I'm trying a new tack for my art and progression on backlogged obligations. I'm treating it as a Job now and assigning myself hours of operation. For now, I'm planning to be online and working for four hours a day Friday through Monday before my pizza shift, and I'll be announcing the streams through Twitter if you'd like to drop by.

Going on my hours listed, I'll be regularly streaming 12-4pm PST Friday, Sunday, and Monday, and from 11-3 on Saturdays. I was able to knock out two MotM cards today with little to no Instant Gratification Monkey interference, so I'm hopeful this will become a habit and form a long-term solution. Let's find out!

picarto.tv/tyrnn

I've been struggling for over a year to come to terms with my intense procrastination, and I've been feeling like a complete failure for years for not having a career since the 2000s came and went.

I struggle and beat myself up daily about my lack of progress on Patreon art, Boomer Express, Solitaire, Game Development, everything. I want to create. I want to progress. I want to be a rational human being and make the world a better place...

I have probably tried explaining it before, but today I at least found a TED talk on Procrastination that accurately describes what it's been like in my head for as long as I can remember.

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban.....procrastinator

This is my problem. This is what I am dealing with on a daily basis. I need to figure out a way to inject more Panic Monster into my life, or at best figure out how to eject the Monkey altogether. I don't know if it's possible, but... I am hopeful for solutions or advice or any sort of method I could try to get my life back on track again.

This will be fun, since I'll be able to run around as Tyrnn this year...

Also, a friend of a friend could not make it and is looking to sell their 2 Blizzcon tickets at face value. $204 each. If you're interested, let me know!

DISCLAIMER: I have just received the video through other means as Dennis/Voco has blocked me from viewing DNA's FA site. I had >zero< idea that he had posted it until just now when I found it.

TL;DR: Lies. Slanderous lies. DNA is gone because he wanted to go, but his future is now corrupted by Dennis/Voco. Please do NOT pursue either of them.

Dennis Lied to DNA about me. TRUMP caliber lies.

The letter contains manipulated facts and half-truths that are >littered< with the corruptive influence of a sociopath. It's completely obvious that DNA did not hear my side of the story when Dennis twisted and stabbed those words into DNA's head.

I did not ditch Dennis in a crowd at Anthrocon. My fault is the fact that I did not understand the depth and breadth of Dennis' anxiety and did not understand he would panic. We were headed downstairs. I went downstairs, and he didn't make it with me. This happens so frequently at conventions that I didn't think anything of it. He didn't show up downstairs so I went looking for him, but couldn't find him. I am sorry that he got separated from me, but using the term 'ditched' implies too much malicious intent for me to ignore. I do not remember telling anyone "He did it for attention". I do not think I would be so callous to 'call out' the anxiety as I have some deep anxiety issues myself that I struggle with to this day. I may have said something as an icebreaker that he misinterpreted as an attack. This Dennis does >frequently< as he has no concept of Empathy that I could discern.

"They argued, and he sucker punched Denny"
How about HE BROKE DOWN A FUCKING DOOR TRYING TO "HUG" ME? Long story, I offered to log onto his WoW account and farm for a certain pattern while he was busy at his current job. He wanted my password to my WoW account as well. I was not OK with this. He got angry enough and whined and cajoled and wheedled and badgered me for days on this until I relented and gave him my password. He then began to >threaten< me with deletion of my character. He >threatened< to burn our apartment down! We tried to talk it out, but I got exceptionally uncomfortable at some point. I wanted to just go to bed, but he wouldn't leave me alone. He said he just wanted a hug but he would not accept my answer and battered down two doors trying to "hug" me back to "sense". I had to beat him off of me with a door and wrestle my way to freedom outside, where I had to hide from him as he continued to yell about deleting my characters. I managed to evade him and escape outside and called the police. I changed all my passwords. Dennis spent the night in jail.

This happened before this particular "sucker-punch" incident and I went to jail for a day due to Washington's laws on Domestic Violence. I think it was about a month later that he got upset that I wouldn't redraw a picture of him and began to pester me about it. He pestered me until I got tired of it and wanted to go to bed. He continued to pester me into my room and would NOT LET ME CLOSE THE DOOR. I told him I needed space and No Means No. He repeatedly tried to grab me and held the door open with one arm, wanting to "hug" me even after I said I needed my space and wanted to go to bed. He tried to BREAK INTO MY ROOM and I PANICKED, I broke my goddamn hand on his face and it never healed properly. I carry that memento every single day with the hand that I draw with. That was no "sucker punch", that was a cornered rat with a cat clawing his way in.

