Did the site at some point have a random unfollowing of people? I swear in the last week I've followed a bunch of people I thought I already was. If you're one of those, I do apologize. It was really odd going through my favorites list and finding half the pictures I had there said I wasn't following the accounts.

Really should update this page. Yep, really should.

Hit 39 a couple months ago, getting closer to that big 4-0. Hadn't updated this profile page in around 10 years apparently, yeesh. Don't let your dreams be memes, kids!

There's a lot to write here really, but it needs done. Things have been, by anyone's standards, weird, probably even shitty for that matter, but at least for me, myself, I have been pretty much okay. Maybe even better than that really, since my depression is nothing like it used to be a few years ago, and this is without medication too, go figure. Just gotta remember to be true to yourself and it seems to help on that front a lot.

The weird, bad stuff though, involves my family and friends, which if anyone knows me, pretty much knows I'm pretty tight knit. We'll start with family. First thing is my sister, most people already know but a few months ago she was pregnant again but with a girl this time, however she lost the baby on the 19th week from a miscarriage. She also can't get rid of the deadbeat asshole who got her pregnant in the first place. She's tried, but he keeps coming back and won't stay away for long, and the police are no help. They can't or won't even serve him with a restraining order she attempted to get because he's never in one place long enough. It's just one big mess, but leave that one to her making lots of bad choices, especially with people. Some will never learn. She's still my sister though, meh.

Then there's my step-dad, who ended up with a foot infection around the same time as the miscarriage, that he left untreated for almost two weeks until he got sick enough that he HAD to go to the hospital. He ended up having infection in both feet and from being untreated enough, lost a toe on each one. All in all bad but not all that bad as much of a stubborn goat as he is.

Then last month my mom noticed a small cut on her foot from either stepping on something or just naturally developing from dry skin, we don't know, but the very next day she noticed a small infection starting so she immediately goes to express care. She gets some antibiotics and takes them, but 2 days later the infection is still growing, so she goes to the ER. Hospital admits her and starts giving her IV antibiotics. They end up running the entire gamut on her, but after 5 more days, the infection was STILL spreading and had reached her ankle. They tried every medicine they had available but the bacteria was just not stopping, they said it was a combination of normal Staph, and E.Coli, but they had to amputate her leg from below the knee down, the same way a friend of mine had to have hers done last year when she lost a long fought war with an infection in her foot that wouldn't go completely away after a year plus of treatment. Mom is in recovery at a nursing home right now still, but there's an extreme likelihood that she will be moving in here soon, for no idea how long.

Then to said friend with the missing leg, she had a heart attack almost two months ago and just got out of the hospital again from it, but that's been slow recovery. It hit out of nowhere, less than a year ago she had tests done while in recovery of her amputation, and they were clear. She started having some crazy back pain and went to the ER over it and end up finding blockage in all 4 chambers, some worse than others, so she ends up with an open heart quadruple bypass. To make matters worse, her Boxer gets stolen out of her friend's yard while she's stuck in the hospital. It's the second time that has happened to her, and both dogs were micro-chipped and still haven't been found. It's some pretty low scum to steal a person's dog.

Lastly, there's my girlfriend of 3 years. In the whole time I've known her, she's been fighting a constantly returning MRSA infection. She had even had part of her stomach cut away before, that kept constantly being reinfected, and it didn't stop it. In the last year she's had almost near monthly trips to the hospital with infection flareup, at lest 7 or 8, plus another trip last month from pneumonia. She also lost her mother during surgery to try to clear blood clots in her main arteries that caused a stroke a couple months ago, which we had to make trips to Pittsburgh to tend to her in the hospital there. All of this though, going on while she's been trying to prepare for upcoming gastric bypass surgery to lose weight, because she's scared of not being around for her daughter and hoping the weight loss will allow for getting rid of all the scar tissue on her belly that's believed to be hiding the MRSA that won't go away.

Her surgery is set for the 18th, and I'll be with her for that in Columbus for it and a few days for recovery, then I'll be staying with her for at least a week afterwards to help her recovery, through Christmas and most likely my birthday on New Year's too. Don't know for sure, but it's definitely going to be a true test of everything. I'm a little scared too, if only because of all the bad happening, I don't want any complications arising with her, plus I'm going to be way out of my comfort zone for a long while.

