It was a bad decision that I made, and I was already starting to pay the price. Or rather I had already paid the pretty steep price actually. See, I had finally started to get my life back on track, but then I fucked up. See I got myself stuck back where I started, a crappy small town but got a decent job. I had been through masters, mates, and friends traveling the country struggling to make ends meet. But that is when I stopped looking for people, other than for a friend.

So I guess I should explain more, I ran away when I was 18 years old because my family really didn’t like the fact that I was gay. So I ended up finishing High School, working a part-time job, finding love, chasing it, ending up homeless for a while… Then I started to become somewhat stable for a while, but damn… Life had it’s way with me again bouncing between places and trying to get my life on track.

Well I know that is a lot to summarize, but that is besides the point. I ended up back home, after my previous master had a problem living in real life and didn’t want me when I was physically there versus virtually there. But I ended up running back to my hometown, thankfully it worked out because my family member was sick and they offered me to come back in turn for helping out take care and watch them.

I put up a small ad online, waited around and well-tried to figure things out. I got a part time job, got laid off, got another one, but then I finally got my first real full-time job! While all of this was going on, I was getting messages from a sexy and intelligent maned wolf. Then I was also getting some messages from a blue bunny who lived someone close to me. However, that would prove to be my downfall.

So let's go back a bit when I first came back to my hometown I was starting to get upset with living with relatives again and was trying to save up so I could move out. But I also wanted someone as well, but still not sure what I wanted… to be honest I still am not completely sure what it is I actually want. Getting back on topic, the wolf seemed very smart and was really kinda awesome and we started to talk a lot and he was pretty good at roleplaying with me and I quite enjoyed it.

So while I was working the part time jobs and my own freelancing on the side, that silly wolf tried to mess with a server I set up and that just really made me happy knowing about a nerd and how awesome that was. But this was about the time the bunny introduced himself to me, contacted me through the same site that I had bumped into the wolf. He really came off as a really nice guy and he didn’t like to role play too much, but I think I was kinda captivated that he lived only 4 hours from me.

I slowly pulled away from the wolf, even though I felt really connected with him. But the bunny kept giving me promises and telling me he would move in and help start a life with me and well he was older then me and I have a thing for older because typically means more mature. Well would I learn that not to be the case this time.

I started to slowly back off from talking and hanging out with the wolf online, but when it came closer for me telling him I had chosen to be with someone else… He said something, and I wasn’t sure if he was telling me the truth at the time or what… But up till this point, he would do some nice role play, but nothing that would give away how he was into leather, bondage, S&M, and the other kinky stuff I was into. But sadly, in my head at the time it was too late because the bunny I had visited him and he visited me and he was somewhat proven his dominance over me.

Well fast forward a bit, I started sending money to the bunny as he said he had no food or anything to eat and well I wanted to help I was involved. Then he started to get a job for a bit, but he ended up lying to me about how long he had the job. This really upset me and caused me to start to loose doubt, but at this point I felt invested and I had made a deposit on a small studio apartment for us to move into.

Well some time passes, I tried really hard and invested a lot of time in. Replacing his computer when it started to die, help take care of his dog, and his car. He got a job briefly but it only lasted 3 days. Time goes on, I keep trying hard to help ease his stress to only make mine get worse and worse. I finally get down to it, and well then that is when it happened. I finally realized about 7 months in… I was in a one sided relationship. Acting like a parent to a person who doesn’t bring in any money and rarely does stuff around the house.

I started drifting away, and he had opened the relationship. So I started to talk to other people, and then I built up the courage to say hi to that wolf again. I kept seeing his name all the time, I even told people about him. I was too nervous though to message him for fear how mad he might be at me or not even want to talk to me. But he replied…

We started talking, and I started remembering how much I had missed talking to someone that was nerdy like me but also into the kinky stuff I am as well. So that started to help get me out of my shell again. Which eventually along with all the other stuff lead me to breaking up with the bunny.

Now, I know I been kinda just ranting along here… but this is where it gets good. The wolf started to talk to me about the kinky stuff again. So much so he started letting me call him Sir, and such. He is a bit quiet which I dislike, he also doesn’t like to roleplay like he used to which heavily saddens me. But I will say this, out of all the people I been with, he is the only one to not get upset with how submissive I am.

