I am fucking TERRIBLE at keeping things up to date on here. It's been 4 years since I last posted a journal. The fuck is wrong with me? :I

I dunno, but that's what I am today. Does the birthday dread start at your 30s or 40s? I don't remember. <_>

I know, it's been a VERY long time since I've posted anything, journal or submission, or anything of the like. And I finally feel like I'm able to type out a sort of overdue explanation as to the whys.

Long story short, depression. Whether I have my head buried into a game, watching Youtube, or trying to deal with other matters, it always tends to boil down to depression. I'm a highly introverted creature. I don't tend to nudge people too often unless if it feels like a better day than most, but I often struggle with emotional issues when I'm not being plagued with health problems. It makes it terribly difficult to feel happy, or excited, or joyous, or any other good emotion that most folks seem to take for granted. And that's a bleak outlook that I just try my best not to plague people with. The last thing I want to do is to bring anyone else down with me, so I tend to stay isolated most of the time, lurking in the background unless if someone nudges me directly.

I'm not saying I'm giving up on FA or anything. It's just been very hard to really, effectively, come up with any sort of creative need to continue writing. Plus, looking on my past works, it's evident I'm not exactly the best or most original writer, either, and I feel like folks that actually take the time to read through stories should be rewarded with better writing than I've put out in the past. I'll still be right here, right where I've always been, but until I feel better, it's probably best to put my existing writing on hold.

Real-life matters have also kept me distracted too. As some of my more recent contacts know, I moved over the past month (again), and it's been taking a lot to adjust. And for those who have known me personally for a very long time know, I have gone through a lot of difficult and arduous issues, trials, and challenges in the past decade. I'm still alive, still kickin', but it's all just been very hard to come to terms with, and it seems like more recently, all those years of bouncing around like a nomad, even to the point of homelessness, has finally caught up with me in terms of health. I'm not as energetic, spry, or thick-skinned as I used to be, and I just am sorry for letting that keep me from realizing my creative potential in recent months.

All 'n all, I'll still be right here, loving each and every one of you that has supported me with love, friendship, and compassion through thick and thin. That won't change. And I'm just terribly sorry for being so quiet with some of you.... It's nothing personal. I just have great difficulty breaking out of my shell, some days. And sorry for the winding rant this may come to look like.

Sheep loves you all.
- Sydney

First and foremost, thank you to everyone for all the birthday wishes, whether on Steam, Discord, or wherever. I really appreciate the thought and I'm grateful for the friends that have stuck by me during these long, arduous years.

...I can't believe I'm fucking 29. How da fuq did I make it this far?



NEXT TIME, ON UNSOLVED MYSTERIES.

Seriously. Go give  Alterissue some love. She's a great panduh.

Do it.

Also, love y'all.

Because om nom nom, doughnuts.

I'd love some wingmen~. Let me know if anyone wants to play! I'll share my steam-name!

27. Oh goodie.

Also, yeah... still alive. Just been tired and exhausted of late. And lurking on a new Undertale alt on F-Chat. But I'm still around.

So, took the laptop to the shop today. Turns out one of my RAM ports went bad, but at least it's salvageable. But it's definitely revealing this thing's age, so I'm gonna have to start saving money for a replacement. I'm sorry if I scared anyone with the last journal... I didn't think it was gonna be that easy of a fix. But I was pretty scared, myself.

Thank you all for bearing with me.

So, my laptop died. Stuck on my phone. I don't know why everything keeps breaking down, but until I can either fix ot replace it, I'm stuck offline. Anyone who can help in any way would be outstanding, but I just hope to return soon...

So... my laptop died. Stuck posting this from my phone. I can't believe this shit is all breaking at the same time.

I really need help, now more than ever...

UPDATE: Okay, so, I managed to get it back on after removing and reinserting the battery pack. For the moment, got a virus scan and shit going... but I'm still not sure why it happened to be so finicky. I don't know if it's gonna happen again the next time I let it hibernate, so I'm keeping a close eye on this thing.

That said, if I seem to be offline for quite awhile, at least you all will know. One thing for sure, I still need to start thinking about upgrading sometime in the near future.

Hey all. I know it's been awhile, but I'm getting by.

