I might have a slight rubber skunk / pooltoy skunk thing going at the moment. Maybe a species change or an alternative character?

Not all of you will know this, but I used to work for the military. I had a lot of fun and interesting experiences in my time, but I also had a lot of bad ones. In 2012, and again in 2013, I spent four months working in a forensic laboratory in Afghanistan. In the run up to Afghanistan, and during, I saw a lot of very unpleasant things, and went through some highly stressful situations. Images and experiences from that time still come to mind often and unbidden.

It's safe to say that my experiences have affected my mental health. Most days I am absolutely fine, but occasionally there will be something that knocks me badly and I go into a deep depression. In the last year these have been accompanied with thoughts of suicide. Fortunately, I have good friends who help me through those episodes, and I think that without their help I would have gone through with it. I am trying to get help because I worry that one day I will be somewhere where I don't have the opportunity to reach out for support, or because everything happens too quickly.

A lot of this comes from feeling like a complete outsider. Since my first tour in Afghanistan, I've felt like I've not fitted back into civilian life. I can't relate to things that others find important or interesting; it's just this constant blur of stuff that I can't connect to. I struggle to take things seriously, or even just to engage with things going on around me. It also comes from the things that I saw - things that have shaken my faith in humanity, and left me feeling like we do not deserve to survive as a species.

I'm not looking for help or platitudes; I just find that sometimes talking about this stuff makes it a bit easier to cope. It is what it is.

When I was a kid, Mum drove me and my sister around Europe in a camper van. We explored from the north coast of France to the Greek Peliponise. It was a really special adventure and it taught me that our neighbours aren't to be feared, that they aren't out to get our jobs. They are normal people like, just like us. I made friends, shared cultures and felt as much at home in rural Italy as I felt at home in rural Wales.

But that's all gone now. Lost. It has been destroyed by intolerance, xenophobia, ignorance, hate, lies and a political elite who decided that the best way to decide who would be the next prime minister would be by wagering the future of the country. I was angry. Now I'm just numb. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and it will all be a bad dream.

That got your attention, didn't it?

Any of you interested in being in a conjoinment pic with a female version of my character? Details here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18816708/

I guess I should do this thing and make it all official.

Where are you staying? The Hilton, across the street from the Hyatt.

How are you getting there? Direct flight from Manchester to Chicago O'Hare.

When are you arriving/leaving? Arriving on Wednesday 2nd Dec, flying home on the night of Tuesday 8th.

Who are you rooming with? crosscheck and wolfpawz

What is your gender? Male.

How old are you? 29.

Who will you be with during the con?: No idea! People I know, and new people too.

What fursuits are you bringing? I'm taking my plush suit, and also picking up a Mega Lucario <3

Can I give you hugs? Sure. Usual greasy paws disclaimer.

Can I kidnap you to my room? No thank you.

How will I find you at the con? Just look out for my plush suit!

Last time/last con/last meet/last chat we talked so much and now you forgot my name? Why??? I have a terrible memory. Too much beer or something.

Can I buy you drinks? Sure.

Other cons you may go to? ConFuzzled, where I work ConOps.

I'm having a day to recover from EF today, wash the fursuit and iron some shirts ready to go back to work tomorrow.

I quite enjoyed myself at EF this year - the atmosphere was a big improvement over last year and the con seemed to run fairly well. I spent a lot of time in fursuit, did a little gaming and went to a panel by Shoelace (noble-idler) on online privacy. mystifur and his team did a great job on the fursuit lounge, so suiting was a doddle, even though he weighs almost 25 lbs. After last year I'd been prepared to write EF off, but I am nom considering returning next year, and dragging theiratefox and wolfpawz along for a trans-European adventure.

Tomorrow I am going back to work and I am really not looking forward to that. I made a journal post a couple of weeks ago about work stress... things are improving, but the thought of returning to work still makes me very anxious. I'm working with the management to get my workload down to something more reasonable, but in the meantime I am going to have to just slog through it and accept that the quality of my work is going to suffer.

So, I'm going to be at Eurofurence, despite workload, etc.

Where are you staying?
Motelplus, Silbersteinstraße (nearby)

Means of transportation?
Flying/S-Bahn.

