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Well damn. Free food. Free art. And an update to the podcast
Posted 12 years agoOh the insanity! I missed missouri. I really did. But a 2 am text saying "meet me here. Its an emergency!" Only to have it be a welcome home party is a bit much.
On to better news. The Dvd has paid for its self the first day of it being for sale at the conventions. Which makes me happy for two reasons.
1. People like thw show enough to want to take me home with them. *wink*
2. I am still making people laugh. Which means I am doing something right
By the way.
You all rock!
On to better news. The Dvd has paid for its self the first day of it being for sale at the conventions. Which makes me happy for two reasons.
1. People like thw show enough to want to take me home with them. *wink*
2. I am still making people laugh. Which means I am doing something right
By the way.
You all rock!
Months on the road. Finally home!
Posted 12 years agoAfter months of being on the road. Either for comedy. Or for singing I am finally home. Saint Louis. I'm back! The filming is almost wrapped up. I got a kick out of seeing the major changes in the way filming is done now.
Though I know they likely won't see this. I have to give a major hats off the the men and women who busted their asses to make this an amazing DVD release. With out them this DVD really wouldn't have been able to be done.
I also have to give a thumbs up to several furs who have been there through the years and kept me in good spirits. Even through the tough times.
However to all of you. You truly are a testament to culture and art. The fur community is made up of some of the most fanastic and incredibly creative people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
So be it for yohr support and friendship, or something as simple as a wave hello.
To the fandom at large. Thank you.
And now that I am home.
The podcasts will return.
Stay tuned!
Tracer
Though I know they likely won't see this. I have to give a major hats off the the men and women who busted their asses to make this an amazing DVD release. With out them this DVD really wouldn't have been able to be done.
I also have to give a thumbs up to several furs who have been there through the years and kept me in good spirits. Even through the tough times.
However to all of you. You truly are a testament to culture and art. The fur community is made up of some of the most fanastic and incredibly creative people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
So be it for yohr support and friendship, or something as simple as a wave hello.
To the fandom at large. Thank you.
And now that I am home.
The podcasts will return.
Stay tuned!
Tracer
On The Road again?!?!?!?
Posted 12 years agoOk,
So filming for the new Dvd "Split Personalities" has begun.
"Pissing off my Inner Child" had to be postponed due to lack of artists interested in getting a paycheck. And here I find myself traveling more than I probably should... but hey, a Raccoon's gotta eat.
I miss hearing from everyone.
Drop me a line here on my journal from time to time and say hi. Let me know what you have all been up to. Miss checking in on everyone.
I hope you are all well.
Well, I have a show in 6 hours. SO need to sleep.
Rest assured, my pod cast will be returning as soon as I do. Also, when I post next. I should have some interesting news ^_^ (Here's hoping!)
As always,
Take Care!
~Tracer~
So filming for the new Dvd "Split Personalities" has begun.
"Pissing off my Inner Child" had to be postponed due to lack of artists interested in getting a paycheck. And here I find myself traveling more than I probably should... but hey, a Raccoon's gotta eat.
I miss hearing from everyone.
Drop me a line here on my journal from time to time and say hi. Let me know what you have all been up to. Miss checking in on everyone.
I hope you are all well.
Well, I have a show in 6 hours. SO need to sleep.
Rest assured, my pod cast will be returning as soon as I do. Also, when I post next. I should have some interesting news ^_^ (Here's hoping!)
As always,
Take Care!
~Tracer~
Home again Home again jiggity jig.
Posted 12 years agoWell.
Here I am, home again. FINALLY.
And I note that I am far far behind on my Pod cast.
Any subjects people wanna here about.
Also, to my UK peeps! I would like to say. YOU PEOPLE ROCK!
Anyway. HIT ME UP!
Here I am, home again. FINALLY.
And I note that I am far far behind on my Pod cast.
Any subjects people wanna here about.
Also, to my UK peeps! I would like to say. YOU PEOPLE ROCK!
Anyway. HIT ME UP!
Home in a few days! Yay!
Posted 12 years agoTook a trip across the pond. Will return for the Mid section of February or beginning of March.
The location: Hull England, Manchester, Blackpool, and a few other small townships.
The reason: Shows and selling Dvds.
Favorite Conversation I had this week:
"Smell that?".. "Smell what?"... "That's the smell of a country that still uses common sense."...."Are you saying that American's don't use... on second thought... let's pretend this conversation didn't happen." ... "Sure. Welcome to other side of the world."
Favorite quote: "You are drunk because you are -actually- drinking. Versus what you drink in the U.S."
Favorite Site seen since arrival:.... The inside of a bobby's patrol car. (Police cruiser)...(long story)
The location: Hull England, Manchester, Blackpool, and a few other small townships.
The reason: Shows and selling Dvds.
Favorite Conversation I had this week:
"Smell that?".. "Smell what?"... "That's the smell of a country that still uses common sense."...."Are you saying that American's don't use... on second thought... let's pretend this conversation didn't happen." ... "Sure. Welcome to other side of the world."
Favorite quote: "You are drunk because you are -actually- drinking. Versus what you drink in the U.S."
Favorite Site seen since arrival:.... The inside of a bobby's patrol car. (Police cruiser)...(long story)
Calling all Artists! (kinda important.)
Posted 13 years agoI am looking for artists.
Someone For CD/DVD art
Cover art.
And Back of the Dvd/CD art.
The Titles are the following.
"Pissing Off My Inner Child"
And
"Split Personalities"
If you would like more information. Please reply.
I would like the chance to Note and give credits to the artists on the Cds and DVDs for their art work.
If you are interested. Also reply. And we can chat.
Let me know.
As a note If I like you or "+watch" you as an Artist it's because I enjoy your work or believe you have fantastic potential or both.
So. Lets see who actually reads this.
Shall we?
Take care!
~Tracer~
Someone For CD/DVD art
Cover art.
And Back of the Dvd/CD art.
The Titles are the following.
"Pissing Off My Inner Child"
And
"Split Personalities"
If you would like more information. Please reply.
I would like the chance to Note and give credits to the artists on the Cds and DVDs for their art work.
If you are interested. Also reply. And we can chat.
Let me know.
As a note If I like you or "+watch" you as an Artist it's because I enjoy your work or believe you have fantastic potential or both.
So. Lets see who actually reads this.
Shall we?
Take care!
~Tracer~
It's My Birthday
Posted 13 years agoAnd Of course!..... I am done eating until my face looks something a kin to a blow fish.
Next up. A bit of Drinking.... And possibly a drunken pod cast!
Have a Great Day Everyone!
And thank you for being my friends.
As Always
Take Care!
Tracer
Next up. A bit of Drinking.... And possibly a drunken pod cast!
Have a Great Day Everyone!
And thank you for being my friends.
As Always
Take Care!
Tracer
Updates and Recent Happenings!
Posted 13 years agoWhere to begin.
Well, lets start with December.
F3 con. Was indeed memorable. I will be returning and look forward to showing up there every year for new and exciting adventures.
I arrived at the convention and had a blast for the moment I entered the hotel. It had been so long since I had been in the area. It was an odd moment when I finally met face to face with many of the furs who I have talked to and really got a chance to talk to them. After some amusing exploits in a three person attempt to open a bottle of meade... which turned quickly into four people. (There were pictures taken. I wanna see!) I went around and talked with some furs. Oddly enough I ended up giving what was going to be a panel out in the Hallway of the hotel at around 2-4 am. We had a lot of laughs and I believe generally had fun. After which, I went back on the road for a bit. Doing a comedy show in Hawaii. Which was by the way a blast. With just enough time to get back on the road to do some fund raising shows for Super storm Sandy, and another fund raiser for the Sandy Hook victims.
I was home in time for Christmas eve! Yay... yeah.... I pretty much spent from Christmas to to New Years sick. Sadly against my better judgement. I was still doing some local comedy shows... (maybe that is why I was sick for so long).