No, I shouldn't have punched him. I don't think he would have really hurt me. Tell that to the adrenaline rush of someone battering down your door though at 2 in the morning.

I loathe spreading rumors. I spread FACTS. We're seeing this sort of belief that facts are 'rumors' in today's politics. I purposely refrained from spreading ALL of this information specifically because I did not want any sort of drama or problem. Now that Dennis' lies have claimed DNA? I painfully have to make them open here on the glimmer of a hope that DNA might come and see this message somehow, someday, and hopefully, once he's figured out just who and what Dennis truly is.

I am sorry that Dennis' actions led him into a spiral of hate and abuse and mistrust. That's what sociopathic manipulators get though. I lived with him for what, five years before I figured this out? He played me like a fiddle for so long, and still owes me >at least< $1500 in back rent and things I had to purchase for him. Things like the mattress that he somehow managed to destroy within a week of getting himself kicked out of our apartment complex.

We didn't throw him out. He threw himself out by being someone no one could stand to live with. Something in his brain is severely wrong, and I can't quite say what it is. Dennis is mentally intellectual but emotionally dead. Sociopathic to the core, and I had a difficult time just coaxing out his love for music, his passion for photography... anything to show him that life was worth living and to keep him away from suicidal thoughts.

Yes, there might be something buried deep in that black heart. I wish DNA the absolute best in getting that out there and turning Dennis into a human being. I failed, and it nearly killed me trying.

I did not "lay a foundation" of badness for Dennis. He did that >ALL< on his own. To see that DNA, one of my >CLOSEST FRIENDS< believes otherwise is a cold, cold icicle in my heart that will likely never melt.

I've lost friends before. Close friends from Fallon, from Las Vegas, from North Carolina, from Utah... if DNA has plans for his future, that's fine. He told me some >wonderful< stories about what he had ideas for and beautiful stories to tell.

Too fucking bad we're never going to see them now that Dennis has effectively eviscerated him cleanly away from his friends and family here. Now Dennis has what he tried and failed to get from me. He tried to seed my friend's words with lies and hate and manipulated truths. I pretended to see them so he would continue to see me as a "dumb friend" that he could openly mock and deride and berate at the first sign of noncompliance. Someone to control and exclude the rest of the world from. Now he has someone important all to himself. Just Like He Wanted.

This will be the FIRST RUMOR I've ever had to state intentionally, but Dennis' sociopathic Trump-ness is now out for all to see. I firmly believe that Dennis has brainwashed DNA with these lies and half-truths that he put into this video. DNA >doesn't understand he's being manipulated< and now there is absolutely no way to reach out and warn him, help him, or stay him from the path he's now chosen.

He's made his choice. He's sided with the Devil. I will not cry vengeance, nor shall I mount a slanderous campaign to save him from the sociopath he's chosen to deal with. This post is all of my venom and I share a bit of blame for not warning him sooner. I should have told him about everything explicitly as I am now telling you.

I ask that you all also try to contain this shitstorm of drama within yourselves and let him go. DNA will have to learn his lesson by fire or by steel now. Please do not try to "rescue" him as I do firmly believe there is a kernel of truth in the video that he did originally want to make a clean break. It just breaks my heart that Dennis has corrupted DNA's future so thoroughly in the process.

DNA. Did you ever receive my emails, or did Dennis delete them before you saw them? Did you receive my letters, or did Dennis throw them away before you got them? You are my friend and I will come to your aid. ONLY IF YOU TELL ME TO. I cannot hold much if any enmity or bitterness in my heart. I never learned how until Dennis taught me. You are a free person and you are in control of your own destiny. Plus you can punch him in the face a >lot< better than I ever could if you ever needed to. You have my blessing to go on and try to help him where I could not. Please be careful. I'll be waiting on the other side of hell.

Goodbye, and thanks for Hank Hill, Niagara Falls, and all of the memories. Everything.

I've been struggling hard to care enough about art to work on the massive backlog of Patreon rewards and other art that people would like of me, but in today's stifling political climate of hate, fear, and negativity I'm having a vicious time trying to find anywhere comfortable and relaxing enough to unwind or focus.