When are you arriving/leaving?
Fly in on Tuesday 18th. Fly out on Monday 24th.

Sharing a room with:
Nobody. I'm all on my lonesome.

How tall are you?
5.11".

What is your gender?
Male.

Which languages do you speak?
English and really bad German.

Where will you be most of the time during the day?
Lobby area... I may also take in some panels.

Who will you be with?
Whoever is about; I'm not fussy!

What suit(s) will you have?
Tryst, a Midori plush suit.

Can I dance with you?
I'm not a big dancer.

Can I touch/hug you?
I guess. Clean hands please... I don't want to be cleaning grease and much out of my fur!

Can I talk to you?
Of course.

Can I take photos of you/with you?
Fill your boots.

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
Beer is good.

Do you drink Alcohol/Smoke?
I drink alcohol. I used to smoke, but don't any more.

Can we hang out?
So long as we have something interesting to talk about :S

Other cons you may go to?
ConFuzzled (staff) and Midwest Fur Fest

Attending any events?
Online privacy and a couple of fursuit making panels.

How can I find you at the con?
I have a pretty distinctive fursuit.

Can we go out for dinner?
Maybe... I don't tend to make firm plans.

Are you buying art?
Not this time because I'm flying, not driving.

What do I have to watch out for, when I am meeting you?
Falling white goods.

What is the best way to contact you?
Twitter, Telegram, WhatsApp or this new invention called SMS.

May I kidnap you to my room?
Creepy

Last time/last con/last meet/last chat we talked so much and now you forgot my name?
That was probably a few beers ago.

I have a personal question for the convention. May I ask you that?
You can ask, but I don't have to answer.

So, yeah. I've not updated this thing in a while but I feel like I need an outlet at the moment.

Some of you may be aware that, at the start of the year, I left the civil service and joined a FTSE100 company to help them with their product security. It's a lucrative job and I'm being paid well, so I feel like I owe my employer something.

Things were going well to begin with. I feel like I've made an impression and I've got my colleagues thinking about the role that information has in our products and its value, I had a manageable workload and I was making an impression around the business. I had a research project and a systems development day job and those kept me busy all week. So far, so good.

About two months into my job it was decided by my superiors that I'd also be supporting another development project and that my time would be split roughly 50/50 between my original work and this new project; I had no say in this and it was presented to me as a fait accompli by my new part-time boss. As I was still new in the business I was keen to impress and I didn't want to kick up a fuss - this is where the trouble began.

Within a month I had another research project and I was expected to keep pace with the rest of my second team who were all working full time on the project. I'm now under pressure to deliver to the same deadlines, despite having half the time to complete the same tasks. I point this out during planning meetings but it feels like it's falling on deaf ears because delivery is king and the overriding concern of my superiors is meeting deadlines.

It's got to the point now that when I'm at work I'm irritable with my colleagues, short with my boss and seek solitude to concentrate on my work, which is no easy task in an open-plan office. When I'm not at work I'm thinking about work and feeling anxious because I've still got so much to do before the next deadline. I'm working late, working weekends and actively considering cancelling Eurofurence to get an extra week of work in on the off chance it will help me meet my next deadline. I'll lose the money I spent on flights, con fee and hotel, but that doesn't seem to matter much right now.

I don't really know what to do. I feel like if I keep going like this I will have a breakdown or lose it at work, but the thought of failure is shameful as well. I'm still in my first year so if I screw up I expect I'll be out on my arse. I also realise that I'm lucky to have a job - one friend has been made redundant lately and a very good friend is unemployed as a direct result of me quitting my last job and moving house, so I've got to make this work.

God, I feel lost right now.

Lots of photos were taken of my plush suit at CFz. I'm going to post them up here once I figure out who took them so that I can get permission and attribute credit, so expect much fluff in the coming days ^^

Should I post pictures of my squeaklatex kangaroo suit here? Not sure if it's everyone's cup of tea >.>;

I'm going to write a fuller report on MWFF at some point, but I had the following in my buffer so I thought I'd cover it off now as there's a lot of interest.

---

The following information is truthful to the best of my knowledge, based on official statements made by the convention or things that I witnessed first hand. I was staying in room 372 in the west tower - the stairwell in question was immediately outside my room.

