The current avatar I'm using is still one of my most favorite renditions of Cobalt. Maybe because it was done by an artist I actually got to meet n' spend some time with. Aside from out mutual like of the fandom n' the hopes it gets a better perception at some point, we're pretty much as different as night n' day. Still though  crashheart I like ya n' greatly respect ya. Be keeping this as my avatar for rest of week to let ya know that, though I'm taking a step back, I still care for ya n' what goes on in yer life. I'll always consider you a friend. I wish things weren't so complicated for you right now. I pray for some simplicity every night. For you, for me, for all I care bout. I'm so sorry

Been a real rough week. Having what seems to be another bad case of post con depression. The kicker being that I didn't even make it to this year's AC:P Maybe why it seems so much worse. Really a combination of things but the good thing is that this is 4th of July weekend n' I'll be enjoying it with friends at the lake. Timing of this couldn't be more perfect! Looking forward to doing some good ole fishing. That's something I haven't got around to in ages. Hope all y'all have a real blast this holiday weekend. I sure will. The unfortunate thing though is that fireworks shows are being cancelled left n' right down here because of the latest drought>_< Well fireworks or not, I'll make the best of it. Take care:3

Felt led to share this link to a good friend's journal. He's such a sweet guy who's going through some real tough times. His whole world just seems to be shattering around him yet he trudges on with a strength that I greatly admire n' on some occasions wish I had myself. He's working so hard to pick up the pieces n' move forward but he would like some additional income tied to his artistic side. Ya know I've been real bummed about not being able to afford going to AC this year. Seems so trivial though when compared with the daily financial struggles of my friend n' others like him. That is all. Oh yeah...the point of all this...the link:P http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2460112/

N' it sucks big time. Oh sure I still got my internet through phone but only so much I can do with it. Biggest thing I'm missing is the occasional online gaming with buds. Oh well...these things happen.

Got certified this past Thursday. I'm so happy I went through with it. Shouldn't be too tough now to get summertime employment somewhere n' hopefully part time work with flexible schedule while in Grad. School.

Well here's hoping at the least. Began my training for lifeguard certification today. Not only is this a good skill to have but it'll be great supplemental employment while in Grad. School. Ya know, when I'm not pulling my hair out n' all from the stress:P Think I'd make a pretty damn sexy lifeguard meself;P

Been a real trying week. With my brother having to go back on meds for chronic anxiety issues. The massive tornado outbreak that stuck way too close to home. Now my dad is having some kind of troubles that could range from hypoglycemia to TIA or mini-strokes. Stress has beset me on all sides it seems. My worries of what my own future may bring coupled with my deep concerns for friends n' family dear to me, I just...I wanna find the darkest cave in the deepest part of the ocean n' just hide away. Feel so helpless n' useless. So badly I want to draw again but my motivation to get started on a couple of pieces is completely zapped. Hopefully next week will be the bright sunshine after the wretched storms that has been this whole past week. Already have something good to look forward to on Tues. Be meeting with the best boss I ever worked for along with other good colleagues from the campus about an upcoming project they want me to consult on n' work with them directly with as it's something I was heavily involved in with my earlier employment on the campus. This will offer much-needed income albeit real short term. Still it should help put money aside for when I go off to Grad. School in the fall. I realize most folks won't give this a single glance n' really could care less what's going on with me n' ya know, that's cool with me. After all I know I ain't the only one with what seems like 10 tons of stress. Fact there are a few folks going through a helluva lot worse such as all those though out the Southeast that not only have to pick up the pieces of their homes but also pick up pieces of their shattered lives as loved ones were lost to the storms. I never would've given much thought to near on 400 people perishing in a short span till I saw the destruction for myself first hand. No folks, I have no problems at all compared to others. Remember that the next time a day, week, month, etc. is going bad for ya. It could always be way worse. Thank God I still have my family n' friends n' I still have a home. I am truly blessed.