As of late, I've managed a return to SL, and clearly many are happy to see me again. I'm certainly glad to be able to come back when I can, but I've been wanting to get a Shark done on there, and sadly I have no avatar modding capability of my own. That said, if there's anyone who might be able to help with such a project, I'll gladly take what I can get towards that end, including rewards in the form of shark-sexings. :D

....I know, I'm terrible. Anyways, yeah.... lemme know if anyone would be willing to help a little 'yeener out!

Hey guys, passing along the word for  Zzyzx since they're in a bit of a pickle. They're sweet, and to see them in trouble is distressing. Go here for more! http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6811029/

....yeah, I know, the title's terrible. But after realizing a good few number of people I recognize is no longer with us, I felt the need to share some better news. So yeah.

Fallout 4 might be within our imminent future, folks. I. Am. Fucking. STOKED.

So, I just got off work to find out an awful truth. Apparently, on May 29th, 2015,  Raipanlong passed after a struggle I hadn't even known was happening. Someone posted a final journal for them going on about the specifics, if anyone would like to go read it.

I feel really bad now.... but I hope, wherever poor Velvetine went, she found peace in the end.

Goodbye, Velvi... we'll all miss you. :(



...I'm sorry for the bumming news, but it felt only right to share the word about this so that maybe more of us can help wish her spirit on to a better place, and to cherish her memory.

Holy fuck, it's June already. o_o

I've heard of April Showers bring May Flowers, but this year its likely gonna be May Showers bring June bugs every-fucking-where.

Around on average, between the cheaper, 'mass-produce all the arts' artists and the more expensive 'uber-quality' ones, what would be the average price of a commission? Namely a ref sheet? o.o

I simply ask because, if I can get enough extra money, I would really like to get one done for Vashan, at long last...

We need moar of them. o.o

That is all.

I know, I haven't posted anything in AGES, and I've been probably quiet to some. Not meaning to be that way, but it seems like it's one thing after another when it comes to RL, lately. If people see me gaming, it's usually the only stress relief I have these days.

That being said, written works are simply on pause.... still. But not abandoned entirely. I've just got far too much in life to cope with right now. Once I actually have a full-blown place to stay and a good connection to stay out of the cold with, I will be endeavoring to resume where I left off with everything.

As for more immediate things, I'm currently on the lookout for a good space combat game.... even looking into getting the old X-Wing VS. TIE Fighter working, but Windows 8 seemingly isn't a fan. Anyone out there got another game to recommend? Or want to play something together sometime? :3

I noticed Starbound got a HUGE update. Who all is looking for a playmate?

Is this just me, or is content failing to download for anyone else too? This has been going on for a few days now, and I dont' know why it's suddenly deciding to do this. Any other site works just fine.

DRAGONEER. O WISE ONE. WHAT HAST THOU WROUGHT???

First. I need to vent. It's not something I like having to do, but I'm in fucking tears right now. I'm not going into detail why.... I'm not going to name names. But I'm going to lay this fucking issue out now, so that I know where everything and everyone stands.

From now on.... I am not doing this Master / Pet thing anymore. Not for real. Not for roleplay. Not even for the heck of it, just to jokingly give titles. If I want someone to have that honor, I will ask them and let them know how I feel.... and it will only be after I have known them long enough, and if they feel the same way about me. If someone asks me, I will consider it, but again.... these conditions will be met, or it will be denied.

That being said, I'm exerting the same rule with people I consider close to me. I've been hurt one too many times, and quite frankly, today, I'm just... pushed over the edge. I've been trying to fix my situation. I've been trying to dig myself out of homelessness before winter fully hits. This puts a lot of pressure on me. And I look to people sometimes to help cope with the many emotions that pressure forces out. So... if someone asks to be a mate, a lover... hell, even a regular breeding buddy in roleplay, I am going to start an interview process for such. I'm tired of being discarded, abandoned.... made to feel unimportant. And I'm done crying over it.



To take things off the rage and tears that are overcoming me right now, I have found work. A local McDonalds. Today was my second day, and it was not a nice day, between a corporate inspection, a shortage of people by about 4 callouts, and being given a crash course on their lovely computer systems. Suffice it to say, I've come away from this day feeling sick and nearly panicked from the amount of stress, and the last thing I needed was for someone I considered a friend to up and just end things without even discussing anything with me. Again, not naming names, and I'm not saying any further on the matter..... I'm not going to be the cause of a flame war or any drama. But it was the breaking point, and right now, any semblance of a good mood despite how hard today was is all but shattered now.