Some time before 00:45 on Sunday quantity of powder containing chlorine was released in to the West stairwell, with the majority of it settling on the intermediate landing between floors 9 and 10. It began to decompose, releasing chlorine gas in to the hotel.

A number of people on the upper floors complained of a strong chlorine smell in the vicinity of the stairwell. Some reported respiratory problems and other symptoms consistent with exposure to chlorine. The hotel called 911 and first-responders discovered the chlorine powder in the stairwell. A full-scale evacuation of the hotel commenced shortly after 01:00 (I'd been asleep for roughly half an hour).

Initially we were evacuated to Bryn Mawr Ave, which is the street outside the hotel. It was very cold - around 0°C - and most people weren't able to pick up warm clothes on the way out. Some fursuiters helped to keep freezing attendees warm. During this time more emergency services arrived, including the fire departments hazardous chemicals unit.

After nearly an hour we were gradually moved in to the convention centre across the street from the hotel. The MWFF staff had managed to regroup and organise themselves by this point and were directing us out of the cold. Some information also started to flow from the midwestfurfest Twitter account, which was useful as there was no direct means of public address.

We were held in the convention centre for quite a while as Rosemont PD needed to collect evidence before clean-up could be finished. By 04:25 I was back in the hotel, heading for my bed.

19 people were taken to hospital during the incident, but not all of those were as a result of chlorine exposure: at least two (that I witnessed) were secondary issues arising from being evacuated in the middle of the night. Of those 19 people, 18 were released from hospital later that day.

It is not yet known whether the powder came to be in the stairwell as a result of malicious action, however Rosemont PD believe that it was possibly an intentional act and have opened a criminal investigation.

---

Lately I've been struggling a lot with the simple task of interacting with other human beings and my environment. Yesterday was the worst I've been for a long time - I couldn't even hold a meaningful conversation and I spent the whole day looking at the floor. Going to the supermarket was particularly unpleasant because of all the people, noise, etc.

Normally this stuff doesn't bother me too much, but lately I've felt a lot less in control of my life than usual and that's pushed me down. The cause of all this? A new job. However, I don't have a start date yet so I've not been able to resign from my current job and everything is up in the air until I know when I can move house. Hopefully getting that date will fix a lot of how I'm feeling at the moment, and the new job will be the opportunity to do some proper engineering.

At least, that's what I hope.

Stolen from foxwolf9-tails

Where are you staying?
The Hilton, across the road.

What day are you getting there?
Thursday evening.

How are you traveling?
Flying, of course!

Who will you be rooming with?
Nobody. I have a room to myself.

What is the best way to find you?
I will be in my plush domestic cat by midori8 for a lot of the con. He's pretty distinctive with his blue cast! When I'm not suiting I will be in close proximity to alcohol.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Furry HAMs, Kage's Story Hour, Puppy Role-Play, Quitting the Fandom! and Convention Horror Stories (I have a few of my own)

What do you look like?
Like this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1336928/

Will you be suiting?
God, yes.

Do you do free art?
No

Do you do trades?
No!

Do you do badges?
No!!

What is your gender?
Male

How tall are you?
5'11" out of suit

Can I talk to you?
Sure

Can I touch you?
Creepy

How can I find you?
You asked this already.

Can I visit your room?
Again, super creepy. Why am I going to a furry convention again?

Can I buy you drinks?
I guess o.o

Can I give you stuff?
No thank you. I have limited amount of space to take things home after stuffing my bags with A&W root beer!

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
In suit, sure! Out of suit is still a bit weird for me.

Are you nice?
People tell me I'm nice, but I'm not convinced.

Do you have an artist table?
No.

Will you be going to parties?
Yes, probably.

Will you be performing?
No.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Say hi!

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
In suit. Even at panels, I'll probably be in suit.

What/where will you be eating?
No clue.

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Yeah, maybe. Depends if I trust you not to show me up in a restaurant. You've got to use the right cutlery, you know?

Can I look in your sketchbook?
Sure. There's nothing in there so far.

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
Maybe.

Can I take your picture?
There's nothing to stop you taking my picture in public.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
This is my first American furry convention, so it's very much an exploratory affair.