If you knew me, you would understand that. I love to be submissive and do things, not even just sexual but just be obedient. I enjoy being told what to do and think. This wolf, he does that and he does it well. See in the past, I have had people tell me I was too submissive, or too much like a slave. It legit ended several of my relationships, and not to mention was the cause of a few bad ones.

I write this because I am still unsure if this is exactly what I want… I still don’t know what I want. I love being submissive, I love being obedient. I also love being in control though at times, where I am out of the house or working. I like to feel equal at times as well… So I don’t really know what I want.

Anyways, if you bothered to read all of this then I am impressed but I just felt like writing it to get it off my chest.

I have been reflecting up on this week, being Hypno Bear Week. I am someone who is super submissive, and I mean well I am submissive to the point I lost an relationship with the following comment made to me from them "your not a pet, your a fucking slave" and well it is kinda just the way I am in real life. I mean I run and own my own business, but in my personal life outside of my work i am super super submissive. So before you go off and wonder away, saying how is this related, well its quite simple. For real hypnosis, it is normally needed someone to be submissive and receptive.

I mean I have tried to be dominant before, but never works out really well for me unless I am ordered too. I honestly get more out of being submissive than the sex of it, I seriously mean it. I mean if my master told me to go cook him dinner then come back and give it too him, and he ate it while I had to massage his feet. I would get more pleasure out of that than having sex, don't get me wrong the sex is fun too but serving does more for me.

I guess I just want inside the head of a dominant male now, I naturally curious on how it feels giving orders and such. I mean what creates that urge, does it give you pleasure barking the orders or is it getting someone to obey the more for it. What is it for you, and I know it will be different for different doms.

Now for the subs like me out there, weather you are as crazy subby as me or not. What about it gives you the fun of being submissive. Please leave me feedback below :) thank you all sexy furs and scales :p

So I have this kik thing, well have had it for a long time. So if anyone else has kik, feel free to add me "hack13" is the name, and don't wear it out :D

I love to chat sometimes rp...

Alright, for those that don't know. About a little under 3 years ago, I decided to take a big risk and move half way across the USA to be with my master's and well I was prepared after all I had owned my own home, and lived on my own for 2 years at that point all by myself and I was only 18, because I had to run away from home due to my family not wanting a gay child.

So I saved up and waited for my lease on the land to expire, and sold my house to the landlord so he could profit. Then I moved with 450~ in my bank account and then got on a bus and took one of the biggest risks in my life. When I arrived at my first stop, I met my first master there and we were going to take his vehicle all the way down to texas from kansas. Well he didn't have enough for gas so about 300, went into his take all the way down there.

When we had arrived, the other master had changed plans. We then became homeless and a bit stranded, I had spent most of my money getting down there then I had only a bit of money left. I luckly had transferred my job down to texas, so at least I had work. but with food, gas, and a the prison yard of a shelter we could stay at, it took us about 5 months to get out of there. I messed up bad, I shouldn't had done the gas and paid all the way, that was for my safety net in case something would go wrong. We moved back to kansas and me and that master became partners after all that bullshit.

one year later I started my own business after getting fired, it pays the bills and I have a little bit of extra every so often. that is still what I do now.

Another year later, I got kicked out, lost my partner to a woman... got cheated on by someone else... and now I live with some people I met and could afford to rent out a room in a city half way across the country where I know absolutely no one... so yeah..

What do I do with my life now? I just work, work, and work... I hope to find someone for me some day, but right now survival is all that is important to me.

Now why on earth do I have this link here, well this artist is loosing everything and unlike me, it is not his fault. I am plugging him, because I think if anyone needs help it is him. So order a commission or two from him, and help the guy out, I am!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4763485/

Well I am quite stuck at the moment, and I am single. Which for me is kinda painful, not because I can't make it on my own and what not, but because I really really need someone to help me and keep me from going crazy. You see stupid shit worries me, I have this issue with depression and well it kinda get me really depressed but I am able to fight it off almost all day long till it gets really late then I feel like shit at night it all just piles up on me. Which is really weird, but then again whoever said I made sense.

I am been thinking of getting back with one of my ex's that i never really got to be with. But some people are starting to tell me I shouldn't because well that they believe he would just use me for my money. I don't think he would, but I don't mind spending on my partner, it is something I like to do to let them see I care about them. One of my friends told me I need to focus on me and get someone who would do the same for me, spend on me and get me things too. Not end up with someone I take care of, so maybe I shouldn't...