I'm still needing to get through November, food-wise.... my first paycheck will be withheld by the company. It's understandable that they stagger such things, but in my situation, it doesn't bode well for food, gasoline, and recently, additional blankets or anything that could help with the rapidly-dropping temperatures here. So if anyone has anything to spare... please contact me. If not, I understand.... and I will not hold it against anyone. I hate having to keep asking for help like this, considering I know many others out there have their own expenses and hardships to deal with. I am simply reaching out, is all.

I will keep things up to date as much as I can.

And yes, storywriting is still underway. It's just paused again, because this new job had to take precedence. I will try to get something up by the month's end, at latest.

Just a heads-up, I do have a solid place to go. Talked to the folks this evening, and I got a concrete answer. The only problem, now, is crossing that distance, while staying fed and alive long enough to get there.

I'm still appreciative for everything everyone's done for me, but now I just need to close this gap. So, I hate to keep asking for help, as my tab of people to pay back is only getting bigger.... but I still need help right now. I've been applying where I can, and yet, I"ve had no luck. I need to get to Ohio, and more immediately, I need to make sure I still have food until I can get there.

If anyone can help, please contact me. No matter what the case is, big amount, small amount, advice.... I still appreciate everything everyone has done for me. Thank you all.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I just need the gas and food to get there.

For some reason, IE (yes, I've been using that garbage) can't access FurAffinity anymore because the Captcha page won't load the 'Enter Above Text' line. Yet, after trying other browsers to get into FA with, it seems like it's the only Browser I have that will actually view picture files.

So, until I find a way around this, as of now, I literally can't even check my FA's inbox anymore. If anyone has any idea of what to do about this, please help!

#1: To all listening for how I'm doing. I'm still alive, and still fighting to stay afloat in Oklahoma right now. I'm trying to find a job, at this point, since getting back northeast isn't looking viable without one. Not to mention, rations have been dwindling, and I've only got so much gasoline, so.... I'm still accepting any help anyone can offer, but I'm already thankful for the wonderful support and friendship I've gotten during this harsh week. Thanks to a few, I've been given enough for a fighting chance to get myself out of this hellish situation, granted if one of these places will offer me a position in relatively short time. Thank you to all who've looked out for me... I will not forget what you've done for me.

#2: FA's recent downtime. Yes, I know it was a VERY bad DDoS attack that hit not just FA, but almost every furry site I know of. Am I upset at FA for the problem? No. It's not their fault for it. Am I gonna babyrage so much that I'll cry about it and leave FA? No. But, I AM considering opening up other accounts on sites like Weasyl and/or whatever else might be less susceptible to such damaging attacks. So I'm open to ideas, and wanting to see what people's thoughts and recommendations are for an auxiliary account.

#3: On the bright side out of my current situation, it's given me a lot more free time at night, now that I'm unable to stay glued to gaming on my off time. So writing is back underway. I'm still suffering a bit of a roadblock with the Midnight Sigil chronicles, but I will try to pick back up on that however I can. But, for those of you patient enough to wait for me to finish that wonderfully-delayed project, I have a nice miniseries completed and done, ready to post afterwards.

But Vashan, you wonderfully-whimsical little rascal of a hyena... why aren't you uploading this miniseries now? D:

Because, quite simply put, it contains spoilers towards the unwritten conclusion of the Midnight Sigil chronicles. And it just wouldn't do to spoil a novel I haven't even friggin' finished yet, now would it? Nope, I have it safe and secured on two different flash drives AND my hard disk, and the miniseries will stay there until it's time will come. But don't worry, it WILL come.

In Conclusion: Once more, thank you all for your avid support during my darkest time.... and if any additional support is possible and willing to be extended, I am still accepting whatever help I can get. I'm not leaving FurAffinity, but I would like to open up an auxiliary account somewhere, like Weasyl or somewhere else, just in case I still need to reach the community... so I'm open to suggestions. And lastly, writing has been resumed after much gaming-induced procrastination has finally been broken (Which I'm seeing as the silver lining to my situation.), so I'm still working on projects when I'm not busy throwing job applications out like paper airplanes to these places.