I'm thinking about getting underarm crutches for CFz. They look a lot easier than forearm ones that we're used to in the UK. Does anyone have any experience of both and can offer me an opinion?

Stolen from  wolfpawz

Days staying:
21st May to 27th May

Staying at:
The Main Hotel

How are you traveling?
By car

Who are you rooming with?
 jencen

Who will you be with?
Friends, staff and friendstaff.

Where will you be? How is the best way to find you?
Con-ops a lot of the time. I'll also be giving three lectures on spaceflight.

What do you look like?
Six foot tall, black hair, overweight and a big, blue leg cast are definite clues.

What is your gender?
Male

How old are you?
3^3

How tall are you?
1.0746 smoots

Can I talk to you?
Yes, of course. I encourage [relevant] questions during my talks. Bear in mind that I may be on duty when I'm in con-ops, helping other guests.

Can I hug you?
Sure. Unless you're stinky.

Are you nice?
Not really. I'm friendly and helpful, but I'm also evil.

Anything I shouldn't do?
Don't steal my crutches.

Are you fursuiting?
Negative.

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
N/A

Can I try on your suit?
N/A

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Say hello?

Can I ask ya to dance with me during the dances?
I don't normally dance and I'm even less likely to with my leg in a cast.

Can I buy you drinks?
Of course! I will ruthlessly hunt you down to return the favour though.

Do you attend parties?
Nope.

Can I take a picture of you?
I'd rather you didn't.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
Survive. Maybe try inspire some people with space. Yeah... that sounds good.

If you want to know anything else, you're more than welcome to ask here.

See you at Confuzzled!

First off, I want to offer an apology to everyone I hang out with online, trade notes and emails with, etc. I've pretty much failed at social stuff lately for a variety of reasons, not all of which are good. I find it a little ironic that I've been less available in the UK then I was in Afghanistan where communications were a genuine struggle.

1) Work is insanely busy. I knew it was going to be bad when I got back to it, but my feet haven't touched since I started back. I've been working 50 hour weeks, something I'd promised myself I wouldn't do. Unfortunately, we're still grotesquely understaffed so everyone's working overtime to make up for that.

2) I've buried myself in offline adventure games when I'm not at work. More specifically, I am working my way through the Bioshock series. I've just finished the original and will be starting number 2 as soon as I can.

3) I'm not rehabilitating as fast as I did last time. I think I am doing a better job of it, although I still need to renew relationships with my family. They live a long way away, which makes it difficult. On the other hand, friendships are definitely healthier.

So, yeah. I will try get around to writing to everyone and catching up and stuff like that. It may take me a little while as my house is being inspected on Wednesday, so I'm devoting most of my free time to cleaning and patching the place up a bit.

I've been ready to go home for a while... pretty much ever since I discovered that there's no real work for me to do and that I'm mainly here to support my boss by doing the clerical work. So much for all that training and experience!

The good news is that I'm only a week away from going home now, RAF permitting. It will take nearly 2 days to get home, but I don't really care about that too much, just that I'm going home.

I've not done one of these in a couple of weeks, and recent events have definitely been food for thought.

Yesterday we held a parade and service of remembrance, as it was Remembrance Sunday of course. The civilians from work, me included, joined the parade at the back to pay our respects. Holding a service of remembrance in an operational theatre of war is especially poignant, not least because there have been two deaths on my tour so far. Hopefully there will be no more.

I didn't take on enough water before the parade and managed to give myself heatstroke. I feel better today, but still a bit headachey. Ho hum - at least I didn't faint.

Work itself has been quiet and I've found plenty of time to do a bit of gardening. I've got a thriving garden in my fume cabinet now (photo to come in my scraps). I did want to plant them outside, but it's a bit cold at night now, so I will continue to grow them under artificial light in the lab. I've got special lamps on the way from Amazon as so far I've been growing them under my photography lights which won't induce flowering.

I've been spending a fair bit of my tour bonus on art and toys lately, but I have also managed to save a good chunk of it in an investment ISA which I have used to buy shares in Merlin Group. For those of you unfamiliar with Merlin, they own/operate most of the big theme parks and mid-way attractions in the UK, such as Alton Towers, Thorpe Park, LEGO Land, Sealife Centres, London Eye, London Dungeons, Madame Tussaud's, etc... I'm looking for something else to invest in early next month after I get paid.

