjob for free! (Hopefully The Dishonoured Wolf will not sue me for trying to imitate him. >__<)
6. Coco: Sooooooooooooo yeah. Pixar is back. That probably isn’t saying much since last year had a shit-load of bad animated movies, but this was one that I fully adored in every aspect and every way. The animation, the characters, the style, the colorful imagery and backgrounds, the music, and the fact that this movie actually had me crying for over five minutes straight. By far the best animated film of last year.
7.
pokemonmanic3595 made me watch a bunch of animated movies: So I finally saw Wreck-It Ralph last year. And The LEGO Movie. And Up. Aaaaaaaaand Frozen. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Inside Out. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…8.
IsleTheWolf sent me Kingdom Hearts: So I’m not finished with the game (and do not spoil me about it), but this is basically equivalent to Super Mario RPG, but with Disney characters. And I thoroughly enjoy it. Some levels I like more than others (fuck Tarzen Land) but the game has gotten progressively better the further along I go. And I can do stuff most RPGs won’t allow you to do. I CAN JUMP AND CLIMB ON SHIT!9. Ivy dies in American Horror Story: Cult: You have no idea how thrilled Pokemonmanic and I were when we saw this cunt die on-screen. AHS is known for having hateable characters, but at least they have a tragic backstory, or they’re cool, or something. Not Ivy. Ivy was just a cunt who was hypocritical and only cared about herself, and had no problem mentally torturing her own wife. So when Ally poisoned the cunt over dinner, Pokemonmanic and I turned into children waking up on Christmas Day.
10. Season 4 of BoJack Horseman: So Pokemonmanic and I stayed up all night one night and binged the entire season of this show. And as always, it never disappointed. Made us laugh a lot, made us contemplate life (again), it shocked and surprised us, etc. Surprisingly nothing happened that was enough to drive us to tears. There was one bit at the end of a certain episode that left us speechless for about five minutes though. Gotta love how Netflix is responsible for both this and Trollhunters, two animated shows that everyone should watch.
So some more good shit happened. But this is the Internet. No one cares about that. All that matters are all the bad shit! Let’s get into that!
BAD SHIT:
1. Hollywood is plagued with sexual harassers and rapists: Do I seriously need to expand on this? >__> Also apparently only men rape and sexually harass people. Clearly women don’t rape people or sexually grope other men or women. Clearly. Clearly that never, ever, fucking happens.
2. Triple-A Games: I don’t think I’ve bought a new game since Star Fox Zero. And after last year, I now know why. So many games are plagued with microtransactions and loot boxes and all this other bullshit. There used to be a time where you make a game and you care about the quality of it. Now it’s just, “make a dull, or shitty game so we can make more money to make another dull, or shitty game.” And it’s frustrating, because there have been good games that came out last year. But so many of them were overshadowed by all these Triple-A, money-grubbing bullshit games. The best game(s) I played last year except for KH were Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number. What does that tell you?.
3. Death Note (2017): A movie that shows that even Netflix can pump out atrocious shit. Everything bad that has been said about this movie has been covered on YouTube. This movie made me feel bad for disliking the Ghost in the Shell adaptation. At the very least, that movie respected its fanbase, that movie had a tragic and cool villain, that movie had good acting in it, and that movie had a very slick, stylish world to it. Death Note has Willem Dafoe playing Ryuk. That is it. This movie was so shitty that when I was at the climax and I only had sixteen minutes left, I stopped watching it.
4. Online death threats: Again, don’t need to elaborate. People have sent death threats to people like Scott Gimple, Rian Johnson, and even someone who announced that FFXV would be delayed a month. People. It’s a game/movie/TV show. Calm your ass down. If you wanna rant, sure. Go ahead. But threatening to kill someone or hoping that they die horribly? My god people. >__>
5. Carl got bit by a Walker: “AW MAH GAWD! Y U SPOIL TEH WALKING BUTTS?! D:” Yes, I spoiled Season 8 of The Walking Dead. Don’t give a fuck. Carl’s “death” was underwhelming. His alleged reason for getting bit is stupid. Everything about Season 8 of The Walking Dead is fucking stupid and repetitive. I’ve defended this show for seven years. I’ve defended a lot of shit people tend to complain about with this show. Can’t do it anymore. And honestly, if you’re complaining about the spoilers, what the hell am I spoiling?! That’s all this fucking show is! THAT’S ALL THIS FRANCHISE IS! IT’S THE SAME! SHIT! I can’t even defend the games anymore; Season 3 of The Walking Dead game was shit and I didn’t care about anyone but Clementine! The comics, while I’ve heard they’re good, seems like it will never, ever end. Ever! It’s just—this is what this franchise is! There’s a group of characters! There’s a bunch of zombies! Angst happens! People die! Then more angst happens then more people die! THERE’S NOTHING TO SPOIL! IT’S THE SAME! FUCKING! THING!
6. Did not get to see The Shape of Water: This is kind of a nitpick of 2017 to be honest. But this was a movie that, after talking to Pokemonmanic quite a bit, I really wanted to see. And I couldn’t. Because it was only playing in two theaters in my entire state. I don’t like this kind of practice in Hollywood. This is discouraging film directors from making their own personal projects. Because then no one will see their precious movies, and then it won’t make money, and then when they try to make another movie, the studios don’t fund them because they say “welp, your movie won’t make enough money with regular moviegoers, so we won’t make your movie!” I’m so sick of this! I’m so sick and tired of all these over-hyped fucking films like Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League and fucking The Emoji Movie making shit-tons of money while low-budget films like The Shape of Water and Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Wind River get ignored! And on that note…
7. The Emoji Movie: This movie has decent animation. That’s the only compliment I will give it. This movie is everything wrong in terms of animation. Pandering to SJWs in a horrible way, constant memes and references, not being funny, bad lines, showing off a bunch of Internet ads and everything that’s trending and popular, blah blah blah. And of course, it makes money. Because of course, people will see it. Because of course.
8. Winter dies in American Horror Story: Cult: FFFFFFFFFFUCK! WHY?! WHY WINTER?! D: I wasn’t a huge fan of Billie Lourd in Scream Queens, but she was one of the few good things about that show. In AHS, I absolutely adored her character and her relationship with Kai and her role within the cult. I loved Billie Lourd’s acting. I even loved her attire, surprisingly. So naturally, because this is AHS, she dies. And of course it’s Ally’s fault. And of course, Ally gets away with it. Because Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk are unable to kill Sarah Paulson unless it’s the Roanoke season. Damn you. >__>
Okay, so that’s it I suppose. Lots of other stuff happened. John Wick: Chapter 2 and Get Out happened. A bunch of shitty horror movies happened. Some other well-made indie games happened. Darren Aronofsky made a movie about mother earth or some shit that I actually enjoyed (except the third act, which was absolute garbage). And there was some space opera with some people who use giant laser blade weapons or some shit. I forgot the name of it. Guess it’s not important.
I’m sure everyone wants me to get back to working on commissions and stories anyway, so I’ll do that now.
It’s 2018 everybody. Whoo and shit. Probably gonna be better than last year.
Or shittier.
Or the same.
Or whatever.
Commissions Closed Indefinitely
General | Posted 8 years agoRight. So as of this moment, I'm closing commissions. Not sure when they'll be open again, but I seriously need to work on my current queue before I consider taking anymore. It's getting to a point where someone is asking for a new commission almost every week while I'm still trying to get through the old ones. Not helping is that a couple of these new commissioners can't handle waiting more than two days without asking me for a new update (you know damn well who you are) whilst I've had people who have been waiting for months without saying a word and are still very grateful whenever they receive an update from me, despite how long they've waited.
And of course there's the whole "I'm in college and working between 25-40 hours per week" thing....
So yeah, not taking anymore commissions right now. There have been a couple people whose commissions I said I'd do sometime ago; I'll PM you guys and see whether or not you're still up for it. Everyone else will have to wait. And of course, everyone who has already paid has nothing to worry about; I'll get to your stories. The fact I'm no longer taking new ones just means I'll get to them much faster now.
And of course there's the whole "I'm in college and working between 25-40 hours per week" thing....
So yeah, not taking anymore commissions right now. There have been a couple people whose commissions I said I'd do sometime ago; I'll PM you guys and see whether or not you're still up for it. Everyone else will have to wait. And of course, everyone who has already paid has nothing to worry about; I'll get to your stories. The fact I'm no longer taking new ones just means I'll get to them much faster now.
September Update 2 / 2017
General | Posted 8 years agoSo hurricanes avoided us. Everyone in my area is okay; the worst that happened were some people in the area lost power for a few hours and trees fell over. But no one died or got injured. Nothing too major.
Saw Wind River some days ago. Was a very, very good movie, and somewhat underrated by the looks of it. Still haven't seen IT yet. May rectify that in the next few days. Also been watching Black Mirror on Netflix. It's a very disturbing, and sadly realistic, futuristic series about the "dangers" of media and how society relies on technology too much. Also there's a trash-talking blue bear in it. That's never bad.
Finally got a lockdown on a schedule of sorts with all my work. I've been using this technique where I basically work on a commission for thirty minutes, then do college work for thirty minutes, then read stories, play games, do other miscellaneous stuff for thirty minutes. It's actually been helping me quite a bit; I've been focusing a lot more, and been getting stories done faster and reading huge chunks of stories at a time. Most importantly, it doesn't feel like I'm being overloaded with work. I actually manage to pump out 1000 words sometimes in every thirty-minute phase.