During all of this I received some threats of Law suits from a certain production company for "slandering and defaming their name" in one of my comedy routines and if I were to release that routine on to a dvd or cd. ... Well there went that master plan. Apparently they get a little bent out of shape when a comedian makes fun of them, or someone points out that the company likely has more sex crazed fanatics and child molesters than the catholic religion and America's project watch dog combined. But then again. What do you expect from an animation company that puts mermaids swimming passed giant penises and obvious racist jokes like a Mexican chihuahua popping out of a trash can and always stealing things.
Right now I am looking into artists willing to do a project for the next dvd. "Pissing off my Inner Child" So anyone with any ideas. Or that would like to maybe shoot me a concept or a quote. Let me know. Because I will also be looking for Disc art as well as artists for the dvd insert as well.
The holidays were nice. Despite me being sick. I got to meet a lot of people and spend some time with people that normally I have trouble understanding. I will be resuming my podcast soon. However, as a note. I am debating on moving to Seattle. I have been receiving Job offers for a while now for what is my normal day time job. Seattle is my first choice. However if I get an offer with either the same or better pay. I will likely stay or be closer. Regardless I will not be gone.
I will likely return to visit my friends in Missouri. However this is my chance to travel, get paid for it, and still do comedy, travel, and get paid for it. lol. Either way, life is finally looking up.
Anyway, I don't get many of them anymore, however I am stock piling questions and comments for the next pod cast. So if you have a question for me. Please, feel free to ask. If you want to know something about me, or you would like some advice. Please, I enjoy helping or even making people laugh by answering some of these questions on my pod cast. I will also be doing show outs for conventions and artists. So stop by and give it a listen. I have some of my archived shows up now.
Well, I have some things to do to get the studio ready for recording, and a few chores to take into consideration as well.
As always,
Take care!
Tracer
Well, lets start with December.
F3 con. Was indeed memorable. I will be returning and look forward to showing up there every year for new and exciting adventures.
I arrived at the convention and had a blast for the moment I entered the hotel. It had been so long since I had been in the area. It was an odd moment when I finally met face to face with many of the furs who I have talked to and really got a chance to talk to them. After some amusing exploits in a three person attempt to open a bottle of meade... which turned quickly into four people. (There were pictures taken. I wanna see!) I went around and talked with some furs. Oddly enough I ended up giving what was going to be a panel out in the Hallway of the hotel at around 2-4 am. We had a lot of laughs and I believe generally had fun. After which, I went back on the road for a bit. Doing a comedy show in Hawaii. Which was by the way a blast. With just enough time to get back on the road to do some fund raising shows for Super storm Sandy, and another fund raiser for the Sandy Hook victims.
I was home in time for Christmas eve! Yay... yeah.... I pretty much spent from Christmas to to New Years sick. Sadly against my better judgement. I was still doing some local comedy shows... (maybe that is why I was sick for so long).
During all of this I received some threats of Law suits from a certain production company for "slandering and defaming their name" in one of my comedy routines and if I were to release that routine on to a dvd or cd. ... Well there went that master plan. Apparently they get a little bent out of shape when a comedian makes fun of them, or someone points out that the company likely has more sex crazed fanatics and child molesters than the catholic religion and America's project watch dog combined. But then again. What do you expect from an animation company that puts mermaids swimming passed giant penises and obvious racist jokes like a Mexican chihuahua popping out of a trash can and always stealing things.
Right now I am looking into artists willing to do a project for the next dvd. "Pissing off my Inner Child" So anyone with any ideas. Or that would like to maybe shoot me a concept or a quote. Let me know. Because I will also be looking for Disc art as well as artists for the dvd insert as well.
The holidays were nice. Despite me being sick. I got to meet a lot of people and spend some time with people that normally I have trouble understanding. I will be resuming my podcast soon. However, as a note. I am debating on moving to Seattle. I have been receiving Job offers for a while now for what is my normal day time job. Seattle is my first choice. However if I get an offer with either the same or better pay. I will likely stay or be closer. Regardless I will not be gone.
I will likely return to visit my friends in Missouri. However this is my chance to travel, get paid for it, and still do comedy, travel, and get paid for it. lol. Either way, life is finally looking up.
Anyway, I don't get many of them anymore, however I am stock piling questions and comments for the next pod cast. So if you have a question for me. Please, feel free to ask. If you want to know something about me, or you would like some advice. Please, I enjoy helping or even making people laugh by answering some of these questions on my pod cast. I will also be doing show outs for conventions and artists. So stop by and give it a listen. I have some of my archived shows up now.
Well, I have some things to do to get the studio ready for recording, and a few chores to take into consideration as well.
As always,
Take care!
Tracer
Yes / No Meme
Posted 13 years agoPolitely Borrowed in stealth from 
Ellen-Natalie
Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? - Yes.
Been arrested? - Yes... which time.
Kissed someone you didn't like? - Yes (long story. ask me about it sometime lol)
Slept in until 5 PM? - Psh. Yes.
Fallen asleep at work/school? - YES
Ran a red light? - Yes
Been suspended from school? - Yes
Experienced love at first sight? - Yes. It was the summer of 1732...wait... wrong movie... (But still yes)
Totaled your car in an accident? - No... someone else's car on the other hand...
Been fired from a job? - Yes
Fired somebody? - Yes
Sang karaoke? - Yes Apparently it is a tradition to go to at least one in the Midwest... who'da thought.
Pointed a gun at someone? - Yes, and something tells me I should have pulled the trigger.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? - Yes... long story. You will have to ask.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? - No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? - Yes
Kissed in the rain? - No
Had a close brush with death (your own)? - Yes. (Lesson learned. Don't piss people off unless I am on stage.)
Seen someone die? - Yes (Don't want to get into that one.)
Played spin-the-bottle? - Yes
Sang in the shower? - Yes
Smoked a cigar? - Yes
Sat on a rooftop? - Yes
Taken pictures of yourself naked? - Yes... (not proud of that one.)
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? - No (Pushed, no. Fell in during a Con.... well... >.> )
Skipped school? - Yes
Eaten a bug? - Yes (At an alternative gourmet venue... grasshopper isn't bad covered in nuts, chocolate, and if no one tells you what it is.)
Sleepwalked? - Yes.
Walked a moonlit beach? - Never been on the beach.
Ridden a motorcycle? - Yes
Dumped someone? - Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? - Yes... in all fairness... so did they.
Lied to avoid a ticket? - No... I creatively reconstructed the truth.
Ridden on a helicopter? - Yes
Shaved your head? - Yes... It keeps the salt and pepper away.
Blacked out from drinking? - No... But I did drink myself sober once... that was frightening.
Played a prank on someone? - Yes (And it was glorious)
Hit a home run? - Yes.... wait... does Wii baseball count?
Felt like killing someone? - Yes (I worked in retail.)
Cross-dressed? - Yes (I was 6 years old and I had 5 sisters... you can't escape that fate.)
Been falling-down drunk? - Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? - Yes (Then again. It was a bad fight and I think we were both trying to get at each other that night)
Eaten snake? - Yes (Again.. you would be amazed what you eat if no one tells you.)
Marched/Protested? - Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? - No
Puked on an amusement ride? - No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? - Yes
Been in a band? - Yes
Knitted? - Yes (You have to take up a hobby for anger management.... see how well that worked out....)
Been on TV? - Yes
Shot a gun? - Yes (It's a family activity.)
Skinny-dipped? - Yes
Caused someone to need stitches? - Yes (I swear I didn't know a testicle could actually pop.)
Ridden a surfboard? - No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? - Yes
Had surgery? - Yes (You think I was born this pretty? //kidding// But still yes)
Streaked? - Yes
Taken by ambulance to hospital? - Yes
Passed out when not drinking? - Yes (For the singers out there I have one thing to say... Handel's Messiah.)
Peed on a bush? - Yes (The world is our bathroom... it's a shame the police don't agree with that thought.)
Donated Blood? - Yes
Grabbed electric fence? - Yes
Eaten alligator meat? - Yes... again. Wasn't told.
