hey guys, what do you think of my new avatar? was the old one better?

(stream of thought random journal about my ideas)

Sound influences my heavy emotions.

my art... Ill try to explain my art. I see in art what many don't. Purely the color and how those colors make you feel, not the single color but the subtle mix. The blending of a rainbow stream of colors. I can look at a pallet of color and smile. The different way we organize color amuses me, such as the different sets of color swatches on photoshop. The theories of color, the hues values and ideas. Thats what I love.

I try and create art of colors and subjects that enhance this color.
I draw furries because I love and hate people at the same time. humans generally bore me and I am an extremely strongly emotional individual. animals are often associated with a certain emotion, and mixing that with a human creates a strongly emotional reaction.

My emotions are too strong for me to handle. I understand emotions way too well. it hurts. I should be bullied way more at school, but everyone that hates me at school ignores me because iv made it so unexciting and pointless to interact with me, so they just whisper to themselves.

I feel like my mind is split into multiple people because of all the emotions that I have. because of this I am inconsistent and confusing.

All the music I listen too is abstract and based on emotion. Its like an addiction... feeling emotional

I don't believe in Christianity because people say he is a nice guy. but he would let someone be sad. also he would let someone be disconnected from him which would apparently would create eternal sorrow (hell) So god (the Christian one) is the only person I hate. someone infinitely knowledgeable that would allow people to be sad for a infinite amount of time. People aren't evil, just confused and misled a lot of the time. I hate no one and if I was a god, I would do what I can to make people happy, I would make them happy if they didn't believe in me. I would make them happy if they hated me.

My Fa account is now three years old.

Within these three years iv gained less then 100 watchers and less then 2000 pageviews, and iv submitted over 300 pictures and art...

Just a little depressing

iv also gone to 5 furry cons....

So I tried looking up tips and tutorials
on how to color better and tips and tricks
. the problem is that every video
I found was on how to color pictures
that have very defined lines.
All my art is very messy, sketchy and artistic,
this makes it hard to accurately
use the magic wand tool of the
magnet selection tool to fill in areas of color.
so if you have any videos you
think would help me with the way i do my art that would be nice

also if you have any lineart that you want colored
id be willing to color it ^-^ as a collaboration thing
(lineart by: blank. color by: Turic.)
id like to try an color the defined line kind of art

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2190863/

because it looks fun?

its a character creation for someones game

"My little pony: Friendship is magic" IS THE BEST SHOW EVER!
Omg!
at first i was like "what the hay?"
but I'v gotten addicted to it like cocaine!
Everyone is doing that! Its like something society has always taught you not to do because it may cause damage.
like drugs.
"ok I think ill try it just once, i wont get addicted im too strong and "manly" to get addicted to this"

5 episodes later

"OMG help! Im crying tears of spazzy ponyness! why didnt I listen to my momah! wai!!"

this stuff is the shizz...

look i made a new avatar! isnt it purdy?

(This is a very odd journal entry an would be embarrassing if i had much of a sense of embarrassment)

Anyways, I was trying to look up the effects of what happens if you lose one of your testicles because lately iv been feeling all mixed up in emotions and stuff.... so i was wondering what losing one actually does to your emotions? I guess it just messes with your testerone levels, but i read something and maybe it will just even out again. as i think I was feeling more feminine at first and now im feeling overly maninine.....

o ya for those who didn't pick up on it i had a surgery that ended up with me losing a testicle (this was not on purpose, i would still rather have both...)

anyways while looking things up i found this on the internet...
""So if I feel aroused at the idea of castration, does this mean that castration would be wrong for me?""

in my opinion... yes... *facepaw* It was a serious question which makes it funnier.

I just got back from FWA. IT was really fun ^-^, It was also my first con to wear a fursuit (a partial but still...) it was also my first con that i wore a skirt at... hehehe.
Anyway I think visiting FWA relighted a certain light in me because I spend every day at school as an outcast and it brings me down a lot.
But visiting Fwa, most everyone there understood me and I feel a little less like a freak now Xp
heh, I love you furries ^-^

so ya, ima start drawing more art an stuff

I didn't actually have kidney stones....