I'm also debating on closing commissions, which probably may end up happening by November, possibly sooner. There's just too much stuff going on and I already have quite a few stories I need to get done already, on top of college. May just be better to close 'em temporarily until I get more stuff sorted out.
Anyway, that's about it. Just wanted to let you all know I'm all right and that I'm getting a better fix on finishing all the stories and other things on my To-Do list.
Until next time.
Saw Wind River some days ago. Was a very, very good movie, and somewhat underrated by the looks of it. Still haven't seen IT yet. May rectify that in the next few days. Also been watching Black Mirror on Netflix. It's a very disturbing, and sadly realistic, futuristic series about the "dangers" of media and how society relies on technology too much. Also there's a trash-talking blue bear in it. That's never bad.
Finally got a lockdown on a schedule of sorts with all my work. I've been using this technique where I basically work on a commission for thirty minutes, then do college work for thirty minutes, then read stories, play games, do other miscellaneous stuff for thirty minutes. It's actually been helping me quite a bit; I've been focusing a lot more, and been getting stories done faster and reading huge chunks of stories at a time. Most importantly, it doesn't feel like I'm being overloaded with work. I actually manage to pump out 1000 words sometimes in every thirty-minute phase.
I'm also debating on closing commissions, which probably may end up happening by November, possibly sooner. There's just too much stuff going on and I already have quite a few stories I need to get done already, on top of college. May just be better to close 'em temporarily until I get more stuff sorted out.
Anyway, that's about it. Just wanted to let you all know I'm all right and that I'm getting a better fix on finishing all the stories and other things on my To-Do list.
Until next time.
September Update / 2017
General | Posted 8 years agoAnd it's September. Whoo and rain and such.
There's a lot of stuff going on. Hurricane Harvey. And Irma. And North Korea nukes. And Trump as president. And more forgettable movies in the theaters, with the exception of the IT remake. There really is nothing anyone can say to change what's happening. There really is nothing anyone can do to prevent what's happening.
All we can really do is just prepare for what may or may not happen. All we can really do is take shelter, donate money to charities to help out the people who have been affected by these hurricanes, and just hope for the best really.
Unless you don't live in America or its surrounding islands. In which case, you probably haven't been affected by the hurricanes and this will probably be irrelevant to you. Still, feel free to help out or donate if you want to.
If North Korea decides to nuke us, eh. Whatever. Fuck it. We can't really do anything to prevent that. And I'm sure the rest of the world will destroy North Korea in retaliation. Who knows.
Things may happen. Things may not happen. But it's not good to go around spreading fear all over the place. Like the news does. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Do not watch or read the news unless it's Fark.com. Because that website reports more than just clickbait drama and fear-raising articles. And because their headlines can be both obscure and hysterical.
Eh. There's really nothing else to talk about. Nothing I really have time to talk about. Haven't done much that doesn't center around my college assignments or delving more into all the commissions I need to work on.
Just stay safe everybody....that's all I can say at the moment.
Stay safe.
There's a lot of stuff going on. Hurricane Harvey. And Irma. And North Korea nukes. And Trump as president. And more forgettable movies in the theaters, with the exception of the IT remake. There really is nothing anyone can say to change what's happening. There really is nothing anyone can do to prevent what's happening.
All we can really do is just prepare for what may or may not happen. All we can really do is take shelter, donate money to charities to help out the people who have been affected by these hurricanes, and just hope for the best really.
Unless you don't live in America or its surrounding islands. In which case, you probably haven't been affected by the hurricanes and this will probably be irrelevant to you. Still, feel free to help out or donate if you want to.
If North Korea decides to nuke us, eh. Whatever. Fuck it. We can't really do anything to prevent that. And I'm sure the rest of the world will destroy North Korea in retaliation. Who knows.
Things may happen. Things may not happen. But it's not good to go around spreading fear all over the place. Like the news does. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Do not watch or read the news unless it's Fark.com. Because that website reports more than just clickbait drama and fear-raising articles. And because their headlines can be both obscure and hysterical.
Eh. There's really nothing else to talk about. Nothing I really have time to talk about. Haven't done much that doesn't center around my college assignments or delving more into all the commissions I need to work on.
Just stay safe everybody....that's all I can say at the moment.
Stay safe.
August Update / 2017
General | Posted 8 years agoAnd it’s August. Whoo. Yay. Balls and such.
Until college is over, these update journals are gonna be a lot shorter than usual. Don’t got as much time to chat about things and shiz.
So college has started. Whoo and yay. It hasn’t been overwhelming lately; it’s only been just the first week. So right now I’m on top of it. Doesn’t mean it won’t get more frustrating later on. I already was on the verge of murdering someone because I couldn’t figure out how to solve a minute issue with a program. So that was fun.
Finished watching The Defenders. Better than Iron Fist. About as good as Jessica Jones, probably a bit better actually.
I’m probably not going to the theater again for a long-ass time. Animal Crackers got pushed back indefinitely, so as of now? Nothing else I care about except maybe the IT remake, and Justice League: Part 1. There are maybe three other movies, like Kingsman: The Golden Circle, but that’s it. …Of course. The only good movies I can think of are another remake, and another one of those overhyped superhero movies that’s part of another one of those overhyped, machine-driven shared universe bullshit things. Such is Hollywood.
Working on commissions and things and stuff. Been trying to get my sleep under control. Somewhat doing better on eating healthier. Not eating processed meat every morning. Now I’m just eating fruit smothered in pesticides and cheese loaded with fat. Hooray.
Yeah. That’s it. Been working on college shiz. Been doing work on commissions. Been reading some of the books I’ve bought for my Kindle program. That’s about it.
Until next time.
Until college is over, these update journals are gonna be a lot shorter than usual. Don’t got as much time to chat about things and shiz.
So college has started. Whoo and yay. It hasn’t been overwhelming lately; it’s only been just the first week. So right now I’m on top of it. Doesn’t mean it won’t get more frustrating later on. I already was on the verge of murdering someone because I couldn’t figure out how to solve a minute issue with a program. So that was fun.
Finished watching The Defenders. Better than Iron Fist. About as good as Jessica Jones, probably a bit better actually.
I’m probably not going to the theater again for a long-ass time. Animal Crackers got pushed back indefinitely, so as of now? Nothing else I care about except maybe the IT remake, and Justice League: Part 1. There are maybe three other movies, like Kingsman: The Golden Circle, but that’s it. …Of course. The only good movies I can think of are another remake, and another one of those overhyped superhero movies that’s part of another one of those overhyped, machine-driven shared universe bullshit things. Such is Hollywood.
Working on commissions and things and stuff. Been trying to get my sleep under control. Somewhat doing better on eating healthier. Not eating processed meat every morning. Now I’m just eating fruit smothered in pesticides and cheese loaded with fat. Hooray.
Yeah. That’s it. Been working on college shiz. Been doing work on commissions. Been reading some of the books I’ve bought for my Kindle program. That’s about it.
Until next time.
One Sentence Review: The Nut Job 2
General | Posted 8 years agoA very, very, very cliché, but ultimately harmless and decent kids movie.
Alternatively......
This is what Norm of the North SHOULD have done.
Alternatively......
Go watch it because it's not The Emoji Movie.
RATING: 6/10
Was gonna do a full review of the movie, but currently caught up doing a lot of other shiz right now, so had to cut it down to one sentence. It's not better or worse than The Nut Job to be honest. If you hate The Nut Job, you obviously won't like this one. If you liked/tolerated the first movie, you'll like/tolerate this movie. The biggest problem with the first movie was that almost nobody was likable, except for Buddy. In this movie, thankfully, most of the characters aren't so mean-spirited.
Sadly, this came at the cost of the plot, because the plot is this movie is nothing special. There are no cheap tricks, or twists, or turns, or anything. It's straightforward. It's cliché. It's nothing new. It's been done before. You have to understand though..........2017 has been a shit year for animated films. We have The LEGO Batman Movie, which came out in February, and Captain Underpants, which was vastly overlooked.
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
Honestly, considering how much movie tickets cost, you can probably skip this and wait until the DVD comes out, or at least see this movie early in the morning where it's only six or seven dollars. This movie is about as enjoyable as The Secret Life of Pets, right down to this movie having an over-the-top badass adorable little fluffy white-furred critter. Make what you will of that.
Did I need to see this movie in theaters? No. But this is literally my last weekend before college starts, and nothing I wanna see is out now, except Atomic Blonde, which I saw already. And, again, this has been a shitty year for animated movies. I'm grasping for straws at this point.
And y'know, sometimes I go to movies knowing they probably won't be all that good. But if I come out the theater saying "Y'know, that movie wasn't great, but it was fun," then that's really all that matters.
Atomic Blonde is a poorly-written spy flick. But it was very stylish and fun.
The Nut Job 2 is a bland, cliché animated film about saving the environment. But the animation is slick for its budget and the absurd amount of carnage that ensued in the film was fun.
Sometimes, all I want is fun.
But fun does not equal good.
Alternatively......
This is what Norm of the North SHOULD have done.
Alternatively......
Go watch it because it's not The Emoji Movie.
