Done with furry, sorry, but it's not any different than any other group of people.

I just had to deal with some really awful things in my life. One of my best friends found out he may have lung cancer at ripe ol' 21.

I think he'll be alright.

For me, however, I have had something growing on my face and of course I thought it was just an ingrown hair. I let it go, let it do its thing and then one morning things had gotten way, way worse.

For a while I was fighting my new roommates (finally out of my dads house and living in town in an apartment that I actually have a name on) for weeks about going to the hospital/doctor. I finally went to the doctor this past Friday and what I found out was kind of fucked up.

Turns out that the growth wasn't an ingrown hair at all... Its an infection that was spreading up my face. If I had let it get above my jaw line, the infection would have spread to my brain in an attempt to drain, causing me a lot of problems, pain and possibly death. So I was prescribed antibiotics and so far it hasn't gotten worse. Gives me a little hope.

That's what's been up with me. Oh, I have a couple new tracks I'm going to be throwing up.

I've been questioning a lot of things recently... like... why am I still around and why do I keep trying so hard just to fail. Someone told me that the real problem is I'm not trying at all, but that doesn't make sense. I went out of my way to make new friends because my old ones seemed to have just decided I'm not worth their time... except for Skritch (thank you). Some local furs want to put together a meet for all the local Conway furries since apparently the meet in Little Rock doesn't want anyone else to come (which makes you a bunch of assholes, just saying). I got tarot readings from like, a hundred different people it felt like and they all told me that I need a new hobby and need to fall in love with someone. So yeah, lots of questions, not that any of you have answers. I'm sure I'll just get bitched at because someone will take this journal as an attack against them. All I have to say to them is... uh, fuck you =).

Met a whole bunch of new furs and stuff. Had a really exciting week, moving out of my dads house, soon, just to babysit a friends house until i'm cleaned up and having a job. I figure that's a pretty sweet deal, i'm not going to fuck it up.

I feel blank. Although, I did see Skrillex last night B) which was very cool. Unfortunately all of the gay guys were hiding. I literally could not find any. I didn't think it was that bad in Arkansas but apparently they have all gone into hiding.

Been in a better mood, I guess, or at least I feel like I'm doing a lot better around friends. I'm still not exactly sure how to get over the depression but at least it's not dragging me down anymore. I'm not bent out of shape when I don't have plans or they don't work out. I hate sitting here and doing nothing. That's the biggest thing. I've taken to helping out a friends mother whenever she needs it; mowing lawns, baby sitting. Other than that I just sit... and watch things I've watched a million times before. I beat Fable 3 in like one sitting (all side quests except the Gnomes) just because I literally have that much free time. Dad finally made me talk to him, trying to figure out what's going on so I finally told him. I don't think it'll change anything for better or worse, but at least it's off my chest.

I'm going to try and find myself... I know that sounds corny but I'm wanting to make some changes and tweaks to my character sheet so to speak. So far I'm doing good. Two whole days without a hissy fit and actually being attentive. Gonna see if it keeps up. Totally awesome weekend planned, although it may not work out like I want it to =(.