Let's talk about Julien going into like, his first heat!

It's crazy for him because he loses his mind, you know what I mean? Everyone is trying to keep him confined and everything on the DL because he could be easily taken advantage of.

So obvy Uncle is like, shit fuck yes, knock him up I'm king again because yeah, that's how it works. So, yeah, give me your scenarios, I got my own that's just like, dirty talk that isn't really dirty?? Like sweet talk I guess, some body worship, oral, than all the fucking and creampies, all the good stuff.

I need to talk to people about this. @A@

-- Tsu

I'll be busy for the next few weeks catching up and finishing long over due commissions, which means I won't be around much and if I am I'll be stressed and upset as all get out.

I have so much to do and I really want to finish the backlog of work I have, I'm 100% certain it's why I'm as stressed as I am and I need to finish them before I can take on more work.

So please this busy little Tsu for being so busy. ;A;

-- Tsu

And this seemed like the place.

Tumblr is too- sensitives to ideas or pairings including incest, despite the fact that it is wholly fictional and I can discern that from reality with ease.

Anyway, when it comes to smut I have a tendency to have Julien and Kowalski be the type of couple that, although they do love each other deeply and love to have sex together, they also like to try different things.

Why am I explaining that, the idea is that Uncle King Julien comes to visit his nephew and new family, the girls are toddlers at this point and have no opinion whatsoever about their uncle.

I fucking love Julien's uncle and I love them having a past involving fucking each other, Kowalski is aware and both he and Julien set the night up to ambush his uncle into a fuck. I want to draw or write it out so badly, Kowalski loves to watch and the dialogue I keep thinking up is so my jam!

Uncle King Julien is like, shocked at first but soon understands what it is Julien saw in Kowalski if he shares Julien's promiscuity, it's an idea that's apart of a small AU where Julien and Kowalski use sex to control people, it's such a fun AU.

But yeah, it's like everything I like, incest, voyeurism, control via sex.
Wish I could draw it out, it's much easier for me to do that than write, I'm terrible at writing.

But let me know what you think, no one really talks to me about my ideas anymore and I guess it really lowers my motivation to create, the best thing in the old days was talking and sharing ideas, drawing them, sometimes writing. I really miss that, I mean, even if it's just like one other person, I miss the community of enjoying the fuck out of this franchise and smut.

-- Tsu

In a financial bind, the link below will send you to the journal explaining the situation, thank you:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7644990/

I really fucking hate to do this.

I need some help.

Look, I really hate to ask anyone for anything, it physically hurts my pride and drowns me in guilt when I need to, because I need to.

We're running out of toiletries, food.
I'm at my wits end, my husband only keeps telling me his next paycheck will be lite and only keeps telling me I need to pick up the slack, I'm shaking with rage. I do my very best with what little we have but it's so frustrating.

I need help.
I'm working on changing things that will help me in the long run but right now, I need some help.

I'm asking if anyone would be willing to donate to me, at the very least 50.00, I can get the minimum with that. My email down below is the same as my paypal email but here's a link to a donate thing: https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/w.....e17951d2c62172

You are under no obligation to donate. I'm sorry.

Thinking about Breakdown doesn't make me cry anymore, not as badly I guess.

Everything reminded me of him, everything still reminds me of him.
I'm doing my best to get back to drawing, it's been almost a month since I've drawn anything seriously. First the depression and suicidal urges, than losing my baby, it's been terribly rough for me lately.

I don't want to get my hopes up, I'm afraid something bad will happen again.

Sorry for being so quiet and unproductive but thank you for your support. Those of you who stay by my side or try to keep my chin up for me when I can't myself, you all mean a lot to me, I'm just terrible at being open and trusting, so please forgive me for that.

I really hope I can heal from all this but thank you for your continued support. <3

-- Tsu

Breakdown, my beloved cat, passed away yesterday.

If you follow me on tumblr than you know how important he was to me.

Breakdown was more than a cat to me, he was my heart and soul, my calm and perfect companion.
He was born August 8th, at about four in the morning after his mother was having complications with birthing him. Breakdown was breeched and stuck in the birth canal, after doing quick research I managed to free him.

His tiny little paws were purple and he wasn't breathing, I was crying and began to clean him off, then he squeaked his first breathe, in my hands he took his first little breathe and in that instant I knew he was mine and I was his.

He had a rough start to life, first his birth, than my husband dumping him a few blocks away (I went out for him and brought him home telling my husband that Breakdown was staying no matter what) and when he nearly died of hypothermia at a young age. (all of this happened in his first year)

He was my everything, my best friend, my baby, when I had a panic attack he came running to keep me company, when I cried he was there until I felt better. He was my purpose.

I don't know what happened, there was a huge thunderstorm that night and in the morning when I called him for breakfast he didn't come running and meowing like usual. I went out to look for him and found him unresponsive in my neighbors yard, lying on the ground, drenched.