RATING: 6/10
Was gonna do a full review of the movie, but currently caught up doing a lot of other shiz right now, so had to cut it down to one sentence. It's not better or worse than The Nut Job to be honest. If you hate The Nut Job, you obviously won't like this one. If you liked/tolerated the first movie, you'll like/tolerate this movie. The biggest problem with the first movie was that almost nobody was likable, except for Buddy. In this movie, thankfully, most of the characters aren't so mean-spirited.
Sadly, this came at the cost of the plot, because the plot is this movie is nothing special. There are no cheap tricks, or twists, or turns, or anything. It's straightforward. It's cliché. It's nothing new. It's been done before. You have to understand though..........2017 has been a shit year for animated films. We have The LEGO Batman Movie, which came out in February, and Captain Underpants, which was vastly overlooked.
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
Honestly, considering how much movie tickets cost, you can probably skip this and wait until the DVD comes out, or at least see this movie early in the morning where it's only six or seven dollars. This movie is about as enjoyable as The Secret Life of Pets, right down to this movie having an over-the-top badass adorable little fluffy white-furred critter. Make what you will of that.
Did I need to see this movie in theaters? No. But this is literally my last weekend before college starts, and nothing I wanna see is out now, except Atomic Blonde, which I saw already. And, again, this has been a shitty year for animated movies. I'm grasping for straws at this point.
And y'know, sometimes I go to movies knowing they probably won't be all that good. But if I come out the theater saying "Y'know, that movie wasn't great, but it was fun," then that's really all that matters.
Atomic Blonde is a poorly-written spy flick. But it was very stylish and fun.
The Nut Job 2 is a bland, cliché animated film about saving the environment. But the animation is slick for its budget and the absurd amount of carnage that ensued in the film was fun.
Sometimes, all I want is fun.
But fun does not equal good.
July Update / 2017
General | Posted 8 years agoYes, July ends in three days. This still counts as a monthly update because it’s still July. So yeah. >__<
So gonna be a quick update, due to busy tasks and other shiz I gotta do today.
Basically I’ve spent this whole month flip-flopping back and forth between having bursts of energy in terms of writing and stuff at my job IRL, and repeatedly crashing and being unable to focus. And it’s not that I’m unable to type or anything like that, or it’s not like as soon as I start typing, I just freeze. The main issue is starting. As soon as I start typing whatever I’m typing, I’m good for a solid two hours, if not more. And occasionally I’ll possibly pass out or end up taking a nap or something. I think I’ve hit a point where I’m fully crashing, probably because of the fact that college is starting back in a few weeks. I feel like I hit a point where I’m basically realizing that I bit on more than I could chew. And it’s more or less smothering me at this point. I basically had to just ignore everything on my To-Do list so I could spend a week playing Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number, just so I could take a break.
But I beat both of those games now, so from this point on, I’m gonna focus more on writing and reading and trying to finish as much as I can until college starts. And even after college starts, I’ll still keep typing and making stories. Because that’s what I do.
There really is not much of anything else to talk about of importance that isn’t related to the media. Uh, I saw War For the Planet of the Apes. It was fine. It’s not great though, honestly, and it’s my least favorite in the whole Apes prequel trilogy. Dawn was vastly better. I saw Baby Driver. More than likely gonna be one of the best movies I’ve seen this whole year. I’m not gonna get into movies and media right now, because I feel like I need to make an entirely separate journal explaining storytelling and marketing and what art is. The only reason why I’m mentioning this is because The Emoji Movie recently came out. And at this point…this isn’t funny anymore. It’s just not. It’s not.
I’ve reached a point where…where I’m genuinely considering buying Norm of the North on DVD. I’m not even joking. I’m tempted to buy this movie, because that movie had some level of effort put into it. It was minimal as shit, but there was effort put into it. The Emoji Movie exists because money. And that’s it. Even if this movie wasn’t made just for money, pretty much everyone would look at it and say:
“This is just a diet version of Inside Out.”
So yeah. Between my various highs and lows, my fucked-up sleeping schedule, having to work over 30+ hours per week, knowing I have a plethora of commissions to finish, knowing college starts up in about three weeks, I’m not entirely in the best of moods right now. Who knows. May be feeling better by next week. I’m not really depressed or anything. Just stressed.
Like I always am.
Anyway, until next time.
So gonna be a quick update, due to busy tasks and other shiz I gotta do today.
Basically I’ve spent this whole month flip-flopping back and forth between having bursts of energy in terms of writing and stuff at my job IRL, and repeatedly crashing and being unable to focus. And it’s not that I’m unable to type or anything like that, or it’s not like as soon as I start typing, I just freeze. The main issue is starting. As soon as I start typing whatever I’m typing, I’m good for a solid two hours, if not more. And occasionally I’ll possibly pass out or end up taking a nap or something. I think I’ve hit a point where I’m fully crashing, probably because of the fact that college is starting back in a few weeks. I feel like I hit a point where I’m basically realizing that I bit on more than I could chew. And it’s more or less smothering me at this point. I basically had to just ignore everything on my To-Do list so I could spend a week playing Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number, just so I could take a break.
But I beat both of those games now, so from this point on, I’m gonna focus more on writing and reading and trying to finish as much as I can until college starts. And even after college starts, I’ll still keep typing and making stories. Because that’s what I do.
There really is not much of anything else to talk about of importance that isn’t related to the media. Uh, I saw War For the Planet of the Apes. It was fine. It’s not great though, honestly, and it’s my least favorite in the whole Apes prequel trilogy. Dawn was vastly better. I saw Baby Driver. More than likely gonna be one of the best movies I’ve seen this whole year. I’m not gonna get into movies and media right now, because I feel like I need to make an entirely separate journal explaining storytelling and marketing and what art is. The only reason why I’m mentioning this is because The Emoji Movie recently came out. And at this point…this isn’t funny anymore. It’s just not. It’s not.
I’ve reached a point where…where I’m genuinely considering buying Norm of the North on DVD. I’m not even joking. I’m tempted to buy this movie, because that movie had some level of effort put into it. It was minimal as shit, but there was effort put into it. The Emoji Movie exists because money. And that’s it. Even if this movie wasn’t made just for money, pretty much everyone would look at it and say:
“This is just a diet version of Inside Out.”
So yeah. Between my various highs and lows, my fucked-up sleeping schedule, having to work over 30+ hours per week, knowing I have a plethora of commissions to finish, knowing college starts up in about three weeks, I’m not entirely in the best of moods right now. Who knows. May be feeling better by next week. I’m not really depressed or anything. Just stressed.
Like I always am.
Anyway, until next time.
Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters Review
General | Posted 8 years agoIt’s Blow Shit Up Day. What better way to celebrate that than by blowing shit up? Easy!
By talking about a mediocre blowy-shitty-uppy game.
RATING: 5/10
So we’re onto the fifth installment of the franchise. As Transformers, Pirates of the Caribbean, Die Hard, the Star Wars films, and Game of Thrones will tell you, the fifth entry is always the best one. Clearly.
The plot’s simple. Ratchet and Clank are on vacation in Pokitaru. A little girl wants to photograph Ratchet destroying robots. Then robots kidnap her. Now Ratchet and Clank gotta destroy more robots. But the little girl is also a robot. So they destroy her too. More shit happens. Then the game ends. Woo.
Some people have complained that they hate Ratchet in this game, and the intro cutscene shows. Ratchet is stomping on Clank’s sand model he’s building, he’s being lazy and kind of an ass again—he’s behaving the way he did in the first game. That being said, I’m fine with Ratchet’s character. He’s saved the galaxy four times now; he deserves to have some time off, as does Clank. It was actually interesting to see the two dynamics clashing with each other again. Clank is fine with being on vacation, but his brain is still in “hero” mode. Meanwhile Ratchet is perfectly fine letting someone else save the galaxy. Considering my current endeavors and all the crap I’ve been swamped with lately, I do not blame Ratchet at all, and his impatient and grouchy temper in the beginning of the game is understandable. And on top of that, he does get nicer as the game progresses. Despite everything, this game got Ratchet and Clank down correctly, even if some of their dialogue is very…I guess “kiddie” is the right word. Good for the makers of a PSP-turned-PS2 game for keep these characters intact!
EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS GAME IS SHIT!
How the fuck is anyone supposed to move around in the game without straining their eyes or getting frustrated? I know this is technically a PSP game, but goddamn. At least give the players of the PS2 port and option to change the camera angles and settings. The game does not seem to have the ability to turn the camera when you want it to. The game only does when the game wants to—and that’s annoying if you’re trying to figure out if there are enemies behind you or in the distance. Being a PSP game, the camera space is limited to this rectangular, close-up box around Ratchet. You can’t see anything beyond that unless you walk over to that location. It’s tolerable after you get used to it though, so it’s not a major complaint.
The game has a variety of weapons, like always. You got your discount shotgun, your discount flamethrower, your discount shield, discount blaster, discount rocket launcher—that’s all it is: just discount weapons from all the previous games. That being said, all these weapons function properly and do the job at least, so that’s fine.
The game’s not really difficult though. Or long. The game doesn’t get legitimately challenging until the final stage really. Up until then it’s just a standard game with normal difficulty. Some enemies are a bit tougher than others, but since you can upgrade your weapons and you also have armor you can collect, that lowers the toughness a bit. That being said, the final stage where you fight a buttload of Ratchet clones was somewhat interesting. And since they are clones of Ratchet, it would explain why they’re so resilient. But like I said, game’s very short—think I beat it in under five hours.
