I had been a little reluctant to post about it for two reasons: One is that my emotions on this have not yet settled and so I have yet to really solidify what I think about this. I am allowed to change my mind depending on what I feel after emotions settle and after I see whether or not it is followed up by action. Additionally I'm still traveling so I don't want to weigh my mind on it too much. The second reason is, I don't feel like dealing with trolling from certain people who could potentially come and pour salt on my wounds like has been done before. Here however are my initial reactions.

This apology is a big step in the right direction, and it changes the conversation a lot now. We can finally begin to have some dialogue towards healing, and though it will take a lot of time and work, all journeys begin with the first step. I can't imagine how many people that speech bothered, especially those Catholics who held firm that the ends justified the means and that the participation in genocide was a price worth paying for bringing their religion. Yes I have personally had people tell me that, and it is an extremely painful thing to hear when my family was affected by it. Pope Francis has given a voice of reconciliation that had been needed for a long time.

What happens now though? Things are unfortunately not all love and flowers. There is still another thorn on the side (among possibly others as well) that needs to be removed, and it is a non-negotiable. Pope Francis can not canonize Junipero Serra as a saint. To do so would be to pour salt on wounds many Native peoples in California still carry, as well as remind us that, in fact, to most, bringing the Catholic Church to the Americas was important enough to justify all that was done to us, especially in most recent history: all the children who were severely tortured and died in the Catholic boarding schools. An apology isn't going to make all of these things go away; but let me reiterate that an apology is a great step in the direction of making things right and this is why it is a big deal; but there has to be consistency. The canonization of Junipero Serra has to cease. To do that would be a massive step backwards in healing.

So now one might ask, what are the next steps for healing now that this apology has taken place? I don't have all the answers. The apology itself has made me feel many emotions as someone who's family and ancestors were affected by the acts committed against us. What I hope is that from here, individual communities can meet with local Catholic leaders and begin some dialogue. The dialogue has to include voices of people who were directly affected by it (and many are still living today). Then there needs to be a discussion about how to make things right again, and once again I don't know what all those things are. I myself am just one person who has been caught in the middle of this issue. There has to be understanding that we as Native people are not going to start all trusting religions overnight, and have to accept that many might never do so again. I myself don't know how I am going to come out of this and how I will feel at the end. I am also at odds with this religion not only on this front but also because of my gender and sexuality and that is not going to go away. This has to be approached delicately in consideration of those experiencing trauma. I want to say that this is going to make healing begin as I said, but I have to insist that the canonization of Junipero Serra can't happen. It would sabotage all that Pope Francis has done here by apologizing. Especially after the good this brings for the future.

I hate to end the journal this way but here are some rules for commenting:
-Please keep it civil
-Please don't tell me or us Native people to just "get over it"
-Please don't tell me how I need to feel or what I need to do
-Please don't pretend you know how to fix an issue that is centuries old, you don't.

Thank you

Just a little travel update. I've been having a good time meeting and doing work with people. Met many people out here and made many new friends. But as a Hidatsa man said the other day, "Indians don't make friends, they make relatives." The landscape is stunning and powerful. At times the energy is good and other times the energy is painful from all that have happened here. I have seen the Black Hills, Bear Butte, Spearfish Canyon, and much more. I am currently still on one of the reservations as we speak.

I still have one more week here, I have done both some good work and had some fun as well. Despite the fact I still have another week, I already feel like I don't want to leave. I feel like I want to permanently settle here. I'm not naive, I know this is not a place for a gender-queer/trans person, and the racism against American Indians is apparent. I also am aware of the fact I am here during the time of year when the weather is nice, and that the winters here are brutal, but it feels like somewhere where I could settle. I feel like the land has embraced me, I feel a warmth I have not felt since being in Arizona. This place feels right. I'll be sad to leave for sure but for now I am enjoying these lands to the fullest, and meeting many great people.

After a very turbulent 3 hour flight from Boston to Minneapolis and a 9 hour drive from Minneapolis to Rapid City, South Dakota. I was exhausted but this morning I feel better. Later this morning I'm headed to the conference on Native health. Tomorrow evening I head to the reservation I'll continue to be sort of disconnected. Also I should mention that this land is making me feel some very intense feelings. A lot of energy is in this land, and not all of it is good. There is a lot of pain. I will go into detail privately if anyone wants to know, but for now I am trying to take in this experience. I'll update in the near future.