Didn't think it'd take me so long to get over last week's trip. It's not so much readjusting to GA. Once back it was cram session after cram session for big choral performance this morning. That drained me more than anything. Also I've just been terribly unmotivated. As much as I hate to admit that, I just don't have the motivation to do much anything right now, let alone draw. It worries me a bit as I fear I may be spiraling into another post-trip depression. Also been real fearful of letting folks down of late. Feel as though I failed a couple of good friends by my inaction. I had an opportunity to reach out but did not. I was so damned afraid. I didn't want to ruffle feathers. I just wanted to make up for the ass I've been to this guy last year n' I think I accomplished that but to what cost. Should've said more. What the hell good is saying yer gonna be there for someone yet once you are, you can't even open yer mouth. Perhaps it's better I didn't. Perhaps I wasn't meant to do nothing but just to be present. Just to be a reassurance. I just...I'm just tired. So tired right now. Sorry for the rant. I'm just afraid of bottling it all up as it could lead to a repeat of the second half of last year. Hopefully in the course of this week, I'll hear back from one of the many places I've applied to graduate school, hopefully UAB. Then I might be able to get back to some semblance of normalcy. If I truly ever was meant to be normal.

*crawls to computer desk n' drags myself up to keyboard* That saying that one needs a vacation to recover from the vacation is a pretty accurate statement of how I'm feeling:P Loved the trip so much but body n' mind didn't like the time nor elevation changes. After somewhat getting configured to Oregon time n' elevation, time came to come back home to GA. Configured elevation change rather quickly. In fact, the influx of oxygen gave me so much energy I did yardwork today. Time configuration well...internal clock still seems way off. I know one way I might snap it back to it's default settings. Shock it with cool, pool water. I'm gonna make my way back to the pool tomorrow or die trying. Need to get back to it. Missed it while on this short weekend trip. Besides, I gotta show my buds there that I did go through with their silly dare. Well that's all for now on this end. I'll probably be sharing the best of my photos on my Facebook page at some point. Gonna post some of the animal-related ones here on my FA scraps page. Take care y'all. Later:3

Drove from  crashheart n'  Rengare pad down to Corvallis in one of the most spectacular drives I've ever undertaking. Such beautiful countryside Oregon has^^ Wonderful lunch with  blaiddwolfe n' his friend while there n' met with a few colleagues in my field of study. Got to know n' help a young couped experiencing car troubles. They were headed back to the coast whilst I was headed back into Bend. Worked out great as I ended up arriving at Sisters Viewpoint right at sunset. Many photos will be posted on my FB page. Concluded with supper at Red Robins n' some sake back at the wuff n' otter pad. Now my lids are heavy n' I'm ready for sleep. G'night all¦3

Last night had one of my SVT spells where my heart went to racing abnormally fast n' hard. Left me with a lot of dread. No, not for the attack itself but what it's come to signify. You see I've noticed that every time I have one of these things, it means a foreign invader has laid siege to my body. So I was dreading the morning n' I was right too. Dang sinus infection has taken hold a mere week before my first ever trip out West>_< It's gonna be a long n' slow week n' one where I'll be more anti-social than normal. Please don't take offense, I'm just under the weather. Hope everyone else is having a healthy n' awesome weekend:3

Yeah I know I haven't been very active on the messenger services of late. I'm not avoiding anyone believe me. I've just been preoccupied with so many things this week. On of which is making heads n' tails of my travel itinerary for my trip to Oregon on the 8th of April. For two airlines that are supposedly merging, United n' Continental are not on the same page. My itinerary is all over the place. Even has me on two different flights from Houston to Denver as if I can split myself in two n' get on both of em. Gonna try n' get a hold of a living, breathing person tomorrow at United to get this straightened out. Shoulda just paid a bit extra n' took Delta. Also starting to plan out new drawings including a recreation of an awesome photo I took while down in Myrtle Beach plus something for my good friend  sam-gwosdz of his awesome red fox char. of the same name. On top of all that, the constant stresses of being in limbo in regards to my future. I really hope that good news finds its way to me sometime in April. Really wanting to be a part of the Cancer Biology program at UAB. That's all for now. Promise I'll try my best to find my way back online. Peace y'all:3

Trip #1 ish all done. Did what I needed to do at Clemson n' once all business was done. Nothing but furry fun. Great hanging with  leviwolstrom He deserves a medal for putting up with my fidgety sleeping patterns:P Also for driving me cross the state of SC on a Friday...before Spring Break0_o I did offer to drive for some of the trip but him having a truck with manual transmission n' me horribly outta practice...yeah that wasn't happening. Did pitch in for gas though.

