Ugh I just really seriously want a rabbit I can't explain why but I just want an adorable little rabbit boy.
Would anyone be willing to help me develop him, or even draw him for me~? c:

First off I wanna thank the new watchers!

and say Hello

The heart

The heart is a place
Either cold or warm.
Where either you belong
Or are shut out.
There is no in between
For two things can not fit.

Your heart is cold
I miss you even so.
Please stop this
As I cant feel my hands
My heart is warm
And I cant feel my hands
Im trying to save you
To pick out all the ice
But I can not feel my hands
I want to be with you
I want to be together
I want to smash my heart
So I can have one like yours
My warmth is escaping
I was so happy to be with you
My heart is cold
where are my hands?

Howdy ladies and germs, haha. That was quite a long hiatus and i'm sorry for that. Lots has gone on and because of that I may be very quiet on here. However, I am still responding to notes so if you want to talk to me that way then feel free to send one on it's way!

Anyways. An update on how I'm doing. I've been alright. I've gotten in touch with a lot of friends over the time I was gone and I suppose that's good. However, My self-image is diminishing. My Fiance hasn't been very happy with me lately and I kind of feel like it's due to my transition. I've thought and thought about halting it and i've just decided to...take it slow...Why try to shove myself face first into being happy? you're supposed to approach it gradually, aren't you?

Also. Today is the anniversary of the day I broke up with a very abusive ex of mine. It was the relationship that. well. made me who I am today, haha. I had a lot of bad luck today, which I guess is expected. This day has never been a happy day for me ever since that day. it's always brought terrible luck and i'm not sure why!

Anywho. I'm still happy on the inside, if that makes sense. Watching people who are in love is kind of calming for me. Especially since I'll never 'truly' know what love is. It makes me warm inside. And I'm happy that im beginning my transition, even if it's causing so much trouble for me. I'm just keeping my chin up, looking forward to being a full-on man. It's going to be hard to adjust to my life in the future. But i'll get over it. I'm sure once i'm there, everything will be happy. I wont be able to be hurt and I will be a strong foundation. Unbreakable. Unscathed. Gosh, sorry for rambling on there! Anyways it's good to see you all again!

I've been wanting a lot of things that I haven't really been getting latlely (well I have yes in small quantitys but not a usual thing which I guess I can understand) and usually I can shrug it off and move on but now its like I just wanna jump on my boyfriend and ask him for a thing but I can't because I'm so shy and I don't wanna Be rude but I'm like so greedy and I love being touched and ughhh.. like its weird but certain (places) ache if they aren't touched enough and this isn't even really sexual either well in a lot of senses yes but ughhhh. Its like I'm fifty fifty like "ohhh yes touch me touch me all over hrnnnghhfdkfrdks" or I'm like "oh god I'm such a disgusting person for loving affection so much ew no don't look at me I am a tree". //flops on the ground// moo. I guess I'm just weird for thinking this???

Hey guys. Expect no activity from me for a little bit. Lately I'm not feeling very well at all and ugh honestly I just want the bae to take care of me send help

Anyway tata

I was feeling affectionate.

And basically indirectly devoted myself to him. "I would die for you."

And then I get stupid blisters on my feet (I should've suffered in silence) and he wanted to carry me but I was feeling nauseous and just wanted to hold his hand and he just kinda shat on me.

I was happy. Moo...

*totallynotclearonTechsaccountoranythingnope*

Love you babe you are the bestest best

Oh I miss him so much already ahh I wanna see him again~ ive got so much planned~

Hearing loss runs in my family and I'm kind of scared that it might happen to me, haha. I think it kinda already is. Then again I have a bad ear, so...


But anyways, moving on. i was taking care of two baby bunnies and I found them dead when I went to feed them. I got so childish and cried like a little girl.

And I'm still kind of sad but typing makes me feel better.

Anyone interested?

It's hard for me to talk or type without cussing what.

I just need the ability to be everything and nothing at the same time so people will be happy. Moo. I need to just stop being so sad all the time and be happy about everything again.

I kinda wish I had the skill or the time to make Lolita stuff because I wish to wear Lolita into the front lines like it is my battle armor

Okay so yeah I feel really shitty about myself like shittier than I've ever felt. I guess I was just too deprived and greedy to realize what was morally right. I genuinely thought it was okay and now I can't forgive myself. Everything flew out the window. My religion, my view on myself, everything. I problem won't be able to look at myself for quite a while because I just feel so disgusting inside ugh ew. I hurt everytime I look at him. And I hate the thought of everything that happened. Ugh gosh whyyyy. I'll be fine in a few hours though..

I'm finally getting art and people like me and people like my characters and people are attacking me with compliments and everyone's so nice and gosh I'm literally so happy right now ;u;

Hi~! I was wondering if anyone who's watching me/sees this journal would be willing to draw my kitty Kira? She doesn't have much art and I'd love to see her get somewhere~! I don't really have money so if you'd draw her for free then whoa hey hi you get two nice points ;u;

I have so much art of my other characters and she's one of mine who just doesn't have much. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14016247/ This is her reference if anyone is interested. Comment if you are~! Even if you dont have "art skills", promo-ing me would be very kind of you <3 thank you guys so very much~!

I just remembered a thing that I was going to do that I never even acted upon and now I feel like poo. I'm lonely and I feel like poo. I was right when I said that most people can't tolerate my sense of humor. And every single thing I liked about myself isn't really relevant anymore.

I think I know how my boyfriend feels now. Because of my tone I always seem sad. Well I'm not! ;A; its a happy day and I'm happy and warm and fuzzy and fml oTL

I kind of want food =w=

I remember when
Someone was called crazy
For blank words scrawled on a paper.
I remember warm and fuzzy
Replaced with cold. And dark.
I remember every happy memory
Replaced by something darker..
I'm not even safe in my dreams
Or my feelings
Its all scary.
I want something
No I don't
I never did
Haha, what are thoughts?
Can't I shut them off?
I don't like what I hear. Well, two of them are nice
And the rest want to watch me drown.
I'm scared.
No I'm not..

I've noticed my stress has gotten really bad and I'm not sure why. I believe it has to do with occurrences.

Supposedly these are the symptoms of extreme anxiety.
[x]Confusion
[xxx]Trembling
[x]Sweating
[]Faintness/dizziness
[x]Rapid heartbeat
[x]Difficulty breathing
[x]Upset stomach or nausea
[x]Restlessness
[x]Avoidance behaviour
[]Irritability

I literally have all but two of those. I was shaking like a leaf and then couldn't sleep just last night. Then this morning I wanted far away from everything.

I'm literally nervous about everything and have noticed that any type of social interaction with people who I don't know is terrifying, and if anyone scares me, even slightly raises their voice I want to get away..

Agh.. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with or treating this?

Motherfuckin Hacked Babe! * evil smile and hops away*


-Love ClearKat

oh look a distraction journal aahahhaha zippity bop bop boop

*Sighs*

he's too precious okay. I don't deserve him. He deserves to have like. two other people excluding me because i'm just not right for him. I mean I touched his face a while ago and looked. *really* looked at him and i just broke into like 29489218901889080 pieces because he's like a perfect little angel and i'm this massive black hole of destruction. he's so beautiful and sweet and sensitive and smart and i'm just mean and also a potato. god, i really don't deserve him .I don't know why he stays with my ass. He deserves so much better than someone who doesn't even know how to love. someone so imperfect like me. ahaha. haha.. i really don't know how i'll ever make myself anywhere even near his caliber but i'll try. I just feel so damn shitty about myself rn. i feel like a porcupine stuck in a blender -n-.