I was eating some nuts yesterday. One of them was abnormally harder than the rest. When I bit down, I chipped one of my teeth. I went in today for an emergency dentist visit to get it repaired. Well my problems didn't end there.

For whatever reason, anesthesia wouldn't kick in for me. The first round hardly had any effect at all and the second round had only a partial effect. I decided to brave it and just go along and let them do it. Maybe that was a mistake on my part, but this procedure was painful beyond words can describe. I can't remember when I was last in this much pain. Funny enough when I chipped my tooth, my tooth didn't hurt, I felt fine. It wasn't until the procedure was being done that it hurt like hell.

Right now I'm in bed, and I can't sleep, not because of my tooth but because I'm just in shock at how much pain that was. I am convinced that it was the dentist. I know that dentist visits are unpleasant in nature, but this was beyond what I could describe. I am laying in bed not in pain but in shock at how awful that was. And now I'm even more scared to ever go back to the dentist ever again, whereas earlier today I felt like I was still game for anything.

I'm glad it happened before all my trips, but also hope that the problem is fixed as it should have been.

My summer is turning out to be a really good one and I am getting a lot of traveling in, which will begin next weekend. This coming weekend is the Mashpee Wampanoag Pow Wow in the cape, the biggest pow wow in the New England region. It should be a blast! It's a competition pow wow so we will want to sound good, though for us it's not about the money or winning, it's about singing for the people. If you are in Massachusetts or Rhode Island you should plan to try and come! I promise you it is worth your time. More is here: https://www.facebook.com/mwtribe/vi.....8/?pnref=story

Immediately after the pow wow I'm flying to Minneapolis to then drive to Rapid City, SD to begin my trip to the Dakotas. I'll be attending a conference there on Native health and then doing some visiting of places, including the Black Hills; a place I have wanted to see for a long time. I'll be visiting a few Indian reservations and will be camping. As a result my connectivity is going to be limited so if you don't see me on social media as much, that's why; though knowing me, I'll probably find a way to log on and update, heh...

Finally, I just bought my plane ticket a few days ago to go back home in August. I'll be flying into Phoenix and being picked up from there. It's a trip that I desperately need as many of you probably know. I'll also be spending some time in SoCal on that trip to visit my friends out there. I can't wait to hang out with you all again. This trip will also mark the first time I meet with my elders since coming out with my gender identity. These will be important steps for me culturally and spiritually to become the person I need to be. To describe what is going to happen and what is happening inside me is something that can not be put into English words. As I discover these things, I understand why elders urge us to learn our languages, because the Dineh language has words that perfectly describe what I am and what is happening in my growth, and there is no English translation, and there is no way to translate it in a way where it will make sense. I will say though that I am blessed to have them help me. I am blessed to have all of you guys as friends too, helping me and supporting me every step of the way.

As I look toward the future and continue my career here in Boston, I start to realize how much I've grown, and it seems the more I grow up, the more I realize I have a lot more growing up to do, more learning to do. My journey still has so much road for me to travel. Maybe all these trips are a sign of what is to come. There is a lot for me to learn and it excites me when I think about how much I've learned in only the last few years. I am blessed. Thank you all who took time to read this! <3

Most of us are very happy with today's news, and rightly so, it is a really good victory for gay rights. I only send some words of caution for the future: This is not over. Don't forget that in 29 states you can still get fired just for being gay. There are still protections that are lacking in these states that will need to be worked on. Also, we can not forget about the T in LGBT. The trans community is still fighting for the most basic acceptance and there is still widespread discrimination and even violence against trans people, especially trans people of color. While this is a great victory, the worst thing we could do right now is be complacent and think this is now all over and that everything is all good now.

It's been quite a tragic start to the month with the deaths of two composers who have shaped who I am as a composer and musician and left an impression in their ends of the field; one a concert music composer and another a film composer. I was going to record something today in honor of James Horner but the studio is in use today so it will have to wait.

I met Gunther Schuller while studying in Boston. He came to our school and his music was performed. He also gave a talk to all the composition students there. He was an amazing mind to listen to. He is probably best known for his work combining jazz and classical music.



James Horner is probably very well known at this point and there isn't much more that can be said that hasn't been said already. On a personal note, he was one of the first composers I heard growing up while watching those childhood movies like Fievel Goes West and Once Upon a Forest.



To both as they depart, I say thank you for being part of my formation as a classical musician and composer.