Time to get on and do some work. I'll also be trying to write some notes and blueys in the next few days as well.

~Tryst

Work got pretty crazy lately - there was a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. However, I am glad to report that everything is more or less back to normal. There has been one minor change to my routine, but the upshot of that is that I am now back in my tent by 9pm every night chillaxing. I owe a few of you notes, emails or blueys. I will try get through them in the next couple of days.

So what's been happening?

A couple of days ago my boss tasked me with migrating all of our working files to Microsoft SharePoint. For those of you not familiar with SharePoint, it is an abomination. It's Microsoft's super, duper collaboration environment that's supposed to revolutionise the way we work, yada yada. Unfortunately, every SP deployment I've ever worked with is badly thought out, poorly executed and makes the job more difficult and time consuming - basically the complete opposite of what it's supposed to do. I was ready to quit over it earlier this week because it is that bad. I've managed to get through the worst of it now and achieved workarounds to limit my exposure to it, as have most of my colleagues.

Yesterday was my birthday. My colleagues and I celebrated my third cube year with a meal at the ESKO Blue Steakhouse at the other end of camp. Much meat was eaten and the transport proved to be highly entertaining. I ferried everyone up and back on a Kawasaki Mule, which is a light quadracycle with a top speed of 25MPH and no doors. I was very touched by my colleagues who made me a card and gave me money. So much so that I tried to pay the bill in secret, but alas I was discovered!

Today was more or less back to normal. I got to do my regular work, although I had a young military policewoman sitting in my lab with me to learn about my job. That was a slightly unusual experience for me as I normally work alone, but it was nice to have a little company. We broke up the day by heading over to Camp Leatherneck to get smoothies. I got chai tea flavour, which is delicious. :9

Welfare wise I'm not doing too badly. Having to finish work early every evening has caused a bit of stress, but nothing I can't cope with. To be honest, it feels good to have a challenge as that helps the days go quicker. I'm now well and truly on the downhill slope at 59 days in and 50 to go until my planned end of tour date. I have more or less figured out, in broad strokes, what I will be doing over Christmas and New Years' as well. I will have a quiet Christmas at home and there will hopefully be the opportunity to spend a couple of weeks in a hip spica cast afterwards.

That's all for now. <3

I am half way through my tour. That is all.

Well, today was an absolutely rubbish day. I was rushed off my feet all day and I didn't finish work until 23:35. Worse, we lost one today - the first one on my tour - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24539545

There is some good news to report. I'm about a week from the half-way point in my tour and I think I've finally achieved an acceptable quality of life out here. So far I have:
- Bought a TV receiver for my lab PC so that I can listen to the radio in glorious digital stereo.
- Bought a wardrobe for my bed space. This is much better than the hanging shelves that the bed spaces are usually equipped with.
- Obtained a bedside table and a fridge, also for my bed space.
- Bought an ultraportable laptop computer. I had brought my Nexus 7 with me, but that proved to be wholly inadequate as my only computer. I will continue to use it in my bed space for pod casts, Skype and Twitter.
- Obtained a coffee maker for my lab.
- Acquired an Internet connection in my lab. This is easily the most valuable acquisition to date as it has allowed me to be online all day, in touch with my friends via IM and IRC.
- Acquired a duvet. I was sleeping in a sleeping bag, which wasn't great.
- Obtained a carpet for my bed space. Gotta have those creature comforts. ^^

Now all I need to do is get to bed as it's very nearly Wednesday here! Hopefully my boss will let me come in late tomorrow morning.

So much for the weather cooling down. It's still 36C today, despite the MET office's protestations that winter is coming. However, it is getting cooler overnight - last night it was 16C and I ended up wearing my fleece to keep warm. 16C doesn't sound that bad, but when you have become used to daytime temperatures of 40C, it feels proper cold!

There's been some good news lately: I ordered some things from Amazon last week and they arrived yesterday. I got a new laptop (Asus Vivobook S200E) and a copy of Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex 1st GIG, so that's my communications and entertainment sorted for a little while.