There’s only eight levels, ten if you include the mini Dream-stage level and the mini Clank-body-invasion level. And I will admit I did like the Clank level. I hated the Dream-stage level. When you combine the shitty camera angles with how distorted the stage is and the sheer amount of platforming you gotta do, that really hinders the level’s enjoyment. Although I did like one aspect of the level. In this stage, you’ll see a mirror and an enemy will fly straight toward you. If you break the mirror, the image of the enemy multiplies. I thought that was a very neat touch. I don’t have a favorite stage besides the Clank one, and I only liked the Clank one because it stood out the most for the right reasons. Everything else was just a bland planet. The music for each planet is very bland; it’s basically background music you barely even notice. The developers didn’t even bother giving the boss Luna her own theme. It’s the same as the original, light-hearted tune for the planet you fight her on. There’s also two mini-boss segments in this stage where you gotta run or dodge Luna’s attacks, and the game doesn’t let you skip any of it.
The universe in this game seems very empty. There are hardly any NPCs in the game except for discount Skid McMarx, discount Gadgetron scientist, and the two main villains. That’s it. Besides those two, I can’t remember a single other NPC in this entire game who isn’t some evil robot. As for the villains, one of them is a somewhat cool-looking alien named Emperor Otto who rules over the Technomites, the villains in the game. Otto basically wants to rule the universe by kidnapping the smartest individuals ever known with his army of Ratchet clones and planting their knowledge into his own brain, thereby making him the most intelligent being in the cosmos. A villain who wants to make an army of Ratchet clones is a cool idea. But the villain’s motivation was kinda meh. Then again a lot of the villains in the series got “meh” motivation or very simple, easy-to-follow motivations, so it’s not too much of an issue. Everything leading up to the final boss fight was cool. The boss fight itself was tedious as shit, because Otto has an absurd amount of health.
Something I also noticed about the game? There’s a delay when you perform some attacks and jumps. Sometimes even if you hit the X button, you won’t jump. Or you will jump, but there will be a minor delay. And yes, a half-second delay is a big deal when you’re trying to double jump over an attack, but only jump once, and then get hit, and then you die and gotta start a boss fight all over again. This really shouldn’t be that much of a big deal, but when you throw in this little annoyance alongside the shitty camera controls? That makes a boss fight much more difficult than it really needs to be.
*sighs*
I don’t wanna talk about this game anymore. So I’m not gonna. Let’s just get to the conclusion. Fuck it.
No, don’t buy this game. Don’t even rent it. There’s no point. The worst rating you can give anything is a 1/10 or a 5/10. Yes, a 5/10 is arguably the worst rating you can give something. It’s right in the middle. That’s not where you wanna be, because that heavily implies you’re boring, forgettable, unoriginal, or all three. This game isn’t shitty enough to make fun of. It’s not entertainingly bad. It’s not great. It’s not good. It exists. This is the No Man’s Sky of the Ratchet & Clank series. There’s nothing this game has to offer that you can’t experience in other games that are more enjoyable.
You say I complain that this game is too short? Well, guess what? Star Fox 64, Star Fox: Assault, and even Star Fox Zero all have short campaigns that can be beaten in about five hours or less. And all three of these games have much better gameplay, replay value, and are much more entertaining.
You say I complain about the game’s shitty camera angles? Well, Sonic Adventure 2 and Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion have shitty camera angles. And both of those games are more manageable to control and more entertaining than this. Yes, people. A game about farting orcs is more entertaining.
You say I complain about the game’s absurdly difficult boss battles? Okay, fine. Here’s a lovely game on the GameCube called Viewtiful Joe. It’s very, very challenging from start to finish, and some of the bosses are extremely difficult to beat. But they are not frustrating; there’s a big difference between the two words. Frustrating is when something is difficult for all the wrong reasons. Challenging is when something is difficult because it was designed to be difficult. But it’s not unbeatable. Fighting Fire Leo and Hulk Davidson is challenging. Fighting Shao Kahn in the Mortal Kombat reboot is frustrating. You have to cheat. You can’t beat this motherfucker unless you cheat.
THAT’S NOT A GOOD FUCKING BOSS, NETHERREALM STUDIOS!
Even if you’ve never played Ratchet & Clank, I wouldn’t recommend this. Just go buy one of the other four games I’ve already reviewed. Even Ratchet: Deadlocked was much more fun than this! Repetitive, sure, but if you play that game on Exterminator difficult? It is very challenging and absolute loads of fun. Arguably one of the best experiences I’ve had replaying this series was from that game. Wanna experience a cool challenge? Play Ratchet: Deadlocked. Fight the Eviscerator using nothing but the Scorpion Flail. Crank the difficulty up to Exterminator.
You will not be disappointed.
Fun fact: while playing this game yesterday, I kept dying around the same area on the last level of the game. Eventually I paused it, somehow got tired, and passed out for over an hour. Then I woke up later and was like “Oh shit, I forgot. I’m still playing this damn game.” Clank himself nearly falls asleep during a cutscene in this game.
CLANK.
Make what you will of that.
By talking about a mediocre blowy-shitty-uppy game.
RATING: 5/10
So we’re onto the fifth installment of the franchise. As Transformers, Pirates of the Caribbean, Die Hard, the Star Wars films, and Game of Thrones will tell you, the fifth entry is always the best one. Clearly.
The plot’s simple. Ratchet and Clank are on vacation in Pokitaru. A little girl wants to photograph Ratchet destroying robots. Then robots kidnap her. Now Ratchet and Clank gotta destroy more robots. But the little girl is also a robot. So they destroy her too. More shit happens. Then the game ends. Woo.
Some people have complained that they hate Ratchet in this game, and the intro cutscene shows. Ratchet is stomping on Clank’s sand model he’s building, he’s being lazy and kind of an ass again—he’s behaving the way he did in the first game. That being said, I’m fine with Ratchet’s character. He’s saved the galaxy four times now; he deserves to have some time off, as does Clank. It was actually interesting to see the two dynamics clashing with each other again. Clank is fine with being on vacation, but his brain is still in “hero” mode. Meanwhile Ratchet is perfectly fine letting someone else save the galaxy. Considering my current endeavors and all the crap I’ve been swamped with lately, I do not blame Ratchet at all, and his impatient and grouchy temper in the beginning of the game is understandable. And on top of that, he does get nicer as the game progresses. Despite everything, this game got Ratchet and Clank down correctly, even if some of their dialogue is very…I guess “kiddie” is the right word. Good for the makers of a PSP-turned-PS2 game for keep these characters intact!
EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS GAME IS SHIT!
How the fuck is anyone supposed to move around in the game without straining their eyes or getting frustrated? I know this is technically a PSP game, but goddamn. At least give the players of the PS2 port and option to change the camera angles and settings. The game does not seem to have the ability to turn the camera when you want it to. The game only does when the game wants to—and that’s annoying if you’re trying to figure out if there are enemies behind you or in the distance. Being a PSP game, the camera space is limited to this rectangular, close-up box around Ratchet. You can’t see anything beyond that unless you walk over to that location. It’s tolerable after you get used to it though, so it’s not a major complaint.
The game has a variety of weapons, like always. You got your discount shotgun, your discount flamethrower, your discount shield, discount blaster, discount rocket launcher—that’s all it is: just discount weapons from all the previous games. That being said, all these weapons function properly and do the job at least, so that’s fine.
The game’s not really difficult though. Or long. The game doesn’t get legitimately challenging until the final stage really. Up until then it’s just a standard game with normal difficulty. Some enemies are a bit tougher than others, but since you can upgrade your weapons and you also have armor you can collect, that lowers the toughness a bit. That being said, the final stage where you fight a buttload of Ratchet clones was somewhat interesting. And since they are clones of Ratchet, it would explain why they’re so resilient. But like I said, game’s very short—think I beat it in under five hours.
There’s only eight levels, ten if you include the mini Dream-stage level and the mini Clank-body-invasion level. And I will admit I did like the Clank level. I hated the Dream-stage level. When you combine the shitty camera angles with how distorted the stage is and the sheer amount of platforming you gotta do, that really hinders the level’s enjoyment. Although I did like one aspect of the level. In this stage, you’ll see a mirror and an enemy will fly straight toward you. If you break the mirror, the image of the enemy multiplies. I thought that was a very neat touch. I don’t have a favorite stage besides the Clank one, and I only liked the Clank one because it stood out the most for the right reasons. Everything else was just a bland planet. The music for each planet is very bland; it’s basically background music you barely even notice. The developers didn’t even bother giving the boss Luna her own theme. It’s the same as the original, light-hearted tune for the planet you fight her on. There’s also two mini-boss segments in this stage where you gotta run or dodge Luna’s attacks, and the game doesn’t let you skip any of it.
The universe in this game seems very empty. There are hardly any NPCs in the game except for discount Skid McMarx, discount Gadgetron scientist, and the two main villains. That’s it. Besides those two, I can’t remember a single other NPC in this entire game who isn’t some evil robot. As for the villains, one of them is a somewhat cool-looking alien named Emperor Otto who rules over the Technomites, the villains in the game. Otto basically wants to rule the universe by kidnapping the smartest individuals ever known with his army of Ratchet clones and planting their knowledge into his own brain, thereby making him the most intelligent being in the cosmos. A villain who wants to make an army of Ratchet clones is a cool idea. But the villain’s motivation was kinda meh. Then again a lot of the villains in the series got “meh” motivation or very simple, easy-to-follow motivations, so it’s not too much of an issue. Everything leading up to the final boss fight was cool. The boss fight itself was tedious as shit, because Otto has an absurd amount of health.