As you all know I have for the last few months been looking for work, and had also gotten offered the job of choral director of the community choir which I had until the end of the month to answer.

I have decided to ACCEPT the job as choir director of this group here in Boston and renew my contract at my other job! This means I will be staying in Boston, at least for 1 more year and likely a little longer. It was a very difficult decision but after getting some clarity on it, I just sat down and asked myself sincerely, "How the hell are you going to turn an offer like this down?" So there it is, I am now officially a choir director! It feels good. <3 For the sake of my privacy and keeping my professional life separate from the fandom, I will not say which choir it is, but you will still get to hear us sing when I make some uploads. We have two home concerts a year and possibly will perform elsewhere as well!

It has been a very difficult decision, probably the hardest decision of my life. I made the decision while out in Maine hanging out with  Betsy who actually helped me see this from an outsider perspective.

What pushed me over the edge to make this decision is this: I need to think about my career in the long run and not in the short run and right now I have too many things going on in Boston musically to just drop it all and leave. I will get my chance to move, it just isn't now. My goal is still to relocate to Arizona sooner or later, but hopefully with a more established job, OR to complete another degree. I also can not let the chance to work with the Wampanoag people in legal battles pass me by. I very much want to be able to become this warrior I have always wanted to be, in this case in the courts and in the legal system, trying to win back the lands of the Native people here. Even though my tribe is back in the southwest, I have grown attached to the community here.

I won't lie, I am still questioning myself as to whether I made the right decision. It's most certainly difficult; but there is no turning back now. I have made my decision and the train has left the station. Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare to continue my life here in Boston!


PS: When you have a chance, take a listen to the choir I conducted last May where I'll be the conductor from here on out: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16852408/

First thing's first. I can't get over how amazing this pic is. I watched Betsy do this from the beginning as I am visiting her at the moment: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16841210/

She just nailed it <3

So there's actually a bit of a backstory to that pic. This past spring, I was the interim conductor of a community choir that only just formed. I got to conduct their first concert, a spring concert, while they searched for a permanent conductor. This was a huge deal for me, as this was the first time I conducted an entire concert! It was a total thrill and a big advancement in my career. As you guys know, I've also been looking for a job in Phoenix, to which there is STILL not much movement, much to my great disappointment. However, there have just been a few pieces of news that just might hold me in Boston, but they are mostly very good.

First thing is first: the most amazing bit of news. The choir where I was interim conductor has asked me if I would like to have the job PERMANENTLY! This is HUGE for me you guys! This isn't a massive paycheck I'm taking home from this but it is going to look good for my reputation to be known as the director of an ensemble, or in this case a choir; and plus, I LOVE conducting! So that is the biggest news I have. I have until the end of June to decide whether I want to keep it. Why the hell wouldn't I take it? Well I'm waiting to hear back form a few places in Phoenix, and one of those places is another choir, so I could potentially do this job back in my home state, where I would get to do the same thing. The thing is, i still haven't heard from them and it's a bit of a gamble to try and pursue that. At the moment I am leaning toward taking that job, and really, it'll be determined by whether or not I get a phone call from Phoenix in the next two weeks. It would actually look really good to say that I started this choir from it's formation and turned it into something more major. The fun part for you guys is, I'll be uploading recordings from that spring concert where I was conducting, so you can hear my group in action!

On a more somewhat unrelated note, just this past weekend I received some wonderful news via one of my friends who is now fighting in the courts for his tribe and his neighbor tribes to settle treaty disputes. Recently he won a case against the government and is motivated now to continue to battle for tribal rights in court, and he wants several of us to be on his team, which I am currently very motivated about and seeing his vigor and his motivation to help his people has actually inspired me a lot, and I actually very much like the idea of being able to work with him. Not only that, but he spoke about possibly getting funding for me and the others to pursue further education that would help us in legal disputes between tribes and federal and state governments. This is really exciting and I have grown attached to many of the people of the tribes of Massachusetts and New England. Their hospitality has been so great and I want to give back, after all I left my community behind to come here and I didn't know anyone. To have been welcomed with open arms has been great.


So from all that is going on, in summation, I may well be staying here in Boston much longer. I want to go home, I really do, but maybe the fact I haven't found anything means Creator needs me here. Certainly it took a very powerful force to uproot me from my native lands, and another powerful force that is keeping me here much longer than I anticipated that I would. I have two weeks to figure things out. I am currently in Maine visiting Betsy, and I will probably be traveling further north tomorrow. It will be good to get away from my Boston place and take it easy for a while. I've worked very hard on my music and I love what I do, and I love that it is reaching people.