Eaten cheesecake? - Yes... I miss cheese cake.... (allergic to vanilla)
Eaten kids' Halloween candy? - Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? - Yes... (apparently I scared it to death. /a hamster in a cage in my car when it wrecked/)
Peed your pants in public? - No
Written graffiti? - Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? - No
Think about the future? - Yes (all the time)
Been in handcuffs? - Yes
Believe in love? - Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? - Yes
Been to a furry convention? - Yes, for some reason, I relax more there than when on the road for comedy.
Own a fursuit? - No (not anymore... ask if you want to know.)
Bungee-Jumped? - No
Stolen something? - Yes (Gum. I was a kid. parents paid for it. Then I did)
Kissed someone, same gender? - Yes
Kissed someone, different gender? - Yes
Had sex in public? - Yes (long story.)
Skipped a night? - ummm.... (someone educate me on that one.)
Lied? - Yes... Just not for a long time. It's why I am so... "loveable" now. Wanna know. Don't ask. It's may piss you off.
Created a Meme? - No
Been to another continent? - Yes.
Been in a country without knowing the language? - Yes
Have seen a parent naked? - It cannot be unseen....
Ellen-NatalieKissed any one of your Facebook friends? - Yes.
Been arrested? - Yes... which time.
Kissed someone you didn't like? - Yes (long story. ask me about it sometime lol)
Slept in until 5 PM? - Psh. Yes.
Fallen asleep at work/school? - YES
Ran a red light? - Yes
Been suspended from school? - Yes
Experienced love at first sight? - Yes. It was the summer of 1732...wait... wrong movie... (But still yes)
Totaled your car in an accident? - No... someone else's car on the other hand...
Been fired from a job? - Yes
Fired somebody? - Yes
Sang karaoke? - Yes Apparently it is a tradition to go to at least one in the Midwest... who'da thought.
Pointed a gun at someone? - Yes, and something tells me I should have pulled the trigger.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? - Yes... long story. You will have to ask.
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? - No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? - Yes
Kissed in the rain? - No
Had a close brush with death (your own)? - Yes. (Lesson learned. Don't piss people off unless I am on stage.)
Seen someone die? - Yes (Don't want to get into that one.)
Played spin-the-bottle? - Yes
Sang in the shower? - Yes
Smoked a cigar? - Yes
Sat on a rooftop? - Yes
Taken pictures of yourself naked? - Yes... (not proud of that one.)
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? - No (Pushed, no. Fell in during a Con.... well... >.> )
Skipped school? - Yes
Eaten a bug? - Yes (At an alternative gourmet venue... grasshopper isn't bad covered in nuts, chocolate, and if no one tells you what it is.)
Sleepwalked? - Yes.
Walked a moonlit beach? - Never been on the beach.
Ridden a motorcycle? - Yes
Dumped someone? - Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? - Yes... in all fairness... so did they.
Lied to avoid a ticket? - No... I creatively reconstructed the truth.
Ridden on a helicopter? - Yes
Shaved your head? - Yes... It keeps the salt and pepper away.
Blacked out from drinking? - No... But I did drink myself sober once... that was frightening.
Played a prank on someone? - Yes (And it was glorious)
Hit a home run? - Yes.... wait... does Wii baseball count?
Felt like killing someone? - Yes (I worked in retail.)
Cross-dressed? - Yes (I was 6 years old and I had 5 sisters... you can't escape that fate.)
Been falling-down drunk? - Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? - Yes (Then again. It was a bad fight and I think we were both trying to get at each other that night)
Eaten snake? - Yes (Again.. you would be amazed what you eat if no one tells you.)
Marched/Protested? - Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? - No
Puked on an amusement ride? - No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? - Yes
Been in a band? - Yes
Knitted? - Yes (You have to take up a hobby for anger management.... see how well that worked out....)
Been on TV? - Yes
Shot a gun? - Yes (It's a family activity.)
Skinny-dipped? - Yes
Caused someone to need stitches? - Yes (I swear I didn't know a testicle could actually pop.)
Ridden a surfboard? - No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? - Yes
Had surgery? - Yes (You think I was born this pretty? //kidding// But still yes)
Streaked? - Yes
Taken by ambulance to hospital? - Yes
Passed out when not drinking? - Yes (For the singers out there I have one thing to say... Handel's Messiah.)
Peed on a bush? - Yes (The world is our bathroom... it's a shame the police don't agree with that thought.)
Donated Blood? - Yes
Grabbed electric fence? - Yes
Eaten alligator meat? - Yes... again. Wasn't told.
Eaten cheesecake? - Yes... I miss cheese cake.... (allergic to vanilla)
Eaten kids' Halloween candy? - Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? - Yes... (apparently I scared it to death. /a hamster in a cage in my car when it wrecked/)
Peed your pants in public? - No
Written graffiti? - Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? - No
Think about the future? - Yes (all the time)
Been in handcuffs? - Yes
Believe in love? - Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? - Yes
Been to a furry convention? - Yes, for some reason, I relax more there than when on the road for comedy.
Own a fursuit? - No (not anymore... ask if you want to know.)
Bungee-Jumped? - No
Stolen something? - Yes (Gum. I was a kid. parents paid for it. Then I did)
Kissed someone, same gender? - Yes
Kissed someone, different gender? - Yes
Had sex in public? - Yes (long story.)
Skipped a night? - ummm.... (someone educate me on that one.)
Lied? - Yes... Just not for a long time. It's why I am so... "loveable" now. Wanna know. Don't ask. It's may piss you off.
Created a Meme? - No
Been to another continent? - Yes.
Been in a country without knowing the language? - Yes
Have seen a parent naked? - It cannot be unseen....
Pass this to the Community (Fundraiser)
Posted 13 years agoA Fellow fur is in distress.
Stop the blog TV channel and step in for a watch.
This small fund raiser is for medical help.
Stop by and help if you can. But definitely Stop by and give some support.
http://www.blogtv.com/people/EricTheGoth
Stop the blog TV channel and step in for a watch.
This small fund raiser is for medical help.
Stop by and help if you can. But definitely Stop by and give some support.
http://www.blogtv.com/people/EricTheGoth
Podcast getting ready to record!!!! Tomorrow! Stop by!
Posted 13 years agoFor my pod cast I am focusing on Double standards. Some of the topics will be very controversial so I urge people to hop on skype and look for "Tracer Comedy Online" and voice your opinions and ask questions. Share your views with the fandom and me. And get my take on some of your questions. Hell for all I care you could ask me what my favorite flavor of Popsicle is.... That of course was just an example. So Hop on. And I look forward to hearing from each of you.
Also let me know if you would like your question voiced on Air as your fursona or annon.
So let the recording begin. You have till tomorrow 8 pm Central (US) time. (here's hoping.)
Peace!
~Tracer
Also let me know if you would like your question voiced on Air as your fursona or annon.
So let the recording begin. You have till tomorrow 8 pm Central (US) time. (here's hoping.)
Peace!
~Tracer
Featured Artist of July! And he is doing an Art Raffle!
Posted 13 years agoHey,
Not sure if you have ever seen this artist. But with a fantastic imagination and a great art style you won't be disappointed.
Right now
Drake Rogers is this month's featured artist of the month.
And He is also doing an Art Raffle. Go check it out!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3674690/
Not sure if you have ever seen this artist. But with a fantastic imagination and a great art style you won't be disappointed.
Right now
Drake Rogers is this month's featured artist of the month.And He is also doing an Art Raffle. Go check it out!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3674690/
Featured Artist of May!
Posted 13 years ago She has done some work for me and is well worth every bit.
Check her out.
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/neonicink/
neonicink
Stop by and take a look. You won't be disappointed!
Check her out.
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/neonicink/
neonicinkStop by and take a look. You won't be disappointed!
Ah, And now Back to it
Posted 13 years agoThe Game.....
You Lost.
Seriously though. Back to the family BS, dealing with recording and sound engineers, back to the STAGE! Oh how I have missed it. It's been way to much Down time.
I will try to keep everyone updated and make more posts. Hopefully. If all goes well I will have a new podcast up soon.
Take care and as Always!
Peace!
-Tracer
You Lost.
