Gah, I showed some mutual friends a few episodes of All Hail King Julien and- I got a ton of great ideas from them, a Clover/Julien/Crimson pic (which the sketch is on my Patreon FYI), one friend helped point out a ton more sexual tension/innuendo moments, and the last thing was a sort of Uncle/Julien thing...

Which I'm terrible for but it hits some of my kinks and I keep thinking about it and now all I want is to write it out or draw something but alkjfdshlflkg! ~///~;

And tonight I was thinking about it and a just- having Uncle King Julien like, you know that episode where he traps everyone on his island and keeps talking about 'breaking' Julien and has him come into his personal hut at night to fan him to sleep?

Okay I'm pretty sure you know where I'm going with this and, gaah, he's got Julien on the ground and grrr forced- non-con stuff happens and one of the first things he says after he takes Julien is 'You look just like your father and feel like your mother.' and askdhjgfd;l I'm terrible! ;A;

I'm terrible but in the end it's just a wet dream since Julien put his Uncle's hand in his drink, I can't hurt Julien, I love him too much. He deserves happy, consensual, loving sex. My precious Julien.

Sigh, I'm horrible, want to write/draw this out.
What do you guys think?

_{putting this here because- well I really have no where else to post my Julien musings.
hope you don't mind.}

-- Tsu

Sort of on the verge of a really bad emotional breakdown- so, reaching out, I guess?

-- Tsu

UPDATE 11/3/2015 --

I want to thank everyone that has donated so far, thank you so much for your kindness and support!

So far about 150.00 has been raised and that’s amazing!
Recently we just had the tree that fell on the house removed and that cost a whopping 500.00!

If we could reach 250.00 I could help cover half of that, if you can please donate that would mean so much to me, any support at all is appreciated! Thank you! I could never say it enough, thank you thank you!

---

I just got home after being trapped at my parents overnight due to flooding.

I lost so much.
There was over two feet of water in the den.

I lost all of my projects, my laptop, and some of my Transformers collection. All of my fabrics, canvases- my clays, everything is destroyed.

None of us were prepared for this kind of fallout from the hurricane. Flood waters everywhere were so high and through the night people were being saved from stranded cars and shelters are at max.

We lost so much more, clothes, photos, photos we had just found too! All destroyed! Throughout the night at my parents I helped my mom bail water out of the house, it was so flooded and cold.

I’m trying not to cry, I lost so much and I wasn’t even here to try and save it.

It’s going to take a lot of time and money to clean and fix the damage, I’ve never seen so much water.

I’m asking, if you can, please help me.
We would need about 500.00 to handle cleaning and roof repair.

Please if you can donate or- just offer some kind of support. I don’t know what else to do, the more I look at the damage the more I see that I lost but I’m thankful that my family and husband made it through this disaster safely.

Thank you.

-- Tsu

Not that I ever really knew what I was doing ever.

As a kid I was pretty sure I was going to kill myself before I even reached sixteen, so being twenty eight is like, woah how did I get here and what do??

I have a cold or something, been sick since yesterday.
Trying to draw, saying yes to every commission and just staring at a blank canvas wishing I could cut my hand off.

Everything is stupid hard.
I wish I had a- something that made me feel less useless and more not that.

Hey hows everyone doing though?
Better than me I hope.

--Tsu

A lot has happened in such a short amount of time.

Although I was accepted to the college I don't qualify for financial aid because back in 2005, when I enrolled the first time, I failed two classes. Because of that I don't have a chance of getting aid unless I can bring my GPA up and pass the classes, problem is I would need to pay out of pocket and there is no way I could afford that.

Not only that but Avon is charging me a debt of 50.00, not a lot I know, but I', not making any income right now as it is and my husband has told me that he can't help me with it.

Last night we lost water pressure completely and the car broke down today, meaning my husband and I were stuck out of town for hours.

It's been terrible and I don't know what to do, it feels so hopeless and I can't possibly see any sort of silver lining. I contemplated asking for donations but- the guilt of doing so would overwhelm me.

The only thing that kept me sane today was the new season of All Hail King Julien, I'm not looking forward to anything. I should have known better.

-- Tsu

I'm terrified and excited!

I haven't been in college for ten years!
The first time I failed so badly and I gave up on ever being able to go back to school, especially since back then all they had was a fine arts major but this time around they have graphic arts and Tsu is good at that already!

I hope I can do this alkjfdgdsah oh my god, going back to school!

-- Tsu

I haven't been around much, been busy with the commissions and my mental health/problems.

I'm trying to be more- out there and- stuff.
It's hard. ;A;

-- Tsu

Hey everyone, Tsu is in a bit of a bind and needs a little help.

I'm offering sketch commissions for only 10$!
Simple sketches, limit two characters and an additional 5$ to add characters.