As always thanks to everyone who comes on here and supports my music by listening, commenting, and favoriting my work. Whether I answer your comments or not, I always appreciate them greatly. I hope you continue to enjoy my uploads, and you'll be hearing some of the group I conducted sometime this week! Stay tuned!

Over the course of the next 2-3 months I'll be doing a lot of traveling...

This coming weekend I'm going to Southern Maine for a pow wow.
During the week next week a trip to central New Hampshire for a leisure trip.
The following weekend I'm going to Newport, Rhode Island for a performance I will be doing.

July will start off with a trip to Cape Cod, MA for the big Mashpee Pow wow.
Immediately following that, I will be flying out to Minneapolis, Minnesota on my travels toward the plains.
I'll then be in Fargo, North Dakota, probably visiting a few places around ND like Bismark.
Me and a friend will then drive down to Rapid City, South Dakota to among many other things, see the Black Hills for the first time, and meet friends of hers in one of the Indian reservations nearby.

After that trip to the plains I will be coming back and sometime in late July probably camping with a friend out in Vermont.

Later in August or early September is a much anticipated trip back home (Uncertain still whether I'll be moving yet), and I will be seeing both New Mexico and Arizona, and possibly Southern California as well.


I am remarkably blessed to have the opportunity to travel this much. Last year had been the year I had traveled the most, but this year is easily going to top it. I still look back and think about how I didn't realize the world was so big when I lived back where I come from, and I'm getting to see more of it all the time, and as of now I'm only traveling within the US. Hopefully my trips will soon expand in more directions!

If there's one thing that we as Native people struggle with that most people are completely unaware about, it's the fact that we're virtually invisible to the public eye. This is difficult for a few reasons. The first being, you get no representation, your unique voice is essentially not given any listening. The second being, the stereotypes presented about you end up being the voice that speaks for you, and it speaks for you in the most awful ways possible. I will link an article here that sums it up well.

As this article puts it: "How can we expect support for our sovereignty, our tribally controlled schools, healthcare, and housing, our environmental concerns, our children, our women, our elders, or our land if 90% of America, including our government officials, only see us as these narrow stereotypes? When you’re invisible in society (which carries through to congress–only 2 Native people in the 115th congress), every representation matters. Clearly, our politicians aren’t immune to these deep-seated stereotypes, and this isn’t something minor that can just be shrugged off. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer the leader of the United States not blatantly frame Native peoples as the “bad guys” before he/she even steps into office."

http://nativeappropriations.com/201.....l-edition.html

So the reason I am posting this here right now is because of a few unfortunate postings I've seen on FA lately. I don't know why but the last few days I ran into several artists drawing stereotypical art of "Native" people that was so bad it borders on racist. I message people if I think their art is particularly egregious. I have to speak out against it. For reasons shown above, these things are not harmless. One such person I messaged, telling them their drawing of a headdress on a nude character was offensive. She responded by saying I was rude for saying so. I was rude? When the art is stealing MY culture and ridiculing it with stereotypes that make us more invisible? And to top it all off, using such a sacred object such as a headdress, only to be worn ceremonially by male elders who have spent their lives doing honorable deeds to earn it.

Another person gave me the excuse that he/she didn't have enough resources to properly learn about "Native culture" before making their character. Isn't that a good reasons to wait until you DO learn? Here's the problem with people who say that, and A LOT of people say that. I've run into people who think they are familiar with a Native culture because they read a book or they went to ONE open circle ceremony. Let me explain to you reality, as an actual Native person. I've been learning over the course of my 27 solar years. I'm still FAR from an expert on my culture, and I'm still far from getting to understand our cultures as well as my elders do. How arrogant are some non-Native people then, to say that they "practice" Native culture when they don't even have the guidance of an elder or community (and most of our practices involve community so I don't know how exactly you're "practicing our ways").

To not make this journal go on too much longer, I'll talk about one more thing I see a lot: the selling and commissioning of dreamcatchers. It happens a lot on FA. Where do I even begin with this? First of all they're often labeled as "Native American dreamcatchers", when they're not some pan-tribal tradition. They're specifically from the Ojibwe nations and are present in some plains tribes as well. They aren't supposed to be sold, and even if they are sold, to sell "Native" objects is to steal the profit of actual Native artists who depend on their profits to survive. It is not yours to take and make what you want of it. Dreamcatchers are not some art form from some mythical land. That tradition belongs to living people. Stop making them and selling them like they are free game. Have some decency.