Focus of furmeet was celebration for  folfswimmer turning 29 back on Wednesday the 16th. So much closer to big 30. Great seeing him n' especially his wife Steph. Also had the pleasure to meet  gunslinger87. So nice to sport that fluffy yotefox tail again. Been so long. Admittedly I was a bit intimidated to do it as the first n' only time I had was at AC 2010 but it was pretty much the norm there. Got over real quick though n' had a blast. Also got to talk to  kyote n' hear what she's been up too. The main event was that evening when we had cookout. That was great cept for the ending being a bit too eventful with exploding cake dish. Fortunately no one was hurt. Just had one real rattled skunk. After church n' some more Myrtle Beach exploration, me n'  leviwolstrom headed back for Clemson. Early this morning, boarded train for home n' now here I am. Back to the same ole same. Anxiously awaiting word from UAB on whether or not I'm in n' all.

Now the focus shifts onto trip #2. Still some things to workout with that particular one. Bit more involved when multiple time zones are involved. Looking forward to flying out to Oregon. Catch up a bit with  crashheart n' meet  rengare n' hopefully  boxymcboxbox as well. This one is a bit more business I'm afraid. Tours n' talks at Oregon St. University will dominate pretty much all the Saturday but I'll be talking some time to take in the scenery n' get some awesome photos. Much to do.

In other news I plan on starting a new project to help deal with the stress of the graduate school waiting game. Not giving any estimated time of completion as I plan to take my time with this one. Work on some things I know need improvement n' all. Also need to try n' get on AIM n' Skype a bit more. Tomorrow maybe. Yotefox ish tired now. Later y'all:3

In about a month I'll be going up to Clemson to visit their campus n' while there, looking forward to visiting with  LeviWolstrom We'll then be going cross the state to celebrate  Folfswimmer's B-day. Definitely looking forward to seeing him n' his awesome wife Steph again. Party could double as a celebration party for her landing a new job. Not even a month later, I'll be flying out to Oregon to tour the Oregon St. campus in Corvallis. While there, I'll be, pun intended, crashing with  crashheart n' his roomie  rengare These trips I'm looking forward to n' am very excited about yet I'm also a little apprehensive. I just worry bout the first impression I make on the friends of these guys, especially Crash's friends. I feel kinda a pressure to try n' break the misconception that these Oregon folks may have of a born n' bred Southerner. Perhaps I'm being a bit paranoid n' that everything will be fine if I just relax n' be sociable n' all. Still I fear, irrational as it my be, being pre-judged. Then again am I not guilty of pre-judging by fearing that I'll be pre-judged by the Pacific Northwesterners? Need to have more faith in folks. I'm really working on that.

The other sad thing bout all this though is that, no AC 2011 for me:( I've resigned myself to the fact that with me transitioning to grad school (hopefully, fingers n' toes crossed) my focus will be to greatly diverted to getting through the transition. Financially it's just not an option this year. I hate it as I promised a few good folks I've met that I'd be there n' hang with em more than I did for my first one last summer. Trust me though folks, you'll enjoy me lots better if I'm not stressing out bout starting another educational venture. I'm best served to save up for 2012 so it'll be the best con ever. All I ask is that those who are going this year, try not to rub it in too much:P Take care y'all. Yotefox out.

Well...it will be technically at 12:40 which is merely 2 n' a half hours from now. Not expecting much fanfare over it. It's not really all that big a deal. Ever since 21st one, they've all been just like any normal day. Still B-Day salutations from my watcher's n' friends are always excepted n' greatly appreciated. Hoping that this time next year I can celebrate both Valentine's Day n' my birthday with that special young lady meant for me. I know she's out there. Still though I can't escape the notion that I have so much to fix first before I can be in another relationship. Oh well, we'll see what we'll see I guess.