I'm kind of a sponge in a couple ways, I'm an emotional sponge and a luck sponge, it seems. My luck is rarely every average, it's all in extremes and I can never really manipulate it, it's either godly or god awful. Emotionally I'm almost a total Empath, whatever my loved ones are feeling is what I'm usually feeling. Empathy's a real bitch most of the time. This all leads me to wondering about karma. Knowing I feel for everyone like I do and all the crap happening with them, did I somehow piss off a karmic god to have all of this happen, or am I just having an extremely unlucky patch I'm passing on to everyone? I wonder sometimes, I really do. Guaranteed to be one hell of an end of year and beginning of the next, though.

And me? I'm still the same. I am a rock, and I'm fine with that, as long as erosion doesn't get the best of me.

Nostalgic evening. Or morning really, as it's nearly 4 AM as I start to write this and I'm not asleep. Missing old friends, old loves. One week from Xmas, two to my birthday. I'll be 31. I don't feel any different than I did half my life ago, save for more aches and pains, but that's just natural progression. Seems like the more other people change, the more I stay the same, hah. Did I grow up far too soon? I thought so many years ago. Did I never grow up at all? It's hard to tell, I've never wanted to truly totally grow up. There's something for having imagination. The thing I never really figured out is why I seem to befriend people older than me, and younger than me, almost rather easily.... but some people my own age, it just doesn't click.

My younger sister is now 23 with five kids, and no longer married. My younger brother, graduated high school, 18, and jobless, like so many others out there. Almost the spitting image of me with very few differences. He's got a girlfriend, practically lives here, they're engaged. I think it's a mistake. There's no set date, but that doesn't matter. What I think about that isn't important, only them really. He never had the troubles I did making friends, or expressing himself. He's not shy, unlike me. He takes after me gaming though. Never actually told him how that actually makes me proud. Most of his friends are my own friends too. Just goes to show age really is just a number. Real life is just something I still trudge through though, getting what enjoyment I can. I have friends, even lovers, yet there's something that just never feels quite right. There was an episode of House on a few weeks ago... the patient reminded me so much of myself. Too intelligent for his own good, that he couldn't find true happiness because of it. His mind would never stop. He ended up taking a simplistic job and doing some sort of drug-type abuse to dumb himself down. Can't say I would go that far.

Should try getting back into MUCKing again some. Been a while since I've logged in anywhere. Seems so difficult at times with everyone being new. Never could get in to Second Life, although I know some old friends went there. Just not my kind of thing. MUCKing itself is kind of a stretch, though. I enjoy meeting new people. Enjoyed RPing too at times. I'm just so flighty, doing so many things. Those stupid little Facebook games are my current addiction. They keep my mind occupied, that's usually the important thing.

To my older friends, who may not even be around anymore, I still think of you. To one in particular, she'd know who she was, I still miss you.

Life goes on, that's always a fact. Nothing seems quite right lately anymore though.

In a matter of months, gas and food have went up almost 50%. Average Joe out there is really starting to feel the pain of it, so Eccentric Joe like myself, with more than your average set of day-to-day troubles, just trying to make it, REALLY feels it all. There's hope to get through it all still, but it's taken its toll for sure. Unable to keep up with friends, especially seeing some that didn't used to be a problem, but now is, thanks to the economy in general.

But that's not all. Maybe I just long for the 80s or 90s again or something, but it seems to be getting more difficult to find decent TV lately that isn't overplayed all to hell and back. Especially Cartoon Network / Adult Swim. I've always been an animation fan, and that hasn't changed... but I can hardly stand to watch /anything/ on regular CN anymore, it's all starting to turn into more stupid drivel like Spongebob instead of having some thought to it. Toonami has just about all but vanished, save for only 2 hours on Saturdays now, and half of that is just their own shows right now instead of anime. At least, admittedly, it's Samurai Jack, one great show they had that ended before it should have, yet another American show without any kind of proper finale, just left hanging... and then Ben 10 Alien Force, which admittedly isn't half bad. Who knows how long it will stay in that time slot though, as it's changed about 4 times in the last few months.
Then the Adult Swim portion, the weeknights keep showing the same stuff over and over again, to the point they've even gotten rid of the anime portion of weeknights altogether, so that I usually turn to something else to try to watch just so I don't go crazy from watching the same shows over and over again in rapid succession.

And yet, even while typing this, I've listened to more than half a dozen remixes of the Zeal music from Chrono Trigger... sort of counter-manning everything I mentioned about repetitiveness. I guess I'm just an oddball with odd tastes in general. Some things never change, the more things get different. I'm not quite sure what possessed me to write this tonight, but, hey, I'm sure many people have written much more for less reasons.