So please, now you have a better idea of why these things are not okay, and how you can cause some considerable damage in the long run. We as Native people have a right to speak out and we have a right to call you out if you do this. Don't be a cultural thief. Actually be creative, try and educate yourself about the actual cultures, and do something more than resorting to stereotypes about Native people, because that's just lazy and mediocre; and it affects us as Native people. Not only does it affect us, these are our beloved sacred cultures. Is it really too much to ask to show some respect? Or is your lazy fantasy more important to you than our dignity? We are justified in our anger when these things happen. We are justified because we have to put up with more than you will ever realize to keep ourselves going as a people. Don't make it harder!

A friend and colleague of mine was fired this past week from her job, and normally I wouldn't make a journal about it, but I feel the need to write about this because this is actually just very telling about society.

My friend was teaching music at a public high school. I actually would assist her from time to time in the classroom. She was doing really wonderful marvels with these kids. So why the hell would she be fired?

Well to give a little context. Every time I went, the kids were really whiny about everything, and giving her a hard time. Now that describes high school students everywhere, sure; but it seems parents complained to the principal or whoever was in charge, and told him/her that my colleague was being "too strict". Apparently because of this, parents insisted they fire her, and they caved and did so. Now, again, I was in the classroom very often with her, and I know these accusations are bullshit. This high school is in a well-off neighborhood with a lot of wealthy and powerful adults as parents and it's hard to imagine that that did not play a role in this. In the area where I lived when I was in high school it was not too unusual for parents to complain about certain teachers, but often times either nothing was done, or the teacher was given a useless verbal warning. This is still happening (I have former friends who now work there).

But here's the thing, if these HIGH SCHOOL students can whine their way into getting adults around them removed, what society are they going to think they live in? One where you can whine to your mommy and daddy to get any person you don't like removed from you? One where these students, because of the power of their parents, can intimidate teachers into doing what they want? No doubt these kids later get into schools like Harvard and Yale, where they trash student neighborhoods (like the one I used to live in) having out of control parties, and showing no form of respect to anyone around them.

I am really sad for my friend. This situation is so unfair for her, especially when she really was doing great things with the music program there. In the end I tried to tell her to just say "fuck them" and that another opportunity will present itself, which is not totally true given how hard it is for a musician to survive, but I did not know what else to say to her to cheer her up. It's hard not to be bitter about those whiny kids who got her fired too. It would be naive to think that this does not happen often around the country.

Me personally, while I would not subject myself to abuse just because someone is an authority figure, I would like to think I respect their work and all they did to get to where they are. At least respecting knowledge and wisdom. I hope I never have to deal with a situation like this. I can't imagine what it would do to me if that was done to me.

Yep, 27 years ago, a little mouse was born in a city hospital. My birthday is not actually today but happened within the last few days. Don't worry and don't feel bad that you didn't say "Happy Birthday". I have had a good few days of fun so I'm very satisfied, and I'm not the type that feels like every birthday needs to be the best day of the year for me and that everything needs to happen just right. Really it is just another day. Every day is your birthday. Every day you wake up upon the blessings of our mother the earth who gives you gifts. Every day you wake up with the Creator who blessed you with the gift of life, and gave you yet another day. So if you get gifts every day of your life, would it not then be your birthday everyday?

This past weekend was spent at Harvard University Pow Wow where I spent the day singing with my buddies on our drum group, providing the music for the many dancers in regalia. The weather was absolutely perfect, and we could not asked for a better time. I also got to enjoy the best Vietnamese food I have had since I moved to Boston which was exactly what I was hoping for. Even my friends could tell that was the most I enjoyed food in a long time. I ended up being given two cakes, which is so bad, so much sweets, but I enjoyed some slices nonetheless.

What was something maybe unusual I did on my birthday. Well, I was at a park with a friend and we spent some time cleaning it out. It was actually pretty awful to see how people just dump their things right on the earth that provided for them. It took no more than 10 minutes to clean the area out. It is a reminder to me that this society sees itself above the earth, a tool to use as they see fit. That is not what the earth is. The sooner we can learn to respect and love the earth, the sooner we can have a better environment, and even a more balanced world in many aspects.