I'm going to try a trip, though. I'll be trying to cut out toxic Twitter and politics at least for a little while so I can maybe get some fresh air. I'm tired of waking up exhausted and going to bed tired. I am sick of being only able to draw for myself instead of for the people who have paid me and are waiting oh so patiently for their art. I grew up a procrastinator and life has aligned to make that a massive fault of mine and I am chained down by depression trying to get rid of these flaws.

I'm hopefully going to take the Eclipse as a cleansing/closing point for me and try to refresh myself to the future with more streaming, more fun, and less infernal worry over how the Republicans are planning to murder the future for their own greedy old white pockets.

So... I am here. I will respond to and likely post things on Twitter in terms of art... but probably need to just stop worrying so heavily over things I cannot change.

God help us all.

I'm now home from BLFC and I must say I feel exceptionally refreshed and aware of how to proceed. I will be warming up with some overdue Patreon work tomorrow, and working to get some other RL things ironed out like rent and assorted things for June. I should be good though.

I'll write up a full Convention Report tomorrow as well, but right now priority is Patreon Art, Secret Project, Paid Commissions, Boomer Express, and then Unpaid Commissions.

Thank you all for believing in me at least a little bit at some point. It's really helped me achieve a new passion for art and comics.

Let's rock.

(This is not a birthday post. I don't say anything about my birthday on 6/19... I feel like my Self Confidence levelled up.)

Ok! I'm going to be opening up at least six slots for Rampage Badges much like the ones I've been doing for folks! This is the perfect opportunity for Biggest Little Fur Con as their theme is Kaiju this year, so I'd like to get as many done and ready for the convention as possible!

If you're interested, I will make them for $40 pickup at the convention, or $45 to be shipped to your door. I'd like to put priority on folks who can pick up (Anthrocon works too!) so please place a comment with your character reference and any ideas for a scene you would like to see in Rampage, and I'll randomly see if I can work my way through them all. Priority is also given to people who send payment as well, so please remit to paypal.me/tyrnn and reserve your slot with your name and the info above. Thank you!

Hello! I am learning the New Tricks of the Discord and the Telegrams.

If you would like an announcement when I am streaming (http://picarto.tv/tyrnn), you now have three options!

Twitter:
http://twitter.com/tyrnn

Telegram:
https://t.me/joinchat/AAAAAEIJXfM2siiJzg-DmQ

Discord:
https://discord.gg/AYtq5c7

I'll make announcements on the first two and might even be around to chat occasionally on the third!

I sometimes do raffles for sketches and warmup drawings, and tips are always appreciated. Thank you!

Step 1: Go to bed you silly nocturnal person it's 4:30am!
Step 2: Sleep until 11am.
Step 3: Get out of bed by 12.
Step 4: Chew on leftover pizza. Papa John's didn't make it very well this time.
Step 5: Boomer Express for Monday.
Step 6: Rampage Badges for AC commissioners and BLFC.

If I get to step 7, I should be able to start making Rampage Badges for $40 for people to pick up at BLFC. I want to do as many as I can for folks attending, so keep an eye out for announcements as I try to keep myself on task.

Hello! I've reached the point in my ancient 2016 commission list where a fellow by the name of "Blitzkreig" commissioned me way back at Anthrocon...

The trouble is I've forgotten where I put the receipt and I don't remember exactly what they paid for, nor do I have any method of contacting them.

I'm going to reach out to Anthrocon for assistance in tracking them down, but if you know or are Blitzkrieg, please get in touch with me so I can complete this sorely overdue commission. Thank you!

Update: He has been found, thank you all!

Hmm. I'm trying to break my addiction to World of Warcraft and try to force myself onto a schedule where I can be happy and productive with art. I've been floudering even down in California with nothing in my way save my own failure to focus and enjoy drawing for work.

I was wondering if anyone would like to set an art schedule along side mine and we draw together as a group through Picarto, Tigerdile, or perhaps even Twitch. I'd like to see if building up a 'schedule' for work and for play this way could potentially bend my habits away from excessive gaming and laziness and back towards what I would like to do in life. Please let me know if you'd like to draw/stream alongside and possibly chat over Skype or Discord and whatnot. My schedule is currently clear enough...