I lost it, I lost everything. I had to go get him and bring him home, to the home where he was born, where I held him for the very first time.

He's buried now, wrapped in my favorite shirt. I'm devastated. Everything reminds me of him. I loved him more than I have ever loved, more purely and honestly than ever. He was going to be three this August.

I know no one cares but he didn't deserve what happened to him, please forgive me until this stops hurting so much. Thank you.

-- Tsu

I called the Suicide hotline, promised the guy I would tell everyone about what I was feeling and planning on going through with, my mom came over and took me to her house to- get out of this house.

Called my therapist, who scheduled an early week session to see me, than I called a local crisis hotline to become familiar with them in case I need to be- put in hospital or something. So I talked to everyone, tried to convey how I felt-

And I don't feel better, I feel worse.
I feel like I keep letting everyone down, that I need to get this over with and done. Telling my husband didn't help and made me feel the worst.

I cried myself to sleep last night, I just started crying and thought- okay, this is it, try to sleep.
Spent this morning on the floor fantasizing about my death.

And now I'm just- really really fighting the urge to cut my palm open, I really want to.
I'm sorry I'm this.

I've spent the last six years trying to forget what happened but it's never going to go away.
And I'm going to keep suffering for it.

I've been in a bad place for a long time and these past few months have been terrible.

So let me level with you, I'm planning to kill myself next month and everyone around me has been trying to stop that but they aren't doing a good job.

And FA is not a good place to open up, people hate that, but I haven't done anything in weeks, nothing but commissions, and- my life I can't do it anymore.

I'm being bombarded with more and more memories I tried to forget and it sounds stupid I bet but this has been going on for years and I finally have a date and everything I need to end all this stupid suffering.

I know I'm meant to be a source of fun times and bringing those to people but I'm too tired. I can't keep doing this.

Commissions and sleepless nights because of- past things.

Tsu is a tired and is sorry for no art lately, 80% of my current commissions are all private but look forward to a little art on my patreon at the end of this month/beginning of the next.

Working hard.
Always working and... having mental and emotional breakdowns related to a thing no one here knows about because of reasons that could make it worse for me... sorry. hugs.

-- Tsu

April 19, 2016

-Commissions will be a tad late, to those clients who check my FA, other matters have been demanding my attention and time, so sorry!-

For all commissions that have already been paid for, I should have them done this weekend!

Thank you for your patience and for commissioning me, I appreciate the bizz bam out of you all and love being able to draw for you! <3

-- Tsu

I'm a good artist.

I have a nice style and I like it.

So why do I feel like it's the absolute worst thing??
I'm going to lie down on the floor for a few hours... why is my happiness so fleeting??

It's been a really bad day, I'm not doing well mentally at all.

-- Tsu

I've been very busy!

Emotionally, uh, physically too I guess, but super busy!

The days just keep passing by and my sense of time is all over the place but I've been doing a ton of sewing and drawing but mainly being a wife and taking care of everyone and everything is keeping me busy! ;A;

Hopefully with summer sneaking up on us I can have some more free time, I NEED FREE TIME.

I hope everyone is doing well, sorry for not replying to notes or emails, I- grr, I just keep losing track of time and before I know it BAM it's been a week. But that's all on me!

I don't know how to end this journal aaaah spring break is coming be safe!

-- Tsu

Added a second monitor along side this laptop.

So the laptop screen is for watching videos while I can dedicate nothing but drawing and working on the second monitor.

So far- it was a very hard adjustment, two monitors means twice the light, than becoming accustomed to drawing on a whole new screen, moving things around to get even mildly comfortable, think I finally have a good sense of space now, lets hope that means more arts soon.

I really have a lot I want to draw but gosh ferret-all if it's been a rough time of it for me lately.

Only just recently got my medication refilled, still need to go in for blood work, AND STILL cleaning up from the flood in October, can you believe that! I bet you can, it's the most stressful.

(hugs)

-- Tsu

I haven't done anything.

Being creative lately is painful.

-- Tsu

I need to type up a cover letter and up to date resume for a Nickelodeon internship for the summer but I'm not good at these sorts of things.

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to skype with me tonight and help me through it and keep me motivated to finish it and send it off.

My mental health hasn't been my best friend recently but I'm doing my best to make an important change for myself, so if you want to keep me company and help me out tonight feel free to send me a note and I'll give you my skype name.

I need to be confident, Tsu wants to make her life better for Tsu!

-- Tsu

This has been a rough week for a lot of people, myself included.

My dad for sure.
Won't get into it, I'm sure we all know who's passed and such just- really shaped my childhood and who I was, ya know.

Their suffering is over now, they can rest easy, they both deserve to.

Such is life but that doesn't mean we stop living, hope everyone stays safe. 2016 seems to be off to a rocky start for a ton of us but it will get better, hope is always the important ingredient to life. <3

-- Tsu

I'm trying so hard and doing the best I can but right now- I can't afford to buy food.