No I ain't talkin bout some invasion or the like. Come 12:40 tonight, it'll be exactly 4 days till I turn the big 28. Don't tend to make too big a deal bout it as they all sorta loose their luster a bit after 21. Still though I have to wander some things. I thought I'd be so much further on my now. Thought for sure by now I'd have some direction as far as a career n' life in general is concerned. It's crazy that I'm still so unsure of what I wanna be in life this far along in life. Doesn't help matters my interest are so varied n' at times, can be at odds with each other. No I ain't depressed bout it. Just contemplative. Been that way a lot lately. Well one thing's for sure. Feb. 16th will be here before I can blink. Just gotta embrace it:3

Unbe-frickin-leavable that I'm still suffering some symptoms from the cold I picked up after Christmas. This is nuts. I've never had a cold hang on this long before. Well, only myself to blame. Bad yotefox has been horrible at looking after himself:P Still though, stupid immune system should've vanquished this thing by now! Off to bed. Peace y'all:3

So my plans for today was to do nothing. Just rest up n' get fully recovered from my cold. Still with the threat of thunderstorms, I decided to go n' run a few errands before the weather got really bad. When I got back, I learned bout a little brown dog that had wondered cross our yard with what appeared to be a broken back. Well my big-hearted twin bro went after him. He apparently moved real well for a dog without use of his back legs. When my bro found him, he had gotten stuck in a deep creek bed in an area with a good bit of water. Bro tried to get him outta that creek bed but he ended up gettin bit. Bro left the dog n' ran back to the house quickly n' got me n we both went back to the creek bed, deep in the woods n' I was able to lift the poor guy outta the creek bed n' onto higher ground. Hurt my back in the process so with his arm n' my back there was no way we could carry this dog out. So I told my bro to go get that bite washed up n' return with the garden cart while I stay with this dog. I sat with that dog for what seemed like ages in the pouring rain. We used a tarp to help carry this poor guy, his back end was pretty much dead weight. While I was with him, I named him Charlie. He just looked like a Charlie to me. Check out this link n' tell me what y'all think?

http://twitpic.com/3m57af

We got ole Charlie outta the woods n' we were fortunate to get in touch with a local vet who happens to be a young lady I had classes with when I first started out in college. She took some X-rays n' that's when we learned the horrid truth. The poor guy was shot. Not once...not twice...but at least three f**king times. That was the count of the bullets in him. These weren't from a hunting rifle either. These appeared to be from a pistol>_< One bullet is dangerously near the spine n' he has significant damage to at least one vertebrae. He's being treated with steroids n' antibiotics but there's a good chance he may have to be put down. There's hope though. Maybe Charlie'll pull through. Whatever happens though, I'm so proud of my bro. I'm so glad I could helped this little fella too. My back may be sore. My fever my recur yet again for being out in that cold rain. At this point though, I don't care. If Charlie should have to die Monday. At least he'll be warm, dry, n' loved. Not cold, wet, n' alone. Quite a sobering beginning to 2011 I'd say. Please keep Charlie in yer thoughts n' prayers. Happy 2011 everyone.

I'm fightin it tooth n' toenail...er...toeclaw to stay up n' somewhat lucid for ringing in 2011. No I ain't talkin bout getting drunk, less ya count hot toddys:P This cold...it beats all I've ever had. It just won't let go. The fever is the worst. Came back with a vengeance earlier today n' really f'ed up a New Year's Eve outing with bro n' buds that was going so well>_< My own damn fault. Didn't take the time to rest as good as I should n' I let stress wear me down. I'll go on n' say HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my watchers n' those who may creep in n' check this out. Hope it's a good one for each n' every one of ya. Yotefox out.

GRE went ok. Could've been better...could've been worse. 560 Verbal, 570 Quantitative. Comes to overall score of 1130 out of 1600. Won't know bout the writing portion till later. Submitted my score to four schools. Clemson and Oregon St., being two schools I've already got interest from. Also UGA, though I'm still striving to go outta state. Also Temple because I freakin loved Philadelphia when I went there this past summer right before AC! Still lots to do on this end with Grad. School stuff. Next...onto the interview tomorrow morning:P

Well...sick or not...got two important dates this week. Wednesday is the GRE. Need to do good on that so getting into Grad. School will be easier. Also Wednesday is a big job interview. Hoping all goes well on that end so that 2011 can begin on a much higher note. Peace y'all!