I am just hurtting because I am getting more and more depressed each day I am alone, and well I don't want jump into a relationship either that always ends badly. I just don't know what to do...

advice?...

Today I have been given notice that I must leave where I have heen living. The thing that sucks about this the most is my now ex partner really just has had us cut all ties instead of standing up for me. But I guess this good too, this means to me he was not the right person for me. I have plans to return home and live with my dad, and well not too thrilled about that. I originaly moved to Kansas from Virginia and well now I am going back to the hell hole.

I can tell you right now that I am not ready to hear my bible thumping grandparents telling me "we told you gay relationships never work out" and well... just don't want to deal with it.

Thus now I begin my single life once again.

I been hurting quite bad lately, I really have been. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10228774/ is this journal written on paper.

:( :( :'(

Well... I normally don't write in my FA journal, but I really should start doing so. I have been mated with my awesome hubby wolfy  timberwolf460 who is also my master, he is the biggest hottest wolfy and I am sooo undeserving. When I met him I never thought i would ever see a bisexual man be so much like a straight guy, but one plus he isn't a sports nut ^,...,^ though he does get really all sorts of black grease over his paws working on vehicles all the time. It is going on two years her really soon and me and him have decided to bring in a new member to our relationship, upon much discussion and thought.

He isn't furry, and he isn't gay... (why I always end up with the bi-guys)... he ish a dragon. Not only that, now I gotta put up with 2 video gamers(I don't play video games much), both of my mates are RC car nuts, and they both are big strong sexy dominant creatures and already plotting evil plans for their submissive little folf...(meep... help...)

Alright so things haven’t been that great for me, I have been getting sick easy. I ended up in the hospital the other day. Apparently I may not be able to eat anything acidic ever again, my stomach is eating itself, which kinda sucks(and very painful). I go into work tomorrow, I hope I am still feeling better like I am now. I think work is kinda upset I have been sick. They kinda don’t like people who are sick and have to miss work... but I love my job. Anyways lets go on to topic number two, getting back to work.

Alright I am not sure if I have said this before, but I am in the business of doing things on the side for hobby and small chump change. Like I give away free web hosting under the name Whirled Host and then I own CyberFurz.com and CyberFurz.us and I am currently trying to figure out what type of site to use for this. I know there has to be something that people would want to use or do. Anyways until then, I am giving away free emails under these domains.

Yes to get a <yourname>@cyberfuz.com or <yourname>@cyberfurz.us you can just pass me a note here on FurAffinity or email me at timothy[at]cyberfurz.com to get one. Just a heads up this is not through Google Apps like many like to use, it is through MSN Live, so you can use all the great MSN services through this domain. Including MSN Messenger making your messenger name be <yourname>@cyberfurz.(com/us)

Also if you have ideas for a project/site idea for the domain, please hit me up. I don’t want this domain to go to waste, I got it a while back and well I enjoy it, just need to find it a purpose.

Alright so I haven’t wrote anything for a while, so I am getting back to writing and working on my old novel called Forbidden Destiny. Besides all that, I do have some sad news... it would seem that for some reason I haven’t been feeling to well physically and mentally... anyways I am sure it will all pass.

In other news, my big sexy wolfy is going away for the holiday and leaving me behind :( but I guess I just gotta deal with it. I am going to miss him, he is going to be gone December 20th through 27th and to me that really sucks.. He promises next year I can go.. I guess it’s normal... holidays are normally my loneliest times of the year anyways. I just miss my friends way back in Virginia, I don’t really know anyone out here in Kansas... I will get over it eventually, I will just try to get work all those days.

Anyways I ughm... I... grrrr.... I am not sure... I guess I am stupid cause I don’t know what to think and I want to write something but I don’t know what to write. The biggest problem, writers block it’s what kills us writers. Anyways, until next time... stay furry >,...,<

So yeah, cannot believe I signed up for FA but I talked myself into it. I always thought that since I cannot draw worth shit, this would be pointless, but someone said I should put my writing tallent to the test and work on creating stories for furs to read. So I signed up and I am going to start writing some new material and see what people think and have to say. Also I love constructive critisim so that should help me out some too. Anyways, love all of you!