Something I also noticed about the game? There’s a delay when you perform some attacks and jumps. Sometimes even if you hit the X button, you won’t jump. Or you will jump, but there will be a minor delay. And yes, a half-second delay is a big deal when you’re trying to double jump over an attack, but only jump once, and then get hit, and then you die and gotta start a boss fight all over again. This really shouldn’t be that much of a big deal, but when you throw in this little annoyance alongside the shitty camera controls? That makes a boss fight much more difficult than it really needs to be.
*sighs*
I don’t wanna talk about this game anymore. So I’m not gonna. Let’s just get to the conclusion. Fuck it.
No, don’t buy this game. Don’t even rent it. There’s no point. The worst rating you can give anything is a 1/10 or a 5/10. Yes, a 5/10 is arguably the worst rating you can give something. It’s right in the middle. That’s not where you wanna be, because that heavily implies you’re boring, forgettable, unoriginal, or all three. This game isn’t shitty enough to make fun of. It’s not entertainingly bad. It’s not great. It’s not good. It exists. This is the No Man’s Sky of the Ratchet & Clank series. There’s nothing this game has to offer that you can’t experience in other games that are more enjoyable.
You say I complain that this game is too short? Well, guess what? Star Fox 64, Star Fox: Assault, and even Star Fox Zero all have short campaigns that can be beaten in about five hours or less. And all three of these games have much better gameplay, replay value, and are much more entertaining.
You say I complain about the game’s shitty camera angles? Well, Sonic Adventure 2 and Orc Attack: Flatulent Rebellion have shitty camera angles. And both of those games are more manageable to control and more entertaining than this. Yes, people. A game about farting orcs is more entertaining.
You say I complain about the game’s absurdly difficult boss battles? Okay, fine. Here’s a lovely game on the GameCube called Viewtiful Joe. It’s very, very challenging from start to finish, and some of the bosses are extremely difficult to beat. But they are not frustrating; there’s a big difference between the two words. Frustrating is when something is difficult for all the wrong reasons. Challenging is when something is difficult because it was designed to be difficult. But it’s not unbeatable. Fighting Fire Leo and Hulk Davidson is challenging. Fighting Shao Kahn in the Mortal Kombat reboot is frustrating. You have to cheat. You can’t beat this motherfucker unless you cheat.
THAT’S NOT A GOOD FUCKING BOSS, NETHERREALM STUDIOS!
Even if you’ve never played Ratchet & Clank, I wouldn’t recommend this. Just go buy one of the other four games I’ve already reviewed. Even Ratchet: Deadlocked was much more fun than this! Repetitive, sure, but if you play that game on Exterminator difficult? It is very challenging and absolute loads of fun. Arguably one of the best experiences I’ve had replaying this series was from that game. Wanna experience a cool challenge? Play Ratchet: Deadlocked. Fight the Eviscerator using nothing but the Scorpion Flail. Crank the difficulty up to Exterminator.
You will not be disappointed.
Fun fact: while playing this game yesterday, I kept dying around the same area on the last level of the game. Eventually I paused it, somehow got tired, and passed out for over an hour. Then I woke up later and was like “Oh shit, I forgot. I’m still playing this damn game.” Clank himself nearly falls asleep during a cutscene in this game.
CLANK.
Make what you will of that.
Birfday Wulf
General | Posted 8 years agoYaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
*sprays confetti poppers and shiz*
Yes, I am going to do that every year. XD
All right, so once again, working today, so probably won't do anything. Typically whenever I do anything birthday-related, it's after my birthday, so I'm sure my family will probably end up doing something festive, especially since Blow Shit Up Day is coming up shortly and they wanna do more outdoors stuff.
I'm still in my 20s but I feel old. Not sure if that's good. >__<
*sprays confetti poppers and shiz*
Yes, I am going to do that every year. XD
All right, so once again, working today, so probably won't do anything. Typically whenever I do anything birthday-related, it's after my birthday, so I'm sure my family will probably end up doing something festive, especially since Blow Shit Up Day is coming up shortly and they wanna do more outdoors stuff.
I'm still in my 20s but I feel old. Not sure if that's good. >__<
Transformers Film Series
General | Posted 8 years agoAll right, so I finally saw the new Exploding Robots film. A.K.A., Transformers. Instead of doing a typical review, here’s a quick rundown of the whole film series upon rewatching the first four films this week.
Transformers: 7/10. Great, fun film from start to finish. Too many subplots, some of the humor fell flat, but overall, I had a great time watching this. It’s as fun as TMNT: Out of the Shadows. Make what you will of that.
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen: 2/10. Absolute shit. First eight minutes were fine, then the movie immediately plummets. And it stays there. It comes back up a couple times, but ultimately ends on a very low point. Humor was fucking incessant, it wasn’t funny, Leo did not die, and the Fallen is one of the worst villains of all fucking time.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon: 6/10. Starts off kinda “meh.” First hour of the movie isn’t too great, but I stuck with it because I liked Sam’s overall arc. Mikaela, who I actually did like (even if she was played by Megan Fox) is replaced by a damsel in distress. An autobot I really like dies horribly and abruptly. The ending’s a bit too long, and the resolution is too short. That being said, the second half of the film made up for the first half—just enough for it to be enjoyable and fun. But not as enjoyable as the first movie.
Transformers: Age of Extinction: 3.5/10. Frustrating. Absolutely frustrating. This movie started off so damn well. It was darker, the stakes were higher, Cade Yaegar and Optimus Prime bonded very well compared to Sam and Optimus, and the annoying-ass comic relief character died so horribly that I actually felt bad when he got his ass fried. Stanley Tucci’s character, while over-the-top, was interesting. His arc was interesting. I loved the whole secret, super-evil CIA anti-Transformers plot. I absolutely adore Lockdown. And they finally got Frank Welker to voice “Megatron.”
THEN THE THIRD ACT FUCKED UP EVERYTHING.
The third act of this film has so many explosions, and so much fucking bullshit going on, that it’s boring. It’s oversaturated BULLSHIT. I tried rewatching this film last night, and as soon as the second act ended, I fell asleep. I’m not fucking joking. This goddamn movie put me to sleep and I had to finish it this morning. It’s too damn long. There’s too many goddamn explosions. This film—I’ll tell you what this film is. This film is like dinner. You have an appetizer, and it’s wonderful! Then you get the entrée. And it’s decent. It’s good. For dessert? You have cake. And then you sit up from your chair. Then someone chains your ass to the chair and forces you to eat more cake. And more cake. And more. And more. And more. Then you throw up. Then they make you eat more cake. You throw up again. Then they make you eat that throw up. Then some asshole comes in front of you with a firehose and blasts your ass with gallons upon gallons of soda and expects you to drink every goddamn drop.
I’m sorry. But that’s too much fucking cake for me.
Transformers: The Last Knight: 4/10. I can’t give this movie a 6/10, because then that would mean it’s slightly above average. I can’t give it a 5/10, because that would mean it was mediocre and forgettable. And holy fuck, that is not true. This movie……………
This movie impressed me. It……..impressed me. This movie managed to-to show me……that you can make a movie this bad……..and not hate it. I don’t hate this movie. I actually enjoyed it in many different parts. This movie was this year’s Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. I’m not even joking. There’s even a scene in this film that’s very similar to the “Martha” scene.
I AM NOT SHITTING YOU.
The problem with this film? Once again, the ending goes on and on and on—not as horrendous as Age of Extinction, but I definitely started to get bored during the climax. Or rather, the third climax. And there’s a mid-credits scene that was nothing but setup for a sixth film. Y’see, this movie had the exact opposite effect of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. As bad as that movie was, it got me very interested in future DC movies! When this movie ended, I threw up my hands and said:
“NOPE. NO MORE. I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS. FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY.”
…..So there. I’m done. I am done.
I am done.
Will I give a more in-depth review of The Last Knight? Probably. Maybe. Who knows. I need to reiterate: I did not hate this film like nearly everyone else on the Internet. And there were some legitimately good things in the film, like the badass butler robot Cogman. And Anthony Hopkins clearly looked like he was having fun. I enjoyed many aspects of this movie because it was bad. But a bad movie is still a bad movie, whether or not you got enjoyment out of it.
*sighs*
Now then. Onto Beast Wars and Beast Machines.
Transformers: 7/10. Great, fun film from start to finish. Too many subplots, some of the humor fell flat, but overall, I had a great time watching this. It’s as fun as TMNT: Out of the Shadows. Make what you will of that.
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen: 2/10. Absolute shit. First eight minutes were fine, then the movie immediately plummets. And it stays there. It comes back up a couple times, but ultimately ends on a very low point. Humor was fucking incessant, it wasn’t funny, Leo did not die, and the Fallen is one of the worst villains of all fucking time.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon: 6/10. Starts off kinda “meh.” First hour of the movie isn’t too great, but I stuck with it because I liked Sam’s overall arc. Mikaela, who I actually did like (even if she was played by Megan Fox) is replaced by a damsel in distress. An autobot I really like dies horribly and abruptly. The ending’s a bit too long, and the resolution is too short. That being said, the second half of the film made up for the first half—just enough for it to be enjoyable and fun. But not as enjoyable as the first movie.