Throughout the day, I had moments where I missed home again. I did have a great time, but at moments, I just wished I could be home, and it was rough but I took consolation in the fact I will be home soon. Unfortunately, some traumatic memories came back to me as well, while I was out with friends, and I had to hold in my emotions. I ended up being alright, and as I have said before, I do not expect my birthday to somehow be that perfect one day in the year. That being said, I did not get the worst of it. My friend actually had his PTSD really badly triggered. To put it in perspective, I struggle emotionally and psychologically with a lot of things that happened to me in my past, and these things still creep up on me and make me feel a lot of emotional pain to this day; but my friend has this times 10! I am actually glad I was there when he had been triggered, because I was able to hold him in my arms when he was crying in horror. While it was a bad experience, for the both of us, I counted this as a blessing that I have a friend like him. That is what we do, we realize how blessed we are, and we are happy together in our families and friendships.

As always, I reflected about where I am in my life, and all that I've done to get here, all the things that I lived through and how it has shaped who I am today. I see it as a positive sign that my past, while I still remember it, is haunting me and hurting me less, and all the meanwhile I can acknowledge that these things happened, rather than avoid them like I used to do. I can look at them and see that they shaped my life, that they made me stronger, unstoppable even. It doesn't mean that I don't still get bad episodes where I have horrible panic attacks and bad depression, but lately I have been much more in control. I am becoming the woman I want to be. I have come such a long way from the person I was. I have been traveling so much, to so many states, and traveling to even more states this summer.

What a better way to experience a birthday, than to be able to say, I can see before my eyes that I am blessed, and that I have grown, and that I have what I need to help those around me. I do not need a "perfect" day on my birthday for me to feel that my birthday is great. Remember though that your birthday is everyday, and that you are getting gifts everyday. Remember to say thanks for those gifts every day!

...and also people who go a step further and insult this type of music by saying it's just "speaking over a beat", please, not only is this WAY overly simplistic, it just makes you sound ignorant. It's really clear that you have not actually sat and listened to enough rap and understand where it originated from, and you have probably only been hearing the more modern mainstream rap which has distanced itself from its origins.

I get it. Rap isn't for everyone, and if you don't like it, that's perfectly fine, but this is more calling out people who have listened to only a few mainstream rap songs and decided that that was enough for them to know they "hate" it, and sometimes even go one step further and say that it glorifies crime; an even more ignorant statement.

There is in fact a trend in recent years that has turned hip-hop and rap into basically about getting money and getting sex, and I have heard from many rap artists that this type of rap abandons the very essence of its origin. Rap originated from oppressed communities, particularly black communities in New York City. It was the one type of music at the time that spoke to people who lived in those oppressed situations. It was the one type of music that spoke about their reality, that made them feel understood, that they were not alone. Going into about the 80s, you started getting the really "violent" sounding stuff, but people mistake this as glorifying rather than, it's expressing a reality that is invisible to mainstream America. This is KEY to understanding rap music. Yah, it isn't pretty. Ask someone like me if I enjoyed having to live it growing up.

With all the mainstream rap now that is more about making money and the like, I recommend you turn to non-mainstream rap. There is a lot of really good rap music you can find that is amazing, both musically and in the lyrics. You can't listen to rap and expect to hear the same things you hear in country music for example. You have to come to understand the world we live in.

There are many great rappers. The three I like listening to are Immortal Technique, Nake Nula Waln, and Nataanii Means. I strongly recommend listening to Immortal Technique. The topics of which he raps about are not pretty things, but think about the fact that they speak to us who are, or have lived in these worlds invisible to the mainstream, and even those who haven't been a part of this world enjoy this music. Give rap music a chance and see it through another lens. Do not judge it like you do with other genres of music.

I'll be visiting these two states for the first time ever, per invitation of a friend. So, my friend is actually in North Dakota and the cheapest way to get there from Boston is to fly to Minneapolis and then take a train to Fargo. Since I've never seen Minneapolis, I'd like to spend at least a day there to get to know it a little. This will be my first time in the plains and I am excited to meet new people, and particularly the Native community where my friend works. If there are any furs in Fargo/Moorhead or Minneapolis, let me know!