I'm gonna see what setting up a Discord channel does and tinker around with that. If you'd like to stream with me sometime, feel free to drop in and say hello.

https://discord.gg/AYtq5c7

Aerys - Rampage badge
Kurrikage - Sandcastles idea w/Tyrnn smashing in background.
Thorn - Drawbridge Operator
Appledectomy - Tripping over North America
Tegon - The Morning After stretch.
Sylen - Combo w/Dialuca, scythe and backflip pose. [Sketch phase]
Dr. Omega - Ink/shaded piece
Makaze - Ink/shaded piece
Neopuc - Mira, stadium on a clawtip
Kalista - Colored Kitila, 2 Rampage badges
LLL - Digital Painting, Rampage badge
Blitzkreig - Suddenly Giant
Orenthes - Rampage Badge (unpaid)

I'm getting my 3 months of Patreon Rewards in order now too, and have sent out messages to folks to ask them what they'd like to see for their drawings. I'm almost done with the ACLU art and will be doing my best to chew through my obligations as I can. It's still an uphill battle to force myself to draw, but I'm getting better at it slowly but surely. Thank you all for being there for me!

I love my family. They've been there for me since I was literally a baby and everything seems to have worked itself out. We've had a few hiccups and a bit of a divorce back in the early nineties, but... well... We have endured. I had the most wonderful Christmas with my Aunt Peggy and Uncle Dan in Texas. Dan's recently retired from the Air Force as a Lt. Colonel, and their home is amazing. Their kids, my cousins Chris and Beth, both have spouses now and Beth has two children Clare and Joseph. I was simply amazed at how much Joseph has grown since I first met him as a baby, and he really seems to love me as family. Clare is still kind of a selfish little three year old, but judging from how nice and polite Joseph was, she'll grow up to be just as wonderful in the coming years.

It's always odd when you find yourself going through the same story, but in a different role. I remember a dozen Christmases where I was a bright eyed child surrounded by parents, Aunts, Uncles, Grandmothers and Grandfathers, gleefully running around the house with cousins and a plethora of new toys. Now, I'm on the second stage of the holidays. I'm the Uncle now, with two wonderful children running around pretending to be trains or refusing to eat their macaroni and cheese. My cousins that I used to play with and sell lemonade on the street with are now family men and women. Beth and Jim have two children, and I wouldn't be surprised if Chris and Terry had a child in the next year or so.

My Aunt Peggy has taken over the role of family Matriarch very well. She's performing the role of Grandmother just like my grandmother did twenty years ago, and I feel a warm sense of wholeness and satisfaction that I truly needed in this sour year. Uncle Dan has always had his own sense of humor, and we're finally clicking better together as we helped Santa put together the art station and bake shop for Joseph and Clare last night. It's truly magical to not only see and feel the transition that the years have made our family, but to live it and experience it as well. I am hopeful for the next stage, where I might be at the Grandfather level, with my cousins as well hosting wonderful Christmas parties and gatherings for Joseph, Clare, their spouses, and their own children waiting to be brought into this crazy world we call Life.

I can only wish that I could provide this wholesome, warm kitchen of an experience I've gone through over the past week with my family to you all. I know a lot of people don't get or cannot get this feeling in their own life... but I still want to at least share it with you as best I can. So please, enjoy what warmth I can convey through writing, through art, and through the upcoming years in California. My cousins may have found their partners in life, but I still believe my partner will be Animation and Art. We've got a hard road ahead, but with my family's full support.

Merry Christmas, everyone. And a Happy New Beginning.

My window is rapidly closing for a clean move down to the Los Angeles area. I'm getting rather desperate to find someone who will be able to take over my lease in Mukilteo, WA by the end of the year. If you know anyone who could possibly move into the Seattle area and would be willing to work with $500/mo + $80 or so Utilities, please send them my way ASAP. I need to know if I will be able to move out fast if I want this career leap to go off flawlessly.

Patreon rewards are also sorely overdue, 6 months' worth.
(Patreon is currently shut down while I process this overwhelming backlog. I was completely unable to meet the demand or keep up with my responsibilities therein.)

https://trello.com/b/5rXPjFjF/patreon-rewards

Patreon.com/tyrnn

Hmm. Our lease is expiring this December 31st, and I do not wish to sign on for another year if I can manage to move down to California to pursue an Animation career...