Seriously though. Back to the family BS, dealing with recording and sound engineers, back to the STAGE! Oh how I have missed it. It's been way to much Down time.
I will try to keep everyone updated and make more posts. Hopefully. If all goes well I will have a new podcast up soon.
Take care and as Always!
Peace!
-Tracer
Out of the Hospital and Enjoying my Freedom!
Posted 13 years agoWell here I am. Out of the Hospital. Bleh. Again. Seems health hates me lately. On the bright side yay new pod casts and a New Site coming soon. I will post links EVERYWHERE. So don't miss it. Bwahahaha. For those who didn't know. I went down during a show recently. Just dropped. The fun part was people laughed for a good five minutes before someone in the audience realized something was wrong. Lol. Just my luck. They were still laughing when the ambulance arrived. YAY ME!
But I am out now. Sorry for the delay in the show. I was going to do a live feed show from the hospital. But the second the web cam and the Microphones got set up. my doctor came in and said No.
Thank you to everyone for the well wishing and see you soons. I even had some visitors while I was there.
So drop me a line. And I am going to try like hell to get people over to the studio for a pod cast recording. Anywho. Keep in touch. And hope to hear from you soon.
-Tracer
But I am out now. Sorry for the delay in the show. I was going to do a live feed show from the hospital. But the second the web cam and the Microphones got set up. my doctor came in and said No.
Thank you to everyone for the well wishing and see you soons. I even had some visitors while I was there.
So drop me a line. And I am going to try like hell to get people over to the studio for a pod cast recording. Anywho. Keep in touch. And hope to hear from you soon.
-Tracer
In the Hospital... Is this a field trip???
Posted 13 years agoAlright, While few read this hear to my knowledge. I figured I would leave an update for people here.
While yes I do have my laptop with me. I am currently in the Hospital due to chest pains and dropping like a sack of rocks on stage in front of a roughly 300+ audience. (Who stood there and laughed because they thought it was part of the show)
Anyway, I have recently received an estimate of around 500 e-mails asking me when my pod cast will be back up. Funny thing about that, I have my laptop. I have my audio set up in my bags. ( I was brought here from a show after all.)
If I can swing it. I am going to spend my off time working on a web show from the hospital. Should be interesting. Maybe I will give the nurse a heart attack.
Anyway, not to incredibly sure whats wrong. Tomorrow for the majority of the day I will be undergoing testing... Ya know. So a doctor can tell me I am not normal. In the end, I will be pretty wiped at the end of the day. So here's to hoping nothing else is wrong with me other than I am seriously disturbed sometimes.
On a funny note. A local school brought several classes in today to tour the ward I am currently in. One of the students. A furry, saw me. gave me that "No way!" look. And asked for my autograph... It was kinda cool. My CD (which he had on him) is now signed:
"God wouldn't take me. So I am here. Hospitalized. Tracer-2012"
In other news. The "i don't care medicine" (what the nurse called it when he gave me the shot) is kicking in.
So.
Take care.
Stay alive.
And as always.
Peace.
-Tracer
While yes I do have my laptop with me. I am currently in the Hospital due to chest pains and dropping like a sack of rocks on stage in front of a roughly 300+ audience. (Who stood there and laughed because they thought it was part of the show)
Anyway, I have recently received an estimate of around 500 e-mails asking me when my pod cast will be back up. Funny thing about that, I have my laptop. I have my audio set up in my bags. ( I was brought here from a show after all.)
If I can swing it. I am going to spend my off time working on a web show from the hospital. Should be interesting. Maybe I will give the nurse a heart attack.
Anyway, not to incredibly sure whats wrong. Tomorrow for the majority of the day I will be undergoing testing... Ya know. So a doctor can tell me I am not normal. In the end, I will be pretty wiped at the end of the day. So here's to hoping nothing else is wrong with me other than I am seriously disturbed sometimes.
On a funny note. A local school brought several classes in today to tour the ward I am currently in. One of the students. A furry, saw me. gave me that "No way!" look. And asked for my autograph... It was kinda cool. My CD (which he had on him) is now signed:
"God wouldn't take me. So I am here. Hospitalized. Tracer-2012"
In other news. The "i don't care medicine" (what the nurse called it when he gave me the shot) is kicking in.
So.
Take care.
Stay alive.
And as always.
Peace.
-Tracer
It's TIME For Something Out of the Ordinary
Posted 13 years agoYou know for me. Its odd. But I rarely ask what everyone else wants to hear about. So I am asking you. Tell me what you want to hear about. Recent news that you find to be insulting? Did some senator make a comment? General topics and questions you may have or want to even get an opinion on?
So here is the deal. I am going to leave this one. Entirely open to everyone. Post your thoughts. Comments. Anything you would like to hear about. And I in turn. Will contact 3 people. And only three people. To feature on my Radio show. By Calling them. I will Note you and set up a time that you can best be reached.
So. Drop a line. And lets get this started!
Peace!
-Tracer
So here is the deal. I am going to leave this one. Entirely open to everyone. Post your thoughts. Comments. Anything you would like to hear about. And I in turn. Will contact 3 people. And only three people. To feature on my Radio show. By Calling them. I will Note you and set up a time that you can best be reached.
So. Drop a line. And lets get this started!
Peace!
-Tracer
It's BACK!!!! Radio for the New Year!
Posted 14 years ago http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7328879 Time for some new shows. Something a bit on the touchy side.
I am gonna be hitting some "sensitive" subjects.
Stop by and Give it a listen.
Peace
-TracerCrisis over
Posted 14 years agoWell,
I had a problem for a bit on wondering if I were still... Furry. As it is. After having a few weeks to sit back. Relax. And De-stress. I am back to being the good ol' Tracer that people talk to or get hammered with from time to time.
In closing. I feel better. Cause. I am me. And Yes. I am a furry.
-Tracer
I had a problem for a bit on wondering if I were still... Furry. As it is. After having a few weeks to sit back. Relax. And De-stress. I am back to being the good ol' Tracer that people talk to or get hammered with from time to time.
In closing. I feel better. Cause. I am me. And Yes. I am a furry.
-Tracer
Free Fursuit give away?!
Posted 14 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3096413/
Worth checking out!
Take a look
then pimp it on your own profiles!
Worth checking out!
Take a look
then pimp it on your own profiles!
Confessions of a Confused Raccoon! Part 4
Posted 14 years ago...
Not really sure what to think about this one... It catches even me off guard.
Confession.
I haven't been "feeling" furry lately.
Crisis?
I think so...
Perhaps this will fix itself after a few days of relaxation.
Here is hoping.
-Tracer
Not really sure what to think about this one... It catches even me off guard.
Confession.
I haven't been "feeling" furry lately.
Crisis?
I think so...
Perhaps this will fix itself after a few days of relaxation.
Here is hoping.
-Tracer
Confessions of a Confused Raccoon! Part 3
Posted 14 years agoWell for today's confession is something that is a little out of the ordinary.
Now saying this as a Furry... out of the Ordinary is a hell of a stretch.
But the little nuances of my life have helped shape me and who I am. I am sure I was not the only person growing up who used to play in an elevator, and pretend that I was on a rocket ship. Soaring for Mars or the moon or through the stars. To use my imagination and pretend that I was driving in the Indy 500. Or soaring across the sky in a fighter jet. That I was in a submarine exploring the depths of the explorable. I know I was not the only one who played video games or board games at home by themselves. Pretending that the game of life is how it should be. Or that some how this tournament that I was fighting in was some how based off something that actually took place.
Life as a Kid is supposed to be remarkably easy. But with a family who's father owns a small business, was a Vietnam war veteran, life isn't easy. Parents hide behind their shroud of lies and truths to protect their children. Hoping that one day when they are old enough their children will understand why dad just didn't want to talk that day. Why dad would leave for hours on end in the evenings to come home at 3 in the morning. My realization, was when I was 12 years old. My father had gone out drinking. He walked in the door, & when I say walked I use the term loosely for, stumbled in laying his hands on everything he could touch to keep himself steady and standing.