Transformers: Age of Extinction: 3.5/10. Frustrating. Absolutely frustrating. This movie started off so damn well. It was darker, the stakes were higher, Cade Yaegar and Optimus Prime bonded very well compared to Sam and Optimus, and the annoying-ass comic relief character died so horribly that I actually felt bad when he got his ass fried. Stanley Tucci’s character, while over-the-top, was interesting. His arc was interesting. I loved the whole secret, super-evil CIA anti-Transformers plot. I absolutely adore Lockdown. And they finally got Frank Welker to voice “Megatron.”
THEN THE THIRD ACT FUCKED UP EVERYTHING.
The third act of this film has so many explosions, and so much fucking bullshit going on, that it’s boring. It’s oversaturated BULLSHIT. I tried rewatching this film last night, and as soon as the second act ended, I fell asleep. I’m not fucking joking. This goddamn movie put me to sleep and I had to finish it this morning. It’s too damn long. There’s too many goddamn explosions. This film—I’ll tell you what this film is. This film is like dinner. You have an appetizer, and it’s wonderful! Then you get the entrée. And it’s decent. It’s good. For dessert? You have cake. And then you sit up from your chair. Then someone chains your ass to the chair and forces you to eat more cake. And more cake. And more. And more. And more. Then you throw up. Then they make you eat more cake. You throw up again. Then they make you eat that throw up. Then some asshole comes in front of you with a firehose and blasts your ass with gallons upon gallons of soda and expects you to drink every goddamn drop.
I’m sorry. But that’s too much fucking cake for me.
Transformers: The Last Knight: 4/10. I can’t give this movie a 6/10, because then that would mean it’s slightly above average. I can’t give it a 5/10, because that would mean it was mediocre and forgettable. And holy fuck, that is not true. This movie……………
This movie impressed me. It……..impressed me. This movie managed to-to show me……that you can make a movie this bad……..and not hate it. I don’t hate this movie. I actually enjoyed it in many different parts. This movie was this year’s Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. I’m not even joking. There’s even a scene in this film that’s very similar to the “Martha” scene.
I AM NOT SHITTING YOU.
The problem with this film? Once again, the ending goes on and on and on—not as horrendous as Age of Extinction, but I definitely started to get bored during the climax. Or rather, the third climax. And there’s a mid-credits scene that was nothing but setup for a sixth film. Y’see, this movie had the exact opposite effect of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. As bad as that movie was, it got me very interested in future DC movies! When this movie ended, I threw up my hands and said:
“NOPE. NO MORE. I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS. FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY.”
…..So there. I’m done. I am done.
I am done.
Will I give a more in-depth review of The Last Knight? Probably. Maybe. Who knows. I need to reiterate: I did not hate this film like nearly everyone else on the Internet. And there were some legitimately good things in the film, like the badass butler robot Cogman. And Anthony Hopkins clearly looked like he was having fun. I enjoyed many aspects of this movie because it was bad. But a bad movie is still a bad movie, whether or not you got enjoyment out of it.
*sighs*
Now then. Onto Beast Wars and Beast Machines.
June Update / 2017
General | Posted 8 years agoIt’s summer. Blah.
So still doing commissions and working for long hours at my job. And eating junk food. And spending money on things. Yay.
“But Jake! Eating junk food is bad!”
Yeah.
Don’t care.
The news is releasing shit everyday saying “Ooh! This is bad; don’t eat it! Eat this instead! Oop! This causes cancer! Don’t eat it! Eat this! Oh no, it’s too expensive? That’s too bad! You can eat healthy and live a long life and get cancer in your 40s, or you can have shitty health and die in your 40s! ”
………….I’m just gonna leave this here. >___>
https://youtu.be/tS_Xq7gSCBM
Also Transformers: The Last Knight comes out today. Yay. I get to see long-ass exploding robots doing lots of explody shit. Honestly a lot of red flags are going up. If only because I rewatched Pacific Rim with pokemonmanic3595. And we both were like “Oh! This movie is fucking amazing! It’s cliché, but it’s awesome! And Transformers isn’t!” But yeah, I’m gonna go see it. Because exploding robots. And I’ll review it after I get around to seeing it. I do feel like this movie will be the movie where I give up on the Transformers film series. Apparently Michael Bay did too.
Still debating on whether or not I should go through the trouble of replaying Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters. I may as well, because if I don’t, then I literally have no use for the game. I may as well do something with it instead of letting it sit in my collection of games gathering dust. Plus it’s a short game; it’ll be easy to knock out. Besides, once that’s done, I can focus solely on the Kingdom Hearts franchise, which has been very captivating so far. Even if the chronological order is very wonky.
Been binge-watching a lot of shows, namely American Gods and Young Justice, the latter of which is one of the best animated superhero anything(s) I’ve ever seen. And it turns out they’re making a Season 3, after these dumbasses thought it was a wonderful idea to cancel this beautiful masterpiece. So yay once again.
As I said earlier, I’m still working on a lot of stories and commissions. And I’m still working my ass off at my job. As a result of that, I’ve been very stressed these past few weeks. Everytime I seem to have some time off, some other shit conveniently comes up that I need to work on. I actually reached a point a few days ago where I was so tired that I could not stand straight. I had to lean against my bed before I decided to actually lie down on my bed itself so I could pass out on my mattress. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even try to stay up all night, so that’s good. Usually I don’t stay up past four—and yes, that’s improvement, considering there have been times where I would be up at three in the morning and wouldn’t go back to sleep.
“But JT! Maybe you should take a break from commissions!”
Yeah.
No.
I’ve done the math. Considering everything I have planned for this summer, the amount of commissions and other stories I gotta do, my overall plan is to finish at least 80% of my commissions before college starts back up in August. So I wanna get all this done sooner than later. Thankfully, most of the commissioners have been very patient and understanding with me, so thank you all for waiting. Even though I’m sure some of you feel like punching me in the face.
So as a result of all this, try not to get too upset if I seem pissy or moody, or if I blatantly ignore some people, because I’m just busy, and it’s just the stress talking. I assure you. It is just the stress talking.
......I’m gonna leave this here. X__X
https://youtu.be/BGQmmDEDYiI
Until next time.
So still doing commissions and working for long hours at my job. And eating junk food. And spending money on things. Yay.
“But Jake! Eating junk food is bad!”
Yeah.
Don’t care.
The news is releasing shit everyday saying “Ooh! This is bad; don’t eat it! Eat this instead! Oop! This causes cancer! Don’t eat it! Eat this! Oh no, it’s too expensive? That’s too bad! You can eat healthy and live a long life and get cancer in your 40s, or you can have shitty health and die in your 40s! ”
………….I’m just gonna leave this here. >___>
https://youtu.be/tS_Xq7gSCBM
Also Transformers: The Last Knight comes out today. Yay. I get to see long-ass exploding robots doing lots of explody shit. Honestly a lot of red flags are going up. If only because I rewatched Pacific Rim with
pokemonmanic3595. And we both were like “Oh! This movie is fucking amazing! It’s cliché, but it’s awesome! And Transformers isn’t!” But yeah, I’m gonna go see it. Because exploding robots. And I’ll review it after I get around to seeing it. I do feel like this movie will be the movie where I give up on the Transformers film series. Apparently Michael Bay did too.Still debating on whether or not I should go through the trouble of replaying Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters. I may as well, because if I don’t, then I literally have no use for the game. I may as well do something with it instead of letting it sit in my collection of games gathering dust. Plus it’s a short game; it’ll be easy to knock out. Besides, once that’s done, I can focus solely on the Kingdom Hearts franchise, which has been very captivating so far. Even if the chronological order is very wonky.
Been binge-watching a lot of shows, namely American Gods and Young Justice, the latter of which is one of the best animated superhero anything(s) I’ve ever seen. And it turns out they’re making a Season 3, after these dumbasses thought it was a wonderful idea to cancel this beautiful masterpiece. So yay once again.
As I said earlier, I’m still working on a lot of stories and commissions. And I’m still working my ass off at my job. As a result of that, I’ve been very stressed these past few weeks. Everytime I seem to have some time off, some other shit conveniently comes up that I need to work on. I actually reached a point a few days ago where I was so tired that I could not stand straight. I had to lean against my bed before I decided to actually lie down on my bed itself so I could pass out on my mattress. I’ve reached a point where I don’t even try to stay up all night, so that’s good. Usually I don’t stay up past four—and yes, that’s improvement, considering there have been times where I would be up at three in the morning and wouldn’t go back to sleep.
“But JT! Maybe you should take a break from commissions!”
Yeah.
No.
I’ve done the math. Considering everything I have planned for this summer, the amount of commissions and other stories I gotta do, my overall plan is to finish at least 80% of my commissions before college starts back up in August. So I wanna get all this done sooner than later. Thankfully, most of the commissioners have been very patient and understanding with me, so thank you all for waiting. Even though I’m sure some of you feel like punching me in the face.
So as a result of all this, try not to get too upset if I seem pissy or moody, or if I blatantly ignore some people, because I’m just busy, and it’s just the stress talking. I assure you. It is just the stress talking.