..one problem though is that I would be leaving my two existing roommates in the lurch. The ideal arrangement though is finding someone to take over my spot in this 3 bedroom house and live with my two furry roommates. If you would be interested in Mukilteo, WA, please send me a note and we can discuss the arrangements.

The other options are rather unwanted, mostly due to the likelihood of having to re-sign the year long lease. If you or anyone you know is wanting to move to Washington, please let me know. I really don't want to get stuck for another length of time nor do I want to abandon my roommates to scramble for a place to live.

Aerys - Rampage badge
Kurrikage - Sandcastles idea w/Tyrnn smashing in background.
Thorn - Drawbridge Operator
Appledectomy - Tripping over North America
Tegon - The Morning After stretch.
Sylen - Combo w/Dialuca, scythe and backflip pose.
Dr. Omega - Ink/shaded piece
Makaze - Ink/shaded piece
Neopuc - Mira, stadium on a clawtip
Kalista - Colored Kitila, 2 Rampage badges
LLL - Digital Painting, Rampage badge
Blitzkreig - Suddenly Giant
Orenthes - Rampage Badge (unpaid)

Just wanted to let folks know I'm still trying to make the time to work on commissions. I'm going to need to cut some of my other projects, but I won't cut anything that has already been paid for. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with life right now, and I'm having a very difficult time caring about anything. I work four days a week part time as a pizza delivery driver, and I'm reluctant to give up the human interaction it provides, as well as the extra income, but I also just can't give a dang about doing this work or any other projects I've wanted to do. I've lost my ability to focus and concentrate, and will be trying to whittle World of Warcraft down as much as I can to try and reclaim some of my drive. I also need to remember why I started animating, and what I can do besides just animate giant monster destruction porns and the like. I always feel better once I start sketching, but choosing a subject to sketch out of thin air has always been a challenge. Tonight I was able to draw Rheia a few times, so perhaps more exploration would help just as warmups.

It's past 5am though and I need sleep. I'm tired of being alone.

Okay. I've had the first Saturday in such a very long time that I didn't have to get up at a stupid hour, and tomorrow will be the first Sunday that I won't have to get up at 4am in a very long time (Except for Anthrocon of course)... so, here's the current list I have for people that purchased commissions at Anthrocon.

Aerys - Rampage badge
Kurrikage - Sandcastles idea w/Tyrnn smashing in background.
Thorn - Drawbridge Operator
Appledectomy - Tripping over North America
Tegon - The Morning After stretch.
Sylen - Combo w/Dialuca, scythe and backflip pose.
Dr. Omega - Ink/shaded piece
Makaze - Ink/shaded piece
Neopuc - Mira, stadium on a clawtip
Kalista - Colored Kitila, 2 Rampage badges
LLL - Digital Painting, Rampage badge
Blitzkreig - Suddenly Giant
Orenthes - Rampage Badge (unpaid)

The only reason I'm moving Aerys to the top is because he actually requested one of those badges during the original set, and I got distracted by work and life. I'll be working on these in the order I received them and will open up for more once these have been completed.

In addition, I have some other projects that will be getting occasional attention to break up the feeling of "work". I've been paid $200 in advance to begin working on an animation/game that should help me learn how to use Unity better and perhaps make a simple rampage simulator. I'll call it Project Articuno for short for now. There's also Boomer Express which will be getting much more love and attention as it wraps up its second story arc. I would like to learn how to model and rig growth characters from Acheroth, and will be spending some time studying with him how it's done. I want to redesign the main page to make it more attractive and reflect my views. I want to redesign my portfolio website, www.TheEmeraldDragon.net, to be more consistently updated and improved. I may also dabble in more Rhythm Heaven parodies, or maybe even make a new one, perhaps even with actual gameplay if I can conquer Unity strongly enough. I would also like to do Quick Stream sessions where I rough out small sketches for tips to break up the pace a little. I am interested in getting a Cafepress/online shop going where I could sell T-shirts, etc. with my designs on them, and want to create some graphics and art that would be suitable to sell that way. I've been talking with Yellow07 for quite some time about doing a short graphic novel similar to what DNA has been making, and I'm definitely wanting to follow up with those plans now that I'm focusing on art.

My long term goals are to become either a game animator or cinematic animator in the Los Angeles region, perhaps working for Blizzard or working for Disney again. Everything I want to work on shall have some push towards these goals, but I'm going to try to be flexible and get as much commission work and play done.