My father to me was always a great man. And I loved him and still do to this day.
He made his way to my room. Kicking things over and knocking things off the walls. I thought he was just in one of his moods that my mother had always warned us about. I heard the knob on my door turn slowly and there my father stood. The hall light illuminated him from behind while the pitch black of my room, I could barely see his face. I could only hear him breath. He straightened himself as best he could and walked toward my bed.
I laid there and pretended to sleep.
He sat on my bed a moment and ran his fingers through my hair. Muttering to himself how stupid he had been in the past and that one day he would change. He laid down next to me speaking in half whispers to me thinking I was asleep. "My boy. I remember the day you were born. It was cold and you were almost born at home. The snow made it impossible for the ambulance to get to the house. And no one's car would start. we were so worried about you that we called everyone we possibly could. Trying to get the battery in the truck to start. I wanted to be the one to take your mother to the hospital." He spoke for an hour. Telling me of the date of my birth. And how I was the most precious thing to him in the world. Until finally he fell asleep.
There lay my father. In a stupor and passed out with the smell of whiskey on his breath. And all I could think was that this is the most my father had said to me, the most he had ever shared with me in my life. I in some way. Was happy. I woke up the next day to find my father gone. He had woke up and I can only guess that he didn't want to wake me. My father promised my mother he would stop drinking. The entire day my mother was glowing while my father was at work. Happy that one night of talking to his son in his sleep made such a change. I didn't find this out until later in my life. But to me. It was the first time I had seen my mother that happy in a long time.
A few months down the road, my family and I watched my father's temper soar out of control. He never laid a hand on anyone. But everyone was afraid it would happen. He had his good times. My father took me to learn how to shoot. Enrolled me in karate to learn to defend myself. We would go fishing and come home to dinner and things were the way they should have been. My father bought a bike at a garage sale. I had tried learning once before, but I had fallen off. And because it was one of the neighborhood kids that was trying to teach me. He had forbidden me to ever ride a bicycle again until he was there to watch me learn.
My father eventually took the bike out of the garage and got me to learn to ride. Enough so that he could trust me out of our yard or private drive. My sisters wanted to go on a bike ride. No more than in the subdivision where we lived. A block or so. Pretty harmless. My father agreed and allowed me to go under the provision that my sisters stayed close and watched me.
My father trusts me.
I got the bike which was a little to big for me. We rode up the street and I pedaled as well as I could. As we neared a hill my sisters coasted down and I followed. As the speed picked up I felt the bike begin to sway under my weight. As I attempted to use the pedal bakes I instead hit the kick stand which sent myself and the bike skidding down the road. My face hit first. I skid and tumbled down the road. And I felt the concrete on my body. It was cold and hot. But didn't hurt. I screamed for a moment and lay there crying. I picked up the bike using it as a make shift crutch to help me walk. My legs wouldn't support my weight for some reason. I was drenched in blood and felt my body grow colder as I walked. What a relief.... It was 102 degrees outside.
My sisters turned back because I was not there. And could only follow the trail of smeared flesh and blood across the pavement to where I was. I thought i was screaming. I was crying. The tears stung my flesh, and while I thought I was yelling. I only whimpered for my father. Daddy. My sisters lay me down on the ground and everything went dark. I feel some men lift me up and put me in bed. This isn't my bed. I hear my father. His voice is not strong as it usually is. I could hear my mother's voice quiver and shake as she cried while the EMT's talked to them.
I arrived at the hospital and it was quiet. I am sure it wasn't. They did what they could and let me rest for an hour or two. Put me into a wheel chair and took me out to the truck. The ride was bumpy and long. Days went by and I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, I couldn't see. I had been cut off from the world around me. Only able to hear and barely able to move.
My face, neck, Chest, left arm, and legs were badly lacerated, I had suffered a concussion so I was not allowed to sleep for sometime. Only lay there and endure the pain. My tears soaking the gauze on my face and stinging the torn and badly scrapped skin under my eyes.
I spent a month like that. Only my imagination to keep me entertained. My father and mother sat with me. As I lay on the couch. Carrying me to the bathroom if I needed and watching my every movement. I wasn't able to eat. Instead I was handed shakes and other material which was ground up into a fine paste with a blender so that I could drink my meals. My father was strong. My mother was resilient. I know now. They wept in their bed at night praying I would not pass in my sleep.
I slept maybe three hours a night. The pain of it was more than anyone that age should bare. When today if something like that happens. The child is hospitalized and fed pain medications until they are healed. I couldn't be kept down. Once I had my strength. I wanted to go back to life. I still couldn't eat. I watch other kids play in the sun. I could not. If I went outside. Someone had to walk with me to keep me steady and cover me with an umbrella. I was a cub scout then. My father was the Scout master for our local pack. Troupe 961. It pained me to see my father walk out of the house for scouts and I was not allowed to go. I had an old school desk in my room. Something to allow me to study. By this point my homework and school work was being sent to me so I could work on it at home. I sat there in my desk working on what i could. My hand writing was horrible because my writing hand was still wrapped in gauze.
In the middle of a math problem. I dropped my pencil. Not good. I wasn't allowed to bend over. I am strong. I can do this. I lurched forward feeling the skin on my body stretch painfully. As I reached out and took the pencil in my hand I smiled. What I didn't expect was the pain involved with a simple smile. I felt the skin on my face crack and split and the pain returned quickly. That searing hot and cold mix. I immediately stood up. Which was not the most intelligent thing to do as I slammed my injured hand quickly into the metal edge of the desk.
I fell to the ground in pain. My body hitting the ground as hard as it did shook the floor in our small home. I heard my father run through the house and into my room. He knelt beside me and yelled for my mother. It sounded like a whisper. Is this what my life is going to be like? I just laid there as my father picked me up, and put my on my bed. I don't know what happened to that old desk. My mother later told me that because the desk had been the reason I was hurt, my father threw it away. A week later. My father bought me an actual desk. Nothing fancy, but it had drawers, and could be plugged into the wall for a lamp and anything else that was needed. I later found out, that caused a fight between my mother and father. My accident had placed the entire house in financial distress. The bills were piling up and tons of "final notices" were sitting on the kitchen table.
My mother after several hours of shouting, finally told my father that she was going to get a job to help pay the bills. This was my fault. I hadn't noticed how small the meals in the house were becoming. Or the fact that one night for dinner everyone had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. While I was being fed shake like meals. I was a little nosy. I had decided to go into the kitchen and walk around. I stood at the window and looked out at the sun. It made my eyes burn, so I turned away. I found a receipt for something from the hospital... "safe meal, for critically injured children"... $105 for a three times a day meal. I had been eating these for a month.
I had a good head for numbers then. Math was my favorite subject in school. I was eating more in a week, than my father brought home in two.
Dinner time came around. And while everyone gathered around to get their food. My father put on his smile and brought me my shake. I told him I wasn't hungry. I did this for several days. I wasn't going to watch my family go hungry because of me. I heard my parents talk that night. They were worried something was wrong. I won't lie, at night when I heard people sleeping. I would get up and take small sips of the shake my father brought to me. Only to add water to it so that it would look like I hadn't eaten.
About a week later my father picked me up and carried me into the kitchen to eat. I saw him pull what was left of the last box out and start making my meal. My mother looked at my father with a worried look as he placed the shake in front of me. And tried to convince me to eat. It had been a week of nothing but little sips of shake substance in the middle of the night. I was tired, weak, and gave into hunger. As I sat there and drank my meal, I watched my father cook up hamburgers. I missed hamburgers, the smell was at that point next to heavenly. I don't know if it was desperation or being tired of being treated like glass, but I asked if I could get up.
As dad put the burgers on peoples plates, he had made a few extra for everyone else. When mom had bought the meat, she had not planned on my accident occurring. The burger meat was supposed to be for my birthday dinner. I had not known this, but I walked out of the room and laid down on the couch in the living room. I faced the back of the couch so that no one could see me or here me cry. I was hungry, and tired of causing my family pain. I had however out of stubbornness saved my family from having to spend $700+ on me that week from my refusal to eat.