Musician and original American Indian Movement member was at U Mass Amherst where I'm at the Native American student association event. He was a speaker there and I shook his hand. Naturally his presence caused some controversy because of his past and his statements, but I felt honored to meet him! The fun has just being. Pow wow tomorrow and apparently he's going to be there too!

I just called one of the places where I applied for work to ask them what the status of their search is. Well, they then told me that they never got an application from me. I immediately seconds later looked at my sent folder for the email I sent to them and I DID send them my application! The guy I'm on the phone with then jokingly says, "Oh haha sometimes i accidentally delete things I shouldn't have deleted." Which was like a punch to the stomach. I ask once again where the search is and he tells me that they already have a finalist, and only if things don't work out with him will they search again through applications and THEN I'd get a chance. I resent my application and they confirmed they got it this time, but this is so unfair because I did everything I was supposed to and because of THEIR fuck up, my chances of getting this job have been hindered. This was a position I was very qualified for and it would have been a massive step for me. I can't even begin to describe how upset I am with this development. I'm just going to try and get through the day since I'm at the office, and try not to get more upset than I already am.

A thank you to  Zidders for actually bringing this to my attention. I would have honestly not known if it weren't for a few people making mention of it.

http://www.pqmonthly.com/march-31st.....sibility/22226

This is the first time a day like this takes on so much meaning for me for obvious reasons. Last year I remember the Trans Day of Remembrance remembering all those who lost their lives to violence against gender non-conformant people. The stats on that link actually made me pretty sad despite the fact I sort of already knew. I am not in the habit of asking people to feel sorry for me and much rather people be happy for me for what I have done, who I am, and what I have discovered about myself. That said, one of the statistics jumped out at me in a terrifying fashion. Trans people of color have a 1 in 8 chance of being murdered. While that shocked me, it won't deter me from being myself, and I have never let fear stop me, even when fear at times in my life has been overwhelming.

I am very fortunate however to have many trans friends who have done their transitions, and they have made it so much easier for me to begin this journey, much easier than they had to do. For that reason, they are my heroes. Not to get all sappy but it makes a massive difference to have friends with these experiences and can guide my own journey as I go forward. Times are changing for the better for trans people, but we still have a long way to go in terms of visibility, acceptance, and understanding. I have seen even many on FA not completely understanding what it is about and passing judgement, but things are definitely getting better. Thank you all out there who support your trans friends and love them with all your heart, and thank you to all who have done that for me.

Continuing from the past updates. There unfortunately has not been much movement in terms of my move. I'm frustrated to say the least and I was hoping something would have come up for me by now but it has not. Right now the only thing I have to look forward to is my summer which I will spend partly in LA and partly on the reservation. I am looking forward to having a ceremony on the rez in light of my gender identity which my elders are preparing for me. My job search continues and I'm still hoping on a job I applied for in Seattle. We will see what comes of it. If not, I will be spending time back home.

Despite all those frustrations and such I wanted to say something in regards to my depression that I've been suffering with for years now. That is to say, ever since I came out to myself as trans/g-queer, I have stopped having any episodes of depression. I am the best I've ever been and I couldn't be more grateful. At the very least on that front, things are looking up. I was facing one or two episodes of heavy depression and sadness a week, but now I haven't had a single episode for more than a month. I am in balance more than anything, and I feel optimistic. Hopefully, my job search brings me some good news soon.

First of all, a big thank you to all who watched my new account so quickly. I have yet to get all the watchers back but hopefully I will change that soon! I'm doing uploads little by little and slowly transferring most of what I had on my former account to this account. I also once again want to say how blessed I am to have so much support and views from you all to my uploads. If you enjoy, please spread the word and recommend my music to others out there!

I also wanted to write this journal to ask you all what you like most about my music (including that of my former account) and what you would like to see more of:

Original Instrumental Compositions: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3667029/
Orchestra/Band Performances: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4481319/
Chamber Music: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15237066/
Solo Piano Music: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13023804/
Instrumental Covers of Movie Songs: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15736974/
American Indian Music: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14633182/
Something Else (Specify): Pop covers? Video Game music? Collaborations? Other genres?

Your input is greatly appreciated! Speaking of which, I am always open to collaborations so please do comment here or note me if you have something you'd like to play/record together, or if you just want to think of something for us to perform!

Hello everyone and welcome! I am very excited to get started in my new space.

This is the new account of  junipersquirrel Watch me here for all my new uploads now! Thank you all who have continued to support my musical journey and been so supportive of my works!