And I feel terrible and useless. I'm doing the best I can and don't really eat more than once a day to help make food last, my husband can find food at work but I'm here at home 24/7.

Even with the little extra I get from my patreon it all goes so fast and it's all for food or health necessities.
I'm actually afraid to tell people on tumblr because- I don't know, I feel so ashamed. I can't seem to do anything right.

I can't describe it in words what this depression is doing to me.

-- Tsu

I'm just- really sad and depressed.

Lots of reasons.
No idea what to do.

-- Tsu

I hope it's good to you!

I want you to be happy and succeed in this new year of 2016, because you deserve to be happy!

Enjoy it and live a good life!

I don't do anything for New Years but if you do stay safe and have fun, see you in the New Year and may it be good to alle of us! (hugs and kisses!)

-- Tsu

Bah, this month has been crazy for me, barely getting started on cleaning the house and still so much to do.

I have a ton to do, I know!
Believe me, I do know, my anxiety is at full throttle constantly, so don't worry, I know.

But I will give myself more stress because I am desperate for something.

If someone was willing to write a short fic or a drabble, something, between Julien and his Uncle, hella NSFW, I will draw a sketch for you.

I will pile more on me because I NEED THIS.

I need. :>

Sooo, I hope everyone had a great Christmas, New Year is coming, have a good one of those in case I forget to post about it, I love you all, bring it in, give me some online hugs and kisses!

-- Tsu

Okay, I got everything else set up, but there are like, three different streaming software options, which one is the best one for a little laptop to use? ;A;

-- Tsu

_{p.s I also made a new skype but for now that's going to be collecting dust.}

I wish I could stream.

I used to do it all the time back in 2009-10, before- stuff happened.

I wish I could do a lot of things I used to do online, I was gaining confidence and had friends who loved to talk and I didn't feel lonely or awkward.

Now I do everything alone, too scared to skype again, or really talk TALK to people online. My offline friends don't really like any of the stuff I do, so it's weird to show them or try to include them.

I'm a weirdo, I get that, I mean, my husband once just- called me sick and a bunch of other things because of PoM/Julien. Man, that was a while go, I fell into a really bad depression after that.

Sigh, I miss the old community. I never felt alone.

-- Tsu

December 13th, lucky number 13, Dan 'The Man' Marino 13!!

I'm 29 and feeling fine!
Thanks be to God I'm still here, thanks of enormous love to everyone who support me and indulge in all the silly Tsu-ness of it all, thank you thank you!

Gunna binge on sweets and All Hail King Julien, come up with more smutty ideas, just try and have a ball because this was the day back in '86 when I graced the world with a presence that would blossom into a full blown lemur loving Julien explosion!

It's 3:30 in the morning and I already had too many sweets!
I may be 29 but just the other day I was mistaken for 14, like seriously!

I hope I have a good day!

-- Tsu

Uncle thinks he's completely in control here, he gives the orders, he tells Julien what to do and Julien IS doing them, there is absolutely no reason he would think he hasn't won.

But he hasn't, Julien knows his Uncle, he wasn't originally going to take his act as far as he did, but he doesn't mind it. All he has to do is act how his Uncle wants and no one will suspect a thing.

One part of the idea stays canon friendly, were Julien gets the key and everything ends the way it did, another is slowly turning into a full AU where Julien keeps the act up long term, long enough for Crimson to grow suspicious, but Uncle doesn't believe any of her misgivings.

Maurice and Clover know that Julien is putting on an act and use the time to plot a proper coup which would result in Uncles death and finally stopping his attempts of controlling the kingdom.

Julien kills his Uncle the way his Uncle and Mother killed his own father, than how his Uncle killed his mother. :>

My husband is doing better btw!
Tho I'm dead on my feet and ready to sleep forever. ;A;

Tsu is such a tired Tsu...zzzz.

-- Tsu

I actually managed to get to bed early tonight but at around two in the morning John got up and started violently vomiting, I got up as fast as I could and did all I could to help him.

From what we can tell he got sick either from a student throwing up on him yesterday, he works at a HS, or it was some bad coffee he had drank a few hours before, either way I called his workers and supervisors to let them know he wouldn't be going into work.

I hate seeing him like that, he has a very sensitive tum, he took a shower, threw up again, and then decided to sleep in his armchair in the living room rather than the bedroom, which is fine. I'm sleeping on the couch to make sure he sleeps through the night and is alright.

I need to call my mom and reschedule our lunch tomorrow, she was going to take me out for my birthday but I think it should wait until Friday.

My birthday is on the 13th btw, gunna be 29, getting old. Phew, really rough night.
Talk to me about Uncle/Julien, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. @3@
_{non-con, dub-con, fantasy, canon friendly, whatever Tsu is thirsty, Incest, one of my many weaknesses!}

-- Tsu