......I’m gonna leave this here. X__X
https://youtu.be/BGQmmDEDYiI
Until next time.
One Sentence Review: Wonder Woman (2017)
General | Posted 8 years agoDC finally made a legitimately great film.
Alternatively......
Paul Feig is a dumb piece of shit, and Patty Jenkins is not.
RATING: 8/10
You see what happens? You see what happens when you're not so fucking dour and depressing, Man of Steel?
You see what happens when you give your film and all the characters time to breathe, and don't cram so much shit into one movie, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice?
You see what happens when the studio executives don't mess with a movie so horribly that they end up fucking up the entire film, Suicide Squad?
You see what happens when you're not shoving the word "FEMINISM" in everyone's fucking face, Paul Feig?
You get this. You get this glorious superhero film that I genuinely care about.
I love how last year, every single superhero movie we got was incredibly divisive. Yes, even Deadpool, to some small extent. So far this year every superhero movie to come out has been wonderful. With Logan, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, and now Wonder Woman, I think my interest in superhero films is coming back, and my superhero fatigue is wearing off.
......Shit.
Shit!
I said I'd drop Marvel movies after I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
But the trailer for Thor: Ragnarok actually looks decent........
SHIT!
Alternatively......
Paul Feig is a dumb piece of shit, and Patty Jenkins is not.
RATING: 8/10
You see what happens? You see what happens when you're not so fucking dour and depressing, Man of Steel?
You see what happens when you give your film and all the characters time to breathe, and don't cram so much shit into one movie, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice?
You see what happens when the studio executives don't mess with a movie so horribly that they end up fucking up the entire film, Suicide Squad?
You see what happens when you're not shoving the word "FEMINISM" in everyone's fucking face, Paul Feig?
You get this. You get this glorious superhero film that I genuinely care about.
I love how last year, every single superhero movie we got was incredibly divisive. Yes, even Deadpool, to some small extent. So far this year every superhero movie to come out has been wonderful. With Logan, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, and now Wonder Woman, I think my interest in superhero films is coming back, and my superhero fatigue is wearing off.
......Shit.
Shit!
I said I'd drop Marvel movies after I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
But the trailer for Thor: Ragnarok actually looks decent........
SHIT!
Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal Review
General | Posted 8 years agoWhat’s better than a robot and Lombax fighting an evil Blargian mastermind? Fighting an over-the-top robot mastermind.
Heeeeeeellllllllll’s yeah
RATING: 10/10
So Ratchet and Clank are relaxing in the Bogon Galaxy when they see a news bulletin stating that planet Veldin is being invaded by a race of aliens known as the Tyhrranoids! So Ratchet and Clank go back to save their planet, then find out that a nefarious ruler named Dr. Nefarious is trying to cause chaos. So now they gotta stop him. And now we have our game!
All right, there’s no need to go over the controls. You jump, you hover with Clank, you blow shit up with weapons, you travel to planets—it’s all the same. I will say some of the weapons have changed though, a few of which I think are pretty cool. There’s one weapon that sucks enemies into an alternate dimension, you got a weapon that turns enemies into ducks, stuff like that. A majority of the weapons in the game are actually from the previous two games (which you can get for a discount if you got save files on your memory card. I thought that was a neat addition. ) That being said, you got your discount shotgun, your discount blaster or machine gun, your discount rocket launcher, blah blah blah. It’s not really different, but if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
I do enjoy the fact that despite everything that’s happened, Ratchet and Clank still maintain their personalities. Ratchet is still a hero who goes around trying to save the universe, but at the same time, is cocky and enjoys the thrill of adventure. I just love how when Ratchet has to take the Path of Death in the first stage, he just rolls his eyes. And then later on after seeing a commercial for Annihilation Nation, he just mutters “Another day, another death course.” It’s like the writers clearly knew that all the players are used to these death courses from the previous two games and know they won’t be challenging at all. XD Clank is still the lovable nerdy robot who figures out all the technical stuff while Ratchet does all the shooting. But everyone loves Clank. So much so that he’s a movie star now. A cheesy, action, James Bond rip-off movie star, but still. He’s getting paid.
I also really enjoyed that a majority of the characters from the first game returned and have their own role in this game—again, without their personalities changing. Helga is still the abrasive trainer who constantly throws condescending insults at you; Big Al is still the fat, lovable nerdy…whatever Big Al is; Skidd McMarx is still that totally awesome hoverboarder who speaks in that surfer voice and acts like he’s a badass when he clearly isn’t, and of course, Captain Qwark is back. Which is awesome, because he actually has a character arc that pays off! Basically Qwark has gone crazy, but after playing some vid-comic games (I’ll get into that later) he gets his memory back and forms the Q-Force: a special team designed for stopping Dr. Nefarious and the Tyhrranoids. And Ratchet & Clank are part of this team who do most of the heavy work. Because Qwark is just a glory hound.
Which is why when he sacrifices his life to grab a data disk from Nefarious’ star cruiser was jarring in a good way. The guy willingly put his life on the line and it ended up paying off big time. Kinda hard to imagine Qwark doing something like that, especially after what happened in the second game. But then you find out he didn’t die and that he basically ran away and went into hiding. But that’s okay, because Ratchet gave him a Reason You Suck Speech and then he comes along later and redeems himself by helping Ratchet during the final battle. And given what Qwark did in the first two games, I can say his character arc was solid! They clearly won’t drag out Qwark’s character during the Future games, right?!
So unlike the previous game, this game improves on its villain. The last game, you don’t find out who the villain is until literally ten minutes before the game ends. Here, the game says “Here’s an evil robot. He wants to turn everyone into robots. Go stop him.” It’s basic, it’s simple, it’s straightforward, and I love it. And clearly Dr. Nefarious loves it too, because he’s so fucking over-the-top. This guy knows who he is and how he acts. He’s not trying to be dark and gritty, and you don’t take him too seriously. Chairman Drek had some funny moments too, but he was still taken very seriously and his crimes are extremely heinous. But here, it’s just a wacky villain who laughs a lot and wants everyone to be robots. It fits very well with the tone of the series. Also he has a very snarky-ass butler. Because why not.
By far the best part about the game is that it feels like an actual futuristic war-like game. But unlike those kinds of games, the war portion is not disturbing, nor is it trying to beat any morals or whatever against your head. Basically, as you go against the Tyhrranoids throughout the galaxy, you’re given several optional side missions where you must assist a team of soldier robots known as the Galactic Rangers. And yes, most of them are very cowardly, but they’re too adorable to hate. And half the time they actually aren’t afraid to at least attempt to fight off the enemy; they do run alongside you and tend to shoot at the enemy soldiers, even though their blasters suck ass. But since you’re their new sergeant, and since you’re a badass who has saved the galaxy twice, you naturally feel compelled to assist them whenever possible. And that’s how you should feel—you don’t save the Galactic Rangers because the game tells you. You save them because you know that in the back of your mind, taking out Dr. Nefarious’ Tyhrranoid allies and helping the Rangers whenever you can is the right thing to do, and it’s your duty as the adorable badass hero you are to help ‘em out.
Besides, helping out the Rangers means you get loads of bolts, and even a few new gadgets, some of which you need in order to progress in the game. But again, that doesn’t matter. Everytime I play the game, I always play these missions because of how fun they are and the rewarding feeling I get. Sometimes you gotta fight off forces; you gotta take out high-ranking Tyhrranoids; you gotta destroy or capture military bases; you gotta take out dropships, and so on. Missions aside, the game kinda has the same formula as the second one. You find a crucial bit of information or a clue about Dr. Nefarious. You head to the planet, explore around, find a clue or destroy some shit, go to a new planet, explore, destroy some shit, etc. And this is basically the entire game. But unlike the second game, there was an interesting twist during the second act which, upon playing the game for the first time, actually surprised me. I don’t know how I fell for it, but I did. >__<
I do need to point out a negative though, which was something I felt in the second game. It’s not linear, but it feels linear. And I believe that’s mainly because of how invested you are in the overall plot. The original game fleshed out our two heroes as much as possible because there really wasn’t much of anything else to do. So unless they start delving into their backstories (which I’ll get into with the Future games), they can’t really develop them anymore. Because of this, you care more about the plot and stopping the villain, whereas in the first game, you care more about exploring and finding cool shit and analyzing these two characters. The game itself encouraged and punished you depending on how well you thoroughly ventured around the planets. But in this game, it’s just “Go here! Do this thing! Okay cool, you did that thing—go here now!” And yes, I know the first game was technically like this too, but Up Your Arsenal has the Mass Effect 3 feel to it. Sure, you can spend a buttload of time doing side missions. But does it really matter when the galaxy is in peril? Do you really give a shit about finding some missing spaceship in the middle of the galaxy when the Reapers are reigning hell all over the place?
It’s also because of this that I don’t really have a favorite planet. I honestly can’t remember some of the locations because I forgot ‘em already since I last finished the game a couple weeks ago. The reason why this game gets a perfect score though, is because the plot is very straightforward, the characters are wonderful, and more specifically, the overall war themes and war mission involving the Galactic Rangers is what made this game stand out from all the other ones. I actually played this game twice in a row before I started working on this review, and that’s saying something. So it has some of the same flaws as Going Commando, but the Galactic Rangers side missions saved it. As did Dr. Nefarious and Captain Qwark’s arc. This game even has a game within the game—you can play shooter/platforming Qwark vid-comics, some of which are used to find certain clues that drive the plot forward. You gotta give them props for making you play a game as you play a game to make the game’s plot advance.