I'm gonna sleep in a little, but I'll likely get started on at least a Rampage badge for Aerys tomorrow via stream. I know there's probably some more things that I'm forgetting about, so I'm just writing down everything I can remember. If you can remember something else I might have talked about doing, please remind me in the comments! Thank you!

So I've finally ended my day job with ATG Stores, and I am honestly sad to see such a wonderful and easy job go. It wasn't very fulfilling though, and I honestly could be doing much more and much better now that my college tuition is gone and I now have a bit of a buffer saved up... so it's time. It's finally time to make the leap from amateur to professional, and I will be officially opening up for business as an artist for commissions and projects!

Now, I've already taken a heap of homework from Anthrocon. I was absolutely amazed that people were willing to throw $500 my way to get in line for commission work, and I've already had at least one person put down $200 towards a project to help me learn Unity and create some interactive walky/smashy games, so I'm really excited to be Opening my shop as it were and beginning to build up a portfolio towards an animating career.

I'll be posting my current queue tomorrow once I've slept off the delightful buzz this bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey has given me tonight, and I'll write down all my detailed plans for my own benefit and for you all as well. Stay tuned!

Hello,

I'm about to make a rather large Leap of Faith in life, and I'm drawing up some plans to get things moving in the right directions. If everything goes well, I will be moving out of Washington within the upcoming month and will be starting a new chapter in life in California in the Art and Animation business.

Plans are thus: I will continue to work at ATGStores.com until July 8th. This includes burning all my paid vacation days to attend Anthrocon, thus saving up a few thousand dollars as a buffer for the move. I've spoken with a few folks down in the SoCal area, and will likely be driving down to visit my Dad in Sacramento a few days mid-July, then drive down to visit with friends in LA and scout out potential home options that way.

The biggest roadblock to my plans right now is my current lease. I'm living with Axelroo and Wontoon in a three bedroom 80's built house in Mukilteo, WA. We kinda had to make a swift move due to excessive noise from our upstairs neighbors at our old apartment and Axel usually sleeps during the day for his night job. Small children failing to juggle bowling balls over his bedroom led to a very poor life situation, so we moved into our current house. It's twice as big as our old apartment and for $1400/mo, it's extremely spacious. I am looking for someone to take over the rest of the year long lease, though. I cannot move out without breaking the lease and I do not want to leave my roommates of ten years' time without the ability to afford living there.

If you or anyone you know is looking to live in the Northern Seattle area, Mukilteo is pretty quiet and green. I'd like to find someone to take over the lease for me within a month to move down to California as soon as possible now to pursue my dreams and life goals in earnest, so please get in touch with me so we can meet up and see if you'd be a good match for Axel and Wontoon. Expect to pay about $550/mo in rent and utilities, and you probably should have a car to get around. There are buses but it's very far from most major locations.

Thanks!

Doing some more Boomer Express Flash Special today. Come say hi!

http://twitch.tv/tyrnneaveranth

Big Things are about to go down...

http://twitch.tv/TyrnnEaveranth

A new year, and a new chance to start over in a new house without annoying children causing roommate consternation... time to move on and live in a house again... Let's get this back on track and focus.

What if I made a macro furry Patreon?

I'm at a critical juncture in life and need to know if my art would potentially be enough to support me. No one is hiring me right now and I'm struggling to find any job outside of customer service or pizza delivery. If I were to try and draw Boomer Express, Comics, and macro art as a full time job, would it be able to provide $2000 per month? What would you like from me as a Patron? What would you be willing to pay for it? I'm open to ideas.

I really appreciate all the ideas and comments. It's really helpful!

Things Fall Apart.

I'm hoping to salvage a friendship tonight with a friend of nine years, but if things don't work out, I'm considering some options for a sudden and swift changeup in my life. I'm considering making the leap down to the Los Angeles area to pursue a gaming dev career or at least a decent Boomer Express/Comics type career making art for a living. Would anyone be willing to help me get some estimates on where to find a decent 2 Bdr. apartment within commuting distance from potential job opportunities?

Currently too many variables are suddenly spinning across the table, and I won't know how to play the game until the dice land. It's scary and frustrating and hurts, but I am adaptable and willing to make some changes in my life if necessary.