It feels really good to be using a laptop again. My tablet feels very cramped for most things and the laptop is much more spacious, not to mention having a keyboard! I'm very impressed with the laptop itself - the build quality is excellent and it is very light at only 1.8kg. The touch screen is bright and crisp; however, at only 1366 x 768 pixels it's not full HD. That's not a huge problem as it doesn't have a BluRay drive. In fact, it doesn't have an optical drive at all, but that's unsurprising for a laptop only 21.6 mm thick.

Unfortunately, there is a major downside to the new laptop: Windows 8. I saw a lot of hate about the latest version of Windows online; never being one to prejudge something purely on popular opinion, I held back until I tried it. Now, after giving it a go I can safely say that I hate it too. It feels very restrictive compared to Windows 7 and the frequent interruptions by Metro is a significant source of annoyance. If anyone can send me Debian install media and rescue me from this hell I will be extremely grateful!

I'm glad I didn't finish this journal entry until late as today turned out to be quite an interesting day. The post run this afternoon was disrupted due to an incident that resulted in a lot of fuss and body armour. I'm sure it will come out in the news, but in the meantime I am not going to divulge it here. Unfortunately I discovered that my body armour needs a serious wash as it is pretty minging.

I've been left on my tod this evening; everyone else has gone on a social to the coffee shop and I've been left to write the sitrep. At least I have online friends for company.

I'm watching the weather forecast on BBC London and it looks like it's going to be a ridiculously wet at home today. Here we're going to have glorious sunshine with highs of 36C - pretty mild by Afghan standards. It has been cooling down, thankfully.

I found out today that I'm earning post tour leave at a rate of 0.5 days per full week. I'm here for 15 weeks and 5 days, so I will get 7.5 days off as soon as I get back. That will take me to the 29th of December. After that I'm thinking of taking a couple of weeks, which would give me a month off in all. I can either spend all four weeks at home in Sevenoaks, or spend Christmas week in Wales. I'm leaning towards the former at the moment; Christmasses at home tend to be emotionally strained affairs and, after 4 months of Camp Bastion, all I'll want is some peace and quiet. I can use the time to catch up with Borderlands 2, Saints Row 3 and Planetside 2.

If I do stay at home I can host a Christmas dinner for friends, something that I last did when I lived in Woking. Nobody deserves to be alone on Christmas.

So the Republicans took their opposition of healthcare reform to the brink and then beyond, forcing the US government in to shutdown. It seems pretty crazy and spiteful to me. If any of you are federal employees, I hope it gets sorted out quickly so that you can get paid.

Inter-house deadlock is a continuing hazard in two-house democratic systems. It has happened in the UK a few times, where bills have been shuttled backwards and forwards between the House of Commons and the House of Lords. However, we've never had to shutdown the government. This is something that I am thankful for as a civil servant.

News just in: President Obama opens an address to the US Armed Forces with "Hi everybody." (?!?) Have some decorum, man!

There isn't a great deal for me to do this morning, so I've gone back to my tent to do my ironing and spod for a bit. Proxima came around and fixed the wireless this morning. Apparently it needs resetting on a regular basis. Most things are like that out here; make do and mend.

Speaking of which I fixed the coffee maker that I was given yesterday. It tripped out the electrics again this morning so I had a closer look and found a live part inside that was only a mm from an earthed part. The RCDs (GFIs in Americanese) are now much happier and the lab smells of delicious coffee.

In other news, I'm going slightly crazy waiting for stuff from Amazon. I've also ordered a few things from my wish list, including reading materials for the lectures I will be giving at CFz next year.

I'm making this journal post offline as the Internet is broken again. However, I did manage to get online this morning and order a new laptop, and commission a lot of art last night. I love pay days!

It has definitely been an interesting day today. The morning was punctuated by a car bomb outside the camp. I've gotten quite blasé about security and that was a wake up call for me. There's no serious danger, but it has made me a lot more cautious.

The afternoon brightened up morale wise when the other sub-unit gave me a filter coffee machine, which promptly fused all the electrics in my lab. It turns out that it had a serious electrical fault. I've fixed that now and my lab is filled with the delicious smell of freshly made coffee <3

On the weekend I finally received official notification of my promotion at work. I'm now a senior engineer, which means more money, but also a lot more responsibility. I'm hoping it will also mean less overtime and more time with my friends and family. ^.^