I wanted these bandages off, I wanted to be normal again, I wanted my family to be back the way it was.
After dinner, my father walked into the living room with the rest of my family. My sisters say on the floor. My mother on the couch next to me trying to check if I was ok. I wasn't but I told her I was. My dad turned on the TV and put the new Indiana Jones "Raiders of the Lost Ark" into the VCR, the movie started and everyone got quiet, I whispered to my dad if it was ok if I got some water. He said it was alright. I got up and went into the kitchen. The smell of hamburger meat still hung in the air, taunting me as I got my glass of water.
It was to much to handle for me I guess. I grabbed clumsily at one of the paper plates and took a burger, it was still warm. I broke it down into pieces small enough to fit between the holes in the gauze that was left for my mouth. It hurt. The pain of chewing racked my body with pain as I chewed the piece of meat. The taste however, was fantastic. The juices trickled down my throat and filled my mouth as I painfully but happily swallowed each bite. I heard my mother tell my father that she was going to the store and would be back in a moment. I couldn't tell her I loved her with a mouth full of hamburger meat. She left before I could swallow, so naturally I continued eating.
I had taken to long. My father walked into the kitchen as I stuffed the last of the hamburger into my mouth. I cried from both pain and joy as I ate the meat. My father only watched. I turned around to see my father standing there. Smiling as only he knew how. No one can reproduce that smile. He scooped me up in his arms and held me close. crying softly into my shoulder. It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry. He asked my why I ate the food when I was told I was not ready. I could only reply that I was ready. And tired. I wanted real food, and I wanted to see my family eat like they used to. Dinner had become so quiet since the accident. And I just wanted my family back.
To further explain, since the accident. My father had lost twenty pounds and my mother over thirty. My sisters had even lost weight because of me. I was more than ready. Some months passed and it was time to take the bandages off. My oldest sister insisted on being there with me to hold my hand when they removed the gauze. She felt responsible for the accident, though she didn't tell me this until I turned twenty one.
The doctor removed the bandages slowly to uncover my face, the scabbing and red tissue pulled away to reveal my face. My sister, threw up. My mother told me I looked fine, I knew it wasn't true. She reassured me with phrases like "There is my baby boy" & "I am so happy to see your face again."
It was October, life had all but returned to normal, I could tell people were still worried about me when I slept at night. I wanted to go out for Halloween, but I wasn't able to put on any costumes due to how "new" the flash on my face was. I was at this point, banned from going outside in the sun at all.
Now That I look back on everything, I guess I could have gone as a ghost or something, wore a sheet to cover my face, Instead, I made a joke of it to make people smile. I got out one of my old Sunday suits that barely fit me. The waist size was still the same but I had gotten taller. The stitches in my skin for months had left marks that looked truly gruesome and The striped shirt that I wore with the small suit coat was perfect. I crept into my dad's workshop where I found a large metal ring which was used to hold down bolts on the axles of cars. I put it on and screwed to bolts in. I wet down my hair slightly so it would lay flat. That Halloween, I was Frankenstein.
My father thought it was funny, and allowed me to go out. My mother on the other hand didn't like the idea and followed me the entire time in the car. Making sure I had water and a place to sit if I needed.
My family is extremely devout baptist. But my parents at this point just wanted us to have a normal childhood.
More months passed and I gradually began to be "normal" again.
I would say sometime in January, I was told by my father that since I was strong again & able to do things on my own, he wanted to know what I wanted to become when I grew up. I told him, a comedian. This did not fly. In fact it went over like a lead balloon. My mother was not pleased either. My father told me he was going to show me what I wanted to become. To show me, that it was not the type of life I wanted.
My mother wasn't sure about my father's idea. But she allowed it for some reason. That night. My father took me into the car, and we drove into downtown Saint Louis. The Fabulous Fox Theater. The Place was huge. The Show, was George Carlin. His Opening Act... 7 words you can't say on TV.
I enjoyed it, but I think the lesson that was supposed to be there was somehow lost on me. I did however take up music, something my parents encouraged.
I look back at some of the hardships I have endured in my life. My Father and mother split up when I was fourteen. And when I did get to see my father I was happy. My father always used to say to me, When you turn sixteen we are going to go out on the front lawn. And Then I am going to beat your ass, and until you can beat me or I give up. You will know I am still man of this house. This wasn't meant in malice. It is just how he was raised. I actually looked forward to it. My father wasn't the type of person to just hit someone, he needed a reason, and a good one.
A few more years pass, and it is my sixteenth birthday. Dad hadn't been around that much and was working a lot. My friends and I went snowboarding the night before and came back to town just in time for my birthday dinner.
He had come to the house the day before to give me my birthday present. I wasn't home. He left the gift with my mother. He had to work on my birthday, and couldn't get out of it. When we got out of the car, there were several cars sitting outside. Lots of people sat around and turned their attention toward the car from the window when I got out.
I proudly walked to the middle of the front lawn and stood there. I was waiting for my fight with my father. The one I had planned for, to just hug him tell him how much he meant to me. And to tell him he would always be the man of the house. Or at least until he told me to be.
My mother walked out from the house. I had been standing there for twenty minutes. My best friend's mother said something to him. He ducked his head and walked inside. My mother hugged me tightly and I returned her hug. She asked me to come inside. I told her no. I was waiting for dad. I heard my sisters start crying when I said it. My mother said something to me that nearly made me stop in time. That moment frozen forever in my mind. As if felt like the words echoed in my ears. My mind blank and the look frozen on my face. Like some statue built to commemorate some old war. The words that changed who I was in a heart beat. "He's not coming. Here this was from your father. It's your birthday present."
The last time I touched my father. Hugged him, Spoke to him, or heard his voice. Was Christmas day. And the present he gave me for my birthday, was a pocket knife I still carry around today.
My father passed away. January 10th, at 4:43 am, from two back to back major heart attacks. He was 43 years old.
I couldn't tell you the amount of different life lessons that I hope you take away from reading this.My only hope is that you take at least one.
Your parents. Your true parents. You only get two, cherish your time with them as long as you can. Never utter words of hate to them, you never know how long you will have them in your life. Remember your life is your own, and I would be no kind of person if I didn't tell you to live it how you want. But remember, your parents are a big part of who you are. Even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes.
And as for my Confession...
I love hamburgers.
Now saying this as a Furry... out of the Ordinary is a hell of a stretch.
But the little nuances of my life have helped shape me and who I am. I am sure I was not the only person growing up who used to play in an elevator, and pretend that I was on a rocket ship. Soaring for Mars or the moon or through the stars. To use my imagination and pretend that I was driving in the Indy 500. Or soaring across the sky in a fighter jet. That I was in a submarine exploring the depths of the explorable. I know I was not the only one who played video games or board games at home by themselves. Pretending that the game of life is how it should be. Or that some how this tournament that I was fighting in was some how based off something that actually took place.
Life as a Kid is supposed to be remarkably easy. But with a family who's father owns a small business, was a Vietnam war veteran, life isn't easy. Parents hide behind their shroud of lies and truths to protect their children. Hoping that one day when they are old enough their children will understand why dad just didn't want to talk that day. Why dad would leave for hours on end in the evenings to come home at 3 in the morning. My realization, was when I was 12 years old. My father had gone out drinking. He walked in the door, & when I say walked I use the term loosely for, stumbled in laying his hands on everything he could touch to keep himself steady and standing.
My father to me was always a great man. And I loved him and still do to this day.
He made his way to my room. Kicking things over and knocking things off the walls. I thought he was just in one of his moods that my mother had always warned us about. I heard the knob on my door turn slowly and there my father stood. The hall light illuminated him from behind while the pitch black of my room, I could barely see his face. I could only hear him breath. He straightened himself as best he could and walked toward my bed.
I laid there and pretended to sleep.