Bout time I broke my little journal moratorium with a joyous salutation to all my watchers n' to any who find themselves at my humble little FA page this fine holiday season. Hope all is well n' continues to go well. I know things are tough with some folks with lost jobs, lost friends n' loved ones, damaged or broken relationships, etc. Still in all I hope n' pray for brighter times for all struggling right now. Yer in my thoughts. Peace guys:3

Some of ya already know bout this but for the rest of ya, I lost my job back on Monday. Dared to tell my boss that here toddler-like tantrums were completely unproductive and leads to severe inefficiencies. I'm not too upset really. Yeah I lost my job n' that sucks royally but...I stood up for myself n' not let myself be used n' abused by her like my other colleagues. The fortunate thing is that I've learned just how much a positive impact I've made on all my colleagues there from professors down to the technicians n' with the contacts I've garnered, I'll bounce back. It still won't be easy though as we're heading into the holiday season. Some sacrifices must be made. My plans for Grad. School haven't changed. Gonna take the GRE n' look closer into the Food Science n' Nutrition programs of both Clemson n' Oregon St. Got it narrowed down to those two. We'll see how it all goes. Take care everyone n' much belated Thanxgiving salutation:3

As Thanksgiving draws near, I reflect that I have a lot to be thankful for, despite all that has gone wrong of late. I learned last Friday bout my twin bro's gonna loose his job. Thankfully though that won't happen till after March 31st of next year. By then maybe things will improve but, giving the sluggish economy, it doesn't look good. So he's doing what he should n' is already looking for employment elsewhere. As I said, very thankful indeed that he has all this time to get things squared away n' find a new job. I may not be so fortunate real soon. The relationship between me and my psycho boss lady is deteriorating fast. That n' funding is drying up there as well. Still I'm taking this a good sign. A sign from above that it's time for me to fully pursue my dreams n' continue my education. Raise my chances at employment in what I really strive to do...cancer research as it pertains to food science n' nutrition. I've done some research n' narrowed down my choice in programs to two...Clemson or Oregon State. I'm leaning more heavily toward Clemson as, even thought I wanna get away from Georgia for a good bit, I don't wanna get as far away as Oregon. That part of the country is a place I'd love to visit n' all but settling there for schooling is a bit of a stretch. Things may change though and if I should get accepted there but not at Clemson then I shall suck it up n' head west. We'll see. That's getting ahead of myself though as I still need to schedule a time to take the GRE n' make some calls n' get all applied n' such. I really feel like this is the path I should be taking. Everything that's happen the past few years has lead to this n' I'm ready. My depression has been a real pain in the rear end but in a way, it's been instrumental in helping me realize what I must do. Open my eyes and see the path I should tread. Doesn't mean the path will be an easy one but if there's one thing I learned bout myself after my trip to Pennsylvania back in June, I relish new challenges n' experiences. Don't really know why this was something to share with folks here. Guess I just wanted to leave the message that...when one gets to a point in life where it seems there at a dead end...don't get discouraged. Sometimes that big wall yer facing may just need to be dug through, creating a new path. One that leads to where one should be:) Take care y'all!

I've seen this done several times by others here. Don't know just how effective it is, especially for a greenhorn to FA like me but...it's worth a shot. I would like to plug for a special friend who has been nothing short of kind-hearted n' encouraging since I first met him. He n' his lovely wife helped to make me feel welcomed at AC this year. Got me over my first time jitters at such a big con. Since then, he has helped me n' continues to help me through a real dark period in my life. He's known here as  folfswimmer and he's currently doing a 100 sketch challenge thingy. If yer someone or know someone who would like a simple, single char. sketch n' have $4 to spare, please consider getting in touch with him. I believe his main purpose for doing this is to exercise his artistic muscles so-to-speak but he n' his wife could use the little extra income as well. As with a lot of folks, the economies been real tough on em. Also I feel he deserves a little more attention here as he is continually improving with every piece he does. Since, like me, he's an avid swimmer, he does an awesome job with swimwear so if ya like the summer-themed pics as much as myself, he's worth a try. This concluded my little public service announcement. Now I'm gonna go punch my ticket for dreamland. Night y'all!