I had testicular torsion

and well....

It went pretty badly,
But I'm back home now from surgery o.o I survived.
yep.
sleepy fluid is weird, makes you go sleep when they put it in you.

I might have them.
I am in the most terrible pain I have ever been in. except maybe when I had a major tooth infection and this at least matches it.

I just wanted to say hi and get some virtual hugs, because I hurt and its hard to write this.

*cry*

I like cant Upload art because mah scanner be all up in the broken
ish very sad...

Starting this year, me and my mate got in the only big fight we have ever been in.
I feel so trapped

I got the 4,999,998th submission to Fa, yet Im barely more popular in the furry fandom, curses! foiled again!

my friend is in a bit of a crisis,
Read her journal and possibly commission her or something?

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1934075/

You can also commission me if you want. and Ill give the money to her.

I don't really know much about pricing though so just name your price and say what you want.
i'm not too expensive, but don't just try and take advantage of me/this.

random journal because i think everyone is taking my last journal the wrong way.

anyways, my semester finals are next week, and I be all up in the stressed

I think I have a good art class at school.
Teacher is good at teaching. Our school can't afford too much art supplies, but its enough.

The thing about it is that its changed me. I really focus on different things in art and I also focus on things such as elements and principles of design and criteria.
Not many people on Fa seem to understand what the word criteria means.

and it annoys me....

Ima gonna join a contest!

random watcher:"But Turic you said you were gonna take a break from that kinda stuff after what happened last time!"

Screw the rules I have meds for that! I can join whatever contest I want! isnt that right Archir?

O ya the contest is run by Archir.
for some reason i needed to post a journal about it....
so here is a link and a picta of archir
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1823010/


this is going to be a hard feet to pull off in three days... feet pulling is a hard task.
(yes I know its feat but whatever, just another excuse to talk to my self)

GAH! its like iv heard it all. I cant find music that interests me very much anymore. I like music that is different and makes you think and is artistic
but it just feels like iv heard it all. Cant think of anything I just really wanna listen to....

anyways... bi-polor disorder sucks... and so does tons of homework on thanksgiving break that I procrastinated till Friday....

I feel sick...

well... I guess all I can do is keep trying right?

I'm severely depressed.
I barely have any friends. Every time I try to be good friends with someone. Even online, I start being annoying on accident and no one really wants to get to know me.
I'm just a random page on FA
Iv been trying everything I know how to do to get popular on FA and in the furry fandom. Nothing works though.
People fade me out over time.
My artwork isn't anything special to anyone
Art is what I do. I do it practically every day. I post about 1/25th of what i sketch on to FA.
But im bad at it. No one likes it too much. I dont know why. I try and make it cute. I try and make it interesting. But people find it bland

After so long of trying as hard as I can at being popular. and working at art every day.
I just feel like quitting. No more art. No more FA.
But where does that leave me? I feel so lost and scared. I dont know were to go
I don't know what to do. I feel so alone.

My mate truelly loves. maybe ill just hide away with him. were no one will ever know us... I can only see him once a week though.
the rest of the week I feel scared and worthless.
I can't do the one thing i love... art. so what do I do. what job do i get? fast food....?

So I have lost three contests in a row now, within the past two weeks.
It's kinda discouraging I guess.
In total on these three contests, two of which where directly visual art related.
I have spent 20+ hours.
Its just kinda sad because I feel In pretty much the same place I was when I started. Very unpopular, and still feeling pretty lame. seeing as Iv never won a real art contest, and no one has seriously commissioned me. Unless it was free.
I feel like there is just something about my art that just disgusts people.

Which seeing as Visual art is my main path in life as of the moment. makes me rather depressed.

gah... ive been on FA for over two and a half years and have 76 watchers.
most of which are watching thousands of other people.

Feeling a bit discouraged.... yes... don't even want to pick up a pencil as of the moment.

The scary thing is that I am smarter then who I am

if you have line art then I want (probably) to color it, so gives it to me kay?^-^