He sat on my bed a moment and ran his fingers through my hair. Muttering to himself how stupid he had been in the past and that one day he would change. He laid down next to me speaking in half whispers to me thinking I was asleep. "My boy. I remember the day you were born. It was cold and you were almost born at home. The snow made it impossible for the ambulance to get to the house. And no one's car would start. we were so worried about you that we called everyone we possibly could. Trying to get the battery in the truck to start. I wanted to be the one to take your mother to the hospital." He spoke for an hour. Telling me of the date of my birth. And how I was the most precious thing to him in the world. Until finally he fell asleep.
There lay my father. In a stupor and passed out with the smell of whiskey on his breath. And all I could think was that this is the most my father had said to me, the most he had ever shared with me in my life. I in some way. Was happy. I woke up the next day to find my father gone. He had woke up and I can only guess that he didn't want to wake me. My father promised my mother he would stop drinking. The entire day my mother was glowing while my father was at work. Happy that one night of talking to his son in his sleep made such a change. I didn't find this out until later in my life. But to me. It was the first time I had seen my mother that happy in a long time.
A few months down the road, my family and I watched my father's temper soar out of control. He never laid a hand on anyone. But everyone was afraid it would happen. He had his good times. My father took me to learn how to shoot. Enrolled me in karate to learn to defend myself. We would go fishing and come home to dinner and things were the way they should have been. My father bought a bike at a garage sale. I had tried learning once before, but I had fallen off. And because it was one of the neighborhood kids that was trying to teach me. He had forbidden me to ever ride a bicycle again until he was there to watch me learn.
My father eventually took the bike out of the garage and got me to learn to ride. Enough so that he could trust me out of our yard or private drive. My sisters wanted to go on a bike ride. No more than in the subdivision where we lived. A block or so. Pretty harmless. My father agreed and allowed me to go under the provision that my sisters stayed close and watched me.
My father trusts me.
I got the bike which was a little to big for me. We rode up the street and I pedaled as well as I could. As we neared a hill my sisters coasted down and I followed. As the speed picked up I felt the bike begin to sway under my weight. As I attempted to use the pedal bakes I instead hit the kick stand which sent myself and the bike skidding down the road. My face hit first. I skid and tumbled down the road. And I felt the concrete on my body. It was cold and hot. But didn't hurt. I screamed for a moment and lay there crying. I picked up the bike using it as a make shift crutch to help me walk. My legs wouldn't support my weight for some reason. I was drenched in blood and felt my body grow colder as I walked. What a relief.... It was 102 degrees outside.
My sisters turned back because I was not there. And could only follow the trail of smeared flesh and blood across the pavement to where I was. I thought i was screaming. I was crying. The tears stung my flesh, and while I thought I was yelling. I only whimpered for my father. Daddy. My sisters lay me down on the ground and everything went dark. I feel some men lift me up and put me in bed. This isn't my bed. I hear my father. His voice is not strong as it usually is. I could hear my mother's voice quiver and shake as she cried while the EMT's talked to them.
I arrived at the hospital and it was quiet. I am sure it wasn't. They did what they could and let me rest for an hour or two. Put me into a wheel chair and took me out to the truck. The ride was bumpy and long. Days went by and I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, I couldn't see. I had been cut off from the world around me. Only able to hear and barely able to move.
My face, neck, Chest, left arm, and legs were badly lacerated, I had suffered a concussion so I was not allowed to sleep for sometime. Only lay there and endure the pain. My tears soaking the gauze on my face and stinging the torn and badly scrapped skin under my eyes.
I spent a month like that. Only my imagination to keep me entertained. My father and mother sat with me. As I lay on the couch. Carrying me to the bathroom if I needed and watching my every movement. I wasn't able to eat. Instead I was handed shakes and other material which was ground up into a fine paste with a blender so that I could drink my meals. My father was strong. My mother was resilient. I know now. They wept in their bed at night praying I would not pass in my sleep.
I slept maybe three hours a night. The pain of it was more than anyone that age should bare. When today if something like that happens. The child is hospitalized and fed pain medications until they are healed. I couldn't be kept down. Once I had my strength. I wanted to go back to life. I still couldn't eat. I watch other kids play in the sun. I could not. If I went outside. Someone had to walk with me to keep me steady and cover me with an umbrella. I was a cub scout then. My father was the Scout master for our local pack. Troupe 961. It pained me to see my father walk out of the house for scouts and I was not allowed to go. I had an old school desk in my room. Something to allow me to study. By this point my homework and school work was being sent to me so I could work on it at home. I sat there in my desk working on what i could. My hand writing was horrible because my writing hand was still wrapped in gauze.
In the middle of a math problem. I dropped my pencil. Not good. I wasn't allowed to bend over. I am strong. I can do this. I lurched forward feeling the skin on my body stretch painfully. As I reached out and took the pencil in my hand I smiled. What I didn't expect was the pain involved with a simple smile. I felt the skin on my face crack and split and the pain returned quickly. That searing hot and cold mix. I immediately stood up. Which was not the most intelligent thing to do as I slammed my injured hand quickly into the metal edge of the desk.
I fell to the ground in pain. My body hitting the ground as hard as it did shook the floor in our small home. I heard my father run through the house and into my room. He knelt beside me and yelled for my mother. It sounded like a whisper. Is this what my life is going to be like? I just laid there as my father picked me up, and put my on my bed. I don't know what happened to that old desk. My mother later told me that because the desk had been the reason I was hurt, my father threw it away. A week later. My father bought me an actual desk. Nothing fancy, but it had drawers, and could be plugged into the wall for a lamp and anything else that was needed. I later found out, that caused a fight between my mother and father. My accident had placed the entire house in financial distress. The bills were piling up and tons of "final notices" were sitting on the kitchen table.
My mother after several hours of shouting, finally told my father that she was going to get a job to help pay the bills. This was my fault. I hadn't noticed how small the meals in the house were becoming. Or the fact that one night for dinner everyone had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. While I was being fed shake like meals. I was a little nosy. I had decided to go into the kitchen and walk around. I stood at the window and looked out at the sun. It made my eyes burn, so I turned away. I found a receipt for something from the hospital... "safe meal, for critically injured children"... $105 for a three times a day meal. I had been eating these for a month.
I had a good head for numbers then. Math was my favorite subject in school. I was eating more in a week, than my father brought home in two.
Dinner time came around. And while everyone gathered around to get their food. My father put on his smile and brought me my shake. I told him I wasn't hungry. I did this for several days. I wasn't going to watch my family go hungry because of me. I heard my parents talk that night. They were worried something was wrong. I won't lie, at night when I heard people sleeping. I would get up and take small sips of the shake my father brought to me. Only to add water to it so that it would look like I hadn't eaten.
About a week later my father picked me up and carried me into the kitchen to eat. I saw him pull what was left of the last box out and start making my meal. My mother looked at my father with a worried look as he placed the shake in front of me. And tried to convince me to eat. It had been a week of nothing but little sips of shake substance in the middle of the night. I was tired, weak, and gave into hunger. As I sat there and drank my meal, I watched my father cook up hamburgers. I missed hamburgers, the smell was at that point next to heavenly. I don't know if it was desperation or being tired of being treated like glass, but I asked if I could get up.
As dad put the burgers on peoples plates, he had made a few extra for everyone else. When mom had bought the meat, she had not planned on my accident occurring. The burger meat was supposed to be for my birthday dinner. I had not known this, but I walked out of the room and laid down on the couch in the living room. I faced the back of the couch so that no one could see me or here me cry. I was hungry, and tired of causing my family pain. I had however out of stubbornness saved my family from having to spend $700+ on me that week from my refusal to eat.
I wanted these bandages off, I wanted to be normal again, I wanted my family to be back the way it was.
After dinner, my father walked into the living room with the rest of my family. My sisters say on the floor. My mother on the couch next to me trying to check if I was ok. I wasn't but I told her I was. My dad turned on the TV and put the new Indiana Jones "Raiders of the Lost Ark" into the VCR, the movie started and everyone got quiet, I whispered to my dad if it was ok if I got some water. He said it was alright. I got up and went into the kitchen. The smell of hamburger meat still hung in the air, taunting me as I got my glass of water.