I really need the help, if you can commission me that would help me out a ton!

My contact email is in the header or if you would like to just straight up donate to me http://tinyurl.com/ng63f8a

It would mean a lot!
Thank you for your consideration and time! <3<3<3

-- Tsu

A heads up for my patrons that my Patreon will be updating on Tuesday!

As requested I'll be posting both SAI. files and PNG. files of images so people who don't have the software to view program files can still see the images! I forgot to do that last month so this month will have more arts posted.

Look forward to sketches, scans, and looks at charms and personal ideas I'm working on!

And if you would like to become a patron here's the link!

http://www.patreon.com/SimplyTsuperb

Thank you to everyone for being so patient with me, I'm still new to this whole Patreon thing and you're all sweethearts! <3

-- Tsu

https://youtu.be/-fP-3OYIhzo

Never question how much I love this fictional lemur.

UPDATE 8/17/2015 --
Went to the Wendy's and managed to get all four remaining kids meal toys!

Even got the last King Julien straw! Woo!

-- Tsu

Just a proper journal being put out there that I am indeed open to accepting commissions!

Just as the bottom header states on the basics of commissions some new info will be added:

Commissions will be limited to two characters, all additional characters will require an added 10.00 per character.

Private commissions will have an extra charge of 20.00.


I need to do this to keep myself from burning out on commissions with more than two characters and when I take on private commissions I lose time and posting since the commission will be for the commissioner alone rather than being posted online.

I really hope everyone can understand and I hope you consider commissioning me! It would mean so much to me and help me out immensely
If you have any concerns or questions please refer to my email below and contact me!

Thank you very much!

-- Tsu

Yes, this Thursday, July-... Ninth?

Yeah, commissions will be officially opened and accepted!
Feel free to take a peek below for baseline pricing and info. :>

Thank you all for your consideration!

-- Tsu

If anyone is interested.

Will announce the day.

I also started making custom phone charms/charms in general.
Anything can be made into a charm and sent to you.

-- Tsu

I'll be returning my mom's laptop soon and, my chest feels so tight at the thought of not being to draw, or keep in contact with my friends.

I won't be able to make any income or even begin to start saving for my own PC.
The goal is 500.00 and so far I have about 5.00 that I need spend now because we need milk.

Usually when I have even the smallest amount in my account I feel confident I can get the rest, but without any way to work on commissions or update my patreon or anything- sigh.

I haven't been sleeping well and my therapist cancelled another of my sessions, it's been over a month since I've seen her. Yesterday I just- wanted to badly to hurt myself, my head hurt, everything hurt and I felt so overwhelmed by everything.

So much I want to say but at the same time don't want to, I want to disappear and stop existing, than I wouldn't need to worry about any of this.

-- Tsu

Going to the scrap yard today, need some extra cash for food.

Husband get’s paid next week, so I just need to make things last a little bit longer. I’m staying positive because good things are coming, John already has a job offer lined up, working at a college. Which, for those who don't know, he went back to school and things are looking great for him graduating soon, he has a perfect GPA right now. 8O

I may only have my mom’s laptop until summer starts, so like, June, but - ya know, good things. Even if it means no access to the next or drawing.
Tsu is gunna manage.

Just going to be stressful and hard for a while, but Tsu will do her best.

-- Tsu

You have no idea how desperate I am for those right now.

So thirsty for them- I might just- might just- write my own!
Maybe, I haven't written in years, I did regularly back when the PoM fandom was at it's peak but I feel like I'm kind of alone with my ship nowadays.

I should also be asleep because tomorrow is my brother in laws wedding and the last two weeks have been nothing but haircuts, fancy clothes shopping, and stress but I was in bed and the thirst for genius penguin fucking his hot as fuck lemur king boyfriend in the vagoo wouldn't leave me alone.

Expect me to be more talkative around here, I will never let this ship end.
(We can never ignore Julien)

-- Tsu

I'm all kinds of messed up right now from- things, so let's talk about stuff.

Like Julien, specifically Julien.
I don't know, I used to be really open about the stuff I would do in the fandom but - ok, whatever, my husband made me feel bad for enjoying what I do with the characters and stuff and this isn't the first time.

I remember the very first time he called me sick and so many other things I desperately tried to block out and, hah, I was so suicidal because I trusted him and he just threw everything in my face, I haven't thought about that in years...

Sigh, I just want to enjoy what I do again.
I want to enjoy drawing and not dread it, I want to share ideas and inspire them.

I was so excited about my ideas until today.
You figure someone who's been with me for so long would know how to talk to me and be supportive instead of making me wish I never opened my stupid mouth and just kept everything to myself.

-- Tsu

I have no idea how to use the telly in the living room to act as a secondary monitor with my laptop.