Again, clear recommendation from me. Even if you don’t have a PS2, they got the remasted collection of the first three games for the PS3 and PS4(?), so jump on that when you can. And again, there are plenty of other wonderful things to say about the game, such as the music and the sheer amount of fun it is blasting away enemies and exploring the environment, but we’d be here all day. And I got lots of other things to work on!
Mkay! So…gonna replay Ratchet: Deadlocked (which I already reviewed), because why not. I’m still…..debating on whether or not I should replay Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters. I really do not like that game, and even tried to sell it.
But I ish a completionist. >__< Of course, in that case, I’d have to buy Secret Agent Clank, along with Quest for Booty, Into the Nexus, All 4 One, and Full Frontal Assault.
Yeah. Scratch that idea.
“Oh, so you spent all that money buying all those shitty Sonic games, but you won’t buy the mediocre Ratchet & Clank games? WTF, JT?!”
Hey.
Shut up. >__>
Heeeeeeellllllllll’s yeah
RATING: 10/10
So Ratchet and Clank are relaxing in the Bogon Galaxy when they see a news bulletin stating that planet Veldin is being invaded by a race of aliens known as the Tyhrranoids! So Ratchet and Clank go back to save their planet, then find out that a nefarious ruler named Dr. Nefarious is trying to cause chaos. So now they gotta stop him. And now we have our game!
All right, there’s no need to go over the controls. You jump, you hover with Clank, you blow shit up with weapons, you travel to planets—it’s all the same. I will say some of the weapons have changed though, a few of which I think are pretty cool. There’s one weapon that sucks enemies into an alternate dimension, you got a weapon that turns enemies into ducks, stuff like that. A majority of the weapons in the game are actually from the previous two games (which you can get for a discount if you got save files on your memory card. I thought that was a neat addition. ) That being said, you got your discount shotgun, your discount blaster or machine gun, your discount rocket launcher, blah blah blah. It’s not really different, but if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
I do enjoy the fact that despite everything that’s happened, Ratchet and Clank still maintain their personalities. Ratchet is still a hero who goes around trying to save the universe, but at the same time, is cocky and enjoys the thrill of adventure. I just love how when Ratchet has to take the Path of Death in the first stage, he just rolls his eyes. And then later on after seeing a commercial for Annihilation Nation, he just mutters “Another day, another death course.” It’s like the writers clearly knew that all the players are used to these death courses from the previous two games and know they won’t be challenging at all. XD Clank is still the lovable nerdy robot who figures out all the technical stuff while Ratchet does all the shooting. But everyone loves Clank. So much so that he’s a movie star now. A cheesy, action, James Bond rip-off movie star, but still. He’s getting paid.
I also really enjoyed that a majority of the characters from the first game returned and have their own role in this game—again, without their personalities changing. Helga is still the abrasive trainer who constantly throws condescending insults at you; Big Al is still the fat, lovable nerdy…whatever Big Al is; Skidd McMarx is still that totally awesome hoverboarder who speaks in that surfer voice and acts like he’s a badass when he clearly isn’t, and of course, Captain Qwark is back. Which is awesome, because he actually has a character arc that pays off! Basically Qwark has gone crazy, but after playing some vid-comic games (I’ll get into that later) he gets his memory back and forms the Q-Force: a special team designed for stopping Dr. Nefarious and the Tyhrranoids. And Ratchet & Clank are part of this team who do most of the heavy work. Because Qwark is just a glory hound.
Which is why when he sacrifices his life to grab a data disk from Nefarious’ star cruiser was jarring in a good way. The guy willingly put his life on the line and it ended up paying off big time. Kinda hard to imagine Qwark doing something like that, especially after what happened in the second game. But then you find out he didn’t die and that he basically ran away and went into hiding. But that’s okay, because Ratchet gave him a Reason You Suck Speech and then he comes along later and redeems himself by helping Ratchet during the final battle. And given what Qwark did in the first two games, I can say his character arc was solid! They clearly won’t drag out Qwark’s character during the Future games, right?!
So unlike the previous game, this game improves on its villain. The last game, you don’t find out who the villain is until literally ten minutes before the game ends. Here, the game says “Here’s an evil robot. He wants to turn everyone into robots. Go stop him.” It’s basic, it’s simple, it’s straightforward, and I love it. And clearly Dr. Nefarious loves it too, because he’s so fucking over-the-top. This guy knows who he is and how he acts. He’s not trying to be dark and gritty, and you don’t take him too seriously. Chairman Drek had some funny moments too, but he was still taken very seriously and his crimes are extremely heinous. But here, it’s just a wacky villain who laughs a lot and wants everyone to be robots. It fits very well with the tone of the series. Also he has a very snarky-ass butler. Because why not.
By far the best part about the game is that it feels like an actual futuristic war-like game. But unlike those kinds of games, the war portion is not disturbing, nor is it trying to beat any morals or whatever against your head. Basically, as you go against the Tyhrranoids throughout the galaxy, you’re given several optional side missions where you must assist a team of soldier robots known as the Galactic Rangers. And yes, most of them are very cowardly, but they’re too adorable to hate. And half the time they actually aren’t afraid to at least attempt to fight off the enemy; they do run alongside you and tend to shoot at the enemy soldiers, even though their blasters suck ass. But since you’re their new sergeant, and since you’re a badass who has saved the galaxy twice, you naturally feel compelled to assist them whenever possible. And that’s how you should feel—you don’t save the Galactic Rangers because the game tells you. You save them because you know that in the back of your mind, taking out Dr. Nefarious’ Tyhrranoid allies and helping the Rangers whenever you can is the right thing to do, and it’s your duty as the adorable badass hero you are to help ‘em out.
Besides, helping out the Rangers means you get loads of bolts, and even a few new gadgets, some of which you need in order to progress in the game. But again, that doesn’t matter. Everytime I play the game, I always play these missions because of how fun they are and the rewarding feeling I get. Sometimes you gotta fight off forces; you gotta take out high-ranking Tyhrranoids; you gotta destroy or capture military bases; you gotta take out dropships, and so on. Missions aside, the game kinda has the same formula as the second one. You find a crucial bit of information or a clue about Dr. Nefarious. You head to the planet, explore around, find a clue or destroy some shit, go to a new planet, explore, destroy some shit, etc. And this is basically the entire game. But unlike the second game, there was an interesting twist during the second act which, upon playing the game for the first time, actually surprised me. I don’t know how I fell for it, but I did. >__<
I do need to point out a negative though, which was something I felt in the second game. It’s not linear, but it feels linear. And I believe that’s mainly because of how invested you are in the overall plot. The original game fleshed out our two heroes as much as possible because there really wasn’t much of anything else to do. So unless they start delving into their backstories (which I’ll get into with the Future games), they can’t really develop them anymore. Because of this, you care more about the plot and stopping the villain, whereas in the first game, you care more about exploring and finding cool shit and analyzing these two characters. The game itself encouraged and punished you depending on how well you thoroughly ventured around the planets. But in this game, it’s just “Go here! Do this thing! Okay cool, you did that thing—go here now!” And yes, I know the first game was technically like this too, but Up Your Arsenal has the Mass Effect 3 feel to it. Sure, you can spend a buttload of time doing side missions. But does it really matter when the galaxy is in peril? Do you really give a shit about finding some missing spaceship in the middle of the galaxy when the Reapers are reigning hell all over the place?
It’s also because of this that I don’t really have a favorite planet. I honestly can’t remember some of the locations because I forgot ‘em already since I last finished the game a couple weeks ago. The reason why this game gets a perfect score though, is because the plot is very straightforward, the characters are wonderful, and more specifically, the overall war themes and war mission involving the Galactic Rangers is what made this game stand out from all the other ones. I actually played this game twice in a row before I started working on this review, and that’s saying something. So it has some of the same flaws as Going Commando, but the Galactic Rangers side missions saved it. As did Dr. Nefarious and Captain Qwark’s arc. This game even has a game within the game—you can play shooter/platforming Qwark vid-comics, some of which are used to find certain clues that drive the plot forward. You gotta give them props for making you play a game as you play a game to make the game’s plot advance.
Again, clear recommendation from me. Even if you don’t have a PS2, they got the remasted collection of the first three games for the PS3 and PS4(?), so jump on that when you can. And again, there are plenty of other wonderful things to say about the game, such as the music and the sheer amount of fun it is blasting away enemies and exploring the environment, but we’d be here all day. And I got lots of other things to work on!
Mkay! So…gonna replay Ratchet: Deadlocked (which I already reviewed), because why not. I’m still…..debating on whether or not I should replay Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters. I really do not like that game, and even tried to sell it.
But I ish a completionist. >__< Of course, in that case, I’d have to buy Secret Agent Clank, along with Quest for Booty, Into the Nexus, All 4 One, and Full Frontal Assault.
Yeah. Scratch that idea.
“Oh, so you spent all that money buying all those shitty Sonic games, but you won’t buy the mediocre Ratchet & Clank games? WTF, JT?!”
Hey.
Shut up. >__>