It was to much to handle for me I guess. I grabbed clumsily at one of the paper plates and took a burger, it was still warm. I broke it down into pieces small enough to fit between the holes in the gauze that was left for my mouth. It hurt. The pain of chewing racked my body with pain as I chewed the piece of meat. The taste however, was fantastic. The juices trickled down my throat and filled my mouth as I painfully but happily swallowed each bite. I heard my mother tell my father that she was going to the store and would be back in a moment. I couldn't tell her I loved her with a mouth full of hamburger meat. She left before I could swallow, so naturally I continued eating.
I had taken to long. My father walked into the kitchen as I stuffed the last of the hamburger into my mouth. I cried from both pain and joy as I ate the meat. My father only watched. I turned around to see my father standing there. Smiling as only he knew how. No one can reproduce that smile. He scooped me up in his arms and held me close. crying softly into my shoulder. It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry. He asked my why I ate the food when I was told I was not ready. I could only reply that I was ready. And tired. I wanted real food, and I wanted to see my family eat like they used to. Dinner had become so quiet since the accident. And I just wanted my family back.
To further explain, since the accident. My father had lost twenty pounds and my mother over thirty. My sisters had even lost weight because of me. I was more than ready. Some months passed and it was time to take the bandages off. My oldest sister insisted on being there with me to hold my hand when they removed the gauze. She felt responsible for the accident, though she didn't tell me this until I turned twenty one.
The doctor removed the bandages slowly to uncover my face, the scabbing and red tissue pulled away to reveal my face. My sister, threw up. My mother told me I looked fine, I knew it wasn't true. She reassured me with phrases like "There is my baby boy" & "I am so happy to see your face again."
It was October, life had all but returned to normal, I could tell people were still worried about me when I slept at night. I wanted to go out for Halloween, but I wasn't able to put on any costumes due to how "new" the flash on my face was. I was at this point, banned from going outside in the sun at all.
Now That I look back on everything, I guess I could have gone as a ghost or something, wore a sheet to cover my face, Instead, I made a joke of it to make people smile. I got out one of my old Sunday suits that barely fit me. The waist size was still the same but I had gotten taller. The stitches in my skin for months had left marks that looked truly gruesome and The striped shirt that I wore with the small suit coat was perfect. I crept into my dad's workshop where I found a large metal ring which was used to hold down bolts on the axles of cars. I put it on and screwed to bolts in. I wet down my hair slightly so it would lay flat. That Halloween, I was Frankenstein.
My father thought it was funny, and allowed me to go out. My mother on the other hand didn't like the idea and followed me the entire time in the car. Making sure I had water and a place to sit if I needed.
My family is extremely devout baptist. But my parents at this point just wanted us to have a normal childhood.
More months passed and I gradually began to be "normal" again.
I would say sometime in January, I was told by my father that since I was strong again & able to do things on my own, he wanted to know what I wanted to become when I grew up. I told him, a comedian. This did not fly. In fact it went over like a lead balloon. My mother was not pleased either. My father told me he was going to show me what I wanted to become. To show me, that it was not the type of life I wanted.
My mother wasn't sure about my father's idea. But she allowed it for some reason. That night. My father took me into the car, and we drove into downtown Saint Louis. The Fabulous Fox Theater. The Place was huge. The Show, was George Carlin. His Opening Act... 7 words you can't say on TV.
I enjoyed it, but I think the lesson that was supposed to be there was somehow lost on me. I did however take up music, something my parents encouraged.
I look back at some of the hardships I have endured in my life. My Father and mother split up when I was fourteen. And when I did get to see my father I was happy. My father always used to say to me, When you turn sixteen we are going to go out on the front lawn. And Then I am going to beat your ass, and until you can beat me or I give up. You will know I am still man of this house. This wasn't meant in malice. It is just how he was raised. I actually looked forward to it. My father wasn't the type of person to just hit someone, he needed a reason, and a good one.
A few more years pass, and it is my sixteenth birthday. Dad hadn't been around that much and was working a lot. My friends and I went snowboarding the night before and came back to town just in time for my birthday dinner.
He had come to the house the day before to give me my birthday present. I wasn't home. He left the gift with my mother. He had to work on my birthday, and couldn't get out of it. When we got out of the car, there were several cars sitting outside. Lots of people sat around and turned their attention toward the car from the window when I got out.
I proudly walked to the middle of the front lawn and stood there. I was waiting for my fight with my father. The one I had planned for, to just hug him tell him how much he meant to me. And to tell him he would always be the man of the house. Or at least until he told me to be.
My mother walked out from the house. I had been standing there for twenty minutes. My best friend's mother said something to him. He ducked his head and walked inside. My mother hugged me tightly and I returned her hug. She asked me to come inside. I told her no. I was waiting for dad. I heard my sisters start crying when I said it. My mother said something to me that nearly made me stop in time. That moment frozen forever in my mind. As if felt like the words echoed in my ears. My mind blank and the look frozen on my face. Like some statue built to commemorate some old war. The words that changed who I was in a heart beat. "He's not coming. Here this was from your father. It's your birthday present."
The last time I touched my father. Hugged him, Spoke to him, or heard his voice. Was Christmas day. And the present he gave me for my birthday, was a pocket knife I still carry around today.
My father passed away. January 10th, at 4:43 am, from two back to back major heart attacks. He was 43 years old.
I couldn't tell you the amount of different life lessons that I hope you take away from reading this.My only hope is that you take at least one.
Your parents. Your true parents. You only get two, cherish your time with them as long as you can. Never utter words of hate to them, you never know how long you will have them in your life. Remember your life is your own, and I would be no kind of person if I didn't tell you to live it how you want. But remember, your parents are a big part of who you are. Even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes.
And as for my Confession...
I love hamburgers.
Toys For Tots Comedy Tour!
Posted 14 years agoWell, Tonight was a great night for comedy.
A good cause, a packed house, & a lot of laughs.
I personally am thankful to the other comedians who came out and Donated their time for this charity. It is one of the subtle reminders why I am an entertainer in the first place.
Anywho. People keep in touch. I may be attempting to post up an audio sample later if I can track one down.
Later
And as always
Peace!
-Tracer
A good cause, a packed house, & a lot of laughs.
I personally am thankful to the other comedians who came out and Donated their time for this charity. It is one of the subtle reminders why I am an entertainer in the first place.
Anywho. People keep in touch. I may be attempting to post up an audio sample later if I can track one down.
Later
And as always
Peace!
-Tracer
Thanksgiving & Black Friday! Happy Holidays?! (Pod cast!)
Posted 14 years agoStop by and Give it a listen.
Not much to be said other than what is in the podcast.
Drop by And gimme your feedback!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6959275/
Not much to be said other than what is in the podcast.
Drop by And gimme your feedback!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6959275/
MFF - Pod Cast Interviews
Posted 14 years agoWell, Home from Mff.
And with some interesting interviews I will likely be posting in parts.
I had an enjoyable time bouncing between Con and heading downtown to get on stage.
Con + Multiple trips downtown= one tired coon.
In other news.
I got home to more confusion and random drama than I thought I would.
So, in turn. I have one thing to say.
Dumb
Retards
Asking for
More
Attention
That pretty much sums it up.
Looks like I am moving soon.
This will likely be later this year.
It depends on some circumstances.
But To those in Saint Louis or surrounding area.
I am going to have a party before I leave.
So watch the journals for info.
Take care
And as Always,
Peace!
Tracer
And with some interesting interviews I will likely be posting in parts.
I had an enjoyable time bouncing between Con and heading downtown to get on stage.
Con + Multiple trips downtown= one tired coon.
In other news.
I got home to more confusion and random drama than I thought I would.
So, in turn. I have one thing to say.
Dumb
Retards
Asking for
More
Attention
That pretty much sums it up.
Looks like I am moving soon.
This will likely be later this year.
It depends on some circumstances.
But To those in Saint Louis or surrounding area.
I am going to have a party before I leave.
So watch the journals for info.
Take care
And as Always,
Peace!
Tracer