Mainly because it’s a flat screen and- I’ve no idea where the things are or how to- do the things.

I really do think it’s the small space I have to work with that kills my motivation instantly. I mean, look at it.

[http://simply-tsuperb.tumblr.com/po.....in-the-living]

My laptops resolution was 1600/900 but my mom’s is 1366/768 and- I Hate it. I hate it so much, and maybe I’m just being picky but when it comes to working on anything I need to feel comfortable and have enough space to work with my canvas and settings.

Tsu is the frustratedsss.

-- Tsu

I happened by an Office Max that was going out of business/merging with Office Depot and they had this really nice standard PC there for only 101.95 or something like that and I was so upset because, for one, there is no way I could finish and take enough commissions before the sale is over to get the thing, and two, I hadn't known about it sooner!

Aaaah, fate is a jerk.
Oh well.

Just got back from a day trip out of town and I am dead tired, a whole bunch of other things too but I don't want to get negative or dwell on it.

Now to get some sleep, I'm a sleepy Tsu.

-- Tsu

I want to thank everyone for their comments on my last post.

I read every single one and forgive me for being so terrible when it comes to replying, I normally never know what to say but- thank you, for your advice, help, and concern.

I would have posted this yesterday but as a rule I don't do anything online during April Fools, but -I'm going to try and do better. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy life and create, meet people, I don't want to be defined or controlled by something I never asked for.

Little ten year old Tsu was scared to death of what was happening to her, but twenty eight year old Tsu has gotten stronger and smarter, I deserve to be better and happy.

I'll do my best to be more productive, to talk more, share more.
I'm honored and humbled to have such wonderful followers that I hope can one day become better friends. Thank you so much. <3

-- Tsu

But everyone keeps telling me it'll get better.

So I'm still dealing with a major influx of depression, haven't been sleeping well and to be perfectly honest, every night I'm plagued by thoughts and plans to hurt or kill myself. I had even decided to stick to a plan to end my life after Monday, you know.

My relationship isn't perfect and I feel as though tons of stress and pressure are being piled on me constantly.

Been doing my best to distract my mind but nothing seems to work.
I ended up having three emotional breakdowns on Friday, sort of when I decided to actually plan- stuff.

I have no idea what I'm doing, I talk hoping sharing will help but then I feel guilty for that, I do things at my own pace but then more guilt and pressure. I constantly feel on edge and uncomfortable.

I've been taking my meds on the regular, I'm doing the best I can.
Not sure what else I can do.

Sorry if this is such a downer.

-- Tsu

That I've been having to reassure myself almost constantly that I'm good at things and I have value.

It feels stupid because I haven't been creating anything or being productive and I have no value if I'm not doing anything, ya know?
Let me know if I ever over share too much on here, I try to keep my feelings and personals to myself but maybe that isolation and separation is what makes it worse.

-- Tsu

Add this to the last journal.

I'm sick, been like, two days now.
I feel as though I haven't drawn anything new in years.

I wish the sun was out and I didn't feel like disappearing.

I've been having these really vivid and terrifying thoughts and mental images of me killing myself, been so scared by them I end up crying a lot lately.

I wish I wasn't me or I wish I was better.

-- Tsu

My life has been very stressful lately.

I can't go into details but it's affecting me both mentally and physically, to the point where I literally can't find the strength to even get out of bed or stay awake.

Apart from my normal conditions, (GAD, Major depressive disorder, and panic disorder) things are strained insanely in my relationship and are adding to my medical problems. I haven't been able to attend my therapy sessions regularly and, it's already more than enough for me to handle maintaining my home and keeping up as a house wife.

I did have a suicidal breakdown a week or so ago and have been trying to cope with my mental state. Even as I type this my hands won't stop shaking and I deeply feel I have let everyone down.

I know I had commissions in my queue but if you haven't paid, I'm sorry, right now I don't think I can handle it and even when coming to this decision I'm burdened further by my husband's insistent bothering on financial matters.

I honestly feel, far too often than I should, that my life and future hold no further purpose. It's taking so much of my strength to try, to get up in the morning, to eat, to get dressed.

I also don't want to ask for donations soon but, I might need to swallow my pride and do so either way. I really hope you can all understand and I'm sorry, for my weakness and - I wish I was better. I wish this would all just go away.

Thank you for listening and, hopefully, understanding.

-- Tsu

Just a little reminder that at the end of the month all sketches I've done will be uploaded to my patreon, been hitting a major wall with drawing in general but things have been stressful and I'm hoping I can overcome whatever block I have to get back to working at a good, regular pace.

I want to say thank you to everyone for your patience with me and understanding!

It means the world to me and I'm more than impatient to get past my block and depressive spell to start drawing all the ideas I have. (hugs)

-- Tsu